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“Dean!” Charlie griped as she pushed into his room. “C’mon, dude! We’re totally gonna be late for our own panel. Don’t think I won’t tell Chuck it’s your fault.”
Dean glanced over to the door as he lay on the bed where he’d collapsed after he’d gotten back to the room. Seeing the irritated expression on her face, he grinned at the fiery redhead. Dean had known Charlie for a couple of years now and she’d basically become the little sister he’d never known he’d wanted.
Trying to shake himself from the haze he’d fallen into, he pushed himself up into a sitting position.
Charlie looked at him more closely and grinned. “Hey! Looks like TSA actually came through and got you your bag back, huh? Good thing too. I lost a bag once and it took like a month to get it back.”
Dean frowned in confusion before following her line of sight to his shirt.
“Oh, yeah. It’s sorted out. Got my stuff back. I just changed.”
“Great. You’re all pretty for our panel. That we are about to miss. So get your butt moving.”
“Yeah, yeah, Your Highness. I’m coming. I’ll remind you, I didn’t want to do this to begin with. I’m perfectly fine with missing the panel.” His stomach churned and he realized, in a way, he was even more eager to miss the panel now than before. Nevertheless, he followed her out the door and down the hallway, lost in his own thoughts.
How would Cas react when he realized Dean was actually Jensen Ackles?
He’d already been nervous about showing his face on a stage. He’d done a good job so far of keeping Jensen Ackles and that life separate from his own. Now that he was linking Jensen’s name to a face, that was likely to change.
He loved acting. Hell, he’d been doing it his whole life, both at home and at school. Cas probably remembered Dean, the popular kid, always center of attention. But Dean had hated it. It had always been just another act. One Dean had kept up with because it was what was expected of him.
Just like playing baseball had been. Acting had been the trade off. He’d played ball because his father expected nothing less than for Dean to be a star. Acting had been his one rebellion. The one thing he’d taken for himself.
Restricting himself to voice acting gave him his anonymity, but it also dramatically limited his opportunities when the big studios wanted a well loved face to tie to the character.
The project Cas had talked about though, sounded amazing. It was exactly the kind of work he’d always wanted to do. And Cas wanted him. Or Jensen at least.
“Geeze, Dean. You’re a million miles away. It’s not gonna be that bad you know?” Charlie eyed him with concern as they waited for the elevator.
“Huh?” Dean asked articulately.
“You see? Dude, lighten up. It’s not like the panel’s going to be on the national news or anything. Maybe a really die hard fan will be able to recognize you from a tumblr gif set. Not like your life is really gonna change.”
“Oh,” Dean huffed a laugh. “Sorry, Charlie. I wasn’t thinking about the panel. Well, not really.”
Charlie raised an eyebrow. Dean knew the look well enough to know he was expected to keep talking and there would be consequences if he didn’t.
“Somebody was talking to me this morning about a possible project. It sounded really cool. Small independent kind of gig. But the basic description was exactly the sort of thing I wanna do, ya know?”
Charlie’s other eyebrow rose to match the first as the bell chimed behind them to signal the arrival of their elevator.
There were a few other people inside the car, the badges around their necks identified them all as convention goers. Charlie looked at them warily before turning back to Dean.
“And they talked to you about it? Why?”
To anyone else, the question might have seemed insulting, but Dean appreciated Charlie’s attempt to separate Dean from Jensen.
“He’s actually an old buddy of mine. Ran into him down in the lobby. Recognized the shirt he was wearing.” Dean tugged at the material covering his chest.
Charlie’s eyes widened comically as she put two and two together. “So, wait, you actually knew the guy that grabbed your bag?”
“Yep. Went to high school together. Apparently we’re both still using freebies for luggage.”
“Well, I guess that was convenient. Does he know who you are?”
One of the girls next to her, short, with very straight blonde hair, looked over her shoulder and narrowed her gaze intently on Dean as though tuned into the fact the he might be someone worth knowing.
She quailed after a pointed, “Do you mind?” from Charlie.
Dean grimaced. “No.”
Charlie pursed her lips and studied Dean. She opened her mouth to say something just as the elevator reached their level and the doors opened. Glancing at the busy lobby, she sighed instead. “Well, I guess he’s about to find out. Come on, tiger.”
Dean smiled uneasily. “Wrong feline. I’m a lion remember? And a cowardly one at that.”
Charlie just smirked, but to Dean’s satisfaction, seemed willing to let the conversation drop as they worked their way through the crowd to the door that would take them behind the stage as they awaited their introductions.
He was glad of the reprieve, even if he knew it was temporary. He wished what he’d told Charlie had been entirely true. He knew calling Cas an old “buddy” was generous. After all, they’d rarely interacted. But Dean had always been aware of Cas’s presence. He’d lost count of the times he’d tried to work up the courage to even talk to the guy. He knew Cas had come to every single play and every game. He’d started looking for him in the crowd, thinking of him as a good luck charm.
It was true that Dean was often surrounded by people in high school, but it really made him feel more isolated and vulnerable. Very few of those people were his actual friends. And it made it harder for Dean to know who liked him and who liked being seen with him.
Dean had never figured out how to approach the cute boy in his art class with the open, blue eyes and the tousled black hair. It hadn’t helped that among the other things Dean had been hiding from all but those chosen few, was the fact that he was bisexual. While Cas hadn’t been the first boy he’d been attracted to, he was the first that made Dean want to act on his attraction. But Cas had never approached him, or showed any real interest in him.
“Dude,” Charlie said in a loud stage whisper, digging her elbow into his ribs. “Focus. We’re about to be introduced.”
Dean’s attention snapped back to the present. He realized at some point, Charlie’s girlfriend Dorothy had joined them and had linked arms with his friend. Both girls were eyeing him with identical expressions of concern. Charlie was right, he needed his head in the game. It had been years since he’d been out on an actual stage, but he was still an actor, he could do this.
Charlie rolled her eyes. “Stop it.”
“What?”
“You aren’t getting into character here. Relax. Be yourself. Answer the questions you want, bullshit your way around the ones you don’t. Not that hard. Besides. We’re all going out there together. Lob something off to me if you can’t deal.”
Just then, Gabriel was calling them all out one by one. Charlie went first, tossing a bolstering smile over her shoulder as she did, then Dorothy, and the rest of the cast. Finally, it was Dean’s turn.
As far as Gabriel was concerned, Dean was Jensen. No one here outside of Charlie and Dorothy knew Dean’s real name.
And Cas, he reminded himself with a smile as he stepped out onto the stage.
The room wasn’t nearly as big as he’d been afraid it would be, but there were still probably three hundred people packed into the space - some standing in the back when they couldn’t find a seat. He found himself scanning the crowds like he used to do in high school, looking for that one face - his lucky charm.
He felt the band of nerves around his chest ease as he spotted Cas about halfway back, on the aisle near a pillar. He took a deep fortifying breath. This was just like high school, and with Cas in the crowd, he could do anything.
After settling into that thought, the rest of the panel went by almost in a blur. He was surprised by how much fun he had. Most of the hour was spent bantering back and forth with his cast members. Since the majority of their dialogue had been recorded separately, Dean hadn’t had much opportunity to hang out with the rest of the crew aside from Charlie and Dorothy. It was a good group and he enjoyed the overall dynamic. The way they took a question and bounced it among themselves, often incorporating the audience made it feel more like a giant game of improve, with the audience just an additional player. Halfway through, Dean completely forgot to be nervous and his smile was genuine.
As soon as the panel was done, the cast was hustled off stage for autographs. Dean felt his nerves start up again.
He’d actually expected the autographs to be easier. Interactions were brief and he wasn’t as worried about photographs or video leaking onto the internet. But he also knew Cas would be in the line somewhere. And now he knew Dean was Jensen. Would it make a difference? God he hoped not. For both Dean and Jensen.
Professionally, he was genuinely interested in the film Cas was working on. Personally, he really hoped Cas was still willing to take him up on that offer for lunch. He felt his hand stray to the card in his pocket more than once as guests came up for his signature. He was actually kind of amazed at how long the line was.
Still, he hadn’t spotted Cas yet.
He tried hard to stay focused on the fan in front of him at any given moment, not wanting them to think they had less than one hundred percent of his attention. If his eyes scanned the line automatically between people, he couldn’t really be blamed right?
Autographs had already lasted for about an hour and the line was starting to thin. Dean could see the end of it, but still, he hadn’t spotted Cas yet. His stomach twisted. Cas had changed his mind. Either he didn’t want Dean on the project, or he was upset that Dean hadn’t been straight with him about his identity that morning. Cringing at his own earlier cowardice, Dean forced himself to stop looking. He’d get through this, spend the rest of the day in his hotel room wallowing, and maybe convince Charlie and Dorothy to go out to a bar with him later that night.
Finally, he reached the last person in line. He looked up and took in the tousled bed head, blue eyes, and shirt he’d been wearing himself not four hours ago. Blinking in surprise, he felt a genuine smile spread across his face.
“Hey, Cas! I was starting to wonder if you were gonna make it.”
Belatedly, Dean realized he’d openly acknowledged knowing Cas in front of his handler and several stragglers. His smile faltered a little as he glanced over at his handler, Tiny.
“Hello, D-, Jensen,” Cas said, clearly catching the flash of panic in Dean’s eyes as Cas started to address him by his real name. Dean felt his shoulders drop in relief and his mouth twitched a bit more up at the side in an effort to convey his gratitude.
“I was really hoping to see you again, Cas,” Dean said, feeling no rush. There was no one behind Cas and he didn’t have another panel to get to. “My friend Dean said you wanted to talk to me about a voiceover opportunity?”
Cas smiled back at him, thankfully rolling with Dean’s continued attempt at a cover. “Yes, Dean led me to believe it was something you might be interested in. I’d ask you to lunch to talk about it, but I have plans with an old high school friend,” Cas said, a glint of humor in his eye.
Dean warmed at the description of “friend,” and was grateful Cas didn’t seem upset by his omission. “Surely your friend would understand, I mean, c’mon, it’s a chance to have lunch with the elusive Jensen Ackles. How could you be expected to pass that up?”
Dean knew he was flirting, but it felt more like an automatic gesture, a nervous reaction. Not that he didn’t want to flirt with Cas. Hell, he’d been interested in the guy since sophomore year. But what he was doing now felt more like that guy he’d been back in high school than who he was right now. That face that he’d put on for the rest of the world. He wanted to be himself with Cas.
“I suppose you have a point,” Cas said, pausing slightly and tilting his head at Dean a little curiously, “but I think I’d really like to try and find a way to do both if possible.”
Dean relaxed, and, for the first time since he’d sat down for the autograph session, Dean breathed easily. “I think I’m good with that,” he said.
Cas smiled widely, crinkles appearing at the corners of his eyes that Dean found fascinating. “What time do you think you’ll be free to go?” he asked, looking around at the rapidly emptying hall. Dean was pretty sure the next panel had already started.
He glanced down at the watch on his wrist, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise. “Wait, is it really already after one?” He looked up at Cas. “Uh, I guess, are you hungry now?” he asked, wracking his brain for places the convention staff had recommended to eat.
“I could eat. Are you allowed to leave now?” Cas asked.
“Yeah, the only thing I was here for was the one panel and the autographs. Only did that much cuz I lost a bet to Charlie. I’m telling you man, it’s not a game of chance when you’re dealing with the Queen of Moondor and a twenty sided die.” Dean shook his head, repressing a slight shudder.
Cas laughed, one eyebrow raised and an arm extended, gesturing towards the exit. “Shall we then?”
“Lead the way,” Dean said.
In the end, they wound up wandering the streets for another hour, talking and periodically stopping to check the menu outside various restaurants. Finally, it got to the point where Dean just couldn’t take it anymore. He was starving.
His eyes lit up when he spotted a Five Guys on the corner. Ok. So it wasn’t exactly the classiest of joints, and might not be the most conducive environment for a business meeting, but at that point, he didn’t care. And a burger sounded fantastic.
He turned to Cas to try and plead his case, when the other man visibly sagged, “Oh thank God,” he said, eyes glued to the sign above the restaurant.
He turned to Dean with wide eyes and asked plaintively, “Do you mind if we just eat here?”
Dean laughed, “Dude, I was seriously about to ask you the same thing.”
Grinning, they walked inside and placed their order, picked it up at the counter and sat down.
Outside of the setting of the convention, where Dean had constantly felt the pressure of being Jensen, he was happy to see that talking with Cas was as easy as it had been that morning, before his secret had been revealed.
At first, they steered clear of business, continuing the conversation they’d been having on the hunt for lunch, which included a lively debate on which Star Trek was the best, comparing book to movie versus for Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings and Game of Thrones, and just about any other nerdy pop culture topic they could find in common.
Eventually though, the topic of Cas’s project came back around.
“Almost every major animated film released nowadays is computer animated,” Cas explained. “And I love the medium, but I hate that the traditional hand drawn illustration seems to have been the victim. They’re two completely different forms of expression. I think there’s room enough for both in the cinematic sphere.”
Dean tended to agree, but he could tell this was something Cas was passionate about and wanted to hear what the other man had to say without interrupting, so he just nodded his head encouragingly.
“The style that I’m envisioning is different than what is common in more mainstream media. The storyline itself is a little darker. An angel and a human trying to navigate a tenuous relationship as they debate the value of heaven, humanity and free will. I want the visual to fit that. I’m thinking a lot of angles - something reminiscent of a Picasso, but more proportionate,” Cas said, taking a napkin and drawing on it almost unconsciously.
Dean nodded again, intrigued.
“So?” Cas said, looking up, nervously twisting the napkin he’d just illustrated in his hands. “What do you think?”
Dean blinked, realizing Cas was finished and actually wanted Dean’s opinion on the concept, not just whether he was interested in being part of the project.
“There are only two voices through the whole thing, correct?”
“Yes, the angel and the human. Everything else is made up of the forces of evil surrounding them. I want their communication to be different to stand out. I guess, maybe, show how much they understand each other.” Cas seemed to realize he’d shredded the edge of the napkin and put it down. “All the other characters will be heard through grunts, growls, squeals, and the like,” he shrugged, “I haven’t decided yet if I’m going to make those noises on my own or use special effects. Since that can be created, cut and timed after the animation is complete, it’s not as critical a decision as the two voices.”
“Have you thought about changing the animation style for the heroes too?” Dean asked. “You know, like, keep the Picasso look for the the grunts,” he grinned at Cas and raised an eyebrow. To his delight, his poor joke earned him a snort and shake of the head, “and use a more flowing style for the heroes? That could set them apart both visually and audibly and you wouldn’t be so dependent on light and color for it.”
Cas pursed his lips and cocked his head to the side, “How do you mean flowing?”
Dean picked up the abandoned napkin and pen and made his own sketch, leaving the base Cas had drawn, but incorporating almost calligraphic lines to soften the sharp edges.
When he was done, Cas looked at him, his eyes narrowed and evaluating. “That’s not a bad idea, Dean. Have you ever considered looking at the artistic side of animation?”
Dean blinked, his head pulling back slightly before he blinked again, looking off to the side. He’d never done anything with the art classes he’d taken in school, but it was still something he enjoyed fiddling around with. Besides, he was around art and animation all the time in his professional life. Hell, he’d even fiddled with a few storyboard ideas he’d never had the guts to show anyone. He knew he wasn’t completely terrible. But to be an artist? One who actually had a hand in the final product?
“Not really, man. I mean. I doodle on the side. A little, but just for fun.”
Cas leaned forward in his seat, resting both forearms on the table, angling his body and lowering his voice as though about to confide a secret. Dean had to lean forward a little more himself just to hear it. ”Dean, I, well, I looked through your bag a bit,” he hesitated before rushing to say, “I was just trying to find some kind of identification, I swear! I wasn’t trying to snoop, but, well…” he fixed Dean with a laser stare, pinning him to his chair. “I saw your sketchpad, Dean.”
Dean felt the blush rising to his face. He wasn’t sure what he was embarrassed about, especially if Cas had seen his art and still asked him if he’d thought about animating, but there were some thing in that sketchpad that he’d never talked about. In some ways, it was his form of therapy.
“What would you think about coming on to this project in a larger capacity than just a voice actor?” Cas asked.
Dean’s jaw dropped. “Are you serious, man?” he asked incredulously. “You told me this morning that this was your baby. We haven’t seen each other in almost twenty years and you wanna trust me with this?”
Cas shrugged. “It’s not a light decision, no. But I’ve seen a sampling of your work - both vocally and artistically. I asked your opinion and you gave me genuine feedback that I feel will truly improve the end product. And honestly? The idea of singlehandedly animating a full length film on my own has been pretty daunting.” His mouth turned up at the corner in a wry smile. “Besides, I’m not really sure who’s doing whom the favor here. It would be a much larger commitment time-wise on your part and I can’t guarantee a huge payout at the end of it. Indie animation doesn’t exactly bring in the big box wages.”
He had a point. Dean wasn’t sure what to think. The idea of being able to do something visually artistic was appealing. It attracted him in a way he hadn’t thought it would. But he would have to make sure he could still pay his bills. He needed to keep his name fresh in the field too, or he wouldn’t have any work to come back to once Cas’s project was finished.
“If we can sit down and work out a contract and schedule that still lets me take on outside voice jobs, I’m in,” Dean said.
He couldn’t deny that a small part of his rushed decision was the realization that his increased involvement would allow him to spend more time getting to know Cas, the way he’d always wanted to do back in high school.
They talked about the movie a little more, but both agreed business could wait until they had a contract in place and were back in front of Cas’s storyboard. Dean realized his fries had gone stone cold. Glancing at his watch, he realized they’d been at their table for a solid two hours. He looked up at Cas and tossed a thumb over his shoulder towards the door.
“What you say we ditch this joint and head back to the hotel?”
Cas promptly snorted at the unintended innuendo and Dean felt another blush rush to his cheeks. “Oh, c’mon, man. Cut me some slack. You know what I mean. I don’t care what we do - hell, the convention is still going for another few hours. We could catch another panel if you want,” he winced as he thought of the convention. Cas had probably paid a lot of money to attend. He’d been personally staggered by the ticket prices.
To his relief, Cas just chuckled, as he stood up, ready to leave, and a little smile on his face. “Don’t worry, Dean. The only panel I was really interested in seeing, I got to attend.”
Dean stood as well and looked down as he rubbed the back of his neck, “Yeah?” he said, suddenly and inexplicably feeling shy. “Was it what you hoped for?”
This time Cas let out a shout of laughter as he walked towards the door.
“I’d say I got more than I bargained for. Now come on and let me ask all the questions I’m dying to know about my favorite voice actor, but didn’t dare ask in a room full of people.”
Dean grinned as he followed Cas out into the warm sunshine, “Oh yeah? Like what?”
Cas grinned wickedly and Dean was suddenly sure about the question that was coming. “Like why the hell you had a vibrator in your bag.”
Dean waggled his eyebrows and clapped Cas on the back.
“I was a boy scout, Cas. You know what they say - always be prepared!”