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For Bucky, the nights are the worst.
It takes him forever to fall asleep, not used to the luxurious bed he’s been given in Stark Tower, stuffed with pillows and blankets. Too soft. Too comfortable. He feels like he might sink down into the mattress until it engulfs him. The thought is suffocating. And it usually leads to the nightmares.
He’s been in Stark Tower for a little over a month now, and every night he’s endured a fitful sleep. This night, it’s particularly bad. In his dream he’s surrounded by ice, crystalizing around him, creeping up his torso and making it so that he can’t breathe or move.
He wakes with a shout, his body covered in sweat. He peels off his undershirt, sitting up in bed and tossing it to the floor. He groans into his hands, running them up his forehead and into his hair as the door to his room nudges open. It’s Steve.
“You okay?” Steve asks with wide, concerned eyes. His room is on the other side of his wall. Bucky must have woken him up.
“Fine,” Bucky breathes, his voice hoarse, smoothing out his sheets and looking up at Steve. “Just a…a bad dream.”
Steve stands there for a beat, nodding his head, “I know. I wish I could tell you it goes away.” He smirks sadly, “But it gets easier.”
Bucky nods, attempting a feeble smile in thanks. He watches as Steve leaves the room, still in disbelief that he is even here with him. His oldest friend. Literally and figuratively.
His memory isn’t the greatest after years and years of ruthless brainwashing, and finally remembering Steve had been like a lightening bolt to the chest. And then Steve had been so patient with him, coaxing him into remembering, into trusting him. Sometimes he’ll slip back, but all it takes is one look at Steve’s face, and he’s at home again.
He falls asleep thinking about that.
____________________
There’s a knock at his bedroom door the next night. Bucky’s trying to meditate on the ledge by his windowsill and failing horribly. Bruce had mentioned that meditation had done wonders for him, but Bucky can’t help but think it’s a load of crap. He’s far too impatient to see it all the way through.
His eyes are closed when he hears the knock, and when he opens them, Steve is standing in the doorway. He’s dressed sharply, a nice brown leather jacket over his khaki pants and blue button up.
“Hey Buck,” Steve says with a smile, “Meditating again?”
Bucky manages a half eye roll, “I’m really starting to think it’s just not my style.” He pauses, adding gruffly, “Plus there’s this bird right outside the window that won’t shut its damned beak for more than a minute.”
“You sure it’s not just Barton?” Steve jokes with a laugh, leaning against the doorway. “I just swung by to let you know a bunch of us are going out tonight. Thought you might like to come along?”
“Nah,” Bucky shakes his head. The response is immediate, almost pre-programmed. He hadn’t had too much interaction with the rest of the Avengers since moving in. He was quiet, a lurker. Mostly hung around in the background of whatever was going on. He could tell Steve fit in well with his new friends, but Bucky wasn’t quite there yet. The thought didn’t exactly make him jealous, but it didn’t prompt him to want to socialize with them, either.
“Aw, c’mon,” Steve urges lightly. This isn’t the first time he’s invited him out with the team. It happens almost weekly. And every time Bucky denies the invitation. “It’ll be fun. I want you to meet the rest of the guys.”
“I’ve already met them,” Bucky counters lamely, “They seem like a great group.”
“I want you to get to know them,” Steve replies with more clarity.
“I know more about them than you think,” Bucky counters, not sure why he’s continuing the argument. But his statement was true. You tend to learn a lot about people when you’ve lived with them for over a month. Especially when no one else thinks you’re paying attention.
“Well, then come out and prove it!” Steve replies enthusiastically, and Bucky can’t help but crack a smile. Maybe he could go out tonight. Just this once.
Just for Steve.
____________________
“Well, well, well!” Tony Starks calls out loudly as Steve leads Bucky up to a long table in the back of a crowded bar, “Look what the cat dragged in. Or should I say out.”
Bucky stiffens a little in his jacket, his cool metal arm sliding in the material. Steve steers the two of them to seats right in the middle of the table, surrounded by the entire gang, and there’s already bottles of beer and plenty of cocktails littering the table. Bucky can see just about everyone’s there: Tony, Pepper and Rhodey across from him; Clint and Natasha to his right; Bruce nursing a glass of water at the end of the table; Darcy and Loki sharing intimate whispers in the corner, and Thor sitting with his arm around Jane to his left next to Steve.
Steve pulls out a chair for him, and he mumbles a thanks as he sits down. From down the table, Thor slides him a bottle of beer, “James! So glad you decided to join us this evening. This round’s on me.”
The table cheers a little as Steve sits down next to him, and he can hear Natasha to his right, laughing light-heartedly as she chides with a dry wit, “It’s about time, Barnes.”
Bucky raises his eyebrows and shrugs, smiling a little. He takes the beer and drinks a little, feeling marginally more at ease. Steve offers to take his jacket but he opts to leave it on.
“So, Bucky Barnes,” Tony chimes in again, and it’s obvious that while the whole table had been previously engrossed in side-conversations, now the spotlight is on him, “Finally decided to socialize with the A-Squad, huh?”
“Will you stop calling us ‘The A-Squad,’” Rhodey groans, shaking his head, “Do you have any idea how ridiculous that sounds?”
“Can’t, sorry.” Tony shrugs like he’s not sorry at all, holding up his Starkphone and tapping on it a few times, “I’ve already got it trending on Twitter. Almost one point five million tags in the last minute.”
Rhodey sighs and rolls his eyes as Tony puts his phone away and looks at Bucky expectantly for an answer. Bucky takes another swig of his beer, pursing his lips, “It wasn’t my idea. Steve thought I should get to know you better.”
The table groans collectively, throwing light-hearted boos Steve’s way as Steve holds up his hands in surrender. Bucky cuts in again though, quietly but just audible enough to be heard over the heckling, “I don’t know, I think I know you all pretty well already.”
Tony makes a “pfft,” sound, finishing the rest of his beer and shaking his head, “Right, Bionic-Boy. I haven’t heard you say more than two words since you first got here. No way you know a thing about me.”
Bucky smirks, the smile tugging up on the corner of his mouth, and he can see Steve staring at him out of the corner of his eye, “Who said I needed to talk to you to get to know you?”
“Prove it,” Tony challenges like a toddler on a play-ground. Already so indicative of typical Tony Stark behavior. This was going to be too easy for Bucky.
“Alright,” Bucky says, leaning into the table on his elbows, suddenly the picture of cool and confident, ready to play this game. “Where to start? I know Bruce likes to sing in the shower. Show tunes. From the fifties, am I right?”
Suddenly the table goes silent, all eyes on Bruce, whose eyes snap up. A chorus of subtle gasps ripple throughout the group. But he surprises everyone by laughing, tipping his glass of water towards Bucky, “Spot on.”
Bucky smirks, his eyes traveling down the table, “Natasha. I know you like to head up to the north side of the tower most nights around 1:30, when you think everyone is asleep,” He pauses, his eyes flickering on Clint, “And I know Barton likes to be in the same area around 1:35.”
Natasha’s cheeks go a little pink as she laughs breathlessly into her hand, ducking her head down in disbelief, and Clint stares at Bucky with his mouth gaping.
Tony just gapes at the two of them, “No. You two are…? No.”
“Oh yeah.” Bucky replies quickly and without a doubt, causing the table to laugh. Beside him Steve lets out an especially appreciative chuckle, and Bucky smiles as he continues.
“Thor,” He says his eyes landing on the god, “It took me a while to figure this one out, but you like talking to your hammer. Kinda strange, but hey. And you do it in this voice that sounds like you’re cooing to a dog or a baby.”
Thor stares at him before bursting out laughing, and now the whole table is in stitches. “It’s true!” Thor says in humble admission, Jane rolling her eyes and laughing at his side.
“Darcy and Loki…” Bucky continues, pointing at the pair so wrapped up in each other in the corner, “Are also fond of nightly rendezvous.”
“Nope, this doesn’t count as privy knowledge,” Tony interjects, “Everyone knows those two like to shack up like rabbits in the springtime.”
“But did you know their favorite spot is your private office?” Bucky continues with a wry look, almost causing Tony to do a spit-take of the sip of beer he’d just taken.
“Are you kidding me?” Tony throws the couple a glance, slamming his hands down on the table. “Say it ain’t so, Tasers. Please.”
Darcy smirks as Loki twines a lock of her hair around a few fingers, the two of them cuddling closer, “Sorry, Stark. That leather chair you’ve got in there is so choice.” The wicked gleam in Loki’s eyes only confirms this.
“Oh, and Stark,” Bucky calls out through the howling laughter of the table, “Speaking of your office, I know that’s where you like to keep your diary. Second row of your bookshelf, third in from the right.”
“Come again?” Tony says in disbelief, even though he’d fully heard what Bucky had said.
“Your diary,” Bucky repeats, the confident smirk on his face growing, “You’re a technology kinda guy, through and through. But even you won’t trust your most private thoughts with Jarvis. No way, it’s all hand-written and leather-bound for you, buddy.”
“Okay, first of all, it’s a journal,” Tony corrects with sass, holding up one finger, “And second of all: great. Thank you for revealing its secret location.”
The table is alive and electric, everyone chatting amongst themselves about what Bucky had revealed. He smirks, looking over at Steve, and Steve tips up his glass in a salute towards him.
“I told you I knew you all better than you thought,” Bucky responds smugly, looking back across the table towards Tony.
“That was impressive, I’ll admit it,” Tony shrugs, leaning back in his chair. He gestures towards Steve with one hand, “You forgot about someone, though.”
The table’s chatter comes to a gradual hush again, all eyes on Bucky, waiting to see what he’d have to say about Steve. Bucky blinks, taken aback as he stammers, “Steve? C’mon, I’ve known him since we were kids, I know everything there is to know about the guy. I mean, there was a good period of time where I thought I had to kill him...but still, that doesn’t count.”
“So you really think you know everything about Steve, huh?” Natasha asks, a sly look in her eyes.
“Of…of course I do,” Bucky grimaces like it’s preposterous he’s even being asked this. He looks at Steve, whose cheeks have turned slightly pink, eyes downcast. Why is he blushing? Is he embarrassed?
“So you know that when he goes running, his favorite route is the old neighborhood you two grew up in?” Clint asks, raising an eyebrow.
“Or that when we had movie night last month, Steve forced us all to watch King Kong because he knew it was your favorite movie, and it was the only way to get you to come watch with us?” Bruce quips slyly.
“What?” Bucky whips his head around in confusion at Steve, “You told me they all voted to watch that movie."
“I lied,” Steve shrugs as if to apologize, but the smile on his face says otherwise. Bucky glances around the table curiously, slowly piecing together what they were saying.
“And if you know Steven so well, surely you must know that when he first joined us, all he talked about was you. All the time, every day,” Thor interjects, and everyone nods their heads and murmurs in agreement.
“It’s true,” Darcy chimes in, “One time I took him out for coffee, and all he could talk about was how the cafe was built around the block from the schoolyard you two used to play in as kids. He wouldn’t shut up about you. No offense Steve, but that ranked pretty high as one of the worst dates of my life.”
“I didn’t know that was a date!” Both Steve and Loki exclaim at the same time, and the whole table erupts in laughter. Darcy throws an arm around Loki and kisses him tenderly, whispering something into his ear as Tony calls the attention back to him.
“Looks like there’s a lot you don’t know about our boy Steve here,” Tony says with a smirk, clearly enjoying the look of confusion on Bucky’s face. Tony stands up and shrugs into his jacket, and the rest of the table slowly begins to follow suit, the night finally winding down.
Bucky sits there dumbstruck. He looks at Steve for an answer, but Steve’s eyes are still downcast, his hands preoccupied spinning an empty beer bottle around in the table. He’s smiling though, one of those endearing bite-the-inside-of-your-cheek kind of grins.
As everyone leaves around them, Tony makes a point to stop and slap a hand on Bucky’s shoulder, “There’s a reason he’s been asking you out every week, Barnes.” With a wink at Steve, Tony leaves the two of them sitting at the table, surrounded by the empty chairs.
He suddenly becomes aware of just how close he’s been sitting to Steve, what with everyone packed in next to each other mere seconds ago. Their legs are touching, shoulders brushing. If Bucky were to lift his head he knows he’d find Steve’s nose right there. Can practically feel his hot breath on his cheek already.
They sit in the silence for a beat, Bucky nervously staring down at his hands in his lap. He can see Steve staring at him, but he can’t force himself to look up as he stammers, “You…uh, you like to run around our old neighborhood, huh?”
“Yeah,” Steve admits quietly, but with confidence, “I missed you, Buck. For the longest time I thought I’d never see you again. Thought you were dead. You have no idea what it’s like to see you ag - hmmph.”
Bucky cuts him off, lifting his head and finding Steve’s lips with his own. They’re soft, softer than he’d imagined the’d be. And the little noise Steve makes is one of the nicest things Bucky’s heard in a long time. The kiss is quick and sudden, taking the both of them by surprise. Bucky pulls back with a blink, unbelieving at what he’d just done.
“I do know what it’s like to see you again,” He admits quietly, his eyes darting from Steve’s and back down to the table in nervousness. What if he doesn’t feel that way about him? What if he hadn’t wanted to be kissed? Did he just ruin it all? His heart feels like it could beat right out of his chest. “I’m sorry, I didn’t - the kiss was - I mean - ”
“Bucky,” Steve says with a breathy laugh, stopping his stammering, “Shut up.” Bucky stops and looks up at Steve. Into those kind, round eyes, always understanding exactly what he means with just a look. In an instant, he’s flooded with a sense of reassurance and comfort. He’s home.
And then Steve kisses him again.