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Clint has this thing. It’s a very simple and fun thing (in Clint’s opinion) that he enjoys doing to his friends, it’s something that has been done by many others to their respective peers since the beginning of time, when humanity first rose from the earth and started walking forward. It’s a surprise hug.
It’s a really easy thing to do too. All you need to do is hide in a dark corner, wait until your prey passes by you and then scream at the top of your lungs “surprise hug!” as you jump on their backs. At SHIELD Clint didn’t get many chances to do this since every agent packed a taser and wasn’t afraid to use it, but in the mansion there were no tasers so he didn’t have to worry about getting his balls fried (again).
When he’d done it to Hank the other man had jumped, screamed little a little girl, dropped everything he was holding to the ground and then proceeded to walk away murmuring indecencies at the archer. In Clint’s opinion that hug was totally a big success.
When he had tried it on Steve and Thor, both men had twisted Clint midair and then threw him against the nearest wall with adamant strength. Damn them and their trained warrior reflexes. Sure, they had apologized afterwards, but apologies didn’t fix broken ribs.
T-Challa literally has ninja sense, and Clint failed miserably at trying to surprise hug him three times before he gave and deemed the other man as a lost case.
Jan had fallen to the floor under Clint’s weight, and then kicked Clint’s butt as soon as she got back in her feet. Girl sure could handle herself in a fight when needed.
Tony had been a bit harder to surprise hug since he barely ever left his workshop, and when he did leave he was always in Steve’s company, which meant Clint couldn’t surprise hug him unless he wanted Steve to beat the shit out of him again (Steve also had a thing, but it was nothing like Clint’s thing. Steve’s thing was that he immediately assumed everyone with eerie moves was out to get him, which meant pulling pranks on him was always quite dangerous).
Luckily though, one night around three in the morning Clint saw Tony walking like a zombie around the hallways in the mansion, probably got lost in the way back to his bedroom again, and he was never going to forget how loud Tony had screamed. It had been even better than his surprise hug to Hank, and his surprise hug to Hank had been pretty damn good.
Natasha was already used to Clint’s surprise hugs, so the archer didn’t even bother.
This only left Doctor Banner and Clint was really excited about his hug. He and Bruce were sort of friends, they hanged out sometimes around ass o’clock in the morning, both men having insomnia and problems sleeping. In fact that was one of things they talked about, not being able to sleep, why they weren’t able to sleep. Clint wasn’t used to sharing his stories with people, but he didn’t really mind telling them to Bruce, it’s not like the other man had anyone to tell them to. It was refreshing and it gave Clint a new sense of calmness he didn’t used to have, although sometimes they also remained in silence, just because they could, and watched the stars and the moon together. If it weren’t so crazy, two dangerous superheroes hanging around together in a mansion full of other dangerous superhero, Clint would have dared to stay it was romantic.
Usually he was the one to show up first with a blanket, Bruce coming short minutes afterwards with two mugs of hot chocolate. It made Clint feel a little bit childish, drinking cocoa with a friend and learning all the constellations’ names (Bruce knew every single one of them), but that feeling was just ridiculous because Clint never had a proper childhood, so how would he know what it feels like to be a kid?
During the day they barely ever saw each other except for a couple of brief moments when they passed by one another in the hallways, and Clint decided he if he was going to surprise hug Bruce, he was going to do it on one of their daylight encounters.
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He waited in the shadows for what had to be at least four full hours. He was on the hallway between Bruce’s lab and the kitchen, which meant if Bruce wanted to eat he would have to pass by Clint. Problem was Clint had totally forgotten how Bruce sometimes pulled a Stark, and went hours on end without any food.
Funny enough, all the other Avengers pass by him at least once. Jan and Hank didn’t even notice him, and thank God because if they did Clint was officially getting sloppy, Steve gave him a funny look and T’Challa only raised a perfectly trimmed eyebrow. Thor, possibly one of the most genuinely friendly guys Clint as ever met, stayed with him for some solid twenty minutes until he got bored and hungry.
Natasha ignored him completely, and when Tony noticed Clint (after Steve had pointed him out first) he proceeded to pass by the same dammed hallway at least six times, laughing in Clint’s face every single time.
When Bruce finally came out Clint was sitting on the floor, massaging his right leg after he got a cramp from standing still for so long. Luckily Bruce was busy whistling his favorite song and he didn’t notice Clint getting up brusquely, walking right past the other man.
The moment Bruce was two steps in front of the place Clint was hiding in, the arched jumped, screaming “surprise hug!!” into the air as he clanged to Bruce’s back, except only a couple of seconds afterwards he was no longer clinging to Bruce, a green beast replacing the thin freckled man.
“I may have not thought that one through.” Clint said, because he really hadn’t. He’d been preparing the surprise hug on Bruce for a whole week, but he hadn’t really thought of what was going to happen after the hug itself. Mostly because people usually just shrugged him off immediately, but Bruce wasn’t exactly what you can call a normal person; he was a man whose altered ego took control over his body whenever Bruce got angry, and apparently when he got surprised too.
The Hulk stood motionless for a couple of seconds, with Clint still clinging to him, until he started laughing. It was a full blooming laugh that echoed all around the mansion, he laughed and laughed until his body shrank down and Clint found himself with an armful of semi-naked Bruce.
When he finally finished laughing Bruce cleaned some tears from his eyes, turned around and gave Clint a proper hug. This time it was Clint’s turn to stand motionless for some good seconds, until he put his arms around Bruce and awkwardly hugged the other man back.
“Would you like to grab something to eat with me Clint?” Bruce asked when he finally broke off the hug that seemed to have lasted way too much to be normal in Clint’s opinion, not that he was complaining.
“I’d love to.”