Work Text:
The wound was gross, simply put. A deep gash stretched across Five’s stomach from the underside of his left ribs to just above his right hipbone. It was red and irritated. Fresh blood poured out of the wound, mixing with the dried blood that has crusted around the edges of the cut. Pus also seeped out, it’s colour a stark contrast against the crimson that stained his pale skin.
It was ironic, in the movies blood always seemed bright red. It always stood out and forced the viewer to look at it. But in reality, the blood was dark, allowing it to camouflage into Five’s jacket and for you to not notice it until it was too late and he’d collapsed from the blood loss.
But in the movies, the wound also healed quickly and the character’s moved on with their lives - life wasn’t like a movie.
You had been forced to practically drag him back to your shelter. The malnourishment meant that what muscles you once had were quickly gone in an attempt for your body to energise itself. Your arms were weak and by the time you reached the shelter, you felt like your they were seconds away from dropping off.
Once you’d reached the makeshift shelter you two had made up, you deposited of him onto the only mattress you had. A selfish part of you wanted to place him elsewhere, somewhere where he couldn’t stain and ruin the mattress that had taken you two years to find amongst the rubble. But that thought was quickly shot down as your compassion for him won and you realised he wouldn’t hesitate in doing the same for you.
After a while, he had woken up and you immediately took the chance to berate him for not telling you sooner. You used your anger to mask the deep fear that you felt, it was a trait you’d, unfortunately, picked up from Five.
It was a few days after he’d collapsed and you hadn’t allowed him to move from the bed. He was currently sitting up while you knelt on the floor next to the mattress. You grimaced as you looked at the wound. You had managed to stitch it up, but the workmanship was sloppy as you lacked both the tools and expertise to be doing it. His wound had gotten worse over the days and no matter what you tried to do to help, nothing was working.
Not only had the wound gotten worse, but an infection had begun to spread rapidly throughout Five’s body. He’d had a fever for the past two days and more recently he’s been less and less lucid. He’s been sleeping for most of the days but when he’s awake, he pretty much has stopped initiating conversation, only talking when necessary. You were worried.
You shook your head to clear the steadily approaching negative thoughts and got back to the task at hand. You picked up your water bottle and carefully tipped some of your precious water into your cupped hand, quickly bringing it up to Five’s stomach so you could rise the wound.
Out of the corner of your eye, you could see him wince slightly as you accidentally put too much pressure on it and you eased up, your touch becoming featherlike. After it was as clean as it was going to get, you reached over and picked up one of the last bandages of your supply. He sat up slightly to allow you to reach behind him to wrap the bandage around his stomach.
You had a limited medical set up, consisting of painkillers, a couple tubes of disinfectant ointment, a handful of bandages as well as a sewing kit that was usually meant for stitching clothes but you had to use for his wound. It had taken the both of you four years to gather all the supplies. Hours of shifting through rubble, desperate to find anything to add to your medical supply in case of an emergency. But in the end, you had managed to burn through it all in a matter of days.
Once you were satisfied with the wrapping, you leaned back on your heels and allowed him to tug his shirt back down.
"How’s it look?" He asked, his voice breaking the silence.
You bit your bottom lip as you wracked your brain for an adequate answer to give him. You didn’t want to lie to him, but you didn’t want to tell him the harsh truth. You refused to look into his eyes as you stuttered out an answer, "I-I’m, uh, not too sure… Ma-Maybe just rest up a bit and we can, um, we can see in the morning?" You said with an uncertain tone.
Five’s eyes narrowed and even in his drowsy state, he knew you were lying. "Don’t bullshit me, Y/N. Just give it to me straight."
You still hesitated, you didn’t even want to think about what was likely to happen, even less say it out loud; because you knew that as soon as you said it out loud, it would make it all too real.
At your hesitation, Five scoffed lightly, leaning back against the crumbling wall that the mattress was pushed up against. "Grow up, Y/N. We’re 17. I’m not a kid so just tell me what’s wrong!" He demanded, his voice gradually getting louder as his temper shortened.
You clenched your jaw and blinked back the rapidly approaching tears, "Fine!" You snapped back. "I don’t know if you’re gonna make it through the night."
A heavy silence fell over the both of you as Five took in the words you said.
Five’s face flashed through emotions almost too quickly for you to decipher. First anger, then confusion, fear, sadness, before finally landing on resignation. You felt a pang of guilt rise up from your stomach as you watched him. You shouldn’t have said it like that. You shouldn’t have yelled. You should have been more calm, just like your mother used to be. It wasn’t his fault he was dying, but your anger at the world had trumped any other emotion and in the heat of the moment, you had let it slip.
"I’m sorry," you said, your voice nothing more than a whisper. "I-I’ve tried everything I can, but we’re out of medical supplies." You took a deep breath. "There’s nothing I can do," your voice sounded small and you hated yourself for that. You wanted to be strong for Five, but your walls were quickly crumbling like the ruins that surrounded you.
Five didn’t say anything, but he didn’t have to. After years of living in the apocalypse with only each other for company, you had come to recognise each emotion that crossed his face. And you knew that he was having an internal war. You knew the morbid thought that lingered at the back of his mind, that perhaps it wouldn’t be so bad to leave this Earth, you had those thoughts too. But you also knew that he was a protector at heart, and would do anything to keep you safe, and leaving you alone wasn’t the answer. He would be blaming himself, for his recklessness in getting hurt, for not telling you sooner, for toying- even briefly- with the idea of leaving you.
You reached out and placed your hand over his in a weak attempt of reassurance. "It’s not your fault." He opened his mouth to argue but you kept talking. "The only thing you can do now is sleep, and hope that your temperature will go down overnight," you said, your voice shaking as you pushed on your thighs to stand up to your feet.
Five didn’t respond, and you took that as a silent agreement. You helped him shift into a more comfortable position on the bed before picking up the ratty blanket at the end of the mattress and draping it over him, tucking it in at the edges. You knew he didn’t like you fussing over him, but you did it nonetheless, anything to make you feel like you were helping him. And he let you, knowing that it was helping ease your guilt just a bit.
You stood over him after you finished tucking him in, your eyes scanning for anything else you could do. But you sighed as you found nothing that could be done and you realised you should leave him to rest anyway. You didn’t want to leave him at all, but you knew Five and you knew that he liked his alone time, especially during times of vulnerability.
You turned to go keep watch out by the fire but as you went to step away, a warm hand clasped around your wrist.
You turned back to Five to see him with a pleading look on his face. "Can you stay? Please?"
He had never been this vulnerable before and you knew that it was hurting him to be so, but you could also see the fear in his face at the thought of dying and you couldn’t say no.
You silently nodded your head and he quickly shuffled over on the mattress, a silent invitation to sit next to him.
You gently clambered in next him, resting your back against the wall and stretching your legs out in front of you. Next to you, Five had once again shifted and rested his head onto your lap, his weakened body curling around his stomach. You managed to keep in the surprised noise that had threatened to come out of your mouth, careful not to startle Five. He’d never been one to initiate contact between you two. Even after four years together in the apocalypse, you still found he sometimes struggled to give in to your hugs that you gave him after a particularly rough day.
You didn’t comment on this though and instead began to run your fingers through his hair as he looked up at you with a look of contemplation of his face. His forehead was hot to touch and his body was far too warm pressed against yours, just another worrying sign of his infection.
It was quiet for a few moments as you shifted uncomfortably under his gaze, when finally he spoke, "can you sing for me?"
You felt yourself tense at the question, the fever must really be getting to him at this point. "I’m not a very good singer," you said.
"I don’t care, I hear you singing all the time," Five replied.
It was true, you did have a tendency to sing to yourself. You would sing all the time. When you were scavenging for food and supplies. When you were mending holes in the clothes that you both had been wearing for far too long now. When you were heating that nights dinner of whatever tinned food was available. You weren’t the best singer, but it was one of the things that connected you to home and kept you sane.
The silence often became too loud for you, and you sang to drown it out.
You dumbly nodded your head and opened your mouth to sing.
"Somewhere over the rainbow, way up high,
There’s a land that I heard of once in a lullaby,"
The first few lines of the song came out raspy as your voice adjusted to the song, but Five showed no displeasure at this as he simply continued to look up at you with a look of content over his face.
"Someday I'll wish upon a star,
Wake up where the clouds are far behind me,"
In your long years of the apocalypse, your memory of songs had faded and you often found yourself forgetting the lyrics. Sometimes you would just skip to the next part, or if you were in a better mood, you would create your own silly lyrics, often pertaining to what you doing at that moment.
"Where trouble melts like lemon drops, high above the chimney top,
That's where you'll find me,"
Five looked at you as if you hung the moon in the sky. His eyes darted around your face as though he was taking note of every detail.
"I see trees of green and red roses too,
I’ll watch them bloom for me and you,"
His breathing had slowed significantly and his chest rose and fell so shallowly it was barely noticeable.
"I see skies of blue and clouds of white,
The bright blessed day, the dark sacred night,"
Outside, the wind blew strong gusts of wind that shook the walls of your bunker, the lantern next to the bed flickered dangerously. From what you had seen earlier, a storm was coming soon.
"The colours of the rainbow so pretty in the sky,
Are also on the faces of people passing by,"
His blinking had slowed and it seemed as though keeping his eyes open was an effort for him. It would be any moment now that he would fall asleep - possibly never waking up.
Hot tears fell from your eyes and rolled down your cheeks, but you didn’t brush them away. Instead, you shifted one of your hands so that it rested on his shoulder, your thumb brushing a soothing pattern. The other hand remained carding through his hair.
"I see friends shaking hands, saying how do you do,"
Five’s tired eyes locked onto yours with an intensity that momentarily took your breath away. As if he was trying to convey every emotion he had felt that he never got the opportunity to truly express.
But you felt it.
It hit you hard. The need he felt to protect you. The respect he gained for you over the years. The deep love and affection that ran through his body.
It was his goodbye.
"They’re really saying, I, I love you,"
You choked back a sob as Five’s eyes finally slid shut and his face smoothed out as he fell into unconsciousness. You didn’t know if Five would ever open his eyes again.
You gasped for air, but your sobs ripped it right back out of your lungs again. But you had made a promise to Five and you continued to sing, determined to finish the song for him.
"I hear babies cry and I watch them grow,
They’ll learn much more than, we’ll ever know,"
You struggled to sing as sobs wracked your body. Your voice kept breaking on each word and it was an effort to get the words out past the lump in your throat. Five was now limp in your arms and you cradled him to your chest, tears falling into his hair and your heaving breaths rattling throughout your body.
"And I think to myself, what a wonderful world,"
The wind had picked up around you, but it was nothing compared to the hurricane that was forming in your mind. The wall behind you cracked just a bit more and dust particles fell and landed around you. The sky above was a smokey grey colour and clouds of ash flew overhead. The lingering smell of decaying bodies hit and you cried harder at the thought of Five soon joining them.
Your sobs mixed with the never-ending silence of the apocalypse, echoing off the crumbling walls of the shelter around you.
"And I think to myself, what a wonderful world." You muttered, finally ending your song.
You laid Five carefully down on the mattress and rested your head on his chest, the song of his drawn-out heartbeat filling your ears, until is slowed to nothing but silence.