Archive of Our Own

I don't exactly know what I was expecting when Sasha walked into my workplace covered in a thin layer of sweat, breathing like she had sprinted all the way there from her apartment three blocks away. I was already pressing buttons for the items in her usual order when she thrust her phone into my vision.

"Marco likes you and I have proof," She panted.

I stared at her incredulously for a moment, wondering where such an accusation came from. I swatted her hand away, feeling my heart pang with a longing that I had held onto for four excruciating years. “Sorry to disappoint you, but Marco doesn’t have feelings for me at all—”

“Would you take my damn phone and read our messages?” She practically shrieked. 

I blinked, shocked for a moment before snatching her phone, scrolling through their messages, a scowl forming on my face as I read.

Marco
I HATE BEING GAY

Sasha
????

Sasha
What? Why? 

Marco
Dating is so hard.

Sasha
Dating is rough when you're straight too??

Marco
I dunno. Do YOU only match with men looking for just a hookup with a cute guy? I DON’T WANT ANYMORE DICK PICS, I JUST WANT SOMETHING REAL.

Sasha
Well, I think your first problem is that you’re matching with people on Grindr. 

Marco
shut up… It’s possible. I’ve heard of it happening before.

Sasha
Honey, I don’t think that’s how it works…

Marco
I WISH IT WAS. HOW AM I GOING TO GET OVER MY STUPID CRUSH IF I DON’T?

Sasha
Marco, you and Jean really need to talk...

Marco
We talk all the time?

Sasha
Not the way you need to :)

Marco
… What is that supposed to mean? We’re best friends, we talk about everything

Sasha
<3

Marco
Sasha, what are you planning?

Sasha
:)

Marco
SASHA

Sasha
Meet me at The Daily Bean in 20 minutes. Don’t be late or I’ll tell Jean you love him!

Marco
Don’t you dare.

Sasha
lol

Marco
I promise I’ll tell him soon, but you’re way closer and I don’t have a chance of getting there first.

Sasha
You might beat me there if you run <3

I stared at her phone for a moment, trying to process the words that Sasha had shoved into my face until finally, I let out a gasp and practically threw the device back into her hand. Part of me felt excited and giddy with this new insightful information. It was clearly stated in their messages that Marco was in love with me, and that confirmation was something that I had wished to hear since the day he ran away after graduation. Although it seemed like it was only good news to Sasha, I still felt myself panic. The information I was given was very insightful, personal, forbidden knowledge that Marco didn't want me to know. I felt like I was betraying my closest friend by reading it. "Why the fuck did you show me that, Sasha? Marco told you not to tell me—"

"Don't you like him?" She interrupted, laughing as she spoke.

God damn, was I really that obvious? I had feelings for him, but he was my childhood best friend. I had met him back in junior high and we were inseparable since. Unfortunately, I had caught feelings for him the day we skipped high school graduation and we had ended up kissing… Well, we made out actually, but that’s not the point. The point was, Marco didn’t like me then, and I was stuck harboring feelings for him for years since I realized I loved him too late.

College had made it a bit harder to see him, and the distance was really getting to me. We’d spend the occasional weekend together working on homework for classes that neither of us shared, but we’d do it together so we could talk and hang out. Or sometimes we’d see each other at a college party that the both of us were invited to. Other than that, it was the occasional wave from across campus when we were walking to different classes, or the few phone calls when we missed the other, or the memes Marco would text me, or even on the occasional morning when Marco would come into work and order the same thing every time. Moments like that were wonderful, but it was sort of exhausting… Even though we acted as if nothing had changed, I could tell that Marco was actively trying to avoid me sometimes, so I never tried to initiate things further if he refused my advances to hang out, but after Marco avoided me for two weeks, and we hadn't been together for every hour of every day, I had realized I was in love with my goddamn best friend.

I let out a loud groan and covered my face with my hands. "How did you find out? Did Connie tell you?!"

"He did, but it's kind of obvious," she attempted to stop laughing.

Of course it was Connie. That stupid bitch didn’t know when to keep his mouth shut. Why did I trust him with such a secret? I guess I didn’t really trust him with my secret, he just figured it out on his own too, but still... I blushed and moved my hands, glaring at her. "Shut up… why did you make me read that? Marco didn't want me to know, I can't keep that a secret from him."

"Jean, he thinks you're straight. He’s told me millions of times before." She was still laughing, I wondered what the fuck was so funny about all of this. Sure, I told Marco I was straight a loads of times back in high school, but I’m pretty sure he heard me when I admitted to my dad that I loved him the morning after graduation. "I thought you guys were close friends, why haven't you come out to him yet?"

"You don't just come out to someone that's openly gay." I deadpanned. "That just makes it obvious that I want to—"

The bell at the door rang interrupting me and in walked a flustered-looking freckled boy, his cheeks red—possibly from the cold, but the texts I read made me wonder if it was for other reasons. He seemed to rush over, breathing heavily as if he had sprinted in world record-breaking time. A soft smile formed on his face, making him seem not at all intimidating, but regardless his presence sent fear shooting straight through my body. Four years, I spent being overly cautious, scared of making my best friend uncomfortable, and I’m sure that Marco wasn’t ignorant about how on guard and skittish I was around him.

"Hi, Jean!" The handsome man spoke, his voice was slightly nervous sounding even though he seemed the opposite. His brown eyes sparkled as we made eye contact, the smile he wore was framed by his soft freckled cheeks, dimples popping out with how wide his lips spread. A straight set of teeth appeared, somehow making him look even more perfect. His hair was parted down the middle, combed in a way that looked smooth and neat, and yet the shaggy pieces of hair in the front hung in his face, covering part of his forehead. It was longer than usual, Marco needed a haircut… but I liked it when it got longer. Jesus, was I weak. He turned to Sasha—thank God—and glared at her with a smile on his face. "What were you guys talking about?"

I wasn't sure how to respond. I hadn't thought of some lie in the few minutes I had socialized with Sasha, and I had spent my extra time gawking at him, so I stared at him blankly. I was grateful he wasn't looking at me when he asked because Sasha seemed cool and confident as she responded. "Jean and I were wondering what you'd order."

"Y-Yeah…" I quickly agreed.

Marco glanced over at me when I spoke with a look of confusion and I swallowed, hoping he wouldn't read the fear in my eyes.

"Uh… could I get a caramel mocha latte?"

I could have told Sasha exactly what my best friend would have wanted—even though the two of us tended to avoid each other a bit—so her excuse probably seemed a bit fishy, but I quickly wrote his order down. A smile formed on my face. "Do you want a cranberry orange muffin?"

He grinned back and I swear I could die right then and there. A smile caused by me had become a rare treat in these trying times. "Of course. You know me so well." His tone was teasing, and sassy. God damn, his voice was so smooth and beautiful—comforting in every single way as words slipped from his tongue. If Sasha wasn't there I would have rambled out the thoughts I had harbored since the days of our youth right there, but who the hell wanted to hear a love confession from a part-time cashier at a coffee shop?

"I want my usual!" Sasha inserted, ending our gay moment and I quickly wrote down everything as I silently thanked her for the interruption. 

Marco pulled his wallet out to pay and I quickly spoke. "It's on the house today."

He raised an eyebrow and made eye contact with me again, blinking incredulously as he slowly bit his bottom lip and put his wallet back. God, he was cute. This morning was getting harder and harder. Why did Sasha have to tell me about his unrequited feelings for me when I felt the exact same way? It had been years since I fell for him. Years since we graduated high school, and I had accepted the fact that nothing would ever come from it. Now, I was sitting here formulating plans in my head on how I would come out to him. How could I make it special? What should I do…

Marco was going to be the death of me.

"Are you sure? I can pay for it—"

"I'll take care of it," I replied. "It's been a bit since I've seen you… I missed you." A soft blush formed on his cheeks and my heart ached as I felt my walls breaking down. The acceptance that Marco’s heart would never be mine was fluttering away, replacing itself with the hope that I never thought I’d ever receive. It was like I was falling all over again for him… Fuck. I hated all these Goddamn feelings. I had recently gotten comfortable with him again after discovering I was hopelessly in love with him. What if I fucked everything up regardless? 

"Thanks," he said softly. "I missed you too, Jean."

God, I loved it when he said my name… no one on this hell-hole hellish planet could say my name so perfectly like the way he did. 

"Thanks, Jean!" Sasha draped her arm around Marco's shoulders, once again interrupting us. "You're the best!" She quickly towed him away, and I could hear them loudly whispering to each other as I sighed with relief.

One caramel mocha latte, a cranberry orange muffin, two warm chocolate chip cookies, a slice of banana bread, and a large vanilla bean frappuccino later, I had finished their order. In a small moment of bravery, I decided to draw a heart on the latte instead of writing his name before setting it on the pickup counter. I didn’t see how he reacted because the morning rush started quickly after that, and Connie and Thomas appeared from the back after finishing their morning prep to start making coffee orders. I quickly wrote down tickets for the others to deal with. When the rush was over, Sasha and Marco were both gone.

I would tell him… I just needed to process things first.

*****

That whole day I suffered wondering how I would bring it up to Marco without being suspicious. If he loved me back I might as well stop hiding the fact that I had feelings for him… and yet I was still terrified. Was it because I was scared Marco would just run again? After he heard everything my dad and I fought about, he had left without saying goodbye by crawling out my window. I’m not sure if there was anything more painful than Marco ignoring me for weeks after that as well. I hurt him, and it made me wonder when Marco realized that he loved me too. When did things change? If he loved me when we kissed, would he have left as he did? 

When did Marco finally realize that he wanted more from our friendship… and why? It couldn’t have been before high school graduation… there was no way. As for why, I hardly had anything to offer, save it for my stubborn attitude, along with an almost permanent scowl, followed by the occasional sarcastic comment. How did a cheerful guy like Marco have feelings for me?

I literally read text messages he had sent admitting that he loved me and yet here I was scared absolutely shitless.

I couldn’t focus, I was too hyper-fixated on ways I could sweep that freckled idiot off his feet. I missed an entire lecture due to daydreaming of our first real date, of holding his hand, of kissing him for the first time while stone-cold sober, of telling him I loved him for years… That was one thing I didn’t want to fuck up. I wanted to make it an intimate and memorable experience. Marco deserved the best, if it didn’t seem like it came out of a fairytale book, I didn’t fucking want it.

I wondered what flowers he’d like, or what food he’d like to eat, or what he’d even like to do. Had his favorite things all changed since we were in high school? Would he like to go to the movies, or… if it was warmer, we could have gone on a romantic picnic or hiking. That unfortunately also meant we couldn’t go stargazing, which was one thing I had loved when we were kids.

I vividly remembered laying on the trampoline in Marco’s backyard, staring up at the stars as we laid close to each other. I hadn’t had feelings for him back then, but I remember that I still had the urge to move close to him to the point that our shoulders were touching, and that I’d cling to my best friend’s every word as he told me about each star. His voice was always such a treat to hear, his laugh accompanying the beautiful words that I clung to desperately back then.

Marco had always been beautiful, inside and out.

A wad of paper hit me in the head, interrupting my thoughts, and I glared behind me at Connie who was waving his phone at me, pointing at it. I let out a loud sigh and turned back around, growling as I pulled my phone out, seeing a few missed text messages from Connie.

Connie
Jean???

Connie
sasha told me that she told you marco loved you???

Connie
JEAN WHEN WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THAT YOU CONFESSED TO MARCO???

I blinked at the text messages, wondering when in hell's name I ever told Marco I loved him. I had drawn a heart on his cup… that wasn’t a love confession. My heart raced as I texted back.

Jean
I HAVENT TOLD HIM ANYTHING

Connie
???????

Connie
what the hell was he saying on twitter then?? he said hes going on a date????

I blinked and quickly went to twitter, checking Marco’s recent tweets. Sure enough, an hour ago he had posted that he was going on a date in two days. Everyone was showering him with positive replies, one person telling him to ‘Get it,’

I was going to be sick.

People started talking amongst each other and rising from their seats, and I realized I hadn’t paid any attention to the lecture whatsoever. I didn’t care though, because I had more pressing matters to worry about at that moment. I sat in my seat as I frantically scrolled through my contacts, ignoring all of Connie’s text messages as I quickly messaged Marco.

Jean
so

Jean
i hear you got a date on friday

I really didn’t want him to answer, part of me dreaded knowing what he had to say, but my best friend was always really good at answering any of my texts or calls and his response came almost immediately.

Marco
Yeah!!! I’m so excited. I actually know him for once so it might be less awkward. 

Marco knew him… why did that make it worse?

Marco
You know Thomas right? 

Oh God… no…

Marco
He drew a heart on my latte this morning. Isn’t that funny? I didn’t know he was bisexual. I asked him who drew the heart on the cup and he admitted to it. Then after we talked for a bit, he asked me on a date. I’m kind of excited. He seems like a nice guy…

Connie had grabbed my shoulder and shook me in the middle of reading Marco's text, shouting into my ears. “Hellooooo? Earth to Jean… Jesus Christ, you look like you’ve seen a ghost. Why didn’t you answer my texts—”

“I swear to God , I am going to beat the ever-living shit out of Thomas Wagner .” I breathed out through clenched teeth. Oh, that bitch had better not come within my sights, because I was ready to send that piece of shit to hell and back. I balled my fists and pressed them against the table in front of me, letting out a few low growls as I imagined what it’d be like to break my knuckles against that asshole’s jaw, or how satisfying it would feel to kick him in the side till I broke some of his ribs.

Connie seemed to read my anger and backed away. Good idea. I didn’t want to destroy Connie when he had done absolutely nothing wrong. “Shit, Jean. What did Thomas do—”

"He's a mother fucking liar !" I hissed out, glaring at Connie as I slammed my fists into the table, emitting a loud crash through the lecture hall. Professor Hange was gone, which was probably a good thing. I wanted to be angry and loud. 

Connie was still a bit confused but kept his distance as he spoke. "A liar?"

"He told Marco that he drew that heart, and that was a fucking lie! I did it! I fucking did it, not him! I drew a god damn heart on Marco’s cup." Confirming it by speaking out loud wasn’t a good idea. If I wanted to be angry, I should have let my vision turn red and hunted Thomas down. Hearing myself confirm that the fucker had swooped in and took Marco from me when I just started having hope again was enough to crush my spirits and destroy me. I was about to break, I could feel it. I was so frustrated that I wanted to cry.

Don't fucking cry, Jean .

I let Connie slowly understand what was happening as I unclenched my fists and covered my ears, my phone going off with text messages from the best friend I had loved for years. “...Wait, Marco isn’t going on a date with Thomas, is he?”

I fucking broke. Me confirming it was one thing, but hearing Connie confirm it destroyed me.

We were going to be late but I didn’t care because tears started to form in my eyes and I sure as hell was NOT going to my next class looking like I cried. However, I was unfortunate enough to choose a time in which Connie was there to watch me break down and I felt ashamed of myself. Why didn’t I just tell Marco? I should have just told him when I had the chance. “Thomas is a fucking liar and a bitch and I’m going to fucking kill him— ”

I cried. I didn’t want to break down, but there I was weeping over even more missed opportunities due to my cowardice and perfectionism. I could have easily written an ‘I love you,’ on his cup, or put my initials next to the heart, so he knew it was from me… But how was I supposed to know that another person would take credit for my stupid little attempt at hinting towards the feelings I had harbored since our high school graduation? Hell, I could have straight-up confessed to him while at the cash register and it all still would have turned out better than what had happened that day. Why was I so hopelessly romantic? Why did I insist on making everything special?

Four years of unrequited pining only to get the one opportunity given to me viciously ripped from my fingers by a piece of garbage named Thomas Wagner.

“Jean…” Connie quickly grabbed my arm again and looked directly at my hideously tear-stained face. “He likes you, doesn’t he? Sasha told me that he’s trying to forget you…” He tried scrambling for some sort of comforting thing to say to me, but that opening sentence didn’t help at all. Marco was trying to forget me and he found a replacement so easily, I could have potentially watched him do it. I lurched with a sob, trying so hard to hold back my emotions, and yet I was such a mess. "Goddammit, Jean… just listen. You and Marco have been through so much together. Confess to him. You really think he’d choose someone he hardly knows over you—the object of his affection for who knows how long? I'm sure he'll drop that date if he has a chance with you. The only reason he's going on a date with him in the first place is to get over you… Right? Maybe try telling him you like him?"

That was a bit better. Connie was right about one thing, Marco was trying to get over me because he had no idea how much I actually liked him. So the obvious solution was to tell him… right?

I scrambled to unlock my phone, trying to wipe away tears in hope that they would stop falling soon. Desperately I typed out the sentence, ‘I’m in love with you,’ and held myself back from typing an entire paragraph. Once I did so, my eyes hovered over the send button, heart aching for me to send the message so I could receive some sort of closure from this whole situation, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

Connie stared at me for a moment before asking. “Dude, what are you waiting for?”

I trembled. “I can’t…”

He blinked and let out an exasperated sigh. “Why the fuck not? Marco loves you back, you have nothing to lose. You’re seriously scared of confessing to—”

“No, no no…” I sniffled, wiping my eyes as I deleted the sentence. “I’m not scared of telling him. You bet your ass I’m going to confess to him, but I can’t do this over text like we’re still in middle school or something.”

“Wow. That’s disgustingly sweet of you.” He replied, grinning as he spoke. "What the hell are you, a hopeless romantic?"

I ignored him as I quickly typed out a different sentence. Marco had sent me a million texts about Thomas and I’m sure he’d know I hadn’t read any of them once I sent the text, but I didn’t care. I was going to tell the idiot I liked him the right way, or not at all.

Jean
can we talk? in person ofc… i need to tell u something

After that, I sort of tuned out Connie, because Marco was messaging me so quickly. I wondered if he was in class right then, talking to me instead of listening.

Marco
Yeah, of course! Are you okay? Did something happen?

Jean
im fine and u could say that

Marco
Exams are coming up, so I’ve been pretty busy… I’m free for an hour and a half tomorrow between classes around 11. Would that work?

Jean
thats perfect

Marco
Great! I’ll see you then. If you came over with a caramel mocha latte and a cranberry orange muffin, I’d love you forever? 🥺

Jean
deal

Connie had hovered over my shoulder as I spoke to Marco, and his support would normally be annoying, but after my sudden outburst, it felt comforting to know I had a friend to lean on. Marco might have been my best friend, but Connie was a close second. “Don’t sweat it, Jean.” He said, placing a hand on my shoulder, patting me gently as I wiped tears from my face. “Things are going to work out.”

I chose to believe him because I don’t think I could have survived that day if I hadn’t.

*****

I had never experienced a longer day. I had made plans with Marco at noon after my Sociology class and decided to skip my Constitutional Law class after crying like a fucking idiot. Part of me wished that I hadn’t gotten emotional though, because that hour and a half of sitting in my dorm alone was hell. When you're alone and you have nothing better to do, you think.

And boy, did I reminisce in the past memories I shared with Marco. 

I tried to distract myself with multiple things, but everything always reminded me of him. I was throwing my dirty clothes into the shared dorm washing machines and I was reminded of the times Marco and I used each other’s clothes. Once he had stolen my basketball jersey for a few weeks when the season was over, and I remembered thinking he was cute while wearing it. I was still convincing myself that I was straight back then, but Marco was starting to make me question everything.

I stared at my textbook for a bit in silence, hoping to gain something from its contents, but all I could think about was the way that Marco would scrunch his face up when he was looking at problems he had to solve on his calculus homework or the way he’d bite his lip or peek his tongue out every time he pondered on a question for a long time. Watching him do that was torture because all I could think of was the one kiss we shared on the night of graduation Instead of doing any homework, I just smiled and thought about how cute Marco was.

Netflix didn’t even help either, because all I could think of was the day that Connie made me realize that I wasn’t straight. That was the day that changed my life forever, possibly for the better if Marco truly did reciprocate my feelings.

I attempted to sleep early, cuddling the axolotl plushie that Marco had won me at the arcade we used to go to. I wished that I could skip to the next day and just see Marco already, but I laid awake in bed. I’d close my eyes only to remember small moments that made me realize that I loved him after all these years, and it made me restless. Every so often, I’d open my eyes to check my phone to see if Marco had texted me anything and to check the time. It was 10:37 when I last checked my phone before I had finally drifted into sleep...

Marco smiled at me gently, his laugh ringing in my ears like a soft bell. He seemed so close to me, but as I reached my hand out to touch him, it was as if he was getting further away from me. Desperately, I ran after him and called his name to no avail. No sound escaped my open lips as I tried to form words. Panic ensued as I tried to run after him only to feel myself sinking. 

Thomas appeared suddenly, his smile triumphant and cocky as he walked to Marco. I screamed this time and a sound finally came out, my broken cry dying on a confession as I screamed. “I love you, please don’t choose him!”

He turned to look at me, his soft, beautiful smile still plastered on his face until Thomas gently grabbed his chin. Marco tilted his head, his eyes fluttering shut as he leaned in and—

I shot up in my bed, chilled to the bone as sweat dripped from my forehead. I panted loudly, clutching the sheets as I trembled with pure dread. Did I sleep through the whole day? Did Marco go on his date with Thomas? I quickly snatched my phone from my bedside table, fumbling to unlock it as I stared at the date and time. It was Thursday… 3:21 in the morning. I didn’t sleep through the whole day, I was going to meet with Marco in just over seven hours.

Seven hours too much.

I hadn’t really realized it until I had heard the ringing of the dial tone in my ear, but I knew that I was calling Marco. I was crying for the second time, my dream still fresh in my brain as I trembled and awaited Marco’s comforting voice. I was so overwhelmed with everything that had occurred in my dream that I needed to hear him right then, I couldn’t wait to tell him. What if Thomas asked him to be his boyfriend in the morning when he woke up? What if he caught Marco between classes and kissed him before I had the chance to tell him anything? Marco wouldn’t want to cut ties with some guy he was interested in after I confessed. It didn't matter how deep our roots went, he wasn't the type to break a person's heart for his own personal gain.

I needed to tell him right then or I was going to lose him.

“Jean?” His voice was groggy and sleepy, but he didn’t seem annoyed with the fact that I was calling him so late. “Are you crying?”

“Marco I can’t wait, I need to see you.” I choked, holding everything I wanted to say back and instead replacing them with tears. I got up, quickly walking to my closet to grab a shirt and pajama pants.

“Are you okay?”

“No… I just need to see you.” I quickly slipped the shirt on, parting from the phone only to get it over my head and to put my arm through the sleeve. “Please, I’m so fucking sorry I just need to see you.”

A pause, a yawn, and then Marco spoke again. “Okay. I’ll wait for you to get here.”

“I’ll be there in five minutes.” I slipped the pajama pants on and grabbed my keys, almost rushing out the door.

“Drive safe.”

“I will.” I ended the call.

I could have ended it with ‘I love you,’ right there, but I needed to be there in person when I said it to him. God, I would have made it way more special if I had waited in the morning to tell him, but he’d have to deal with me being an emotional wreck, terrified of losing him when I just barely realized I had his heart all along. I was surprisingly calm—save it for the massive tears that continued to leak from my eyes as I reached my car.

Minutes later, I pulled into Marco’s apartment complex, my heart racing in my chest as I gripped the steering wheel with terror. The gravity of the situation was starting to hit me hard, and I gasped for breath as I wondered if everything I was doing in the heat of the moment was a good idea.

What if Thomas spent the night… What if he already asked Marco to be his boyfriend?

I tried not to think about it, but I shook as I reached for the door to let myself out. I stumbled up three flights of stairs until I made it to apartment number B7. I knocked weakly on his door twice and jumped at how quickly it opened before I could rap more.

Marco looked tired, but it didn't stop his brown eyes from sparkling like they always did. His hair was a mess from waking up, pointing in different ways as a product of his sleep. He wore a loose t-shirt and boxers, clearly comfortable with my presence and he smiled weakly at me even though I was the reason he was awake. He seemed so happy that I was there as he opened the door for me to enter. He looked gorgeous as always—Handsome, and kind, and sweet, and adorable, and I didn't want to let him slip through my fingers again. 

"Hi, Jean." He sighed, the hint of his smile sounding in his sweet, smooth voice, comparable to honey. "You gonna tell me what's wrong—"

I immediately stepped through the door and grasped his shirt, catching him a bit off guard as I quickly yanked him in and kissed him.

There was something nostalgic about the way that I pulled him in, and I recalled that the first time we kissed I had yanked him in by his tie. His lips felt the same as before… like home. If Marco wasn't awake before, he was then. I felt him stiffen at first, not really kissing me back and that scared me. Fuck, it was just like the day after graduation. Marco was going to run again, and this time he was going to leave for good. He was going to run straight to Thomas and leave me to rot in my unrequited feelings. After a few seconds, I pulled away, feeling like I had ruined everything between the two of us in a matter of seconds. 

Marco pushed me away, making me feel hurt and empty once again. “Jean, you can’t toy with me like this. My heart can’t take this happening again.”

What the hell? “Again? What the hell do you mean, ‘Again’?”

Marco scoffed, and I stared at him incredulously as he began to get a bit angry. “Come on, you can’t be serious. Do you remember us skipping graduation and your fight with your dad, or were you too drunk to remember any of it?”

“I didn’t drink that much… Of course I remember.” I looked to the floor, muttering my next words in hopes that he wouldn’t hear me. “There’s not a day I don’t think back on it.”

“Is that so?” Marco sounded so angry, and it hurt. I thought that coming and kissing him would fix things. “What do you feel when you think back on it? Because I remember it being one of the happiest nights of my life followed by the worst morning of my life.”

I shook my head. “Funny you say that, because... same.”

Marco blinked. “H-huh? You don’t regret it?”

I shrugged. “Why would I?”

Marco seemed so confused and thrown off. I didn't blame him, I just marched up his steps and knocked on his door only to kiss him like my life depended on it. “I thought you’d see it as a drunken mistake that got you into a fight with your dad for nothing… He said all those terrible things to you, even after you denied that we’d kissed and insisted you weren’t gay…” 

I laughed dryly and rolled my eyes. “Did you even hear me tell him that I loved you? Because after I confessed to him, I tried to go back to my room to see you and you were gone.”

Marco’s jaw dropped and I held back a genuine laugh. He looked like a complete idiot. “I… did not hear that. I left while you were denying everything because I was too scared and upset to hear any more of it.”

I was too upset to even act serious at all, so all my remarks were coming out sarcastic. “Well, Surprise. That was the night I realized I was bisexual.”

“You’re what?” 

Maybe I was a bit too sarcastic. I tried to lighten my voice, giving meaning to my words when I spoke again. “I’m bisexual. Better yet, that’s the night I realized that I’m hopelessly in love with you.”

The gears were finally turning in Marco’s head as I watched him process my words. “Jean… You’re not drunk, are you?”

“You going to jump out of the nearest window and run if I tell you I’m not?” I chuckled this time, speaking a bit more genuine and playful.

Marco seemed to have the same idea. “No, but I might have to tell you that I love you, too. And maybe snag a kiss while I’m at it…”

Things were finally starting to feel a bit better and I untensed a bit, stepping closer to him with a smile. “I love you, Marco…”

Marco smiled one of the most genuine smiles I’d ever seen him wear and he grabbed my shirt making my heart stop for a moment. I could feel the strength in his hand as he pulled me back into his apartment, gently swinging the door shut as he pressed me up against it. Suddenly I became aware of how close he was as he backed me up against it, my stomach twisting in knots. He was so perfect, so soft, and yet so strong. His natural scent clung to his shirt as I breathed it in. It mixed with the faint smell of his usual cologne that he probably wore the day before—sandalwood and vanilla. His scent was nostalgic, like our high school days. Slowly, he leaned in and my eyes fluttered closed as I felt him ghost his lips over mine, our noses brushing up against each other. “And I love you, Jean.”

He cradled my face and swooped in, kissing me this time. Our lips curved around each other so naturally, as if they were made to fit, and I let out a soft hum through my nose as I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling him even closer to me. 

This was it. That first kiss was okay, the second was a bit painful as I relived our first kiss, but the moment Marco kissed me back it was like a puzzle piece sliding into place—like the life I had lived had some sort of meaning for once. I felt like I was on fire. I felt good, right, like I finally found my place in the universe that was made for me. There, in Marco’s arms, kissing him against his door at 3 am, I was finally home, and I never wanted to leave. This stupid love that I’d harbored for years in silence was something more than I realized. Marco was my other half, the love of my life, and the flames that burned inside my chest threatened to turn me to ash as I kissed him. My legs threatened to collapse under me as our bodies moved fluidly against each other, his chest heaving against mine as we tried to breathe through our noses. My fingers ran through his hair, softly groaning against his lips as he pressed harder into me till there was no more space between us.

I don’t think I’d ever felt better, although my heart was threatening to kill me. Marco was pressed against me till I couldn’t feel anything else and it was heavenly as fuck. His hands wandered my body, slipping under my shirt to touch my stomach which caused me to whine with delight. He slid his hand around to the small of my back and pulled me even closer as he kissed me more. I was burning so much I felt like I was melting in his arms. The fire was consuming me, and I didn’t want to get extinguished.

After what felt like only minutes of kissing Marco, we parted and he ghosted his lips over my reddened and abused ones, sending shivers down my spine. We breathed for a moment as we locked eyes, his brown hues staring into me with absolute adoration. I loved having his undivided attention. I wrapped my arms around his neck and he hugged me back, leaning into me so I was pressed against the door again.  

“I drew that heart on your latte this morning, Thomas is a fucking liar.”

He paused. “I thought that heart looked familiar… I was a bit surprised when Thomas told me he drew it.” He laughed, pressing kisses into my neck as he spoke, once again making me exhale happily. “Honestly I was hoping that you did when I asked, but gave up hope again when he admitted to it.”

“I personally want to bash his teeth in.” I sighed wistfully.

Marco snorted and I could almost hear his eyes rolling at my threat. “I wouldn’t resort to violence.”

“I would.” I retorted. “That bitch almost ruined my chance to get you before you forgot about me for good.”

“Sasha showed you our texts this morning, didn’t she?”

I sighed. I didn’t really ask to read those texts, but Sasha insisted, and honestly, I was kind of thankful that she was looking out for me. If it weren’t for her, I probably would have watched Marco and Thomas date each other without interfering, suffering in silence. “If Sasha never showed me that text conversation, I never would have confessed. I didn’t think you liked me…”

He chuckled and pulled away from our hug, only to press his forehead against mine. Our noses brushed up against each other and I could feel Marco’s warm breath against my face as I let my eyes flutter closed. The close contact with my best friend was everything I had ever dreamed it would be and more. “So, you remember the night of what would have been graduation?”

Did I? Jesus Christ, I thought about that week way too often. Connie had made me realize that I was bisexual with one simple question, and I in turn realized that I had wanted more from my friendship with Marco. I had gone on a kind of date with Marco where he had won me my favorite plushie. Fuck, we had gotten drunk together and kissed, and it was one of the best kisses I’d ever experienced… Well, it was one of the best kisses I had. The one I had just shared with Marco minutes before took the cake because we were both stone-cold sober and we were aware of the whole thing. Plus, Marco said he loved me this time.

I nodded at Marco and he continued. “Well… That was one of the hardest weeks of my life. I knew I had feelings for you before then, but I realized I loved you during our last trip to that arcade, and then you kissed me on the roof when we skipped graduation, only to have that ruined by your dad the next morning… I was a mess then, but I’m thankful it led us to where we are now.”

I blushed. “Marco, I…” Marco fucking loved me. Marco had feelings for me. Four long years of pining in agony and Marco loved me. Fuck, Marco and I had spent four years of our lives thinking that we didn’t like each other when we were both smitten by each other. Why was I so stupid? Why didn’t I tell him the day after graduation? I tried to forget about it because now Marco was in my arms and I didn’t have to worry anymore. 

Marco laughed and gave me a sweet, chaste kiss that sent me reeling. “I tried to let you go after all of that, but I couldn’t do it. You’ve always had my heart, Jean, even though I thought I had no chance with you. Apparently, you being straight wasn’t enough to stop me.”

I chuckled nervously, remembering all the times I had told him I was straight. I felt a bit terrible. “Well, I’m not straight. I wasn’t back then, either, but I was too scared to act on it until I moved out. I thought you’d left because you didn’t feel the same way.”

“We should have just talked about it.” Marco’s hand grazed my cheek and I leaned into his hand happily. “I remember seeing your Grindr profile sophomore year and almost asking you about it, but I didn’t think it was my place to say anything. It felt like we’d drifted too far apart for me to bring something like that up.”

Oh god, I had totally forgotten about the Grindr profile I had made. I spent about a month experimenting with other men to see if my bisexuality was just a Marco thing or if I really was interested in men. Turned out, I kinda liked guys… but no one ever compared to Marco and my love for him never seemed to extinguish, no matter how many different lovers I took on. “Thank you… I don’t know how I’d have reacted if you’d said something.”

Marco hummed in reply and we just sat there in each other's arms for a moment, both of us happy to finally be out to each other. It was so nice to finally tell him how I felt.

“What about your date with Thomas?” I asked.

“Well…” He chuckled and gently kissed me again. I swear to god, every time he kissed me I felt like I was floating. “It seems my schedule freed up a little this Friday. Do you want to go on a date with me?”

What? I felt like I could scream with joy, but I held off for a moment as I began to grin wildly. “Please?”

We kissed again. I’m not sure when we stopped.

*****

I didn’t end up going back to my dorm, I actually spent the night at Marco’s place. After a while, Marco had carried my lanky ass to his bedroom (Which honestly caught me off guard, but was really fucking hot), where he threw me into his bed (again, hot). We giggled and both cuddled his stuffed snail.  I was surprised that he still had it, then again I still had my axolotl. After that, Marco spooned me to sleep and I didn’t really have a care in the world after that. Part of me wondered if I just wanted to stay wrapped in his arms forever. I didn’t need to work. I didn’t need to go to classes. I could just stay there asleep and enveloped by my lover till he had to leave me again.

Marco seemed to think otherwise because he woke up to his morning alarms at seven and he quickly got dressed. Content with the plans I had created in my half-asleep state, I voted to stay in my best friend’s bed, whining whenever Marco tried to stir me awake. Sometime in the middle of trying to fall back asleep, I had found Marco’s stuffed snail and I took it into my arms, inhaling my love’s scent as I drifted a bit longer. I wouldn’t have woken up if it weren’t for Marco leaning in to kiss me good morning. 

I could get used to that.

He muttered a soft good morning into my hair and kissed my head as well before heading into the hall and ducking into the bathroom. I barely managed to crawl out of his bed with a groan before borrowing some of his clothing. We had stolen each other's clothes before, it wasn’t new, but I noticed that his clothes were a little bigger than they used to be. He used to be so skinny, but college life had turned him a bit thicker and muscular. I wasn’t complaining though, I thought that Marco was gorgeous, freckled curves and all.

I settled for an oversized hoodie that smelled like him, and a pair of jeans that I apparently had left behind months before at some long-forgotten sleepover.

When I emerged from Marco’s bedroom, he had two coffee cups set on the kitchen counter, along with a pot of coffee prepared which I happily partook of. Normally I enjoyed a good, sweet coffee, but it was quicker to just drink it black rather than do stuff to it when you made it from home. Before I could down the whole cup in one continuous sip, Marco appeared for a second and smiled, placing yet another peck onto my head.

I set the cup down and spun around, wrapping my arms around his neck again so I could pull him in for a gentle kiss and a hug. His strong arms snaked around my waist, holding me firmly against the counter as he leaned into me. God, Marco’s weight on me when he pressed against me was still something I would need to get used to because every time he got that close I felt butterflies as my heart rapidly thumped in my chest. I physically willed myself not to kiss him like I had the night before. If we got too heated Marco would miss his exams, and I wasn’t so sure if he was willing to miss any of them just to be with me.

“Wanna still see me around eleven?” I asked, rubbing my thumb against his neck over a few visible freckles.

He thought for a moment. “I mean, you promised me a cranberry orange muffin, and I can’t really refuse that.” He grinned and chuckled.

With a soft mutual chuckle, we both leaned in and chastely kissed each other. Our chatter was short and sweet as Marco prepared his own cup of coffee and quickly downed it. Once we both had our fill of caffeine, he led me to the front door and opened it, letting me leave first.

We parted with one last kiss, whispering softly ‘I love you’s’ before I left for my car and Marco left for his.

Eleven o’clock couldn’t come soon enough.

*****

Thursday we spent all day texting back and forth, Marco had snuck his phone out a few times during the exam to text me, and I made sure to tease him about it by sending texts about him prioritizing me over his degree. He replied to that with a cheesy text, telling me that I was his future and that he could always pay to retake a test.

Okay, that was kinda cute... 

Other than that, our texts didn’t seem much different from what we talked about before, but honestly, it made me happy. The fact that we were still able to be the same friends even though we were out to each other made me a bit more giddy than usual.

Work went by quickly. Both Connie and Thomas were there again, and I had to physically hold myself back from pulling that liar aside to beat him to a pulp. Connie noticed my behavior and raised an eyebrow in concern at me during the morning rush. I realized I hadn’t told him anything, but I didn’t want to bring it up when Thomas was in earshot. Instead of saying anything out loud, I wrote a note on one of the order tickets and put it into his hand, like some sort of weird note-passing elementary school thing.

We kissed again.

Connie gave me a glance with a shit-eating grin before crumpling up the paper and tossing it in the garbage. Neither of us spoke till the end of my shift when I made Marco his latte and grabbed him a muffin. I think that Thomas noticed because he spoke up before I managed to leave.

“You going to see Marco?” His voice sounded as if he was trying to make himself seem tough, but it came out more nervous and guilty sounding than anything.

I tensed, closing my eyes as I thought over and over again that I would not be getting arrested today, because if I went to jail for beating a person half to death, I wouldn’t be able to see Marco.  So, instead, I glanced back with my usual scowl and rolled my eyes. “And if I am? He’s my best friend. I’m entitled to hang out with him.”

He paused, but I wasn’t looking in his direction. If I made eye contact with him, I wouldn’t be able to hold myself back from wrapping my hands around his jugular. “Y’know, I have a date with him this Friday.”

“You know, I drew that heart on his cup yesterday.” I hissed out as I put the muffin into a paper bag. I had to leave before I did something stupid. I took a deep breath. “Proper thank you would be nice, but we all know how much of a liar you are. Wouldn’t mean much at this point.”

He gave a curt chuckle, sounding a bit more confident as I walked towards the door. “Should have told him while you could. Thanks for the hot date, Jean.”

A knowing grin spread across my face as I realized that Marco would be canceling his date soon because he was going to go on one with me instead. “Don’t mention it, asshole.”

*****

Marco had finished his coffee and muffin in record time. Instead of savoring any of it, he had shoved it down unattractively so he could cuddle up against me in the back seat of my car. It was easier to hang out on campus because we could get to classes faster. It gave us a bit more time together before our inevitable parting… But it wouldn’t be forever. I’d probably stay the night again at Marco’s apartment, and we’d get to hang out before we cuddled each other to sleep again. I wanted to spend all my free time with him again. I missed being glued to his side like we used to be.

I had already started filing paperwork to move out of my dorm.

“Why haven’t you canceled your date yet?” I asked. I didn’t ask with any malice or concern. I knew that Marco wasn’t going to leave or try to go on a date with Thomas, things would be fine. 

I was sitting with my back against the door with my legs draped across the back seat while Marco had spread himself out, laying down so he could rest his back against me. Our hands were intertwined as gently hugged him against me. I could hardly believe that he was here, that his body was squeezed against mine, that we were breathing the same air as we relaxed into each other. I had daydreamed about moments like these for months on end, and the fact that it was happening made me wonder if the past eight hours had even happened. Was this all a pipe dream?

It felt too real to be a dream. Dreams didn’t feel this good . I’d know… I had my fair share of dreams about Marco.

...anyways. Moving on.

Marco had leaned his head on my shoulder, looking up at me with a mischievous glimmer in his eye. He pressed his lips together for a moment in thought, but it quickly turned into a grin as he spoke. “I have a terrible idea.”

I blinked at him with confusion, but interest bubbled inside of me as the gears started turning in my head. What the hell was Marco planning? “Terrible idea?”

He nodded, pursing his lips again in thought while holding back his grin. Jesus he was cute… “Well… What if I still went on that date with Thomas?”.

“Why the fuck would you do that?”

I think he was waiting for me to ask that question because he turned around so he could face me, scooting his body into a sitting position. “Okay.” He said as he moved closer to me again, leaning himself against me again. His weight on my chest felt nice as I felt a little bit of anxiety pang there. I knew that Marco wasn’t planning to leave me, but I still had that lingering fear inside of me as I waited for him to explain himself. “Okay, so… I was thinking about how Thomas is a lying jerk, and how he almost ruined our chances of getting together… What if I didn’t cancel our date and went on it anyway to mess with him?”

Most people would be concerned. Most people would say that going through with something like that would be a terrible idea… But something about the way that Marco wanted to mess with Thomas because he had almost ruined things between us was kind of sexy and hot. I liked thinking that he wanted to stand up for what we had now and show Thomas how shitty of a person he was through a shitty first date. Marco didn’t get mad or upset at anyone very often, and the fact that he wanted to bully some guy who almost ruined my chances with him was so attractive to me… why?

“I didn’t know you had an evil side…” I teased, kissing the top of his head as I tried to tone back my thoughts. Now was not the time to let my mind wander.

“I can be mean when I want to be.” He retorted in a smooth low voice. Fuck… oh, Jesus.

“What’s the plan?” My voice cracked a little bit and I winced at the sound. I hope he didn’t notice.

I swear his grin got wider and more mischievous. Marco was going to destroy me… “So here’s what I was thinking,”

*****

After he laid out his idea—and I tried not to show how much it drove me crazy—we spent a bit perfecting our evil scheme, Marco doing most of the work. He had really thought about this, I could tell. I was a bit shocked at how angry he was about the whole situation, but it made me feel a bit special. He was doing all this because Thomas had almost ruined our chances of being together after we both had been mutually pining for four years.

It was kind of hot.

We had spent the night together again that Thursday, tangled in each other’s arms as we held each other in our sleep. There was no way I was going to let Marco sleep alone again after he admitted that he loved me, and he seemed to agree wholeheartedly with me. God, I was so happy that things were slowly clicking into place. Things that we normally did became a bit more intimate. Anytime we sat next to each other, our hands would lace together. Every text conversation we had always ended with an ‘I love you,’ and everytime one of us needed to go, we parted with gentle kisses. It was everything I had ever dreamed of and more, and the lightness I felt in his presence was refreshing compared to the constant fear I used to harbor.

The only thing I needed at that point was confirmation that he was my boyfriend, but I was too scared to even ask. I was enjoying what we had going, and I was a bit scared of bringing it up in fear of Marco thinking I was a bit too hasty. Admitting that I loved him was already pushing it a little bit, even if Sasha had confirmed that he was in love with me through text. It was a good thing that Marco already did love me back, I wasn’t sure how long I’d be able to hold back telling him that I loved him. 

That Friday morning, I went to work and physically held myself back from tearing into Thomas as he continued to brag about his date with Marco, clearly trying to get me to react. He kept acting like he was some sort of prize to be earned and it made me a bit weary. I didn’t want to watch Thomas leer over the love of my life like a piece of meat when Marco was worth so much more than a quick lay.

Marco was just really nice… he seemed like a pushover sometimes. I wasn’t sure why he was so confident that he’d make their date so terrible, but I trusted that he knew what he was doing. 

Marco had texted me screenshots of their date plans, so I knew what to wear and when to pick him up and drop him off. Thomas had picked a really expensive seafood restaurant, which I already knew was a bad idea. I had learned early into our friendship that Marco was allergic to shellfish. After that, I learned to avoid it so that I didn’t end up hurting Marco. His allergy was mild, and he made a big deal trying to let me know that it was alright and that I didn’t need to do anything, it didn’t stop me from trying to protect him.

Thomas didn’t really say much to him, only that he wanted Marco to meet him there. I thought that was kinda rude. If I was the one asking Marco on a date, I would have brought him flowers and picked him up at his doorstep. I’d be the biggest fucking gentleman that he’d ever seen and I’d sweep that idiot off his feet because that’s what he deserved. Marco was perfect and was worthy of to be treated as such, and so far Thomas was hardly offering anything worthwhile.

I didn't want to stand out, so my outfit consisted of a dark green button-down shirt with nicer black jeans, my shirt was tucked into my pants which was secured by a leather belt. I wasn't much of a tie person, so I unbuttoned the top button and looked at myself in the mirror.

I’ll be honest, I looked attractive, and it was a shame that I was going to wear a ratty-looking brown wig. Connie had lent it to me when I asked him for advice. Maybe it was a bad idea to ask him, but he was right about the fact that one, my two-toned hair would give me away in an instant, and two I couldn’t wear a hat in a fancy restaurant. Thus, Connie’s plan to wear a wig was probably a good idea. 

I put the horrid thing on and looked once again in the mirror. God, I looked like Eren Jaeger—my high school rival. Thank God we went to different colleges. He had gotten a full-ride scholarship to play on Maria University’s basketball team. Good riddance, honestly.

I quickly brushed it out, hoping that I could fix how terrible it looked, but I could hardly change the style. It looked terrible, but from far away I was sure that no one would notice. If someone stared at me hard enough, they’d be sure to know it was a wig. As long as Thomas didn’t see me, everything would be fine… Everything was going to be fine.

Once I finished getting ready I headed over to Marco’s place, my nerves immediately melting away at the sight of Marco’s outfit. He looked cute as always, but he wasn’t dressed in fancy restaurant attire. He had on a cat t-shirt and ripped black jeans. I grinned as I looked him up and down. Thomas was in for a surprise.  “Are you ready?”

Marco laughed and climbed into the passenger seat. “I sure am.”

I gave him one last look, soaking in the smile that spread across his beautiful face before turning up the radio and driving away. After one short five-minute drive where the two of us kept smiling at each other like we were playing some sort of prank, we made it to the restaurant and parked in a discreet spot. If Thomas saw my car, I was sure he’d recognize it, so I parked a little far away from the entrance to ensure that either of us weren’t spotted together. When we were stopped, I glanced over at Marco who was still grinning wildly, and matched his smile as I watched him. Marco noticed me looking after a moment and leaned in, kissing me quickly on the lips. By god I was reeling when he pulled away, my cheeks flushing slightly with embarrassment.

“I’ll head in first?” I asked wearily, trying to confirm our plans.

Marco nodded and with that, we both got out of the car, locking it behind me. My heart pounded as I walked inside, nervous that I’d fuck everything up.

“How many in your party?” A waitress asked as I walked in.

“Two. But my date isn't here yet…” I replied. Marco and I had decided on me asking for a table for two so I seemed a little less suspicious while watching them. If anyone asked, I could tell them that I was waiting for my date to show up, and if I decided to leave after Marco and Thomas’s date, people wouldn’t question it. They would all just assume that I was stood up. Marco was smart, I wouldn’t have thought of that.

As I was led to my table, I sat down and scanned the area. It seemed that Thomas hadn’t shown his face yet. After a few minutes after 7 pm, Marco walked into the entry area, waiting for Thomas to appear. I couldn’t help but smirk at how out of place he looked in his stupid cat t-shirt and ripped jeans when everyone else was wearing nicer, high-end clothing. I didn’t care though, Marco was still the most beautiful man in the whole restaurant. I wondered if Thomas would appreciate how he did look regardless of how underdressed he was.

I checked my phone after seeing Marco glance at his. It was 7:03. Thomas had promised Marco that he’d be there at seven. Thomas was just getting worse and worse... After a few waitresses came to ask Marco if he wanted to be seated, my waiter tried to get me to order something only for me to refuse because I was waiting for my nonexistent date. After several shared looks between the two of us between checking our phones, Thomas strolled in twenty minutes later.

The two of them shared a short exchange where Marco looked a bit annoyed. They were too far away to hear, so I turned my head and sipped on the water that a waiter had given me, hoping that Thomas wouldn’t notice me.

Thankfully, they were seated at a table near mine in perfect view of me. Marco made sure to sit down so he was facing me, which put Thomas's back towards me. Somehow, that made this entire stakeout more intimate. Our eyes met for a moment as they settled and I could see that familiar sly look in his eyes for a moment before he went back to his slightly annoyed demeanor at the sound of Thomas’s voice.

“Nervous?”

It was a good thing that the asshole had a loud voice because I could hear him fairly well for being a couple of tables away. I scoffed at his question and rolled my eyes. Marco, nervous? He had set up quite the evil plan and it was already working so seamlessly. He had nothing to fear. Marco answered by shaking his head, the tone of his voice void of emotion. “Not at all.”

I saw Thomas lean his body closer to Marco, his hand reaching out across the table. “It’s okay if you are, Marco, I won’t judge you.”

I froze for a minute, my chest tightening at the thought of my best friend reaching out to actually touch his hand. It was normal for people to hold hands on the first date, so how would he get away with telling him no? To answer my question, he looked into his eyes with a coldness that I had never seen reflected in them before and gave a smile that was filled with so much uninterest, his lip twitching a little bit in annoyance. “I’m really not, but thanks.”

My heart fluttered in my chest as I stared at him in shock, frozen as I blinked in surprise. I couldn’t believe how cold he had become. Marco had a dark side that I had never seen before, and I was starting to realize that maybe he knew exactly what he was doing. It scared me a little… but what scared me more was that I kind of liked it. I wanted to see more of Marco’s mean side.

His eyes met mine for a moment and it was as if he was speaking to me, trying to hold back a triumphant smile. He was good at what he was doing, and he knew it.

And it was so fucking sexy, I could barely stand it.

Thomas was looking over a menu when he spoke again. “I’ve heard the shrimp here is really good, mind if I treat you to that?” 

This guy really didn’t know anything about Marco and it was starting to show. It was like he was walking into all of Marco’s traps. He was clumsy like he had memorized a script for all his first date hookups and it wasn't working for once. I was in awe at how easily Marco could trap him in his bullshit and call him out.

“I’m allergic to shellfish, but the roasted chicken sounds fine.”

“Why didn’t you tell me that? We could have gone somewhere else…” Thomas was starting to sound annoyed and I couldn’t help but grin like an idiot at how things were going for him. After reading the texts between Marco and Sasha, I was sure that he was done dealing with guys who just treated him like another hookup. Part of me felt a bit more at ease knowing that even if I hadn't taken action when I did, this date would have ended terribly, but at the same time, it made me fear what would have happened if I never went to his apartment at 3 am the day before. 

Marco shrugged his shoulders. “It wasn’t worth it to change plans.”

The liar just nodded his head at Marco and I snickered at how uncomfortable he looked. This was so great, I knew things would go terribly, but seeing Thomas squirm and sweat made coming to watch all worth it. He deserved every minute of all this uncomfortable energy. They were both silent for a bit as my waiter came by to check on me once again. 

“No date still?” He filled my water with a pitcher that he had been carrying and handed the glass back to me.

I gave a sort of melancholy nod and smiled weakly. “She’ll be here… she has to. She promised.”

The waiter only gave me a soft nod, a guilty look plastered over his face as he spoke. "Would you like to order anything before she shows up?"

I shook my head. "I'll be okay… she'll show up soon, I know it."

“I hope she does.” He attempted to comfort me, and I gave another silent nod before he left. 

A few seconds later, Thomas spoke again and my attention once again shifted to the drama unfolding before me. I looked down at the menu again for what felt like the thousandth time, listening intently. “Do you want to split a bottle of wine?”

Marco shook his head and made eye contact with me, trying to seem a bit distant when he spoke to Thomas. “I don’t drink after an, ah, incident with Jean in high school, but I don’t mind if you’d like to.” 

I smirked and tried to hold back a short chuckle. I had already known his answer to that question before he had answered to Thomas. Marco wasn’t much of a drinker unless he was with someone he trusted. Like me, not this piece of shit who was acting like he was interested in him. Neither of us ever got out of hand whenever we did drink together too… Well, maybe the first time we drank together we did, but that was because it was high school graduation and we were drinking alcohol for the first time, and our choice was straight-up whiskey that I had stolen from my dad’s stash… We made out for hours that night, and I honestly thought we would have ended up together if it weren’t for my homophobic father breaking into my room the next day.

I heard Thomas sigh, which only made me grin more. “I might. I’m curious, what was this ‘incident’ with Jean?”

Marco grimaced at the question and I joined him, remembering how terribly the morning went. I vividly remembered the bottle of Jack Daniels hitting the back of my head as I tried to protect Marco, only to hurt him in the end by saying all the wrong things. “If I wanted to talk about it, I’d have said more…”

“Fair enough. Who cares about the past when we can focus on the present?”

"Well, if I can ask a little about the past,  how long have you liked me?" I immediately looked up, glaring at Thomas to gauge his reaction to the question. "What was it that made you realize how you felt?"

Marco looked genuinely curious as he smiled at his shitty date, but the whole reason he asked was because I had told him to. I just wanted to know if there was something there or if he only wanted Marco for his own sexual desires.

“I… I realized I liked you a few weeks ago. You coming into the shop always brightened the place up, and… you’re just gorgeous.” His voice sounded confident even though it was obvious that he was spouting out bullshit. I balled my hands into fists as I tilted my head down at the menu again.

“I feel like I never see you making orders. Aren’t you usually working in the back?”

“Yes, but I peek out whenever you come in. Jean gives it away. He gets so… defensive, when you’re there.” 

Something about the way he said my name like I was a thorn in his side made me tense. I clenched my teeth and my hands trembled, knuckles white from how hard I had balled them. Of course, I was defensive around Marco. Anyone who tried to insert themselves into his life while simultaneously cutting me out of it made me angry. Maybe I was possessive, or maybe I was just an asshole, but I was there first. Marco was my best friend, and it wasn't Thomas's choice to write me out of his life. Plus, he clearly didn't like Marco. He was just like every other guy that Marco had dated in college—selfish and disgusting.

“Well, I did save his life when he almost fell off the roof after… nevermind, it’s not important.” Marco quickly shook his head, trailing off, only to make eye contact with me again. He looked like he was trying to be distant to Thomas, but the look in his eyes was all but distant.

“Wh-what?” Thomas and I were both on the same page at this point. I didn’t remember almost falling off the roof only for Marco to catch me before I fell. While we still had eye contact, I quickly mouthed. ‘Did that really happen?’

Marco nodded at me, which only seemed to confuse Thomas a bit. He looked like he was going to press further, but the waiter came to their table, interrupting anything that he was about to ask.

“Can I get you anything to drink?” The waiter seemed happy and chipper, unaware of the trainwreck that was about to unfold before him.

“Water for both of us.”

Marco not only looked frustrated but also sounded annoyed at the way that Thomas thought he could speak for him. “Actually, I would like Dr. Pepper, please.” His eyes were filled with fire for a moment and it caught me off guard yet again, making me blush a little into my menu. Marco’s bad side was so hot. I was both terrified and turned on.

This was the wrong place to be letting my thoughts wander, but I was so used to letting them wander freely that I couldn’t stop certain images from popping into my brain—Marco looking at me with disdain as he took what he wanted from me, Marco demanding things from me in the same condescending tone he was using on Thomas, Marco fighting and manhandling me while we—

I quickly took the large napkin that the silverware was wrapped in and draped it over my lower region, feeling my face grow warmer as I tried to think of anything else. Anything. If I wasn’t the one driving us home, I would have ordered myself a mixed drink to help ease all the heat that Marco was making me feel another table away.

Marco’s voice caught my attention, my brain locking on his beautiful smooth voice as I continued to hide behind the menu. “So, aside from being gorgeous, is there anything else about me you like?”

Thomas paused. “It’s hard to explain. I just feel drawn to you, like there’s something that’s meant to be here.”

What a fake son of a bitch… What the hell was that bullshit? For once in my life, I was grateful that Thomas spoke, because any heated thoughts I was having about Marco were immediately switched to disgust and anger towards Thomas existing. I resisted the urge to make myself known at that point over the stupid shit that just came out of his mouth. My time would come, I just needed to wait.

“I see.” Marco said.

I smiled, knowing Marco was probably thinking the same thing I was.

The waiter came back again and I was able to finally put my menu down. He seemed a bit tense like he could finally notice how things were going. I didn’t envy him. I felt kind of bad for him. I had intended to tip him really well for dealing with all of this, but part of me wondered if it would be enough. I didn’t think that Thomas was going to, he seemed like the kind of person that wouldn’t. “Are you ready to order, or do you need a few more minutes?”

“We’re ready,” And Marco smiled at him so brightly I could have gone blind. That waiter had better felt damn lucky to receive such a positive response from him because that was the shit that made me melt. He was so radiant, gorgeous, pretty... 

“I’ll have the salmon special, and he’ll have the roasted chicken.” Thomas once again ordered for Marco and I watched that smile immediately disappear, a flash of anger replacing it as his lips twitched into a frown. We made eye contact, and my heart broke a bit. I was happy that this wasn’t a real date. If Marco had to deal with this alone, I don’t know what I would have done. Invited him over to vent? I don’t know… I was just glad at how things played out in the end. Marco wouldn’t have to suffer through this date much longer, and I would spoil him for going through with it. He deserved it. Marco deserved to be treated like a king.

The waiter came over to my table after he talked to them to check on me again, and I decided to order their albacore ceviche from their appetizer menu to hold me over and seem less suspicious.

After that, they started talking about plans for winter break. I already knew Marco’s. His family liked to get together during Christmas, so of course, he’d be spending it with his loved ones. I would go visit my lonely mother since she had an empty house to herself after my dad left. Family was important to both of us, but clearly not to Thomas. He brushed off Marco’s plans and started to brag about going on a ski trip and avoiding his family, while simultaneously making them pay for the whole thing.

Wow, Thomas couldn’t get any worse at that point.

The waiter came with my food after that, smiling at me as he set it down. Yeah… I was definitely gonna tip the waiter way too much. I started to slowly eat as I continued to eavesdrop on them.

“The food is taking forever,” Thomas’s whiny voice sounded like nails on a chalkboard, making me cringe at how stupid he sounded.

“It hasn’t been that long. I’m holding out just fine.” I glanced over at Marco, noticing how done he already looked. We had talked about sticking through to the end of the date, but I could tell that this was draining him. He wanted it to end soon.

“I’m starving over here.”

I would have rolled my eyes, but Marco’s voice cut through the silence like a knife. His voice was hardened in a low tone, almost demanding. “You can wait,”

I had chosen the wrong time to eat because I was choking on albacore when I heard him speak. Thomas might have made my thoughts go away for a moment, but I was thrust right back into them by Marco’s dominant tone. I might have been better at censoring my thoughts if I knew it wasn’t a possibility, but after everything that had happened in the past few days, I was almost positive it was. I imagined him saying those words to me instead—Marco pinning me down, not letting me do anything, and making me wait…

Our eyes met and I stared at him with urgency, wanting this date to end already. He was driving me insane. After four years of unneeded pining and longing, I just wanted to get my hands on him—whisk him away from Thomas and offer myself to him. He could tell, I knew it when I saw a sly smile form on his face along with a slight shiver. Marco looked so pleased with himself, that jerk… He knew better than anyone else that I was pent up, and everything he did was driving me over the edge. I wondered if he knew I was semi-hard just from listening to his goddamn voice while sharing heated looks from across the room.

I wasn’t going to last an entire date one booth away from him.

“Excuse me, I’ll be right back.” Marco must have read the look we shared correctly because he stood up and glanced at me with desire burning in his eyes, inviting me to follow. I watched him duck into the restroom and blushed a little bit, burying my face into my hands for a moment to compose myself. I felt so weak, but I waited for a minute before getting up as well, stumbling as I practically ran towards the bathroom.

In my desperate attempt to make it there as quickly and unsuspiciously as possible, I tripped over a set of slightly raised floorboards, falling onto my face and sending my brown wig flying. I quickly snatched it, shoving it over my head in hopes that no one saw, only to feel immediate terror as I made eye contact with the waiter that was waiting our two tables. 

He blinked, then turned away, as if acting like he didn’t see anything. Before I could question his decision to ignore me, I quickly ran into the bathroom, hoping I never had to see him again.

I knew what was coming, but I was still surprised at how quickly—and roughly—I was pulled into the room by my chin. His hand gripped my face tight, making me open my mouth to sigh, and Marco took this opportunity to press his thumb against my tongue before pulling me into his needy lips. I stifled a soft whine and kissed back with just as much desperation, wanting to sate the fire that Marco had ignited in my chest. I wanted more, but this once again was the wrong place to be doing this. Anyone could walk in and find us and I honestly wasn’t a big fan of people walking in on me with my pants down.

Speaking of having my pants down, Marco was pressed up hard against me, giving me a little bit of relief from the halfie I was sporting. There was no way he couldn’t feel it as we rubbed against each other, heat building in my chest as I felt it slowly getting harder and harder—

I swooned as we pulled away, trying to breathe as I spoke up finally. “You need to tone it down, I’m dying over there,” 

Marco suddenly batted his eyelashes, looking down at me with sparking, innocent eyes. Jesus Christ, that did not help the raging fire inside me.  “What are you talking about?”

“You know exactly what.” I glared at him, trying to seem a bit stern, but it came off a bit more desperate than what I had wanted. 

“Oh, that’s nothing, Jean. I can be so much worse…” Marco was clearly trying to get me to react, the way he was looking and speaking to me in such a teasing way was driving me insane. All his attention on me now was exhilarating, I almost didn’t even care where we were at that moment. I kissed Marco again, pouring four years of longing and pining into my kiss by pushing him up against the wall this time. He bit my lower lip and pulled me in, earning a soft sigh from me as he released me. I pressed our bodies together, putting all my weight into him as I deepened our kiss. My hands rested on his hips, keeping him in place as I felt his arms wrap around my neck.

Just as I was about to move my knee between his legs, I heard the door open.

I quickly jumped away from Marco, wiping my mouth as if it would help make them look less reddened from all the sucking and biting. Only then did I realize that—once again—it was the waiter who was waiting both of our tables. We sat there for a moment in awkward silence, my heart pounding with anxiety as I glared at the waiter, who shared a similar look of surprise that he wore minutes before. I glanced over at Marco who definitely seemed to be enjoying himself a bit too much. Did he like being caught? That man was into some weird shit… I liked it.

The waiter looked like he was about to retreat, and I attempted to say something to make him stop. “I, we… he had… uh…” I wasn’t sure what the hell to say to defend myself. After he saw me lose my ugly wig and then walked in on Marco and I kissing—thankfully just kissing—I wasn’t sure how I could. I just hoped that this date would end soon so I could take Marco home and ravish him without being interrupted by waiters and assholes named Thomas. Instead, I quickly fished a 50 dollar bill out from my wallet and thrust it in his direction. I was gonna tip him with it for dealing with us for the night anyways. “Just… don’t ask?”

The waiter grabbed the bill and eyed us both for a moment before turning to leave. “I don’t want to know.”

Once he left I glanced at Marco, blushing with embarrassment as I turned to quickly fix my wig in the mirror, then left to go back to my table. Thomas had turned to look in my direction when I walked back and I looked down at the floor, hoping he wouldn’t notice me. He seemed to be looking past me though, so I figured he didn’t get a good enough look at me. I noticed that their food had already arrived, and Thomas hadn’t even touched his yet. 

When I sat down, I went back to shoveling the ceviche into my mouth, still embarrassed at how I had been caught. I was scared of seeing that waiter again, but I knew it was inevitable. Thomas was tapping his finger on the table and bouncing his leg with impatience. I watched him look behind himself a few more times, each time looking more and more disappointed. I ducked my head each time he did so, and I noticed him glance at me once, narrowing his eyes as if he was trying to figure out who I was, only to turn his head away again after a while.

Marco came back a few minutes later and sat down and I couldn’t help but stare at him. He wasn’t looking at me though, his focus was right back on Thomas. He smiled. “Has the food been out long?” 

“Not too long,” Thomas sounded a little angry.

I finished my food quickly. I really liked Albacore, so I enjoyed it. Too bad I was never going to come back here again after suffering from so much embarrassment. The waiter came by to fill my water and shoot me a knowing glance. I didn’t expect him to say anything, but as he set my glass down he leaned in a little to whisper to me. “That guy he’s with seems terrible. I’m glad you two met.”

I wanted to laugh, but his gesture was kind. “He’s amazing and he deserves the world.” He didn’t know all the context, but it was kind of nice to know that even the waiter thought that Marco and I were compatible. I fished out my card to hand it to him, a smile on my face. “Keep the fifty. I was going to tip you that in the first place.” 

After he returned with my card, he winked at me, leaving me to watch Marco once again.

“Do you need a ride home?” Thomas asked.

Marco didn’t seem to flinch when he spoke next. “No thank you, my boyfriend will take me.”

I blinked and laughed from the next booth over, shocked at how Marco had revealed that. Four years ago I was ready to accept my feelings and date Marco, but things didn’t work out. We both made mistakes, but it was probably for the best in the end. Now, we had each other. We hadn’t even talked about dating yet… the fact that he considered me his boyfriend made my heart leap in my chest excitedly. After four years of waiting, and Marco was finally mine.

“W-what?” Thomas was shocked, and so was I, but I stood up from my table and walked over to the two of them. I ripped the ugly wig from my head and without looking at Thomas, I offered a hand to Marco which he happily accepted. 

He stood up, gazing into my eyes lovingly as I smiled and squeezed his hand. It was then that I turned my attention to Thomas, smirking as I watched him stare at me in horror. “Hey, how was that hot date of yours?”

I may or may not have rehearsed that hours prior.

Thomas looked like he wanted to say something, but he opted for silence, a little bit of guilt showing in his eyes. He deserved this… This is what he got for lying so easily to Marco and treating him like an object. Marco tugged me in quickly and kissed me chastely on the lips to further confirm everything to Thomas, and then with our hands intertwined we ran out of the restaurant. I made eye contact with the waiter before we escaped, and he nodded at me with a look of approval.

Maybe I would come back to that place…

Marco was practically dragging me back to my car because all that had gone down in the past minute felt like a pipe dream. I had daydreamed about being his for way too long, and the day had finally come. I never thought it would, so part of me wasn’t entirely sure if it was real. “So… am I your boyfriend?”

Marco laughed, the sound making my heart flutter as he pulled me in for a hug, his strong arms cradling me in a way that no one else could. Marco’s hugs were always perfect. “If you want to be, then yes.”

“I do, more than anything,” I sputtered out. After a second, I realized how desperate I might have sounded by saying that and I felt myself blush. I couldn’t help it, I had waited to be his for years. After trying things out with so many other people, I was convinced that I’d never find anyone quite like him, and I was content with becoming a bachelor due to the fact that I couldn’t find anyone who even compared to Marco. He seemed to like my answer though as he smiled warmly at me and pulled me into a tighter hug.

I noticed Marco shiver a little bit and eye my jacket as we walked to my car and immediately stopped. I felt fine, so there was no way in hell I was going to let my boyfriend be cold. I didn’t care if we weren’t that far from my car, I shrugged it off and draped it over his shoulders. Marco looked like he was about to argue with me, but I waved my hand at him, dismissing any of his protests.

I had wanted to do something like that for four years, I wasn’t going to let him take away my moment.

“Your place or mine?” I smiled gently at him as I looked at him in my jacket. He had paused, as if dazed by me giving it to him, a smile plastered on his face. That goddamn smile was gorgeous and it made me proud that I was the reason he wore it.

Marco snapped out of his daze and ran over to my side again. “Mine, it’s closer.”

“Awesome. I’m thinking about picking up some chicken strips and fries on the way home. If you want anything, it’s my treat.” I never intended to eat anything at that restaurant, but even with the limited food I was given, I was still starving. Shitty chicken strips sounded really great at that moment. I unlocked the car and climbed inside.

Marco sat down in the passenger seat of my car before responding. “That sounds amazing. Fancy restaurants never serve enough food.” 

I started the car and set my hand down only to feel Marco’s fingers lace between mine. I couldn’t help but grin, a silent, excited laugh making me shake with happiness. I don’t think I’d ever been more cheerful, driving home with my best friend—now boyfriend—hand in hand as we sat there in silence. After four long years of thinking that I had ruined everything and lost my only chance, I finally had everything I had ever wanted, and I never intended to let go.