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For what felt like the hundredth time in a hundred days, Marco woke up to his alarm with Jean on his mind, his face pressed into the stuffed snail Jean had won for him years ago. His dreams were doing nothing to help him stop the resurgence of his crush on his very straight best friend. Four years since he’d supposedly accepted that nothing could ever be between them, and he still thought about Jean more than any other person he’d actually been romantically involved with. Groaning, Marco reached over the snail to grab his phone and vent to Sasha.
Marco
I HATE BEING GAY
Sasha
????
Sasha
What? Why?
That was… far from the truth, and Marco acknowledged that as he reread what he’d sent. Marco had never struggled with his identity in the sense of it changing how he’d seen himself, but being gay did come with its own challenges. That, or he just couldn’t figure out how to be gay successfully.
Marco
Dating is so hard.
Sasha
Dating is rough when you're straight too??
Marco glared at his phone. Sasha was usually pretty good about letting Marco rant and opening the door for him to talk it out, but she seemed to think this was a more playful conversation than it was. Sighing, Marco took the time to think through a more substantial message in hopes that Sasha would get the hint.
Marco
I dunno. Do YOU only match with men looking for just a hookup with a cute guy? I DON’T WANT ANYMORE DICK PICS, I JUST WANT SOMETHING REAL.
Sasha
Well, I think your first problem is that you’re matching with people on Grindr.
Sasha was in the mood to give advice. Not what Marco wanted, but what he was gonna get. Resigning himself to starting the day with Sasha’s unfortunately correct opinions and fitting advice, Marco allowed himself a grumpy response to her. They’d had this conversation before and Marco wasn’t in the mood to have it again.
Marco
Shut up… It’s possible. I’ve heard of it happening before.
Sasha
Honey, I don’t think that’s how it works…
Marco
I WISH IT WAS. HOW AM I GOING TO GET OVER MY STUPID CRUSH IF I DON’T?
As soon as he hit send, Marco knew he’d made a mistake.
He’d told Sasha plenty of times that he was in the market for a boyfriend, but withheld that he was still trying to move on from Jean. He wasn’t sure what she’d do with that information and was frankly too scared to see. Waiting a long moment after his phone buzzed, Marco read Sasha’s text and tried to steer the conversation in his favor.
Sasha
Marco, you and Jean really need to talk...
Marco
We talk all the time?
Sasha
Not the way you need to :)
Marco
… What is that supposed to mean? We’re best friends, we talk about everything.
Sasha
<3
Marco froze, acutely aware of how much of a schemer Sasha could be. She was up to something, and Marco didn’t need to know what it was to know he was worried about it. Being reminded of her awareness of his feelings for Jean on top of her witnessing his outburst of longing left Marco with a sinking suspicion she was getting tired of him dancing around his love for his best friend and was on the verge of intervening.
Marco
Sasha, what are you planning?
Sasha
:)
Marco
SASHA
Sasha
Meet me at The Daily Bean in 20 minutes. Don’t be late or I’ll tell Jean you love him!
Marco
Don’t you dare.
Marco’s phone buzzed almost immediately. Taking a deep breath, Marco looked at the screen.
Sasha
lol
She had to be kidding. Marco grit his teeth and tapped harder on his phone, shaking his head before pressing it harder into his pillows with an aggravated groan. He loved Sasha, he did, but she could be so much when she wanted to be. After what just happened, Marco wasn’t sure he could look Jean in the eyes. Marco decided on making a feeble attempt at dissuading Sasha, knowing it would fail.
Marco
I promise I’ll tell him soon, but you’re way closer and I don’t have a chance of getting there first.
Sasha
You might beat me there if you run <3
As he expected, his attempt to change Sasha’s mind failed. Accepting that he was on his way to a painfully awkward morning, Marco dragged himself out of bed. He didn’t bother picking out anything special to wear or spending any extra time cleaning himself up. Marco told himself it was just to get to campus faster, but he knew deep down that not investing extra effort meant he wouldn’t be disappointed when, inevitably, nothing came of seeing Jean.
Walking into the coffee shop just shy of ten minutes after his last text to Sasha and panting heavily, Marco’s eyes landed on her and Jean. The pair fell silent at his presence, clearly having an involved conversation. Jean looked one step away from deathly serious while Sasha was grinning. He did not like whatever that conversation was about, especially not after noticing that Sasha had her phone in her hand. Putting on a soft smile, Marco approached his friends and did his very best to act like everything was normal in spite of his terror at the possibility of having one of his closest held secrets revealed. It hadn’t been 20 minutes yet, there was still a chance Sasha hadn’t said anything.
“Hi Jean!” Marco ignored the way his voice faltered, but he knew Jean would pick up on it.
Before Jean could study him and make his blush any darker, Marco turned to Sasha with a sharp glare in addition to his smile. “What were you guys talking about?”
“Jean and I were wondering what you’d order.” Sasha’s eyes glittered in a way that made Marco’s already tense stomach do flips.
“Y-yeah...” Jean chimed in, prompting Marco to turn to him with a confused look.
“Uh, could I get a caramel mocha latte?” The same thing he ordered every time he came, and had for the last several months.
“Do you want a cranberry orange muffin?” That was more like Jean, confirming what he already knew Marco would get rather than debating something that was, in Marco’s opinion, obvious.
“Of course. You know me so well.” The return to a more normal interaction made Marco smile despite the sass in his answer.
Marco finally let himself look at Jean, if only a little. He still seemed on edge, but the sharpness in his face melted more with each passing second. Marco admired the way Jean’s lips stretched around his smile, amused at the light teasing. He looked good, even with the tension in his jaw and his attention directed to punching in the order. Marco was suddenly struck with how much Jean’s face had changed over the last four years, shifting from boyish charm to unreasonably handsome. How long had it been since he let himself actually see Jean?
“I want my usual!” Sasha chirped, snapping Marco out of his dazed admiration of Jean’s mere existence.
Marco looked down and reached for his wallet, only to be interrupted by Jean. “It’s on the house today.”
Raising an eyebrow, Marco looked up at Jean again as he slid his wallet back into his pocket and bit his lower lip, trying to keep back a smile at Jean’s kindness. “Are you sure? I can pay for it–”
“I’ll take care of it. It’s been a bit since I’ve seen you… I missed you.” Jean blushed at his own words, leaving Marco breathless for a long moment.
“Thanks, I missed you too, Jean.” Marco didn’t know what to do with himself and the way his heart was hammering in his chest at the rare display of tenderness from Jean.
Before he could stop himself, Marco compared this instance of Jean’s tenderness to what he’d shown years ago to a silly stuffed animal. Right before high school graduation, Marco had won Jean a stuffed axolotl, which spent the rest of the night residing in the front of Jean’s shirt. Marco still remembered feeling jealous of the stuffed animal as Jean cuddled with it. Four years later and that night still came back to him like it was a day ago.
“Thanks Jean! You’re the best!” For the second time in under half an hour, Sasha interrupted a moment between Marco and Jean.
Letting himself be towed away by Sasha’s arm over his shoulder, Marco pushed his brain into overdrive to process how his morning had developed. Sasha tried talking to him, insisting that he needed to talk to Jean, but Marco deflected her with vague dismissals. He wasn’t sure why she was whispering so loudly, but asking her to stop wouldn’t do anything to change the conversation. Thankfully, the morning rush picked up soon after they stepped aside, so it was unlikely Jean heard anything.
“Oh, there’s our order!” Sasha interrupted something else she’d said with her observation.
Relieved to finally get out of the small pocket of hell Sasha had created, Marco made a beeline to the pickup counter. He gathered up the pastries into his arms before looking at the drinks, trying to find their names to ensure he grabbed the right ones. Sasha’s was labeled with her name, but Marco’s just had a sloppy heart drawn where a name would normally be. It looked like one Jean may have drawn, but Marco hadn’t exactly seen Jean draw enough hearts to be sure.
“Oh, that’s so sweet…” Marco’s heart fluttered, foolishly hopeful as he peered around the espresso machine to try and see Jean.
Instead, he found himself looking at one of Jean’s coworkers, Thomas. They’d met a few times before and been in a study group together for a class, but Marco didn’t know him much beyond that. From what Jean had told him, he could be frustrating but was overall an alright person.
Thomas glanced down at the cup, then back up at Marco, something odd Marco couldn’t quite place in his expression. Thomas smiled slowly, leaning on the employee side of the pickup counter. He looked way too relaxed for the rush of customers the shop was dealing with.
“You like that?” He still seemed off, but Marco brushed it off.
“I do… Do you know who drew it?” Marco felt giddy, like one of his biggest dreams was within reach.
“I did,” Thomas said, reaching up to rub the back of his neck with a chuckle. “I may have a bit of a crush on you, Marco.”
In an instant, Marco’s hope was shattered. He did his best not to let his smile falter, but it was hard not to feel devastated. Marco thought that maybe, in the strangeness of this morning, something miraculous could have happened. Jean always made his drink, so why wouldn’t he be the one to draw the heart? Of course, that felt stupid now. Marco was trying to get over Jean, not set himself up for more pain.
“Oh! I didn’t realize you were interested in guys, too,” Marco answered.
Thomas nodded, his previous shyness replaced with a jarring level of confidence. “I’m usually leaning the other way, but you’re just too hard to resist.”
Marco was too shocked to think about this in any meaningful way. His chest still ached with longing for Jean that needed to be smothered. Thomas had just confessed to him. Maybe this could be a way to dull the ache, if only temporarily.
“Th-thank you, I don’t hear things like that too often…” Marco took a sip of his drink, unsure how else to continue.
Thomas smirked, leaning in a little closer to Marco. “If you want to hear more of what I have to say, why don’t you let me take you to dinner? Friday night?”
“Sure…” Marco muttered, still reeling.
Thomas smacked his hand on the counter and grinned, looking triumphant. Marco jumped at the sound, thankfully not dropping any of he or Sasha’s orders. He was just about to open his mouth and try to say something more, but Sasha walked over and grabbed his arm. This time, her interruption was appreciated.
“Hi, Thomas!” Sasha greeted before turning to Marco. “We should go, I’ll be late for my exam if we hang out too much longer.”
“Oh! Of course.” Marco handed Sasha her things and glanced over to Thomas. “You already have my phone number, text me a time and place?”
Thomas nodded, scanning over Marco openly. “Will do, babe.”
A few hours of processing and roaming campus later, Marco had grasped the fact that he had a date on Friday with Thomas. While it wasn’t what he wanted, it was a pleasant surprise. Marco dared to admit he was a tad bit excited to be going on a date again, and with someone he already knew on top of it. In a moment of boldness, Marco took to Twitter to share vague details about having a date coming up.
Marco enjoyed the steady stream of positive replies he got over the next hour. They were a light distraction during class, but nothing Marco couldn’t handle. His focus was shaky anyway, and this little bit of joy wasn’t going to make a difference when it came to his ability to listen to lectures and take notes. The bigger distraction was his inability to stop thinking about talking to Jean that morning and how wonderful it felt to see him.
Marco was just about to drop his phone into his backpack when it buzzed from an incoming text message. Marco zipped up his bag and started to leave his class as he unlocked the device. Opening his message app, Marco tapped his conversation with Jean.
Jean
so
Jean
i hear you got a date on friday
Looking at his screen, Marco’s heart jumped into his throat as he stumbled behind people and left the classroom. Of course Jean would see his tweets and ask about it, as any close friend would. Even so, Marco hadn’t mentally prepared for this little conversation. Not responding was tempting, but that would just delay the conversation for later, giving Marco more time to panic over it. He may as well bite the bullet and commit to his plan here and now.
Marco
Yeah!!! I’m so excited. I actually know him for once so it might be less awkward.
Assuming what Jean’s next question would be, Marco decided to share who his date was with as he walked out of the lecture hall into the cold air.
Marco
You know Thomas right?
Now that he’d started, Marco couldn’t stop. He didn’t know if that was a good or bad thing.
Marco
He drew a heart on my latte this morning. Isn’t that funny? I didn’t know he was bisexual. I asked him who drew the heart on the cup and he admitted to it. Then after we talked for a bit, he asked me on a date. I’m kind of excited. He seems like a nice guy…
Marco wasn’t sure what else to do, so he continued to text Jean random details about Thomas and their upcoming date. It felt strange, sharing this information with the person Marco really wanted that date with, but it reminded him why he was doing this in the first place. He had to pull himself together, or he would be jeopardizing his ability to be in a happy relationship.
He needed to get over Jean, to silence the voice whispering in the back of his head, pleading with Jean to give him a form of hope to cling to a little longer. It was easier this way, to take Jean’s silence and ramble into it until it was obvious there was nothing there for Marco to cling to. This was it, an opportunity to discard any lingering hope for his fruitless crush. Seven years of aching could finally be forced to an end.
Feeling his phone vibrate, Marco took a deep breath and looked at his most recent message.
Jean
can we talk? in person ofc… i need to tell u something
Just like that, there was a new kernel of hope wedging into Marco’s heart. Jean obviously had not read any of Marco’s last several texts, which was expected, but the response rather than ignorance was the thread by which Marco hung. Despite his better judgment, Marco leaned into this slim chance at something with Jean. He told himself it was okay since he still had his escape plan via Thomas to fall back on. What were a few more days of pining after all these years?
Marco
Yeah, of course! Are you okay? Did something happen?
Jean’s reply was almost immediate, prompting a tiny smile to tug at Marco’s lips.
Jean
im fine and u could say that
In all honesty, Marco wanted to see Jean as soon as possible. If Jean needed support, Marco would be there, even if they hadn’t been as close in college as they were in high school. Rather than throw his life away to run to Jean then and there, he offered a more reasonable solution.
Marco
Exams are coming up, so I’ve been pretty busy… I’m free for an hour and a half tomorrow between classes around 11. Would that work?
Jean
thats perfect
Marco
Great! I’ll see you then. If you came over with a caramel mocha latte and a cranberry orange muffin, I’d love you forever? 🥺
Marco fussed over saying that last bit. He couldn’t undo sending his message, and it was out of his hands if Jean took that in any negative way.
Jean
deal
With a plan in place and no obviously cold reaction from Jean, Marco’s smile grew. No matter how many times he was let down, he could never quite stop himself from getting eager and optimistic about spending time with Jean. The distance that had formed between them only made it easier to get a higher high out of their interactions. Already, he knew tomorrow couldn’t come fast enough.
Mercifully, the whirlwind of exam season made the day go by fast enough to tolerate. It left Marco worn, too, able to fall asleep almost as soon as he was home. He wanted to be rested for his exams, for his date, for his meet-up with Jean. He considered texting Jean just to chat while he got ready for bed but decided against it. He didn’t need to fuel the embers of longing that continued to burn in his heart.
After fighting off the urge to text Jean, the next thing Marco remembered was waking up to a phone call from Jean. The clock on his nightstand read 3:21 am. Groaning and snatching his phone off its charging dock, Marco cleared his throat before putting the device to his ear.
“Jean?” Even after clearing his throat, Marco still sounded exhausted, but his self-consciousness about that disappeared when he noticed something else. “Are you crying?”
“Marco I can’t wait, I need to see you.” Jean’s voice came out choked and Marco was hit with the intense need to hold Jean until he calmed down again.
“Are you okay?” Marco already knew the answer, but maybe asking would give him a clue about what was eating at Jean.
“No… I just need to see you.” A pause, just long enough for a sense of importance at being the person Jean needed to see to blossom in Marco’s chest before Jean’s voice crackled through the speaker again. “Please, I’m so fucking sorry I just need to see you.”
Marco’s attempt to offer immediate reassurance was delayed by a yawn, but he answered as soon as it was done in a voice that was unexpectedly steady for how sleepy and confused he was. “Okay, I’ll wait for you to get here.”
“I’ll be there in five minutes.”
“Drive safe.”
“I will.”
With that, Jean ended the call. Marco took a moment to process what was going on as he dropped his arm to his side. While he was worried about what Jean needed so suddenly, it was also nice not to have to wait to see him and to get some answers sooner rather than later. Trying desperately not to predict what it was Jean was so worked up about, Marco paced his apartment a few times. The creaking of the floorboards didn’t help soothe his anxiety, so he shuffled to the door and waited. Tapping his foot on the ground, Marco checked his phone. It had been six minutes.
As if on cue, Jean’s heavy footsteps came down the hallway. He only got to knock on the door twice before Marco yanked it open. Jean jumped, seemingly surprised by the speed with which Marco answered. That detail only held Marco’s attention for a split second.
Jean had been crying recently. He looked worn down and… broken, maybe? If he’d slept at all, it must've been fitful, if his fatigued expression and wild hair offered any clues. He was shaking and breathing hard, too, and Marco struggled in his shock to do more than smile weakly at him in hopes of offering comfort and reassurance. His own worries would be addressed soon enough.
Marco did his best to keep his voice smooth and soothing despite how caught off guard he was. “Hi Jean. You gonna tell me what’s wrong–“
In an instant, Jean was through the door and fisting Marco’s shirt. Their lips crashed together, leaving Marco off-kilter in every possible way. He stiffened, thrown against his will into the memory of the last time Jean’s lips had been on his, drunk on Jean’s roof as they skipped graduation. The elation that morphed into pain the next day, the fear and sense of loss at hearing Jean fighting with his father and denying Marco everything he thought he had branded into him. Marco was frozen, panic rising in his chest.
Marco pulled away, eyes wide and breaths coming fast. “Jean, you can’t toy with me like this. My heart can’t take this happening again.”
“Again? What the hell do you mean, ‘Again’?”
Marco scoffed, his shock and panic thawing into anger. “Come on, you can’t be serious. Do you remember us skipping graduation and your fight with your dad, or were you too drunk to remember any of it?”
“I didn’t drink that much… Of course I remember,” Jean muttered. “There’s not a day I don’t think back on it.”
“Is that so?” Marco crossed his arms over his chest. “What do you feel when you think back on it? Because I remember it being one of the happiest nights of my life followed by the worst morning of my life.”
“Funny you say that, because... same.”
Marco faltered. “H-huh? You don’t regret it?”
Jean shrugged as if Marco had asked a dumb question. “Why would I?”
“I thought you’d see it as a drunken mistake that got you into a fight with your dad for nothing… He said all those terrible things to you, even after you denied that we’d kissed and insisted you weren’t gay…” Marco felt lost, his arms loosening over his chest as he looked intently at Jean.
Jean laughed sarcastically. “Did you even hear me tell him that I loved you? Because after I confessed to him, I tried to go back to my room to see you and you were gone.”
Marco’s jaw dropped for a second before he recollected himself, moving cautiously through this conversation that was years overdue. “I… did not hear that. I left while you were denying everything because I was too scared and upset to hear any more of it.”
“Well, surprise. That was the night I realized I was bisexual.”
“You’re what?” Marco was still too terrified of being ripped open again to take what Jean had just shared to heart.
“I’m bisexual. Better yet, that’s the night I realized that I’m hopelessly in love with you.”
There it was, exactly what Marco had been waiting seven years to hear. He was still too scarred from the last time they’d had a moment like this to let himself have it without being absolutely sure, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that he wouldn’t be hurt that way again. He could still recall the terror he’d felt when Jean’s dad barged into Jean’s room, waking them up with shouting and tossing Jean around over a bottle of cheap whiskey they’d barely touched and their relationship. Knowing Jean’s father was out of the picture for good, Marco had one other major fear hanging over him that had to be put to rest before he could move forward with this conversation.
“Jean… You’re not drunk, are you?”
“You going to jump out of the nearest window and run if I tell you I’m not?”
Marco allowed himself a tiny smile, starting to feel more at ease and brave as Jean’s demeanor eased back to something more familiar. “No, but I might have to tell you that I love you, too. And maybe snag a kiss while I’m at it…”
Jean stepped closer with a smile. “I love you, Marco…”
Marco’s tiny smile exploded into a full-blown grin. Giddy and eager now that his fears were addressed, Marco grabbed Jean by the shirt and pulled him into the apartment. Pressing himself against Jean to reach over and close the door, Marco backed them against it. Rather than pull away, Marco just adjusted to brush his nose against Jean’s.
“And I love you, Jean.”
Marco didn’t waste another second. He moved his hands to cradle Jean’s face, closing the gap between them to kiss Jean with fervor. It was dizzying to feel years of pain and pining and pressure alleviated all at once. One long-avoided conversation shook up everything, changing Marco’s world for the better with astounding speed. Marco leaned completely into Jean, caving to the need to meld them together. When Jean’s arms slipped around his neck to hold him close, it felt like being home for the first time in years.
Marco couldn’t resist the urge to slide his hands down from Jean’s face as they grew breathless. Ghosting his fingertips over Jean’s neck, then flattening his palms to cover Jean’s chest, Marco let himself feel Jean in every way he could as Jean’s fingers tangled into his hair. Marco let his fingers slip under Jean’s shirt and drank in the heady whine the touch earned. Feeling bold, Marco kept his hands on Jean’s skin as he moved them to hold the small of Jean’s back, pressing them together harder.
Only when his lungs burned for air did Marco back off of kissing Jean. He stayed close, brushing his lips over Jean’s lightly as he caught his breath. The way Jean shivered at that sent a jolt of desire through Marco, which he quickly set aside. Tempting as it was to keep pulling noises out of Jean, they’d have time for that later.
Opening his eyes, Marco felt Jean’s arms slide around his neck again. Marco copied the gesture, wiggling his arms between Jean and the door to hug him back. His arms would fall asleep soon, but it would be well worth the mild discomfort to hold Jean right then and there. He’d waited long enough for a moment like this; he wasn’t about to let anything interrupt them.
Jean hummed, clearly not bothered by the tighter hug. “I drew that heart on your cup this morning, Thomas is a fucking liar.”
Marco paused to soak in that information–arguably the least shocking revelation of the night–before answering. “I thought that heart looked familiar… I was a bit surprised when Thomas told me he drew it.” Marco laughed, joyful and unrestrained, as he peppered kisses over Jean’s neck. “Honestly I was hoping that you did when I asked, but gave up hope again when he admitted to it.”
“I personally want to bash his teeth in.” Marco snorted at the wistful sigh that accompanied Jean’s statement.
“I wouldn’t resort to violence.”
“I would. That bitch almost ruined my chance to get you before you forgot about me for good.”
Something clicked into place in Marco’s mind just then. “Sasha showed you our texts this morning, didn’t she?”
Jean’s sigh was enough of an answer, but Marco didn’t stop his explanation. Once Jean was finished, Marco adjusted their hug to rest their foreheads together, their noses brushing again. Marco would talk to Sasha about what she did later, but he didn’t have it in him to be upset. She’d meant well with her actions, and everything had turned out great in the end. Then, Marco’s thoughts about Sasha were interrupted when he remembered something that he felt was worth sharing with Jean.
“So, you remember the night of what would have been graduation?” Marco smiled tenderly, appreciating how at peace Jean looked with his eyes closed.
When Jean nodded, Marco continued. “Well… That was one of the hardest weeks of my life. I knew I had feelings for you before then, but I realized I loved you during our last trip to that arcade, and then you kissed me on the roof when we skipped graduation, only to have that ruined by your dad the next morning… I was a mess then, but I’m thankful it led us to where we are now.”
Jean blinked his eyes open just in time for a flush to spread over his face at those memories. “Marco, I...”
Marco chuckled at Jean’s speechlessness, giving him a quick kiss. “I tried to let you go after all of that, but I couldn’t do it. You’ve always had my heart, Jean, even though I thought I had no chance with you. Apparently, thinking you were straight wasn’t enough to stop me.”
Jean chuckled. “Well I’m not straight. I wasn’t back then, either, but I was too scared to act on it until I moved out. I thought you’d left because you didn’t feel the same way.”
Now it was Marco’s turn to chuckle. “We should have just talked about it. I remember seeing your Grindr profile sophomore year and almost asking you about it, but I didn’t think it was my place to say anything. It felt like we’d drifted too far apart for me to bring something like that up.”
Jean relaxed further into Marco’s arms, putting at ease any possible concerns about there still being distance between them. “Thank you… I don’t know how I’d have reacted if you’d said something.”
Marco just hummed in acknowledgment. Having Jean in his arms, their feelings laid out, was everything Marco had ever wanted. Seven years of aching and longing were alleviated in mere minutes. This was the lightest and happiest Marco had felt in a longer time than he’d like to admit.
“What about your date with Thomas?”
Oh. Marco had forgotten all about that. He’d call it off later, probably with a quick text to let Thomas know he wasn’t interested after all. He never had been, and that was especially true now that Jean was in his arms. The object of his affection was right there, ready to be held and treasured rather than forgotten and distanced. A spark of confidence caught in Marco’s chest as he chuckled.
“Well…” Marco paused to give Jean yet another gentle kiss. “It seems my schedule freed up a little this Friday. Do you want to go on a date with me?”
Watching a wild grin spread over Jean’s face gave Marco the answer before Jean spoke.
“Please?” Jean’s voice was full of affection, excitement, and relief.
It was all Marco could do to swoop in and kiss Jean again. Marco let himself drown in the moment, pouring his whole self into having this long-awaited moment with Jean. Jean felt like he was doing the same, kissing back until they lost track of everything but each other.
At some point, their kissing had led them to Marco’s bed. Marco vaguely remembered carrying Jean there and cuddling him to sleep, but the whole night came back as a happy haze of lips and hugs and racing hearts. In a moment of sleepy, joyous nostalgia that Marco was glad he could hold onto, they’d squished Marco’s stuffed snail between them, reminiscing about a picture Marco had taken of them years ago and laughing at the memory.
The sound of a seven a.m. alarm cut through some of that haze, pulling an unwilling Marco out of bed and away from Jean. Carefully untangling himself, Marco set about getting dressed. At every opportunity, he snuck glances at Jean’s half-asleep face, marveling at how cute he was. It felt wrong to disturb him, but he needed to get up eventually. When his attempts to shake Jean awake only earned him displeased whines and Jean clinging to the stuffed snail in front of him, Marco decided to try something different.
Walking over to the bed, Marco leaned down and kissed Jean good morning. Muttering into Jean’s hair as he kissed his head, Marco felt his cheeks heat up. Half in an attempt to hide his blush and half to finish getting ready, Marco ducked down the hall and slipped into the bathroom to brush his teeth and hair. Once that was done, Marco made his way to the kitchen and brewed coffee for them. Pouring coffee for both of them–Jean’s into a Star Wars mug and his own into a Stardew Valley mug–Marco went to his hall closet and started stuffing his backpack with notes, books, and his laptop.
Once he was finally done getting ready for the day, Marco walked back into the kitchen and felt his heart skip a beat when he saw Jean. He’d borrowed a hoodie that was far too big for him and found the jeans he’d left months ago that Marco had never remembered to give back to him. For such a normal outfit, Jean made it look gorgeous. It was all Marco could do to smile at Jean and press another kiss to his head.
Marco expected Jean to still be waking up and grumbling at the contact, but instead, he found himself wrapped in one of the warmest hugs of his life. Almost instinctively, Marco slipped his arms around Jean’s waist and leaned into him. A beat later, their lips met. Even after sleeping on the events of the previous night and waking up to find it all had been real, Marco still felt a dreamlike bliss at finally having and holding Jean the way he’d dreamed of for years.
The kiss carried the tension of them holding themselves back. The implied promise of more when they weren’t busy was intoxicating. Suddenly, his exams didn’t seem all that important, but Marco knew better than to skip them. Jean would still be there after the exams were over, with more opportunities to enjoy each other without the pressure of limited time. Marco was thankful Jean broke their kiss because his willpower had faded with every tilt of their heads.
“Wanna still see me around eleven?” Jean asked, his thumb brushing over Marco’s neck earning him a slight shiver.
Marco knew he did, but he paused for a moment before he came up with a sufficiently playful way to respond. “I mean, you promised me a cranberry orange muffin, and I can’t really refuse that.”
Leaning in, Jean met him in the middle for a chaste kiss. They broke apart to sip at their coffee, chatting lightly as they caffeinated themselves in preparation for the day. When they were finished, mugs set in the sink, Marco walked Jean to the door and held it open for him. Marco couldn’t resist stealing a glance at Jean’s ass before ducking out behind him and locking the door.
Parting ways with one more soft kiss and whispered affirmations of their love for each other, Marco climbed into his car with a grin as he started the engine. The day was vibrant, the sunlight appearing brighter than normal and the sky a rich blue, but Marco wondered if it was just his overwhelming elation at being with Jean making him see the world in a new way. He didn’t feel like he‘d have any luck focusing on his exams, but for the first time in his academic career, he didn’t mind.
Jean and Marco texted each other almost constantly, just like normal. During breaks between phases of his exams, Marco did his best to sneak his phone out and respond to Jean, even after Jean teased him about being prioritized over his degree. Marco answered with cheesy honesty, telling Jean that he was his future and that classes and exams could be retaken. That was true, but even if he couldn’t retake the test, Marco was pretty sure he’d text Jean anyway.
During his exam, Marco considered what he’d do to address Thomas. His initial idea of texting him to cancel grew less appealing by the minute, especially knowing that Thomas had lied about drawing the heart. His lie had hurt Jean and almost taken away any chance of them being together, and that angered Marco. Not many things made Marco angry, but when he did feel this way, he almost always acted on it in his own passive-aggressive way. As soon as he settled on the fact that he wanted to get back at Thomas for his behavior, something clicked in Marco’s mind.
He already had the perfect opportunity to teach Thomas a lesson, thanks to their still scheduled date on Friday.
A dark smile spread over Marco’s lips. If Thomas could get a date by taking advantage of someone else, Marco could have a date where he took advantage of Thomas. He certainly wouldn’t hurt Thomas by arguing or fighting, but the most painfully polite yet awkward date in history would do the trick. Thomas would learn his lesson, Marco would get a free meal, and Jean would get the entertainment of hearing about it all after the fact. A date with Jean would have to wait, but they would have plenty of time for proper dates later.
With his plan in place, Marco was able to once again focus on his exam. The mental image of an uncomfortable Thomas and a grinning Jean occasionally popped into his head, but they were easy enough to set aside knowing those images would be real soon enough. He just had to wait for Friday night.
Cuddling in the back seat of Jean’s car, Marco inhaled his coffee and muffin gratefully. He relaxed into the unspoken agreement that Jean would spend the night again. Being glued together like this felt so good and right, especially after so long without this closeness. The silence was pleasant, but Marco wondered how long it would last before their idle chatting would resume. As if on cue, Jean picked that moment to speak up.
“Why haven’t you cancelled your date yet?” Marco noted that Jean didn’t sound concerned or upset, which was a relief.
Laying with his back to Jean made it easy for Marco to flop his head back to rest on Jean’s shoulder. Giving their interlaced hands a squeeze, Marco gave himself a moment to decide how to frame his answer, his lips pursed in thought. Settled on his approach, Marco twisted his neck to smile mischievously up at Jean.
“I have a really terrible idea.” Marco watched the gears in Jean’s head turn as he blinked through confusion.
“Terrible idea?” Marco nodded, pursing his lips again to hold back his grin.
“Well… What if I still went on that date with Thomas?” Marco spoke slowly, uncertainly.
“Why the fuck would you do that?” Jean’s reaction was what Marco had anticipated, so it didn’t shake him; that reaction was the perfect lead-in for Marco to share his scheme.
Shifting to sit and face Jean, leaning onto his chest, Marco explained his thought process. “Okay, so… I was thinking about how Thomas is a lying jerk, and how he almost ruined our chances of getting together… What if I didn’t cancel our date and went on it anyway to mess with him?”
Marco watched something that he wanted to call desire flash in Jean’s eyes. It was exhilarating, taking Marco’s breath away for a beat as his heartbeat picked up. Marco wasn’t positive, but he could see Jean taking the viewpoint that this was his way of standing by their relationship and protecting it. He hoped that was the case because it would make this whole conversation much less awkward if Jean was on board.
“I did know you had an evil side…” Jean chuckled and kissed the top of Marco’s head, putting Marco further at ease.
Still, Marco had to put down the idea so many people–and apparently even Jean–had about him being nice to a fault. “I can be mean when I want to be.”
Marco swore he saw another flash of desire in Jean’s eyes, but it was gone in an instant as he continued their conversation.
“What’s the plan?” Jean asked, voice cracking.
Marco opted not to comment on the voice crack, but it did feel nice to get further confirmation that Jean did want him as bad as it seemed he did. After all, the feeling was mutual. Marco smiled mischievously again to shift the tone again, recalling all of the ideas he’d had throughout the morning. There were too many for him to use all at once, so getting Jean’s help nailing down a plan would be helpful.
“So here’s what I was thinking…”
After nailing down a plan for how to mess with Thomas, Marco and Jean parted ways. Nothing else eventful took place up until Friday night. Marco studied for his last exam, Jean worked at the coffee shop trying not to strangle Thomas, and they texted each other about their scheme to tide themselves over. With those distractions, it didn’t take long for Marco to find himself ready for his date and standing outside, waiting for Jean to pick him up.
Knowing he was going to a restaurant on the nicer side, Marco naturally wore a space patterned t-shirt adorned with a gray cat and a pair of lightly torn black jeans. He put on some black converse to finish off his entirely inappropriate outfit. As he daydreamed about the shocked look Thomas would give him, Jean’s headlights appeared around the corner and Marco focused again. With confident strides, Marco walked outside, locked his door, and headed over to where Jean had stopped and opened the door.
“Are you ready?” Jean asked through a grin, his shaggy brown wig already on.
Marco laughed and nodded as he climbed into the car. “I sure am.”
With that, Jean turned the radio up a bit and set off towards their destination. Thomas had picked a restaurant near Marco’s apartment, a moderately fancy sit-down restaurant known for seafood. What Thomas didn’t know was that Marco had a shellfish allergy. It wasn’t severe enough that he couldn’t visit the restaurant, but enough that he’d already scoped out what he could eat from the menu online.
The short drive over was filled with anticipation, excited tension crackling in the air. They were nearly giggling as Jean parked, looking at each other with amusement. Marco leaned over and pecked Jean on the lips, watching the blush appear on Jean’s cheeks after. He looked almost dazed, and the sight made Marco’s heart flutter. It felt like they were lovesick teenagers, and Marco couldn’t get enough of it.
“I’ll head in first?” Jean asked, double-checking their plan, and Marco nodded.
They climbed out of the car together, but Marco hung back long enough to see Jean walk into the restaurant before following. Jean was to sit at a table in the main dining area, where he could see and hear how Marco and Thomas’s date went. Marco would be in charge of making the date as comically, insufferably awful as possible. As he walked through the door, Marco scanned the restaurant to find Thomas wasn’t there yet. Checking the time and seeing it was 7:03, Marco realized Thomas was late. What a delightful start.
It ended up taking Thomas 20 minutes to show up. Marco waited in the entry area for him, occasionally locking eyes with Jean, who shook his head in disbelief. Waitresses offered to seat Marco, but he politely declined. Checking his phone, Marco confirmed he hadn’t been updated that Thomas was running late or rescheduling. One of the many stunned gazes between Jean and Marco was interrupted by Thomas appearing through the door, looking surprised to see Marco.
“Hey, you’re early. And, uh, underdressed. Couldn’t wait to see me?” Thomas teased, smiling.
Marco looked at him with an excessively sweet smile. “Actually, you’re about 20 minutes late, and I didn’t know this was a nice restaurant. You didn’t tell me.”
Thomas raised an eyebrow, shaking his head. “I said 7:30 and told you to dress nice,” he said, slow and condescending.
Marco opened his texts from Thomas and showed them to him. He’d said 7 and made no mention of what to wear. Thomas glanced between the texts and Marco a few times, chuckling. Marco did not join in. Thomas seemed thrown off for only a second before he went back to being overconfident and irritating.
“Well, I’ll make it up to you next time, okay?” Thomas winked and Marco had to resist the urge to roll his eyes.
“Sure. I’m pretty hungry, can we get a table?” Marco asked politely, giving Thomas a small, tense smile.
Thomas nodded and marched up to the hostess stand. “A table for two.”
Now that Thomas wasn’t looking at him, Marco made a face at his lack of manners to the staff. Thomas didn’t engage with the hostess as she led them to a table that, thankfully, was very close to Jean’s. Marco took the seat where he could see Jean, half to watch his reactions and half to make sure Thomas didn’t notice him through his flimsy disguise. Once they were seated, Marco took one deep breath to prepare himself for being an awful date.
Thomas set up the perfect opening for Marco to start being a menace. “Nervous?”
Marco shook his head and answered with the flattest tone he could manage. “Not at all.”
Thomas leaned over the table a little, smirking and holding out a hand to be held that Marco did not take. “It’s okay if you are, Marco, I won’t judge you.”
Marco smiled, once again a tight and cool curve of his lips. “I’m really not, but thanks.”
Thomas took the hint and pulled his hand away, looking a touch puzzled. Marco saw Jean looking shocked a few tables away. He seemed doubtful Marco could pull off being so cold and unhelpful to Thomas until then, but his face made it clear he’d been shown otherwise. Marco had to fight down a genuine smile at seeing Jean so surprised.
“I’ve heard the shrimp here is really good, mind if I treat you to that?” Thomas glanced up from skimming over the menu to look at Marco.
Marco couldn’t believe how easy it was to keep fucking around with Thomas. “I’m allergic to shellfish, but the roasted chicken sounds fine.”
“Why didn’t you tell me that? We could have gone somewhere else…” Thomas was losing his arrogance now, realizing the date wasn’t going as smoothly as he clearly had assumed it would.
Marco shrugged. “It wasn’t worth it to change plans.”
Thomas nodded and let there be silence for a few minutes before he had to fill it again, looking fidgety in his seat. “Do you want to split a bottle of wine?”
Marco shook his head, letting his eyes drift over to Jean. “I don’t drink after an, ah, incident with Jean in high school, but I don’t mind if you’d like to.”
That was a lie, and Jean’s knowing smirk made Marco’s heart skip a beat. Marco did drink, but only with people he trusted and only on occasion. He drank around people like Jean, who never pushed his limits and had his best interest at heart, even when miscommunications got in the way. He drank for moments like graduations and birthdays, life-sculpting moments that warranted cutting loose. Thomas was not someone Marco would let his guard down around, a first date with him was not a life-sculpting occasion, and though Jean was still around to offer safety, Marco also wanted to use this to further throw Thomas off. Not by bringing him down or hurting him, but by making himself as unlike what Thomas expected and wanted as possible.
Thomas actually sighed at that answer. “I might. I’m curious, what was this ‘incident’ with Jean?”
Marco winced, half for dramatic effect and half as a genuine reaction to thinking too hard about Jean’s fight with his father the morning after they skipped graduation and made out on Jean’s roof. “If I wanted to talk about it, I’d have said more…”
Thomas shrugged. “Fair enough. Who cares about the past when we can focus on the present?”
There was his lead-in. “Well, if I can ask a little about the past, how long have you liked me? What was it that made you realize how you felt?”
Thomas looked at Marco, really studying his face, and Marco put on his most patient, neutral smile. Jean was listening more closely now. Asking about this had been Jean’s idea, a way to satiate his curiosity about if Thomas actually liked Marco or just wanted to sleep with someone. The unsure look on Thomas’s face gave Marco a pretty solid guess as to what the truth was.
“I… I realized I liked you a few weeks ago. You coming into the shop always brightened the place up, and… you’re just so gorgeous.” Thomas stumbled through his answer, smiling confidently despite the confusion in his eyes.
Marco leaned over the table a touch. “I feel like I never see you making orders. Aren’t you usually working in the back?”
“Yes, but I peek out whenever you come in. Jean gives it away. He gets so… defensive, when you’re there.” There was venom in the way Thomas said Jean’s name.
“Well, I did save his life when he almost fell off the roof after… nevermind, it’s not important.” Marco cut himself off with a rough shake of his head, leaning into the mystery he was creating.
“Wh-what?” Thomas looked wide-eyed at Marco, who pretended to stare off in the distance while he was actually looking at Jean.
Jean looked confused. He furrowed his brows in thought before mouthing words to Marco, asking if he really had almost fallen off the roof the night of graduation. Uncaring if he seemed crazy for it, Marco nodded firmly. Thomas opened his mouth and moved to turn around, probably to see what Marco was nodding at, but their waiter reappeared and stopped Jean’s cover from being blown.
“Can I get you anything to drink?”
Thomas barely glanced at the waiter, as if he was still thinking about turning around. “Water for both of us.”
Marco hated being spoken for, so the irritation in his voice was genuine. “Actually, I would like Dr. Pepper, please.”
Before he could help it, Marco glared at Thomas, who plopped back into his seat and sat up straighter than he had all night. He soon reined the expression in but hoped the message was clear that he could speak for himself. Though Marco still had plans for how to make Thomas squirm, he was also getting honest to god annoyed at him anyway. Their drinks came and gave Marco something else to focus on, his eyes fixed on the bubbles floating up to the surface of the dark liquid.
“So, aside from being gorgeous, is there anything else about me you like?” Marco tilted his head and folded his hands on the table to look at Thomas.
Thomas was quiet for a long moment, taking a slow sip of his water before shrugging. “It’s hard to explain. I just feel drawn to you, like there’s something that’s meant to be here.”
Thomas was trying so hard to feed Marco all of this crap, acting like he was interested in more than a quick lay. This felt more and more like a pretentious Grindr meet-up the longer they sat here. Marco had experienced enough of those to know. Thomas also struck Marco as the kind of guy who was too stuck up to use Grindr but boiled down to having the same expectations as the more annoying users there when it came to relationships.
“I see.” Marco offered Thomas nothing more, content to sit in more silence.
The waiter came by again, this time more cautious as the awkwardness at the table was palpable. “Are you ready to order, or do you need a few more minutes?”
“I’m ready,” Marco said, smiling warmly at the waiter, who returned the smile.
“I’ll have the salmon special, and he’ll have the roasted chicken.” Thomas spoke for Marco again, and Marco looked over at Jean with legitimate anger on his face.
It was getting harder and harder to stay pleasant with Thomas. Marco couldn’t appreciate enough that he didn’t actually care about this date, because if he didn’t have Jean to go to after this, he’d be pretty disappointed. At least they’d made it to ordering food before reaching this point. If they hadn’t, Marco would have probably ended the date. He was anxious to spend time with Jean again and laugh about this whole ordeal once it was in the past.
“So, are you planning anything fun for winter break?” Thomas seemed unaware of Marco’s frustrations.
“I’ll probably go home to see my family,” Marco answered, the mere thought of them lessening the tension in his shoulders and giving them a line of conversation to follow.
“Nice. I’m probably going to take some of my friends skiing, maybe hole up in a resort for the holidays and send my folks the bill.” Thomas didn’t show any interest at all in Marco’s plans.
“You’re not going to see your family?” Marco couldn’t fathom blowing his family off like that, so this was a genuine question.
Thomas laughed. “No way! It’s such a relief not to have them breathing down my neck, why would I go back to that? They pay for school and trips, I get decent grades, and that’s that.”
Marco was speechless. He just stared at Thomas, baffled someone who was at college and planning a vacation on their family’s money would so brazenly ignore them during one of the most family-oriented times of the year. If he did that, he wouldn’t be able to sleep until he apologized and made up for his mistake with a proper visit. Marco shook his head to try and clear it, but it didn’t do much. Thomas seemed unbothered, looking towards the kitchen.
“The food is taking forever,” he groaned.
“It hasn’t been that long. I’m holding out just fine.” Marco was hungry, but not enough to be impatient about his meal.
“I’m starving over here.” Thomas did not say it like an exaggeration.
“You can wait,” Marco said, voice low and firm.
Marco swore he saw Jean choke on his food, but he wasn’t looking closely enough to be sure. He was too busy leaning back in his chair soaking in the way his change in tone caught Thomas off guard. He was so off-kilter now, Marco couldn’t help the smug smile on his face. He looked over at Jean again, closer this time, feeling accomplished at how much he’d messed with Thomas. However, Marco stopped thinking about that when he made eye contact with Jean.
There was unmistakable heat in Jean’s expression. The look in his eyes made Marco shiver, something hungry and needy to it. It drew Marco in, wearing down the walls he’d built over the last seven years to contain his longing for his best friend. Only now, he doesn't have to hold back anymore…
“Excuse me, I’ll be right back.” Marco smiled and got up, giving Jean a yearning look before turning to head to the restroom.
When he walked in, Jean appeared a moment later. Before he was able to say anything, Marco yanked him in for a kiss with a hand on his chin, dipping his thumb into Jean’s open mouth before their lips met. It was on the sloppy side and very rushed, but only because years of lust had exploded out of Marco at once, intensified after being shut down since their confession. He wanted Jean so desperately and he was right there to take, but he had to wait. This was just to get the edge off so he could finish this date from hell. The way Jean kissed back and his half-hard cock rubbing against Marco’s hips suggested he needed the relief, too. They nibbled and licked at each other until their need for air overcame their desperation.
“You need to tone it down, I’m dying over there,” Jean panted when they finally broke apart.
Marco fluttered his eyelashes and tilted his head in a false display of innocence. “What are you talking about?”
“You know exactly what.” Jean tried to glare, but his expression ended up pleading.
“Oh, that’s nothing, Jean,” Marco leaned closer and rasped. “I can be so much worse…”
This time, it was Jean who initiated their kiss. Marco backed against the wall and let Jean lean into him, savoring the way they pressed together while their tongues slipped over each other. Marco moved his arms around Jean’s neck while Jean set his hands on Marco’s hips, holding them close. Marco was about to slide his hands down to cup Jean’s ass and grind them together when the bathroom door opened and the waiter who had been covering Marco and Jean’s tables walked in.
They jumped apart, but not quick enough to hide what they’d been doing. Marco licking his reddened lips in search of Jean’s taste didn’t help, either. The waiter looked at them with wide eyes, stunned into silence at what he’d walked into. Marco felt like he’d been caught, which was unfortunately more exciting than he’d expected it to be. Jean, on the other hand, scrambled for words.
“I, we… he had… uh…” Groaning and shaking his head, Jean dug $50 out of his wallet. “Just… don’t ask?”
The waiter grabbed the bill and looked curiously between Jean and Marco. “I don’t want to know.”
Jean walked out as soon as that was done, radiating embarrassment as he hurried back to his booth. Marco followed shortly after, needing a moment to cool down and let his lips return to normal. Being walked in on had worked him up in a way he hadn’t expected, and he made a mental note to reflect on that more when he had time. On his way back to his seat, Marco made a point of avoiding eye contact with the waiter. Thomas was still at the table, which now had their food on it as well as the check. Seeing Marco walking over, Thomas seemed to melt in his seat, relief on his face.
“Has the food been out long?” Marco slipped into the seat and smiled, trying not to think about how badly he still wanted to be plastered against Jean.
“Not too long,” Thomas answered, short and to the point.
After that, they focused on eating and stayed in semi-comfortable silence. Marco kept stealing heated glances at Jean as often as he could, eager to spend time with him again. It seemed Thomas was ready to leave as well because he put his card into the check holder before they’d finished half their meals. Once the distraction of food was gone, their semi-comfortable silence went back to being full-on awkward. Somehow, Thomas still had it in him to try and save the nightmare of a date Marco had created.
“Do you need a ride home?” Thomas looked at Marco with the tiniest hint of desire in his eyes.
Time for the big reveal. “No thank you, my boyfriend will take me.”
“W-what?” Thomas sputtered.
Right on cue, Jean pulled off his silly disguise and came over, offering Marco a hand. Accepting it and getting to his feet, Marco looked over at Thomas and smiled one last time. He was impressed at himself for not feeling bad, instead being left with the sense that Thomas had gotten a much-needed awakening about his behavior.
“Hey, how was that hot date of yours?” Jean squeezed Marco’s hand and made his heart flutter.
Thomas opened and closed his mouth a few times before giving up and looking down at the table, guilt and understanding on his face. Just to drive everything home, Marco pecked Jean on the lips before gently tugging them out of the restaurant. As soon as they were outside, Jean stopped. Marco turned around to ask what was up, but Jean spoke before he got the chance.
“So… am I your boyfriend?” Jean sounded dazed.
Marco giggled and pulled him in for a hug. “If you want to be, then yes.”
“I do, more than anything,” Jean blurted out.
Realizing what he’d said, Jean’s face turned red. It was so cute, Marco did his best to burn the image into his mind. He’d intended to ask Jean to be official more purposefully after so many years of waiting, but calling him his boyfriend felt natural in the moment. The way they were holding each other, it didn’t seem like Jean minded at all. This was a sweet ending to a very strange outing and a nice, concrete confirmation of their relationship many years in the making.
As nice as it was to stand and hold each other, it was too cold to linger outside for long. The tip of Marco’s nose felt frozen and he had goosebumps all over his arms. He’d be shivering soon if they didn’t get inside or get him a jacket. Jean had one on, but it felt stupid to ask for it when they could just go home. He must not have pulled his eyes off the garment quick enough, because Jean shrugged his jacket off and draped it around Marco’s shoulders. Jean held a hand up to silence Marco’s protests before they could begin.
“Your place or mine?” Jean started towards his car, smiling so softly Marco didn’t think he realized he was smiling at all.
“Mine, it’s closer.” Marco jogged to catch up with Jean, falling in step with him.
“Awesome. I’m thinking about picking up some chicken strips and fries on the way home. If you want anything, it’s my treat.” Jean unlocked the car and split away from Marco to get behind the wheel, smiling sweetly as he suggested picking up Marco’s favorite for dinner.
“That sounds amazing. Fancy restaurants never serve enough food.” Marco slipped into the passenger seat, holding Jean’s jacket tight and blushing.
As the car started, Marco and Jean’s hands met over the cup holders. Fingers laced together and Thomas left as nothing more than an amusing story, they pulled out of the parking lot and made their way towards Marco’s apartment. Maybe it was wishful thinking, but Marco had a feeling this would be just the first of many, many nights they’d spend together.