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The sun shone mercilessly up in the clear sky above the golden fields. Even with his straw hat on, Jean could feel the heat burning at the back of his head; his neck already reddened after several hours of collecting hay under the sun.
“Damn you, Eren.” He cursed him out loud now that nobody could hear him. It was Eren’s fault he was in this situation now, he told himself, denying any responsibility for the punishment he had received from getting into a fight. Eren would not call him “horse face” and get away with it so easily, no matter how many times Jean would have to spend an afternoon picking hay or cleaning the stables. It had only been a few weeks since the training started, but Jean had already managed to get into a fight three times now. Not once had Jean regretted it.
Jean put down his tool for a moment to wipe the sweat away from his forehead. He walked into the stable and pulled some water from the well to pour some down his head to refresh; his whole shirt now drenched in sweat and water dripping from his hair.
After another minute, Jean dragged his feet back outside to continue working. He muttered a curse as he bent down to grab his tool, and when he looked up again he could see someone standing against the door of the stable. He recognized the man that had introduced himself as Marco a few days ago. He was a nice guy, but he talked too much, and Jean was not in the mood to talk at that moment.
Jean ignored him, and continued to work in silence for a while. His hands were beginning to feel tired, shaking every time he lifted another bunch of hay. He could still feel a pair of eyes on him all the time; it was beginning to get quite irritating. He quickly glanced at the man standing in the corner, who was staring straight at him with curious eyes.
“What are you looking at?” Jean grunted.
Marco stepped closer. “What are you doing?”
“What does it look like?” He grunted as he returned to work.
“Working?”
Jean rested his elbow on the shovel with a frustrated sigh, his eyes on the ground. The guy was either too stupid or innocent not to get the sarcasm of his comment. Either that, or he was the one falling for his games.
“If you are here to laugh at me or to convince me to apologize to Eren then-”
“Why would I laugh at you when you are having such a hard time?” Marco’s eyebrows furrowed in genuine confusion.
Jean looked up at him, studying his face carefully, as though waiting for him to laugh, trying to decide if he was being ironic. He then decided to stop trying and continued to work in silence.
Marco walked around him to grab another shovel, and began to work beside him.
“Hey- what do you think you are doing?”
With a breathy groan, Marco continued to work. “What does it look like?”
Jean’s eyebrows arched in surprise. We opened his mouth to argue, but his lips curved slightly upwards in a crooked smile instead. That was a good come back, he had to admit that much at least.
“You looked like you needed some help,” Marco said as he rolled his sleeves up now. Jean could not help staring at the muscles on Marco’s forearms. His first impression of Marco had not been of a tough guy. “I have nothing else to do. Besides, I’m getting lazy lately, I could use some exercise.”
Jean shrugged. He did not approve, yet he did not reject his help either.
“If you get injured I won’t take responsibility.” Jean teased as he got back to work, stealing a smile from him.
“It’s no problem for me…” Marco paused to catch his breath, a drop of sweat already gathering behind his neck. “I used to help my father at the farm before he passed away.”
Jean’s hands froze on his tool. “Sorry to hear that...”
Marco shook his head softly with a shy smile, yet said nothing. Jean watched him for another instant before he spoke.
“Was he…?”
“No.” Marco rushed to say, without stopping or turning to him. “It was not the titans. He was just ill, that’s all.”
Jean’s eyes were still fixed on Marco as he continued to work, now with a sudden rush of energy.
“Compared to other people, my dad had a peaceful death. I can’t even imagine how Eren feels. I was lucky. ”
“Lucky?” Jean flinched. There was something about Marco’s words and smile that disturbed him. It wasn’t the same smile as a moment ago, nor the same smile Marco usually wore, the one that sat soft and easy on his lips while cheering other people. This smile was tense and fake and only for himself when he thought nobody was watching.
Jean suddenly tossed his shovel to the ground. He walked to him with determination and took Marco’s tool away from him.
“Did you just call yourself lucky that your dad died from an illness?”
“I-” Marco’s jaw slightly dropped, speechless.
“Just because others have had it worse than you doesn’t mean you can’t allow yourself to feel sad, you know?”
Marco’s wide hazelnut eyes widened at him, as if afraid he had suddenly discovered some dark secret about him, as if he himself had just discovered that secret as well.
“I… I should go back now,” he said, his feet already moving away.
Jean watched Marco’s back as he disappeared behind the barracks. He shook his head in disapproval before he continued his last hours of work for the day
-
The next morning Jean was relieved his punishment was finally over. His shoulder and wrists were sore from yesterday’s harsh work, yet he refused to show any uncomfortness in front of Eren as he lined up with the rest of the cadets, waiting for Shadis’ instructions.
“Listen up you filthy brats!” Shadi’s voice was particularly harsh and loud that morning, making most cadets shake in distress. “You will be assigned a ten days training mission; your goal is but one...”
The man paused to scan with challenging eyes at every single one of them. Marco felt his eyes on him for what seemed like a longer time than the rest. He gulped, yet he stood his ground, determined not to be intimidated by him again. He watched Shadis grin from the corner of his eye.
“Your only goal will be to survive.” He finally said, and a round of loud gasps followed. “Listen to me! I haven’t explained anything yet, you good for nothing cowards. You’ll each take a partner and a map, heading into the direction indicated. No horses and no supplies.”
“What?!” Sasha cried. “You mean we can’t take any food with us?!”
“Quiet!” He now moved in front of her to glare with disdain. “I did not remember asking your opinion, potato girl!”
Jean snorted. He was the first to laugh, then the rest followed with a collective, quiet giggle.
Shadis instantly turned to him. “Perhaps mister Kiersten here is feeling too confident.” He sneered. “Thank you for volunteering. You may start now. Pick a partner and go.”
Jean flinched but said nothing. He looked around at the unwelcoming faces of the cadets he had been ignoring for most of his training. He seeked for someone, even one welcoming look, but nobody dared to make eye contact. There was a long, awkward silence before someone stepped forward.
“I’ll go with him.” Marco had said.
“So you do have some bravery in you after all, Bodt.” Shaid said, “Take the map and go. The rest of you, pair up and get in a line. Each pair will leave every thirty minutes..”
“Huh?!” Eren now stepped forward. “So we won’t even all go as a group?! You send us without supplies and we can’t help each other? What if we get lost and die?!”
Jean chuckled as he passed by Eren’s side. “Scared, brat?”
“You wish!” Eren’s jaw tightened, “I’ll get there before you do, you’ll see!”
“This isn’t a race, you idiots.” Shaid grunted. “Each pair has a different objective and location. You’ll know more once you get to the location on the map.”
Jean waited for Marco to bring a map, then stopped to whisper something at Eren before he continued. “See you at the finish line, I‘ll be waiting with a tissue for you to wipe your tears.”
Eren clenched his fists and bit his tongue. He grabbed Armin by the wrist and dragged him with him to the front of the line, ignoring Armin’s complaints.
Jean smiled with satisfaction as he began to walk away from the barracks and into the fields, Marco shaking his head by his side.
-
It was a particularly hot day. They were both quickly out of their jackets; sleeves rolled up and shirts glued to their backs with sweat. Cicadas echoed in the large pains, nothing but grass and rocks and a few lone trees in sight. They were both silent at first, then Marco listened to Jean’s complains about Shadis, about how unfair his punishments had been, about how stupid this whole mission was. They didn’t even have enough information, he kept saying, what would they even be tested for? Marco tried not to pay too much attention to it, focusing on reading the map until they reached a small forest.
“What are we even learning from this?” Said Jean, “We should be practicing with our gears. “Survive” he says. Survive what? There’s no titans over here.”
Annoyed by Marco’s silence, Jean turned to him to seek for agreement. “Hey, say something...” Jean paused when he realized Marco was several meters away. He waited for Marco to catch up, watching him pant until he reached his side.
“What were you saying?” Marco asked, still catching his breath.
Jean scoffed. “Nevermind. Let’s take a quick break.”
“Why?” Marco said in haste. “I’m not tired, I’m fine.”
Jean ignored him and walked towards a tree, searching for refuge from the heat under its shade. Marco sighed with resignation and joined his side under the tree.
“According to this map we should have reached the river by now.” Said Marco, moving closer to Jean for him to see the map.
“Let’s see?” Jean scooted over to hold one side of the map, and as he did, his knee brushed against Marco’s.
Marco recoiled, his gaze fixed on Jean’s serious face as he focused on studying the map. Marco gulped, a sudden feeling of unease fluttered in his stomach.
“It’s because you are reading it wrong.” Jean said, his voice serious yet calm. “It’s upside down.”
Marco cleared his throat and turned his gaze to the map, still distracted. “W-what?”
“The map.” Jean’s voice was severe as he turned the map. “It’s upside down.”
“Huh?” Marco’s eyes widened in concern.
“No wonder we couldn’t hear anyone behind us.”
“No…” Marco brought a hand to his forehead. “Don’t tell me we will have to start again...”
“Whatever.” Jean said, folding the map to put it away. “We’ll get there anyway sooner or later.” He said, and settled with his back against the ground. “Better start soon. I don't want to be out here when the night falls. This shouldn’t take more than a few hours according to the distances in the map.”
“I can keep going-“
“Just lie down and get some rest, will you?” Jean said as he closed his eyes. “Save your energy, you’ll need it later.”
Marco closed his eyes with regret and sighed. This was why he should leave leadership to others, he told himself. If only he could be half as thoughtful as Jean…
-
It was almost sundown by the time they finally reached the river; a soft reddish gleam began to fade behind the horizon.
Once close enough to the river, Jean stopped to look at the map again, and opened it in front of Marco for him to see.
“The point we are supposed to reach is right across it,” he pointed at the red circle marked on the map. His gaze went from the map to the large body of water between them and the land across.
“This has to be a mistake.” Said Jean, eyes following the stream with caution. “There’s no way we can cross this safely.”
Marco continued towards the river to stand at the edge. He observed the rocks at the bottom through the crystal clear water, and measured the depth with his sight. He removed his boots, and dipped one feet in.
“Hey!” Jean ran to him, alarmed as he heard Marco scream. “Be careful! You can’t just jump into things like that! You don’t even know what’s in there!”
Marco turned to him and forced a smile, his teeth visibly chattering.
“It’s fine. It’s just really cold.” He said. “It’s not too deep, and there’s barely any current. We can easily swim across.”
Jean scowled at the idea of venturing into unknown waters. He stood at the edge of the river, staring at it, skeptical. It did look quite still, he admitted. But his concern was more about the depth and any strange animals living there. He watched the small ripples forming around a rock for a while longer, following the hypnotic flow of the water with his eyes.
“Come one,” he heard Marco say, and he turned to find him already stripped out of his clothes.
“What are you-” Jean’s eyes widened at Marco’s firm chest, perfect olive skin dripping in sweat. Jean went suddenly speechless.
“You don’t want to get your clothes wet,” he smiled at him casually, “Just hold them over your head as we cross.”
“We don’t know how deep it is,” Jean argued, looking away as Marco now removed his underwear. “What if we lose our clothes? I’m not going to walk around naked out there.”
“I’ll be fine.”
There was a loud splash and Jean instantly turned to find Marco standing with the water up to his neck.
“It’s freezing!” Marco whined in pain, clasping the fabric from his clothes tightly over his head. “Jean hurry up!”
Jean’s hands began to sweat. He could not hide his fear any longer.
“I can’t!” He yelled in distress, watching Marco reach the other side.
“What?” Marco yelled back, unsure if he had heard him.
“I-” Jean’s knees were now shaking. “I can’t swim!”
Marco now put the clothes down on a rock at the edge of the river. “You don’t have to!” he said, walking back his way. “Just walk! Get in, I’ll help you!”
Jean took one deep breath.
“Fuck it,” he muttered, and gathered the strenght to revome his clothes, folding them over his head as he moved to the edge. He dipped one foot, and the cold cut him like a knife through his foot. His toes curled, instantly rejecting the water, and he moved back again.
“Fuck no, there’s no way I’m doing this.” He grunted.
Marco was almost back by Jean’s side now. “Just get in at once! You’ll get used to it after a while!”
With the sight of Marco in front of him, he was suddenly reminded he was standing completely naked. He discreetly brought a hand to cover himself, feeling the slightest burn on his cheeks now.
Marco could read his face, and looked away into the horizon; the last traces of daylight hiding behind it. They were left in complete silence except for the soft flow of the water, a relaxing sound if it weren't for the cold now numbing Marco’s limbs. He watched the sunset in silence for another second, and refused to move or turned to Jean until he jumped in. One of the things Marco hated the most was to make people uncomfortable. He could tell Jean was embarrassed and scared, but he needed to think of something to make him move before they both froze there.
“Do you really want to let Eren win this one so easily?” Marco finally said.
His words were like fuel to Jean’s competitive spirit.
“No way!” He said, finally taking a step to jump into the water.
“Shit!” Jean gasped desperately at the cold against his warm skin; his feet slippery against the stones. He left his clothes on the ground as he gripped the grass growing beside the river, refusing to let go.
“You are already in!” cheered him Marco.
“Shut up!” he grunted, his eyes shut hard in a big effort not to flip at him. Marco’s excessive optimism was the least he wanted at that moment.
Seeing that Jean wouldn’t move, Marco walked closer to stand behind him. Jean did not seem to notice until he felt Marco’s hand gripping his; Marco’s chest warm against his back under the freezing water. Only then Jean opened his eyes.
“I’ll help you to the other side, let’s go.” Marco’s voice was soft and warm against his neck, and Jean’s stomach dropped. His hands finally let go.
“W-wait...my clothes…” Jean said in a stuttering whisper, still shaking.
“I’ll come back for them after I help you cross.”
Jean slowly turned to face him. Marco’s smile was warm and comforting and distracting. Too distracting. Jean grabbed his hand and let Marco guide him towards the other side slowly.
After a few steps, Jean decided it wasn’t as bad as he thought. The water was up to his shoulders, and he could finally take confident steps. The sky was now nearly black behind the trees, and a full, silver moon reflected on the water. Jean almost thought it pleasant, if it wasn't for the cold digging into his bones.
“It wasn’t that bad, was it?” Marco was staring at him with a soft smile. “You seem to be enjoying it now.”
Jean chuckled. “I wouldn’t say as much as to enjoy-”
Jean’s foot slipped, and he suddenly sank into the water. He held on to Marco’s arms tightly, pulling him down with him, and they were now both sinking.
“Jean, stop moving! Calm down.” Marco tried to ease him, gasping for air. He kept both of them afloat until Jean stopped flapping his arms.
“I hate this.” He said, catching his breath; his hands now stubbornly attached to Marco’s shoulder’s.
Marco could see a faint shade of pink on Jean’s face. He restrained a smile, and tried his best to resist staring at him.
“We are almost there.” Marco said, then let go of Jean so he could crawl out of the water and onto the other side. He turned around. “I’ll get your clothes.”
Jean watched him move away, his eyes fixed on Marco’s broad shoulders, and he noticed the same freckles on his face went all the way down to the end of his back.
It was when Marco turned to him that Jean looked away.
He waited there for him, shivering, turning to face the forest now. A bright, full-moon now rose above them, and Jean was able to see a small trail among the trees.
“Here,” Marco said from behind him as he handed his clothes back.
Jean took them without turning to him, too embarrassed to face him, then they both continued to get dressed.
“There’s a trail.” Said Jean as he finished buttoning his shirt. He pulled the map out, and confirmed the direction in which they should be going.
Marco turned towards the trail, his eyes sharpened at the sight of a small cottage at the distance.
“That’s the spot!” He said, and his smile was wide with the satisfaction of having a roof over their heads on that cold night.
Marco was the first one to take a step forward, venturing into the woods slowly but without hesitation. Jean followed right behind, and they continued for a few metres in silence.
Jean’s gaze remained low, his mind wandering elsewhere; the skin on his waist still itching where Marco’s hands had been a moment ago. After a while, Jean’s feet stopped all of a sudden.
I’m an idiot, he told himself, realizing he hadn’t even thanked him.
“Marco,” he said, and waited for Marco to stop and turn to him. “Thank you. That was very kind of you.”
He could see Marco’s face gain some colour, even under the dim light.
“Don’t worry about it,” His voice was soft, his smile shy. “It’s nothing, I would have done the same for anyone. I’m sure you would have done the same.”
Jean began to walk again. “Just take a compliment, damn it.” he said, wrapping an arm around his neck. “You won’t hear that from me too often.”
Marco chuckled, flattered, holding on to Jean’s wrist still over his shoulder.
“Thanks,” he muttered before they both continued towards the cottage.
The door was old and the lock was rusty. The wood on the outside had been taken over by thick vines, which made the building seem even older than it probably was. Jean wiggled the doorknob to find it was already unlocked. He pushed the door open and went inside with caution.
There were no curtains covering the shattered windows; the wind howled through the holes in the wall. A silver gleam brightened the half-furnished living room, guiding Jean towards a table where an old lantern lay.
“Looks abandoned,” Marco observed, watching Jean scrambling around the messy table for some matches.
“You think so?” he said, ironically, then a smile stretched on his face when he was finally able to light the lantern. “There we go.”
Over the table they could see now a stack of papers and a few other half-torn maps, yellowed and dusted with the pass of time.
“Look,” Marco pointed at a note pinned to the table with a small knife.
Jean read it out loud:
“Survive here for ten days. Do not leave this post before that.”
There was a moment of silence, then Jean flipped the paper as if looking for more information in the back of it.
“That’s it?” Marco said, now taking the paper, doing the exact same thing. “Just that? Just survive?”
“There has to be a joke, this is stupid.” Said Jean, now sitting on the floor.
Marco laid the paper back on the table and relaxed by his side.
“Not really,” he said, thoughtful. “It makes sense if you think about it. We may encounter a situation like this out there if we want to retake wall Maria, and we’ll have to be able to survive several days in the ruined villages without food.”
Jean’s eyebrows drew together. How did he not think of that? Marco was clearly more prepared for the real thing out there.
“Why should I care?” Jean scoffed. “I’m not going into the Survey Corps anyway.”
“Neither am I.”
They exchanged a long, challenging glare for another moment, then Marco suddenly moved back to sneeze.
“Great, now you are sick.” Jean sighed, then removed his jacket to throw it over Marco’s shoulders. “And it’s all because I can’t swim.”
“I’m sure it’s nothing,” Marco’s voice was nasal as he sniffed. “I'll feel better after I sleep.”
“You would if we had proper beds.” Jean said as he got on his feet. ”Which I doubt we do.”
He offered his hand to help Marco up, and they continued to explore the rest of the place; Jean in the front with the lanter, Marco right behind him.
There were only two other small rooms; one the bathroom, the other small and completely empty.
“Of course,” Jean sighed, disappointed. Despite what he said, he still had the slightest hope they would find at least one bed.
Before he could say anything else, Marco had given him his jacket back, and moved to settle on the floor with his back against the wall. Jean moved towards him and threw the jack back at his face.
“Hey-” Marco protested.
“Keep it.” Jean said with a serious face, his eyes screamed guilt. “I’ll go see if I can find some blankets at least.”
“Thank you.” Marco said, his eyes already closing in exhaustion, his head nodding as soon as Jean left.
Jean didn’t have to look for too long to discover there were no blankets. Why would he even think there would be any in the first place if there was no bed? The only thing he could find was an old dress and some children’s shorts.
“Of course…” he whispered to himself, then he lay on the floor on the other corner of the room. He covered Marco with the dress, and crumpled the shorts into a pillow, then turned on his side. He could at least make the attempt to sleep.
-
Marco was still sleeping when Jean woke up the next morning; the sun hit him right in the face through the window. With a long jawn and tearing eyes, Jean began to stretch, ready to face another day of torture. It would all be worth it when he would finally be living quietly as part of the Military Police Brigade, he kept telling himself to endure it.
“Hey, Marco,” he turned to shake him softly. Yet Marco did not respond.
“Marco?” he called again, this time louder.
Marco winced in pain, heavy eyelids slightly moving.
Jean noticed his face was burning red. He brought a hand to Marco’s forehead to feel his temperature.
“You’re burning.” He said. “Fuck, I knew it...”
Marco lay his head down again, too weak to reply. Jean felt his face with his palmagain, gently placing a hand over his cheek, his other hand on Marco’s chest.
“You are shivering.” Jean’s eyebrows were knitted with concern. “Fuck- I’m taking you back to the barracks. This is ridiculous. Screw Shadis and his stupid training.”
“No-” Marco took one of Jean’s hands between his. “I just need some rest.” He said in a weak, raspy voice; his breath shallow.
Jean’s heart raced with anger, yet said nothing. Even if they wanted to go back, Marco didn’t have the strength to make the walk. He held Marco’s hand until he fell asleep again, then slowly moved to find something to gather some water for him.
-
Jean spent the rest of the morning searching for food out in the woods. There weren’t many fruit trees around to pick from, but he was able to gather some blackberries, and there was an abundance of fish in the river. If only he were a better fisherman or hunter, he thought with regret as he stared at the two small catches he brought back. It would have been better to be paired up with Sasha, he thought. The girl annoyed him, no doubt, but at least she would have come in handy for this mission.
He checked on Marco every other hour in the afternoon, making sure he would eat and drink water, but the fever was still not going down.
“We’ll have to lower your temperature,” Said Jean as he helped Marco sit up for a drink of water. He could feel his back covered in sweat. “We need to get you out of these wet clothes.”
Marco did as much as a nod, and Jean began to unbutton his shirt. Marco sat still with his eyes closed, his body fully compliant to Jean’s hands.
“I’ll need you to help me…” Jean said, throwing Marco’s arms over his own shoulders to help him up. Once on his feet, Marco held on to Jean with one arm and removed his pants with the other.
Jean’s eyes were fixed on the ceiling, the heat from Marco’s body was too overwhelming.
“Okay…” Marco managed to say once he was finished, now standing only in his under.
“Everything,” Jean insisted. “I’ll just go wash everything in the river and come back.”
“What am I going to do until then?” Marco complained, still panting.
Jean’s eyebrows lifted as he turned to the dress lying on the floor
“...I’m not going to wear that.”
“Oh, so now you have the strength to complain?”
Marco glared at him.
“It’s either that or the shorts,” he said with a smirk. “And I doubt your ass can even fit in them.”
Marco’s face was now impossibly red.
Jean bent down to get the dress for him.
Marco gathered his strength to snatch the dress away from him. “If you tell anyone-”
“Who am I going to tell?” Jean laughed ironically. “Eren?”
Marco eyed him with skepticism as he threw the dress over his head. “Don’t you dare look.”
Jean sighed, and gazed up at the ceiling with a serious face. “Why would I make fun of you when you are having such a hard time?”
Marco’s eyes widened in surprise at the honesty of his words, yet he remained silent.
“I’ll go wash this now.” Said Jean as he picked Marco’s soaked clothes up. “They shouldn’t take long to dry out there in the heat. I’ll be back soon.”
“Thank you.” He said, now lying on the floor again.
Jean did not peak once, even though he was dying with curiosity.
“It’s the least I could do.”
-
On the trunk of a thick tree beside the house, Jean had carved markings for each day that passed. That morning he carved an eight line with a grin on his face. They only had a few days left.
Now that Marco had recovered, everything went quite smoothly. They would take turns to fish and cook, although it was mostly Jean who did the cooking. Marco turned out to be a better hunter, to Jean’s surprise. There wasn't much he could do for the culinary arts with such little ingredients, but he had now mastered several ways of cooking fish, at least. His mother would be proud, he thought, planning to cook some fish stew for her next time he visited. Perhaps when she saw he was able to cook then she would understand he was no longer a boy.
Whenever they were not cooking or searching for food, they would both go on long walks. Sometimes in silence; others, they would talk about the weather or the training. Most of the time it was Jean complaining about either of those two, or both, and Marco listening carefully with a smile.
When the sun was up at noon, Marco would insist they go refresh themselves in the river. Jean would argue otherwise at first, watching Marco bathe from a distance. Then he would sit at the edge, dipping only his feet to keep him company.
“Come in, I can teach you how to swim.”
“No thank you, I’m perfectly fine from here.” Jean said, his bare back burning now under the sun.
“Seriously,” Marco insisted, looking up at him as he stood in front. “I can teach you.”
“I said no.” Jean kicked his feet away from Marco’s hands, now aiming at his ankles.
Marco bit his lower lip and a smile played on his face.
“Marco…” Jean threatened him. “Marco, don’t you dare- I’m serious-”
Before he could protest any further, Marco had dragged him inside the water. Jean kicked and wailed in endless complaints while Marco laughed, hiding his face into Jean’s neck to avoid his hands slapping him; Marco’s hands were tight around Jean’s waist. After a while, Jean’s complaints turned into frustrated chuckles, and they both shook together in laughter.
Once he was able to stand, Jean stopped resisting, his arms giving in to settle around Marco’s neck.
Their cheeks brushed together softly, and Marco felt that sudden fluttering again. He looked up, his arms still around Jean’s waist. The moment their eyes met, Marco was suddenly out of breath. Jean was staring at him with serious eyes now, his breath warm against his lips, and Marco was not able to think anymore.
“Hey, Marco,” Jean said, his eyes now fixed on his lips, “I wanted to ask you something.”
Marco recoiled, his heart stopped for a second.
“Yes?” he said, stepping away a little.
Jean hesitated another moment before he spoke. His gaze was low now, and his voice soft with a hint of saddness.
“Why did you volunteer to pair up with me?”
“Hmm.” Marco’s gaze wandered upwards at the clear blue sky in a thoughtful expression.
Jean scoffed. “Just so you know, I don’t want anyone hanging around just out of pity.”
Marco shook his head softly, then planned his words carefully.
“After what you said the other day at the stables…I thought we weren’t too different. And I thought we could get along.”
Jean observed him in silence for another moment, unable to decide if his words were honest. To him, Marco was all he would never be able to be. Kind and brave and selfless. How could they ever be alike?
“Anyway,” Jean finally said. “I’m glad you did.”
Marco watched him crawl out of the water in silence.
“Ugh,” Jean clicked his tongue at his wet pants glued to his legs. “I’ll have to dry them before sundown.”
“Well,” Marco grinned at him. “Looks like it’s your turn with the dress.”
-
Once they’d eaten and Jean’s clothes were dry, Marco and Jean decided to have a bonfire to celebrate the end of their mission. The night was clear and the stars shone bright over violet skies. One large star shone brighter than the others, it’s red gleam reflected on the river in front of them. They sat in front of the fire next to each other, listening to the water in the distance, relaxing at the wood cracking as it was slowly consumed by the flames.
Jean watched Marco’s face glow with curiosity under the warm light of the embers consuming the wood that kept them warm, fascinated by Marco’s eager expression as he contemplated the sky.
“What do you think they are?” Asked Marco with a smile.
“What?” Jean said, distracted, his eyes had been on Marco the whole time.
“The stars... What do you think they are?”
Jean then looked up to the sky to find small dots blinking above them .
“Lights, of course. What else would they be?”
Marco chuckled, and Jean’s gaze went to Marco’s perfect teeth, watching him as he laughed at his own thoughts, full lips curved upwards in a shy smile.
“Why? What do you think they are?”
“It’s silly.” Marco said, lying on his back with his hands under his head as a pillow.
“I won’t laugh, I promise,” Jean said in haste, and before he could think he had lied by his side.
“Well,” his freckles blurred into the reddish glow that now took over his face. “I think… maybe they’re the spirits of our ancestors, watching over us.”
With his eyes still glued on him, Jean had to bite on his own lip to restrain a smile.
“It’s not silly,” he said, unable to hide his smile now. He thought Marco’s naive way of thinking particularly endearing.
“You said you wouldn’t laugh!” Marco elbowed him.
“I wasn't laughing at you.” Jean caught his arm with a wide smile.
“Then why are you smiling like an idiot?” Marco was smiling too, even though he wasn’t sure why.
Jean’s smile became harder and harder to hold the closer he drew to him. When they were close enough to feel each other’s breath, Marco suddenly turned to look up at the sky again.
Jean cleared his throat before he spoke. “I mean, we don’t know for sure what the stars really are. We may never know.”
Another moment passed, and they both gasped when a shooting star crossed the sky above them.
“Do you think my father is watching over me right now?” Marco’s voice was now serious. “I want to believe so. I’m sure your ancestors are watching over you as well.”
Jean wasn’t sure how to reply without sounding too corny.
“I didn’t know you were so superstitious. You are starting to sound like one of those priests,” he teased. “Are you sure you chose the right career?”
Marco replied with a soft slap against Jean’s chest. Jean grabbed his hand, and they both laughed together briefly.
Marco now turned to face him; their heads were only a few centimeters apart, noses brushing together. Marco’s perfect smile now faded as his eyes shifted to Jean’s lips. Jean’s hand was still around his, now clutching it hard to pull him closer.
Jean’s gaze went from Marco’s eyes to his lips several times; his lips slightly parted in a quiet gasp, speechless as he thought of Marco’s hand around his waist again, of his own hands against Marco’s bare skin.
He closed his eyes, and felt Marco’s forehead against his. Before they could think, their lips were pressed together in a soft kiss. The warmth from Marco’s mouth was comforting, his lips as soft as his hands, now running up and down Jean’s back. Jean cupped his face to deepen the kiss, tongues now searching for comfort in each other’s mouth.
It was Jean the first one to pull away to catch his breath, his knitted eyebrows still against Marco’s forehead. Marco pressed their lips together one last time before he moved away the slightest.
Jean’s eyes widened as he watched Marco attempting to get up; still confused by what had just happened.
“Wait-” Jean urged, taking Marco in his arms to make his stay. Marco remained still and silent for a moment, as confused and anxious as Jean was.
“We’ll catch a cold if we stay here.” Marco muttered into Jean’s chest, but his hands were pulling at the back of Jean’s shirt to keep him close, the warmth from Jean’s body pulling him in.
“Nah,” Jean smiled, even though Marco could not see him. “Our ancestors will watch over us and protect us. Let’s stay like this a little longer.”
Marco buried his face into Jean’s neck now. “Then let’s stay like this for longer than that...”
“Jean?” Armin’s faint voice in the distance had brought Jean back from a long dream.
Jean opened his eyes to find himself in the middle of an open field; the warm breeze of the Marleyan nights tangling his long hair. The bonfire that was keeping them warm was now almost out, and the stars shone bright in the clear sky.
He had probably dozed off for at least half an hour, he guessed, suddenly aware of his surroundings. He took a deep breath and ran a hand through his face; only then realizing how much his beard had grown. He was in certain need for a trim, he thought, brushing his hair back. He adjusted the straps over his skin-tight armor, and cracked his neck, readying himself to face what he expected to be a long night.
“Are you ready?” Armin was sitting by his side. “Mikasa and the rest must be waiting.”
Jean nodded, even though he knew wasn’t ready. He never was. Even after everything that happened, he was never ready to take someone’s life. He would never be.
Jean sat up with his elbows over his knees ; his gaze wandered upwards, lost in the starry night.
Armin watched Jean in silence for a moment. After so many years, it was too easy for him to read Jean’s concerned face. Armin closed a hand around Jean’s first; feeling his tense knuckles relaxing under his touch. Then Armin too looked up at the sky to watch the stars.
“Do you remember that time when Shadis sent us on that mission?” Armin said with a faint smile. “I remember I argued with Eren that whole week. It was a nightmare.”
“Yeah,” Jean sighed, the corner of his lips curving slightly up in a nostalgic smile. “The sky looked exactly the same as tonight.”
Armin’s eyes were fixed on the bright red star shining right over them.
Jean followed the heap of stars crowding along the milky way with his eyes.
“And yet tonight nothing is like those days.” Said Armin.
Jean brought his other hand around Armin’s now.
“What do you think they are?” Jean’s voice was harsh on his throat now, hardened by the years. “The stars, I mean.”
“Hmm,” Armin tipped his head back in a thoughtful expression. “According to the Marleyan science, they’re some type of mass up in the sky that travels to us as light. Apparently most of what we see now has died years ago.”
Jean turned to look at him, watching Armin’s wide blue eyes gleam with fascination as he stared at the sky.
“I don’t really understand it yet, but it’s fascinating…” Armin said, “I mean, to think there may be other planets out there. Not too long ago we thought we were the only society living on this planet. Yet here we are now, discovering a whole different continent, different countries and civilizations that have existed for many years.”
Jean smiled, then looked up to the stars again. “You know, this may be silly… but I’d like to believe the stars are the spirits of our loved ones watching over us.”
It had been a while since he hadn't heard Armin laugh so sincerely. “I like that idea much better I have to admit.”
There was another moment of silence before Jean spoke again.
“Do you think Marco is up there watching over us?”
“I’m sure he is. And I bet Eren and Sasha are right beside him, watching over us too.”
At that moment, they heard the sudden crush of footsteps against the leaves and twigs on the ground behind them. Armin turned to find Connie and Mikasa walking their way.
“What are we looking at?” Said Connie, turning to search for something up in the sky. He took a seat by Jean’s side, and Mikasa joined them around the fire as well.
“We were just remembering that awful week when Shadis sent us on that ridiculous survival mission.” Said Armin.
“Oh, man,” Connie whined. “Don’t even remind me. It was a complete disaster. I had to drag Sasha around the whole time. She was complaining so much because she was so hungry.”
“Yes. I remember we argued,” Mikasa turned to Armin. “I was mad at you and Eren at first for teaming up together and leaving me alone with Annie. But we worked surprisingly well together. We had a lot of fun.”
“Yeah, that was fun.” Said Jean, watching a shooting star fade into the darkness of the night as fast as it had appeared before his eyes.
“Look,” Said Connie, pointing at a bright, reddish dot that stood out among the rest. “I remember seeing that same big star during that week of our training!”
“I think it’s a planet.” Said Armin. “It can only be seen at this time of the year.”
“A planet?” Connie’s eyebrows furrowed in confusion.
“I’ve seen it many times before,” Said Mikasa with a smile. “As a child, I used to lie on the grass with my parents, and we would find shapes among the stars as a game.”
“Let’s play!” Connie pointed at a set of stars, the biggest and brightest of them all. “Ha! That one over there looks like Eren!”
“No, no.” Jean debated, fully convinced of his own words. “That’s definitely Sasha. Always loud and the centre of attention. Eren barked a lot but he was small, and kinder than he thought he was.”
The rest let out a brief laugh in agreement.
All four friends stared at the sky for a while longer in complete silence; the firewood reduced to ashes and charcoal now.
“Well,” Armin was the first one to stand up. He offered his hand to help Jean up. “I think it’s time we head back. Miss Azumabito must be waiting.”
“Yeah,” Jean took his hand and a grin stretched over his face. “Time to end this war.”