Chapter Text
Upon further thought, this probably wasn’t the best idea.
Then again, thinking had never been Skeppy’s forte.
Oh well. He’d come too far to go back now. Besides, he thought, a little friendly trolling never hurt anyone, right?
Yeah.
—
The doors of the cafe were glass, and he could see everything they sold. Cupcakes, doughnuts, sweet breads, muffins.... They had a lot of muffins. There was even a coffee machine in the back.
Skeppy opened the door and stepped inside. The smell of coffee and baked goods immediately assaulted his nose. It wasn’t unpleasant, just sudden. He breathed it in. The smell reminded him of when he and his mother would bake together in the mornings. He felt a familiar pang of homesickness in his chest.
“Oh, hello!” a voice at the register said. Skeppy’s head snapped up. “Welcome to Munchy Cafe! What can I get for you?”
It’s now or never.
“Uh, actually, I heard you were hiring?” He gestured to the piece of paper on the door. The man’s eyes immediately brightened and he felt a twinge of guilt at what he was planning.
“Oh my goodness, that’s wonderful!” He looked at his coworker, who was busy measuring out ingredients. “Hey, Sam! I’m going to my office for a bit! Take care of the store for me!” Sam sent a thumbs up in response. He turned to Skeppy. “Alright, come with me!”
Oh god. He seemed so happy. Was Skeppy the only applicant? Surely not, right? He was beginning to regret what he was planning.
“So,” Skeppy said, ignoring the guilt in his stomach. “I heard you guys had the best muffins in town?”
“Mhm! Obviously, we have other things too, but muffins are our specialty!” Skeppy hummed in response. A bright green muffin caught his eye.
“What’s this?” he asked, pointing to the muffin. It had a smiley face on a toothpick sticking out of the top. It was cute, but looked strangely out of place next to the other normal-coloured muffins.
“Oh! That’s the Dream muffin,” he said. “I’d originally made it for a friend as a joke, but he ended up liking it, and so did everyone else that tried it,” he added, seeing the look on Skeppy’s face.
Skeppy nodded. “What’s it taste like?”
“It’s just a pistachio-spinach muffin.”
“A what.”
“What do you mean? We have to get the green colour somehow.”
Spinach? In a muffin?
“That’s fucking disgusting.”
“Wh—HEY! Language! And don’t knock it ‘til you try it!”
“You guys are so weird,” Skeppy said. The man huffed and turned around. Skeppy could have sworn he heard the word “muffinhead” being muttered. Skeppy raised an eyebrow. He opened his mouth to ask, but they’d already arrived at the office.
“Come in,” he said, opening the door. Skeppy walked in and took a seat. His eyes wandered around the room, taking it all in. It was surprisingly cozy.
Snacks littered the shelves and a white mini fridge hummed in the corner, right next to a small couch with a pillow and throw blanket. It was like a small home. Almost. Massive stacks of paper were scattered around the huge desk in front of him. Just looking at it gave him anxiety. Had this guy ever heard of filing cabinets?
The chair squeaked as the guy sat down.
“So!” He took out a small packet of papers and a notebook. “Let’s begin with the interview!”
Skeppy smiled, stuffing down the guilt in his stomach. This was going to be fun.
“Alright, first question: what’s your name?”
“Huh?”
“It’s common courtesy to know the names of potential employees, don’t you think?” he teased. Skeppy huffed. So this was what it was going to be like, huh? He smiled.
“Skeppy.”
“Nice to meet you, Skeppy. I’m Badboyhalo, but you can just call me Bad.”
Badboyhalo. What a strange name.
“Could I have you write down your contact information?” He slid the packet over to Skeppy. “We need a way to contact you in case you get the job.”
“Oh, you won’t be needing that.”
“What?”
“Nothing, nothing.” He took the pen from Bad and wrote down his number and email.
“Thank you.” He took back the pen and papers and flipped to the next page. “Next question: why did you decide to apply?”
Ah, finally. Now the real fun could begin.
“Well...” Skeppy pretended to think. “I thought this would be a good experience for me.” Bad nodded and started writing in the notebook. “I also thought it’d be a good way to get job experience for my resume.” He nodded again, taking more notes.
“Do you have any experience with cooking—more specifically baking?”
“Well, I, uh... I don’t really cook much.” Bad stopped writing to look up at him.
“So you order in?”
“Yeah...” Skeppy looked away. He felt a bit pathetic admitting that, especially in front of the guy that owned an entire bakery.
“That’s fine! I’m sure Sam and the others would be glad to teach you,” he said, smiling. He seemed like he was actually looking forward to Skeppy working with them. Skeppy kept avoiding eye contact. The guilt was slowly creeping back, and it didn’t feel good.
“What would you say people’s general opinion of you is? How would your friends describe you?”
There was his chance. Before the guilt could fully latch on, he answered: “They’d say I’m the best, funniest person they’d ever met.”
“Oh?” He clicked his pen and gestured for Skeppy to keep going.
“Actually, everyone I’ve ever met loves me. They always tell me that I’m their favourite person and they wish that they could talk to me every day.”
“I see...” He started scribbling in his notebook. Skeppy looked over and read what he wrote.
Cocky.
Wow. Guess it’s time to pull out the big memes.
“What would you say is your greatest strength? What can you bring to the bakery?”
Perfect.
“Uhh, I’d say ping spoofing,” Skeppy said, failing to keep the smile off his face.
“Wait, what?”
—
A few minutes later, Sam could have sworn he heard screaming coming from Bad’s office. He ignored it. Not in the kitchen, not his problem.