Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“So, so you think you can tell Heaven from Hell?”

-Wish You Were Here by Pink Floyd

Hades was many things. A god, a lord, a judge, a king, and if you listened closely to the homilies from the priests when they placed coins on the eyes of a mortal who would never open them again, or when stories are whispered around after dark long after the hearth was put out and the darkness of shadows was too much to bear, he was the devil. Plain and simple. But even devils can dream of heaven.

For as long as he could remember, Hades had sought the seat of heaven ever since he was cast out of its pearly gates only to be locked down far beneath the earth to lord over a bleak, lifeless kingdom while his own brothers enjoyed the sea and the sky and all the wonders their respective kingdoms held. From the sea creatures that playfully rode upon the waves to the birds who took flight in the open-sky. The two eldest brothers lorded over realms where the earth was in their periphery and the sun graced their kingdom with his warm, inviting rays.

But what did he receive, dear reader?

Hades had a kingdom alright, his own personal hell, filled to the brim with the restless and moaning dead, and after eons of toiling at his thankless job, the god was at his breaking point. Yes, Zeus had promised him a kingdom to rule in thanks for his help defeating the Titans, but since he drew the shortest lot, he was given the least of the three lands.

Over the eons, Hades wrestled with the tedious job of ruling the Underworld giving it his all and just like Zeus had done in restoring peace to the cosmos, Hades established order to the restless land of the dead. A tall order because unlike other kingdoms that could handle themselves, this land came with a high maintenance that lesser, lazy, simple-minded gods would be erroneously unprepared for.

For Hades, it took him several millennia to get the Underworld fully operational, but after everything fell into place, boredom and monotony began to pick away at the stringent lord of the dead. He had returned to Olympus finally after an eon away, hoping at last for the welcoming arms of his family and their praise for accomplishing the impossible. Instead, he found that after being locked away for so long, the stench of death and decay hung heavily upon him and his robes. His once shining aura that signified his status as a god had lost its radiance.

His return had only incurred cold shoulders and even colder side glances the way they turned their faces away. His own face was lost amid the sea of a new generation of gods that began to crop up after the Titanomachy. At one point, he had been the youngest, but now that title was stripped away and handed over to a round ruddy baby who looked more like a grape than an actual godling.

Those passes, those glares, Hades began to grow indignant at the way they ignored him. At how they shuddered away from him at his mere presence, but the one god who didn’t show an inkling of disdain was the very god who had set him upon his path.

Zeus had been so thrilled to see him again. He had often wondered why his baby brother had not been around, but he didn’t try to reach out to him with a whole earth to distract him and a new race of intelligent beings with even lovelier daughters to lord over. A distraction that passed the time far more than he ever cared to notice.

And it was this realization that set Hades over the edge.

How could you forget him? Had he not realized how long he had been gone? How much he worked to bring order while Zeus crafted an existence with luxuries and played with an earth full of wonders while he toiled away without even the smallest thanks or reprieve?

The one attempt- the one single attempt Zeus had done of interfering with his life in order to make amends had gone abysmally. For that, Hades could never forgive him for his sorry attempt at reconciliation. Of creating a bridge that would have surely connected him back to Olympus had Zeus not forgotten a glaring detail that backfired in both god’s faces.

Maybe that event was what truly pushed Hades over the edge, but ever since, he had been meticulously planning to somehow gain access to the world he had been cast out of. To rule on high at the highest rung of the cosmos and have everything Zeus had taken away from him and show him how it felt like.

Hades had crafted scheme after scheme to somehow steal the throne of heaven from the very brother who had appointed him king of this necropolis. Some schemes seemed to work at the beginning- like when he had tricked the Olympians into taking a dip into the waters of Lethe, or when he had tried to put them all into a permanent sleep during a drama festival. Yet they all turned out to be flukes because of one recurring theme.

His snooping, wanna-be-hero, but actual zero of a nephew, Hercules.

That little yutz always managed to get in the way. Somehow, wrecking his plans and leaving him to the mercy of his big bro, who never seemed to be an arm’s throw away from a lightning bolt.

How Hercules managed to stay alive this long after being turned mortal, no thanks to his imps who couldn’t finish the easiest job, was a wonder to to the lord of the dead. Yet ever since he found out his nephew was still kicking, he made it his prime objective to get Hercules under his permanent custody if you catch his drift.

However, for all his courage and up-standing nature, at the end of the day, Hercules was still a guy, and a teenage one at that. And if Hades knew anything about teenagers, he was bound to slip eventually.

He would just have to sit back and watch. And as a god renowned for reading how the players moved on the board, Hades could always anticipate when someone was about to make a wrong move. This time, however, he was completely unprepared for how divinely his nephew had messed up.

All on a day that felt like any other.

The day had progressed as usual in the Underworld. Souls came piling in slower than usual, no thanks to the warmer seasons rolling out the green carpet topside, while he sat contemplating his place at the bottom of the cosmos on his obsidian throne.

When suddenly a frazzled soul came into view. His wonky eyes desperately searched for an escape, but already the pull of the Underworld was upon him and could do nothing to escape its grasp as it snagged him away into the downward staircases that emanated an eerie green glow from where a sign listing the number of souls served hung above.

For a second, the dread lord of the dead could’ve sworn he’d seen that face somewhere, but after serving billions of souls for eons, why would one face stick out in an ocean of insignificant shades?

“Another ding, bada bing…” Hades boredly lamented, his eyes nearly glazing over at how banal his day was turning out.
Ever since spring cropped up, his numbers had been dropping significantly day by day to the point where he’d get a single soul almost every hour like clockwork, but even that average was starting to dwindle. “Thrills. I’m absolutely thrilled over here.”

What are we at? Four today? Hades boredly rolled his eyes before a rush of resolve began to build traction inside him faster than fleet-footed Atalanta. He couldn’t take one more second of this, he needed action and pronto!

“Who can I kick around? Pain, Panic, get over here,” Hades called and in an instant his imps came scampering in and set themselves below the dais where their boss sat tapping away at the arm of his throne. “Go take care of the new arrival.”

“Yes, sir!” Their voices rang together, but their sanguine tone held a secret only the other recognized. Pain and Panic were careful to note the glazed expression on their boss’ face and almost immediately the two were already thinking up a plan to lift him out of his sour mood.

“But uh if you’re free for the next hour, maybe you should go and settle in the new soul,” Panic grinned up at his boss.

Pain too gave a picture perfect grin of innocence as he followed Panic’s lead. “That personal touch goes a long way to get their eternal doom started off right, sir.”

Before Hades could begin to offer a reply, his eyes went wide as if a bolt passed through one ear and out the other. His skin erupted in a flurry of goosebumps as light filled his eyes and for that split second couldn’t hear a thing, couldn’t see a thing except for an eerily familiar feeling of time running backwards.

Hades lurched forward in his throne as whatever had him in its hold released him. “Whoa, did we, like, not pay the bill?” An ironic thing for him to state since he had never missed a payment even once.

No sooner had those words slipped out of his mouth, alarm bells that hadn’t gone off since Orpheus rocked the Underworld with his song began to blare all around him in a cacophonous blast.

“Whoa!” Hades wildly gazed around his throne room, trying to determine what had set off his delicate security system. When out of nowhere, the soul that had just checked in came flying out from whence he came, reeling away like a fish caught on a hook.

For a second, Hades and his minions shared a moment. Blankly staring at each other before the god on his obsidian throne began to flare in rage. “That soul just left?! It left!” He roared more in surprise than anything. “Souls do NOT leave my Underworld!!!”

But amid his tirade, Hades sank in his throne still seething as his alarm system continued to deafen his ears, blaring louder than he could ever shout. One problem at a time, babe, he inwardly sighed. “And who has the code for this alarm?!”

Panic flinched at his boss’ tone, but Pain was ready to cover for him. “Uhh, is it your mother’s maiden name?”

“Which would be the same?!” Great balls of fire began to appear in Hades’ hands before he launched them at his cowering imps.

Pain and Panic could only stand and take their boss’ torment. However, his rage was short-lived when the alarms were abruptly silenced.

“Forgot about that,” Pain woozily muttered before falling flat upon the floor.

The sudden absence of his alarms made Hades pause. He hadn’t tried to turn them off, so what gives? Something told him, call it a hunch, it may have something to do with whatever caused that little blip he had just experienced.

Hades didn’t pay his minions any mind as he summoned his Tartarus Vision set with a snap of his fingers, and turned it on with a click of the remote.

The second time the soul had streaked across his vision, Hades had taken careful note of any meaningful characteristics, and now he understood where he had seen that face with his mismatched eyes and frazzled hair. He only knew of one schlemiel who had fried his brain and lived, and it just so happened to be his dear nephew’s best friend.

Icarus.

Just as he had predicted, the TV set displayed Hercules standing beside the very soul that had somehow received a get out of the underworld free card, alive, but the location today’s episode was set in well…

“Well, now what have we here?” Hades leered, the glow from the screen casting off a garish glow upon the dread lord of the dead as an idea began to come into being.

Pain and Panic, albeit a bit toasted, turned their attention to the screen.

“Uh-oh, what’s Jerkules up to, boss?” Pain twittered unsurely, racking his brain at what exactly he was looking at.

“The nephew’s gone tapestry weaving, huh?” Hades couldn’t help the smirk that overtook his features as he noticed the unconscious body of a giant spider-like creature not far from where Hercules stood. “Boys, pack your bags. Looks like the nephew just hooked us up with a one way ticket out of this dump.”

-------------------

Hades paid no mind to any of the warning signs that displayed itself all around him as he delved deeper into the abode of the Fates followed by his loyal imps. After all, the Fates weren’t here, and their guardian was certainly out for the count- all thanks to his dear, dense nephew.

“My nephew, my genius little nephew,” Hades crooned as he made his way across the dark cavern that held the seemingly infinite Tapestry of Fate. Its glittering images vividly mirrored their real-life counterparts to a disturbing degree all along a garnet cloth that sprawled itself across the stalactites and the cavern floors like a carpet as it wound around the room like a giant snake circling its prey.

To think Hercules had changed fate for something so mundane. What kind of yutz decides to change the Tapestry of Fate- the very tapestry that described everything that had ever and will ever happen! He could’ve re-written it to make himself a god again, but the absolute bozo did it to get concert tickets?!

Not even to steal, mind you, but to buy concert tickets for a washed up musician who was well passed his prime ever since his muse decided to tour with Styx for eternity. Hercules risked the entire cosmos coming undone just for that?!

Jeez Louise, the lightning bolt really doesn’t strike far from the cloud.

But the genius behind his nephew’s plan?

Hades had never considered changing the Tapestry of Fate; it just seemed too risky. Even Zeus feared the power the Fates held. It was why he had ordered the three sisters to remain in a hidden lair far from prying eyes and had placed a guardian to prevent anyone from manipulating the tapestry, changing the world we know.

Maybe, just maybe, Hades thought as he circled around the unconscious guardian of the Tapestry, Arachne, He could try too.

“Why have I never thought of this?” Hades asked out loud, his imps attempting to keep pace with him.

Hades’ eyes stretched across the room, trying to make sense of all the images that were in front of him. He had never been in here before- had never even seen the Tapestry of Fate, but had heard about it only in passing once during a meeting with the Fates several eons ago when they negotiated owning a little abode in his domain.

Seeing it now, the images of Gaia being born from Chaos represented as an erratic, unpredictable spiral that evolved into a series of infinite colors that the mere sight of it made the lord of the dead go dizzy the longer he gazed at it. In another, there was Kronos, wielding his scythe over the slain body of Ouranos, and there him and his siblings as they were trapped in their father’s belly. The image of his own face frozen in a twisted mask of pain and panic made Hades quickly turn away.

The thumping of his blackened heart did not rest even as he distanced himself from that scene- at the only picture he’d ever seen of himself in his youth.

Turning away, however, proved to be a fatal mistake, when he found himself further along the timeline than he hoped. And in a scene that was all too familiar.

If the first image had brought back flashes of his messed up childhood and the anxious, overpowering feeling of terror, then this was by all accounts what made his heart drop into his own stomach, far deeper than the prison his father had thrown him in when he was but a babe.

For there in full display was his long suffering wife.

Her eyes were closed, downcast and solemn with the palms of her hands encircling over her chest a bright almost fuchsia pomegranate. From the glittering fruit spawned a distinct line down the center that continued down the middle of her with either side displaying a contrasting image, representing her dual nature as goddess of life with her vibrant peony pink skin and a wondrous crown of lilies that mirrored her lily white peplos, and on the other side, the awful queen of the underworld who radiated power bedecked in full regalia with robes the color of night and the heavy decorations of silver, gold, and precious gems.

It was day and night in that very image. Generous spring and distant autumn who gave way to cruel, unforgiving winter. However, what truly captivated Hades’ interest was the sight of her withdrawn face, an expression he had come to know after millennia. He could feel his heart tightening in his chest at the mere sight of her image.

Persephone.

Even thinking her name was like attempting to pull away at an arrow that had wound itself embedded deep into his chest. Every tug, every little movement gave way to merciless agony all because of a tiny little arrow head that had lodged in him for so long that the mere act of tearing it out would surely leave him like Ouranos, spilling his lifeblood to the world down below. One stray arrow was all it took to do him in, and at the moment, he lacked the sense to pull it out before it could reach its intended mark.

And there it stayed no matter how much he regretted it.

How a mere image of her could render more pain than the tedium of eons and loneliness down here was enough to make the flame-haired god’s eyes begin to shine.

She’d been gone for three weeks. Three painless weeks. Her absence was always more bearable because he couldn’t inflict more pain upon her than when she was locked down here with him. And when they were together…

Hades scowled and turned away in frustration. He didn’t have time for this! Not when he was seconds away from literally rewriting history. “Pain! Panic! Find anything yet?!”

“Hang on,” Panic twittered. “Gaia had a lot more kids than I remembered.” The teal imp flitted from image to image until finally the two of them stumbled upon Zeus upon his heavenly throne while Hades sat below him in his own throne of volcanic obsidian.

“Your most lugubriousness, we found it!” Pain announced.

In a snap, Hades appeared by their side and didn’t try to hold back the sneer he made at his brother’s uncanny likeness upon the tapestry. “I’ve had enough of this bolt boy, but now this guy,” he pointed at his own picture. “Hey whoa, now who’s that handsome devil? Face like that shouldn’t be tucked away back here in the dregs.”

Hades began to tug at the tapestry, pulling it along with him as he began to ascend a circular stone staircase from where a giant, stygian loom was positioned at the center of the cavern.

The current section of the tapestry arranged upon the loom began to fall away to make room for the much older segment Hades was dragging along with him. Almost automatically, the loom began to accommodate, magically tightening the area that was about to be given a complete revision.

“How’s our resume gonna look after all this?” Pain whispered to Panic.

Hades could feel his face contorting into a sordid smirk as he admired the many prongs of the loom and the glittering spool of thread that contained more magic than Hecate could ever dream of conjuring.

“Needles!”

Pain and Panic decked in surgeon’s robes lifted the giant needles they had scrounged and handed them to Hades who took them with inflamed, impatient hands.

Carefully, just as he had been taught by Hestia, Hades gave them a rudimentary click clack like joints in an ancient skeleton.

Now how did it go?

“And two, pearl two, one, stitch two,” Hades muttered to himself, trying to remember Hestia’s mantra as his hands guided the needles to stab, strangle, and pull the thread across creating a whole new stitch.*

“And remember, Hades, don’t get lost in the threads,” Hestia had gently reminded him when she came to admire his loom. The keen-eyed goddess pondered at his work, and after a few moments of admiring his handiwork, she began to shake her head.

“You might just drop a stitch,” Hestia carefully reached into the fabric for the smallest, seemingly unnoticeable little gap that indicated he had missed a stitch, or dropping one as the knitting community called it.

Her sunflower yellow hand reached towards the dropped stitch and began to tug, creating a massive gap right in the middle of his work. It had remained unnoticed, but now that it had been discovered it had rendered a giant gaping hole in the middle of it thanks to his own impatience. “All it takes is one to ruin the whole thing.”

Hades could feel his whole body was shaking with anticipation. “This is it- this is it,” he began to repeat to himself instead of his mantra.

The image began to assemble more and more with each click of the needles. Already the Olympian throne had a new proud figure sitting atop it, giving rise to the wicked leer upon Hades’ long face. He could sense some part of him slipping away as he continued his task, but he wasn’t just changing his fate.

Now, how could he possibly throw some more salt upon the wounds of his nephew?

Better yet, how to keep him in line?

With the finesse that Hestia would’ve been proud of, Hades clicked the needles together until finally everything was perfect- better than that- everything was his.

“Sayonara, babe, it looks like Olympus is about to be under new management,” Hades saluted as he hurriedly tied up the loose ends. “Oh who am I kidding? They’ll never even notice.”

And everything went black.

Chapter Text

"And I was thinking to myself,
This could be Heaven or this could be Hell,"

- Hotel California, by the Eagles

One single blink had changed hell into heaven. Gone was the darkened, dusty cavern to an upgrade the likes of which made Hades' pupils shrink to pinpricks. For a moment, all the god could do was shield his eyes from the impressive radiance that shined upon the Olympus mount, but it would seem that wasn't the only source of light.

"Well, whaddya know?" Hades blinked open his eyes in wide wonder, taking in the sight of his hand, his whole body— glowing, glittering like the night sky surrounding a full moon. He was- he was…

Complete.

"Boss, is that you?!" Pain's voice broke through his thoughts.

Hades felt his lips split into a grin filled with awe and triumph. "I guess it is," he rose to his full height from the chaise lounge he had found himself on to find his toga had been replaced with a thundering gray one, the very same style his big brother would- no, used to wear.

"You are absolutely glowing, sir," Panic bobbed his head.

"And lookin' good with the new do, your illustriousness," Pain gave his boss two thumbs up.

"What are you two going on abou-" Hades put a hand to his head and felt for once hair- honest to Nyx hair. Perfectly maintained and conditioned growing right out of his own skull. "Holy hell, I gotta take a shower. I need ta see this thing in action!" Hades ran a hand through his curly white hair, admiring the cloud like softness he hadn't experienced for eons.

"And what are you two dressed up as, anyway? Lookin' like a bunch a little mailmen," Hades gestured between his two former imps.

"I don't know. I think it's kinda dashing!" Pain exclaimed in delight at the winged sandals on his feet, fluttering in the air with his new shoes.

"Wait a sec," Panic removed his golden winged helmet and then looked back at Pain as his magenta counterpart practiced flying. "Both of us are Hermes now?! Boss, you shouldn't have."

Hades waved him off. "Just make sure I don't regret the decision, 'kay? Now," a smirk began to play at his lips. "Can one of you boys tell me what is on the docket, today?"

This was a line Pain and Panic heard at the start of every single one of their days for the past several eons down in the Underworld. For a second, the former imps blinked at each other, contemplating what sort of tasks were required of them now. In a hurry, they reached into their pockets, lifted their hats trying to find some sort of schedule, but after a couple seconds of rummaging, the pair bemusedly stared up at their boss.

"Uh, we don't know…?" The newly christened cherubs began to shrink away in fear.

"Trick question, boys- NOTHING! Ha!" Hades roared in elation.

Pain and Panic began to wickedly grin both in glee and relief. Seeing their boss in such a happy mood was a welcome change, and it begged the question whether they would be subject to anymore smiting now that their boss finally achieved his greatest ambition.

"From here on out, we're calling the shots, and I say I'm in need of some libations. So who do I have to throw around for some of that action?" Hades began to stroll around his very own palace in the clouds, taking in the sights that he used to scorn and mock.

The angelic, peaceful atmosphere, the linear, geometric patterns that never wavered from ideal, and even the breathtaking view of the world down below. A view littered with villages and vastly growing city states, rugged terrain and restless seas. Now, at long last, he could appreciate the beauty in this kingdom, no longer turning his nose away like a bitter fox in Aesop's tales.

"For you, Lord Hades," an entourage of chubby cherubs began to flock around the king of the gods, offering golden plates with chalices of nectar spiced with wine, fruits, and fresh hot towels neatly set into a pyramid.

Hades grabbed at one chalice and downed it before chucking it behind him. However, before he was done, he took one of the rolled up towels and wiped his whole face, shaking off the after effects of the dream-like euphoria that welled inside of him.

"What's that?" Pain rumbled as a cherub approached him and began to whisper in his ear. "Hey, boss, looks like the gods are gathering for lunch."

"Well, then what are we waiting for, huh?" Hades tossed his used towel on the closest cherub's head, completely engulfing him as he was sent falling through the clouds, the heavy cloth muffling his screams all the way down.

Pain and Panic began to trail him on either side. Sweeping past the open marble halls paved from clouds, Hades had a sort of swagger as he strutted over it all until his eyes drank in the gathered gods lounging about the golden banquet hall. All eyes were on him- save for one.

There, Hercules sat utterly bewildered and perplexed as he stared at his hands as they emitted a warm sunshine glow just as Hades had done not two minutes ago.

"Wait, did I pearl one, drop three…?" Hercules pondered out loud.

"Shh, quiet, son," Hera whispered to her son, barely even looking at him as all her attention rested upon who she was gesturing towards. "Your father is coming."

Hercules felt reassurance flow back into him. Of course, Zeus could help him figure this all out in a-

Any semblance of thought Hercules could've had within him was immediately catapulted out the window followed by, but not excluding, his sense of self, direction, and most definitely not his intrusive thoughts as his mouth flopped open in a wide, donkey bray-like gasp.

"The king of the gods!" Pain announced.

"The ruler of Olympus!" Panic added.

"HADES!" The former imps shouted much to Hercules' increasing horror as he beheld- not Zeus, but his dread uncle in all the accoutrements of his real father.

"Hiya, son," Hades emphasized the last word with restrained enthusiasm as Pain and Panic likewise flashed him large cheeky grins of innocence.

The shear bewilderment and horror that marred Hercules' handsome face was enough to make Hades' smirk become all the more vicious as he watched Hercules' mouth fall open all slack-jawed and buggy-eyed. "Better close that mouth, son," he threw in that word again just to rub salt in the wound, "Before a harpy flies in!"

For a second, Hercules could only dumbly stare into the abyss. Was this his fault? What the actual Hades was going on?!

"Oh darling," Hera crooned, quickly stealing her 'husband' away from her son, who began to feel whatever he'd just eaten rise up in his throat.

For a second, Hades felt his arms hesitantly rise, not knowing whether to push Hera away or accept her advances. One look at his former nephew's face had him stiffly hold her in a half-hearted embrace and accepted the kiss she planted on his cheek. "Hm," Hades hummed to himself, trying to process the strange feeling welling up inside him. "Bada bing."

A couple eons ago that would've elicited a genuine reaction out of him, but now it felt empty, playing it up just to mess with Hercules who looked just about ready to curl up and die. Which coincidentally, dear reader, was the very same reaction three others watching the scene unfold wanted to do, including myself after watching this scene fifteen times just to get it right.

"You're the best," Hera fluttered her eyelashes at him, and it was then that Hades realized she was waiting for him to reciprocate. So this is how adultery feels like. All the god could allow himself to do was pull himself away with a tight, oily grin as he sleazed into his throne.

"What?" Hades stared up at Pain and Panic who looked at him the same disturbed way Hercules had not two seconds ago. "Hey, you like the new do? Your cow can't put this one out now!"

Hercules felt the gears in his head begin to turn, spinning round and round like an Archimedes' screw. If this reality's Hades recalled he had flame hair then that meant- "Hang on, what's going on? Where's Zeus?!"

"Gesundheit." Hades snapped his fingers repeatedly gaining the attention of a cherub. "Hey, you guys got anything better than grapes?"

"I'm serious! Where is he?"

Hades boredly set his sights on his nephew like he was interrupting his show.

"Oh come on," Hercules rolled his eyes. "The real king of Olympus?"

"Now, now hold on a sec', brat, I've always been king!" Hades snapped with barely restrained fury.

A sudden hush fell over the Olympus mountaintop as the eyes of the gathered gods suddenly fell on him. In that moment, it felt just like before, this time, however, there was now concern instead of contempt. What a novel concept that they care now that he was at the top.

"Haha, thank you, thank you! Hades has left the building!" He waved awkwardly at the gods until they were assuaged that this was a normal conversation between father and son. And yet, something caught Hades off guard the longer he stared, puzzled at the glittering assemblage.

From Hera to Aphrodite to Narcissus? Hold on, was he missing people? Hades' eyes drifted across the small gathering of gods as realization began to dawn on him as well.

Sayonara, Hades inwardly saluted to the the gods who had been completely scrapped from destiny. No Zeus, no infidelities, and as a result no gray-eyed wonders, pompous celestial twins, or even flaming flower-picking goddesses of-

Focusing his attention back on the little sun spot, Hades couldn't stop the smirk from forming once more. He couldn't be mad at Wonder Breath, anyway. It wasn't like he would've been able to do this on his own- hell, if it wasn't for his nephew showing him the ropes- heh, pun- he wouldn't be standing here today. "Hey, by the way, that tapestry trick? Nice," Hades praised, earning a beleaguered gasp from his former nephew.

"Oh, the tapestry!" Hercules slapped his face in realization.

Pegasus likewise mirrored the action of his more prepossessing counterpart with his own hoof.

'C'mon, Pegasus, let's get out of here before things get any weirder," Hercules jumped on Pegasus' back and soon the two of them flew off the divine mount.

"You better be back by curfew!" Hades shouted after them, his sordid smile never slipping from his face. Wait till Junior finds out who's guarding the tapestry now.

"You're so hard on him, dear," Hera crooned.

"Heh, you haven't seen anything," Hades chuckled at his own inside joke.

Hera leaned into Hades, but the god involuntarily stiffened at the action. The queen of the gods pulled herself away, her face turning towards her husband in concern. "Is something wrong, dear?"

"No, no, no," Hades began to inch away. "Y'know it's just been a long day. This humidity is ruining the do, and the mortals won't shut up about rain-"

He wasn't kidding about that last part. So many fervent prayers filled his ears a thousand times more persistent and equally as nauseating as the twittering bat-like shrills of the billions of shades he used to lord over.

"Well, then why don't you come sit with me?" Hera began to tug at his arm before he could exit stage left, but the familiarity of the action sent a pang flare up inside him. "I'm sure we'll find something to distract you."

For a second, Hades stiffly stood there. Well, what else was he going to do? He conquered the cosmos, what was there to do, but enjoy it? "Alright, alright," Hades begrudgingly allowed Hera to take him to the banquet table where the rest of the gods were gathered together nibbling on ambrosia and sipping nectar spiced with wine.

Already he could hear their insipid conversations being overtaken by Poseidon, dramatically taking centerstage, reciting the same story for the umpteenth billion time.

"There I was, the dawn of time, twenty- no sixty attempts of creating the perfect mammal, but they kept keeling over like a boat. And that's when I got it! BLOW HOLES!"

"Oi, get a load of this bozo, Pe-" Hades rasped under his cupped hand, his eyes swiveling to his right on impulse before realizing who was actually there. "-rse," Hades finished only to find Hera completely enraptured in the story.

Right.

"And what an excellent tale," Hera giggled at her own pun. "What say you, husband?

"I know it's no taming the globe, but a god's pride is his creation," Poseidon elbowed his brother from his left hand side.

"Maybe come up with some new material then, babe? Story's a little dry coming from a guy who's up to his ears in water."

Delirious guffaws shook the Olympus mountaintop as the gods all began to quake and double over with laughter at Hades' quip.

"Oh, bro-bro," Poseidon whined, his teal face burning a deep coral.

Many, if not all the gods, congratulated him on the successful landing- even before Pain and Panic could.

And yet, something about their praise, the foreign encouragement he received, he could not sit comfortably in the room full of mirth. It was not their irritating chuckles that he was waiting to hear, but the breathy giggles of a goddess who would shake her head at his snarky comments.

"Hades," she would warn, but her eyes always said something else entirely, and when no one was looking, she would slip her hand underneath the table and grasp his own, stroking his hand with her thumb until the meeting was done. Sometimes if she was just as annoyed in a meeting, she would give her own little snark and the two of them would snicker until her mean green mother would come into their space to ruin their fun.

But even as he held onto that memory, like grasping fistfuls of sand betwixt his fingers, the familiar tang of bitterness and hurt erupted in his thoughts much more fiercely, flooding his mind with a different memory altogether. One of a goddess who shouted and raged like magma flow erupting from the earth to devastate the land surrounding it. With tears as sharp and biting as the storms Boreas and Khione would bring forth from the North. Whoever said the earth was peaceful never knew of her rage- of her tempers- of her seasons.

No, he was done with her. He was taking his own advice. The advice he had given to that punk with the lyre who stupidly ignored it because he wasn't patient enough. Never look back, kid. Jeez Louise, he had waited six months, what was an hour?

Yet even with his anger taking center stage, Hades couldn't ignore that ever present thorn piercing him deep inside, reminding him of its presence. Why, the Tapestry of Fate didn't get rid of it with her not existing anymore, he didn't know, but maybe that was the cost for all this.

"Way to crush his spirit, dad," Eris snorted as she came up from behind Hades and joined the table.

"You're late, sweetie," Hera passively tsked.

"Sorry, but I've been busy, mother," Eris tossed a nearly empty basket of golden apples upon the table much to Hera's chagrin. "Hey, pops, you wouldn't believe how my day's going," the gray-skinned goddess changed her tune at the sight of Hades and gave him a peck upon his cheek, leaving Hades just as confused as his imps.

"Control her," Hera whispered to her husband.

"For what?" Hades snickered watching his 'daughter' strut about the room with all the grace allotted to a goddess who shone all the more for each condescending stare she received from her mother and kin alike.

So she's the new black sheep of the family, Hades wondered with a smirk. He'd never seen Eris like this before, brimming with glee and chaos with every trill of her discordant laugh, so unlike the closed off and brooding goddess at the back of every crowd, waiting for someone to tick her off.

"Look, she's making Cupid cry again," Hera's eyes darted to the pair in question. Eris had taken the big fat baby's stupidly large sword and was using it to slice her mother's golden apples like a public execution.

"That's my girl," Hades chuckled at the sight of the manic teenage goddess. "Hey, Garçon," he whistled for a cherub. "Get me something, I'm dying out here."

"Hades, you know she only listens to you," Hera nagged into his ear again.

Wonder why. The king of the gods inwardly rolled his eyes. "Fine." Only if it makes you shut up. "Hey, Eris, the rotten apple of my eye, get over here."

Eris was instantly at her father's side. "Yeah, pop? Let me guess, you got some pointers?" The goddess wickedly grinned.

Hades felt his own crooked grin begin to stretch his lips, but one look at Hera's irritated scowl made his face stiffen. Oi, live a little Jeez Louise. "Tone it down a bit, your ma's having a conniption."

"Oh…" Eris' face fell.

"It's called subtlety, kid," the god whispered. "Tie their sandals together, sneeze a hex at 'em- whatever. Just don't get caught and make your old man proud, okay? Now bring out the tears," Hades winked. "Don't let your ma know I'm letting you off easy."

"Yes, pop," Eris moped, but the secret smile she shared with him before she put on her perfect imitation of a mask of tragedy said otherwise.

He had a kid. Well, besides that loser Jerkules and probably Ares and Hephaestus, but he had a kid he liked. The thought alone weirded him to no end, but seeing Eris and feeling that bond almost made him get all choked up.

"I like that kid. She's got her old man's penchant for destruction," Hades whispered to his former imps.

"She's certainly a chip off the old block, sir," Panic twittered.

However, his cheery mood took a nose dive the second he tuned back into the banal conversations around the banquet hall. Ares and Aphrodite discussed the latest star-crossed lovers they had created on a whim out of their own pettiness that was sure to cause the drama of the century while Cupid bemoaned his lack of success in stirring any wars.

"Don't you have any advice, your storminess?" Cupid sobbed into his moussaka.

"You ever thought about, I don't know, actually killing a guy? It's a good place to start for war."

"You mean muh-murder?!"

"I mean if you want to get technical," Hades groaned. Not waiting for the pansy pink god to say another word, the god shouted, "NEXT!"

And what occurred was an entire afternoon wasted as Hades put up with all the woes of the gods, or really just internal drama he was expected to fix. Oi, why was everyone so against just duking it out in the parking lot? Jeez, he wasn't their therapist! He was their king for his' sake.

Pain and Panic in all that time had been watching their boss' mood worsen bit by bit as the afternoon dragged on, but after not getting the slightest smirk out of the chaos he had created for changing godly roles around, the two decided now was a good a time as any.

"Hey, boss, want to slip away for a bit?" Pain whispered into his ear.

"Maybe go somewhere to unwind?" Panic added on Hades' opposite side.

Hades flashed his imps a grateful look, something far rarer than winning all the slot machines in Elysium. "Get me outta here I can't take this-"

"Hades, is something wrong? Where are you going?" Hera's whisper stopped the god in his tracks along with every single pair of eyes in the room. Funny, no one ever noticed him slip away before.

"So sorry, your- your majesty," Panic awkwardly grinned. "We're going to steal him for a bit."

"Official king of Olympus business, you know how it is," Pain flashed his rounded teeth at the queen and to their entourage.

"Well, I hate to run, everyone, but you know how it is running the cosmos," Hades dramatically sighed, playing up the role.

"Oh very well," Hera sighed. "But do come back before tonight, darling. I have a big surprise to announce," her face split into a warm grin that made the god's ichor grow cold.

Hades felt one single word repeat ad infinitum in that second. His smarmy smile faltering, nearly falling into the abyss. A curse word that the author wouldn't dare say since the television program was clearly rated for at least a seven year old. "… Yeah, sure no problem, uh, babe. Well, see ya-"

The king of the gods slipped away with a speed that made his own head spin. He couldn't put his finger on it, but maybe being at the top of the food chain automatically gave him the ability to run from the wife a helluva lot faster. Oi that would've been nicer to have before.

"Oi, now I know why Zeus avoids her," Hades groaned. You know besides the affairs part.

"Speaking of which," Panic cleared his throat.

"Yeah, hey boss, not that we're not enjoying our new positions-"

"In fact, we are very appreciative of the promotion, but we can't help but notice," Panic timidly prodded his brother in his large belly with his elbow.

"That there isn't a certain goddess here with us."

"Especially in the queen department," Panic added in a rare display of backbone.

Hades paused his gait and found himself in an all too familiar place to simmer and brood, but for once, he did not feel the heat of his rage manifesting into reality like before. Instead, the air around him seemed to hum and pulsate with energy that was likewise foreign and familiar to him.

Pain and Panic were wary of the crackles in the space around him and kept a safe distance from him, cautiously awaiting how his new powers would react to his foul mood and any other exit strategies to keep injuries at a minimum.

"And?" Hades seethed in a somewhat indifferent tone had it not been for the subtle twitch of his eye, coinciding with the sudden inflection in his voice.

"Oh, nothing, nothing at all!" Panic attempted to drop the subject at the saturnine sight of Hades with his face downcast under the shade of the marble column, just as gloomy as every time he was forced to come to the mount.

"Good," the god snapped.

"He-hey, boss. I think you deserve a break," Pain broke the tense silence.

"You're telling me," Hades hissed.

"No, he's right, sir. Maybe- oh what if we go to the Styx Hotel! Pay a visit to their spa. I'm sure it's still there, it is in Elysium after all."

"That's the best idea I've heard all day," Hades miffed.

"And you finally get to try out a shower," Panic lilted.

No further prompting was required and in a flash of lightning the grandest hotel in Elysium overlooking the River Styx stood before the three.

Finally after eons, they couldn't turn him away.

Chapter Text

“The world is full of kings and queens
Who blind your eyes and steal your dreams
It's heaven and hell, oh well.”

- Heaven and Hell, by Black Sabbath, Ronnie James Dio

~Three Weeks Earlier~

The voyage on Charon’s ferry was deathly quiet. Even by Underworld standards this was by far a new record in eons. The only sound came from the occasional slosh of Charon’s oar, rising and falling in the wide, wide river that welcomed and beckoned all into its gates. Not even the dead released their usual moans and cries for something above the misty waters of Styx made them far more terrified of disturbing this rare moment of peace.

Hades fixated his golden eyes on his wife where she stood in front of him. Her tall, willowy figure almost entirely obscured by her knee-length blonde hair. However, that too was obscured thanks to the long dark veil that covered her hair, hindering the radiance of its glow. What limited light there was came emanating from her locks, casting pale yellow light upon the otherwise gloomy ferry. He had found throughout the centuries that her peony pink glow would fade and her vibrant rose-colored skin paled as winter stretched on above, leaving her almost as colorless as him until she returned to the land above where the cycle began again.

“Just- just talk to me,” Hades frustratedly sighed.

“You didn’t have to come see me off,” Persephone coldly reminded her fiery husband. Her magenta eyes were trained straight towards the gates and away from the heated look he was giving her.

“I always see you off. I am not stopping any time soon,“ Hades tried to keep his voice as leveled as possible, but anybody could feel the air around him begin to grow incredibly heated.

“I just wanted to leave on good terms. Is that such a crime?” Persephone continued to avoid glancing behind her where Hades was standing on the ferry. She had purposefully taken his spot on the bow, a hint he had noticed, but was stubbornly refusing to acknowledge.

“That is the lousiest excuse if I’ve ever heard one,” Hades miffed.

Persephone tightened her jaw on reflex, but her tongue was far faster than her own mind as her body whirled around to face him. “Oh that’s rich coming from the god who has an excuse for every flaming reason. What is it now?”

Now at long last, Hades fixated his gaze on her mirthless eyes and barely kept together composure. She had forgone her chthonic regalia in favor of her simple white peplos and floral pins now that she was ushering back life upon the earth, but the attire felt completely out of place upon her the way she rigidly stood, irascible and enervated. Nothing like the cheery goddess of Spring he had stumbled upon so long ago.

“Sweetness, please-“ Hades watched Persephone’s face begin to crumble, her weariness shifting before his very eyes, a sort of longing there within her, but that same distress marked by the twist of her lips and the deep furrow of her brow set it aside.

Whatever heartache was going to spill from her inner most heart came out in a frigid, indifferent, “It can wait till Fall.”

Hades inwardly felt himself deflating, but resolve in the guise of fervent flames began to decorate down his neck, spanning the length of his shoulders. “Hey, this isn’t like you. Did- did I do something,” the god clumsily stringed his words trying to pinpoint a specific moment while he spoke until realization dawned upon him like Eos’ rosy fingertips upon the morning sky. “Oh don’t tell me this is about that Orpheus guy.”

“Of course no-”

“Seph, sweetness, I gave him literally the easiest task, but that bozo gets the bright idea to look back one flaming step before he crossed onto terra-“

“-Sparky,” she softly interjected.

“I would’a flambé’d him just for cracking the security system wide open, but taking a soul back to earth? I would’ve taken out that yutz myself just for the meshugge idea!!!”

“Hades!” Persephone frustratedly sighed. Whenever he went on tangents she could lose him for hours. “Are you done?” Persephone tsked.

“Not until you tell me why you’ve been so distant,” Hades pivoted back in an instant, almost like his own tangent was a ploy to get his unusually distant wife to open up.

“You’re asking me that as I’m leaving?! Look where we are! Look at the date!!!” Persephone’s arms wildly gestured at the River Styx and the ever looming gates that drew her closer back to the mortal realm. “I tried to, but you were clearly too busy with something far more worth your time,” she sarcastically quipped.

“Right, right, you’ve tried to talk to me,” Hades mirthlessly laughed. That was the thing that had irked him about her back when they first met. She would always run from things. Her demons, her mother, himself for the five minutes it took to snag her- she didn’t do confrontations. Growing up in a bubble, paradise, Eden, whatever the hell you wanted to call it, it was just nice to pretend everything was fine. To sweep things neatly under the rug like they didn’t exist.

Her mother raised her so well upon that route that left her so frustrated, so wound up it didn’t take more than one conversation with him in all his biting, blunt provocations at some meeting on Olympus for her to unleash what had been festering inside of her for eons. He wasn’t particularly proud of his behavior in that moment a millennia ago, but he did it to everyone who was within earshot, relishing in the glares and the scowls of those who wouldn’t dare insult or interact with the dread lord of the dead.

However, once he turned his underhanded comments onto her on the first time her mother let her out of the commune, instead of ignoring him like the rest of the glittering assemblage that seeming wallflower lashed out at him for hitting a little too close to home before her mother heard what was going on and dragged her to a different corner of Olympus.

That spark, that fire had him more smitten than he cared to admit at the time, but ever since then she had rarely ever allowed herself to hit that low again. She was the calmer one between the two of them, if you could believe that, but that was more attributed to her because of her background, and not so much her personality. Still, in the instances when she became distant or purposefully occupied, he could always tell when she was trying to avoid something that was bothering her, and now was no exception.

“Refresh my memory, babe, but when was that exactly? Weren’t you holed up in Elysium for almost four flaming months this time around?!”

“You didn’t give me much of a choice!” Persephone snapped, her rage finally bursting through its surface.

“Whaddya mean choice?! I didn’t say zip when you came back, and if you want to go back farther, I gave you a choice to back out a long time ago! Pretend this,” he gestured between the two of them, “Never happened!”

“And I don’t regret that!!!” Persephone shouted just as loudly as he. It was times such as these, when Persephone remembered how she had once been so afraid of his untamed tempers. So unused to wearing emotions on your sleeves and not hiding behind a grin. And now here she was, meeting him beat for beat, never batting an eye from where she stood. “Not even now,” she shook her head adamantly.

Hades felt his spirits rise. Maybe he could set things right.

“-We’ve made this work despite the distance- despite everything,” she paused in an attempt to calm herself down. “But you’re not seeing that you’re putting it in danger all over again!”

The flame’ haired god’s hopes dashed away once more as his bitterness took hold of him. “I’m the problem now? Who am I kidding?” Hades rolled his eyes. “I’ve always been the problem,” the flame-haired god threw his hands up in mock defeat. “At least that’s what your Ma tells everyone. That I tricked you into staying here-”

“Hades, don’t drag her into this again-”

“Don’t drag her in? She’s- Seph, look at us!” Hades stood practically smoke to toe with her, his back rigidly straight just to lock his gaze with her’s thanks to her tall frame. “Her- Zeus- they’re the reason you have to go back- the only reason we ever have arguments. Everything traces back to my own personal Tartarus you call a ma.”

“That’s not true and you know it,” Persephone held her unflinching magenta gaze upon him. “The reason I haven’t talked to you is because of the huge Trojan horse you wheeled into the room!”

“What? You want to have the kids talk now? Let’s do it. How many brats you want? Hell, let’s get started with the first one now and worry about that later!”

“NO! Having a kid isn’t going fix this,” Persephone rounded upon him, her unusually sharp canines glinting sharply in the gloomy light. “Isn’t going to fix your- your obsession with overthrowing your brother- of ruling Olympus.”

“FATES!!! Finally!!!” Hades flared, releasing a torrent of pent up flames in varying hues of scarlet and sulfur. “Is that really it?! My plan to get us out of this flaming hell hole?! To show everyone what they did to-”

“Oh now this is exactly why I didn’t tell you in the first place!” Persephone shrieked, flames of rose emitting off of her and into the surrounding air. “You get so defensive about your little schemes to one up everyone who’s ever wronged you. Am I on that list too, Hades? Or am I too naive to realize I’ve always been there- along with everyone you’ve ever known?!”

Hades stood there stunned. She was the only being in the entire cosmos who could rip him apart with her words, could tear his heart from his chest and serve it on a platter. “… How- how do you expect me to respond to that? You’ve never even brought up that you had an issue with it. You- you helped get the road paved and now you’re backing out?!”

Hades tried to catch Persephone’s eyes, but her gaze was everywhere but on him. “Perse, we’ve got two years to planetary alignment!!! Two years till the cosmos gets turned on its head!!!”

“Because I didn’t fully understand how- how this,” her hand floated over his chin then his cheek, a hair length away, but she could not utter the words, nor bring herself to close the distance between them and hold his face like she would to comfort him both because of the wild torrent of anger and heartache, and the hesitance that cropped up in her voice as she splayed her hand across the base of her throat where her collarbones met instead. That same haunted look from before filled with regret washed over her features before she painfully pulled herself away.

That single move twisted the arrow head imbedded in his heart around and around rendering a wound far worse than it had first created. Whoever said love was soft and sweet did not know of its cruelty, of how much agony it could render during seasons distance and the bitter words of indifferent hearts.

“What?” Hades bitterly tsked. “How we’d work out? I- I mean I know- I admit,” he conceded with a beleaguered sigh. “I haven’t been the most available with the business we’re in, but it’s an investment for the future-“

“Stop, stop-” Persephone shook her head all amid Hades’ speech.

“We are so close, Seph,” he stressed with urgency the likes of which she hadn’t seen thus far. “To never having to worry, or be overworked, or anything ever again would keep us from enjoying eternity and we won’t be trapped here-“

“JUST STOP IT!!!” Persephone screamed. A rush of emotions rife with pain and unrepressed sorrow finally began to make its presence known as the first tears streaked fast down her face.

“What did I-“

“Please, stop,” Persephone covered her face with her hands in an attempt to keep her crumbling composure.

Hades hesitated. His hands reached out ready to embrace her, but quickly retracted them. His mind was erupting with guilt and rage. A part of him wanted nothing more than to hold her- to comfort her, and to slap himself for driving her to her breaking point, but the other was still teeming with hurt and betrayal. To have someone he trusted with all his blackened heart say the very things that tore away at him made the god loathe and regret his decision to not pull out the arrow when he had the chance. Images of what his life would’ve been like- how much less heartache he would have had to endure.

His indecision had him woodenly stand there once again reaching for her, but his mind had finally been made up. How could she say that? Didn’t she want out of this place as much as him? She’d never said anything before, or was she just amusing him this whole time? Stringing him along just like-

Before either of their thoughts could settle, the ferry that carried the lord and lady of the dead crested upon the dark Stygian shore. Whatever words, whatever apologies, whatever last minute bitterness that could’ve been muttered by them, drifted away, snapping both gods to reality. Their time together had ended once more.

Charon expertly docked the ferry before it could careen off balance back onto the water. Silently, the ever taciturn ferryman for the first time in his service stepped off his ferry.

Hades stared dumbfounded as his ferryman offered his hand out to Persephone and helped her out of the boat.

“I’m sorry you had to see that,” Persephone whispered.

Charon shook his head, and squeezed her hand with all the comforting tightness a skeletal hand could muster.

“Persephone, let’s talk about this-” Hades reached out just before Persephone could take her bags from Charon’s hands. “Just- just tell me,” stood in her path. “Why the change in tune? Since when did you not want me to take out Zeus?”

“Don’t you get it?!” Persephone warbled, she stalked towards him, expecting to phase right through him, but the god remained solidified. In the process of ramming into him, Persephone dropped her bags and before she could stumble, Hades reached out his hands and steadied her. “I wouldn’t be there!” She pushed him out of her way.

Hades stared stupefied at her. “What?” He genuinely asked, confused as all hell. “I’d be king of everything- your flaming mother wouldn’t-“

“You get Olympus and we’d still be apart every six months,” Persephone quietly hissed, launching a feeling colder than the waters of Styx down his spine. “I am eternally bound to this land.”

A rush of green erupted from the tenebrous rocks and arid sand, turning from saplings to full blown bushes, obscuring his view as it completely burst into life around Persephone. In his haste, Hades ripped through the thick vegetation, trying to find her amid the thick ligneous branches that tried to deter him away when suddenly, the full grown trees began to bare fruit. With the trees growing ever taller, Hades found his wife with her hands emitting her signature peony pink glow before deepening into a darker, more mesmerizing red.

Persephone admired one such tree amid the grove as enticing red bulbs grew as large as his fist.

Pomegranates.

“Persephone,” Hades whispered breathlessly, horror and anguish dripping in every syllable of her name now that everything clicked. Her lack of enthusiasm, her increasing dread, not wanting to be part of the meticulous planning, she didn’t want to take his dream away all for the cost of her own. How long did she carry around that knowledge- that burden that his very presence brought because of his incessant need for vengeance now that it was happening in less than sixteen months.

He was such a schmuck.

“I didn’t- I never realized-“

“You fought so hard to keep me,” his wife shied away from him. “And now you’d resign me here to rule alone while you ruled on high. Would you even remember me all the way up there? Like your brothers did?”

Hades felt his throat constrict tighter than a python around its prey. She was the only goddess in the cosmos- only being for that matter, who could leave him utterly speechless.

“See you in six months,” Persephone bitterly intoned. Vines rushed beneath their feet and seized her dropped luggage. Now that they were within her grasp, his wife emerged from her newly formed grove and stormed out of the gates of the Underworld where her mother waited with open arms.

Hades did not follow as quickly as before, almost resignedly treading his old footsteps as he did every equinox, not because he wanted to with his pride tarnished, but because habit was far stronger than he would ever give credit.

The snow covered earth almost instantaneously gave way to green shoots the moment Persephone stepped over the threshold, and likewise, the Underworld began to gradually grow all the more frigid.

Demeter welcomed her daughter into her tight embrace. His mother-in-law, attempted to soothe her daughter all while shooting the frostiest glare she could muster at him. A paradoxical sight as the sun began to shine in full force and all the flowers were suddenly in bloom.

Spring had returned at long last, but winter in the Underworld had just begun.

----------

Hades numbly replayed that scene from three weeks earlier on repeat in his mind. Sitting, now, in a bubbly hot tub, the god could’ve been enjoying the jets of water undoing the tense knots in his shoulders and back, could’ve been taking a nap and letting the magic waters imported from Canathus do their job, but instead, he had been admiring a large pomegranate he held between his fingertips.

The spa attendants had left a basket full of them just before they finished preparing his bath and had given it to him to enjoy during his soak.

Meanwhile, Pain and Panic lumbered into the pristine spa, choosing to walk along its mosaic floors lined with intricate patterns depicting nymphs, flowers, and curling rings of foliage and pomegranates.

“The Tartarus stone massage sounds perfect for relaxing my tense muscles. What are you thinking about getting, Panic?”

“Oh I can’t possibly choose between the full massage therapy or the Hesperides leaf body wrap,” Panic twittered, his long nose stuck in between the sprawled pamphlet they held between the two of them.

“Why not both?” Pain leered.

“Oooh, can we, boss?!”

“Go crazy,” Hades indifferently rolled his eyes.

Pain and Panic locked eyes and begrudgingly looked between the pamphlet in their hands and back to their boss. Flitting over to Hades’ side, the two imps dipped their feet into the soothing water, waiting for him to throttle them or elicit some form of reaction, but he was just as apathetic as he was that morning. Almost like nothing had changed despite their destiny being flipped upside down.

“We can ask if they have other fruits, boss,” Pain pushed, hoping maybe they could pull Hades out of his current funk.

“Like they’d have anything else in this Fate-forsaken land,” Hades huffed, throwing it above him only to catch it a second later.

“Worms! What about we get you some worms, sir?” Panic twittered in his sanguine tone.

“And we should get a TV set in here and see how miserable everyone is!”

“Yeah, you did make Philoctetes a janitor, after all!”

The flurry of suggestions never seemed to cease from his imps and amid all of them, Hades carefully broke the pomegranate open between his hands, releasing dark ruby streams of juice over his hands and into the bubbling tub.

Who would have ever thought the only flaming fruit that grew in his dark and dank abode would simultaneously serve as the lifeline that kept Persephone in his life and a ball and chain that kept her rooted there. A millennia ago it had seemed a solution in a time when winter was at its harshest. And almost ironically, the Underworld was experiencing its very first summer, making the once cold and damp cavernous landscape, warm and steamy.

But, oh, those summer nights, Hades thought with a smirk.

Pain and Panic stared frustratedly at their boss still ignoring them with his prominent frown and sneer combo. Were they really gonna ignore the Hannibal elephants in the room?

“Boss, what if we just go back to the tapestry and put Persephone back in the narrative?” Pain huffed.

“Yeah, we did it before!” Panic agreed with the same obvious redundancy a teen would mutter to their clueless parent. “What’s stopping you from trying again?”

The sound of her name reeled him out of his thoughts, and for a second, Hades allowed himself that hope.

And then without warning, his left hand crushed half of the pomegranate, sending juice flying all across the imps and himself. “And then what?” he disdainfully muttered, he shook off his hand sending bits of pomegranate everywhere. “Change everything I don’t like about this world? Dump Hera- chance it that Persephone doesn’t hold a grudge against me like Hera did with Zeus and the cycle begins again.”

“But you two do love each other,” Panic’s shrill insistence sent a deeper frown down Hades’ long face.

“A little look at the past couple years might tell ya otherwise,” Hades miffed, Persephone’s words on repeat in his mind ad infinitum.

“Couples bicker all the time,” Pain’s voice broke through Hades’ concentration. “And you two disagree about everything.”

“You don’t have to tell me twice,” Hades snapped.

“But you two are pros at working through your little seasonal tiffs,” Pain reminded him. “Not everyone can make six months apart work.”

“Or six months together,” Panic added with a grin.

However, Hades did not take the joke kindly and immediately stood up from the hot tub and wrapped himself in the fluffy white towels with the Hotel Styx logo embroidered on the corner.

“Six months- you know what six months is to a god who’s lived for eons?! It’s a blink of a flaming eye!” Hades angrily paced around the bath house with Pain and Panic trailing him as he shouted. “Where on Gaia’s green earth are the showers around here, huh?!”

“So the wait isn’t that long, right?” Panic nervously asked.

“So is six months here,” Hades snapped. “One blink she’s gone- one blink she’s here, it’s an endless revolving door. Oi does it make my head spin! Didn’t need to happen if she would’a just stayed and dropped her ma like last week’s despot.”

Still angrily speeding through the bath house, Hades stopped a passing shade. “Hey, you, babe, where’s your flaming showers?”

The stuttering shade could barely muster a word before her own see-through hand shakily gestured towards somewhere behind the towering god.

Without so much as a thanks, Hades stomped in the direction the shade had pointed out. “But no she had to go noble on me, spouting some Cerberus dung about: “I have to think of the mortals- Jeez Louise- I did every flaming day for eons! I couldn’t get one thing going for me?! Any other babe would’a let the world burn- hell I would’a, but not her,” Hades flippantly groaned. “She’s too goody two-sandals for that. Left me the second mommy came a’calling.”

“Oh yeah, then why’d she take the fruit?” Pain bravely countered.

“Hell if I know,” Hades ignored the insistent imp. “But what’s one hell compared to another, eh, boys?”

“Yes, you do,” Panic flew alongside Hades, trying to keep up with his brisk strides when resolution began to burn in the imp’s veins far more potently than his own nerves. “And you’re going nowhere beating yourself up for her own choice.”

Hades ground to a halt at the sudden obstruction his imp had become by stopping directly in front of him. The newly minted king of the gods stared stunned and miffed at the sudden bravado from his most cowardly imp. Maybe Pain would, but not the imp who worried about what side of a gyro he was going to bite into first.

The god’s hands were already half-way around Panic’s neck, ready to strangle him for his audacity, but his hand dropped away in frustration as suddenly as it had appeared. Even the crackles of electricity that hung heavily around him seemed to disappear almost instantly, but the smell of rain wafted in both Pain and Panic’s noses before literal rain clouds began to form along the coffered ceiling, darkening and coalescing until every speck of gold was shrouded in thick, heavy plumes.

“WHAT CHOICE?!?!” Hades roared in tandem with the lightning strike that struck his minions. “Sure, I booked a meeting with every lawyer, tore apart every corner of the Underworld, stole the Fate’s eye to figure out a way to keep her, and you know what they traded me back for it? This flaming fruit!!!” He held out the other half of the pomegranate he had not destroyed.

“Use it wisely,” the sordid cackles of the leering Fates mirrored his despair as they eagerly forked over the magenta pomegranate even without the promise of the return of their eye. His mere entrance alone had them bouncing around him, their gnarled fingers itching to return to their work and end the myth.

“I come home and there she was giving me those doe eyes, hanging onto every word to hear what the Fates had said, but I couldn’t get a word out,” Hades quieted. “Y’know what she did, boys?”

Memories of her holding him, pressing him to tell her no matter how much he couldn’t bring himself to say it even as she brought her hands to his face and her kisses flooded every square inch of it. Their lips met and salt was all they could taste as their tears intermingled and slid off their faces, but Persephone’s hands found what Hades was trying to hide as they roamed his frame and stole the pomegranate right underneath his nose. “She tricked me.”

“I know you’d never ask me,” she sadly smiled up at him as she broke their kiss, holding aloft almost proudly the dark pomegranate she held between her fingertips. “But I can’t run away either. Not anymore.” Her fingernails had dug into the waxy flesh and tore open the tedious fruit. Each seed, shiny and bright like a fistful of rubies as she plucked out one after another, six in total.

Hades tossed the remaining pomegranate half to Pain. “But that’s the funny thing, boys. How do you con a conman?” Hades bitterly smirked as he stepped into the showers and closed the curtains, separating him from his imps.

Pain and Panic looked at each other, trying to figure out if their boss’ question was rhetorical or not.

“You can’t?” Panic nervously babbled.

“And why’s that?” Hades pressed as he turned the shower nobs and relished the feel of his hair not going up in smoke.

“Uhh, cuz conmen are too clever for that?”

Hades did not answer as he ran his hands through his hair, slicking it back to make sure water seeped into every corner until his locks were drenched. Yeah, conmen like himself were clever, cunning was the better word, but, the only true way to con a conman was to let them con you first. And Persephone had done just that.

“YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!!” Hades suddenly shouted, sending both his imps to fly into a panic.

“Uhh, you have to- have to-“

“Outsmart them?!” Pain cried.

“NO! WHO IS BESEECHING ME RIGHT NOW?!”” Hades tore open the shower curtains and grabbed the imps before they could escape from his grasp. Without a semblance of a warning and shampoo still running down his face, Hades snapped his fingers and disappeared with imps in tow.

The shower, however was still turned on, the water, running unabashedly loud and clear for all to hear.

Two shades peeked their head through the walls, one of them the attendant who had sent Hades in the direction of the showers earlier.

“Well, where is he?” The older shade with a gilded crown atop his eternally balding head asked the stupefied soul.

“He was just here. Look, he left the shower on,” the woman grumbled and quickly disappeared only to reappear inside the shower to turn off the water. “No respect…"

King Minos tugged at his beard nervously. “She’s not going to be happy about this.”

“And that’s before she sees the bill,” the woman added.