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The minute he showed up to the training camp, he knew it would be a disaster.
For one, the gym only had one court, which Oikawa found rediculously stupid considering the fact that most of the Miyagi teams would be practicing here- how were they going to have a cohesive schedule? What would they get done with one court?
Also, this one-court gym was located 3 hours away from Seijoh, which meant that they were staying in a hotel. Which was stupid too because Oikawa would’ve much rathered to sleep in his room, watching tape and stratigising. How could he do that when he knew Iwa-chan would be nagging him to go to bed?
The last thing that tipped Oikawa off that this trip would be awful is that Shiratorizawa AND Karasuno were there. His two least favorite teams with two of his least favorite people. Great.
“Oi, stop plotting Ushiwaka’s death and unload the bus, idiot.”
Oikawa whines when his best friend slaps his shoulder, taking one last glance at the hotel in front of them, then turning in Iwaizumi’s direction.
“Iwa-chan, stop talking so loud, he could hear you!” Oikawa smirks, and Iwaizumi cuffs him on the head.
“It’s only a week, Shittykawa. Murder him on the court.”
Oikawa rolls his eyes and saunters to the back of the bus, unloading bags and passing them to underclassmen.
He’s tossing Kindachi’s bag to him, making him catch it with an unceremonious “oof”, when he feels a familiar presence behind him and freezes.
Oh for fuck’s sake.
“Greetings, Oikawa.”
The brunette whips around, glowering at the tall, solid figure looming above him. Ushijima looks calm, almost pleased, to see the setter, and it pisses him off more than anything imaginable. At least Kageyama reciprocates his ‘hate’. Ushiwaka takes it in stride.
“Do you make it your mission to ruin my day?”
Ushijima lets his eyebrows scrunch, his lip turning up into a slight pout that surpasses Oikawa’s already low thoughts of his emotional capacity. It was surprising, and endearing.
“Not particularly, no.”
“Well you seem pretty set on it, seeing as you’re over here.”
“But I’ve only said hello.”
Oikawa rolls his eyes and turns around, grabbing another bag from the bus. The tag read Kunimi Akira. Holding the bag with both hands, he wonders what in the everloving fuck his kohai could have brought that was this damn heavy.
“No, you said ‘greetings’, like some emotionless robot.” Oikawa grunts, trying to step around Ushijima. When he realized that was pointless, he added, “Now get out of my way before I greet my fist with your face.”
“But you can’t do that, your hands are full. Would you like me to-”
“Get out of the way, Ushiwaka.”
The tall figure bristles, and steps aside. Oikawa huffs, waddling over to Kunimi and dropping his bag on the ground.
“Whatever you have in there, it better not be illegal.” He grumbles, and Kunimi’s face never changes except for the amused glint in his eye.
When Oikawa turned around, Ushijima was gone.
Just as he breathed a sigh of relief, a long arm snaked its way around his shoulders and yanked him in close to his body. He groaned before he even looked at the face, knowing exactly who it was and exactly what they were about to tease.
“Bro, did you see the way he was staring at your ass?”
“What ass?” Another voice snickered, and Oikawa huffed in betrayal.
“Shut the fuck up, Makki! Mattsun, anyone would look at this ass!”
Hanamaki barks out a laugh, coming on the other side of Oikawa and ruffling his hair. “I ask again, what ass?”
Oikawa groaned, struggling to get out of his (really pitiful, he should get new ones) friends grip, but Matsukawa held him firm in his place. By no means is Tooru weak, he’s toned and works out every week. But his physique had always been leaner, that’s just how it naturally was (it came with his height, he guesses) and Matsukawa always has been able to gain the advantage on him, no matter what. But he was fine with that, because he could take down Hanamaki easily (it’s a level playing field, they’re the same height!).
(Iwa-chan’s a whole different story, but no-one should really be allowed to be that short and have biceps that big-)
“I think our dear Ushiwaka has a thing for you!” Matsukawa chirps, and Oikawa fights the urge to punch him (Do we really need our middle blocker?).
“I think so too. I mean he goes goo-goo eyes whenever you’re around.” Makki coos, taking to shoving a finger into Oikawa’s cheeks.
“First of all, no he doesn’t,” Oikawa swats Makki’s hand away from his face, and the pink haired boy bursts into giggles. “and even if he did, why can’t he take the hint that I want nothing to do with him?”
“I don’t know, you seem interested too.”
Oikawa whirred around, so fast it even surprised Matsukawa and his grip loosened momentarily, allowing the setter to turn his body all the way toward his offender.
He lets out a betrayed gasp when he meets olive eyes adorned on a shit-eating face.
“Iwa-chan, you bastard! No I’m not!”
Makki howls. “Betrayed by your own best friend!”
“Don’t pretend that you don’t stare at Ushiwaka’s thighs, Shittykawa.”
Matsukawa snorts. “I mean, who wouldn’t.”
Oikawa scoffs while throwing up his hands and nearly knocking Matsukawa in the face, then stomps away and shouts:
“Traitors! You’re all traitors!”
-----
Oikawa stomps into the hotel with his team, observing the lobby with minute interest. It’s fancy enough, gray interior with gold accents giving it a modern look. The entire hotel was rented out for all the Miyagi teams that were to be there, two to a room. The only problem was that some of the rooms only had one bed- but it didn’t bother Oikawa that much, he would room with Iwaizumi anyway and they've shared a bed more times than he can count.
As Oikawa watches Coach Mizoguchi approach the desk, probably to get room numbers, he spots Shiratorizawa on the other side of the hotel. He scans the group, eyes moving from their excitable dark bowl cut first year to the gray haired third year that benches to the salty setter with ugly blonde bangs. His eyes move a little more, and he spots Tendou staring directly at him. Oikawa quickly looks away- man, that guy is creepy.
Then Oikawa sees Ushijima, stoic as ever, talking with a different receptionist.
Now, Oikawa has a huge amount of pride (as Ushijima never fails to mention) so he’ll hop into a grave and die before he ever admits that he finds Ushiwaka cute. Hot, even, when you consider that side-profile and gorgeous hazel eyes. Yes, the spiker gets on his nerves with zero brain-to-mouth filter and his brutal honesty, but Oikawa can always count on him to say it in earnest. The way he criticises with no true ill-intent is admirable, while also being extremely annoying.
Ushijima is a good person and it pisses Oikawa off.
Oikawa doesn’t get why he likes him. It’s not like he wants to- he’s his rival for god’s sake, and they've always lost to him, even since middle school.
Yet he wants him anyway. Ridiculous.
“Captain, you’re staring again.” Matsukawa sneaks up on the right of him, and Oikawa shakes his head out of it.
“And is that blush I see?” Makki quips on his left. “You call us traitors, but Captain you sure seem to like our rival.”
“Get off of me you nusanses.” Oikawa shoves them off, whipping around to face them. “I don’t like him. I’m strategizing.”
“The hell you are.” Iwaizumi pipes up, and Oikawa gives him a look of anguish.
“You too Iwa-Chan? I was expecting them, but you?”
Iwaizumi laughs, patting him on the shoulder. “I know you better than anyone, and I know when you have a crush Shittykawa.”
Oikawa huffs, grumbling something about ‘Iwa-chan’s a bad best friend’ when Coach Mizoguchi comes back. The elder clears his throat, and starts his announcement.
“Alright team. Each of you will be paired up with someone, you can choose who. Once you do, tell me, and I’ll give you each your room key.”
Aoba Johsai starts pairing up with each other, and Oikawa and Iwaizumi fist bump. It was obvious that they were going to be a pair, they always were. They approached Mizoguchi to collect their keys, when the Coach paused.
“Oh wait, I completely forgot, one more announcement.” Everyone stopped pairing up to look at Mizoguchi. “There are an odd number of people on our team, which means one of you won’t share a room with a teammate, but with someone from another team. I have personally made the decision that that person will be Oikawa.”
Oikawa groans, looking at Iwaizumi, who looked mildly disappointed as well. He guesses it’s fair, since he’s captain, but that doesn’t mean he has to be happy about it.
“It’ll be a single bed, and we’ll find out who you're sharing it with in a minute. Here’s your key. Iwaizumi, you can room with someone else- we should have an even number of kids now.”
As Oikawa took the key from the Coach while Iwaizumi left him to find a new partner (It was Watari) he wondered who his roommate could be. He wouldn’t mind rooming with Karasuno’s captain, he seemed decent enough (and those thighs, hot damn). Futakuchi, though, is a different story and would probably try to kill Oikawa in his sleep. Terushima would just be a nightmare.
The other option Oikawa doesn’t even want to think about.
“So, what are the odds that your new roommate is Ushiwaka?”
Ugh, these two again.
“What are the odds that you’ll leave me alone?”
“Captain, don’t be that way! We’re looking out for you.”
“Sure. Don’t be too worried about me though- you two better not slobber all over each other in your room.”
Makki and Mattsun smile at each other. “No promises, Captain.”
“Ew, you love sick fools.” Oikawa escapes from their eyefucking to go find Iwaizumi, who’s chatting with Watari.
“Watachi, if you get frightened by Iwa-chan’s scary face, just call me alright? It’s quite a lot to handle.” Oikawa mockingly warns, which earns him a whack to the head.
“Shut up, Shittykawa, I pity the person who’s rooming with you.”
Watari giggles at them. “You two are terrible, but I’ll be sure to keep you posted, Oikawa!”
Iwaizumi glares at the libero.
“What? Captain’s orders.”
Oikawa’s heart swells. He loves his little kohai (Captains aren't supposed to have favorite kouhais but… if he likes Watari- a setter turned libero, might he add- just a little bit more than the others… well). He wipes away an invisible tear and pats Watachi’s head while Iwaizumi gawks at him.
What can he say? Everybody loves him.
It’s then when he feels holes drilling into the back of his head, and he turns around to catch Ushiwaka staring at him while his coach is announcing something.
Oikawa stares back. He doesn’t like being on the receiving end of such an intense stare, but he doesn’t like losing to it either. He doesn’t really know why he’s doing this, but he notices Ushiwaka’s expression softens, so much it almost startles Oikawa, and he starts to walk over. Surprised, Oikawa feels his cheeks heat up and his heart screaming at him, but he stays rooted in his place.
Ushiwaka reaches him, so close that if Oikawa took a small step forward his face would be in Ushijima’s neck. So this guy has no sense of spatial awareness, huh? This is no good for his heart or his reputation, but he stays there anyway.
“What do you want, Ushiwaka?” He breathes, a lot less confident than he wanted.
“We are sharing a room. I just thought you should know.”
Oh shit. So it is him. What god did he piss off today to deserve this?
“Oh.” Oikawa says as impassively as he can, checking his nails. “You do realize that there is only one bed, correct?”
It’s Ushiwaka’s turn to blush, though Oikawa’s not quite sure why he’s doing it. Oikawa’s the one who’s suffering, not him.
“Yes, I do.”
“So that means you’ll have to sleep on the floor.”
Ushijima didn't say anything, he just looked stunned. Honestly, Oikawa doesn’t know what the ace expected from him. The setter knows he’s being an asshole, but he can’t risk anything happening between them.
Too busy gauging Ushijima’s reaction, he doesn’t have time to block the wack that comes to the back of his head.
“Don’t be a dick, Shittykawa,” Iwaizumi scolded, and Oikawa rubbed his head to soothe.
“But Iwa-chan-”
“No, it’s alright Iwaizumi. If that’s what Oikawa wishes, I shall respect it.”
And then Ushijima sauntered away.
Iwaizumi has to physically close Oikawa’s open jaw.
“Ooooh, Ushi’s down astronomically bad!” Matsukawa laughs, and Makki joins in.
“He’s such a simp for you, oh my god.” Makki chirps, slinging his arm around Oikawa. The brunette didn’t even bother to shove him off- he just stood there, stunned.
Would Ushiwaka really just let him have the bed?
Seems an awful lot of trouble to go through for someone you hate. Oikawa puts that thought away for later- he can’t overthink about it now.
It’s just a week. With Ushijima. In the same room.
He’s so fucked.
--------
Oikawa’s already unpacked all his stuff by the time Ushijima entered their shared room, lugging his black suitcase and volleyball bag. Oikawa doesn’t acknowledge him- he just keeps flipping through the channels from on the bed where he’s lounging.
He finds a sports channel that features volleyball and he clicks, figuring he could at least take mental notes and improve his game while he’s here.
It’s almost pleasantly silent in their room, Ushijima unpacks swiftly while Oikawa relaxes, watching the setter on tv do a 2nd tempo quick. If the rest of the week is like this, Oikawa just maybe thinks he can stand it.
Of course, he was wrong about that.
“Oikawa, your products are taking up the entire space in the bathroom.”
Oikawa rolls his eyes.
“I fail to see your point.”
Ushijima sighs. “Where should I put my things, then?”
“I don’t know, make room!” The more of an asshole Oikawa is, the better.
He hears bangs and clicks, but resumes focusing back on the volleyball game. This time, it’s a back row attack, the libero getting the second touch and setting.
There’s a huge bang and what sounds like shattered glass from the bathroom, and Oikawa groans. He mutes the TV and asks: “What was that?”
“It may or may not have been your hair gel.”
Oh fuck no. Oikawa scrambles from the bed, dashing to the bathroom like his life (his hair) depended on it. Sure enough, his glass hair gel jar was smashed, clear bits of goo flown everywhere. Oikawa feels his whole body twitch with anger.
“Why the fuck did you drop this?”
“I didn’t mean to.” It was the most panicked Oikawa had ever heard Ushiwaka’s voice. It was new to see him have emotions other than stoic, and it was intriguing. But Oikawa was still pissed off and that bypassed his curiosity.
“I’ll help clean it up.” The ace started bending down, but Oikawa stopped him.
“Get up, and get out.”
“But Oikawa-”
“I’ll clean it. Get out.”
Ushijima sighed, and walked out of the bathroom like a defeated puppy. Oikawa would’ve thought it cute, but he had bigger things to worry about. He sighs at the broken jar on the ground.
Maybe he was a little too harsh over a jar of hair gel. It’s just to protect himself, he reminds. He can’t let his crush on Ushijima become something that he can’t let himself have. He absolutely cannot fall for Ushijima. The best way to prevent that is distance.
It hurts, he’ll admit, but it’s necessary.
He kneels on the cold bathroom tile and starts picking up glass.
---------------
Oikawa’s already taken a shower and is in bed watching a History channel special when Ushijima comes back to the room. It’s been two hours since the jar accident, and god knows where Ushi went during that time. Not that it mattered to Oikawa, but he came back right before curfew, 10:00pm.
“Hello, Oikawa.”
Oikawa grunts in acknowledgement.
Ushijima takes off his jacket, hanging it up in the closet. “What are you watching?”
“History channel special.”
“Oh. Isn’t that an American channel? Do you understand English?”
“I have subtitles on, Ushiwaka.” Oikawa takes his eyes off the screen to look at him, to find that Ushijima’s already watching the screen with intrigue.
“I did not know you had interest in aliens.”
Oikawa nods, turning back to the screen. The program was Ancient Aliens, a personal favorite of Oikawa’s. “I do. I think they’re cool.”
“Do you think they're real?”
Oikawa looks at Ushijima, face scrunched. “Are you mocking me?”
“No, no. Genuine question.”
Oikawa frowned and turned away, mumbling: “Yeah, I do. Don’t laugh.”
Oikawa buries his face in his arms, expecting a bursting laughter any second now, a declaration that Ushijima will use it as blackmail and to make fun of him to his team.
But he hears no laughter. Just silence, and then:
“I think it’s very plausible that they are real too. I mean, the universe is always expanding, there’s no way we can be the only life forms.”
Oikawa turns his face to Ushiwaka and it takes all he has to suppress a smile at how serious he's being. “That’s what I always say, but none of my friends believe me.”
Ushijima smiles, and Oikawa’s heart melts. The spiker doesn’t smile often, but when he does it’s soft, like an early spring morning. It’s just his top row of teeth showing, his eyes crinkled in a simple joy. He looks at Oikawa like he’s the most breathtaking thing he’s ever seen.
That gaze alone makes Oikawa’s heart flutter. It makes him feel appreciated.
“Well, I believe you.”
Oikawa is unable to hide his smile this time, so he turns towards the TV in a half assed attempt to cover it. He has a feeling Ushijima sees it anyway.
He hears Ushijima close the bathroom door, and lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding. Since when did Ushijima like aliens? Or at least acknowledge their (very possible!) existence? Oikawa physically feels his crush on Ushiwaka growing, no matter how bad he tries to suppress it.
Fuck his pride, he needs to talk to someone.
He rolls over, grabbing his phone from the nightstand.
Messages- 10:12 pm
------------
Alienkawa! ✌.(•͡˘‿•͡˘).✌: iwa-chan, help!
Iwa-zilla ಥ_ಥ: What is it now, Shittykawa?
Alienkawa! ✌.(•͡˘‿•͡˘).✌: Ushiwaka’s being cute (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞
Iwa-zilla ಥ_ಥ: Heh. I knew u liked him.
Alienkawa! ✌.(•͡˘‿•͡˘).✌: shut up! i’m trusting u w/ very delicate information! if u tell the Meme Team ur dead
Iwa-zilla ಥ_ಥ: Of course I won't. What did he do?
Alienkawa! ✌.(•͡˘‿•͡˘).✌: he believes in aliens!!!
Iwa-zilla ಥ_ಥ: Wow. U two r made for eachother.
Alienkawa! ✌.(•͡˘‿•͡˘).✌: it’s completely possible and u know it! Ushi just has good sense
Iwa-zilla ಥ_ಥ: Uh huh. Go to bed and don’t spontaneously combust for him, okay?
Alienkawa! ✌.(•͡˘‿•͡˘).✌: just who do you think i am, iwa-chan? i ain’t no simp!
Iwa-zilla ಥ_ಥ: Sure. GN.
Alienkawa! ✌.(•͡˘‿•͡˘).✌: night night! ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡ – ✧)
---------
By the time he’s done texting Iwaizumi (his best friend is a really slow texter, it’s annoying) Ushijima’s out of the shower, towel wrapped around his waist while Oikawa does his best not to look (he fails miserably, but he just hopes he wasn’t too obvious). Oikawa fully turned away, though, when Ushijima dropped his towel unabashedly to put on pants (who the fuck does that?). Trying to calm down the heat on his face, he scrolls through his phone until he hears heavy footsteps saunter towards the bed. He looks over and sees a shirtless Ushijima throwing pillows on the floor.
“What are you doing?” Oikawa asks as he tries to keep his eyes on Ushijima’s face.
Ushijima shrugs and continues to throw pillows on the floor while Oikawa stares at him in utter confusion. Maybe Ushijima was a psychopath.
Not like Oikawa cared. Whatever makes Ushijima more comfortable, he supposes.
He turns on his back, mentally preparing himself to sleep in the same bed as his fated rival turned crush. He hopes the ceiling has all the answers because his mind is coming up blank on how to deal with this without crushing on him a little bit more.
He could shove Ushijima off the bed in the middle of the night- no, that’s too mean, even for him.
He could pour ice cold water on him at like 3am- but Oikawa has a feeling that would backfire as well.
There was nothing he could do, really, except suffer (and maybe sleep).
When Oikawa notices that the bed hasn’t been touched in the last five minutes, he turns to the side, but Ushijima isn't there anymore. Great, now he’s disappeared on him too.
“Ushiwaka?”
“I’m here.”
The deep voice came from… the floor?
Oikawa scrambled under the sheets to the edge of the bed, peeking over it.
“Ushiwaka, what are you doing?”
Ushijima looked up at him like he was the weird one, his bushy eyebrows scrunched and head tilted. It reminded Oikawa of a puppy.
“I’m doing what you asked me to.”
“What I asked-“ Wait. Oh. “Did you think I actually meant that?”
“You seemed pretty serious at the time, yes.”
Oikawa let out an exasperated sigh, rolling his eyes. Ok, yes, this was really adorable. But Oikawa won’t let his feelings win, not this time.
“Suit yourself.”
Oikawa slides back over the edge and settles on his back, staring back up at the smooth ceiling. Yeah, he was going to let Ushiwaka sleep on the floor. It had been what he wanted anyway, right? To keep his distance. Ushiwaka’s a strong person. He’ll be fine. He probably sleeps on the floor at his house anyway like the weirdo he is. Oikawa closes his eyes.
Then he promptly opens them back up because there is no way in good conscience that he could let Ushijima sleep on the floor.
“Come on, you big oaf. Get off the floor so we can share the bed.”
He hears Ushijima shuffle up, and shift off the floor.
“Thanks, my back was starting to hurt.”
Oikawa chuckled silently and watched as Ushijima climbed into bed, taking the covers off and pulling them back up delicately like he didn’t want to disturb Oikawa’s current position. Oikawa was glad it was dark, so he could openly smile at how gentle Ushijima was being.
“Sure. Goodnight.”
Oikawa flipped over to his side, and fell asleep to the deep, even breaths of the (shirtless, holy shit) ace beside him.
------------
The next two days went smooth, to say the least.
They’d both get up at six to get ready for camp at eight, sauntering out of their rooms at the same time. Oikawa found that they maneuvered around each other well in the morning- Ushijima would go in the bathroom first, since he’s the quickest, and then Oikawa would come in and do his routine while Ushijima was putting on practice clothes. The system worked quite smoothly for both of them, and Oikawa would be lying if he said it didn’t feel a little domestic.
They’d walk down to the lobby together to grab breakfast at seven, but split up to sit with their respective teams (where, undoubtedly, Matsuhana teasing shenanigans would ensue- and sometimes Iwa-chan would join in, that traitor!)
They wouldn’t see eachother again till after the camp, when they walk back to their room separately. Oikawa would usually be there last, taking the time to hang out with his team before curfew. He’d often find Ushijma sitting on the bed watching volleyball, or reading a book.
Nights when he’s reading are the ones Oikawa likes best. On those nights, they say nothing to each other, going about doing things and slightly glad there’s company there to do it with.
Tonight- the third night- was a night Ushijima was watching TV, so a conversation blossomed the minute Oikawa stepped in the room.
“Hello, Oikawa.”
Oikawa took off his coat, shrugging it off of himself and hanging it on a hook before he continued to answer.
“Hey, Ushiwaka.”
Oikawa sat on the bed and stretched his arms as Ushijima scooted over to make room for the tall setter.
“How do you bond with your team?”
Ah, Ushijima- ever the straight- forward. Oikawa chuckled at this because Ushijima, the all powerful and naturally talented, is asking Oikawa, a person he’s won against all his life, for advice? The irony of it all has Oikawa laughing and almost falling off the bed.
“That was not a funny question, was it?” Ushijima inquired, sincere as always.
“Yes, Ushiwaka-chan, it was,” Oikawa wipes an invisible tear from his eye. “But why do you want to know?”
“Because, I feel like your bond with your team is a part of what makes you incredible, Oikawa. I think that we could get stronger if we learned a little from you.”
Oikawa smiled, but it was a condescending one, one that Iwa-chan had always said he looked ugly in.
“Why would I give you advice so you can just turn around and bite me in the ass with it later?”
Ushijima freezes, and Oikawa can visibly see him reasoning with himself. Ushijima- as stoic as he is- is also very easy to read if you look closely. He wears his heart on his sleeve- something as dangerous as it is endearing.
Oikawa is calculated, and likes to be in control of every move. Being forced to spend time with Ushijima, though, makes him feel like he’s dancing out of tune. The one thing Oikawa can’t control is his true feelings- he can only hide them. Unfortunately, his affection for Ushijima has grown every day since the first night, and he can’t stop it. Every time Ushijima smiles, or looks at him fondly, he falls a little more and curses himself for it.
But Ushijima’s still his rival, and there’s nothing, not even love, that Oikawa wants more than to win.
Ushijima stays silent, after that, so Oikawa gets up to take a shower. He regrets nothing, he reminds himself, not even the disappointed look Ushijima gave his retreating back.
---------
Oikawa is lying in bed, trying to will himself to go to sleep, but it’s almost impossible since he knows Ushijima is watching him like a predator to prey. He feels a little embarrassed that he’s letting it get to him, and even more mortified when he catches himself thinking ‘do I look good right now?’ like he could ever care about what Ushijima thinks of him. Oikawa’s patience with the Ace runs out quickly, and he turns his head to face him.
“Why are you staring at me?”
Ushijima blinks at him, startled from being caught.
“I- I’m sorry.”
Oikawa huffs. “That’s not a reason.”
Ushijima sighs. “I would just really like to know what it takes to be a good leader. You are charismatic and uplifting, and sometimes I feel like I scare my team into submission. I do not want to be that way.”
Oikawa lets himself laugh again, but softer, because Ushijima is insecure? It’s so unlike the character Oikawa built in his head for him that he almost feels sorry for earlier.
Almost.
But Ushijima’s being earnest with him, and it kind of reminds him of Kageyama’s behavior when he came and asked about how to be a good setter for his teammates. Oikawa doesn't like Kageyama in the slightest, but he admires his honesty and willingness to embarrass himself for answers. (Iwa-chan says that Oikawa is actually fond of Kageyama, but that old brute doesn’t know what he’s talking about).
Oikawa sighs. For now, he will allow himself to be a decent human being.
“Take your team to events. Hang out with them outside of practice. Notice when someone’s off, or needs to be accommodated for. Note their strengths and their weaknesses. Don't just pay attention to what they can do for you, pay attention to what they can’t. Think of your team as a family, not just a club.”
There’s silence and Oikawa briefly thinks that he’s wasted his breath when he sees, in the dark, Ushijima’s eyes sparkle and his mouth breaks into the most genuine smile.
“Thank you, Oikawa. I shall certainly keep these things in mind.”
It made Oikawa feel warm, like the day he helped Tobio. To be helpful, he supposes, is worth swallowing down his pride every once in a while.
“Sure.”
Yeah, this was definitely going to bite him in the ass in the future, but he can always self loathe later.
---------------
The next day at practice, Oikawa sees Ushijima talking with his team more, paying extra attention to them.
Oikawa sighs at the hole he dug himself that he might as well jump in and call it a grave.
Oh well. He’s always liked a good challenge anyway- what’s the point of beating Ushijima if he’s not at his best?
---------------
“Why do you despise me?”
Oikawa looks up from his meal, frazzled by the out of place question in the evening. Training camp just ended, and Oikawa took his dinner up to his room to enjoy before heading out with Aoba Johsai. Ushijima got food with him too, and they were eating silently until Ushijima threw a curveball out of left field.
“What? Where is this coming from?”
“Well, you don’t seem to have a particularly good attitude towards me. I just want to know why.”
Oikawa scoffs, because there’s a whole list of reasons why- but Oikawa doesn’t have the time or energy to go into detail so he gives the first answer he thinks of.
“I don’t despise you, Ushiwaka.” Which is true, and which is why he doesn’t look at him when he says the next thing. “I guess, I envy you.”
“Why do you envy me? I have nothing to be envious about.”
Oikawa snaps his head up to look at Ushijima, annoyance bursting through his seams.
“Are you insane? You’re amazing, and I’m not even a smidge as good as you, okay! You happy? Is that what you wanted to hear?”
He sees Ushijima shaking his head no, concern filled in his amber eyes. He was going to tell Oikawa that that’s not true, and Oikawa knew this, but he was too pissed off to let him say it. He didn’t want his sympathy. For once, he wanted him to listen.
“Because not only have I felt inferior to you volleyball wise, it’s personality wise too. You are such a genuine person and you never feel the need to hide and lie. You're so confident in yourself and your abilities. I worked so damn hard so that I could have an ounce of what you have. Don’t you know I’ve always been envious of you?”
“But why do you have to lie and pretend?”
“I have to be perfect, don’t you understand that?”
Oikawa’s shaking, jarred that Ushijima doesn’t understand that he has to be incredible for his team and make them believe it. He can’t just fall back on talent the way Ushijima can.
“Don’t you know you are already perfect the way you are?” Ushijima declares this with such clear sincerity, confidence and conviction that it makes Tooru want to strangle him. Who gave him the right to say something like that, like he actually believed it?
“What the hell are you talking about?”
“It is true that I want you to come to Shiratorizawa. It’s true that I believe Aboa Johsai is weaker.”
Oikawa growls. This is some shit apology.
“But, I’ve always admired you, and that fact will never change. In my eyes, you are perfect and you are talented. You have always been this way- I wouldn’t have asked you for advice if I didn’t think you were qualified.”
Oikawa just gapes at him, baffled. He tries, in vain, to search for any false words or joking undertones. Of course there’s none there. It’s Ushijima- the guy says what he thinks with absolutely no filter. Still, Oikawa is having a hard time taking such a blatant, genuine compliment.
“I also think you are beautiful,” Ushijima adds, face casual and almost impassive, like he’s just stating the obvious, like he isn’t making Oikawa’s heart do triple backflips right now. “And I think you are smart. And I like your personality. You never back down from a challenge and you are always sure of yourself, even if it’s a bit too much. In fact, I even find your witty remarks endearing, sometimes.”
For the first time since camp started, Oikawa has no idea what to say. So he does what comes to his mind first.
He laughs.
He laughs and he laughs and he laughs, genuine and loud, clutching his stomach and wheezing when he runs out of air. Ushijima just peers at him curiously, struggling to understand what was so funny. His face just made Oikawa laugh even harder.
“What is so funny, Oikawa?”
“Nothing, nothing, Ushiwaka-chan! Thank you for that laugh. And the compliments. I guess… you’re not too bad yourself.”
It’s Ushijima's turn to grow red, suddenly very interested in the lamented wood table.
They eat the rest of their dinner in silence, Oikawa trying (and falling) to forget the fact that Ushijima thinks he’s beautiful.
------------------
That night was a reading night. Ushijima’s glasses were perched on his nose (not unlike the ones Oikawa harboured at home, that he hated wearing so he neglected to bring them in favor of contacts), his concentration solely on Moby Dick. That type of book fit Ushijima, Oikawa thought as he hung up his coat. The type of book about stoic loneliness and destruction, a muted picture of grays. Oikawa more prefered The Great Gatsby or Pride and Prejudice when it came to American Classics.
Oikawa slipped off to the bathroom to take his shower. When he returns, Ushijima is under the covers and seemingly already asleep. Oikawa takes this time to admire him under the bedside lamp, the way the light catches the curve of his nose and casts a golden glow over his cheeks. His dark hair looks more of a greenish tint, and to his very surprise, Oikawa spotted freckles. Something so childish seems unsuited for a face as serious as Ushijima’s, but Oikawa thought it fit the ace he’s come to know.
Oikawa reaches under the light to flip it off, carefully creeping on the other side of the bed to slip in. Ushijima’s like a heater under the covers, and his body heat warms Oikawa’s naturally cold body right up.
This is nice. Oikawa thinks, as he turns away from Ushijima and sleep starts to pull at his eyes. This is nice.
Then there’s frantic rustling and rushed breathing, and Oikawa has no choice but to wake up from the clutches of sleep. He turns to the man beside him, concern washing over his face.
He turns to the clock. It’s 3am, hours after they both went to sleep.
It’s too early in the morning to not be sincere and it takes too much energy to put on his fake persona anyway.
Ushijima still seems asleep, but he’s wrestling with something. He’s thrashing and kicking like the sheets are restraining him, beads of sweat dripping down his face. His face was contorted into the most painful expression Oikawa has ever seen, and it breaks his heart.
Gently, he puts a hand on Ushijima’s shoulder to snap him out of it. When that doesn’t work, he shakes the hand, softly and then violently until Ushijima springs awake with a gasp.
“Are you okay?”
Oikawa’s never seen someone so unbreakable so utterly shaken.
Devoid of what to do, he places a tentative hand on Ushijima’s shivering back.
“I’m fine, just bad dreams.”
Oikawa’s eyebrows knit more. Ushijima’s firm muscles shifted under Oikawa’s hand, and he quickly removed it, cursing his heart’s racing speed. What does Iwa-chan say when he has bad dreams?
“Do you want to talk about it?”
“No, I’m okay.”
Oikawa stared at him a little while longer, watching Ushijima concentrate on his hands, folded neatly on his lap, although trembling. Oikawa lays back down, observing Ushijima’s shoulder blades shift in the dark shadows of the night, underneath the thin sliver of moonlight coming from the curtain. He looked like one of those Greek statues in Tooru’s history books, all gray, smooth, and defined. Amazing.
Oikawa turns on his side away from Ushijima. He realizes he is utterly failing in his mission not to fall for Ushijima even more- but he can’t help it.
He feels a weight shift behind him, and peeks over his shoulder to spot Ushijima reclining beside him. Oikawa turns on his back, watching the shadows of the moon dance on the ceiling. Since Oikawa had shifted closer when they were sitting up, their shoulders were now pressed against each other lying down.
Oikawa wanted to hate the reassuring warmth, but couldn’t bring himself to. As maddening as it is, Ushijima’s presence always feels reliable. A comfort, of sorts.
“Good night, Oikawa. Thank you for your concern.” His voice is a whisper but it ricochets throughout the room (or maybe just Oikawa’s heart).
“Sure. Goodnight.” Oikawa tries to feign apathy, turning his back on Ushijima once again and trying to focus on sleep- though it was hard when he started to feel soft breathing on his nape.
Really? Was it that hard for Ushijima to turn in the other direction? Oikawa huffs, and tries to suppress the little tinge of pleasure he gets every time he feels Ushijima’s warm puff of air.
--------------
Today is a bad day.
Oikawa couldn’t land any of his jump serves, and his sets were completely off today. He couldn’t seem to do a single thing right, and his head was bursting at the seams with all the thoughts he never wanted to have. Sometimes, the voices in his head scream at him, tell him he’s not good enough, that he can’t do anything.
On bad days, he believes them.
He’d been doing well the entire camp too, today was the last day, and Oikawa thought he could end on a good note. He’s been taking his meds (thanks to Iwa-mom’s nagging) and the voices were quieter than ever before.
Over the years, he’s gotten better at controlling his thoughts, and he hasn’t relapsed in over three years. He’s happier, and he’s finally gotten to a point where he can love himself and believe it. But it’s hard to feel like you belong when you are constantly outsmarted by geniuses, when you constantly see yourself falling behind no matter how hard you work.
It makes him irrational, itchy, and anxious and he doesn’t want to be in his skin.
He skipped the team outing because of his mood, knowing he couldn’t enjoy himself even with the distraction- so now he’s sitting on the bed three hours before curfew, on the edge of breaking himself in half.
He should have known being by himself wouldn’t work.
He scratches his wrist for the nth time, ignoring the scars there, trying to keep his mind off of what his skin is crawling for. He needs to talk to somebody, anybody, before he does something he regrets.
He grabs his phone, dialing Iwaizumi’s number and praying he’d pick it up.
“Yo, Shittykawa, this better be good, Makki and Matsun are-”
“Code Red,” Even Oikawa couldn’t hide how shaky his voice sounded. Iwaizumi shuts up immediately, and Oikawa can tell that he’s going to a more secluded location.
“Give me a number.”
Oikawa breathed. He hated bothering Iwa-chan for this, but he knows that the latter would rather have him do it. “F-five.”
“Shit, Oikawa.” Now Iwaizumi sounded panicked too, and that just threw wood on the already blazing ‘this is all your fault’ flame. “Don’t do anything stupid, please. I can’t come to you right now, we’re an hour away, fuck-”
“I’m sorry, Iwa-chan, I’m sorry,” Oikawa’s crying now because the concern in Iwaizumi’s voice is scaring him even though he knows it’s because of him- which makes him feel even more guilty.
“Don’t apologize, take deep breaths okay, everything’s going to be okay. I need you to pace yourself with me, can you do that?”
Oikawa tries his best to match his breath with Iwaizumi, wondering how a self loathing session turned abruptly into a panic attack. He hated how being in a bad mood triggered his anxiety, how weak and fragile he felt because of it.
He lets out a breath. I can do this, he tells himself.
At that moment, Ushijima walks in the room and Oikawa wants to throw himself off the bed to hide, because the last thing Oikawa needs is Ushijima seeing him this vulnerable, this broken. But the setter can’t find it in himself to do so as he stares into concerned hazel eyes, letting himself find comfort in them.
“-kawa? Oikawa? Tooru!”
Oh right, Iwaizumi.
“I’m fine, Iwa-chan,” Oikawa whispers. “Ushiwaka’s here.”
Iwaizumi lets out a sigh of relief. “Okay. You stay with him, alright?”
Oikawa makes a noise of confirmation and hangs up, still staring at Ushijima from the bed. The ace drops his coat and bag at the door, immediately coming to Oikawa’s side but doesn’t touch him, which Oikawa is thankful for.
“Are you alright, Oikawa?”
Oikawa registers that his breaths have slowed down, and he’s grateful for the distraction that Ushijima brings.
“Yes, I’m fine,” Oikawa lies but it doesn’t even sound convincing to himself.
“No you are not. Do you want to talk about it?”
Oikawa hesitates and looks away. “No. I just had a bad day today.”
Ushijima nodded like he had a deep understanding of this, then got up to go back to the door. Oikawa wipes his eyes and follows his body, blinking curiously when Ushijima picks up the store bag. He pulls out it’s contents and saunters back over to the bed, handing Oikawa a package when he does.
“I heard that your favorite food was milk bread. I thought that you might have liked some, so I got it for you.”
Oikawa almost wailed again at the sight of his favorite food, but for an entirely different reason. Ushijima, the person he’s ‘hated’ since middle school and has been nothing but a bitch to, just offered him his favorite food. In no way does he deserve this treatment from him.
“Why are you so nice to me?” Oikawa questions tenitavely, hands still shaking from left over adrenaline.
“You have been nice to me, have you not?”
Oikawa gapes at him, because he’s been anything but. Ushijima’s look is earnest, though, but Oikawa still can’t bring himself to believe him.
“I almost made you sleep on the floor!”
“But you didn’t.”
“I refused to give you advice!”
“But you did the second time around.”
“I didn’t even help when you had your nightmare.”
“Your concern for me was genuine. You even wanted to talk about it.”
Oikawa looked at the milk bread in his hands, the pressure in his nose building up. Oikawa breathed. Ushijima’s right. He’s a good person. He’s a good person and he loves himself. He plays it over and over in his head until the voices start to die out, one by one.
“Thank you.” Oikawa sighed, and he knew the old Oikawa before this training camp would have a tantrum if he learned what he just said- but Ushijima has shown him unconditional kindness and this was the least he could do.
“Of course. I know what it’s like to lose to your own mind. It’s hard.”
Oikawa chuckled, picturing Ushijima struggling with anxiety and self-esteem, thinking that didn’t match up with the stable rock he seemed to be.
Another made up myth about Ushijima busted, huh.
Oikawa’s mind debated between what he wanted to do and what he should do.
What he should do is keep his distance, make up an excuse like taking a shower or going out to get food to get away from the ace, to try and stop his affection from expanding. He should tell Ushijima that he still hates him, throw a tantrum, and scold himself for it later.
What he wanted was to curl under the blankets with Ushijima wrapped around him, protecting him from the world both inside and outside his mind. He wanted to feel the skin underneath his shirt, wanted to know if his hair was as soft as it looked. He wanted to tuck himself under Ushijima and never be removed.
To Oikawa, the word 'should' has never been in his vocabulary. Oikawa has never had boundaries, never had a problem skipping over what he should do to get to the thing he most desires- even when his own logic goes against it.
Once again, Oikawa Tooru gets what he wants.
“Can I hug you?”
Oikawa askes tentatively, looking up into hazel eyes to let Ushijima know he’s sincere. Ushijima nods, and opens his arms.
Oikawa collapses into him, and relishes in the way Ushijima wraps his arms around him and tightens in a gentle squeeze that makes him feel safe. He breathes in the front of Ushijima’s shirt, closing his eyes, smelling the soothing scent of pine and maple. He wrapped his arms around Ushijima’s waist, hands settling on the small of his back. Ushijima starts rubbing circles into Oikawa’s back and he melts into the touch, enjoying how Ushijima’s fingers massage all the tension out of his body.
They stay like this for a while, Oikawa thinking about nothing except for the soft kiss he’s sure Ushijima had planted in his hair.
-------------
That night, the two slept curled up in each other's arms, breathing slow and even. Oikawa finally, finally allowed himself to fall for the boy who he knows has been waiting for him, who’s currently holding him like he is the world.
He could make this work, he thinks, snuggling more into Ushijima’s chest.
After all, Oikawa Tooru gets what he wants.
-----------
When they load the buses to travel back to Aoba Johsai, Oikawa finds himself feeling disappointed, to say the least. He wanted to see more of Ushijima, and really wants to see if he can make them work. Oikawa thinks that he can.
They had walked to the lobby that morning hand in hand, and every team in the room froze. Oikawa grinned devilishly, the power trip he got from the confused and terrified stares were enough to feed his ego for a lifetime. He spots Kageyama gaping at him and stares directly at him, prompting the other to turn away quickly. The orange one next to him, though, started smiling and babbling about something. Oikawa turns to Shiratorizawa, where Semi (the gray haired one) is choking on his drink, Tendou is smiling like a maniac, and Goshiki looks like he’s about to faint. He then turns his head to Aoba Johsai, watching with an exasperated smile as Makki and Mattsun pretend to make out with themselves with varying degrees of appropriateness, while Iwaizumi gives him a simple thumbs up and a wink.
All in all, it was chaos and Oikawa drank it till the very last drop.
When they parted ways, Ushijima gave a quick press to Oikawa’s cheek that had him dizzy all the way from the lobby to the bus, almost tripping on the steps when it was time to go.
Settled in his window seat next to Iwaizumi, he listens to music until he feels a tap on his shoulder.
“So, Ushijima, huh?”
Iwaizumi’s smug face is worse than his own, Oikawa thinks.
“Don’t tease me, Iwa-chan, that’s mean!”
Iwaizumi laughs, shaking his head. “So are you two official?”
“Nope.”
“Do you want to be?” Iwaizumi prompts.
“Yeah. I think I do.”
“Well, this is one hell of a turn of events.”
The duo laugh, and Iwaizumi snatches Oikawa’s ear bud and plugs it in his own ear. Taking the cue, Oikawa’s playlist starts playing, and the bus lurches forward.
About thirty minutes into the ride, his phone pings.
Messages- 9:30 am
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Waka-chan ʚ(*´꒳`*)ɞ: Hey, Tooru. I miss you already. <3
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Yeah, Oikawa thinks as he smiles to himself, I can definitely make this work.