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Pico’s house was always lively and bustling in some way. He couldn’t really say it was always enjoyable.
His parents can be pretty obnoxious sometimes. Pico’s just hoping they don’t make an ass of themselves when he’s having his boyfriend over.
His parents were soldiers. However, for men that are a part of the army, they aren’t necessarily stone cold and surly faced.
Actually, they can be really childish sometimes.
Suddenly, Pico noticed some soft knocking on the door.
Was he here?
BF would always try to do his best, giving off good first impressions, really going over the top to make everything turn out amazing. Really, he could do that without all of the miscellaneous bullshit; to Pico, he was already perfect on his own.
Pico was only thinking about this because honestly, BF could be really extra sometimes. He’d go all the way to get rid of any sort of casual attire, even his baseball cap.
Really, the worst part was the cologne he’d use. It just smelled.. so strong. Like, it stung Pico’s nostrils whenever he got a whiff of it. That’s how bad it would be.
Pico opened the door expecting his boyfriend to be all fancied up with some stupid cologne.
But, he got something completely different.
His hair was pretty messy, but it wasn’t a bad look. It managed to look kinda cute with the red cap he always wears. That white shirt with the cool looking red graffiti splattered on his chest, and some baggy jean shorts that were weirdly loose for jean shorts.
Pico smiled, and it felt natural to see BF like this.
Then, he looked down at his feet, and there they were. Those stupid ass oversized sneakers.
He scoffed, “Are you still wearing those things?”
BF rolled his eyes and huffed in response, “You know, I try to feel more comfortable and natural like you asked me to, and you’re still complaining!”
“I’m not really complaining. The sneakers just look ridiculous on you, they’re way too big for you,” Pico chuckled.
BF couldn’t really help but giggle himself, playfully elbowing his taller boyfriend in the arm.
“Ok, so.. before we sit down and stuff, I just wanna let you know,” Pico took a deep breath, ready to give BF a pretty big disclaimer about his dysfunctional household.
BF eagerly nodded, “About..?”
“So, my parents.. well, they can be really… how do I say this?”
“Are they mean or something?”
“Uhh,” Pico stammered, unsure how to answer that question himself. “Yes and no. I don’t really know. They can be obnoxious and kinda pushy, but.. I dunno how to describe it. They’re weird.”
BF giggled, “They sound kinda funny, I’m sure it won’t be too bad.”
Over the course of their relationship, Pico would pick up a lot on BF’s mannerisms and reactions, all sorts of little quirks of his.
BF is a bit shy, and can be really socially anxious. Because of that, when he feels a bit too overwhelmed or nervous, he’ll freeze up and pretend like he can’t speak English.
It was kind of humorous, but at the same time, a bit sad to watch. Regardless, Pico gradually learned how to clearly understand these things about his boyfriend. It was vital, after all.
“Alright, just know—“
“WHO THE FUCK IS THERE?!”
Are you serious..?
Both of his parents were all suited up in their uniforms, visors and everything. They pointed their guns straight at the two boys.
“U...uh…” BF was paralyzed with fear, and he couldn’t form any sort of sentence. He barely uttered any sort of sound from his mouth, he merely just stood there, mouth wide open.
Pico scowled, “Dads, calm the hell down! It’s just my boyfriend.”
“Dads..?” BF was thinking out loud.
One of them guffawed, “When did you ever get a boyfriend?”
This was a lot for BF to handle.
Pico sighed, “Ugh.. that isn’t important. Can you guys please get out of your armor?”
BF attempted to speak, but… the result was just a small, squeaky beep that crept out of his mouth.
“The fuck was that?” One of them spat out.
This was a disaster, and it literally just started.
Pico took BF’s hand in his own as he tried to calmly introduce him to his parents. “So, these are my dads. They may seem kinda scary, but they’re just—“
“The name’s John, little bud. I’m the proud captain of a strong army!” One of Pico’s dads abruptly cut off his son that was just trying to simply get through this night.
“I’m Steve,” The other man introduced himself, a silly little grin on his face. Unlike John, his goggles were more circle shaped and horn rimmed compared to the other’s square framed goggles.
Pico gently whispered in his boyfriend’s ear, “It’s ok if you’re nervous. I can introduce you to them if you want.”
BF needed to stop depending on other people so much to do simple things like this. He knew for a fact that he was old enough to speak for himself, and he should’ve had a better time with this a long time ago.
He felt bad, constantly having to rely on Pico just to translate a few simple sentences. All because he was too childish and immature socially to speak up.
He felt stupid.
He took a deep breath, ready to introduce himself… “I….beep.”
Shit.
“Does he speak English?” Steve whispered to his son.
“Yes, he does. Just.. give him a minute, ok?”
This was going to be troublesome, wasn’t it?
But, something snapped in Pico’s brain. He was sure how to get BF riled up enough to speak. Despite his boyfriend being shy, he was sure as hell vocal about certain things.
It was simple, but Pico muttered to himself, hopefully loud enough for BF to hear, “Water’s wet.”
BF immidiately pipes up, his voice squeaky, yet somehow still melodic all the while screaming at the top of his lungs, “We aren’t gonna have this fucking conversation again, Pico!”
“Listen, just hear me out—“
“No! Water MAKES things wet. Water itself isn’t wet!”
“How do you know that?” Pico stifled a chuckle.
“BECAUSE THAT ISN’T—beep!“
BF had just realized the tangent he went off on; and he felt so stupid.
“I’m so sorry, I’m so sorry,” BF was profusely apologizing and clasping his hands together, looking directly at Pico.
“Heh,” John chuckled. “Pico, you picked him right, huh? He’s like you, but quiet and cute.”
“Oh, shut up! Stop embarrassing us!” Pico was all flustered.
“So, Pico said he wanted to fly…”
“You guys can’t tell him about that!” Pico buried his freckled face, all rosy with embarrassment in his hands.
“We tied a balloon to him!” Steve exclaimed. “He was real high..”
“Then I had to shoot it down, cuz’ otherwise, he’d die,” John added.
BF couldn’t stop laughing. Maybe, despite the first appearance, Pico’s dads were actually pretty nice.
“Psst, Pico,”
“What?”
John was about to open his mouth again, and Pico immediately stopped him. “No, I’m not going to let you recruit him.”
“Aww, come on!”
“No, dad. I’m not letting you send my boyfriend off into war. Or get involved with guns n’ shit. Leave him out of it,”
“And ya think doing some gay little rapping is any sort of fun? You kids are something else these days,” John sighed.
“Hate to break it to you, but I don’t enjoy blowing people’s brains out. It doesn’t make me happy,” Pico sneered.
“Hehe, blowing people’s brains out,” BF giggled.
Steve just started laughing uncontrollably at that alongside BF. He spoke through hysterical tears, “Aah, haha..! My God, that’s funny!”
It was all really stupid and chaotic, but Pico couldn’t help but smile. It felt domestic, in some sort of way.
Like a family holiday.