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Mark isn’t moving but, he looks like he’s run a marathon. His chest is heaving, and there’s sweat dripping down his face. He flicks the sweat away from his brow, and his fingers continue to move down the path of his sinus and to his nose. Ants, ants, ants . He chants under his breath like a prayer. His deft fingers move to his back. Pressing and scratching at his acne. He’s not sure what he’s looking for, but once he’s found it, he cries out. His roommate looks scared of him. They’ve pushed themselves up against the wall and look at him with shaky eyes. Mark feels horrible for scaring the nice boy.
“Jisung.” His voice is quivering and pitches when he looks at him. He feels his intestines shift. Please, God. Please help me. Something is crawling inside of him. He imagines what it looks like, his insides. There are 8 appendages. Each of them crawls up to join the moths in his stomach. He imagines what the spiders would look like sloshing around in his stomach. He can’t let them stay like that.
Under his nails are dirty, his nail beds are a bloody mess. He considered stopping. He didn’t want to get sick. Getting sick was bad. They’d drug him and fill him up with all sorts of bad things. He was going to put his hand back down, and then his stomach pulses. You’re dead, Mark.
Before he can think about what he was doing, he jams his fingers down his throat, dry heaving. He can hear Jisung’s sobs as he moves past Mark to bang on the door, asking for help. Mark ignores him and keeps trying to make himself throw up. He needs to hurry up. The nurses would stop him. They would put the spiders back into him.
Jisung let go of the door handle, which tells Mark that nurses were inside Jisung’s field of vision. He tries again, and just before Jisung gets back into his bed, Mark lets go. The smell is horrible, and a nurse had opened the door. He’s gotten sick all over his hands and his treasured Spiderman nightshirt.
Maggots and caterpillars are crawling around in his sick. He chokes and looks away toward the door watching as a familiar nurse comes in. She sighs, smiling sadly. He starts to cry. He doesn’t think this situation is enough to warrant crying, though.
“Mark.” She beckons him forwards.
He’s paralysed. He can’t move and it’s freaking him out. The vomiting didn’t help. He’s still sweating buckets and flushed to his chest. The bugs are back in his throat and, ants dance across his forehead. You’re a loser. You’re a loser. He lets out a cry to God. He’s been a good Christian, right? So why is he suffering? Please come and save me. Why is it him that has to suffer? He doesn’t belong here.
The nurse gathers him off of the floor into her arms. She had said something to him but, he’s not hearing it. Waves rush past his ears. He’s panicking. He’s remembered something important. The spiders haven’t come out yet, silly.
“Mark. Calm down.”
There’s a sinking feeling in his chest. It gets harder to breathe. Now his head is underwater. He’s drowning. That’s the only explanation. There’s fluid filling his lungs. It’s got a mucus-like colour to it and it feels like it too. He wants it out of him. He begins clawing at his chest with his hands. He’s desperately trying to save himself. Why is nobody helping? His hands are being bound to his body, so he screams out. They’re letting him drown. He sobs, and sobs, he’s too young to die.
There’s a light sting in his arm, and he realises what’s happening to him. They’re sedating him and he’s in trouble. He’s starting to feel tingly and sleepy. He’s being gathered up into the nurses’ arms. His heart is beating, his chest is heaving, and he hopes they feel bad. Someone’s stroking his head and he can’t make it out of his room before he falls asleep.
He hopes that when he wakes up, they get him new Spiderman pyjamas.