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“I’m scared, Pico.” Keith looked down the steep road with a worn-down helmet, raggedy knee, and elbow pads, and a skateboard held still with one foot.
“You’ll be fine! It’s not that bad.” Pico was holding his waist—an action that caused Keith to go tense—while he tried to help Keith gain the confidence to skate down the road. Keith was new to skateboarding, while Pico wasn’t. He decided to help Keith learn, but he isn't the best instructor since he’s only thirteen.
“What if I fall?” The sight of the road curving downwards made Keith feel sick.
“I’ll be skating right next to you, so if you do fall, I’ll catch you!” Pico squeezed his waist slightly, making the butterflies in his stomach flutter around.
“Alright…” Keith took a deep breath.
“On the count of three, we’ll both go, okay?” Pico let go of his waist, grabbing his own skateboard and setting it next to Keith.
He only nodded, trying so hard to breathe and not focus on the fact that he can't fully see the road’s slope.
“Three,”
I can do this.
“Two,”
I can't do this.
“One!”
I CAN'T DO THIS!
Too late, Pico had pulled Keith by his wrist, letting go once he had gained his balance back. Keith wanted to scream, but he couldn't, he wasn’t even breathing. He closed his eyes as he felt the air hit his face and body, causing loose strands of hair and baggy clothes to fly around.
“Keith, you need to breathe,” Pico had to slightly yell because of how loud the wind was.
Keith finally opened his mouth, breathing again. His eyes stayed closed however, he felt like something would get flung into his eye and he didn't want that.
“Uh oh,” Pico said in his normal voice, Keith heard, however.
“Uh oh, what?!” Keith opened his eyes, just barely squinting.
Pico was looking down at his skateboard, he was getting multiple speed wobbles. “Uhm, Keith? You might-”
Before Pico could finish, Keith’s skateboard had flipped under him, causing him to fling off of it. He rolled a bit before slamming into the back of a car, making a huge bang!
“Shit-” Pico got off once he got to the bottom of the road, instantly kicking his skateboard into his hands and running up the hill to where Keith had tumbled. By the time he got there, Keith was already on his hands and knees, breathing hard.
Pico was panting from running uphill, but he still managed to say something. “Are you alright?” He kneeled down to Keith, putting his hand on his shoulder.
Keith sat up, slowly moving his legs out to sit on his butt properly. He took a deep breath, holding his hands out. “You said you’d catch me…”
Pico frowned. “I know, I’m sorry. It happened so fast, I didn't really have time to react.” he cupped his face, seeing a small scrape on his upper cheek.
“It’s fine,” Keith looked at Pico, his eyes were watery. “It stings really bad.” He looked down at his hands and knees.
Pico held his hands from the back, looking at his palms. “Yeah, I bet. You got yourself good.” He planted a soft kiss on both his palms.
Keith snorted at his action. “You’re so dorky…” He looked away, flustered.
Pico grinned up at him. “You love it, though.”
He couldn’t help but smile, it was true, he loved how lovey-dovey he can get. Pico cupped his cheeks again, being careful of the scratch. He leaned in a bit, silently asking.
Keith wordlessly agreed, closing the gap between them in an awkward kiss. It wasn’t much, just smooshing two pairs of chapped lips amongst another for a quick second. Neither one of them really knew how to kiss other than what they have seen their parents and actors on TV do.
“My dad’s gonna be so mad when he sees me like this…” Keith sighed, gaining back his normal anxiety.
“Why?” Pico was preparing for a dumb answer, he always got one in return to his usual ‘why?’
“Because he said he doesn’t want me skating. he said it was gay or something…” He mumbled a bit.
“Okay, how on earth is skating gay?! ” Pico didn't expect the answer to be that dumb.
“That’s what I asked and he just said ‘Because it is!’ and I didn't argue because he was in a bad mood.” Keith sighed, looking at his torn pants.
“I mean, you can just say you fell.” Pico tried to help.
“Pants don't tear like this from simply falling.”
“Uhh… He won’t get upset over torn jeans, right? It’s a style trend after all.”
“He said only sluts and whores wear torn jeans…” He looked away.
Pico scoffed. “Really? My god… Well, I have some pants at home that look similar, c’mon.” He grabbed Keith’s wrists and pulled him up, grabbing his skateboard so it wouldn't roll away. Keith dusted himself off before walking with Pico.
Luckily, his house wasn’t too far, just a few blocks away. Normally they would skate their way there but Keith was too scared to get on the skateboard again; Pico didn't blame him.
They got there in about ten, not too bad considering Keith was limping. Pico offered to carry him but Keith objected to the idea. He didn't force him. When they walked in, they could hear something sizzling in the kitchen.
“Hey, big man! You back already?” John yelled from the kitchen.
“Yeah! Keith’s here too.” Pico dropped the skateboards by the door.
John had peaked his head through the kitchen into the living room. “Well, you two came back at the right time, Steve and I just finished having our own fun.”
Steve should’ve said something, but he was so used to the dirty jokes that he had given up.
Pico and Keith couldn't help but giggle at the joke.
“Is he staying for dinner?” Steve asked, still in the kitchen. He was probably the one doing the actual cooking.
“No, he just needs a new pair of pants and to be cleaned up.” Pico was about to bring Keith to his room, but his dad stood in the way.
“Geez, what happened to you?” He looked Keith up and down.
Keith stuttered a bit, he was always nervous talking to both of Pico’s dads. “U-Uhm, I fell while skating…”
“You should’ve seen him! He practically did a flip and then went face-first into the back of someone’s car!” Pico held Keith a bit closer, making him blush.
“Hm, is that so? Well, you know where the first aid kit is.” John ruffled both of their hair before walking back to either help Steve or pester him—in a loving manner of course. Keith smiled as Pico walked him up to his room.
“It might take me a minute to find the jeans, so just chill or something while I look for them,” Pico said as he walked straight to his dresser.
Keith sat on Pico’s bed, feeling the soft blanket. He sat awkwardly on the edge, not really wanting to sit on his bed fully and ruin it somehow. Pico’s room wasn’t too eventful, with plain green walls with a few plushies on his bed. He had a bookshelf but instead of books, it was different plastic dinosaur toys. Pico had always liked dinosaurs, he talked about them a lot, something about them being brave and scary. The two most noticeable thoughts, however, were the two pride flags he had hung behind his bed: A rainbow flag and the Gay flag. He didn't know they meant separate things until Pico told him.
“Here.” Pico threw the jeans at Keith, making him flinch.
“Thanks.” He got off his bed, grabbing the jeans.
“Don’t change yet, I’m gonna have to patch up your knees.” Pico had already left his room to grab the first aid kit.
Keith didn't really know what he meant by that so he just stood there awkwardly as he waited. Pico came back with a big first aid kit, plopping it on his bed. “My dads have a lot of first aid kits, so I grabbed this one hoping it would have the right stuff.” He looked at Keith.
Keith looked at the first aid kit, then back at Pico. He didn't really know what to do.
“Are you comfortable with taking your shirt and pants off so I can see where you’re hurt?” Pico’s voice was soft, trying not to sound demanding at all.
Keith nodded, putting the jeans down and taking his shirt and pants off. He set his house key on Pico’s desk. He was only in his boxers now, making him slightly embarrassed. They’ve changed in front of each other multiple times but since they started dating, it made Keith more nervous and embarrassed. Ever since he found out he liked boys, he always had the same self-degrading thoughts.
I can’t like boys! That’s bad!
It’s a sin, I’ll go to hell!
There’s no way I’m a f*g.
Oh god, what if people think I look gay?
I’m just confused, I can pray it away!
He did try to “pray the gay” away. He prayed every night hoping his homosexual thoughts would go away. Of course, it didn't work, it only frustrated him more. It was extremely hard to tell Pico he liked boys, despite knowing Pico wouldn't be anything but supportive. Pico had been out for almost a year before Keith had finally mentioned liking boys. The whole school knew about Pico. You would think that he would get picked on for it, but surprisingly he only got a few slurs thrown at him; which resulted in Pico beating the crap out of them. Keith had assumed since the school knew he had two dads, that they couldn't really make fun of him for it. Maybe they were scared of getting their brains blown out by one of his dads, so they refrained. Pico seemed to inspire other kids to come out as well, however, because another kid came out as bi about a week after Pico came out. In the span of a month at least two more kids came out. Pico’s popularity only grew from then, a lot of kids would ask him questions about how he figured out and how they should come out.
Keith could never be as brave as those kids.
He wished so badly he could but the fear of people knowing he likes boys absolutely disgusts him. It was a struggle telling Pico he liked boys. He had told them randomly while they were at the park, he just spat it out suddenly. Of course, Pico supported him, but the thoughts didn't go away. He didn't understand, he was completely fine with people loving who they want and being who they are, but when it came to him, he wanted nothing to do with the LGBTQ+ community. He just wanted to be a straight, cis man with no homosexual thoughts, but that wasn’t the case. He didn't tell Pico this, he didn't want him thinking he was homophobic because he isn't! He fully supports who people love and who they are. He just wished he himself was “normal” so to speak.
The worst thing was probably him figuring out he liked Pico. It caused him so much anxiety and pain, he didn't want to love his friend, he didn't want to love another boy, he didn't want this, he just wanted to like girls. It took another year for Keith to just barely accept his feelings. It helped a bit when Pico had asked him to be his boyfriend. It was awkward, but Keith said yes. He thought that maybe if he dated him, his feelings would subside.
Spoiler alert: it didn't.
His internalized homophobia got slightly better though, not so much violent and suicidal thoughts as normal. They were still very present, and he didn't stop trying to pray it away either. He never told Pico or anyone this. It was frustrating, honestly. But here he is now, dating his best friend despite his worst fear being dating another boy.
Was it ironic? Probably.
“Okay, this might burn,” Pico said, tearing a small white pack open. He pulled out a small napkin that looked soaked in some type of liquid.
Keith winced and gasped when Pico rubbed the pad on his knees, scooting back further on his bed as a lame attempt to escape. Pico held Keith’s thigh softly, rubbing the pad back on his scraped knee. Keith tensed up at both actions, one from external pain, the other being from internal pain. He tried his best not to move, but it stung really bad. The pain barely subsided when Pico had put two big band-aids on his knees once he was done cleaning them.
Pico kissed his now bandaged knees softly. “There. That wasn’t too bad, right?” He had both of his hands on his upper thighs now.
Keith looked up at him, teary-eyed. “You don't have to do that to my hands, right?”
“No, they should heal by tomorrow and you won’t even feel it.” Pico scooted onto his bed, making Keith shuffle back a bit. Keith moved his knees close to his chest, hugging them as he watched the other boy get into a comfortable position.
“C’mere” Pico held his arms out as if he were asking for a hug. Keith scooted up to the ginger, embracing him in a tight hug. He enjoyed the smell of his hair, always so soft and curly; he always wanted to play with his hair, loving how no matter how much he would play with his hair, it would always remain curly.
When Keith let go of him, he tried to scoot back to his spot but Pico had made him stay on his lap. He looked at Keith’s face, moving his gaze down to his neck then his chest, and lastly his arms. He ran his hands down Keith’s bare chest, down to his stomach. There wasn’t much pressure when he did, just a light graze. It made Keith go insane, his anxiety mixed with the butterflies in his stomach created a sense of euphoric stress. Something he didn't think he would enjoy. Pico had moved on to his left arm, running a hand down the backside of his arm while another hand held the back of his hand. While he skimmed his skin softly, his thumb ran on the inside of his arm. It gave Keith goosebumps. Once he got to his wrist, he did the same exact thing to his other arm, giving Keith even more goosebumps.
“You’re so pretty, you know that?” Pico was holding both of Keith’s hands gently, being cautious of his scraped palms.
Pretty.
To Keith, it was a feminine word. Normally men aren’t supposed to enjoy feminine things according to society—and his parents. But for some weird reason, it gave Keith a rush of serotonin. He didn't know why; he would much rather be called handsome! Right...?
“Pretty…” Keith sighed quietly under his breath, he couldn't help but smile and blush.
“You are,” Pico had placed Keith’s hands in his lap, cupping his face with his now free hands. “So very pretty.”
Keith smiled more, it was a dorky smile. “I don’t think that’s grammatically correct.”
Pico snorted. “Who cares? I’m being sweet right now.” He leaned in close, making their noses touch.
Keith giggled softly, leaning up a bit to kiss Pico. It was yet again a very awkward and fast kiss. They both knew they sucked at kissing, they both wanted to get better but they didn't really know how to learn.
“We really need to get better at kissing.” Keith moved his face a bit further than Pico’s, not wanting to breathe all over his face.
“You wanna practice?” Pico was mainly joking, but he wouldn't say no if Keith agreed.
“Really? How would we do that?” Keith’s cheeks turned a darker shade of pink.
“Uhm, well we could try different things I guess.” Pico’s thumbs rubbed his boyfriend’s cheeks softly.
“Okay,” His voice went small. “I’ll let you take the lead.”
Pico nodded slightly, waiting for Keith to sit more comfortably on his lap. Once Keith looked back up at him, Pico kissed him again. This time, however, he pushed a bit more onto him. Keith pushed a bit too, both adding pressure into the kiss. It lasted a bit longer than their usual kisses. They kissed like that for a moment before they stopped.
“How was that?” Pico asked.
Keith hummed slightly. “Hmm. Maybe not so, uh, rough?” He felt awkward asking.
“Alright,” Pico leaned back down slightly to kiss him again, this time, however, he was gentle, but there was still a slight pressure. He was more leaning into him, and Keith couldn't help but lean back into the kiss. This felt right. The anxiety Keith had felt was replaced with a more welcoming, fuzzy feeling. Something he didn't mind. They shared a few more soft kisses before Pico pulled away.
“How about that?” Pico looked sunburnt from how much he was blushing, it was cute.
“Better, I liked that a lot. I-I wanna keep doing that,” Keith looked away slightly, embarrassed for asking.
Pico moved his face back. “You don’t have to be embarrassed.” He giggled a little before kissing Keith softly again. They both kissed each other gently, both loving each moment. Keith scooched a bit closer to Pico, lightly wrapping his legs around the ginger’s waist. Pico moved one of his hands down to Keith’s exposed waist, squeezing it softly. Keith’s body reacted in a way he didn’t want it to, but he didn't seem to notice. They shared a few more kisses before Pico pulled back once again.
“Uh, Keith?”
“Hm?”
“You, uh…” Pico looked down at Keith’s body.
Keith looked down as well, seeing what Pico was referring to.
He had a boner.
Keith’s eyes widened as he pushed himself off Pico. “I-I’m so sorry! I didn’t-” He closed his legs and pushed his hands down to try and hide his erection, too shocked to finish his sentence.
“Keith, it’s fi-” Before Pico could finish, Keith had pushed him away slightly so he could get off his bed. He quickly got himself dressed, putting on his scuffed-up shirt and new jeans Pico gave him. He grabbed his shoes, quickly slipping them on.
Pico had grabbed his shoulder before Keith could run out of his room. “Keith, really it’s okay!”
Keith shook his head, shoving his arm away. “No, it’s not!” He held back his tears the best he could. As soon as he got the chance, he ran out of his room and straight out of the front door. Pico ran down with him, trying to stop him, but Keith had already slammed the door in his face by accident.
“Who slammed the door?!” John said, looking into the living room only to see an upset Pico. “What happened?”
Pico stood there silently, looking at the front door. “I think I made him uncomfortable by accident.”
John walked up to Pico. “How so?”
Pico blushed at the recent memory, he remembered the feeling against him and how it made his heart skip a beat. He sighed. “We were, uh, kissing and he uhm…” He took a deep breath. “He got a boner and I let him know and then he freaked out and ran away!” He spoke, not wanting to think about what he had just said.
His dad chuckled. “Sounds like something that happened to me and Steve. The only difference being I fucked him when it happened.”
Pico groaned and held his face. “Daaaaaaaaad! Please don’t joke right now!”
“Sorry kiddo, couldn't resist it.” He ruffled Pico’s curly hair. “Maybe he scared himself, y'know? You said Keith seems to be rather skittish ya?”
“Yeah, maybe…” Pico hugged himself in a way to comfort himself.
“Don’t stress on it too much, kid.” He patted Pico’s back. “Dinner’s done by the way. So, when you’re done thinking about your boyfriend’s dick, come eat.” He let a slight laugh pass his lips as he saw Pico’s annoyed look.
Pico pulled his phone out and texted Keith real quick before walking into the kitchen to eat dinner.
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Keith was sweating from how much he ran. He focused on so much negative stuff while running, he didn't feel the pain in his legs. His erection had gone away from all of the messed-up crap he thought of while running.
He saw his house now, just a few houses down. He decided to walk now, trying to give his tired legs a break. He thought about the moment again. He didn't know when it happened, he didn't even feel it… Why did it happen though? It couldn’t have been from the kissing, they did that a lot and it had never caused his body to react like that. Maybe he was daydreaming about things while they were kissing. Then he remembered the feeling on his hip when Pico had squeezed it, the warmth it sent throughout his entire body. Did he… Did he get turned on??
There's no way I got turned on from that! That’s wrong!
He almost walked right by his house, he was so lost in thought. His usual anxiety returned. He hated going home. The emotional, religious, and sometimes physical abuse he had to go through was sad. He felt around for his key to the house.
It wasn’t around his neck nor in his pocket. Oh god, he must have forgotten it at Pico’s house.
Keith did one more check, still not finding anything.
Great.
He felt tears prick at the corner of his eyes. He didn't want to deal with this right now, not after what just happened.
He took a deep breath before knocking on the door, praying silently that either one of his parents was in a good mood or his mom answered. His mom treated him better than his dad did, so he always felt safe towards her; even if she’s just as crappy.
The door opened. His mom looked down at him. “Oh, hi sweetie. Where’s your key?” She asked as she stepped out of the way to let him in.
Keith was silently begging she wouldn't ask, but of course, she did. “I-I left it at Pico’s house by accident.” No need to over-explain, over-explaining is a sign of lying, and yes he technically wasn’t lying but what he wanted to add was a lie.
“Why were you at his house? I thought you said you were playing down the road!”
When did his dad get here?
Keith got startled at the new, loud voice. “I, uh, I had to pee and s-since we were close to his house I-I used his bathroom, and I put my key on the counter so it wouldn't fall in the toilet like last time.”
God damn it, he over-explained.
There was an awkward silence as his dad analyzed his body language.
“What happened to your face?” His mom cupped his cheek, looking at the scrape.
“Oh, I fell while we were playing.” His voice wasn’t so small when he talked to his mom.
Before his mom could acknowledge him, his dad spoke again. “Whose pants are those?”
Keith turned to his dad, his anxiety only rising. He almost said “mine” but that would’ve been dumb considering he was asking who they were. He wouldn't ask that if he knew they weren’t his. “Pico’s.”
“Why are you wearing his pants?” His dad grew irritated.
Why was he getting so mad?
“When I fell, m-my pants tore, so he let me borrow his p-pants.”
Why was he stuttering so much?
“Where are your other pants then?” His dad crossed his arms.
“I- uh, left them there too by accident.” His voice was so small now.
“That’s two things you left at his house. Did you change in front of him?” His dad raised a brow.
Keith got super defensive. “No no no! I change in the bathroom! So my keys are probably still in my pants pocket at his house!” The lie was coming altogether.
“You said you put it on the counter when you used the bathroom.”
Fuck.
“I, uh-” He didn't know what to say. He forgot he said that. This always happens when you make up a lie on the spot.
“So, you just lied to us, huh? And you tried to hide the fact that you tore your pants?” His dad was mad now.
Keith couldn't quite catch his breath. “No! I’m not lying! A-And I didn't mean to hide it from y-you guys!”
Yes, I did. I’m sorry.
“You weren’t going to say anything about it.”
“I-I didn't mean to-”
Keith yelped when his dad grabbed his wrist.
“You know what liars get.” His dad’s words were cold and rude.
Keith felt himself start to shut down. He knew what was going to happen, and he really wasn’t able to deal with it right now. He glanced at his mom in a silent beg to do something, but of course, she didn't.
He already felt the tears escape his eyes as he completely shut off.
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After Pico ate, he went straight to his room to start winding down for the night. He noticed that Keith had texted him back.
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I hope I didn't make you uncomfortable in any way.
you didn't :3
sorry, I didn't see this till now
my dad found out abt the pants :(
Are you okay?
not really, but its nothing bad
I’m sure you know already too, but you left your keys here.
yeah, he got mad abt that too
but it's whatever
can you give them back to me at school tmrw?
Yeah, I’ll try my best to remember.
ur the best :)
143
What’s that mean?
it means ily basically, i learned it recently!
i (1) love (4) you (3)
i thought maybe we could use that instead of actually saying it because my parents check my phone and stuff and i'm getting tired of deleting all of our messages
Aw, that’s cute! We can do that.
yay!
i'm gonna have to delete that but idc
14344
1433
I can’t wait to see you tomorrow, Bee.
<3
i can’t wait either!!
oop. i need to go to bed, my dads coming to my room
gn <3
Gn Bee.
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Keith quickly deleted their conversation, he wasn’t supposed to be awake so he didn't want to keep it up. He shoved his phone under his pillow and closed his eyes, pretending to sleep. His door was cracked open, even though his eyes were closed, he knew it was his dad by the footsteps. Once his door closed again, he almost grabbed his phone again, but he decided to try and actually get sleep for school tomorrow.
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Darnell, Nene, Pico, and Keith were walking home from school. The day seemed to go by quickly, actually. They were all going to Pico’s house since his dads were off to work for the week. That’s how it usually was, they just came home on the weekends since their base isn't too far from their home.
“We should go on your roof and just chat! That’s always fun!” Nene suggested.
“How do we know you’re not just gonna jump or some shit?” Darnell elbowed her playfully.
Nene rolled her eyes. “Oh whatever! You always bring crap like that up!”
“It’s funny!” Darnell’s voice cracked mid-sentence. Puberty was hitting him hard.
Pico and Keith both ignored their argument, knowing in the end that Nene would win. The walk wasn’t long, it was about 20 minutes from school and they were already halfway there. It just felt like an eternity to Keith because Pico had decided to hold his hand. Keith wasn’t much for PDA, only because he didn't want people knowing he liked boys. Even though Darnell and Nene both knew, it was still a struggle for him.
Once they got to Pico’s empty house, they all walked in and set their backpacks down by the front door. Pico walked to his kitchen and saw a basket on the table with a note resting on top of it. He grabbed it, already knowing what was in the basket.
Hey Pico,
I know this isn't much considering what we usually pack for you, sorry for that. We got more snack items this time since we know you aren’t a big fan of cooking. Hope you enjoy <3
Steve
Pico smiled as he read the note, before they went to work for the week they always packed him a basket of different food they’d buy for him for the week. He put the note down and grabbed the basket, making his way to his backyard. The others followed him. Pico set the basket down and headed for the shed, grabbing a ladder.
“What’s that for?” Darnell asked.
“So we can get on the roof.” He opened the ladder and set it up so it led straight to the roof.
“Yay!!” Nene bounced a bit in excitement.
“Alright, one of you grabs the basket while you climb up. By that someone I mean Darnell.” Pico held the ladder in place.
Darnell groaned. “Why me?”
“Because I don't trust Nene or Keith to not drop it. Consider it an honor that I’m choosing you!” Pico smiled widely.
Darnell got a sense of pride. “Alright!” He grabbed the basket happily and climbed up the ladder.
Nene whacked Pico upside the head before climbing up the ladder. Pico giggled, already expecting it.
Lastly, Keith climbed up. He was slightly nervous but Pico hyped him up, he couldn't say no to that smile. Pico climbed up after all of them, seeing Darnell and Nene were already laying down and rummaging through the basket. Keith was awkwardly sitting near the top of the room.
“Hey, is it scary?” Pico grabbed Keith’s arm.
“Just a bit,” Keith blushed from embarrassment.
“It’s fine, I’ll scooch us down.”
Pico proceeded to sit down on the roof, Keith followed suit. He shuffled both of them down, sitting next to Darnell and Nene. Darnell and Keith were on the outside while Pico and Nene were on the inside. Pico laced his fingers with Keiths, and normally Keith wouldn’t mind, but this time he moved his hand away. Pico looked over at him for a quick second but dismissed it. His hands were probably dirty or something. He didn't know that Keith was so close to just sobbing.
“Please don’t eat too much because it’s supposed to last me till Friday,” Pico told the other two, grabbing two bags of chips.
They both silently acknowledged him.
Pico turned onto his side, smiling at Keith. Keith seemed to be staring into the sky, looking at the clouds. Pico decided to kiss his cheek real quick. Normally, Keith would get flustered and put on a goofy smile, but this time he almost slapped Pico when he pushed his face away.
Keith gasped when he realized what he did. “I didn't mean to slap you! I-I’m so sorry!” He didn't know what to do, he reached out to try and touch Pico but he stopped at all attempts.
Pico sat up, putting the bags down. “Are you okay? You’ve been acting off all day and you keep telling me you’re fine but I know you’re not. Please just tell me what’s wrong.”
Keith couldn’t hold his tears back anymore, he started sobbing into his hands.
“H-Hey! What’s wrong?” Pico sat up and pulled Keith closer, only making the boy tense.
“I-I don't-” He sobbed into Pico’s shoulder, getting snot and tears on his sweater. Darnell and Nene stopped eating and sat up to look at the situation. It wasn’t uncommon for Keith to break into tears but usually, it wasn’t this much.
“Is it something at home?” Pico asked quietly, running a hand through his hair and rubbing his back softly to try and comfort him.
“N-No, I just d-don’t what you guys thinking I’m bad,” Keith choked out.
“Keith, we’re not gonna think you’re bad. Even if you killed someone.” Pico wasn’t sure if that was entirely true, but he knew Keith understood that.
Keith sniffled, lifting his head lightly. “I didn’t kill anyone…” He took a deep breath, thinking if he should say it or not. After a few minutes, he mustered up the courage to finally speak about his issue.
“It’s really weird so bear with me,” Another deep breath. “I-I have this weird thing where I, uh, like- Okay, before I say it, please know I’m not homophobic or I’m trying to be homophobic, because I really don't care what people do in their life, but, uh… I always get these thoughts and stuff and I-I don’t wanna like boys but I’m fine with other people liking the same sex and stuff but when it comes to me, I don’t wanna like boys and I don’t know why! Because I’m totally fine with it but when it comes to me, it’s weird…” Keith was rubbing his face of any tears, that felt so good to finally spit it out.
“You know a lot of people struggle with that, Keith?”
Keith looked at Pico, confused. “Really?!”
“Yeah, it’s called internalized homophobia.” Pico took his hand out of his hair and set both of his hands on his hips.
Keith blushed and looked away. “So I am homophobic?”
“No, well, I mean towards yourself I guess.” Pico didn't really know the answer to that.
“Sorry to just butt in, but I struggled with it too Keith, so I understand how frustrating it is. Especially when you have strict, religious parents.” Nene commented.
“Wait really? How’d you make it stop?” Keith looked at Nene.
“Well, Pico and Darnell texted me every day with self-love comments and would always pamper me with compliments and stuff and I slowly gained more confidence in myself.” Nene tucked some of her hair behind her ear.
“We can do that for you if you want, Keith!” Darnell chipped in.
“You would?” Keith had his usual goofy smile back, making Pico happy.
“Of course!” Pico nodded, hugging Keith again.
He giggled a bit, obviously flustered. “Okay, I would like that if you don't mind.”
“I’ll do it too!” Nene said.
“You guys are the best, I love all of you, but specifically you, I love you a lot!” Keith looked up at Pico, who smiled and kissed him softly.
“Aww! You two are so cute together!” Nene held her hands on her face.
Darnell only rolled his eyes, he wasn’t much for PDA either.
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Keith was texting Pico while laying in bed, it was a Saturday afternoon.
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i rlly miss u :(
I miss you too, Bee
<3
i wish my parents would let me come over
they’re just upset that i didn't get to class on time even though they didn't drop me off till like 5 mins after the bell rang yesterday.
it’s dumb and stupid.
That is dumb, but there's not much you can do about it sadly.
We can text all day though.
// u
?
i looked up ways to say ily and it said that // means love so i said // u as in love u
Oh okay well // u 2
K3U
What’s that mean?
it’s kinda like I <3 u cuz the end of the K is supposed to be the < and the 3 is the heart and U just means you.
That’s clever!
ikr? i saw it and was like oooh
143
1437
what’s the 7?
Forever.
AWW YOU LOVE ME FOREVER?? 🥺
Yes, you dork lol.
hold on my mom’s coming into my room
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Keith quickly deleted most of the texts. His mom knocked before coming in. “Lunch is ready, sweetie.”
“Okay! I’ll be out real quick, let me just tell Pico real quick.”
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i need to eat lunch, i’ll text u l8r :3
Alright ttyl.
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Keith set his phone down on his bed and walked out, hugging his mom on the way out. She ruffled his hair but stayed in her place. Keith didn't seem to notice. His dad was sitting at the table, his instant reaction was anxiety, but it subsided once his dad gave him a warm smile. “Hey, buddy!”
Keith smiled and rushed to sit next to his dad, he loved it when he was in a good mood. “Hi dad!”
His dad ruffled his hair, making him giggle. He started eating, Keith waited, however.
“You can eat, mom’s gonna be a minute.”
“Oh, okay, thanks!” Keith made sure to sound as happy as he could, not wanting to ruin this rare moment. He ate slowly, trying his best not to scratch his fork against the plate, knowing it irritated his father. He really wanted to talk about something, wanting to take advantage of this moment the best he can, but he didn’t because he’s not supposed to talk while eating.
“So, how’s school going? Your grades still good?” His dad looked at him every once in a while.
Keith nodded and swallowed his food. “Mhm! I still have A’s and B’s!”
Thanks to Pico’s help.
He didn't say that, it would only piss his dad off.
“That’s good, I’m so glad I could have a son like you.” He smiled at him.
It made Keith feel so warm and happy, he had to kick his legs under the table to try and act as a stim. “I’m glad I could have a dad like you!”
He really wasn’t, but at this moment he was.
“I also wanted to say sorry for yesterday and missing the beginning of class,” Keith said, just out of wanting more reassurance, but the silence his dad returned was telling him he did something wrong. He probably shouldn’t have mentioned it.
“It’s fine, we know you didn’t mean to.”
Oh thank god.
Keith only smiled, not knowing what to say after. They ate in silence for a bit longer before his mom came out. She sat down, placing what Keith thought was her phone down on the table. When he glanced at it, he realized it was his phone. Oh, she looked through his phone. His anxiety went up again, it always did whenever she looked through his phone.
She was silent for about a minute, Keith was hoping he deleted and hid everything. She looked at Keith after taking a few bites. “What does 143 mean?”
Keith responded a bit too quickly, he had thought of an answer for that question ever since they started to use that code. “Oh! It’s kinda funny! When Pico and I went to a convenience store once, there was this thing that was priced for $1.43 and it made me laugh because that’s an oddly specific amount of cents! So we kinda just send it to each other as an inside joke!” Keith thought it was a good lie that he perfected over the months.
“What about 1437?”
“Kinda the same story, except it was $14.37!” Keith’s anxiety didn't go away, but he was definitely good at hiding it.
“Oh really? Then how come when I looked it up it said it means “I love you” and “I love you forever” Hm?” His mom was giving him that look, she knew he was lying.
God damn it.
“Oh, well I guess that’s ironic huh?” Keith felt so small, it was getting harder to breathe with the amount of anxiety he had.
“Keith, quit the bullshit, why are you texting Pico that? You’re not gay are you?” His mom was cussing now, she was mad.
Keith looked at his dad briefly, only to see he looked pissed as well. There goes the afternoon…
“W-We don’t mean it in that way,” Keith’s voice was small.
“What do you mean “that way”?”
“Like, love love. We just mean it as friends.” Keith started picking at his hands, feeling his eyes water.
Don't cry, please don't cry.
“Then why did you text him saying you enjoyed kissing him?”
Holy shit. Did he forget to delete that?? His face went pale as he tried to remember when he texted that. Was she just saying that to get a reaction out of him? Maybe he did delete it but she’s asking just to see if he’d admit to it. He’s taking too long to process everything, his mom snaps at him.
“Answer the question, Keith!”
He couldn't. He looked at his dad again, he looked shocked. Why did this have to happen now?”
“Did he really say that?” His dad leaned closer to his mom.
“Yeah, he really did.” She grabbed his phone, opened it—he had no passcode since his parents wouldn’t let him—and opened his messages. She scrolled up for a moment before stopping, showing his dad.
“Wow.” was all his dad could say. They stared at Keith.
He couldn’t help it anymore, he wiped his eyes as he cried. He silently sobbed, not wanting to make any noise. He could only imagine the punishment he was about to get, how painful it was gonna be. He didn't know if he could handle it right now. He couldn't. He can't. He can't do this.
“I take my statement back, Keith. I can’t believe I have a f*ggot as a son.”
His words hurt so bad. He rarely got praised by his parents and for it to be taken back hurt. To be called that slur hurt. Everything hurts. Why did this have to happen? Maybe if he kept telling himself he could change, maybe-
No.
Being gay isn't bad.
They’re the ones in the wrong.
Keith felt angry now, he snapped at them. “What’s wrong with it??”
“It’s a sin and you know that! It’s in the bible!” His father snapped back.
“But it also says in the bible that God loves everyone and that everyone is a child of god! What about that, huh??” Keith wasn’t thinking while he talked. “How do we even know if God even exists! The bible is just a stupid book someone wrote, why do we just believe it!!”
He crossed a line. He shouldn’t have said that.
His parents stared at him in shock for a good minute. The minute was torturous, it was silent yet so loud. Keith took a minute to fully process what he had said. He knew he messed up.
“That’s it. You’re out of this house.” His mom stood up, grabbing Keith’s arm and yanking him away from the table and down the hallway. He yelped at the sudden moment. “W-Wait what?! I-I’m sorry I didn't mean to! I promise I really am sorry!”
He heard his dad coming a few seconds later.
“Too late. I’ve had enough of you.” His mom pushed him into his room, making Keith stumble. He looked back, seeing his dad handed his mom an open trash bag. She opened his drawers, throwing most of his clothes in the bag. It filled it almost halfway. He watched her pack a few more things in the bag, he still hadn’t fully processed everything, it was so overwhelming. He almost screamed when his dad threw his backpack at him, holding all his school stuff. His mom packed the one stuffed animal he had. Even if she was literally about to kick him out, she still was thoughtful enough to pack that. She tied the bag closed and held it out to Keith.
“Take it.”
Keith put his backpack on quickly and gently grabbed the trash bag by the bottom of it, not wanting it to tear from the top. His parents walked out into the living room, Keith followed behind them. He was on autopilot right now, just doing whatever his parents told him. He shut off slightly, he always did when traumatizing things happened. He had endured so much trauma throughout his undeveloped childhood that his brain would just shut off to try and save him from having to go through even more than what he could handle.
His mom opened the door and pointed to the outside. Keith looked outside, then back at his parents.
“Leave.” His dad said.
Keith was crying so much, but his face didn't show it. Only streams of tears ran down his face. His mom handed him his phone before pushing Keith outside, causing him to yelp and fall onto the floor. Before he could get up, he heard the door slam shut. He looked back while getting up, seeing the door closed. He picked up the trash bag again, only staring at the door. It took him a few minutes to finally walk off slowly. He went straight to Pico’s house. He probably should’ve called him, but his brain was still trying to process everything that happened, so he didn't think to call him. Keith was unknowingly grateful that it was only the afternoon and that the sun was still out, because with his state right now he could easily get kidnapped or killed without even realizing it.
It took five minutes to walk to Pico’s house. He was in the same neighborhood so he wasn’t that far. He saw that both of his dad’s cars were in the driveway. He felt a lot of guilt coming over, he knows that Pico doesn’t see his dads often and he didn't want to take that attention away from him. He sighed, gripping the trash bag better as he walked up the driveway to the front door. He stood there for a few moments, he could barely hear the TV playing a movie. He took a deep breath before knocking softly.
It wasn’t a long wait, Steven opened the door and smiled down at Keith. “Oh hey, Pico didn’t say anything about-” He stopped himself once he fully saw him, the tears, the bags, the look on his face. “Oh, oh Keith, come inside,” Steve brought Keith in, closing the door behind them.
“Oh, hi Bee!” Pico looked over, then he saw Keith crying. He got off his dad’s lap and ran over, immediately hugging him. “What happened??”
John walked over to see what was going on. Steven took the trash back from Keith, allowing him to hug Pico back. He sobbed, he couldn’t hold it back anymore. “M-My mom found our texts, she found out what the numbers and other stuff meant, and she found some texts I forgot to delete, a-and they both got mad and I got mad and said some stuff I shouldn’t have said, and then she started putting my stuff in the bag and then pushed me outside and told me to leave!” He held onto Pico tightly, he needed that safe feeling he got when he was around him.
Pico didn't know what to say, he just held Keith close and looked up at his dads. John touched Keith’s back, causing the younger boy to flinch. He cringed and pulled his hand back. “Are you hurt?”
Keith shook his head. “No, not physically.”
Not physically.
He was implying that he was hurt mentally, and they didn't blame him.
“Do you wanna lay down in my room? We can lay down together.” Pico suggested. Sometimes, when he’s sad he likes to lay down and relax, it always made him feel better.
“Yeah, that’d be nice.” Keith lifted his head off his shoulder and wiped his face with his sleeves.
Pico smiled softly at him. “Alright, c’mon.” Pico held his hand and walked him to his room. His dads walked with him, Steve was still holding the trash bag. When Pico opened his door, he sat Keith on the bed, looking back at his dads. Steven placed the trash bag by the door, he noticed that Keith was eyeing the bag.
Pico looked at Keith, then the bag, then back at him. “Is there something in there you want?”
Keith nodded. “My stuffed animal…” He muttered. He was always embarrassed about it even though Pico had plenty on his own bed. Pico nodded and went over to the bag, tearing it open since the top was knotted closed. He grabbed the plushie that was on top of all the clothes and handed it to Keith. The boy smiled and held the plushie close to him, it was one Pico had gotten him a while back for his birthday.
“I’m gonna leave the door open,” John said before both his dads left. Pico laid down, holding his arm out for Keith, giving him an invitation to cuddle. Keith smiled softly and took his backpack off, sliding it off his bed. He crawled over and snuggled into Pico, laying his head on his chest as he held his plushie.
Pico kissed his head. “You’re safe now, don't worry.”
Keith felt so happy, he did feel safe. Maybe it was good that he was finally out of his house.
Pico grabbed his phone and started scrolling on different social media apps, different audios would play as he swiped through different videos. Keith decided to do the same, resting his phone and arm on Pico’s chest.
They stayed like that for a moment. Pico looked over at him, Keith was frowning, he could tell he was still upset. He didn't blame him for it, he just wanted him to try and cheer him up. He opened his messages and texted Keith something, hearing Keith’s phone bing. Keith looked up at the notification and snorted. “Really?”
Pico giggled, making Keith smile. There it was, that adorable and well-deserved smile. He deserved the world, Pico knew that, so he was going to do whatever he could to make sure Keith knew that as well.
“God, you’re so dorky!”
“You love it,”
“Yeah, yeah whatever.” He leaned up and kissed Pico, it was rare for him to take the lead when they kissed. He sat up and bit and straddled Pico's hips, kissing him more. Pico held his hips while they kissed, both of Keith’s hands were on his face. They kissed for a minute before Keith opened the notification and texted something back.
Pico’s phone dinged, and when he saw the notification, he couldn't help but laugh.
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1437 Bee <3
1437 too pico <3