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Sizhui knew he was too old for the Bunny books. At thirteen he was supposed to be reading chapter books and he did read chapter books. He liked ones about fantasy creatures and gods and where people thought they were right but then figured out they were wrong. When he went to the bookstore down the street from their house he always made sure to check out the young adult section.
But he always went the long way around, through the children’s area, with its comfortable rugs and low chairs, and he always stopped to look at the Bunny books. “Red Bunny has a Bad Day”, “Blue Bunny’s Birthday Party”, “Red Bunny and Blue Bunny Go to School”, “Blue Bunny’s Sick Day”, “Red Bunny and Blue Bunny have a Picnic”, and, most especially, the very oldest of the Bunny books, the one you can tell is the oldest because the drawing style is still a little uncertain, “Red Bunny and Blue Bunny are Friends”, where Red Bunny is a clever little bunny going to the field for the first time and Blue Bunny is a shy little bunny who likes the flowers and Red Bunny tramples the flowers and Blue Bunny gets mad and they have a fight but then Red Bunny brings some seeds and they plant new flowers and watch them grow.
Jin Ling found out Sizhui liked the Bunny books when they were eleven and made fun of him for a year, but Jingyi gave him a pair of Red Bunny/Blue Bunny stuffed animals with magnets in them so they hugged if you got them close enough, which is why Jingyi is Sizhui’s best friend and Jin Ling is just someone Sizhui hangs out with sometimes.
Dad doesn’t make fun of Sizhui either. Dad doesn’t ever make fun of anyone, but when Sizhui is sad or sick or hurt and wants to curl up beside him and have him read him the Bunny books, Dad doesn’t say “you’re too old” or “why don’t I read you a more grown-up book?” or “only this once”.
Instead, he nestles Sizhui against his side, and wraps his old blanket around him, and reads the books in his quiet, deep voice, doing all the bunny voices just the way Sizhui likes them, as seriously as he did when Sizhui was three and sad and lonely and brokenhearted and Dad would read the books to him all night long if he needed him to.
Sizhui has always wondered if Dad adopted him because he was sad and lonely and brokenhearted and Dad was too. Dad has never said anything about it, and neither has Uncle Xichen, but Sizhui knows that something happened to Dad around the time he was adopted, probably sometime in the fall, because that’s when Dad is the saddest. In the fall sometimes Sizhui finds Dad sitting in his favorite chair in the window, running his fingers over a flute that he’s never heard Dad play, listening to music he doesn’t listen to at other times of the year, staring absently out the window, and once or twice he’s even seen Dad reading the Bunny books to himself.
It’s the worst around Halloween, Sizhui knows. On Halloween night Dad sends Sizhui off to Jingyi’s house and spends it alone.
“Are you sure you’re going to be okay?” Sizhui asks, checking to see if his costume is on right. He and Jingyi and Zizhen are going as the three blind mice. Jin Ling is going as Captain America.
Dad gave Sizhui that half-smile that meant that he was trying but he didn’t really have it in him and said, “don’t worry, little kit; I’m going to be okay.”
The week after Halloween, with the air full of the smell of cold and falling leaves and jack o’lanterns still rotting on people’s front porches, Sizhui ran up the steps of the bookstore down the street from their house and stopped, looking at the window.
“Author reading: Wei Wuxian, author of the Red Bunny/Blue Bunny books! This Saturday!”
There was a new Red Bunny/Blue Bunny book in the window; ‘Red Bunny and Blue Bunny Go on a Trip,’ the title read.
Suddenly Sizhui got an idea; he’d ask the author to sign one of the books to Dad, thanking him for being such a wonderful father. Dad would really love that, Sizhui thought.
He ran inside the bookstore.
“Hey, Mr. Nie!” he called.
The bookstore owner popped his head up from behind the counter. “Sizhui!” he called. “How are you doing? How did you enjoy ‘Simon vs’?”
“It was so good, Mr. Nie!” Sizhui replied. “Thank you for the recommendation.”
“You’re welcome,” Mr. Nie said. “Did you see that the author of the Bunny books is coming on Saturday?”
“Yes!” Sizhui said, excited. “Mr. Nie, can I come, even if I’m not a baby?”
Mr. Nie laughed. “I’m sure Mr. Wei would love hearing from one of his older readers,” he said. “Please feel free to come! And bring your Dad! It’s been so long since I’ve seen him.”
“He’s really busy,” Sizhui said. “Anyway, I’m old enough to come here alone.”
“So you are,” Mr. Nie sighed. “You’ve grown up so fast!”
On Saturday Dad was at work so Sizhui convinced Jingyi to spend the day with him. Jingyi wasn’t super happy about going to a book reading for a book for babies, but he agreed that Sizhui’s Dad would really like the present and he was a really good best friend.
It did seem weird being the only two teenagers in a room mostly full of mothers and toddlers, but then Mr. Nie walked to the front of the room and introduced the author and the author himself came in and Sizhui felt dizzy and strange, like he was seeing double or something was happening from a dream.
“He looks so cool!” Jingyi whispered loudly. “Like I thought he’d look like… I don’t know… but he’s super cool!”
Mr. Wei was wearing a t-shirt with Red Bunny and Blue Bunny on it, and a jean jacket covered in pins and a pair of jeans and red hightops and he did look really cool. The women in the audience whispered excitedly to each other.
He read the new Bunny book, carefully doing all the voices just like Sizhui’s dad did. Blue Bunny had to go visit some relatives and Red Bunny went with him because he didn’t want to be lonely. Blue Bunny was scared to be sleeping in a strange house, but Red Bunny said, ‘it’s okay because I’m here with you.’ Blue Bunny didn’t like trying all the strange new foods, but Red Bunny said, ‘they’re so tasty! This is such an adventure!’ Blue Bunny was nervous about meeting his relatives, but Red Bunny said, ‘it’s okay, because they all love you, just like I do!’”
Unaccountably, Sizhui felt his eyes pricking with tears.
He and Jingyi hung back until all the mothers and toddlers got their books, and then Mr. Nie gestured for him to come up to the table, where Mr. Nie was chatting with Mr. Wei.
“Wuxian!” Mr. Nie exclaimed. “Here’s a very special reader of yours! He and his Dad have been coming here since he was three and they’ve always gotten your books.”
Mr. Wei grinned at Sizhui, an enormous, gleaming smile which made Sizhui feel happy and sad all at once, like finding something he’d lost a long time ago but wasn’t sure what to do with now. “A lifetime reader!” he exclaimed. “How special.”
“Sizhui wanted to get a book signed for his Dad, isn’t that right, Sizhui?”
Sizhui nodded, then found his voice. “Yeah,” he said. “Because your books were so important to us. My Dad used to read them to me over and over when I was first adopted, and even now when I’m feeling sad…”
Mr. Wei seemed to be tearing up a little. “Wow,” he said. “I never thought my books would mean so much to anyone.” He opened the book and poised his hand over the title page. “What do you want it to say?”
“Uh…” Sizhui looked at Jingyi, who looked back at him.
“Why don’t you tell me what you want to convey and I can do the wording,” Mr. Wei suggested, kindly. “After all, I’m a professional.”
“Uh,” Sizhui said. “I just wanted to let Dad know that I love him and that he’s the best dad and it meant a lot to me that he read me these books and I’m so happy he adopted me.”
Mr. Wei was actually crying now. “Sorry,” he said, wiping away a tear. “I’m an old watering can. Ah- what’s your Dad’s name?”
“Lan Zhan,” Sizhui said.
“Silly me!” Mr. Wei said, at the same time. “I’m just going to write ‘Dad’!” But then he paused. “What did you say?” He looked at Mr. Nie. “What did he say?”
Sizhui looked back at him confused.
“Lan… Zhan?” Mr. Wei repeated. “It’s a common name, right?” He looked at Mr. Nie again. “Huaisang,” he began.
“Wuxian…” Mr. Nie said.
“Is it…?” Mr. Wei asked.
“Yes,” Mr. Nie said.
Sizhui looked back and forth between them as they continued to speak cryptically.
“A son,” Mr. Wei said.
Mr. Nie hesitated, then nodded.
“Well,” Mr. Wei said. “Well.” Then he smiled back at Sizhui. “Sorry,” he said. “Grown-up talk. Let me write this. He quickly scribbled the message down, then signed it and handed it to Sizhui, who held out the money.
“No,” Mr. Wei said. “No. For such a long-time reader, it’s on the house.”
“Thank you,” Sizhui said, feeling more confused. “Th… thank you.”
He took the book back from Mr. Wei, and they left the store.
“That was weird,” Jingyi said. “Wasn’t that weird?”
Sizhui looked at the book. “Yeah,” he said. “Why was it weird?”
“I don’t know,” Jingyi said. “What does the book say?”
Sizhui opened the book up and, with difficulty, read the messy handwriting.
“Dear Blue Bunny,” it read. “Thank you for taking such good care of this little kit. He says you’ve been an amazing dad and he’s so happy you adopted him. Yours, Red Bunny.”
“‘Red Bunny’?” Jingyi repeated, with a frown. “‘Blue Bunny’? That’s so strange. Sizhui, are you still going to give it to your dad? Don’t you think he’ll think it is weird?”
“Maybe it’s a pun,” Sizhui said. “And Mr. Wei was wearing a lot of red.”
“I don’t know,” Jingyi said, shaking his head. “It still seems strange.”
Sizhui flushed. “Jingyi… ” he said. “Jingyi, I think he must have known my dad.”
“What?” Jingyi repeated.
“That’s why he was so weird with Mr. Nie!” Sizhui exclaimed. “That’s why the message is weird! Maybe he’s old friends with my dad.” Then a thought struck him and he stopped walking. “Maybe they used to be boyfriends!” he exclaimed.
“Your dad doesn’t have boyfriends,” Jingyi said.
“Maybe it’s because of Mr. Wei!” Sizhui said. “Maybe Mr. Wei broke his heart and that’s why he never dates anyone. And Mr. Wei looked so sad and strange when he heard Dad’s name! I bet he’s still in love with him! They’re probably pining over each other!”
“Sizhui…” Jingyi began.
“That’s why Dad loves the Bunny books so much! He knows that Mr. Wei writes them for him! Because he’s Blue Bunny!”
“I really don’t think…” Jingyi said slowly.
“Oh my god, Jingyi!” Sizhui exclaimed. “Dad’s totally Blue Bunny! He doesn’t like change and he doesn’t like talking to people and he’s quiet and…”
“A lot of people are like that,” Jingyi said, dryly. “They’re called ‘introverts’.”
“Jingyi, you have to be there when I give Dad this book,” Sizhui said. “You can watch Dad’s reaction and tell me what you think! Jingyi if I’m right we have to get them together,” Sizhui said.
“How,” Jingyi asked, rubbing his forehead. It must have been weird for Jingyi, not being the one coming up with the wild notions for once.
“Mr. Nie clearly knew him!” Sizhui said. “We’ll get Mr. Nie to help!”
Jingyi sighed. Sizhui stopped suddenly.
“Let’s go back to the bookstore and ask Mr. Nie right now,” he said, grabbing Jingyi’s hand and turning abruptly, almost running into a woman walking with an over-full bag of groceries.
But when they got back to the book store there was a little sign on the window that said ‘closed for lunch’.
Sizhui rallied quickly. “This is good!” he said. “This means that Mr. Nie took Mr. Wei out to lunch! That means they’re friends and Mr. Nie will definitely have Mr. Wei’s number.”
Jingyi sighed. “I’m hungry,” he complained until Sizhui took pity on him and brought him back to his house and fed him lunch.
Jingyi’s mom came and got him before Dad got home from work, so he wasn’t there when Sizhui gave him the book, wrapped up in brown paper, because Sizhui had meant it to be a present.
“Why are you giving me a present?” Dad asked, and Sizhui hoped he hadn’t noticed how he’d taken out his phone and was surreptitiously recording it.
“Open it up,” Sizhui said. “You’ll see.”
So Dad unwrapped it carefully and methodically like he did everything, and put the folded paper on the counter.
“A new Bunny book,” Dad said, looking down at it, bemused.
“The author was doing a signing this morning,” Sizhui said, excitedly. “So I wanted to get you a signed copy. Because you always used to read the stories to me.”
Dad smiled at him and gave him a half hug.
“But, Dad, you have to read the inscription,” Sizhui said, impatiently, taking the book from him and opening it to the title page. “Look! He wrote it just for you.”
Dad read the inscription, taking a moment to puzzle out the writing, then reading it, his eyes widening.
He looked up at Sizhui, his mouth open with shock, then looked at the author’s name. “Wei… it was him…” he said, slowly.
“Dad?” Sizhui asked, feeling a little alarmed.
Sizhui’s dad seemed to pull himself back together with effort.
“Thank you,” he said finally, pulling Sizhui against him again. “It really means a lot to me. Thank you.”
He walked across the room and put the book carefully on the bookshelf beside the other Bunny books, stayed there for a moment longer than was necessary, then stood up. “What do you want for dinner?” he asked.
Dad was unusually quiet as they did their normal Sunday morning chores. A few times Sizhui saw Dad look over at the shelf where the Bunny books were and that evening, when he was supposed to be in bed, he caught sight of Dad kneeling in front of the bookshelf, reading the books again, one by one.
When Sizhui came home from school on Monday he took them out and looked at them. The first one, ‘Red Bunny and Blue Bunny are Friends’, was the oldest. Dad had always said that it had come with Sizhui when he’d come to stay with Dad from his birth parents. It was the book Dad had read to Sizhui over and over until the covers fell off.
Surprisingly, since Dad wasn’t a very sentimental person, he’d carefully taped the covers back on with clear packing tape. The book, with its grimy stained cover, was out of place in their careful, neat house.
Sizhui came to a decision and walked down the street to the bookshop, even though he wasn’t supposed to go anywhere without texting Dad first.
Mr. Nie was at his counter, as usual. He looked up when Sizhui entered and smiled.
“Hi, Mr. Nie,” Sizhui said.
“Sizhui,” Mr. Nie said. “How are you doing? Did your father like your present?”
Sizhui hesitated. “Mr. Nie,” Sizhui said. “Did Mr. Wei and my Dad know each other before?”
“Why do you ask?” Mr. Nie asked.
“Because when dad saw Mr. Wei’s message he got all quiet,” Sizhui said. “And sad.”
Mr. Nie nodded. “Your dad and Mr. Wei and I were all in school together,” he said. “I can’t tell you more than that. You should really ask your dad about it.”
“I don’t want to make him even sadder,” Sizhui said.
“You should trust your dad,” Mr. Nie said. “If it’s important he’ll tell you.”
Sizhui nodded, but he wasn’t certain.
That evening, after dinner, Sizhui asked. “Dad,” he said. “When Mr. Wei heard your name it seemed like he knew you. Were you friends before?”
“It was a long time ago,” Dad said, sad and quiet again, just like Sizhui had feared.
“Don’t you miss him?” Sizhui asked. “If he was your friend? If I stopped talking to Jingyi I would really miss him.”
“I do,” Dad said.
Sizhui straightened. “Then you should ask Mr. Nie for his number,” he said. “I’m sure he has it. If you were friends before I’m sure he’d be happy to hear from you.”
Dad shook his head. “It’s complicated,” he said.
Again that night, when Sizhui got up to get a drink of water, he saw Dad looking at the Bunny books.
On Tuesday, after school, Sizhui sat down in front of the Bunny books and looked at them again, carefully, starting with the oldest one, the one with the tiny grubby fingerprints on the pages. (Amazing to think that Sizhui’s fingerprints had once been that small!) He was just about to turn to the next one (‘Red Bunny and Blue Bunny’s Springtime Adventure’) when he noticed something on the inside back cover- a note written in a messy sprawl.
“Dear Stranger,” it read. “Thank you so much for taking care of my kit. It breaks my heart to leave him, but I know he’s going to a good family that will love him as much as I did.”
Sizhui found himself tearing up as he traced the letters. This was a message from one of his birth parents! How had he never noticed before?
And then his breath caught in his throat and he took out the newest book, opening it to the title page.
The writing was the same, he was certain of it- and the message was almost the same as well!
He must have sat there for almost an hour, staring at the two books. Was Wei Wuxian was his birth father? he wondered, amazed.
Then, suddenly, he knew what he had to do. He grabbed the two books and put them in a shopping bag and ran down the street to the bookstore.
“Sizhui,” Mr. Nie said, as Sizhui pushed in, just as Mr. Nie was about to lock up. He didn’t seem very excited to see him.
“Mr. Nie,” Sizhui said, hurriedly taking the books out of his bag.
“I told you to talk to your father about this,” Mr. Nie said.
“He won’t tell me anything,” Sizhui said. “He just got sad and said ‘it’s complicated.’ But, Mr. Nie, look!”
He showed him the two inscriptions. “This one came from my birth parents,” he said, pointing. “Mr. Nie, is Mr. Wei my birth father?”
Mr. Nie sat down and rubbed his forehead.
“He is, isn’t he?” Sizhui asked.
Mr. Nie finally nodded. “I think so,” he said. “There’s a lot I don’t know, but that’s what I always thought.”
“Can I…” Sizhui said. “Do you think I could talk to him? You could give me his number or....”
Mr. Nie sighed. “I don’t feel right going behind your Dad’s back with this,” he said. “But I guess you have a right to talk to your birth father.”
He opened his phone and scrolled until he found the right contact, then wrote it down for Sizhui. “If your Dad asks, it wasn’t me,” he said.
Sizhui nodded and took the number.
On Wednesday he went over to Jingyi’s house so they could work on their science project and Sizhui told Jingyi all about it, about the two inscriptions and Mr. Nie being shifty and his father staring at the books, and then Jingyi looked at the phone number Sizhui had written down.
“Mr. Wei didn’t act like you were his long-lost son,” Jingyi said, confused.
“I know,” Sizhui said. “And this note says ‘Dear stranger’. He must not have known Dad was the one who took me in. Jingyi, what do I do?”
“Do you want to talk to him?” Jingyi asked. “You were never interested in your bio-parents before.”
“It’s not just that he might be my bio-dad,” Sizhui said. “It’s that he has a connection to Dad. Dad has been sad my whole life.”
“It’s hard to imagine how you getting back in touch with your bio-dad, who abandoned you to be raised by strangers and also maybe abandoned your Dad, would make your Dad less sad,” Jingyi pointed out.
“I don’t know,” Sizhui said. “Maybe… maybe he needs some closure.”
“Maybe,” Jingyi said doubtfully. “Just call him,” he said finally.
“You think I should?” Sizhui said.
“No,” Jingyi said. “But I think you’re going to do it eventually and worry about it until you do, so you might as well get it over with.”
Sizhui nodded and quickly, so he didn’t have time to think about it, dialed the number.
Mr. Wei picked up almost immediately. “Hello?” he said.
Sizhui quickly covered the phone with his hand. “What do I say?” he hissed to Jingyi.
Jingyi just gestured frantically towards the phone.
Sizhui uncovered the phone. “Mr. Wei?” he asked.
“Yes?” Mr. Wei said.
“Hi, this is Lan Sizhui,” Sizhui said. “I’m Lan Zhan’s son- we met on Saturday?”
“Yes?” Mr. Wei said again.
“Hi, this is kind of weird, but I wonder if I could talk to you at some point,” Sizhui said.
“Like in person?” Mr. Wei asked.
“Yeah,” Sizhui said.
“What do you want to talk about?” Mr. Wei asked.
“Ah,” Sizhui said. “Your books.”
“Oh,” Mr. Wei said, sounding almost relieved. “Like a kind of interview? For a school project?”
“Yeah,” SIzhui said, quickly.
“Okay,” Mr. Wei said. “Are you free tomorrow afternoon?”
They quickly arranged a time and place after Sizhui got out of school.
“Sizhui, you lied!” Jingyi exclaimed when they’d hung up.
“I panicked!” Sizhui said. “I didn’t know what to do! I couldn’t just say I thought maybe he was my bio-dad on the phone! Jingyi, you have to come with me.”
“I’ve got piano lessons,” Jingyi said.
“Skip them,” Sizhui said.
“Skip them? ” Jingyi repeated, shocked. “Wow, you haven’t even met your bio-dad yet and he’s a bad influence. I can’t just skip my lesson!”
“I can’t go meet my bio-dad alone!” Sizhui exclaimed.
“Yeah,” Jingyi said. ‘That’s true. Okay, but you’re going to owe me. Half your Halloween candy.”
“Jingyi!” Sizhui exclaimed.
JIngyi crossed his arms.
“Okay,” Sizhui said.
“And I get to pick,” Jingyi said. “You can’t just give me all your Good & Plenty.”
“We’ll pick them equally,” Sizhui said.
“Fine,” Jingyi said.
“Fine.”
They got to the cafe fifteen minutes early and Jingyi made Sizhui buy him a hot chocolate and they sat in the window while Jingyi made snide comments about the people who walked past until Mr. Wei, looking just as cool as he had before, sauntered in.
“Sizhui, right?” Mr. Wei asked, pointing.
Sizhui jumped to his feet and then felt like an idiot for standing up and sat down again, then gave a weird kind of bow thing and then introduced Jingyi.
“Nice to meet you,” Mr. Wei said, then went to get himself a coffee.
“Calm down,” Jingyi hissed.
“I’m trying,” Sizhui said. He was actually shaking a little. He had the book in his backpack, the old book, the one from his birth parents and he was wondering if he should just get it out and show it to Mr. Wei or actually pretend he was doing an interview.
Mr. Wei came back a minute later, sitting down with an easy confidence Sizhui envied and said, “so you’re doing an interview for school?”
“No,” Sizhui said, turning red. “I lied.”
Mr. Wei raised his eyebrows.
Sizhui pulled the book out of his bag and slid it over to Mr. Wei.
“Wow,” Mr. Wei said. “This must be a first edition. Very…. Well-loved. You know I wrote this for my own kid, self-published it, and to my surprise, it got really popular.” He flipped through the pages, then glanced at the inside back cover and froze.
Sizhui watched him, his heart in his throat.
Mr. Wei blinked, then blinked again, then covered his mouth. “This is… This is yours?” he asked, in a strange, small voice.
Sizhui couldn’t speak, so he nodded.
“You’re… you’re my little kit? You… and Lan Zhan is your Dad?”
He was full-on crying now, tears dripping down his face. He wiped his face on his sleeve.
“Of course Lan Zhan adopted you. Of course, he did. He was always the best…”
“Mr. Wei,” Jingyi said. “Can you tell us what happened?”
“Oh,” Mr. Wei said, wiping his face again. “Ah- your mom was… nothing serious. I was in love with… with someone else. I’m a bad role model! Don’t be like me!”
Sizhui nodded.
“I didn’t know about you until you were a year old,” Mr. Wei said. “And your mom just dropped you off and then disappeared. I was really surprised, you were the best baby. So, so, so good. I would have done anything… well… Lan Zhan wanted to help, but I was really stupid and thought I could do it on my own, so we had a big fight and I tried, little bunny, I did. I tried so hard, but I couldn’t… we just didn’t have enough, so I gave you up.”
He brushed his hand lightly over the book. “And I guess Lan Zhan knew and adopted you somehow? He was always so perfect. He must be the best Dad.”
Sizhui was, appallingly, crying as well. Everyone was crying. Even Jingyi seemed to be tearing up. “He is,” Sizhui said. “He is the best Dad. But I missed you.” He stood up and walked around the table and hugged Mr. Wei- his father- and Mr. Wei wrapped his arms around Sizhui and hugged him back.
They spent too long in the cafe, talking, until Jingyi realized they were going to be late to meet his mom, so they said goodbye to Sizhui’s father and rushed away.
“What do I do next?” Sizhui asked Jingyi the next day at school.
Jingyi looked at him skeptically.
“What?” Sizhui asked.
“Do you actually want my advice,” he asked, “or are you going to ignore it like you have about everything else regarding Mr. Wei?”
Sizhui blushed and looked away. “Sorry,” he said. “But if I had listened to you I wouldn’t have met my bio-dad!”
“That’s true,” Jingyi admitted. “He does seem pretty chill.”
“What do I do now?” Sizhui asked again.
“You’ve got two choices,” Jingyi said, leaning against the lockers and putting his hands in his pockets.
“Yeah?” Sizhui asked.
“You’re going to keep seeing Mr. Wei,” Jingyi said.
Sizhui bit his lip.
“You want to,” Jingyi said.
Sizhui nodded.
“So either you tell your dad about this or you don’t,” Jingyi said.
Sizhui frowned.
“And if you don’t, your dad is going to find out eventually,” Jingyi continued. “And then it will be a lot worse than if you do it right away.”
Sizhui sighed. “You’re right,” he said.
“What?” Jingyi asked. “Say that louder. Hey everyone!” he yelled. “Sizhui said I was right about something!”
“Jingyi, hush!” Sizhio scolded. “How do I tell him?” he moaned.
“You say: ‘Dad, I met with Mr. Wei behind your back and found out he’s my bio-dad.’”
“Dad, I met with Mr. Wei without asking your permission,” Sizhui said, so nervous he was shaking a little. “And I found out he was my biological dad.”
Dad was sitting at the table across from him, very still. He blinked.
“I’m sorry I didn’t ask first!” Sizhui said. “But you were so sad when I mentioned him. And then I found the inscription in the Bunny book and I realized it was from the same person…”
“I’m sorry,” Dad said, softly.
“... and I just, I really wanted to know,” Sizhui was saying. He blinked. “What? Dad? Why are you sorry?”
“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you,” Dad said. “Of course you wanted to meet your biological father.” He sighed. “And I’m sure he wanted to meet you.”
“He cried,” Sizhui said, tearing up a little at the memory.
Dad did that thing that was kind of a smile but kind of a frown. “Of course you did. Wei Ying is a good person. He did everything he could to keep you… but it wasn’t enough. I wanted an open adoption, but he just…” he sighed. “It was too much for him, I think.
“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I shouldn’t have forced you to go behind my back.”
Sizhui jumped up and came around the table, asking Dad for a hug.
“I’ll still love you,” he said. “Even if I get to know Mr. Wei… You’ll still be my Dad.”
“I know,” Dad said, wrapping him tightly in his arms. “I’m not worried.”
“So your dad invited Mr. Wei over to your house for dinner?” Jingyi asked, wide-eyed. “I still can’t believe he didn’t get mad you went behind his back.”
“Yeah,” Sizhui said.
“Was it like super weird?” Jingyi asked.
Sizhui hesitated. “Yeah,” he said and sighed. “Mr. Wei and Dad were super weird around each other. Like Mr. Wei kept apologizing and laughing nervously and Dad kept staring at him, like just staring and not saying anything. I swear half of the time they forgot I was there.”
“It’s like you’ve got divorced parents without ever getting to get married parents,” Jingyi said.
“That’s not what it was like at all,” Sizhui said. “They weren’t angry or anything, just sad. Then, Dad asked me if I minded going to my room so they could talk and they talked for a really long time, and when Dad called me back out so I could say goodbye, it looked like they’d both been crying.
“Then when Mr. Wei was gone, Dad said he was going to come back for dinner again and I could spend afternoons and some weekend days with him or both of them. And he was smiling, like actually, really smiling.”
“Oh,” Jingyi said.”That doesn’t sound like divorced parents at all.”
“No,” Sizhui agreed, wrapping his arms around himself. There was a wonderful warm feeling in the pit of his stomach he didn’t know how to describe.
One year later
For Papa’s birthday they go out to a fancy restaurant, Sizhui in the new suit Dad insisted on buying him. “You’re growing like a weed!” Papa had said when Sizhui had tried on his old suit before his piano recital.
They’d sat down and Papa had ordered a glass of wine and Dad had allowed Sizhui to get a glass of soda, then Papa had explained the items on the menu to Sizhui, jokingly trying to convince him he wanted something spicy.
When the food was gone and the servers had come out with a tiny cake lit with candles, to Papa’s happy embarrassment, he’d taken out the bag he’d brought with him, and handed a wrapped package over to Dad.
“I know it’s my birthday, Lan Zhan,” he’d said, “but you’ve already given me such a gift I’ll never be able to repay it, so here’s a small attempt.”
And Dad had said, like they’d both known he was going to say, “you owe me nothing, Wei Ying,” but he unwrapped the present anyway.
It was a new Red Bunny/ Blue Bunny book, Sizhui saw at once, but along with the two bunnies, there was a third one, much smaller, in purple.
Dad was staring at Papa, his eyes wide and his lips parted.
“It’s a question, Lan Zhan,” Papa had said, softly, smiling so wide at Dad his eyes were almost squished shut.
A question? Sizhui wondered and craned his neck to read the cover. “Red Bunny and Blue Bunny Get Married,” the cover read.
Dad looked over at Sizhui. “Would it be okay with you?” he asked, softly.
Sizhui nodded quickly. “Of course,” he said, grinning so much his cheeks hurt.
“Lan Zhan!” Papa cried. “You’re taking too long! I’m so nervous right now.”
“I have a present for you too,” Dad said, and, reaching into his overcoat pocket, took out a small velvet box, passing it over to Papa.
Papa looked at him, stunned, then opened the box.
“Lan Zhan,” he whispered, and then started laughing. “Sizhui, look, it’s a ring. Lan Zhan, you were intending on proposing to me too?!”
“Yes, Wei Ying,” Dad said.
“Ah!” Papa cried and then looked around. “Sorry!” he said to the other customers who were looking at them. “Sorry! He said yes!”
He jumped up and came around the table to hug Dad and then grabbed Sizhui’s arm so he was hugging them too and smooshed between his two fathers, Sizhui felt more at home than he ever had before.
