Chapter Text
It’s a foolish urge that drove Zhou Zishu to spill his secret, so carefully kept over fraught weeks. He stood in front of Elder Long, hand clasped with Wen Kexing’s, to watch the man breathe his last, and longed to give him all he could. Some peace, after all the suffering he took on in hopes of protecting dear friends only for it to be too late. He didn't mind lying if it would ease the path over the bridge, not at all, but there was something he can give that’s true.
Something he’d meant to keep to himself until after this was finished and he could see where Wen Kexing’s heart would take him next. Further into vengeance and madness, more driven to see the world burned by his hand than ever before or...or, he had dared to hope, would the answers they found be enough to satisfy. He wasn't sure now where they stood, couldn’t read anything but the slow crumbling of a heart on the face of the alpha who has wormed so thoroughly under his skin, but there simply wasn’t time left to hide away any further.
He’d offered Zhang Chengling to carry on the techniques of the Dragon Pool Cabinet. He’d provided the sword to free the man so he can pass on without the shame of chains on him. He’d given Wen Kexing- Zhen Yan’s- truth, in so much as he dared and could, doing what the alpha could not. But there was yet one thing left.
He reached out, taking the man’s hand; the skin was brittle and paper thin, threatening to bruise or tear under his touch. Curious eyes, clouded by a veil of illness and lack, followed him as he guided the unresisting hand to his abdomen, right over where he checked every morning to feel the growing glow of life in him. He felt it for the first time only a week after he and Wen Kexing had been dosed with Drunk Like a Dream and fallen together at the side of a river, Kexing deep in the throes of rut and Zishu unwilling to leave him to suffer. He’d endured the alpha having his way all through the night, until exhaustion crept over him as the sun crested the horizon, and was sure it had continued even after he’d passed out.
He’d woken sore but otherwise fine, emptied of all the seed he’d known the alpha had spilled into what he’d been sure was a barren womb and cleansed of the slick that had run down his thighs and wet the earth during their coupling. Wen Kexing had been apologetic, near wretched with the weight of what he’d been sure he’d forced onto Zishu, but a few words had been enough to bury it between them. They’d left their little camp, Zhou Zishu free of his mask, with the unspoken agreement to not speak of the moment again.
Whatever may have been forming between them, and Zhou Zishu hadn’t been able to deny even then that something was there, neither wanted it to be defined by a painful, feral night under the influence of a drug.
But just eight days later Zhou Zishu had felt energy that wasn’t his own inside of him, a barely there spot just coming into existence, forming under the startled press of his hand as he came awake abruptly. What a strange, but not all together terrible, thing to feel his child bloom into the world. Strange and terrifying, as all the reasons he could not carry and birth a child flooded his mind, and wonderful because he’d known he would take the ridiculous and painful path in this, just as he’d always done.
He was a fool and only getting more foolish with time. What could a creature, blood soaked and rotted with bitterness all the way through, like him offer a child in the short time he had left, to say nothing of cursing it with a lunatic for a sire. Still what was done was done, and he’d set his mind to seeing it through.
Wen Kexing’s hand clenched tight around his own, his breath a shaky exhale at his side, but Zhou Zishu couldn’t bear to turn and face him, not in that moment. He watched Elder Long instead, light blooming on his face and filling his eyes as a small smile curved chapped, split lips, and knew he’d done the right thing. He released the man, allowing his hand to drop, and missed the comforting warmth of the man’s qi. It reminded him of his shifu, a touch he hadn’t realized was nearly forgotten until now.
“A strong pup.” Elder Long’s eyes slipped away from Zhou Zishu, focusing on Wen Kexing. “The sire…? Ah. How wonderful, Qin’s disciple and the Zhen’s son. Wonderful, wonderful.”
With that it was over, Elder Long closed his eyes, breathing his last through smiling lips, and went limp. He slumped forward, deaf to their cries of alarm, and was gone from the world. Zhou Zishu closed burning eyes and, rocking back on his heels, placed a hand on his stomach. What a tiny thing to be able to bring a measure of solace to a man at the end of his life.
---
“Shifu,” Zhang Chengling asked after they’d left Ye Baiyi to his mourning, turning around to face him as they traversed the short tunnel. “Are you really pregnant? You and Shushu?”
“In the future you should call him shishu, not shushu” Zishu said, casting a look over his shoulder at the alpha. Chengling laughed in a rare display of childish delight, bouncing on the balls of his feet.
“Can I?”
“No.”
“Shishu,” Chengling chirped, undeterred by the distracted denial. Perhaps there had been some good in Wen Kexing’s terrible suggestion to be clingy after all. “Shishu, are you and Shifu having a pup? ...Does that mean you’re going to marry?”
The sound of Zhou Zishu choking on his own tongue was, blessedly, drowned out by Wen Kexing making a noise more suited to come from the lungs of a dying animal than a man. His head whipped around from his attempt to watch Senior Ye to fix wide eyes on Zhou Zishu. Who blinked at him mildly then, draping an arm around his disciple, hurried to get them back out into the open air. There was much to discuss, so many secrets exposed, and Zishu would rather do it with a rock to sit on if possible. If he was being honest with himself, and he had resolved to attempt to be so when it came to his body considering his situation, he was tired, both in body and mind.
Watching Elder Long’s only son throw himself to his drug men, rather than face reality, had done little for his mood. Elder Long was a good man and yet his child had gone so wrong, turned against him and nearly destroyed their entire legacy. What hope did he, a murderer many times over of the worthy and innocent alike, have of doing any better? Even if he weren’t so close to death he saw it lingering around corners, could he even bring himself to hold a child with hands as soaked in blood as his own?
And what of Wen Kexing?
The air was sweet outside and there were many rocks at just the right height to ease himself down onto, taking his weight from his aching feet. If the Zhou Zishu of a decade ago could see him now-sickly, exhausted, pregnant- would he take his life on the spot to avoid such a fate.
Zhang Chengling, ever dutiful, folded down onto the ground at his feet. Zishu smiled, reaching out to pat the boy’s head but found himself bending over in a coughing fit instead. It wasn’t bad, far from the worst he’d endured, but the burn in his chest and throat worried him more now. He reached inside for the flutter of life and found it as it always was: growing, in strength and size, a swirling mix of familiar energy and yet uniquely its own. Healthy, in spite of the drained shell it had taken root in, and the many struggles since it’s conception. Stubborn, like it’s carrier and sire.
Zhou Zishu was equal parts amazed and disturbed by its presence inside of him, though some days he leaned more heavily towards one than the other.
Wen Kexing was at his side when he unfolded and caught his breath, hovering close enough to touch but with uncertainty on his face that looked utterly out of place. His fingers clenched and unclenched at his side. Zhou Zishu watched him then, sighing, offered his wrist to the alpha, rolling his eyes when tentative fingers grasped him with exaggerated gentleness.
He was well acquainted with the touch of Wen Kexing’s energy but it still managed to stagger him for a moment, a cool breeze that never failed to cut him marrow deep before dispersing to his meridians. It matched the man’s scent, iron and smoke and dark, dank earth, in a way that most others couldn't match. All the other alphas Zhou Zishu had let close to him burned hot and trended towards mild scents, but not Wen Kexing. He was stinging ice and thick acrid smoke and freshly dug graves if he was anything at all.
Zhou Zishu didn’t mind it.
“A’Xu! It’s...you’re- you’re not wearing enough! You’ll catch cold! You and the child will...Ah, oh that’s. The child.” Wen Kexing’s lashes fluttered, face crumpling into confusion as his qi probed deeper, wrapping around their pup with a carefulness Zhou Zishu could feel. “You...you should have said! Why didn’t you say anything?”
Zhou Zishu could imagine the thoughts running through the other man’s mind, all the fights, the arguments, the nightly pain from the nails, the fall and the drug men, fear of what could have come of those while he’d been kept in the dark. All things done and gone, and of no use to dwell on.
“Are you going to scold me for keeping secrets?” He asked, eyebrows lifting, challenging.
His hand was dropped with all the suddenness of one having grabbed a hot pan. The alpha, his child’s sire, drew in a sharp, wounded breath then looked away. “Were you going to tell me at all?”
A lie would be easier, might even be accepted and go down smoothly if Wen Kexing wanted it enough. But who was to say what a man, a ghost, like Wen Kexing truly wanted. Did Kexing even know? Wasn’t that what had kept Zhou ZIshu silent so far, and kept him from allowing the alpha to touch him again, the not knowing?
“I don’t know.” He said, lids lowering in the face of pain darkening his lover’s face. “How can I, Wen Kexing, when I don’t know what to expect from you or what you might bring down upon us next? You are-” Insane. Furious. Feral, jealous, greedy. Cruel and obsessed and blind and careless in who became caught up in his games, willing to see anyone and everyone to their graves as long as it achieved him whatever revenge he was after.
He had been lacking in key information there, not aware that Wen Kexing was Zhen Yan, unaware of how he and his parents must have suffered.
He was still unaware, truly, but learning.
It changed nothing, at its core. The problems remained the same, perhaps had become worse. For all he had learned there was still so much unanswered. Why the change in surname? Why hadn’t Wen Kexing told him that he was Zhen Yan, even when he knew his name and face.
“Can I trust you, Lao Wen?” He asked, the weight of everything finally crashing down onto his shoulders, so heavy he could scarcely breath around it. It hurt, everything hurt, and he was tired. Exhausted. Drained and barely able to keep himself upright. He breathed, slow and rattling, and tried to remember if anything had ever hurt so much in all his life. “I was sure I would die, leaving this pup alone, not having finished Chengling’s training, leaving so much undone. But now I know you are my shidi and sire to my child both, my...zhiji. Can I trust you to finish what I start, to raise our disciple and our child well, and to bring back Siji Pavillion? Was I wrong to hide from you?”
He met Wen Kexing’s eyes, wide and so hurt it made the words want to stick in his throat. He managed, pushing past the ball of emotion trying to stop his voice. “What do you want, Lao Wen? What would you have us do? Where should we go? Would you come with me, to our home, if I asked, and let go of this game of yours?”
“Die? Shifu, what do you mean?” Chengling asked, starting to rise in alarm. Zhou Zishu put a hand on his shoulder, pushing him back down, not yet ready to address the boy or the ache of sadness he felt at the thought of becoming so close to him only to force the younger omega to watch him slowly die. Another thing for Chengling to lose, in time. Heaven had truly handed the boy a terrible destiny.
The alpha’s lips moved but no sound was forthcoming. He looked as tired as Zhou Zishu felt, pale and frazzled with none of his usual grace or charm about him, and...thin. Hurt, worn down. But only for a moment, before he was stepping away, lips pulled into a snarl. “Game? What game? And what home? What am I to you, that it should be ours?”
The words were sharp and struck with more force than any of the blows Wen Kexing had thrown while during their spars. Worse, he looked genuinely startled, something like panic in the furrow of his brow and the set of his shoulders. ‘What aren’t you to me?’ bloomed and died on Zhou Zishu’s tongue, crumbling to ash.
“What nonsense is this? Why should I take on your responsibilities? You- those are things you should do yourself, if you want them done! Stay alive, then, and see it through.”
Zishu winced, hand tightening on Chengling’s shoulder, as the boy breathed out in surprise. Wen Kexing froze, a pained grimace on his face, before his expression shuttered completely. He made to turn away and Zishu rose, grabbing at his alpha before he could get away, drawing him close. Kexing was rigid in his arms but unable to hide the tremors cutting through his body.
“I’m sorry.” He murmured. “It was my mistake, thinking you were the son of Rong. All along you were my shidi, Zhen Yan. If I had known sooner I-”
“I am not your shidi. I am not that boy!” Hands pushed him away with a force Wen Kexing had never directed at him before, enough to force him back and, much to his irritation at his slowly shifting center of gravity, off of his feet. He didn’t hit the ground, Chengling catching him and somehow keeping him upright; Kexing’s face went blank and slack and then he was gone, running away without another word.
No, Zhou Zishu thought as he watched the man who had burst into his life and made a home at its center run away from him, he wasn’t that boy and likely hadn’t been for a very long time.
“Shifu, are you okay?” Chengling asked, steadying him so he could right himself. “Do you need to sit? Should I get Ye Baiyi-”
“Absolutely not.” Zhou Zishu cut the boy off. If he had to suffer through Senior Ye calming his morning nausea or periodic dizzy spells while tartly informing him it was what he deserved for letting Wen Kexing’s knot violate him he would drown himself. “It’s fine. Everything is fine.”
"...will Shishu come back?"
"...Come, I'm tired and hungry. Growing a person is hard work."