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Elrond assessed the group, eyes skimming over the thirteen dwarrow and one hobbit. "I must warn you," he spoke finally. "That when you enter, the Last Homely House will strip you of your mortality."
The group nodded, understanding lining their faces. It was to be expected; when gods came to Middle Earth in mortal form, places of great importance or magic had the power to strip away said disguise.
Thorin's thoughts moved away from the elves, and to her wife. Before they had cast themselves into mortal form, they had tied their fate strings together, so they would meet on Middle Earth. It had yet to happen, as no god could reveal their true form on Middle Earth unless it was taken away by magic, or they were in great need to use their powers.
The doors were pushed open and as soon as they walked through, the dwarrow could feel the vestiges of mortality slowly leaving, many stretched their limbs and just smiled as power flowed through them once more. They were shown quickly to rooms, with the elves nodding with tight smiles.
No one spent long in their rooms, all eager to eat.
Thorin peered round the other dwarrow, all now the height of the elves and Gandalf. Although they all looked pretty much the same, their eyes seemed to shine bright and their skin seemed to glow; their power was visible.
Thorin could feel metal on her head, cold against her skin. Her crown of twisted metal was always there when she was a god, and she was used to the weight. Her clothes were soft and more luxurious then her mortal ones, they were dark blacks and blues. As goddess of death, she was often told her image suited the role, dark long hair and piercing blue eyes.
Balin smiled softly at her. He was the god of wisdom, which was very suited to him, Thorin thought. His nephews were the twin gods of mischief and trickery, and Dwalin was the god of war.
Thorin took her place about halfway down the table, between Dwalin and Balin. "Where's our burglar?" The former asked.
Thorin shrugged. "Maybe she's avoiding us," she suggested. "Mortals find it hard to be in our company."
Balin and Dwalin both nodded, when suddenly there was a choked gasp near them. They looked up in unison to see Bilbo, deep in conversation with Elrond.
She too was taller, her hair shining a brighter gold and her power visible from her. A crown of flowers decorated her head, and her robes were greens and reds. On her left hand, a ring with dark blue stones was being twisted round her ring finger.
"Remind, what are you the deity of?" Elrond was asking as they approached the table.
Bilbo's smile grew. "Life," she answered. "In fact, it used to be wherever I walked, flowers and trees would spring up under my feet. I spoiled many halls and floors by doing that," she told him, laughing lightly.
"But not anymore?" Elrond glanced back at the stone floor behind them, void of plant life.
Bilbo shook her head. "No, not since I married. I suppose we balanced each other out."
Bilbo then glanced at the table, eyes sliding over the other gods. Then her eyes froze on Thorin. Kili snorted.
"Goddess of life and goddess of death." He whispered to Fíli, but several others heard. "Reckon they'll fight more now?"
Bilbo said nothing and sat down further up the table, on the other side and away from Thorin.
Don't do anything stupid, please Thorin, Balin spoke into Thorin's mind. We do need her. Thorin just nodded in response.
The meal was loud, full of talking, and no one noticed both Thorin and Bilbo remained quite silent, replying to questions and statements addressed to them with monosyllables or head movements.
At one point, Bilbo suddenly choked on her wine. Thorin smiled deviously. No one noticed as they were busy clapping Bilbo on the back or asking if she was ok.
Later, Thorin suddenly spat out some food, face bright red. Everyone stared at her. No one noticed Bilbo's twinkling eyes as they laughed loudly at Thorin's red cheeks and ears.
They were nearing the end of their meal when Thorin suddenly slammed down her knife and fork. "It was one time!" She half shouted, glaring at Bilbo, who smiled and smugly sipped wine.
All eyes flicked between the two, Thorin's eyebrows pulled together as she glared at Bilbo who held her gaze, still smiling softly.
"What in Mahal's name is going on?" Balin finally asked.
"One time," Thorin repeated, voice lower now as her glare faded. She ignored Balin.
Bilbo raised an eyebrow. "Which is one more time than me."
Thorin protested. "My hand was covered in blood!" She was no longer glaring, and her voice had taken on a more playful tone.
Bilbo shrugged. "Ceb knew it was you, and still tried to bite off your hand. He's never done that to me."
"You've had less chance to get your hand bitten off," Thorin argued, but her smile was wide.
"I'd say a thousand years is a big enough opportunity to get a limb eaten, wouldn't you?" Bilbo answered calmly.
"What?" Several dwarrow chorused at the same time. Bilbo stood.
"Wouldn't you like to know," she replied, subtly winked at Thorin and left.
The dwarrow all called for answers and explanations, but Thorin cleared her throat. "Thrakrun, you suggested Elrond looked at the map?" She asked, changing the subject. The dwarrow all frowned or pouted but none protested and the conversation moved on.
None of the dwarrow mentioned it much in the following weeks; any attempts were met with a glare from Thorin, or a quick side-stepping of the conversation from Bilbo. So soon it was left behind, everyone's thoughts turned to the Mountain; they now had a way to get in.
It was in fact several weeks before the truth was revealed, and when it was, in turned out to be none of the dwarrow who raised the issue. They were hanging on for their life to a tree, but Thorin had snarled at them not to reveal themselves.
It was fair enough, while most mortals feared deities, many would come after them with the goal to defeat them, or try and take their powers. Not one had succeeded yet, but it was rather a headache and better avoided if possible.
Thorin, in mortal form, like the true self-sacrificing mortal, had gone running down the tree, swinging Orcist in one hand and a wooden shield in the other. She charged with a fierce battle cry but was felled quickly by Azog, still perched on his warg.
Several dwarrow lurched forward, starting to lose their mortality but before any could do much, a thick thorny vine shot out, wrapped around the raised sword of Azog and yanked it out of the orc's grip.
The sword flew through the air and was caught deftly by Bilbo, back into god form, eyes now dark and almost black. The flowers, although still full of bloom and life, were now wrapped around a crown of dark, twisted metal, identical to Thorin's.
"Stay away from my wife," Bilbo hissed. Without even looking, the hobbit threw the sword and it embedded itself into a warg, which had been pouncing on Bilbo. It fell with a whimper as Bilbo glared at Azog.
Making the most of the orc's surprise, Thorin quickly turned into her god form, and flung her hand at the warg Azog was riding. A knife seemed to appear from her hand and instantly killed the beast.
Bilbo pulled the goddess of death to her feet, and smirked. "Just like old times, huh?" She asked as she directed a branch into an charging orc's heart.
Thorin grinned. "I've missed it."
The others... Thorin spoke into Bilbo's mind. Keep them safe.
Bilbo nodded, and suddenly shot a hand out towards the dwarrow. The tree they were on righted itself, its roots weaving back into the earth. When they tried to get down though, the branches grew thick together, blocking their descent.
She turned to the group of orcs slowly approaching, gaining in number as more came form the hills. "Shall we?"
Thorin smirked. "After you."
"Yes, well, ladies first, I suppose," Bilbo replied with a wink.
Thorin laughed, loud and sudden. The dwarrow in the tree gaped - very few could make Thorin laugh so freely.
The two seemed to dance round each other, clearly experienced fighting with the other. Bilbo shot vines and branches into the orcs while knives were flung thick and fast from Thorin. They twirled and ducked and dodged in perfect harmony, fighting off the orcs with ease.
Bilbo suddenly leapt forward, straddling an orc's shoulders and wrenching its chin in the other way she yanked its head. With a crunch, the orc keeled over, and Bilbo jumped smoothly off to shoot a vine over Thorin's shoulder at an approaching warg.
Thorin paused slightly. "Trapped with a face between your thighs..." She smirked. "What a hell of a way to die."
Bilbo didn't show surprise, merely smiled evenly. "You would know," she teased with an evil grin.
There were several choked gasps and cries of 'What?' from the dwarrow that were promptly ignored.
"Where's Azog?" Bilbo suddenly asked, stilling as the last orc fell at her feet.
Thorin practically growled. "He has run and hid."
Bilbo cursed under her breath. Then her eyes dropped down to Thorin's hand, which was rubbing her right arm. A trickle of golden blood poured between her fingers. Bilbo tutted.
She tried to move Thorin's hand, but the dwarf scowled at her and refused to move her left hand. Bilbo raised a single eyebrow and held her gaze. Thorin sighed and moved her hand away.
"Thank you," Bilbo said pointedly. Gently pressing her hand to the wound, it began to glow slightly. The would shrunk until it disappeared, unmarked skin where the golden blood had once been.
She then waved her hand at the tree, the dwarrow all jumped down and ran at the two gods, demanding explanations.
Balin shushed them all, waving his hand to get quiet. "So, you two know each other."
"Yes," Thorin answered simply.
Bilbo snorted. "You could say that."
Balin glared at the latter. "And... you're married?"
They nodded in unison.
"And you didn't tell us?" Fíli shouted.
"Why weren't we invited?" Kíli shouted.
"When?" Dwalin shouted.
"Were you forced?" Someone else shouted.
"Was it blackmail?" Another shouted.
Balin's eyes darted down to their hands, they had shifted slightly to stand next to each other, and their fingers were now intertwined. On Bilbo's free hand, a ring shone on the ring finger, with dark blue and black gems, the signature colours of Thorin.
"Oh," Balin breathed. Before Thorin could stop him, he reached out and grabbed the cord hanging round Thorin's neck. Lifting it up, he recognised the ring, identical to Bilbo's, but in greens and soft yellows.
"You kept it?" Bilbo whispered, suddenly oblivious to the fact they were not alone. "I thought you lost it."
"Of course I kept it," Thorin replied as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.
Bilbo just stared at the ring, eyes wide and soft.
Then a shimmering light distracted them. A dwarf appeared, wearing dark clothes.
“Ah, Sí,” Dwalin said loudly. “As Thorin’s chief assistant, you’ll be able to help us with-“
He was cut off by Sí hurrying forward to Thorin and Bilbo. “Your majesties, I know you said to not disturb you in mortal form, but it’s Frodo. He’s crying literally non-stop.”
Bilbo sighed. “It’s ok, Sí, can you bring him here?”
The dwarf nodded and disappeared.
Thorin frowned slightly. “He should be growing quicker. He’s been in this four-year-old stage for ten years.”
Bilbo hummed. “He’ll grow.”
Sí appeared again, this time holding the hand of a young hobbit. It was definitely a hobbit – its ears were pointed, face round and soft, but had the small feet of a dwarf. And the black hair and blue eyes of a very specific dwarf.
Bilbo stepped forward and picked up the dwarf-hobbit. “Frodo, what’s wrong?”
Frodo sniffed, wiping his eyes, then whispered something in Bilbo’s ear. Bilbo nodded then gently waved a finger around Frodo’s head.
A crown of flowers appeared, in full bloom and made from soft whites and gentle yellows.
Thorin reached out and took Frodo from Bilbo. “You have to go back to bed now, ok?”
Frodo nodded. “I just wanted to see you.”
Bilbo laughed lightly. “Well, maybe give Sí a break, I’m sure they’re very tired.”
Frodo grinned sheepishly and nodded again.
“Thank you, Sí,” he mumbled. The dwarrow all found them smiling slightly at the cute dwobbit.
The dwarf and dwobbit disappeared, shimmering into nothingness.
Gandalf stepped forward now. “While I realise a conversation is needed between you, I do advise we move on. Eagles are coming, they will drop us off at Carrock.”
A short while later, eagles swopped from the sky, talons extending to carefully pick up the dwarrow, Gandalf and Bilbo. The hobbit and Thorin had returned back into their mortal forms now that there was no danger.
The two were the last to be picked up. Before they were, Bilbo turned to her wife. “I’ve missed you,” she whispered, voice heavy.
“And I you,” Thorin replied. She pulled the hobbit in by her shirt and cupped her chin. “So much.”
The sun rose over the cliff as the two’s lips met, Bilbo’s hands came up to Thorin’s hair as they moved even closer, every inch of their fronts touching.
“But I’ve found you now,” Thorin whispered. Unintentionally, a crown of flowers, in dark blues and bright whites grew around Thorin's head. She chuckled. "Thank you, dear."
"What?" Bilbo asked, then her eyes darted up. "Oh, oops."
Thorin just laughed and kissed her again.