Chapter Text
There she was again, staring into the void, her only company being the sound of the waves crashing against the rocks. She kept finding herself at the bluffs lately, it was the only place who talked to her, the only one who listened.
Ever since she got out of the dreamscape, she hasn’t been able to think about anything else. The sound of his voice echoed in her dreams.
“Well, you still carry the moment inside of you.” Ace spoke from behind her. She still remembers feeling at ease when she saw him, like it made perfect sense for him to be there, with her.
“You’re the only one who knows how to find her. Why do you think we’re here?” Everything felt so calm, she could barely hear the waves in the distance thanks to the growing sound of a baby crying. Nancy thought it felt familiar but didn’t quite understand why.
“This is where it all started. Lucy dying, Carson and Kate being forced to raise me on lies.” Nancy loved her parents, she really did. And her mom means everything to her but she can’t help but wonder what if. “Ryan not even knowing I existed.” What if it were different, what if Lucy lived and stayed with Ryan, became a family.
It was a thought that went through her mind every now and then but she knew things were meant to happen the way they did and that was okay. Because she had Kate, her wonderful mother, and Carson, who really cares about her.
“I was born broken. And that’s why all these pieces of me are broken.” Nancy has always felt like she can be truly herself with Ace. She can be vulnerable and know he won’t pity her, instead he will understand and be supportive. He’s her rock and she honestly doesn’t know when that started to happen.
“You weren’t born broken. You’re hurt, maybe. But in the end, the only way to heal is to let that pain become love”
Nancy wanted to believe him, and standing there in front of him, looking into his soft ocean eyes, she almost did. But she knows it’s not that easy, it will take some time. Just knowing he will be there for her is enough.
“I really want that”
Suddenly she felt a weight on her arms, a baby, the one she had been hearing in the distance. That’s why it felt so familiar. It’s me.
She remembers feeling conflicted in that moment, all of her traumas going through her mind at once. She’s been through so much in just a few months, but because of her friends, she’s been able to pull through. She used to think working at The Claw was a nightmare with George as her boss, hating her; constantly having to help Bess with her clumsiness and the long hours of dealing with some annoying customers who were only there for the town history.
Now, she thinks it’s best thing that could’ve happened to her. She has real friends like she never had in high school. They really care about her and she feels protective of them, especially a certain tall, brown-haired, blue-eyed dishwasher. Nancy finds it endearing how their relationship has evolved since they met. She used to find him annoying, thought he was the regular stoner guy who didn’t really care about anything.
And that was the first time, she was glad she was wrong.
He turned out to be pretty smart and was just pretending so he could learn information without being suspicious.
She was angry, disappointed in him when she learned the truth about him working for Chief McGinnis. But then the car accident happened, and that was the first time she felt worried about him. She needed him to be okay because he wasn’t the annoying dishwasher anymore, now he was her friend and he meant something to her.
From that point forward, things started to change between them, she relied on him, on his ability to hack things for her. But it wasn’t all professional, he became someone she could be vulnerable with, she trusted him in a way she never trusted anyone before.
Which is why it felt natural for her to ask him that. “Will you hold me?” She didn’t trust anybody else with herself, only he would be there for her unconditionally without asking anything in return.
“I thought you’d never ask.”
She walked towards him, carefully handing herself to him. It almost felt like a metaphor. She knew this was the way to beat the Wraith, accepting all parts of herself; but in that moment, she felt nervous, like she was giving something else to Ace. Something that made her heart beat faster, which made her look at him in the eyes.
And there he was.
Standing so close to her, she swore she could hear his heartbeat which was crazy because he wasn’t really there. But she wished he was, she couldn’t help getting even closer, grazing her nose against his, the desire of something more.
She wanted to kiss him, and that thought alone made her stop.
That wasn’t him.
That whole moment wasn’t real.
But her feelings were.
And that complicated things way too much.
She didn’t know what was her plan exactly, once she got to his house two weeks ago. She rehearsed her words but deep down she knew, once she saw him, she wouldn’t have been able to say anything. A part of her was relieved he wasn’t home so she didn’t have to make a fool of herself. But then his mother told her the reason he wasn’t there.
And it broke her.
***///***
Nancy started to walk away from the bluffs and back to her car, she needed to go home and get some sleep. Her constant dreaming of her and Ace didn’t leave room for anything else. Since he left, they have only talked a handful of times. He texts her about random things like if she knew how radios are the most effective in communicating with ghosts and how they should try it at some point. She always looks at his messages and smiles because she thinks they’re cute.
He also asks how she’s doing, if the scars are gone. As usual Nancy style, she says she’s fine, working the scars away at The Claw. She constantly has to stop herself from texting him she misses him; she knows it’s not fair to him or Amanda. She’s just thankful he never talks about his trip.
That would be torture.
When she gets home, she’s about to go upstairs when she hears a soft humming coming from the kitchen. She walks over and there he is.
Ryan slowly dancing to whatever song he’s trying to hum while doing the dishes. She can’t help but laugh and he stops immediately, looking at her with wide eyes.
“You’re home already, I thought you’d be gone for another hour” He goes back to doing the dishes as she approaches.
“I was tired, needed some sleep” Nancy responded as she gets closer to the sink, as if to see if he’s doing the job correctly.
“Oh, I see, well you definitely deserve it. And don’t look at the dishes like that. I’m improving” he frowned at her and she couldn’t help but laugh again.
“I can see that. Where’s dad?”
“He’s with a client, an old friend who needed his help”
When he was done, he turned around and found Nancy looking at the floor with her arms crossed.
“Everything okay?” he seemed to ask that a lot lately. She understood, he was worried about her and after everything with the Wraith, it made sense. She felt bad for him, she really was all he had left. Which is why she thanked Carson for letting him stay with them, that way he wouldn’t feel alone.
“I’m fine, just tired. I’m going to bed” she turned around to leave when Ryan asked,
“Hey, how’s Ace doing? How’s the trip?”
There it is.
This morning her father asked her the same thing and now Ryan. She feels as if they’re conspiring against her, so she’ll talk about the elephant in the room.
But she won’t.
She refuses to.
So, she’ll say the same thing she said to Carson, “He’s fine, the trip’s fine. I’m going to sleep. See you in the morning” she said it so fast, she doesn’t know if Ryan caught that but she doesn’t care. She doesn’t like dealing with her emotions and Ace brings a lot of them at once, so she tries to ignore the subject as much as she can.
She heard a faint “Good night” coming from the kitchen as she ascended the stairs and went into her room.
She goes straight to her bed. She lays down on the mattress and lets out a sigh, she’s really tired. She hopes tonight is different and she can catch some sleep. Although for the past two weeks, she’s been dreaming the same thing over and over again. It’s frustrating but at the same time, it’s the only moment she feels close to him since he left.
She closes her eyes, expecting to dream about Ace once again.
She doesn’t.
This time she sees something else.
Her.
Nancy feels like she’s in a cramped place, with what seems like clothes around her. She’s in a closet and she can’t see anything. For some reason, she feels really scared but doesn’t know why. All of the sudden, she sees a faint light coming from the crack between the doors. She realizes she isn’t alone and whoever is with her just started the fireplace in the middle of the room. She tries to move but it’s impossible, she can’t feel her legs.
Nancy tries to stay calm and starts inspecting the room through the crack. It seems like a living room with a long crooked black wood table and just one chair. The walls are made of stone and have moss on them. She remembers reading once that moss only show up in humid and shady places. As she starts wondering if it’s waves she hears in the distance, a woman comes rushing into the room.
The woman is in a long, white dress, and has short blonde hair. She has her back to Nancy, which makes it difficult to make out her face but she feels familiar. She has something in her hand, Nancy can hear her reciting something in what she assumes is Latin, while she holds the other hand in the air. That hand is covered in blood and she’s laughing as keeps on chanting the words. The woman turns around and Nancy stops breathing in that moment.
She has never seen this woman before but she knows who it is. She looks just like her friends described her.
Temperance Hudson, her ancestor.
After Nancy collects herself, she can clearly see what Temperance is holding. A green book with a symbol on the cover. It looks like a bull in silver with golden outlines. Nancy can’t help but think she has seen it before, just as that thought went through her mind, Temperance lifted her head rapidly and looked straight into Nancy’s eyes.
Nancy started to panic, trying once again to move but failed miserably. Temperance started to walk towards the closet and just before she opened the doors…
Nancy woke up, breathing heavily, she has never felt fear like this before. The dream felt so real, like she was really looking at her evil ancestor in the face. She sat up on the bed and for the first time, noticed she was drenched in sweat.
She got up, saw the sunlight coming through her window and decided to take a shower and head to The Claw early because she was definitely not going back to sleep after that.
She hoped maybe the feeling of water running down her face, might help her clear her head and give her some perspective of the dream she just had.
It didn’t work, she’s still blank.
No new perspective. Just confusion.
Why her? Why now?
Nancy finished putting on The Claw’s uniform and grabbed her bag. On her way out of her room, she passed her bookshelf and stopped dead in her tracks.
It can’t be
It’s impossible
She’s scared all over again, slowly turning around to face the bookshelf. And there it was.
Temperance’s book. What the hell is it doing here? How am I only seeing it now?
Nancy knows this book wasn’t here before but how did it get here? Did it show up now after her dream? She was scared and confused but that didn’t stop her from approaching the book. She slowly placed her hand on the cover to see if something would happen.
Nothing.
She took the book in her hands and waited.
Nothing.
She was too afraid to open it but too curious to put it back on the shelf. So, she walked out of her room and down the stairs, maybe her dad would know something.
When she got to the kitchen, she saw Carson making some coffee. She assumes he heard her come down the stairs since he asked, “You’re up early. Want some coffee?”
She was still so shocked by the sudden appearance of the book that she didn’t bother answering her father. She sat down in one of the chairs and placed the book on the counter, staring at it, waiting for it to do something.
Nothing.
Carson turned around when he heard no response from his daughter, “Nancy, I asked if you wanted some…”
He stopped himself mid-sentence when he saw the book on the counter.
“Where did you find that book?” her father asked, shocked.
Nancy looks at him with wide eyes, “You’ve seen this book before?”
“Nancy, where did you find that book?” he asks again, slowly backing away from the counter.
“It was in the bookshelf, in my room. Which is confusing to me because I have never seen this book before today” Nancy is considering telling her father about her dream but she wants to know what he knows about the book first.
“It’s impossible. It couldn’t have been in your bookshelf. It’s supposed to be buried in the backyard with a bunch of boxes on top of it” Carson said while he started walking back and forth in the kitchen.
“It was supposed to stay down there, it was the only thing that worked. She said it would stay there!”
Nancy got up and went to stop her father from pacing, “She, who? What are you talking about, dad? You’re freaking me out.” Nancy started to feel just as anxious as her father.
“I’m freaking out, Nancy. This is bad news.” he walked fast to the living room. Nancy was left there wondering what could have Carson so scared, she turned to look at the book and decided to leave it there laying in the counter. She slowly walked to the living room to join her father.
“Dad, please breathe. Sit down and tell me everything” she stood in front of Carson as he sat down on the couch.
“Who is she? Why did you have that book buried in the backyard? How did you get the book in the first place? And how did it show up in my room all of the sudden?” she realized she was just as scared and confused as her father, which was definitely not helping.
Carson closed his eyes and breathed slowly. He opened them and kept them locked on the table, “When I said she, I meant your mother, Kate.” Nancy sat down next to him.
“One day, when you were two years old, your mother called me. She said she was taking a walk around town to find a book to read for you at night. When I got home, she showed me this cute Dragon’s Tale storybook she bought. She looked happy.” He smiled when he said that.
“And that book.” His smile soon disappeared.
“I asked her about it because it didn’t look like a children’s book. I thought maybe it was one of those history books she loved reading so much, you know the ones?” he looked hopeful at Nancy, his eyes showed how desperate he was for holding onto the good memories. Nancy replied smiling, “Yes, I remember”
“She was weird about it, said that the lady at the antique bookstore gave it to her, as a gift.” Carson stood up and started pacing again.
“She told me it wasn’t really a book, but a journal since there was nothing written on it. In that moment, you came tumbling into the room and touched the symbol on the cover. Started crying right away” he stopped pacing and looked at Nancy, worried. She was looking expectantly at him.
“And then what happened?”
“I carried you, worried and confused, decided to take you back to your room. Put you to sleep and came back to the living room.” he reclaimed his place on the couch, looking straight into Nancy’s eyes.
“I took the book and opened it, at first there was nothing. It was blank. But after a few seconds, words started showing up, moving rapidly, making it impossible to read. Then, a strong wind came into the living room. We could hear thunder in the distance and the book started to shake.” Nancy looked at Carson horrified, and his eyes reciprocated the feeling.
“I dropped the book and everything stopped. As if it never happened. I told your mom to give it back to the lady at the store. She did so the next morning, but…” he stopped talking and closed his eyes like he didn’t believe whatever happened, actually happened.
“But…?” Nancy urged him to continue.
She was really worried about this whole story; she knew the book was dangerous as soon as she saw it in her dream. It belonged to Temperance and she didn’t need to know her personally to know she was bad news.
“The book showed up again, right here.” he pointed at the table in front of them. “We freaked out, so we came up with different ways to get rid of it. Throwing it in the trash. Showed up again. We left it on the street. Showed up again.” Carson stood up and walked to the dinner table.
“We tried everything and nothing worked. I told her we had to destroy it. So, we went to the backyard and burned it” he looked at Nancy with glossy eyes.
Nancy stood up and walked towards him. “Obviously, it didn’t work. I was frustrated and didn’t know what else to do. We had been trying for weeks and nothing.” Nancy moved slightly next to him and turned to look at the counter in the kitchen, to check if the book was still there. It was.
“And then you decided since nothing worked, that maybe burying it would?” she asked looking at him like it was a stupid idea.
“First of all, it wasn’t my idea, it was your mother’s.” he looked at her mimicking her face. “Second of all, I thought the same thing but just as we were discussing it, you showed up again. The book was on the table and you opened it. We ran towards you, to protect you but nothing happened. The letters were still, no wind, no thunder. Like it was a normal book.”
Nancy looked skeptically at him, why didn’t it affect her?
Carson looked at her, nodding his head like he read her mind. “I also didn’t understand why but Kate thought maybe after that it would be easier to deal with it. So, we buried it, and it stayed there for the last 18 years. Until now.”
She was even more confused than when she woke up.
How could it be possible that the book has been in this house for so long and she never knew about it. Obviously, it still wouldn’t have meant anything to her because she only learned about Temperance two weeks ago and she hasn’t heard from her since that letter. She needed to tell her father about the dream she just had.
“Okay, don’t freak out but I need to tell you something.”
“Let me sit down first.” Carson sat down on the dinner table and moved the chair to his left so she would sit too. She positioned the chair in a way she could see both Carson and the book in the kitchen.
“I had a weird dream this morning. I was trapped in a dark closet, couldn’t see anything at first. Eventually I saw a faint light coming from the crack between the doors. In that moment, I realized I was in a room with stone walls, a wood table with one chair and a fireplace.”
Nancy could feel Carson’s eyes on her but she couldn’t look at him. Just thinking about the dream made her scared all over again. He could see she was having a hard time continuing, so, he took one of her hands in his own and squeezed, silently showing her he was there for her. That helped Nancy and gave her the courage to proceed.
“A woman dressed in white showed up and stood in front of the fireplace, chanting in Latin holding something in one hand while having the other one in the air, covered in blood.” She closed her eyes for a second, forcing herself to say it. “She was holding that book.” Both she and Carson looked at the book at the same time.
“Did you recognize the woman?” he asked with fear because he knew what she was going to say.
“It was Temperance Hudson” Nancy saw her father stand up and slowly move to the kitchen.
“Are you sure? I mean, you said you didn’t know what she looked like” he stopped walking, putting some distance between him and the book.
“I can’t explain why, but I just knew it was her. I remember Bess and…” she stopped for a second, willing away the feelings in her stomach. “…Ace, telling me how she looked like but seeing her there, in my dream, it was different. Like I had seen her before”
Nancy stood up and slowly walked towards the book, thoughts filled with confusion for what it all meant and for a certain pretty eyed boy.
“You said I touched the book and nothing happened” Nancy started pacing back and forth in front of the kitchen counter. “And that the letters were still. That means I can read it” she stopped and looked with wide eyes at her father behind her, and then at the book.
“Nancy…please be careful” he pleaded when he saw his daughter take the book in her hands. She opened it and started inspecting it.
“It’s in Latin and English” she looked fascinated going through it. Carson on the other hand, seemed confused, looking between the book and Nancy. “It’s blank”
“What do you mean it’s blank? You can’t see this?” she pointed at the lower part of the first page and looked at her father.
“It’s completely blank, Nancy”
She watched the book with confusion, trying to understand it when a thought came to her mind.
“If this book belonged to Temperance Hudson, and I can read it, could it be because…” she completely turned to Carson, expecting him to understand where she was going with this.
He did.
“You’re a Hudson” he finished, wondering what that could mean.
“And if that’s the case, then maybe…” Nancy’s eyes drifted back to the book for a few seconds.
“Ryan can read it too”
Carson and Nancy shared a worried look.
“I heard my name, what's up?” Ryan walked through the front door with some groceries in one hand and an apple in the other. He joined them in the counter after placing the groceries next to the fridge.
Nancy sat down next to him, “Ryan, can you read…”
“Where did you get that book?” Ryan interrupted her, shocked.
“You've seen this book before?” Carson asked, standing next to Nancy, one hand on her left shoulder.
“Celia used to have one just like it, but hers was blue.”
Nancy looked between Ryan, the book and her father.
“She could read it?” she asked Ryan, confused.
“Not really, she would try for hours though. But it was the same outcome every time.” Ryan’s gaze drifted to the book, lost in thought.
“Let me guess, letters moving and a sudden change in the weather?” Carson searched for confirmation in Ryan’s eyes.
“Yeah, exactly! How did you know?”
Carson looked at Nancy briefly before walking to the fridge, “I need some water”
“Ryan, can you read this?” Nancy moved the book towards him, already knowing his answer.
“Read what? The page is blank” Nancy and her father shared a knowing look.
“Dad, do you know the name of the bookstore my mom got the book from?” She stood up from the counter, took the book and shoved it in her bag.
“I don’t remember but I’ll look into it. Are you taking the book with you?” He passed a cup of coffee to Ryan, who silently thanked.
“Yeah, I want to check a theory I have.” If she could read it but not Ryan, it could be because she was a direct female descendant, which made her mind drift to Bess. If she could read it too, then it was a woman’s only event. Great, too much for a break. “Ryan?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you know how Celia acquired that book and where is it now?” Nancy needed to make sense of the whole situation. She knew this book belonged to Temperance but why did Celia have one? And why was it a different color? Could it have belonged to another one of the Women in White?
“Well, of what I can remember, Everett kept important family heirlooms in different warehouses. One day, as a kid, Celia told him she would take me to the park but ended up taking me to one of them.” Nancy slowly approached him, intrigued.
“This one had a lot of boxes, filled with books. They all looked the same but Celia went straight to the back.” Ryan seemed to remember with curiosity.
“She knew where to find it” Nancy suspects that Celia was interested in learning more about the Women in White but how did she even know about them in the first place?
“Yeah, she took that book and brought it home” Ryan stated carefully.
“Where is it now?”
Nancy needed to find that book, maybe it would help her find some answers.
“I don’t know, I haven’t seen it since I was a kid.”
Great.
“Do you mind looking into it? It would be really helpful knowing where the book originally came from and why did the Hudson’s have it. Since we know it’s not our family heirloom” Nancy said in a mocking tone.
“Sure, I’ll look into it. Where are you going so early?”
Ryan always seemed to be confused about everything, which Nancy found endearing sometimes. She was glad he was living with them; they have definitely made some progress in the “father/daughter” department. Nancy isn’t quite ready to call him that yet but she’s thankful he’s there for her. She genuinely cares about him and loves the dynamic he and Carson have going on. It’s funny seeing them fight over who does the dishes better.
“The Claw” Nancy and Carson said at the same time.
Nancy smiled at her fathers, “Call me when you learn something”
And with that she was out the door.