Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

Tubbo felt that days tended to drag on nowadays.

That wasn't always a bad thing, exactly. It was nice to live happy, healthy, peaceful lives, especially after all that had happened before. He no longer had to fear for his life every second of the day. There were no more wars, no more fighting, no more betrayals, no more threats. Tubbo should be happy. He wanted to be happy, but...

He just... wasn't.

It was infuriating, to say the least. Here he was, with the perfect, ideal life set out in front of him, with a new home, platonic husband, adopted son, and the perfect plot of land that he could do whatever he wanted with, and yet... it wasn't... right. After all the war and fighting and bloodshed he had endured in his early teens, Tubbo felt uneasy in this peaceful landscape. He was idle, without plan or purpose, just plodding along mindlessly after Ranboo as he discussed his big dreams and grand ideas for their future. A future Tubbo didn't think would last.

After waking up at two in the morning once again, drenched in sweat and shaking, Tubbo shifted slightly before sliding out of bed, careful to not disturb Ranboo's sleeping form beside him. His breathing was ragged and raspy, his heart pounding much too loud for his preference, and he felt suffocated even in their rather spacious and sparely decorated bedroom. Tubbo quickly threw on a coat and stuffed his feet in some slippers before opening the door to the balcony and stepping out. He just needed some air, he told himself. He was lying.

The frigid air instantly filled his lungs and calmed his breathing to a more even rhythm, which was a relief. Tubbo was certain that his frantic gasps would wake his friend, and he knew Ranboo needed all the sleep he could get. Resting his elbows on the railing, Tubbo leaned on them heavily and closed his eyes, focusing on breathing in and out and the feeling of the icy wind biting his nose and cooling his feverish skin. It felt nice.

He wasn't sure how long he had been outside, his eyes closed as his breath clouded in front of him, before he began to truly feel the biting cold that surrounded him. Shivering, Tubbo considered heading inside, but he felt incredibly comfortable in this spot, and the thought of going back inside made something in his chest twist painfully. He told himself that he would stay for only a few minutes longer. He was lying.

Opening his eyes, Tubbo gazed up at the sky above, stars littering the surface, lighting up the sky with their brilliance. A full moon was out that night, and it seemed to shine like a spotlight down on Snowchester, illuminating the quaint little houses and farms nearby and emphasizing just how huge their mansion of a house was. Tubbo felt a glimpse of a smile grace his face as he spotted their old home, where they had lived with Michael for a good couple of months while Foolish was building their forever home. His mind was filled with images of Michael's fully decorated room, and he couldn't hold back a smile at the thought, but that grin quickly faded as he remembered how empty and cold Michael's new room was now that they had moved in. He really ought to decorate it, but he couldn't bring himself to even start. Whenever he even thought about it, it would cause a dull ache in his chest that made him freeze, and he would quickly switch to another topic of conversation to busy his idle mind. Anything to avoid feeling that numbing pain that seemed to fill his entire body with ice and dragged him down into the deepest, darkest recesses of his mind.

His eyes flickered over to the outline of the little military base he had made with Jack, remembering the countless hours they had slaved away in order to develop those nukes. He wasn't really sure why he had been so insistent on making them, honestly. Snowchester was just a little village with no known enemies or points of interest for invaders. It didn't even have a government. There was no reason anyone would threaten them. It was more of a reassurance thing than anything. A safety blanket, if you will. Tubbo felt better knowing that if anyone tried to hurt him or anyone he loved, he would have a way to defend them. It was all for a good cause; a last resort in case of emergencies. That didn't mean he felt no guilt keeping it a secret from Ranboo, though.

Tubbo knew he and Ranboo had their secrets. This typically wasn't the best thing in a relationship, but they were both very much aware of the fact that they were keeping things from each other and neither had ever really pushed the other into talking about it. The idea of pushing his problems on his already very struggling friend made Tubbo feel sick, and so he kept quiet. Ranboo had his own problems, problems that Tubbo wished he would share with him so that he could help, but he respected his friend's decision and privacy. After all, they both had their reasons. Why did that feel like it wasn't enough of an excuse?

He was violently shivering now. When had it gotten so cold? Tubbo wasn't sure, but there wasn't much he could do about it. He didn't want to go inside to get another coat because it would disturb Ranboo, and there was nothing out here that could help warm him, so he simply curled in further on himself and attempted to use the pockets of his coat to at least try and warm his hands, if anything. It was fine, he told himself. He was lying.

Suddenly, a layer of warmth fell over Tubbo's shoulders. He glanced over to find Ranboo standing there, draping a blanket over Tubbo, a matching one wrapped around his own shoulders. He blinked in surprise at his friend, wondering how he hadn't even heard him open the door.

"Ranboo?"

"Hey Tubbo," the enderman replied, pulling the blanket tighter around himself as he too leaned on the railing, although his back was facing the moonlit view to instead focus on his now warmer friend.

"What are you doing up boss man?" Tubbo asked, his voice a bit hoarse and shaky, which annoyed him.

Ranboo ran his fingers through his unruly black and white hair before shooting his friend a sheepish smile. "I dunno. I just had this gut feeling you needed me. Guess I was right."

"Yeah, thanks for saving me from freezing to death, big man. I would've just sat here all night otherwise."

"I figured," he shook his head exasperatedly. "You're so stubborn sometimes."

"Well I didn't want to wake you."

"I wouldn't have minded."

"But you haven't gotten much sleep lately."

"Neither have you."

At Ranboo's pointed look, Tubbo could only look away, his gaze returning to the sky, which was beginning to lighten. He figured it must be nearly 5 AM if the sun was near rising. The fact that he had likely been out there for almost three hours didn't hit him as hard as it probably should have. Tubbo was far too numb to care much either way.

"Tubbo, are you doing alright?"

His eyes flickered up to meet Ranboo's red and green ones before focusing on the space right over his shoulder. "Yeah, I'm alright. Why do you ask?"

"I dunno man. You just seemed kinda... off lately. I was wondering if everything was okay. I... I know we don't really talk about serious stuff, but... you know you can always come to me, right? I won't mind or anything. I know you've been through some stuff before I came here, and it's okay to need to talk about it or wha-"

Interrupting the enderman, Tubbo shook his head. "Nah. I'm fine, boss man. Just wanted to get some fresh air, go watch the sunrise and all. Y'know?"

Ranboo didn't look convinced. Tubbo figured that he had already estimated how long he had been out of bed based on the temperature of his side of the bed or some nerd shit like that, and sighed.

"I appreciate the offer, boss man. Really. I just..." his fingers tightened around the blanket instinctively and he sucked in a breath. "I can't right now."

"I get it, Tubbo. I'll be here when you're ready. I promise."

At the touch of Ranboo's hand on his shoulder, Tubbo leaned into his friend as they both turned to watch the sunrise. The sky lightened from a deep blue to a pinkish purple swirl of colors as the red-orange sun began to peek over the mountains in the distance, spreading its warm rays over the sleepy town of Snowchester. As stupid and cliché as it was, Tubbo decided to take the sunrise as a sign for better days on the horizon. Surely with something so beautiful and special to start out his day, he was bound to find enough hope and inspiration to finally figure out what the heck to do with his life. Surely this time Tubbo would truly be able to move on and find peace in this new life that he and Ranboo had made. It was only logical that one of these days, he would finally find a breakthrough, right? So why did it feel like he was still lying?

Chapter Text

The following day started out rough to say the least.

Tubbo and Ranboo were both functioning on less than the optimal amount of sleep, although Ranboo had clearly gotten more of it than Tubbo had, and they had a busy day planned ahead of them.

Ranboo had volunteered to decorate Michael's bedroom, an offer that Tubbo was secretly very grateful for, as he would have never been able to do it himself. Aside from discussing some general design plans and asking the occasional question, Ranboo was perfectly content to paint and build and decorate on his own, and to Tubbo's relief, the enderman had their son assist him in the design choices as well. He had peeked in the room once to find Michael sitting on Ranboo's shoulders and putting glow-in-the-dark stars on the ceiling, which had made him smile. He knew they were both keeping themselves very well preoccupied.

Tubbo himself decided to finally begin working on the little bee dome that resided at the top of their mansion. He worked on insulating the dome and putting in solar panels on the roof to act as an energy source for the heaters, as well as putting down dirt and grass seed to prepare for the flowers and bees that would soon reside there. He was glad that there was somewhat of a calming activity like this for him to do, as a lack of sleep typically made his anxiety really bad. Even as he knelt on the ground up to his elbows in dirt and fertilizer and with a bag of grass seed by his side, he could feel the strange buzzing sensation under his skin, as if his body had been set on vibration mode without his knowledge or consent. Every out of place noise or motion put him on edge and he found himself gripping his trowel far tighter than necessary as he worked on spreading dirt across the greenhouse floor. Chewing the inside of his lip, he once again caught a strange flash out of the corner of his eye, which made him jump and turn his head so fast it almost gave him whiplash. The strange flash ended up being a bird that had landed on the roof of the bee dome, which made Tubbo feel a bit silly, but he figured one could never be too careful. He had learned his lesson long ago about how important it was to observe things carefully, even if it might be nothing. Otherwise it was easy to get hurt.

By the time Ranboo poked his head in to tell Tubbo it was time for lunch, he had already finished all that he could do with the bee dome. Until he got flowers and bee hives from a flower forest, he would have to let the greenhouse be. He didn't mind much, as it allowed for the grass to grow and him to adjust the heaters until he found the perfect temperature, but he still really missed seeing his bees.

"Tubbo?"

Shaking his head, the smaller boy glanced over at his platonic husband with a sheepish look on his face. "Sorry, Boo. I was a little distracted. What did you say?"

Ranboo had a bemused look on his face, seeing Tubbo kneeling in the dirt in an apron and gardening gloves, a bit of mud smudged across his cheek and his hair a tangled mess. "It's fine, Tubbo. I just was asking to make sure you were joining us for lunch. I made mac and cheese."

Tossing the trowel aside and pulling off his gloves, Tubbo managed a smile. "Well, what are we waiting for, big man? That mac and cheese isn't gonna eat itself."

After lunch, Tubbo jumped in the shower to freshen up, as he was feeling a bit gross. It felt really nice, the warm water running down his back and soaking his curly mane of hair. Throwing on a black and yellow striped sweater and a pair of jeans, he wandered down to the library, one of the few places in the mansion that was actually fully decorated. Ranboo was already there, sitting in one of the fancy armchairs, his legs crossed and a book in hand. He seemed pretty invested in whatever he was reading, so Tubbo decided to head off in search of Michael instead.

Heading to the playroom, he could already hear the shuffling of toys in bins and Michael's quiet giggles. The thought of his son playing all by himself made Tubbo feel a bit sad. Growing up, he had been blessed to have Tommy's company, and he knew many others had grown up rather close, but Michael had no one. There were no other kids in the SMP, much less Snowchester. He hoped Michael wasn't too lonely. He'd hate for his boy to be sad.

"Hey bud," Tubbo greeted as he stepped in the room. "Having fun?"

"Y-yeah," Michael replied. "I was p-playing with L-legos."

Smiling, Tubbo knelt beside his son. "Legos, huh? What have you been building?"

"A c-castle!" Michael cried, holding up a rather impressive palace that he was in the midst of constructing.

Whistling in appreciation, he took the castle to examine it closer, admiring all the little details. "You should really think about being an architect when you're older, Michael. You clearly have a gift for design."

"Th-thanks Dad," Michael said, his face flushed with pride.

As Michael began to explain the more nuanced design points of his castle, Tubbo couldn't help but be proud of how far his son had come already.

When he and Ranboo had first found Michael as a baby in the Nether, they had no idea what to do. Hybrids weren't uncommon in these parts, and in fact, several of their friends were hybrids, as well as Ranboo himself, but they had never found an orphaned baby hybrid. They typically were very reliant on their parents in order to survive, and there were times that they had feared that their baby zombie pigman wouldn't make it, but remarkably, Michael pushed on. He was resilient. It was evident in everything he did, from his passion in school, to his dedication to learning English, to his fascination with the history of L'Manburg and their family history. He wanted to learn how to farm, fight, mine, and build, and he was always asking questions and learning. It was truly a gift to have Michael in their lives and Tubbo was so grateful that he and Ranboo had insisted on keeping him.

After playing knights and princesses with his son, in which the evil sorcerer Gaergaron kidnapped one of the knights and an army of princesses had to rescue him, Tubbo decided that it was probably about time that he went to go work on their hotel a bit more. That project had mostly gone idle as they'd begun working on furnishing and decorating their house, but he was looking forward to reviving it and hopefully getting a decent bit of work done. He was also sort of hoping that he would run into Tommy. It had been so long since Tubbo had seen him and he was starting to get worried. It was hard living so far away sometimes.

Stepping through the portal, he arrived rather quickly at the community house, or what remained of it. To be honest, it had definitely seen better days, but so had a lot of things around here, so Tubbo supposed it made sense. He really hoped that someone would come around and try to clean up what remained of this place, get rid of all the debris from the latest L'Manburg attack that had destroyed the country and rebuild the shit that had been blown up by withers, but so far, no one seemed all that eager to get on it. Tubbo didn't really want to do it himself. He was tired to rebuilding shit that was bound to get destroyed again eventually, and he figured a lot of people felt the same, but he was sure that someone like Foolish, someone naive and relatively new, would begin rebuilding soon. The newbies never really seem to learn, but Tubbo can't really blame them. They hadn't seen half the things he'd seen. Of course they would be blind to what would one day come to pass. He felt a bitter laugh escape his lips as he began walking to the hotel. He was far too young to be this cynical.

Once he had made it to the Bee & Boo Hotel, Tubbo gazed up at the shell of a building that had been complete and already dreaded what would come next. There was a reason he and Ranboo had essentially abandoned this project. It was a pain in the ass to build. That didn't matter, though. Tubbo was looking for a distraction and a reason to get out of the bitterly chilly town in which he lived, and this was the best reason he had. Sighing, he rolled up his sleeves and grabbed a hammer. It was time to get to work.

Several ceilings and floors later, Tubbo had finally finished adding in all the stories to the building. A nice dark oak roof finished it off, and now all he and Ranboo had left to do was build walls to divide the different rooms and add furniture. Drenched in sweat and extremely tired, Tubbo felt pretty good about the work he had gotten done. Taking a swig of water, he sat on the steps out front of their hotel and pulled out his phone, checking the time. It was just past dinner time, which he knew would worry Ranboo, so he sent his friend a text saying he would be home soon and that he was going to check on Tommy. He received a thumbs up in response, as well as a 'Don't be too long' from his far more responsible partner. Sending a 'See you soon seggsy' and a winky face, Tubbo stuffed his phone in his pocket before heading over to Tommy's dirt hut of a house.

It looked just as it did the last time Tubbo had been here, which admittedly, he couldn't remember exactly when that had been. The days all seemed to blur together and he hadn't left Snowchester in forever. He remembered when Tommy had actually had put an effort into his house, using iron and other valuable materials, only for it to be stolen and destroyed. Repeatedly. Honestly, he couldn't blame his friend for leaving his home in such a sorry state. At least it discouraged people from messing with him. Tubbo was honestly surprised no one had tried to attack his and Ranboo's home yet. There was a plus side for living so far away.

Knocking on the front door, Tubbo shifted his weight from one foot to the other as he waited for Tommy to answer. He expected a rather blunt and Tommy-like response, such as "The hell are you doing here for?" or "You can just walk in, you know" or even "Fuck off, I'm busy", but instead, he was met only with silence. Opening the door on his own, Tubbo peeked in the house, only to find it empty. Tommy's things were obviously still there, scattered across the floor in piles and thrown haphazardly in chests in a very Tommy fashion, but the boy himself was nowhere to be seen. Frowning, Tubbo wondered where on earth his chaotic friend could have gone. He hadn't seen him around town, which was the only other place he could think of... unless...

Eyes widening, Tubbo bolted out the door, slamming it shut behind him. Racing down the rather worn and beaten prime path, he knew where he had to go.

Tommy sat on the edge of a cliff, staring silently down at the ruined remains of L'Manburg that stood below, still smoking lightly even though the fighting had ended months ago. Tubbo often wondered if it would ever stop burning, but that was far from his greatest concern right now. Mostly, he was worried about how close Tommy was sitting on the cliff side, his legs dangling over the edge as he leaned rather nonchalantly back onto his hands, gazing at the burnt out shell of his former home, the country he and his brother had built. Tubbo knew that Tommy had loved L'Manburg, and that he had been devastated when he had watched it burn for the last time. It had been his one last connection to Wilbur, and now it was gone. Tubbo also knew that Tommy had really been struggling mentally lately, and he had been suicidal in the past, so he was feeling extra apprehensive as he watched his friend sitting atop yet another high point in which he could very easily jump off and die.

"Tommy?"

The boy in question glanced back at Tubbo with a rather blank, unfeeling stare before mustering a weak smile. "Oh, hey Tubbo."

His concern only growing, Tubbo walked up and sat beside Tommy, his knees tucked to his chest as he turned to glance at him. "Uh, you doin' alright, big man? You seem a bit... out of it."

"'M okay. Just... thinking."

"What are you thinking about?"

Tommy simply shook his head. "Doesn't matter."

"Alright." He didn't feel good leaving it there, but he knew better than to push Tommy when he wasn't doing well. "So, what's up big man? What have you been up to?"

He just shrugged.

Tubbo chewed his lip, running out of conversation topics. He was really getting concerned about Tommy. His friend wasn't acting like himself at all, and Tubbo knew that was never a good sign. It took a lot to break TommyInnit. "How's your hotel coming along? I was working on mine earlier today."

That caused Tommy to frown, which was better than no reaction at all, but still worrying. "It's not."

His brow furrowed. "What do you mean, Tommy?"

"It's not mine anymore, Tubbo. Jack stole it after I... after I..." Tommy growled in frustration. "You know what I mean. He took ownership of it after he thought I was gone, and now that I'm back, the bastard is determined to keep a hold of it." Tommy wrapped his arms around his torso, shivering slightly in spite the warmth. "Honestly though, I don't really care about the hotel anymore. Jack can keep it. I don't think I'd do it any good anyway."

"What do you mean, boss man? You're a great businessman. You've proven that in the past. You would have done a wonderful job running your hotel. Why'd you just give it up? You fight back, take legal action or something."

Tommy shook his head. "No, it's fine. I don't have the passion for it anymore. And besides, Jack isn't my biggest fan right now. I'm sure I've done some messed up shit in the past that's upset him. Maybe this'll make amends or something. I don't know."

They were silent for a moment, Tommy staring out into the abyss and Tubbo pulled out pieces of grass and watched them blow away in the wind. Finally, he managed to figure out what to say.

"So... what's next then?"

"Hm?"

"Well, surely the great TommyInnit has another grand scheme planned. Some new course of action to be taken now that you're free from all business obligations. I'm sure you've already started stirring up trouble by now, yeah?"

A dry, humorless chuckle was the only response Tubbo received. "Well, the 'great' TommyInnit isn't feeling too great right now, so honestly, I have no idea what I'm going to do. I'm just so... tired. Y'know? And not just physically tired, because I am that, but it's more of a... kind of an emotional exhaustion. I don't know if that makes sense, but-"

"No, I get it," Tubbo interrupted. "I've been sorta feeling the same way. It's been hard, boss man. I honestly don't know what I'm doing either." He peeked a glance over at his friend. "Would you want to... not know what we're doing together?"

Tommy raised an eyebrow. "What do you mean by that exactly?"

"I mean, we have a lot of spare rooms in our house. I don't think Ranboo would mind a guest... if you'd want to move in with us. It could be temporary or long term. Completely up to you. I just figured that maybe... if there wasn't so much distance between us, we might feel better." Tubbo laughed self consciously, feeling a bit idiotic. "It's a stupid idea anyway. I'm sorry. I just miss you, boss man."

He felt a hand on his back and glanced up to find his friend sitting there with a weary smile on his face. "It's not a bad idea at all, Tubso. I can't guarantee anything, but... I'll think about it, alright?"

"Yeah?" Tubbo beamed. "That's great! Well, just let me know boss man, and I'll clean a room up for you in a jiffy. You could even sleep with me and Ranboo if you wanted. We have plenty of room if you don't want to be alone."

Tommy laughed. "Don't get too ahead of yourself, bitch. I said I'll consider it, that's it."

"Fiiiiiiinnnnnne," he whined. Pulling his phone out of his pocket, Tubbo realized he really should be getting home. "I'm really sorry, Tommy, but I-"

He waved him off. "Go see your husband, bee boy. I'll talk to you soon."

"Bye Tommy! Talk to you then!"

As Tubbo ran off, heading back home to his family, Tommy felt the small smile fall off his face as he slowly turned back to stare at the burnt remains of his once home, the home he had built and the home he had watched be destroyed. Twice. Pulling his knees up to his chest and wrapping his arms around himself tightly, he rested his chin on his hands and contemplated all that had been said. Tubbo had made some good points in their conversation, and he really was looking for something different. After all that had happened, perhaps a change of scenery could be good for him. Humming the L'Manburg anthem softly as the breeze teased his unruly blonde hair and ruffled the green bandanna around his neck, Tommy felt himself considering leaving the country he and his brother had built for the very first time.

Chapter Text

My breath was rough and uneven as it escaped my throat, trembling slightly as my gaze fell on the tall figure that was approaching me. The quiet tap tap tap of his dress shoes on the polished oak floors seemed loud in the quiet of the room, almost as loud as the thrumming of my heartbeat in my throat as I slowly backed away from the man before me. His steps never faltered, his stride smooth and self assured, highlighting how clumsy and panicked my fleeing was in comparison. In moments like this, he almost seemed calm, collected, controlled. I knew better.

I let out a soft gasp as my back hit a wall, and I felt sweat began to pool at my temple as I realized what that meant. There was no escape. I was trapped in the room with him. My fingers began to tremble violently, and I clenched them into fists at my sides. He hated it when I showed weakness.

Ducking my head, I focused my gaze on the shiny black dress shoes approaching me instead of the hulking figure who was only a few steps away. I couldn't meet his eye, no matter how much I wished I could. I wanted to fix him with a defiant stare, proving that he didn't scare me, hadn't broken me, couldn't hurt me, but the inability to maintain eye contact even when he was a good few feet away spoke volumes. It didn't matter what I did. He had already won.

"Tubbo..." his voice echoed off the domed ceiling and caused chills to crawl up my spine.

"Y-yes, sir?" I whispered, shrinking in on myself more. The smaller I was, the less of a target I would be.

"Tubbo, Tubbo, Tubbo..."

"S-sir?"

Suddenly, there was a hand gripping my jaw, digging its clawed nails into my skin as it roughly jerked my head up to meet the gaze of Schlatt. Flinching, I somehow managed to meet his bloodshot eyes in spite of how terribly I could feel my body shaking. Schlatt's grip on my jaw tightened as he scowled at me, looking properly pissed off. I had no idea what I had done this time to deserve his wrath, but his breath reeked of alcohol and he seemed to sway slightly as he stood before me, so maybe I hadn't done anything at all.

Without any warning, Schlatt threw me against the wall, my head connecting with a painful click. Unable to maintain my footing, I tumbled to the floor clutching my throbbing skull and wincing up at the president as he bent down to my level.

"Remember your fucking place," he spat before walking away, leaving me on the floor, dazed and confused.

"Y-yes, sir."

"Dad?"

Shooting up with a cry of alarm, Tubbo found himself blinded by the sudden light, blinking rapidly to rid his mind of the unpleasant flashbacks that plagued him moments before. Taking a few gasping breaths, He managed to remember that he, Ranboo, Michael had been sitting in the library quietly reading to themselves before he presumably fell asleep. His gaze flickered to Michael, who stood before him with a concerned look on his face.

"Dad, are you okay?"

Reaching down, Tubbo scooped Michael into his arms and clutched him to his chest as he tried to calm down. Michael, thankfully, returned the hug, and Tubbo was able to ground himself with that gentle touch. Once his breathing had evened out and his mind was no longer trying to torment him by replaying Schlatt's words over and over again, he let Michael go, and the pigman sat in his lap and gazed up at him with a slight frown.

"Is everything alright, Tubbo?"

He glanced over to see Ranboo half standing up, his book resting on the arm of his chair as he stared at his friend with immense worry. Managing a weak smile, Tubbo nodded. "'Course it is, boss man. Just had a nightmare is all. I'm alright." Turning his attention to his son, Tubbo ruffled the boy's hair playfully. "Sorry if I scared you, kiddo. I'm okay now."

Michael nodded, a smile gracing his face. "It's okay Dad. Nightmares can be really scary."

"They can be. That's why I'm lucky to have someone as big and strong as you to scare them away," he replied.

The zombie pigman beamed before hugging his father once more. Resting his chin atop his son's head, Tubbo let out one more deep breath before gently setting Michael back down on the floor.

"I think I'm gonna head to bed now," he explained. "I'll see you both in the morning."

"Goodnight, Dad!" Michael cried.

Ranboo nodded in response, his lips pressed in a firm line. Tubbo knew that he was going to get a lot of questions tomorrow, but for now, he was too tired to care. Stumbling up the stairs, he barely made it to the room before collapsing on the bed. Tiredly pulling the covers up over his head, Tubbo let his eyes fall shut and prayed that this time, the nightmares would keep themselves at bay long enough to get some decent sleep. Fate seemed to have mercy on him, as he had his first peaceful, dreamless night in a long, long time.

When he awoke in the morning, Tubbo felt more rested and refreshed than he had in years. Sitting up, he stretched languidly as a yawn escaped his mouth before glancing at the clock on the bedside table. It read six in the morning, which was surprisingly early for how great he felt, but he supposed that going to bed so soon had probably helped. Ranboo was fast asleep by his side, wrapped tight in a fuzzy blanket and snoring softly. A small smile teased at his lips seeing his platonic husband in such a peaceful state, and he was careful not to disturb him as he got out of bed and jumped in the shower. After throwing on a red sweater that always reminded him of Tommy and a pair of cargo pants, Tubbo crept downstairs and grabbed his coat and shoes. Scribbling down a quick note that explained where he was going, Tubbo was out the door.

Finding a flower biome wasn't too difficult, which was a relief. Just a bit of sailing around and he managed to stumble upon a rather colorful one, full of a variety of flowers that would be perfect for his bee dome. Stooping down, Tubbo began digging up flowers, careful not to damage their roots, before placing them in flower pots and setting them aside. Gathering tulips, lilacs, daisies, poppies, dandelions, orchids, and a number of other flowers, Tubbo hummed softly to himself as he worked. About halfway through, his stomach growled, reminding him that he hadn't eaten anything for breakfast, and he started a small campfire, roasting a few potatoes over the flames and eating them to satisfy his hunger. Once he had collected enough flowers, he places the flower pots in the little cart he had brought with him and pulled them to his boat, depositing them inside safely. It took a few trips, but soon enough his boat was full of beautiful plants to fill his greenhouse.

He considered looking for some bees as well while he was there, but considering he had already been gone for a few hours, Tubbo figured it would probably be best to head home and check in with Ranboo first. Besides, he wanted to plant the flowers as soon as possible before they started to wilt, and it would be easier to hunt for bees when he had someone to help him.

Rowing back over to Snowchester, Tubbo was met by a mildly annoyed Ranboo, who was standing in the doorway, his coat waving in the bitterly cold breeze like a flag on a flagpole as he watched his friend dock his ship at their port. Tubbo filled his cart with a load of flowers before pulling it up to meet the enderman. Ranboo met him with a rather unamused look, one eyebrow raised as if awaiting a response.

"Heyyyy Ranboo," Tubbo started.

"You're an idiot. You're actually an idiot."

"Yeahhhhh.... sorry about that, big man. I admit I should have given you more advanced notice before I left-"

"You mean something more than a two sentence note that only vaguely suggests where you're going and why?" Ranboo interrupted, one hand on his hip and a rather biting tone to his voice.

Tubbo winced. "Sorry, Ranboo. I didn't mean to worry you or anything. I just... you looked so peaceful and I didn't want to wake you, and I knew that it would be better to head out while it was still early before it got all hot, and-"

"Tubbo, I'm just teasing you," he reassured the rambling boy, a slight laugh in his voice. "I'm not mad or anything. If anything, I'm mildly disappointed, and even that's a stretch. I honestly wouldn't expect anything less from you."

Scratching the back of his head, Tubbo managed a short laugh. "Th-that's good. I wasn't really thinking when I left. It was just sort of a split second decision on my part, so... sorry about that."

Ranboo gave Tubbo's shoulder a gentle squeeze. "Don't worry about it, man, really."

"Does that mean that you'll help me carry all the flowers in?" Tubbo sounded hopeful.

"Well..."

"Ranboo, I'm giving you the puppy dog eyes."

The enderman sighed. "Darn you and those puppy dog eyes. Alright, I'll help you carry them in."

"Thank you boo!"

Ranboo shook his head. "You're lucky I love you, you know that?"

"Oh believe me, I'm aware. That's why I keep pushing my limits, because I can always pull the 'but you love me anyway' card to instantly cancel out any chaos I caused."

He laughed. "Of course you will. Well, these flowers aren't going to move themselves. What do you say we get a move on, Tubbo?"

"Way ahead of you, memory boi," Tubbo replied.

Ranboo leaned against the glass walls of the bee dome as he watched his platonic husband kneel in the dirt and plant flowers around the greenhouse. He couldn't help the small smile that teased at his lips at Tubbo's antics, listening to the boy ramble on about types of flowers, what kind of bees he was hoping to find, the bee domes he built in L'Manburg, past misadventures with Tommy, and whatever else he had on his mind. It had been so rare, seeing this side of Tubbo. The boy seemed rather calm and happy at the moment, more at peace than he had ever been, and Ranboo was glad that he was here to witness it. Now, don't get him wrong, Tubbo was typically quite loud, rambunctious, energetic, and cheerful in his own right, but that had always felt just a bit forced. Tubbo smiled, but Ranboo didn't think he was happy. He laughed, but Ranboo didn't think he found anything funny. He bantered and joked around, but Ranboo didn't think his heart was really into it. It was an act, something Ranboo knew all too well, and he was relieved to see Tubbo let down his walls, even for just a little bit.

Chewing on his lip, he tuned out Tubbo's aimless rambling for a moment to ponder whether he should ask Tubbo about his nightmare from the previous evening. He knew that it was something they needed to talk about. Tubbo had been having nightmares far more frequently lately and he was sure there must be a reason for it, just as there must be a reason for why he always refused to talk about the content of said nightmares. However, Ranboo found that he couldn't bring himself to disturb the peaceful contentment that filled the bee dome. Tubbo seemed genuinely happy, and he couldn't bear to ruin it. He'd talk to him about it later, when everything had settled down and Tubbo was in the mood to talk about it. For now, Ranboo was content to watch his platonic husband chatter on about the type of fertilizers he used for the soil and what trouble he and Tommy had gotten into once upon a time, happy knowing that Tubbo was happy, and hopeful knowing that if Tubbo could have one good day, more were bound to follow in the future.

Chapter Text

"Why the fuck did I let you talk me into this?"

Tubbo laughed. "I dunno. You're just really stupid, I guess."

"You take that back you stupid son of a bitch!" Tommy cried, outraged.

A fit of giggles erupted from the ex-president at his friend's antics, resulting in Tommy reaching over and hitting him on the head with the oar. Rubbing his slightly aching skull, Tubbo stuck his tongue out at the boy as they both turned back to rowing. The water sloshed softly against the hull of the boat as they moved along the huge body of water they found themselves in. It was quiet, but the silence was easy. Tommy and Tubbo never really felt it necessary to fill the quiet, not with each other. Any other person and Tommy would be rambling about something inappropriate and Tubbo would start chatting up a storm about random topics that popped in his head, but with each other, they never felt the need to fill the void.

As they rowed across the sea, Tommy and Tubbo kept an eye out for any signs of a flower forest nearby, as they were prime places to find bee hives. Tubbo had hunted down his friend and cajoled him into joining him on this mission, claiming that Tommy was the only man for the job, and he had reluctantly agreed. Secretly, Tommy was grateful that Tubbo had thought of him and not Ranboo, as he missed his friend quite a bit now that they lived so far away, but he would never admit it. Tubbo saw right through his grumbling and complaining, though. He was a lot smarter than people gave him credit for.

"How much longer do you think it'll be?" Tommy asked.

"Hmm?"

"Until we find a flower forest," he elaborated.

"Oh, I'm not sure. There weren't any bee hives in the forest I found a few days ago, and I'm not sure where they might be."

Groaning, Tommy set his oar aside for a moment and scrubbed his face with his hands. "Tubbo..."

Bumping his shoulder into Tommy's, Tubbo offered him a smile. "C'mon big man. It'll be alright. We'll find what we're looking for soon."

"I bloody hope so, or I might be forced to strangle you."

"We wouldn't want that."

"I might want that."

"Oh come on, Tommy! Where's your adventurous spirit?"

He scowled. "It died with Wilbur."

They both froze as the meaning of Tommy's words finally set in. There was nothing but truth and sincerity behind those words, and it left them both shocked to silence. Tommy seemed to shrink in on himself. He couldn't meet Tubbo's eye, and his body was ramrod straight as he stared into the blue water below. Tubbo sat there, mouth agape as he struggled to find the words to say, but nothing came. What could he really say to that anyway? Hesitantly, he reached out to touch Tommy's shoulder, but the boy flinched away and grabbed his oar with white-knuckled fists.

"Let's get going," he mumbled.

"Tommy..."

"Just drop it."

"But Tommy-"

"No." His voice was hard and cold, emotionless, before softening slightly, breaking like shattered glass. "Not- not right now, okay? Please."

"O-okay."

They continued rowing in silence.

The air was still tense when they washed ashore. They hadn't spoken a word since Wilbur was mentioned, and Tubbo missed their easy banter. He stepped out of the boat quietly and watched as Tommy pulled the boat out of the water. Although tall, Tommy wasn't the strongest person in the world, so Tubbo offered his help. The other boy waved him off, though, poking fun at how small Tubbo was in the process. He didn't mind. He was just happy Tommy was talking again.

"So, you think this is the right place?" Tommy asked.

"This is it, big man. I can feel it," Tubbo assured him.

"Alright. Well, let's look for some bees, then."

Tommy followed Tubbo around, a net in one hand and a cart in another, and the two began to wander the new land they had discovered. The island was relatively small and flat compared to most areas they had explored. It wasn't a plains biome, which Tommy was grateful for, but rather a huge valley with a few patches of flower forests occupying the land, and a couple of hills in the distance. Clusters of oak trees stood every few feet, leaving prime places for bee hives. They filled the silence with idle chatter, which helped calm Tubbo's nerves quite a bit.

Tommy seemed to have completely forgotten that Wilbur was ever mentioned, but Tubbo could still feel the icy tension that had filled the air the second his name was brought up, and he hated how it had felt. It reminded him of when he and Tommy had come across each other in the middle of Tommy's exile, when he had teamed up with Technoblade. The look in his eyes was almost too similar for his own taste, and it left a bitterness in his mouth and a pang in his chest. He had hated every moment of Tommy's exile, even moreso now that he knew bits and pieces of what had happened. Tommy hadn't told him much of anything, but he had said enough to make Tubbo want to rip Dream limb from limb as much as look at him.

"Tubso?"

The boy blinked before turning to his lanky friend and offering a small smile. "What's up, Tommy?"

"I think I found a bee hive. You alright, big man?"

"Yeah, 'm okay. Just a little lost in thought."

Tommy frowned. "Don't let the past define you, Tubbo."

He sighed. "How do you always know how to read me?"

"You've always been an open book, boss man, and I happen to speak your language better than most. What's going on?"

"Nothing really."

He gave him a look.

Tubbo sighed. "Something reminded me of a rather unpleasant time in history, that's all."

Tommy rested a hand on his shoulder. "Exiling me wasn't your fault, Tubso. I told you that. I don't blame you for what happened. You know that."

"I still feel bad."

"You did what was best for your people. It's as simple as that."

"But-"

Tommy knelt down and gave Tubbo's shoulder a firm squeeze. "You did what was best for your people, and I'm proud of you for making that choice."

"Even though it got you hurt?" Tubbo's voice was incredibly small.

"Even though it got me hurt. I'm a big man. A little pain was never a problem for me."

"Liar."

"Shut up, man. I'm a big tough man. I can handle anything."

"Tommy, you're the strongest person I know, but your paint tolerance is honestly quite pathetic."

"Oh fuck off."

"Nah."

Amidst their bickering, the two teens managed to stumble upon not one but two bee hives. Tubbo gasped before pointing at their prize, and Tommy whooped with joy.

"We hit the jackpot, boss man!" Tubbo exclaimed.

Their arguing forgotten, they quickly got to work on collecting the hives. It was a bit of a process, with catching the bees and putting them in jars, and then climbing up the tree and grabbing the hive, and they were both exhausted after they had finished. Tommy had his hands on his knees and was gasping for air, while Tubbo was flopped on his back and soaked in sweat. After he was able to breath, Tommy decided to join Tubbo on the ground, lying down next to him and gazing up at the cloudless sky. Tubbo glanced over at his friend, chewing his lip as he willed himself to take a risk.

"Tommy?"

The boy turned to look at his friend. "What's up big man?"

"I... I was just wondering..."

"Yeah?"

"Do you ever... I mean, it's okay if you do, but... do you..."

"Just spit it out man!" Tommy cried, frustrated.

"Do you ever miss him?"

Tommy went silent for a moment. Tubbo held his breath.

"Who?" His voice was barely a whisper.

"Wilbur. Do you ever miss him?"

Silence.

"I miss... who he was."

Tubbo's eyes widened. He hadn't really expected Tommy to respond, least of all in the quiet, soft, and mature tone that his voice had taken.

"I miss the Wilbur who raised me after Phil and Techno left, the Wilbur who started the drug van, the Wilbur who fought for L'Manburg, the Wilbur who led our country to greatness with his leadership. I don't miss the Wilbur who was exiled and started Pogtopia. I don't miss the Wilbur who destroyed our home."

A pause.

"I still loved him. Even after he... hurt me. He... wasn't the same after the exile. He became temperamental. Volatile. Violent. His paranoia led him to do some shitty things. He grew to be very possessive of me, and manipulative. He didn't trust anyone except for me, and he saw everyone, even Techno, as a tool, a means to an end. He would... punish me if I disobeyed him. Sometimes it was as simple as a slap across the face. Other times..." He took off the green bandanna to reveal a scar traveling from his jaw to his collarbone. "It was not. But even after all he did, I never stopped loving him. He..." Tommy's voice grew choked. "He was my brother. He was the only family I ever knew, for a time. One can't just turn off those feelings, even after all that happened. But... I'm glad he's gone. Not... not the brother I knew, but the stranger that I came to know. Even though... even though his death hurt me, and still hurts me to this day, I'm... I'm glad that he can't hurt anyone anymore. And I'm glad he's no longer in pain. Tubbo, he was in so much pain..."

Tubbo wasn't sure exactly when Tommy started crying, and Tommy himself probably couldn't tell either, but by the end, there were tears streaming down his face. Shoving himself up, Tommy swiped at his face angrily, seemingly embarrassed that he had been caught crying. He was mumbling to himself about how weak and pathetic he was for crying, apologizing to Tubbo for how he acted. Tubbo, however, was having none of that. In an instant, he tackled Tommy into a tight hug, refusing to let go. After a moment of resistance, Tommy gave in and returned the hug, complaining all the while. Tubbo could feel how tightly Tommy was clinging to him though, so he knew it was helping.

"Hey, it's okay, big man," Tubbo offered, his voice shaking slightly. "It's okay. I understand how it feels. I really do."

Tommy simply nodded, shivering slightly as he hugged his friend tight.

"It's okay to feel this way, you know. It's natural to feel like this."

"I know."

"No one can be mad at you for that. Anyone else would feel this way too."

"You're right."

"Nothing you say or do could ever drive me away from you. You know that, right?"

"Yeah. Thanks, Tubbo. I... don't know what I would do without you."

"Well lucky for you, you aren't getting rid of me anytime soon."

Tommy laughed. "Good."

"Now, what do you say we head home, boss man?"

"Sounds like a plan. I'm feeling proper tired."

Tubbo got to his feel before pulling Tommy up. "Well, let's get our shit together and get going, then."

"Yeah, wouldn't want your hubby to worry about you," Tommy teased.

Tubbo elbowed him in the stomach, causing Tommy to groan and make a face at him. "He'll be worried about you too, dickhead."

Tommy raised an eyebrow. "Really? Ranboo? Worried about me? I doubt it."

"'S more likely than you'd think. You were his first friend, you know."

Tommy didn't say another word about it for the rest of the trip.

When they arrived back at the community house, they paused in their travelling to catch their breath. It was evening, turning dusk, and suddenly Tubbo didn't want Tommy to leave. When he turned to head towards his dirt hut, Tubbo reached out and caught his arm, making him pause.

Turning to Tubbo, Tommy frowned in confusion. "What's up, big man?"

He opened his mouth, but once again, Tubbo found he didn't have the words to articulate what he wanted to say, so instead he just settled on "Stay."

"'Stay'?" Tommy repeated. "Tubbo, I can't."

Tubbo's grip tightened slightly and he felt the desperation creep into his voice. "Please."

"Tubbo..."

"I don't... I don't want you to be alone anymore."

Tommy was silent for a moment.

"Please, Tommy. I don't want you to be alone."

Another pause.

"If I do this, you better help me pack," Tommy said.

"I will! I promise."

A smile crept onto Tommy's face. "What are we waiting for, then? We have a hell of a lot of shit to pack."

"On it!"

With that, Tubbo went off running towards Tommy's house. As he disappeared around the corner, Tommy could hear his excited shouts, followed by the sound of objects being thrown around. Laughing at his friends antics, Tommy shook his head before chasing after him. He didn't know what would await him when he arrived with Tubbo in his new home, but Tommy knew that it would be okay. He would be alright as long as Tubbo was with him. After all, he wasn't alone anymore. That was good enough for him.

Chapter Text

Ranboo was quite surprised when Tubbo returned home with Tommy in tow. Now, don't get him wrong. He was overjoyed that Tommy had decided to accompany Tubbo, and even moreso when he realized that Tommy was going to be moving in with them. He was just surprised Tubbo had managed to convince him to do so. Tommy was... stubborn, to say the least, and Ranboo knew that L'Manburg had been special to him, although he never really knew why. Getting Tommy to leave his home behind and join them in Snowchester had always seemed impossible to Ranboo. And yet Tubbo had done it.

"Hey Tommy!" Ranboo greeted warmly. "It's so great to see you!"

"Yeah, nice to see you too, big man," Tommy mumbled in return.

Frowning, the enderman quickly noticed that his friend seemed worse for wear than the last time he had encountered him. Tommy was covered in bruises and bandages, his clothes were riddled with rips and holes, and he appeared to be walking with a limp. He exchanged a glance with Tubbo, who also looked concerned, and pasted on a smile. As much as he wanted to confront Tommy then and there, Ranboo knew all he would end up doing was pushing him away, and he couldn't bear to do that, especially not right after Tubbo had somehow managed to convince him to live with them.

"Why don't you head on inside and pick out a room?" Ranboo suggested. "We have a lot to choose from."

"Sure."

With that, Tommy disappeared inside.

Ranboo turned to his platonic husband. "You doin' okay, Tubbo?"

He blinked at him. "Hmm?"

"You alright? You're awfully quiet."

"Oh, yeah. Just... Tommy and I had a bit of a talk and... it's left me with a lot to think about, I guess."

"May I ask what it was about?"

Tubbo made a face. "Wilbur."

Ranboo's heart skipped a beat at the mention of the long-dead founder of L'Manburg. He knew little to nothing of the man, as he had never met him, and people seemed disinclined to tell him any useful information, but he knew that Wilbur had left quite the impact on the people living there, and it hadn't necessarily been a pleasant one. "Oh?"

"Tommy really misses him," the former president sighed. "I just wish things could've had a better ending."

Deciding to store that piece of information away for later, Ranboo simply nodded.

"But he's gone now, and there's nothing we can do about it," Tubbo continued before straightening. "So how about we help Tommy settle in? I'm sure he could use the assistance."

"Knowing Tommy, he's already burnt down half the house," the enderman said with a chuckle.

Tubbo smiled, but it didn't meet his eyes. "...yeah..."

Ranboo frowned at that, wondering what was up, but his friend stepped inside their house before he could question it.

"Tommy?" Tubbo called, his voice echoing loudly in the grand hall that stood before him.

The boy in question flinched, his head snapping in their direction from where he stood at the foot of the stairs before relaxing at the sight of his friends. The tension in his shoulders remained, though, and Ranboo fought back the urge to fuss over Tommy and ask him what was wrong, knowing that was the last thing the boy probably wanted.

"You okay, big man? Why are you just standing there? Have you picked out a room?" Tubbo asked, brow furrowed.

"I..." Tommy's voice broke slightly. "I decided I would rather wait for you to come with me," he said smally. "I... I'm not used to such a big house, and it sorta... overwhelmed me, I guess."

Tubbo's expression softened. "That's fine, boss man. We'll go with you if you'd like."

Ranboo could see the discomfort in Tommy's eyes and quickly interrupted. "Actually, I really should go check on Michael. He's been in his room for a while. You two go on ahead. I'll catch up with you later."

The blonde seemed relieved, although he tried to hide it well, and Ranboo smiled. "I'll see you later, Tommy."

"Bye bitch boy."

At that, Ranboo hurried away to Michael's room, happy that he had been able to read Tommy's body language and make the boy more comfortable. He knew that out of anyone on the SMP, Tommy felt the safest with Tubbo. He could let his walls down around the brunette in a way he never could with anyone else, and Tubbo always knew how to help him. Tommy was alright with Ranboo. The two had been pretty close at one point and he knew that Ranboo cared about him and his well-being, but Tommy wasn't the most comfortable around Ranboo, and the enderman was aware of that. He wanted to give Tommy his space the best he could, so he studied his body language carefully to ensure he knew when he was wanted and when he was not.

Lost in thought, he didn't even realize that he had reached Michael's door until he heard the soft snorts and quiet giggles of his son, breaking him from his reverie. Knocking on the door, Ranboo smiled when he heard someone quickly rush to open it, gazing down at Michael's grinning face as his son pulled him into the room to join him.

"H-hey Papa," Michael greeted.

"Heya Michael," Ranboo returned ruffling the pink fur atop his head.

"W-what did yy-you want, Pops? Do y-you n-need me for ss-something?"

"I just wanted to check on you a bit. You've been awfully quiet lately."

"I w-was just rr-reading."

Ranboo knelt next to his son as Michael flopped on the floor. "What were you reading?"

Michael held out a book titled Charlotte's Web, and Ranboo took it.

"It's r-really good, Pops. A-and there's a-a pig in it!"

"Just like you!" he exclaimed, laughing when Michael nodded furiously.

"J-just like me! S-say Pops?"

"Yes, Michael?"

"W-would you l-like me to read t-to you?"

Ranboo's grin widened. "Of course!"

With that, the two curled up on the floor, Michael in Ranboo's lap, as the baby pigman slowly but steadily began to read the story aloud.

"You doing alright, big man?" Tubbo asked once he was sure Ranboo was out of earshot. "You've been acting kinda funny."

"It's just... a lot," Tommy admitted. "This is all happening so fast, and... I don't know if I'm ready for this or not."

"Hey, that's okay," he assured his friend. "We'll take things one step at a time. If you're not ready to pick a room, you can just share a room with me and Ranboo. Or you can sleep with Michael if you'd like. If you just wanna leave your things here for now, we'll leave them in the parlor, or put them in whichever room you wanna stay in. There's no rush, Tommy. We can take our time."

The younger boy nodded, playing with his sleeves. He wouldn't meet Tubbo's eye.

"How about I show you around the place first," Tubbo suggested. "That way you can sort of getting a lay of the land. See what rooms are available and where things are. Does that sound okay?"

He nodded again.

"Great! Follow me."

Tommy walked in mostly silence as he followed Tubbo around. He led him through a variety of rooms, most of them either completely empty or quite bare, and explaining what plans, if any, the two had for the room. If there was no set plan for that room, that meant that it could be Tommy's room, if he wanted it to be. The rooms were big and had plenty of room for potential, which typically would have excited Tommy, but now left him with a feeling of dread. He didn't want a big room. Not really. It would remind him of all he had lost over the years, and the last thing he needed was a reminder. He didn't want a room too far away from Tubbo and Ranboo. He had been too far away from them for too long, and even the thought of being on a different floor as them made his stomach twist painfully. Tommy didn't know why he felt so anxious and out of place, but these insecurities were really starting to get to him. He was half tempted to cling to Tubbo's arm just to assure himself that the boy wasn't going anywhere, but his stubborn pride kept him at bay. He didn't want to seem to clingy. That might push Tubbo away more.

Tubbo stopped suddenly and Tommy nearly bumped into him, blinking in surprise. "The fuck?"

"Tommy, what the fuck's going on?"

The blonde swallowed hard before responding. He must have made him mad. "I... I don't..."

"You've been way too quiet. Are you okay?"

Tommy didn't know how to respond to that. "I..."

"Hey," Tubbo put a hand on his shoulder. "It's okay to not be okay, Tommy. Just talk to me."

"I... I think I need some fresh air," he managed. His chest felt too tight, and suddenly it was much harder to breathe. "I... I can't..."

Tubbo seemed to get the sense of urgency that colored Tommy's voice, because he took the boy's hand without another word and practically dragged him towards the direction of one of the rooms. Tommy clung on, trying and failing to fill his lungs with air, as he wondered where on earth Tubbo was taking him. It didn't matter much, as Tommy was sure he was bound to pass out in a few moments anyway. The edges of his vision were going black.

He blinked, and suddenly Tommy was standing on a balcony, leaning heavily against Tubbo as he took in a gulp of the frigid winter air. Sucking in deep gasps of air frantically, he felt himself calm down as the icy wind bit into his skin, cooling the feverish warmth that had threatened to engulf him. Tubbo didn't say a word, standing there with one arm wrapped around Tommy to hold him upright and he recollected himself, his lips pressed into a firm line. Once Tommy cleared his head and could hold his own weight, he managed a shaky laugh.

"Sorry about that, Tubso. I... I don't know what that was."

"It's okay, big man. Happens to me too sometimes. This balcony is a godsend. We'll make sure your room has one too, whenever you decide you want a room of your own."

"Th-thanks."

"Anytime. You feeling better, big man? Are you ready to continue?"

Tommy thought about it for a second before nodding. He truthfully did feel quite a bit better.

"Then let's get a move on. I'd like to finish the tour before dinner."

"Sounds like a plan."

Ranboo and Michael had gotten through about three and a half chapters before they were interrupted by soft cooing. Glancing over his shoulder, Ranboo saw Tubbo and Tommy standing in the doorway. Tubbo was beaming, his hands on his cheeks as he watched Michael read to his platonic husband. Tommy stood a bit behind him, looking a bit uncomfortable but amused, a slight smirk on his face. Ranboo blushed slightly at the sudden attention, and Michael leaped up and ran into his father's arms once he realized he was there.

"D-Dad!"

"Hi Michael," Tubbo greeted, reaching down to hug the pigman.

Tommy backed up a few more steps to give them some room. He caught Ranboo's gaze and made a face at him, and Ranboo laughed. He couldn't help but notice how much paler Tommy looked than he had eariler, though, and his laughter quickly died out. He wondered what had happened on their tour.

Michael pulled back from Tubbo's embrace and glanced behind his father curiously. "W-who's that?"

Tubbo turned and smiled. "That's your Uncle Tommy. He's going to be staying with us for a while."

Michael's eyes lit up and he rushed towards his unsuspecting uncle, who seemed quite out of his element. Throwing his arms around Tommy's leg, Michael hugged him tight, and Tommy's eyes widened.

"Uh..." Tommy uttered, glancing at his friends for assistance and flipping them off when all they did was stand there and smirk at him. "Hey there, little guy."

"Hi Uncle Tommy!" Michael said cheerfully.

"Is it okay if I live with you guys for a while?" he asked.

"Yes! I always wanted an uncle!"

Tommy's eyes softened at that, and he knelt down to hug Michael properly. "Well, I can't promise I'll be a great uncle, but I'll do my best, okay?"

"Okay!"

Ranboo felt his heart melt at the sight of the two of them. He had never seem Tommy so soft, and Michael seemed to already be incredibly attached to him. Tubbo stood there with his hands over his heart, trying his best not to cry and the sheer adorableness before him. He could already tell that Tommy was going to be a great uncle to Michael. He hoped that Michael would be good for Tommy too. The boy had been through a lot, and he was in dire need of some mindless fun. Turning to Ranboo, he gave him a look, and the two quickly and quietly left. They could already hear Michael drawing Tommy into whatever game the pigman had picked out from behind the door. Exchanging a smile, Ranboo and Tubbo decided to leave the two be for a while so they could bond. Tubbo headed back to the foyer, where his beehives were waiting to be put in the greenhouse on the roof, and Ranboo headed to the kitchen to make dinner for the four of them. Things were going to take a while to get used to and it was going to be a rough road from here. That was something both Tubbo and Ranboo were very aware of. They all had immense amounts of trauma to get over and a long road to recovery ahead of them. In their hearts, though, they knew that everything would be okay in the end. Things could only go up from here.

Chapter Text

Ranboo knew something was wrong the second he opened his eyes. He wasn't sure what had woken him. Judging by the pitch black darkness outside and the stillness of the night, it was somewhere in the early hours, definitely after midnight, and everything was quiet and peaceful as it always was. Tubbo was fast asleep beside him, the blankets pulled up to his chin and a tranquil expression on his face that made Ranboo's heart melt just a little at the sight. Still, there was a tightness in his chest that he couldn't ignore. Some intrinsic part of his mind just knew that something was wrong, and Ranboo couldn't seem to shake it.

After a good half an hour of trying to roll over and fall asleep, he finally admitted defeat. He wasn't going to be getting any more rest until he assured himself that everything was alright. Doing his best not to disturb his platonic husband, Ranboo crawled out of bed and wrapped a robe around himself to help with the chill. Then, he quietly tread out the door and down the hall.

Everything was silent, almost unnaturally so, and for some reason that made Ranboo feel even more tense than before. It was almost as if the universe was holding its breath for a moment, and he wouldn't have been surprised if everything suddenly broke into a cacophony of chaos any second. Instead, the silence was broken by a small, broken sob.

Ranboo's ears perked up at the sudden noise, honing in on it, and if he wasn't mistaken, he was pretty sure it had come from Tommy's room, which was further down the hall. Creeping slowly towards the room, the sound of crying only grew louder, followed by a heaving gasp that could only come from a panic attack. Concern shooting through him, Ranboo hurried to Tommy's door and knocked softly before entering, hoping that the boy wouldn't mind his sudden intrusion.

Tommy was curled up on the floor with his back to the wall, his knees tucked into his chest and his face buried in his arms. He was trembling something horrible and his breathing came out as more of a wheeze. Rushing over to his friend, Ranboo knelt beside Tommy and tried his best to remain calm. He knew that if he began to panic, it would only make Tommy's episode worse.

"Tommy?" he said softly.

The boy's head jerked up quickly and Ranboo found himself looking into the tear-filled eyes of TommyInnit. Tommy shrank in on himself, as if trying to hide his panicked state from Ranboo. Reaching out, the enderman held out his hand as an offering, and with a choked sob, Tommy took it. The blonde quickly clung to Ranboo, his tears burning the enderman's skin, but he didn't mind, instead holding Tommy closer. Slowly, the boy's tears ceased and his breathing calmed as he felt the safety of Ranboo's arms around him, and soon enough he pulled away, shoving the hybrid away from him a bit roughly, a slight blush coating his cheeks.

"S-sorry about that, big man. I-I didn't mean to w-wake you," he managed, his voice still shaking slightly.

Ranboo righted himself before offering a gentle smile. "Hey, it's okay man. Are you okay? What happened?"

Tommy shook his head. "Just a s-stupid nightmare. I'm s-sorry you had to ss-see me like th-that."

He placed a firm hand on Tommy's shoulder. "There is nothing wrong with needing help, Tommy. You know that, right?"

The blonde shoved his hand away, avoiding the enderman's gaze. "Whatever you say, Ranboob."

Sighing, Ranboo decided to change topics, seeing that he couldn't get through to Tommy at the moment. "What was your nightmare about? It must have been pretty rough."

Tommy froze, looking like a deer in headlights. Not a word made it out of his slightly parted lips.

Ranboo bit the inside of his cheek, wondering if he went too far. He didn't want to hurt Tommy. He hadn't thought it would be that touchy of a subject. Just as he was digging around in his head for a something to say, the boy spoke.

"It was about Wilbur," he said, his voice barely above a whisper. "I watched him die again."

"...oh."

Tommy curled up tighter, shivering slightly. "I can still hear him begging Phil to kill him."

Ranboo really didn't have anything he could say to that.

"I... I wish there was something I could have done. To help him..." his voice dropped until it was just barely audible. "...to save him."

"Tommy..." he took a breath. "I... I'm really sorry about Wilbur. I don't know exactly what your relationship with him was like, but I'm sure it must have been hard to lose him. I can't imagine how much it must have hurt."

A choked laugh escaped Tommy's lips. "It was like I had been stabbed through the heart instead."

They were silent a moment. Ranboo struggled to collect his thoughts. Tommy seemed lost in his.

"Who... who was Wilbur to you, Tommy?" the enderman finally asked.

Tommy's voice became incredibly soft, the softest Ranboo had ever heard it. "He... he was my brother, Ranboo."

His eyes widened. "...oh."

"Phil adopted us, me, Wilbur, and Techno. He even took Tubbo in, although he never officially adopted him." Tommy frowned. "I never knew why."

"Techno... Techno is your brother?"

"Yeah. Doesn't act like it, does he?" A mirthless laugh. "Although I can't really blame him for that. A lot of shit has happened that's torn a rift between us. We both have a lot to apologize for."

"So... Philza is your father?"

He grimaced. "Only by law. Wilbur raised me more than Phil ever did. He was always off on an adventure with Techno. We were lucky if we spent a week with him per year, and nonconsecutive at that."

"That... that sounds rough, buddy."

Tommy shrugged it off, stretching out his legs and nearly kicking Ranboo in the process. "You get used to it after a while. While Phil was off playing favorites, Wilbur took care of me. That's why we were always so close. He was all that I knew for a long time."

Ranboo tried to imagine someone as loving and kind as Phil leaving behind the children that he had taken in and called his own in favor of the other, but it was such a foreign concept to him that all he could do was gape at the thought. That didn't sound like Phil, and yet it had been for years. He couldn't imagine how much it must have hurt Tommy and Wilbur, knowing that they weren't wanted, that they weren't worth the time or effort in the eyes of their father, and his chest ached.

"That must have really hurt you," he said carefully, trying to get Tommy to open up without pushing him.

He shrugged again. "Not really. I was pretty young when he first started going on these trips, so I didn't really get attached to him. Wilbur though..." Tommy bit his lip. "He was crushed, to say the least. I think all that shit really stuck with him, especially towards the end. He got really paranoid that people were going to hurt and leave him. Barely let me out of his sight when we were in Pogtopia."

"Do you... have any idea what led to his descent? From what I've been told, he was a great man. How did he go from the founder and president of a country to... well..."

Tommy sighed, hugging his arms around himself. "It's really hard to say what was the straw that broke the camel's back. It could have been Schlatt's betrayal. The two were really close once upon a time, and he stabbed Will in the back to get ahead. It could have been watching the downfall of his own country from a distance and not being able to do anything about it. It could have been Fundy's betrayal. He did everything for that kid, and to watch him throw it all away, it must have broke his heart. It could have been the stress of everything, always having to watch your back, always afraid that those you trust will betray you and those you love will leave you. It could have been a combination of everything or it could have been none of the above. Wilbur's mental health was never great. I watched him while he was president. He barely slept, he was always stressed, he cried himself to sleep more often than not, and he was always doubting himself and his abilities. It wouldn't have taken much to break him. Not when he was already broken."

Ranboo was a bit speechless. Here he was, having a mature, serious conversation with Tommy, and for the first time, he felt like he truly saw Tommy for who he was, and not the persona he put on to protect himself. Because that was all that the facade really was: a mask to hide all that he had been through, all that he had seen. He had seen those he loved spiral to the edge and watched them die. He had been left by those he cared for and betrayed by those he trusted. He had been manipulated and abused by those that he had called his friends. He had fought in wars since he was young and stared death in the eyes, and yet here he was. Still standing strong. It was admirable and terrifying in equal measures. Ranboo found himself even more worried for his friend, but he tried to push down his fears. There would be a time and a place, but that was not here, and certainly not now. He had finally gotten Tommy to open up a bit. He wasn't going to ruin it now.

"What was Wilbur like? Before L'manburg and everything, I mean."

He smiled softly at that. "He was everything I could have asked for in a big brother. Patient beyond belief with me and my shit. Willing to spend time with me even when he was busy and had other things going on. Teased me and tormented me until I reached my limit, but always knew when it was too far and made sure I knew how much he loved me. Pretended that he didn't care about me, but the second anyone mistreated me, he was ready to step in and protect me. Honestly, I was lucky to have him. He filled in as my father, brother, and friend without anyone asking him to. He could have left me too. He could have just made sure I had everything I needed to survive and ignored me otherwise. But he didn't. I owe him a lot for all he did for me."

"He sounds wonderful," Ranboo offered.

"He was. I... I really miss him."

"And that's okay. It's okay to miss people you love."

Tommy glanced at him, tears gathering in his eyes. "Even if they hurt you?"

Ranboo's heart seized. "Y-yeah. Even if they hurt you, it's okay to still miss them... or at least, miss who they were."

He nodded, managing a weak smile.

"Tommy, you know you don't deserve any of the messed up stuff you've been through, right?" Ranboo asked suddenly. "You know that you don't deserve to be hurt or worse for being yourself, right?"

"O-of course, big man," he replied, but his voice broke slightly in a way that made Ranboo think he didn't.

"You don't deserve anything you've gone through, Tommy," Ranboo said softly. "You are a good person. You've done so many amazing things for everyone here and you deserve the world."

"Th-thanks, Ranboo. You're okay too, I guess," Tommy muttered, but his friend could hear the warmth in his voice.

"Anytime, man. I want to help you, you know. I'll always be here."

"Yeah..." he paused for a moment. "Can I sleep now?"

Ranboo laughed. "Of course. I'll leave you be now. Good ni-"

"Wait!" he cried, and the enderman stopped in his tracks. Tommy seemed surprised and embarrassed by himself, but that didn't stop him from asking, "Could you... stay with me. Even if it's just for a little bit. I just... don't really want to be alone right now."

"Sure! Do you want me to sit here until you fall asleep?"

"I-if that's no trouble..."

"Of course not. I'm here for you, man."

Pulling up a chair, Ranboo sat down next to the bed as Tommy crawled under the covers. The enderman quietly told Tommy stories of days long past as the boy slowly began to drift off, listening contently to the low rumble of Ranboo's voice and allowing it to lull him to sleep. Once the blonde was fast asleep, Ranboo stood and pulled the covers over Tommy before leaving the room, shutting the door silently behind him. Heading back to his own bed, Ranboo curled up next to Tubbo and felt himself fall asleep almost instantly, exhausted from all the emotional turmoil he had felt but happy that he had been able to make a difference this time.

Chapter Text

Tubbo stared at the door of his nuclear weapons facility in contemplation. It just looked like every other house that he'd build in Snowchester, if a bit bigger than the little cabins that littered the snowy seaside town. The fact that it blended in so well that no one ever questioned its existence still surprised Tubbo to this day. He had been certain that it would raise some eyebrows at some point, but it had gone completely unnoticed. Then again, everyone had moved in after its creation, so perhaps they simply were too used to its presence that they didn't even think to ask. Either that, or they were stupidly naive to think nothing was going on in the oddly big building that no one was ever seen entering or leaving.

As he stepped inside, Tubbo quickly locked and dead-bolted the door behind himself before leaning against the heavy metal surface, letting out a long sigh. He had been enjoying his time with Tommy and Ranboo as of late, but it was getting to be a bit overwhelming. He never had any time alone, what with Tommy sticking by his side like a leech and Ranboo constantly checking in on them. He loved them both, but he needed his space. That was why he had taken the time to sneak away this morning before either woke up. It wasn't like he had gotten any sleep anyway.

Pacing the weapons facility, Tubbo found himself double and triple checking that everything was in its proper place and in working order. He had pretty much handed the nuclear project to Jack after he had begun focusing on his home and family, and he trusted the man to take care of everything, but Tubbo still liked to check in every now and then just to see what progress was being made. To his credit, Jack Manifold was making excellent strides, some might even say historic. Tubbo was sure no one else had ever built up such an impressive nuclear arsenal, especially in such a short amount of time. It had taken a lot of sleepless nights on both of their parts in order to get this project going, but it seemed there was no stopping it now. He just hoped Jack didn't spend all his time working on the nukes. The man needed to take time and enjoy himself too.

Once he was satisfied that everything was in good shape, Tubbo left the nuclear plant and found himself wandering aimlessly around Snowchester. As he walked, he tried to think of what he could do for his next project. He couldn't just sit around all day without any plans. That allowed him to fall into his thoughts, and right in this instant, that was not a place Tubbo necessarily wanted to be. He figured he could probably start decorating the inside of their enormous house, but for some reason the thought itself was a tad off putting. Perhaps it reminded him too much of the countless other homes he had built, lovingly decorated, and lost in the midst of war.

"There aren't going to be any other wars," he attempted to remind himself.

For some reason that felt like a lie.

"There's no reason to fight anymore. Dream's locked away. Everything's peaceful now," he tried again.

That still felt wrong.

Tubbo sighed. "No... as long as Dream's still alive, we'll never truly be at peace. And even with him gone, who's to say another manipulative bastard won't rise up in his place? We're fucked."

"Who's fucked?"

His head snapped to the side as he caught sight of a figure approaching him in the snow. Tubbo recognized that red and white shirt shining like a beacon through the snow and instantly felt himself calm. He let out a breath. "Hey Tommy."

The blonde scowled, his eyes narrowing as he stopped a few feet from the former president. Tubbo couldn't help but notice the dried tearstains that marred Tommy's cheeks and felt himself frown. Had Tommy had another nightmare? That must've been the fifth one this week! "Don't 'Hey Tommy' me. What the fuck are you talking about?"

Tubbo shook his head, trying his best to manage a smile. "Nothing, boss man. Just talking to myself. What are you doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep. Now would you give me a real fucking answer?"

He sighed. "Are you ever afraid... of Dream getting out of prison?"

Tommy instantly paled, but his expression remained incredibly calm and controlled. Tubbo wouldn't have given it a second thought if he couldn't see the way his friend's fingers trembled. "Of course not. I'm TommyInnit. I'm not scared of anything.

"Bullshit."

He bit the inside of his cheek, wrapped his arms around his torso and rubbing them to keep warm. "Well, can you fucking blame me? The bastard traumatized me and shit."

Tubbo instantly regretted his phrasing. "I didn't mean it like that, Tommy. I just meant... you don't have to pretend everything's alright, ya know? I know he did some messed up shit to you. It's okay to be afraid of him. It doesn't make you any less of a man."

Tommy shook his head. "It's not that, Tubbo. I just..." he ran his blue tipped fingers through his hair. "I don't want him to know how afraid I am of him. If he sees a weakness, he takes advantage of it. You know how people like him are."

For a minute, Tubbo was trapped in the box, Techno pointing a rocket launcher to his chest while he heard Schlatt's egotistical, arrogant, slimy voice told him to pull the trigger, and then he was back standing in the snow with his friend by his side. He let out a shaky breath. "Yeah, I know," he murmured, unable to hide the break in his voice.

Tommy, to his credit, didn't mention it. "I just... I want to be over this, Tubso. I feel so pathetic, being caught up in something that happened ages ago."

"Well, to be fair, I was blown up even further back and I still haven't recovered from that."

The blonde's eyes shot up to meet his friend's. "Really?"

Tubbo laughed, but there was no humor in his voice. "Yeah... I still get this awful nightmares. They're like flashbacks but worse."

"How could they be any worse than you getting fucking blown up by fireworks?" Tommy asked, his voice incredulous.

"Sometimes I'm watching you get blown up instead," Tubbo said softly. Tommy went silent. "Or Ranboo." He gripped the sleeve of his jacket tightly. "Or Michael. I'm stuck there, unable to move, to speak, to do anything but watch. Sometimes I'm the one pulling the trigger."

"Tubbo..." Tommy trailed off. His voice sounded sad and a bit helpless, as if he had no idea what to do to help in this situation. Tubbo didn't know if there was anything to do.

"Sometimes..." Tubbo's voice choked off, and he shook his head. "I-I can't..."

"Hey," Tommy placed his hand on the shorter boy's shoulders. "It's okay, man. You don't have to talk about it until you're ready."

Tubbo placed his hand on top of Tommy's trying to ground himself. The iciness of Tommy's fingers helped quite a bit; they bit right through the fuzzy warmness that was beginning to fill his body, just like it did whenever he dissociated. Wait...

"Tommy!" Tubbo cried. "Why the fuck are you out here without a coat?! You're going to get hypothermia!"

The blonde opened his mouth to respond, but the ex-president was already dragging his friend through the snow, his hand wrapped firmly around his wrist.

Ranboo walked downstairs to find Tommy bundled up in about five blankets next to the fire while Tubbo fussed over him. He blinked slowly, trying to process whatever the heck had happened, but he had literally woken up about ten minutes before and he was in desperate need of caffeine and a minute or two to clear his head. Wiping the last remains of sleep from his eyes, Ranboo glanced over at Michael, who was seated on the reading chair a few feet away, raising an eyebrow in a silent question.

"U-Uncle Tt-Tommy went o-outside without a cc-coat on," the pigman replied, and Ranboo scrubbed his face wearily. It was far too early in the morning for this crap.

Shuffling to the kitchen, the enderman hybrid quicky made a coffee for himself and a hot chocolate for Tommy before heading back into the living room, where he found Tubbo and Tommy curled up together on the floor, leaning against each other. Tubbo was already fast asleep, the softest, most relaxed expression on his face that Ranboo thought he had ever seen. Tommy was still awake, but very subdued, and his eyes flickered up to meet the much taller man's as he entered the room.

Ranboo silently passed the hot chocolate to the blonde before sitting down on the sofa with his coffee. Tommy silently nursed his hot chocolate, occasionally taking small sips, as he stared intently into the fire. Something about his expression put the enderman hybrid on edge, and he kept glancing over to make sure he wasn't doing anything stupid. The last thing he wanted was for Tommy to get hurt.

"You sleep okay, big man?"

Ranboo blinked before meeting the rather blank gaze of the former vice president, surprised that Tommy had spoken after such a prolonged period of silence. "Yeah, I slept okay. How about you?"

Tommy snorted, and he figured that was as much of an answer as he was going to get.

"What were you doing out in the snow?"

"I couldn't find Tubbo in the house. Got a little panicked," the blonde replied, seeming a bit sheepish. "I know it's stupid, but after everything... it just puts me on edge, not knowing where he is."

Tommy could see smoke filling the air, blinding him. The taste of gun powder coated his tongue and filled his throat, and he coughed violently, pulling his bandanna up over his mouth in an attempt to block out the noxious fumes. He could feel blood trickling down his temple and swiped at it absently with his shirtsleeve, ignoring the metallic scent that followed as he searched through the smoke and the explosions for the familiar face of his friend. Cursing himself silently for letting Tubbo get separated from him, Tommy pushed through a small clump of people rushing about and froze in place.

"Tubbo?" he whispered.

He stood there, mouth agape as he took in the sight of his friend's mangled body leaning heavily against the wall of a yellow box, half of his body exploded in a burst of blood that coated the inside of his cage. Tubbo's clothes were torn, his body reeking of gun powder and blood, and he wasn't moving. Tubbo wasn't moving.

"Tommy?!"

The boy stirred as he felt a hand grip his arm. Hard. He flinched away, not knowing where he was for a moment, but quickly his eyes adjusted. Tubbo was wide awake, staring at him with sad, knowing expression on his face, his fingers still digging into the flesh of Tommy's arm. Ranboo was knelt in front of both of them, looking incredibly concerned, Michael peeking out from behind him with a fearful expression on his face. Tubbo released Tommy's arm from his iron grip once he saw that the boy had come to and offered a small nod of understanding. He knew that Tommy was feeling in that moment. It was the same thing Tubbo felt every time he had those stupid flashbacks.

Managing a pitiful smile, Tommy held out his arms and Michael ran into them, cuddling up to his uncle in an attempt to comfort the trembling man. Tubbo crawled away to give the two some room, and he exchanged a glance with Ranboo, who still seemed very much disturbed by whatever had happened. He was completely left in the dark, which frustrated him to no end, but more than that, he was incredibly concerned about both Tommy and Tubbo. The two seemed to know exactly what was going on, and neither was willing to say anything. He wanted to help, but he was completely useless. He just hoped that his friends would look out for each other and that would be enough.

When he glanced at Tubbo again, he realized that the boy was crying. There were silent tears streaming down his face, and he seemed to be entirely lost in thought, eyes vacant and glassy.

In an instant, Ranboo scooped up his friend and went to the one place he knew would help, the balcony. He knelt beside his platonic husband as the shorter boy took in deep gasps of the bitterly cold night air, huddled close to Ranboo to try and preserve what little warmth he had. The enderman gently rubbed his back and tried to sooth him as best as he could, knowing that right now all he could really do for Tubbo was offer support and wait to see what he needed. When Tubbo desperately reached out for a hug, Ranboo didn't hesitate. When he didn't leave the embrace for quite some time, he didn't rush him. When Tubbo ended up falling asleep like that, curled up in the enderman's arms, he didn't wake him. Instead, he carried the brunette to bed and tucked him in, making sure one last time that he was alright before going to check on Tommy.

The boy was also fast asleep, curled up on the living room floor with Michael cuddled in his lap. The zombie pigman was still awake, flipping through his book silently as he glanced at his sleeping uncle every now and then. Michael insisted on following Ranboo as he carried his friend to bed, making sure Tommy was tucked in as well. Glancing at the clock, Ranboo noted in surprise that it was only 2 PM. It had felt like so much more time had passed than that. Biting the inside of his cheek, the enderman tried to figure out what he should do with all the extra time he had left in the day. He could really stand to stop by a couple places and gather supplies, but he didn't really want to leave Michael in the house alone with sleeping traumatized teenagers. Glancing down at his son, Ranboo sighed to himself before kneeling down to reach the pigman's level.

"Hey kid, how would you feel about getting out of this house?" he asked.

Michael's eyes lit up brighter than the torches that lined the walls of their home. "Yes please!"

Heading towards the closet to grab the pigman's winter coat, Ranboo hoped he wouldn't regret this.

Michael giggled from his perch atop Ranboo's shoulders, staring down at the snowy terrain around them. He took in everything with such wide eyed wonder that his father was beginning to feel a bit guilty keeping all this from him. Ranboo knew he and Tubbo were probably a bit too overprotective of Michael, but after all the trauma they had been through in their childhoods, could anyone really blame them for wanting to shelter their son from the dangers of this world? If people were willing to pick fights with teenagers who were already damaged from the affects of growing up in the midst of war, how much more would they be willing to traumatize innocent children who knew nothing of the outside world?

Still, Ranboo tried his best to bite back the guilt as he answered any of Michael's questions about what he saw while keeping focused on their final destination. He knew this was risky, but he was in urgent need of some vital supplies and this was the best place to get it. He only had to hope that no one would be there when he arrived.

Once they reached the waterfront, Ranboo pushed his boat in the water before gently setting Michael inside and hopping in himself. The zombie pigman seemed fascinated by the idea of water travel and kept leaning over the boat to try and get a closer look at the fish and other sea life to be found under the frigid water. The enderman hybrid kept fussing at him, reminding the kid that if he fell in, he wouldn't be able to rescue him without hurting himself in the process, and that seemed to calm Michael down a little, but not much could dampen the child's spirits, and he very quickly resumed his leaning and watching without paying his father much mind. Ranboo honestly didn't mind all that much to begin with. Sure, water hurt him, but it wasn't deadly unless he didn't get dry quick enough, and he had mastered the art of quick drying over the years. He also had his armor, which helped protect him from the water's damaging affects somewhat. It wasn't much, but it was something. He knew that he really had no need to fear, but he still didn't like the idea of Michael falling into the water, especially considering he and Tubbo had neglected teaching him to swim.

They continued to travel for some time, crossing different biomes rather speedily, although not nearly as quickly as they would have if Ranboo had used his trident. He didn't trust Michael to be able to hold on to him while flying through the air, hence the slower travel time, but they still made it to their destination within the hour.

As Ranboo trudged through the snow, Michael once again sat upon his father's shoulders as they moved, he began to wrack his mind for excuses in case he were to catch them. He didn't know exactly how he could explain away the zombie pigman that he had perched atop him, but he needed to think of something quick. They were nearly there, and the chances that today was the one day that he wasn't hibernating, while slim for the ordinary person, were pretty great seeing as Ranboo seemed to radiate main character energy everywhere he went. Reaching up, the enderman gently ruffled Michael's hair, and the kid squealed in delight at the sudden contact.

They finally rounded the corner of the mountain, and Ranboo could see the fence that surrounded the compound in the distance, the dark oak standing out against the pure white snow. Twin houses stood next to each other, each housing the people that Ranboo considered his friends, his family. One of them knew. One of them didn't. Ranboo didn't know what would happen if he did.

Beyond the two houses stood his own humble abode, humble being a relative term, because while this house was much smaller than his Snowchester home, it was still a rather decent sized piece of property, especially compared to building such as Tommy's dirt hut. Moving quickly and quietly, Ranboo managed to sneak by the two houses without getting caught, and began to approach his house just a little distance away. He thought that perhaps this time, luck was on his side after all, and he wouldn't have to explain why he had a baby zombie pigman casually riding piggyback while he walked through the snow. However, it seemed fate had another plan. Just as he had nearly reached his front door, a voice caused the enderman to freeze in place.

"Ranboo?"

Chapter Text

Ranboo whirled around in a panic, arm reached up to support and shield Michael if needed.

"What are you doing out here, mate?"

He let out a sigh of relief when he saw the green and white bucket hat and hulking black wings of Philza Minecraft. Thank god it wasn't Techno.

"H-hey Phil," he managed, trying to catch his breath from the heart attack he'd almost had. "You r-really scared me there."

"Oh, sorry mate. Didn't mean to startle you," Phil replied, scratching the back of his head sheepishly. The bird hybrid glanced up, seeming to take notice of the zombie pigman that was still perched on Ranboo's shoulders. "I see you brought Michael."

"Hi G-Grampza!" the pigman waved cheerfully.

"Hey there you little shit," Phil teased.

"Yeah. Figured I'd let him get out of the house for a bit."

The older man's gaze flickered back to the tall figure and he frowned. "Ranboo, isn't that a bit risky? What if he saw you?"

He sighed. "I know, but I... I can't just keep living in fear of 'what-if' scenarios, Phil. I'd never get anything done, and Michael deserves a proper childhood. I hate having to keep him cooped up inside."

Ranboo distantly registered Michael glancing around and whispering excitedly to himself softly, admiring his house and the rather lovely area that surrounded it. He was glad the pigman wasn't paying attention to their conversation. The last thing he needed to hear was the two of them debating whether or not he should be allowed outside of the house.

"I understand, mate. Still, you need to be careful. I have no idea how Techno would react to all of this. If I were you, I wouldn't be taking unnecessary risks."

"I wish I didn't have to hide this," Ranboo mumbled.

Phil gently patted the enderman on the arm. "I know, mate. I know. Maybe one day you won't have to."

"Do you really think Techno would react badly? Michael's a pigman, just like him. Wouldn't he be happy that I took him in?"

The bird hybrid shook his head. "You hid a lot of shit from him, Ranboo. I don't think he'd necessarily be upset about Michael, but there's a lot more to it than that, and you know that."

He sighed. "I know."

As much as it hurt him to admit, Ranboo was very aware that a lot of the relationships that he had formed were with people Technoblade wasn't necessarily cool with, and he was aware that failure to tell him about it would most definitely be viewed as betrayal in the piglin hybrid's eyes. It was a secret that haunted him whenever he spent time with his friend. However, that didn't mean that Ranboo was willing to give up those he cared about. He had learned the hard way that he needed to stand up for himself more, even if he was still working on that, and he wasn't going to let anyone tell him who he could and could not befriend and love. He had the right to choose his own family, and his family just so happened to be comprised of Tubbo, Tommy, Michael, Phil, and Techno, that was no one else's business but his own. Still, he hated having to hide some of the most important parts of his life from the piglin, and it made him feel horrible to lie. He just wasn't willing to risk himself and his family's safety to alleviate a little bit of guilt.

The enderman hybrid felt a soft tugging on his hair and felt his frustration and disappointment melt. "Hey Michael."

"Pops, can I g-go inside? It's c-cold out."

"Of course, kiddo."

Reaching up, he gently lifted Michael up and off his shoulders before lowering him to the ground. "Feel free to explore. Just stay safe, okay?"

"Yes, Papa."

At that, the pigman rushed off, the door closing behind him softly and leaving the two in silence.

Michael was a lot smarter than people seemed to think he was. He may only be a zombie pigman child, but he was not dense in the slightest. He was very aware that something was going on. Too much had changed in such a little amount of time for this to be anything but out of the ordinary.

First, Uncle Tommy had moved in.

Michael loved Uncle Tommy. He was loud and fun and got them into trouble, and while it exhausted his parents to know end, the pigman was really happy he had a play buddy. He didn't have any friends, what with there being no children nearby, and even if there were, he doubted his dads would have let him leave the house to spend time with them anyway. He didn't know why he had to stay inside, but he knew that they wouldn't have made the rule unless it was important, so Michael trusted them when they said it wasn't safe to go out alone. Now, though, he didn't have to miss leaving, because he had a live-in playmate. His uncle was just the right amount of childish to be fun to spend time with while the right amount of mature to make sure they didn't get into too much trouble. He loved Uncle Tommy and he was so glad he was living with them.

Then everyone seemed really sad all the time.

He didn't know much about his parents or their pasts. They never really said an awful lot, and the few details that he did know seemed to be when they were very young. He knew that his dad and Uncle Tommy had grown up together and had gotten into all sorts of trouble when they were his age, and he heard little bits and details of what his Pops remembered about growing up in the End, but he always got the impression that they were hiding something from him. And now, Michael had to watch his parents and uncle break down almost daily, and it made him really sad. Clearly something had happened to them to make them so upset, but he didn't know what. His Pops seemed to be the least effected by whatever happened, but Michael would still see the sad look in his eyes as he looked at his Dad or Uncle Tommy, as if he, too, wanted to help but didn't know how.

And then his Papa let him leave the house for the first time in months.

That was one of the strangest things that had happened thus far. Michael knew that Dad was sad a lot, and so was Papa. He knew that they had wanted Uncle Tommy to move in with them for a while now. What he didn't understand was why his father had let him leave the house after all this time, and why now specifically. He wondered if it was because Dad and Uncle Tommy were trying to rest at home, but Michael knew deep down that it wasn't that simple. There was something dangerous that everyone seemed determined to protect him from. It wasn't just this Techno person that they kept mentioning. Michael knew that they were a part of it, but he also knew that there was something much bigger out there. Something that he needed to be protected from. He wondered if it had anything to do with why his family was always so sad. He had a feeling it was.

Unfortunately, Michael was just a pigman, and he couldn't do much. His parents never told him anything, and the little bits of information he could gather were more confusing than helpful. So after leaning against the door and trying to listen in on Pops and Grampza's conversation and only getting more lost, Michael decided to instead take the time to explore his father's old house.

The pigman poked and prodded around, trying to see if he could find anything that would give him answers. He dug through chests, felt around and underneath carpets, looked around the walls, but nothing seemed to be out of ordinary that could offer any sort of information. What he did learn about his father was that he had a rather homely place that seemed modest but comfortable, he loved pets, and he used his brewing stand quite frequently. Sighing, Michael finally gave in, knowing that he wasn't going to figure out much from this place. Taking one of the books off of a shelf, he sat down on the carpeted floor and began reading. As he attempted to distract himself from the disappointment, he found himself growing more and more disappointed. He just wanted to know what was going on. He just wanted to help. Was that really such a bad thing? He knew he was a child, but so were they. Surely, if they were involved in anything dangerous, he should be aware. Why were his parents so determined to keep him in the dark?

Glancing over at Phil, Ranboo felt Tommy's words from a week or two ago come back to him, and he tried to see the fatherly figure as his friend did. Imagining Philza as anything but an attentive father was difficult, nigh impossible. How could Phil leave two of his children behind? Biting his lip, the enderman wondered if he should ask him about it, try to get his side of things. He didn't want to seem judgmental or accusatory, so he decided to ease into the topic.

"Phil, you have kids, right?"

The older man's eyes flickered up to him in surprise before he nodded. "Yep. Why do you ask? Need parenting advice, mate?"

"No," Ranboo said quickly before correcting himself. "I mean, I think I've got a pretty good handle on things thus far. I just... you always seemed very fatherly to me. I was curious if there was a reason."

"Ah. Yeah, I get that quite a bit," Philza laughed. "I raised a couple of troublemakers in my day. They're all grown up now, though."

"Was Wilbur one of them?"

Total silence.

Phil didn't move, but Ranboo could see the tension gather in his shoulders. Wilbur must be a touchy subject. I wonder how Phil feels about him.

Sighing, the old man turned to face his companion. "Yeah, Will was one of them."

"Do you miss him?"

He laughed, but there was a bitterness to it. "He was my son. Of course I miss him. Everyday I wonder if I did the right thing in killing him. Maybe... maybe if I had done something different, he'd still be here, laughing and smiling, messing with his brothers and causing mischief."

Ranboo gently placed a hand on Phil's shoulder. "If it makes you feel any better, Phil, I think you did the right thing. From what Tommy said, there was no saving him."

"Tommy? Have you spoken to him recently? It's been a while since I've seen the little gremlin," he asked.

"Yeah. He's actually living with me and Tubbo right now. He moved into Snowchester about a week ago or so."

"That's great mate. How's he doing?"

Chewing the inside of his cheek, the enderman hybrid pondered how to respond. "Uh, he's still adjusting. A new environment and all."

Phil laughed, shaking his head. "No doubt causing all sorts of trouble and mayhem. That little shit could never sit still."

"Actually-"

"That boy is a walking disaster, has been ever since he was young. He was absolutely exhausting to deal with, let me tell ya. Especially when he got Wilbur involved. Talk about a train wreck."

"About that-" Ranboo tried again.

"Those two always were inseparable. Attached at the hip ever since I brought Tommy home. It was like Wilbur had taken one look at that scrawny little kid and claimed him. I always felt bad for Techno. I wonder if he ever felt left out," Phil worried. Ranboo wondered how a man could be so dense.

"Phil-"

"Well, I wish you luck with that mess. If he's ever too much trouble, just let me know. I can craft a belt at a moment's notice. I'm gonna head back to the house and check on Techno. He's been sleeping for a few weeks now. You never know when he'll wake up, and he's always hungry."

"O-okay, well... see you later, then," Ranboo trailed off.

He watched as Phil headed off in the direction of the house, his footsteps barely making a sound even through the foot-deep snow. Glancing after the bird hybrid, Ranboo thought he was beginning to see what Tommy had been talking about, even just slightly. There was a certain tone to Phil's voice whenever he talked about Tommy, and even Wilbur to some degree. An air of dismissal, as if he asked about them as a courtesy rather than out of actual care. Clearly, Wilbur's death had made Phil care a bit more about him, but clearly not enough if he still treated his fully alive son, a minor no less, with such carelessness. Ranboo wasn't an angry person, but a small part of him seethed at the flippant tone Phil had used to address Tommy. It was as if the boy didn't even exist to the old man, and given all that Tommy had gone through, Ranboo thought that to be extremely irresponsible and careless. If Tommy had been his son, Ranboo wouldn't have let half the shit he had been through happen, that was for sure.

Taking a deep breath, the enderman managed to calm any negative thoughts, instead directing his attention to his son, who he had left alone for long enough. Phil may have been a neglectful parent, but Ranboo wasn't about to make the same mistake. Opening the door, he stepped inside and went off in search of the little pigman, promising himself that he would do better, not only for Michael, but for Tommy and Tubbo, too. He couldn't necessarily be a stable father figure for them. They were literally the same age, and Ranboo didn't think that would work out all that well. But, he could, in the very least, be a supportive friend for them and offer them his help when they needed it.

Chapter Text

Hands roughly gripped his face, digging their nails into his flesh.

The smell of cheap booze and cigarettes wafted in his face as another got way too close for comfort.

A wall pressed firmly against his back, preventing him from even trying to escape.

Screaming in his ears, making his head ache and the room spin.

A second figure, this one stepping in front of him, protecting him.

A blue beanie and a pair of small yellow wings.

More yelling and fighting.

The shattering of a beer bottle.

A cry of pain.

Shrinking against the wall to try to escape all the noise.

A blur of motion as two figures grapple each other, trying to get the upper hand.

One small figure crumpled on the ground.

Yellow wings stained red.

Red spilling on the wood-slabbed floor.

Red splattered across the whitewashed walls.

Red soaking through the freshly pressed suit.

Red staining the blue beanie.

Screams for help.

Kneeling on the floor, knees growing cold and wet .

Crying, shaking, begging through tears.

"Wake up, Big Q. Wake up."

"Wake up, Tubbo. Wake up."

In an instant, the former president shot awake, gasping for air and soaked with sweat. For a moment, Tubbo could only lay there in silence, dissociating as he tried and failed to pull himself back to reality. After a moment, he sat upright, doing his best to calm his racing heart as he attempted to erase the memories from his mind. He could feel his fingers trembling as he gripped the bed sheets with white knuckles. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Tommy sat on the edge of his bed, watching him quietly as he tried to gather himself, but he couldn't be bothered to pay his friend any mind. Instead, Tubbo tried to focus on blocking out the vivid, gorey images that kept flashing in his head, still burned into his brain a year and a half after the fact. Glancing over at Tommy, Tubbo couldn't help but frown. He hadn't said a word, which was not very Tommy-like, and Tubbo wondered what he was waiting for. The blonde had never been one to hold his tongue, even when circumstances made it helpful for him to do so. Once Tubbo had finally managed to calm down enough to breathe properly, his friend finally spoke.

"Do you wanna talk about it?"

His eyes flickering up to meet Tommy's, Tubbo raised an eyebrow. "The fuck?"

"Your nightmare. Care to share with the class?"

Frowning, the former president tried to figure out where all this was coming from. He and Tommy didn't 'talk about it'. It wasn't something they did. The two of them had far too much trauma that it would be detrimental to try and dump it on each other, and where on Earth would they even begin? Besides, he was fine.

"No. Why... what... I don't..." he trailed off.

"Tubs, you're gonna need to actually formulate some complete sentences. Or at least a complete thought or two. Otherwise I can't help you," Tommy teased him lightly.

"I just... why are you here?" he asked, feeling all the more confused and overwhelmed by it all. Everything was too much too soon and he found himself longing for his platonic husband.

Tommy had the gall to look hurt. "That was fucking rude. You're the one who twisted my arm into coming here, you ass."

"I meant in my room, dumbass. Where's Ranboo?"

"I dunno. Still out, I guess. He and Michael are both gone."

"They're both what?!"

At that, Tubbo shot out of bed in an instant. Tripping slightly on the sheets that had managed to tangle themselves around his legs, he stumbled around the room in a panic-filled haze, quickly grabbing a coat and stuffing his feet into some boots he had lying around the floor after a moment of searching for them. He fought to get his phone out of his pocket as he raced out of the room and down the hall, Tommy rushing after him. He distantly registered his friend saying something, but it didn't manage to break through the fog that filled Tubbo's head at the thought that Ranboo is gone. Michael is gone. They're both gone. They're gone and I don't know where they are. They're gone and I don't know if they're okay. They're gone and I don't know if they are coming back.

A sudden firm hand gripping his arm stopped Tubbo in his tracks and he turned to face his friend.

"What the fuck? What's wrong? Why are you freaking out big man?" Tommy asked, seeming exasperated.

"Michael never leaves the house!" he cried. "What if something bad happened? What if they were kidnapped, or they got lost, or they got hurt? What if they're in danger? What if-"

"Tubbo!" Tommy tightened his grip on his shoulders and forced him to stop and ground himself before he went flying off the rails. "Calm. The fuck. Down. Take a deep breath or some shit. I don't know. Just think for a second."

He took in a breath.

"Good. Now, before you go batshit crazy, how's about you check you phone and see if boob boy left you any messages?"

Opening up his phone, Tubbo checked to find that his husband had in fact left him a message only a few minutes ago letting him know that they were on their way home. He felt just the slightest bit stupid at his earlier response to hearing the two were gone, but he couldn't deny the overwhelming relief that flooded his system the second he knew that his family was okay. Tubbo didn't know what he would do if anything happened to them.

Upon seeing his friend immediately calm down, Tommy rolled his eyes. "My god, you are a wreck."

"Fuck off. You get a kid and tell me you wouldn't be freaking out if you woke up to find them gone."

He snorted at that. "As if. I would be quiet and composed as always."

Now it was Tubbo's turn to laugh. "If there are two things you have never once been in your life, it's quiet and composed."

"Says you, bitch."

"Yeah, says me. You know, the one who's spent just about their entire life with you."

"Oh yeah, because you spend so much fucking time with me," Tommy laughed, but there was a slight bitterness to his tone.

Tubbo paused at that, feeling confused. He had gotten so caught up in the friendly banter that this comment had caught him completely off guard. "What.. what do you mean by that, Tommy?"

"Please. Everyone knows you've replaced me with Ranboo," Tommy joked, although the lightheartedness was gone from his voice. "He's clearly a good friend, and he's probably better than me in every possible way. You don't need me anymore, if you ever did. All I've ever done is make your life worse."

"Now hold on a secon-"

"Honestly, I don't know why you keep me around. It's not like I'm good for anything. All I do is cause everyone trouble. They must all be so sick of me," he continued, his tone becoming sharper and more erratic, almost panicked. This was beginning to sound less like a joke and more like a cry for help by the second.

"Tommy-" Tubbo began.

"God, I'm so fucking useless. What the hell is wrong with me? What am I doing here? I'm just intruding on your life. I keep fucking everything up. You don't need me here. I'm just making everything worse. I should go."

Tommy began to step back, his hands tangled in his hair as he began to spiral. Tubbo tried to calm him down verbally, but the blonde didn't seem to hear him. Running out of options, Tubbo grabbed Tommy by the shoulders and shook him roughly, hoping to break his friend from the trance he appeared to be trapped in. The taller boy flinched away, immediately putting his arms up to shield himself, as if fending off an attack. Tubbo felt a stab of guilt, remembering Tommy's recent brush with death and all the trauma that it entailed, but he knew he had to get through to him somehow. He couldn't stand to see his friend break down like that. "Just shut up and listen to me, you dick!" he cried.

Tommy went silent, his eyes wide and breath shaking slightly. He seemed even more on edge than before, shrinking in on himself and scratching at his arms nervously, but at least he was listening. Still, Tubbo felt a bit sick. He hated having to yell, especially at Tommy.

"There is nothing wrong with you, big man," he began calmly, trying to infuse as much reassurance and positive energy into his voice as he could. "You're perfect just the way you are, and I'm happy you're here. I care about you, Tommy. We all do. We want to help you, but we can't do that unless you let us. You have to let us help you. Can you do that?"

He nodded.

"Good. You're doing such a good job, Tommy. The first thing you I want you to do is breathe, okay? Can you do that for me?"

He nodded again, taking in a few breaths.

"That's great! Now, I want you to look through all the negative thoughts that pass through your mind and I want you to ask yourself whether you actually think it's true, or if that's just want someone told you because that's what they want you to think. Do you think you can handle that?"

Tommy nodded again.

Tubbo let the silence exist between them for a moment, giving his friend time to think. After a few minutes, he spoke again.

"You're doing great, Tommy. I'm very proud of you. Now, do you want a hug?"

Instead of a response, Tubbo found himself with an armful of Tommy where there had once been nothing. A watery smile teased at his lips as he pulled the lanky teen closer to his chest, feelings Tommy rest his chin on his head as he clung on tight. Holding his friend close, Tubbo found that as much as he was steadying Tommy, Tommy was steadying him. He could feel himself shaking almost as badly as the blonde was. He supposed that he hadn't recovered from his nightmare as well as he'd thought. Chewing the inside of his lip, Tubbo felt himself considering, just for a moment. This is stupid. I shouldn't do this. I can't do this. But... if I had to tell anyone... if I had to trust and open up to someone... Burying his face in the crook of his friend's neck, the former president decided that right then, for just one moment, he'd let his walls come down.

"It was a flashback," he whispered softly.

"Hmm?" Tommy hummed lazily.

"My nightmare. It was a flashback."

That caught Tommy's attention almost immediately, and Tubbo felt him stir himself back into awareness. "Yeah?"

"Yeah..." Tubbo shivered slightly and the blonde gave him a gentle squeeze of encouragement. "I remembered this time back when I was Schlatt's VP. He had gotten really drunk and started lashing out. He tried to hurt me, so Quackity stepped in to protect me." He nestled himself further into the embrace. "Big Q ended up getting really hurt in the fight. I thought he might lose one of his lives."

Tommy let out a small hiss at that. Losing a life was no joke. He knew that better than anyone else.

"He survived, if only barely, but Schlatt damaged his wings beyond repair. When he was attacking Big Q, I just stood there. I should have done something. If I had done something, maybe he would still be able to fly. But I froze up. I panicked. And now he'll never fly again."

He felt his friend give his shoulder a squeeze. "Hey, if I can't blame myself for the messed up shit that happened, then neither can you. It wasn't your fault, Tubs."

"But if I-"

"No buts," Tommy said firmly. "You can't blame yourself for something you didn't do. You weren't the one to destroy his wings. Schlatt was. I don't blame you for what happened and I'm sure Quackity doesn't either. If it's bothering you this much, though, you should really talk to him about it. Maybe he can calm your fears better than I can."

"I dunno, Tommy..."

"Tubs, the best way to overcome a fear is to face it."

"And you've faced so many of your own fears that you're the expert now, huh?"

"Yes," Tommy said matter-of-factly, and Tubbo felt any of the sarcasm he had leave him. "I've had to face a lot of my fears lately. It's been hard, and I hated every second of it, but... I think it helped me. At least a little. Moving here with you... that was a big step for me. I had to leave behind Wilb- I had to leave behind my home, the only home I'd ever really known. I'm scared, Tubbo. I'm scared all the time. But I know that as long as I have you here with me, everything will be okay."

"I... I don't know. I don't think I can do this," he stammered.

"Of course you can, big man."

"T-Tommy-"

"Tubs," the blonde said firmly. "You're gonna be okay. Everything's gonna be fine."

Tubbo's grip tightened on his friend. "I don't... I don't wanna go alone. Will you... come with me?"

Letting go, Tommy smacked his companion upside the head. Tubbo let out a small cry of surprise and pain. "Hey!"

"Of course I'll come with you, dumbass. What are friends for?"

"Abuse and psychological torture, apparently," Tubbo remarked, rubbing at his head with a slight scowl.

"Oh shut up. I'm helping you."

"I know. Still torture though."

They exchanged glares, although neither held any heat behind them. It reminded Tubbo of when they were younger, before all the wars, when they would start mini conflicts between each other just for the hell of it. Back when they were bored little kids looking for amusement. It was funny how much had changed since then, but even more so how much hadn't.

"Bitch."

"Dick."

"Bastard."

"Wanker."

"Arsehole."

"You- oh fuck. I've got nothing."

Tommy threw an arm around Tubbo's shoulders, a slight smirk gracing his face. He would have looked exactly like he did a couple years ago whenever he won an argument, if not for the scars and bruises that littered his pale skin. Shaking Tubbo lightly, Tommy began to head towards the Nether portal, dragging his friend along, albeit partially against his will. "Now that that's settled, what do you say we pay someone a visit real quick?"

"Do I have a choice in the matter?" Tubbo asked, already knowing the answer.

"Definitely not."

He sighed, scrubbing his face. Tubbo really didn't want to do this, but he knew if he didn't do it now, he wouldn't have the strength to convince himself to try again later. It was now or never. "Then let's do this thing, I guess."

"Good, because I gotta get me some of that happy powder while we're there, if you know what I mean."

Tubbo elbowed Tommy in the stomach. "Shut up, you dick."

"Fuck you bitch," the other muttered as he rubbed his aching torso.

Nudging Tommy again and ignoring the growl that he got for it, Tubbo continued forward, trying to maintain some sense of optimism. "Well, come on boss man. You said it yourself: I don't have a choice. Might as well get this over with as soon as possible."

"Yeah, yeah. Let's go," Tommy grumbled as the two crossed through the Nether portal, hand in hand.

Chapter Text

Quackity, it turns out, was not an easy guy to find. They wandered all over the SMP, asked everyone where the man was, but no one seemed to have a clue. The longer they went without finding him, the more and more uneasy Tubbo became and the more his resolve began to weaken. He was really beginning to regret agreeing to this stupid plan. Sure, talking to Big Q about what happened was probably a good idea, but rushing into it without having any clue where the man was and what he was doing? That had been absolutely idiotic. He hadn't even let Ranboo know where they were going. The teen was bound to be so worried...

Tommy yanked on his arm, propelling them both forward. He had been searching all over the Greater SMP for the past fifteen minutes, pulling them all over the area repeatedly while calling Big Q's name. His smaller friend let out a slight cry, wincing as his shoulder felt like it was being pulled out of its socket and yanking his arm out of his grip. Tommy had never really been one for being gentle.

Glancing back, the blonde smiled sheepishly. "Sorry, Tubso. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"It's fine," he grumbled. "Can we go home? It's pretty clear Big Q isn't here."

"We can't give up yet! Someone must know where he went. We just have to keep asking around."

Tubbo sighed. "Well, I'm gonna let Ranboo know where we are so he doesn't start to worry. You keep running around like a chicken with its head cut off."

"Well maybe I will," Tommy made a face before jogging away.

Taking out his phone, the former president quickly shot a text to his platonic beloved before stuffing it back in his pocket. He was already over this whole trip, but when Tommy was determined to do something, there was nothing that could possibly get in his way, and he didn't really have the energy to argue with him. Besides, he really did want to talk to Quackity. There was a lot that the two could discuss, especially with everything they had both gone through. They had a lot of shared experiences, Tubbo and Big Q. It would probably do them both some good to clear the air. He just wished it didn't involve running around everywhere trying to find the man.

"Tubbo!"

Hearing his friend's shout, the brunette sighed again before running towards his voice. As he approached, he heard a sound that he didn't realize he missed until now.

"Yoooo, Tomás! Where have you been man?"

"Big Q!"

"It's been so long. What have you been up to?"

"Being the biggest man in the world of course!" Tommy proclaimed, and Tubbo could practically imagine how his chest would swell with pride and he'd throw back his head just like the good old days. Smiling lightly, the boy took solace in knowing that some things never changed.

"Of course," Quackity replied, sounding amused.

As he rounded the corner, Tubbo finally caught sight of Quackity for the first time in months. His back was facing him, but Tubbo could recognize that shaggy black hair peeking out from under a blue beanie any day. "Big Q?" he greeted.

The man turned, a bright smile coloring features as he caught sight of the former president. "Tubbo! Hey man, long time no see."

"Oh Big Q, are you a sight for sore eyes," he replied, grinning as he felt all of his previous anxieties melting away.

"Same here man. It's been forever. You look good," Quackity replied.

"You do too. I like the new outfit, boss man."

The elder man glanced down at his outfit, the slacks, white button down, and suspenders a far cry from his usual hoodie and sweats, and laughed. "Yeah, figured I'd change things up a bit. I heard you two were looking for me. What's up?"

Tommy interrupted quickly, grinning sheepishly. "Actually, Tubbo really needs to talk to you. It's really important, so I'll leave you two be for now. I'll be waiting near my old hut, yeah?" he made eye contact with the brunette, who nodded. "Alright, I'll see you guys later."

"Oh, well... bye Tommy," Quackity waved as the blonde ran off to XD knows where. Turning back to Tubbo, he raised an eyebrow. "So, what's up man?"

"I, uh..." the former president found himself lost for words. "Is... is it okay if we walk and talk? It's kinda serious and I'll feel better if I'm moving."

"Sure."

And that was how Tubbo found himself leading the way down what remained of the Prime Path, trying to find the words to say. Quackity, for his credit, was incredibly patient with him, willing to walk in silence as Tubbo gathered his thoughts. Taking a deep breath of the warm air that reminded him so much of springtime, the young boy finally managed to get a word out.

"Big Q, I... I wanted to thank you."

"Thank me?"

"For everything you've done for me over the years. You've really helped me in a lot of moments, and I owe a lot to you for that."

"What are you talking about man? I haven't done that much. And a lot of times my advice was kinda shit. I mean, I was kind of the reason L'Manburg got blown up again. If we hadn't tried to execute Technoblade, you might have had a long, peaceful term."

"Your ideas may not have always been the best, but you always spoke your mind and told me exactly what you thought I should do. I can't say the same about a lot of my other cabinet members. Most of them were yes men and push overs. You at least did your job and advised me on what you thought was best for the nation. But I'm not talking about that, Q."

"Oh? Are you referring to something in particular?"

"I'm talking about a time before I was president. More specifically, I was referring to... S-Schlatt."

Quackity froze, and Tubbo stopped in his tracks as well. Turning, he faced the bird hybrid, who had an unreadable expression on his face.

"Schlatt did a lot of shitty things... to both of us. I know we both have a lot of unresolved trauma attached to him, so if you want me to stop talking, just let me know." Tubbo paused, but his companion didn't say a word of protest, so he anxiously continued. "He hurt both of us in the things he said and did... but you stood up for me and protected me. You took a lot of punishment for me when you didn't have to. I just want you to know that I really appreciate all that you did... but you got really hurt when you shouldn't have... and I just sort of feel like it was my fault for not doing something or saying something... and I guess I just... I wanted to know if you... regretted helping me?"

"Tubbo..."

Tubbo felt his palms begin to sweat in earnest and ducked his head.

"I just... there was this one time, I know you remember it, when he was lashing out at me and you stepped in. He started attacking you, and I just... I just stood there. I was so scared and shocked and I... I didn't help you. And I'm sorry that I didn't act... I just... I didn't know what to do, and I thought that if I did something, I might make things worse, and I know it's not a valid excuse, but I just-"

"Tubbo."

"I'm sorry, Big Q. I should have done something. You didn't deserve what happened, and now you'll never be able to fly again, all because I didn't act, and-"

"Tubbo!"

His eyes shot up to meet the other's and he couldn't help but flinch at the furious look in Quackity's eyes. Looking away, he braced himself to be hit and berated, wishing desperately that he knew when to shut his stupid mouth, when he was suddenly pulled into a warm embrace. Big Q held him close to his chest, his chin resting on his shoulder, and Tubbo allowing himself to slowly, hesitantly return the hug. After a moment, Quackity let go, and Tubbo pulled back.

"B-big Q?"

"Tubbo, I want you to listen and listen good, because I'm only going to say this about a hundred times until you get it through your thick skull. What happened to me was not your fault. I don't blame you for what happened. I don't hate you for what happened. I'm not angry at you for not doing anything. You were just a scared kid who had no clue what to do, and no one could ever be angry at you for that. You did everything you could given the circumstances and if not for you performing emergency first aid on me after Schlatt was done, I likely would have lost one of my lives. You have nothing to be sorry for. I protected you and took that punishment for you because I care about you. You didn't deserve what he was going to do to you, and I couldn't bear to let him hurt you like that. I stepped in to keep you safe, and I would do it all again in a heartbeat. So stop with all this self hating, self destructive bullshit, okay? You have nothing to be sorry for."

"A-are you sure? I mean, you-"

"Tubbo," Quackity said firmly. "I meant every single word I said. I wouldn't lie to you about this stuff, okay? If I even slightly blamed you for what happened, I would have told you. I don't hold you responsible for Schlatt's bullshit. That wouldn't be fair. You couldn't control the abusive shit he did. He hurt you just as much as he hurt me. I'm just glad I could shield you from as much of it as I did, and I wish I could have done more to protect you. You didn't even ask to be pulled into that shit. You didn't deserve a thing he did to you."

"N-neither do you, Q. You didn't deserve any of the shit he did to you either."

The duck hybrid let out a choked laugh. "Thanks, hombre. I guess if I could thank Schlatt for anything, it would be for helping me find a friend as great as you."

Tubbo grinned. "Thanks, Q. That... that means a lot. I'm really glad I met you too."

At that, they continued walking, this time heading back towards Tommy's dirt shack. Once they reached the old house, Tubbo paused and turned back towards Quackity.

"I'm afraid I really have to get going soon. Tommy and I have to go home. If... if you ever need to find us, we live in Snowchester. It's a little town that I built with a few of my friends. It's a couple miles in that direction, if you ever want to visit," Tubbo offered, pointing in the direction of his home.

Quackity smiled. "I appreciate it. I'm building a country myself, far away from here. It's going to be the talk of the town when it's finished. You're welcome to come by sometime. I think I have... here!" Digging in his pocket, Big Q pulled a compass out and handed it to Tubbo. "To help you find your way," he said with a wink.

Tubbo laughed lightly. "Thanks, Q. I'll see you around."

"See you around, Mr. President."

The teen watched as the duck hybrid walked away, likely headed off to his new country. Feeling a sense of relief and contentment wash over him, Tubbo sighed and leaned against the decrepit shelter that his friend once called his own. Closing his eyes, the young teen reveled in the silence he so rarely got to enjoy, letting his head rest against the dirt wall behind him. There were no sounds of the usual hustle and bustle that usually accompanied a trip to the SMP, no voices speaking from afar that could disturb this peace, and there was even a lack of noise from the usual shenanigans Tommy got himself into. Tubbo frowned slightly at that, opening an eye. Come to think of it, where was Tommy? He said to meet him at his hut, but there was no sign of him.

Pushing himself back up, Tubbo approached the door to the old house and knocked lightly, feeling an overwhelming sense of dread pooling in the pit of his stomach. It was far too quiet.

When no one responded to his knocks, he opened the door and stepped inside, quickly pacing each room in search of his friend. There was very little in the house left, most of it having been moved to their new home in Snowchester, and each empty room made him feel more and more uneasy. Tommy had promised to meet him here. As chaotic of a little shit as the teen was, he knew not to go back on his word like that, especially after everything they had gone through. Thoughts and worries of what could have happened ran through Tubbo's mind as he quickly pulled out his phone and dialed Tommy's number. Pacing anxiously back and forth, he waited for his friend to pick up, to hear the loud and unapologetic voice that he knew so well come through the phone speaker and demand to know what he wanted, but no one answered. Humming worriedly, he redialed the number, feeling his hands begin to tremble when he was once again left without an answer.

Stepping out of the house, Tubbo glanced to the bench that stood nearby, completely vacant and covered in a light layer of dust and gunpowder. If Tommy wasn't at his old house, there was only one other place where he might be. A place Tubbo had been sure he was content to leave behind, but now he wasn't so certain. Putting his phone away, he raced off to L'Manburg, where he could only hope Tommy would be there waiting for him. He had to find his friend and make sure that nothing had happened. Otherwise, he didn't know what he would do.