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It was no surprise to anyone that Martin was the biggest one in the group. Even though he tended to slouch and make himself as not intimidatingly big as possible, he was more than a head taller than Jon and still even had a few inches on Sasha when she wore heels. And he was never really the skinniest person around either. ‘Soft Baba’ is what Jon would unknowingly call Martin when he was regressed, but aside from that the others would never comment on his weight. Unlike the countless number of rather… distasteful things people in the past have said to Martin, both behind his back and right to his face disguised as backhanded compliments. But again, he was now surrounded by people who loved and cared about him regardless of how big he was.
Though, that still didn’t mean he didn’t get self conscious about himself from time to time. Especially when regressing was on the table.
As Martin sat on the couch, teetering between headspaces and watching Tim effortlessly pick Jon up and sit him on his hip, he couldn’t help but feel… envious over the simple action. Jon being so short and lanky must make regressing easier on occasion for him. But it wasn’t as if Martin had a hard time regressing most of the time, it's just… maybe he wanted to be picked up sometimes. To be swept off his feet and not have to worry about walking from one place to another. To be able to wrap his arms around one of his caretakers and press his ear against their chest and listen to the soothing sound of their heartbeat while their gentle movements lulled him into a light doze. Was that too much to ask for?
“Hey big guy, I think Jon’s ready for a nap so we can choose what to watch. What’re you in the mood for?” Tim said, steadily bouncing a sleepy Jon on his hip.
Big. Martin frowned and played with the hem of his t-shirt at the word, anxious over how its meaning could refer to his headspace and his size. He knew that Tim probably didn’t mean it like that, but double meanings and words in general always got jumbled up in his head whenever he was close to regressing.
Immediately sensing something was up, Tim carefully sat himself down and placed a gentle hand on Martin’s shoulder, “Hey bud, you doing okay?” His thumb carefully moved across the soft material of Martin’s shirt and he unconsciously moved into the touch. “Do you, ya know, need to regress right now, love?”
Martin bit his lip and wordlessly nodded his head, prompting Tim to go into full on Papa Bear mode and bring his free arm around Martin’s shoulders. Instantly, Martin sighed and felt the world around him grow softer and quieter as he felt the gentle tug of headspace wrap around him in a pleasant embrace.
He felt Tim’s shoulders bounce with silent laughter next to him, “So, do you think you want to join Jon for a nap?”
A nap sounded nice… but not now. Right now, Martin just really wanted to be held. So he simply shook his head and tried not to stare at how comfortable Jon looked, all tucked up against Tim’s side as he fought against the pull of sleep.
Obviously not convinced by Martin’s timid answer, Tim merely sighed and stood back up with Jon still clinging tightly to his side, “Alrighty then. Well, let me put Jon down for a nap then we can have some Papa and Marto time. Sound good?”
Martin, now with one of his thumbs secured in his mouth, nodded slowly in response.
“Good! And I’ll be sure to bring Winnie and a pacifier for you, cub.”
With that, Tim turned on his heel and strode out of the living room toward Jon and Martin’s shared room. They’ll probably have to do something about making better sleeping arrangements at some point. But for now, Martin was sporting a small smile from behind his fisted hand at the cute nickname his Papa gave him.
Cub! That was the name of a baby bear! And baby bears are small and adorable! And they can get carried around by their papa bears and their mama bears too… But cub was only a nickname. Even in his regressed headspace Martin could tell that his Papa and Mama would have a hard time carrying him. He could ask, but he doesn’t wanna be disappointed when they confirm that neither of them could even lift him up.
“Hey bud, you’re looking a bit down.” Martin startled and gave a tiny yelp as he looked up to see his Papa standing over him. “Oops, sorry, cub. Didn’t mean to scare you there. But like I said, you look a bit glum. Anything I can do to help?”
Martin sucked harder on his thumb, thinking about how to respond. On one hand, Papa’s asking how he could help and he always tells Martin and Jon to tell him and Mama how they feel. But on the other hand, he doesn’t wanna ask for something that Papa might not be able to help with. The conflicting choices brought a small whine out of Martin’s mouth and he squirmed on the couch.
“Hey, hey, hey, it’s okay, you’re okay cub,” Martin heard his Papa whisper quietly, “You don’t have to use your words if you can’t. It’s alright, just calm down a bit then we can work things out.”
Looking back up, Papa looked so… tall. And that made Martin feel so small in comparison and maybe… just maybe…
With a sudden surge of confidence, Martin popped his thumb out of his mouth and held his arms up to his Papa, clenching and unclenching his fingers in a grabby motion, “Up!”
Tim stood still for a second, blinking owlishly as he comprehended what was happening in front of him. Eventually, he gave his head a little shake and cautiously raised an eyebrow. “Martin do you- you want me to carry you?”
Martin’s confidence suddenly drained and he pulled his arms back, whimpering quietly as tears pricked the corners of his eyes. “U-up…?”
“Oh no, no, no! Please don’t cry, cub.” Tim held up his hands placatingly and quickly shook his head. “Don’t cry, I’m sorry I was just… checking to see if you really wanted me to pick you up or if you meant-”
Tim was suddenly interrupted by the sound of keys jingling in the lock of the front door and he and Martin turned to see Sasha coming in, arms ladened with grocery bags. Sensing two pairs of eyes on her, she skillfully closed the door behind her and made her way to the kitchen. “Oh don’t worry about me, boys, I can handle all of these bags by myself,” she called out sarcastically.
“Um, Sash?” Tim timidly called out. “Can you help me out here really quick?”
“Hold on! I’m kinda busy putting away all the food!” The sounds of cabinets opening and closing along with the rustling of paper bags filtered out from the kitchen, “You know I had to go to three different stores to find the protein powder you really like? I love you and everything, Tim, but I swear it was such a hassle. Next time you’re in charge of groceries because right now I am exhauste-”
“M-mama?”
The clattering inside the kitchen stopped and Sasha nearly tripped over her own feet as she bounded out into the living room. “Hey, love,” she said to Martin, clearly out of breath, “I’m sorry, I didn’t know you were regressed. What’s up?”
“Um, Martin wants to be picked up.” Tim informed her, his eyes shifting from Sasha to Martin and back.
“O-kay. And?” Sasha rounded the couch and smiled down at Martin before leaning down, hooking her hands under his armpits, and carefully lifted him up with a quiet grunt before plopping him down on her hip. “What’s wrong with Martin wanting to be picked up?”
A stunned silence fell over the living room as Martin and Tim processed what just happened. But soon, Sasha began to bounce Martin on her hip and he erupted in a fit of happy giggles, clinging tight onto her shoulders and pressing his face into her hair.
“I- I…” Tim’s mouth hung open as he took in the sight before him.
“Tim, I feel like you’re making this a bigger deal than it needed to be. You know he’s not actually that difficult to carry. Have you even tried before. Actually, you know what? Here.” Carefully, Sasha walked over to Tim and shifted Martin into his arms. And soon enough Martin is wrapped around his Papa like a little koala bear.
“Oh wow, you’re right.” Tim beamed as he began to bounce Martin up and down, bringing out another round of giggles. “Why haven’t we carried Martin before?”
“Because being carried is more Jon’s department,” Sasha laughed. “But it looks like our baby boy here likes being carried just as much! Isn’t that right, sweetheart?”
“Up! Up! Up!” Martin’s high pitched voice and wide smile warmed the hearts of his caretakers who were more than happy that they were able to provide something that made their baby happy.
And later, when Martin is big again and tries to apologize for making Tim and Sasha pick him up, they disagree saying that they’d do anything for him. Regardless of size or headspace.
“Besides,” Tim replied, “It’s pretty good motivation for the gym.”
“Ha!” Sasha laughed, rolling up her sleeve and flexing her arm, impressing Tim and Martin once again, “Speak for yourself, Stoker.”