Chapter Text
“Jainan,” Kiem called from his place on the couch. “They’re at it again.”
“Bel sent over another click-bait article?” Jainan asked without looking up from composing his statement on the regolith mining operations necessity in defending both Thea and the Empire at large. He had long since mastered the art of multitasking. If he paused from his work every time Kiem spoke, he’d never get anything done. Besides, Jainan knew how he would find Kiem anyway, one leg under him and the other arched in an impossible position because his partner just wasn’t wired to sit like a normal person. “Why do you read those? Don’t you get enough out of the ‘legitimate’ newslogs?”
The ‘legitimate’ newslogs to which he was referring, like The Consult and the Thean equivalent, The Lede, ran frequent stories about the two of them, usually debates over whether or not their fairy tale romance was really that or a carefully orchestrated play by the palace to maintain control now that link trade was divided equally among the Empire. Anti-royalist stoked whatever flames they could, and Jainan was so private that some people still believed he was being abused. His interview with Hani largely set the record straight, but those newlogs irritated him.
The idea that kindhearted Kiem resembled Taam in any way but familial DNA was the absolute limit. Jainan loved his new partner. He wouldn’t suffer a foul word about him.
Kiem was the kind of guy who would buy out half a candy store if he saw Jainan looking in the window or would bring home sticks he found lying in a public park that he thought could be carved into quarterstaves.
Jainan didn’t give a flying fuck what the media had to say. As far as he was concerned, he’d married the finest ass on Iskat.
“It isn’t like that!” said Kiem, waving his hand so hard he almost switched off his wristband and fell on the floor. “Well, I mean it kind of is, but this fringe newslog stuff actually makes us look good. Especially you. You should see your hair in these vids. But anyway, what I mean is, this one is okay. It’s fun. Look.”
He swiped the story full vision.
Jainan squinted. “Seven Times Count Jainan and Prince Kiem Were Relationship Goals?”
“We are relationship goals!”
“Well, I know that,” scoffed Jainan. “But since when does the press?”
“That’s not the half of it. Check this.” Kiem enlarged the name of the publisher. “It’s Thean!”
Kiem was absolutely giddy. It was so odd to Jainan, even now, having a partner who not only allowed him to observe his culture but was genuinely interested. Some might even say downright nerdy about it. The Iskat press had even labeled Kiem a turncoat to the point Kiem had to downplay his excitement at Thean events.
“But I’m a diplomat to Thea!” he’d complained at the Emperor, all thoughts of decorum flying straight out his mental window. “And now you’re telling me to cool it? That’s ridiculous!”
Thankfully, Jainan had been able to smooth that over before it turned to a row.
He smiled.
“Alright, love,” Jainan began, snapping back to the present.“What evidence do the totally unbiased members of the Thean press cite as making us the gold standard of married couples, hmm?”
“Oh, you’re gonna get a kick out of this. It’s totally a stroll down memory lane. Like— Just come here! Sit down, sit down. Snuggle with me.”
Kiem scooted over and patted the space beside him on the couch.
Jainan tapped send on his statement and settled, holding Kiem from behind and resting his chin on his bare shoulder. Kiem kept their apartments warm for Jainan, and so while the cold-natured off-worlder was wearing baggy harem pants and a loose-fitting tunic, Kiem insisted that the temperature was as hot as a star going into a supernova and wore exclusively shorts.
Only shorts.
Nothing else.
It was distracting. It wasn’t fair. Just beautiful leagues of smooth, dark skin, and Jainan wanted to do nothing more than run his hands all over, to say to hell with click-bait articles and regolith mining and everything that wasn’t the two of them necking on the couch, but Kiem was talking again, and he supposed he better listen.
“Okay, so remember that one tinsy little time at the Emperor’s last birthday where we kinda—”
“ You kinda.”
“— I kinda had a bit too much to drink?”
Kiem glowed like red-hot metal. He even felt warmer under Jainan’s hands.
Kiem was always a bit sensitive about all the drinking he’d done in his youth leading up to his exile. He must’ve really liked the story to even mention it.
“Yes, I remember,” Jainan said. “What’s the article got to say about it?”
The article in question read like a snippet of a gossip column, but the screenshots above of he and Kiem’s social media pages were what really captured Jainan’s attention.
If you experienced a case of deja vu reading about the late-night exploits of HRH Prince Kiem of Iskat a year ago, you’re not alone. It is no secret throughout the Empire that Prince Royal Kiem Tegnar, grandson of Her Imperial Majesty the Emperor, nursed the bottle (and entertained a slew of frequent and varied lovers) six years ago before being exiled to a monastery as a result of his drunken activities.
While what the press has dubbed “The New Prince K” seems to have turned over a new leaf since the incident, as he is never seen publicly drinking and dropped varied lovers for varied charities, it seemed that streak came to a halt the night of Her Majesty’s 60th Birthday.
Since his marriage to Thea’s Count Jainan, the Prince can be seen smiling and cutting loose even more than usual, and perhaps Count Jainan isn’t as good an influence as we thought.
On the night of the Emperor’s birthday celebrations, His Royal Highness took to his public media network to share his well-wishes as many of the other royals had done, only his wasn’t what the palace had in mind.
The post, apparently made after one too many Choulian gins, read, “Happy Birthday to the EMPEROR!!!! Without whom I wouldn’t have this fine-ass man!”
The post featured a picture of what appeared to be the couple vacuously dancing on the roof of the east wing of the palace, harkening back to the incident five years ago in which Prince K scaled a building and broke his ankle.
But that isn’t the end of the scoop. Under the post, an apparently/equally drunk Count Jainan commented, “Ditto.”
Of course, this was not in keeping with the palace’s sense of propriety at all, and the next morning the HRH Kiem Tegnar media page posted the following apology:
His Highness, Prince Kiem of Iskat, expresses his deepest apologies to Her Majesty the Emperor for his ill-advised birthday wishes which, while made in earnest, were poorly worded and lacking the respect deserving of the Helm of the Empire.
While this did not surprise anyone on HRH’s Public Relations team, what very much did surprise them was Count Jainan’s rehash of the statement.
What was it titled you ask? The same as before.
“Ditto.”
While many people consider the Count the responsible one in the relationship, this one made us giggle, which is why we award Reason #1 for Royal Relationship Goals to the Empire’s favourite couple.
They Find Trouble Together, and isn’t that what every spicy relationship ought to have?
Jainan felt Kiem vibrating against his chest while he laughed.
“The best part about it was that you weren’t even drunk!”
Jainan smiled.
“Someone had to make sure you didn’t fall off the roof.”
“Ditto, though? Really? Even after the statement? I was all ready to take the blame!”
Kiem twisted to look at him. Jainan blushed under his gaze.
How does he still do that to me?
Jainan shrugged. “You gotta stand by your man. You’d do the same.”
Kiem blew a raspberry and waved his hand like the statement was so obvious there wasn’t a need even to visit it.
“It’d be a cold day on Hakim when I didn’t stand by my man! Not that you need me to. I mean, you fought off a bear, so I’m pretty much just eye-candy on your arm. But the point is, if you ever needed me for anything, I would be there. Like, in a heartbeat. Half a heartbeat. But you’re super smart and know when to hold your tongue, unlike me, so you never get into scrapes.”
Jainan quirked a brow. He hated it when Kiem made disparaging comments about himself, and furthermore, he couldn’t understand it, though he knew Kiem only made them in good fun.
“I never get into scrapes?” he asked. “No kidnappings, no being held on a secure military base until I’m rescued from the clutches of an instrument of torture by my totally badass partner?” Jainan rolled his eyes. “Thank god I’m so unproblematic.”
Kiem abandoned the article for a moment to wrap his arms and legs around Jainan’s torso, peppering kisses along his jawline as to distract from undoing his partner’s hair tie.
It spilled along his sun-kissed shoulders, loosening from the Thean-style braid Kiem loved so much. He ran his fingers through it.
“You’re beautiful. Still beautiful. Always beautiful.”
Jainan felt his brain short circuit and melted into the kiss.
Kiem called Jainan beautiful at random intervals, like when Jainan was lacing up his boots in the street or brushing his teeth or even just in passing when Kiem really should have been paying attention to a visiting dignitary (“How am I supposed to care about a boring old ambassador when you’re traipsing about like sex incarnate, Jainan? I’m only human.”)
But that didn’t mean Jainan tired of hearing it.
They settled into a lying position on the couch with Jainan on his back and Kiem pressed to his front on his stomach. He snuggled his face into the base of Jainan’s throat.
“ Why do you always smell so good?” he groaned.
Jainan fought a smile and lost.
“Yep. Still true.”
Kiem looked up. “What?”
Jainan squeezed his shoulders and kissed Kiem on the tip of his nose.
“You still verbalize everything.”
“Sorry!” Kiem started to apologize.
“Don’t,” Jainan cut him off. “I still like it.”
They stayed like that for a long while. Jainan almost fell asleep. Their lives together were so peaceful at times he found it stressful. At first, he’d jumped when Kiem’s moods switched as they so rarely did but even Kiem had his bad days, and felt for sure that that was the end of his happiness. When they had their first major fight, Jainan flinched when Kiem lifted his hands in a sudden gesture. But Kiem stopped right there, had apologized for whatever it was they had been fighting about and had assured Jainan that he would never hit him. From then on out, Kiem had made a conscious effort to avoid talking with his hands.
Peaceful life took a lot of getting used to.
That’s what the next article was about.
In a manner of speaking.
The article labeled it “Reason #2: They Give Each Other Space,” which was really just a euphemism for what Kiem referred to as “The Sourmoon.”
“Ugh, I hate this!” Kiem had said outside of the spaceport. “Not that I don’t understand it! I do! I really do. I think maybe you do need this to be sure that this is what you want. That - That I’m what you want.” Kiem had finished the sentence sadly but quickly marched on to his store of complaints. “This is the opposite of a honeymoon! This is… This is like a sour moon. Bitter. Disagreeable. I want to spit it out of my mouth. But I understand! Shit, I must sound like an asshole. I’m sorry. I’m just very nervous. And I talk when I’m nervous. God, please make me shut up. You won’t miss this at all!”
Jainan’s sister Ressid and a score of therapists had insisted. After years of abuse with Taam, maybe it was best if Jainan did go back to Thea.
Without Kiem.
Kiem was the first person to show an intense interest in Jainan’s happiness. Of course he would become attached. Of course he would become too invested in a person like Kiem.
Jainan had expected Kiem to back him up in giving a big middle finger to everyone involved in the frankly stupid idea that he should leave his partner, but Kiem had only grown quiet and said, “I think it is a good idea for you to rediscover yourself. I… I want you to see what I see when I look at you.”
Jainan had been wounded at first, damned offended actually, and come to think of it, that had been their first fight. So while he agreed with everything Kiem said in front of the spaceport, he’d only hugged Kiem and then left to join Ressid on the long voyage to Thea.
If Kiem hated him going so bad, then why was he letting it happen?
But weeks into the two-month separation, the same amount of time that they had been married, he came to understand it. He enjoyed being in the lab on Thea. He enjoyed hiking in the Thean mountains and mentally planning a similar campout with his partner. He enjoyed being with his clan again visiting the markets and fighting with people who were better versed with a quarterstaff than he was. He even enjoyed seeing the bears.
In the months away, he was discouraged from contacting Kiem, but he did send him a single message:
You’re wrong. I do miss you talking. A lot.
When he finally was given the choice to go back to Kiem on Iskat or stay on Thea and dissolve the marriage, it was a no-brainer.
He still loved Kiem. And he still wanted to go back to him.
When his ship had docked, he’d practically jumped the ramp. In fact, he had. He’d vaulted, disregarding at least two dozen safety regulations and barreled through a throng of reporters until he’d slammed straight into Kiem’s chest.
“Do you still want me?”
“What?”
Or at least Kiem would have said “What?” had Jainan not knocked the air out of him.
“Do you still want me? Because I just spent two of the most wonderful months of my life thinking at every turn how much better it would be if you were there, and like, no pressure but the ship is literally loaded down with at least fifty kilos of Thean foods I thought you would like, and clan flags that don’t even belong to me because I thought you would like the heraldry so I took some notes for you and why are you looking at me like that?”
Kiem was smiling in a daze, looking drunk or concussed or even possibly in love.
“You’re babbling,” Kiem kissed him. “That’s my thing. And wait. Really? Really. The heraldry stuff? Wait, forget the heraldry stuff! Do I still want you? Of course I still want you! I literally made you a vid every day that you were away and redid our bedroom in green and like, cried for six hours straight after I found out you were coming back. I was… I was really afraid that you wouldn’t. Not that it isn’t your right to decide! But hear me out. We can move to Thea. We can—!”
Jainan silenced him with a kiss.
“Did you want me to help you stop talking?”
Kiem bit him on the neck right there in front of the whole of the Iskat press.
“Yes, please.”
It had truly been one of their more dramatic and finer moments.
The article, reading in apparent chronological order, listed their third reason as They’re Unproblematic AF.
This stemmed from probably the second greatest scandal to ever hit the royal family.
Wristband Hacking.
Easily the most volatile crises the modern monarchy has ever faced (with the exception of Count Jainan’s infamous hospital interview and the confirmed abuse allegations against his late partner, Prince Taam), the wristband hacking scandal, believed by many to be the work of anti-royalist, targeted every major member of the Iskat royal family.
Prince Vaile was revealed to be entertaining a host of affairs, and even the Emperor had to issue a public apology when her private messages revealed comments derogatory to members of a certain ex-pat community on Iskat and several accusations of incompetency against members of the newly founded Federation. However, when hackers dug into messages between Prince Kiem and Count Jainan, the most they could find was evidence that the Prince had set fire to the royal kitchens attempting to make breakfast for what he refers to has his ‘husband,’ an antiquated, gendered term originating on Thea which means ‘male partner.’
In fact, out of all the royals, Count Jainan and Prince Kiem were the only among the mix not to have to issue public statements. While the Count refers to his ‘husband’ sweetly as “Love of my Life,” one might argue that Prince Kiem’s response to that warranted an apology, as he referred to Count Jainan as not only “87% of my impulse control” and “Sweet Thang,” but also “My sexy reason for not jumping out the window to escape this boring meeting.”
Of course, Prince K attends so many meetings for his various charities, that he squeaked out of giving an apology, instead utilizing his easy charm to tell everyone, “Oh, not you . Your meetings are riveting. I meant someone else. But of course, for privacy reasons, I can’t say. But I assure you it wasn’t you that I was talking about!”
Iskat’s Playboy Prince isn’t a playboy anymore, but is apparently a man who not only commits acts of arson in the name of his partner’s breakfast, but also addresses him with a litany of endearing pet names.
Seriously. It would take motivation like Count Jainan’s ass not to go mad in all the meetings the Prince attends.
“This one,” Jainan pointed to the next reason.
#4 They care about each other’s interests.
“That one is my favourite so far.”
“This one?” Kiem asked. “But I thought us at the Interplanetary Imperial Games would top your list.”
“That one is great,” shrugged Jainan. “But this one is about the first time I ever took you to Thea.”
Kiem blushed and tried to maintain an air of dignity.
It didn’t work.
Jainan smiled at the memory. After his two months away, his beloved nerd had eaten his way through all the Thean food, had gotten a little carried away hosting cultural dinners for the Thean students and ambassadors, and Jainan had found him lamenting on their pantry floor among nests of discarded wrappers.
“No, no! It can’t be! It mustn’t be. WHY AREN’T WE IMPORTING THEAN GOODS TO THIS PLANET?” Kiem had belly-flopped through the wrappers. He looked like he was swimming through them.
“The candies are gone, Jainan. I’ve eaten the steaks, the - the —What do you call the long fried dough sticks?”
“The eclairs?”
“I have eaten all the eccle chairs! How do you make them? Is it like a secret? Like a state secret? Is that why we don’t have any on Iskat?”
Kiem’s voice had reached a frightening pitch. Truth be told, Jainan was happy to see the end of the Thean food. Heck, he’d even been the one to tactfully suggest all the banquets. It was good for Kiem to learn Thean etiquette, and what’s more, Jainan was getting just a little concerned his partner’s arteries would clog. The food on Iskat was all nutritious. A bit tasteless, actually, so Kiem didn’t seem to grasp the concept that all the food he considered gourmet was actually little more than Thean junk food and desserts. It went beyond him.
“Babe, it is not a big deal. I promise the next time I go to Thea to visit Ressid, I will bring you back an entire ship full of food.”
“Including the Spam Porkers?”
“The…?” Jainan racked his brain. Spam Porkers. Kiem had said it dead serious. Then it occurred to him. “Love, I know you’re not trying to say hamburgers.”
Kiem frowned. Jainan started to apologize, worried he might have offended him, but Kiem said, “Back to Thea?”
The way he said it made him look smaller.
“You… um, are you, you know, planning on going back again soon?”
He rubbed at his arm, still sitting on the floor.
Kiem seemed sad. Kiem should never be sad. What in the gods' names had he said?
“Babe?” Jainan crouched. “What is it?”
Kiem avoided his eyes.
“You’ll think it sounds… dumb.”
“Kiem.”
“Not that I’m dumb, only that what I’m about to say is dumb.”
Jainan didn’t stop glaring disapprovingly.
“You are smart, Kiem. I’m math-smart. You’re people-smart. You don’t need a Ph.D. to be brilliant.” Jainan sat beside him and took his hand. “Whatever it is, I’m sure it’s not dumb.”
Kiem finally looked at him.
“I'd rather have you than all the eccle chairs and, um, hamburgers on Thea. So, like, it isn’t a pressing matter. The food thing.” Kiem squeezed his hand. “Unless you just want to go.”
Jainan steeled his jaw.
That didn’t sound stupid. That didn’t sound fucking stupid at all.
“I do,” Jainan said, shooting to his feet. “I do want to go to Thea.”
Kiem looked up at him like he was worried that Jainan was mad at him.
“Oh, yeah. Totally. I can call Bel and—”
“We,” Jainan interjected, “are going to Thea. My only request is that you don’t eat yourself into an early grave. I’d rather refuse the Emperor and commit treason than have to get married again to someone that isn’t you.”
Kiem had looked flabbergasted.
“Do you mean it?”
“I’d swear on a stack of eccle chairs.”
A week later, after settling all of their affairs and clearing their calendars, Jainan and Kiem landed in Thea’s capital city. Ressid was waiting for them.
She’d never quite taken to Kiem, as she was suspicious of all Iskat princes after Taam, but regarded him as some people might regard a monkey smashing around in their kitchen, with a sort of amused kind of horror and an uncertainty over who to call to get rid of it.
“Your Highness,” she greeted him coolly.
“Ressid, hi! I mean Lady Ressid, I mean…” Kiem bowed and pulled her in a hug. “I’m so happy to be here! Thank you for having me! Should I be wearing a scarf?”
If Kiem noticed Ressid looking like she wanted to murder him, he didn’t let on, but instead darted around the spaceport experiencing a very positive kind of culture shock.
“But I didn’t go to any of the souvenir shops yet!” Kiem protested when Jainan half-carried him out of the spaceport and into their waiting flybug.
“You don’t want to have a tourist experience, do you?” Jainan adjusted the radio to his favourite Thean station, a violent sounding sort of music that instantly awed his partner. “I can show you the real Thea.”
That was the great thing about Kiem. He had the attention span of a waterfly and a boundless enthusiasm for life. It kept things interesting.
He couldn't help thinking as they flew to the Adessari estate in the center of the city how impossible this trip would have seemed a year ago. Even if Taam had ever wanted to visit Thea, Jainan would have been terrified to travel with him, would have been terrified of what horrible, ignorant things that he would say to his sister and his family. Taam had always regarded Theans as little more than savages.
Kiem wasn’t like that.
With Kiem, he never had to worry about what he was thinking or if he was going to get mad. There were no eggshells. And he didn’t have to worry about Kiem saying what he was thinking because he never thought anything bad. He was genuinely fascinated by Thean culture and didn’t take offense if the odd Thean or two threw a rock at his head. He only ever really got angry if they tried that shit with Jainan, though most Thean media sources had issued apologies for labeling Jainan with treason for blowing them off for five years, in light of his circumstances.
“Jainan?”
It occurred to Jainan that this was not the first time that Kiem had said his name.
“Sorry. I’m sorry. Yes?”
Kiem made a face.
Ah, yes. The apologizing too much.
Habits, he guessed.
“It’s okay, darling. Was your head someplace else? You’re alright, right?”
“Yes,” Jainan rushed. “Very much. What did you say?”
Jainan landed the flybug on the curb.
“I asked if I could take a class maybe, for quarterstaff? You know, while you and Ressid are catching up. I know she likes to have you alone, not that I blame her. I could get better and then maybe practicing with me at home won’t be so boring. I’ve been working with Gairad when I’ve had time and Bel’s been helping me too, but I’m still shit at it.”
“Why can’t I teach you?” Jainan asked.
“Because you’re a warrior,” said Kiem. “You love a challenge, the thrill of the fight, and the only thing I challenge in you is your patience.”
Jainan knew he was joking, smoothing it over with that dashing smile, but he still didn’t like it.
He picked up Kiem’s hand and kissed the back of it. “I was waiting for you before I even met you and it was worth it. I can assure that my patience is neither challenged nor tested.” He smirked. “But if you want to try to take the master, I can probably find you a teacher.”
The next day Jainan woke up alone.
Odd, he thought. Kiem never woke up before he did. Perhaps Kiem wasn’t accustomed to sleeping on a tatami mat? Perhaps Thea was too hot for him. Good gods, what if he’d gone off exploring on his own and had gotten lost?
Jainan slipped into his slippers and robe and went sliding about the house into the great hall. Like the halls of the Iskat palace, the Adessari estate boasted arched roofs and pillars leading into the open air, but unlike Iskat it was warm and free of polished marble and was instead carved out of matte sandstone with large, hulking gargoyles to keep demons away. Tropical plants spilled over the verandas and the Taanzinakah Sea rose and fell in the distance. The city was built around the sea, multicoloured homes stacked upon each other so tightly it was a testament to the engineering feats of the common Thean that they hadn’t collapsed but had instead withstood the weight of hundreds of years' worth of families. Even this close to the gated estate Jainan could hear merchants shouting and haggling above the roar of foot traffic. The air smelled of bubbling street food and saltwater, and he knew where there was excitement, Kiem would smell it out.
He was just about to order the whole of the Thean guard to sweep the surrounding area when he heard giggling.
Ressid’s children, he realized, but also…
“Jainan!”
Jainan’s shoulders relaxed.
Children. Of course Kiem was playing with a group of children. He loved them, had gotten on with them famously last night. It’d really done quite a bit for Kiem in Ressid’s estimate, which caused Jainan to wonder if it wasn’t intentional.
His partner could be quite politically savvy when he needed to be, the charming scoundrel.
Ressid’s daughters and son had Kiem dressed in Feria clan green and white with an appropriately knotted scarf. It even looked like someone had attempted to braid his hair, but there just wasn’t enough of it to achieve the Thean style. Still, he looked handsome, and what’s more the kids were wheeling him about on a skateboard.
“Jainan, check it out! It has wheels! Like, it doesn't hover at all and it takes way more balance. And Achebe can do all kinds of tricks on it and it just blows my mind! It’s the coolest thing I’ve ever seen. You have got to give this a go!”
“I already have,” Jainan smiled. “That’s my skateboard.”
The kids took their hands off Kiem long enough for him to push and circle around his partner, trying the word on his lips.
“ Skate-board . Right, right. Wait! Can you do those flippy kicks too?”
This triggered a round of affirmations from the children that yes, Uncle Jainan could skateboard, which triggered a round of begging from Kiem who only relented when he got too excited, leaned forward, and fell back with his legs careening straight over his head.
Jainan caught him before he could hit the floor.
“I think that’s enough skateboarding for today.” Jainan sat him on his feet. “There is much to see, and it would ruin our itinerary if you broke your back.”
Jainan took Kiem everywhere he could think of, from the shore racked with both hovering fishing boats and wooden antiques that actually floated on the physical water to the coastline riddled with trees with more trunk than leaves and faces of long-dead clan leaders carved into the side.
“Is that Ressid?” Kiem asked of one particularly grumpy chieftess from generations passed.
“No,” Jainan repressed a smile. “But that is a distant relation.”
“Do you think you’ll be on one of these someday?”
“No,” Jainan shrugged. “I was only ever a political bargaining tool.”
Kiem frowned.
“I don’t think so,” he said. “Both Thea and Iskat would be pretty well up the stream without you, now wouldn’t they? Don’t deny it. Don’t downplay it, as I won’t allow it. I’m going to get us one of these trees to plant on Iskat and then we’ll carve you, the bearslayer, straight into the side of the garden for all to see. It’ll be a conversation piece. Our children will tell their children’s children.”
Jainan rolled his eyes.
“The poor tree won’t stand a chance. Iskat is covered in snow. It only snows in the mountains here.”
He spent the remainder of the day keeping Kiem from getting ripped off by merchants, flying above the sapphire and emerald coloured landscape, and avoiding what they could of the Thean press. Kiem took everything in stride until they came to the zoo.
“Jainan, look out!” he said, snatching back his partner when he wandered into an open avian exhibit. “You’ll get eaten alive! They’ll peck your eyes out.”
Oh, this was going to be good.
“Birds here are not the same as your ‘doves’ on Iskat. Come.”
Though he looked hesitant, Kiem didn’t resist as Jainan steered him into the avian exhibit. The birds were different, not skeletal or overgrown, but instead so plump it was a wonder they could fly, but they did, with trailing vibrant feathers of red, green, and yellow that made them look more like an unrealistic children's drawing than anything else. The zookeeper led the young prince aside and spread out his hands, sprinkling sugar grains along Kiem’s arms and even his head. Before long, he was covered in birds, weighed down in them, and his face the picture of rapture.
“Jainan,” he said reverently, “I love this planet!”
“Wait till you see the bears.”
Of course, they couldn't get through the day without at least one clan function, which neither of them was looking forward to. Kiem may have loved Thea, but Thea did not love him.
At least not yet.
Everyone at the party eyed the off-worlder with suspicion and contempt, try as he might to be friendly, and it angered Jainan when groups would purposefully speak in thick accents as to make Kiem feel excluded. Kiem wasn’t stupid. He knew when his charm was falling flat, but he faced the evening with unflagging enthusiasm.
And with the appetite of a hippopotamus (which as with bears, were very different from hippopotamuses on Iskat).
He made a face like he was in the throes of passion after every single bite.
“Mmmph, Jainan, why aren’t there Thean restaurants on Iskat?!”
Jainan threw back a glass of Kaani rum. Kiem had been treated abysmally all evening. Jainan just knew he was going to pick a fight defending his husband’s honour before the night was over. How was Kiem taking it so well? How was he so patient? Taam would have been in a state by now. Was Kiem suffering in silence for Jainan’s sake, or was he really unbothered? Jainan should have known better than to take him here. It would ruin Kiem on Thea.
“There really isn’t that large of an ex-pat community back home, love.”
Kiem shoveled in a large mouthful of noodles, pointed to the bowl, and said with his cheeks stuffed, “If all the food here tastes this good, then I’d never leave this planet either.”
Before Jainan could comment on the ridiculousness of their situation, a woman walked up to Kiem and slapped clean him across the face.
He lost quite a bit of noodles.
Jainan was a civil man, but enough was too much.
He shoved her into a table of finger foods.
“Just who in the seventh reckoning do you think you are?”
“Your wife, that’s who!”
Kiem froze, all signs of appetite lost. “What?”
“What?” Jainan said at the same time.
Ressid and several dignitaries were coming over, and along with them, the press.
Shit.
So much for not stirring up trouble.
“Count Jainan was betrothed to me before you Iskat foreigners claimed him!”
“Betrothed?” Kiem gasped. “You were engaged before Taam? Why didn’t you say anything?”
“Because I don’t know this bloody woman!” said Jainan. “She is clearly out of her mind.”
“Actually, she isn’t,” said Ressid, shouldering in with an older lady. “This is Lan Radain and her granddaughter Yonja Simbarri. By clan rights, you would have been engaged to Yonja had the Empire not come calling.”
“But the Empire did come calling,” said Jainan. “And I’m married now.”
“Now that the link is divided equally we have grounds to argue that,” said Ressid. “The Iskat Prince is on Thean soil, meaning he is now bound by Thean laws and Thean rituals. By the ancient rites, Yonja can legally challenge Prince Kiem to a duel,” Ressid nodded. “For you.”
“A duel!” Jainan floundered. “I will not allow these insults to my partner for a moment longer. Kiem,” he grabbed his hand, “Let’s go.”
“But he can’t,” Ressid stepped in front. “Weren’t you listening? By the laws of Clan Feria, Kiem has been formally challenged. If he doesn’t accept, then it would null your marriage on Thea.”
“And what about Iskat, hmm?” Jainan challenged. “This is a scene. This is a scandal! How dare—!”
“Now hold on,” Kiem finally interjected. He seemed to be examining Yonja and Lan. “I’ll admit, I have a lot to learn about Thean culture, but are you really telling me that after a year of marriage, she can just throw down the gauntlet and lay claim to Jainan? You’re really ready to cause an interplanetary incident to try to split us up? Why? Jainan says he doesn’t even know you. I love him. What’s your motivation?”
The two women looked to Ressid.
“Our Ladyship is willing to honor the pact with clan Ranbira for greater access to the eastern oceans should we successfully form an alliance by marriage. With the trade link fair for all, we have a greater chance of advancing our own clan's interests should we acquire the Count.”
“Acq—?” Kiem looked to Jainan, never mind the Thean newslogs filming the whole fiasco.
What would the Emperor say?
“He might just be a political bargaining tool to you, but he isn’t to me. He’s my husband.” Kiem stormed up in Yonja’s face. Kiem had never stormed at anyone before, except maybe Aren or the unfortunate workers from Internal Security. “Name your damn terms. Is it to the death? Quarterstaffs? Hand to hand? You name it. And if you can challenge me now, does that mean I can challenge you again should you win? Will the rest of our visits to Thea just consist of me winning and losing my partner?”
“No,” said Ressid. “The challenge is valid only once.”
“I’ll fight,” said Jainan. “It’s my life. I ought to be able to fight.”
Even as he said it, he knew that it would never work. Ressid was working with a very old and very ancient Feria tradition. If his sister was willing to piss off Iskat, she’d make small work of enraging the clans against him. He might even lose his Thean citizenship if he didn’t cooperate, and then where would they be? Their diplomatic position would be in jeopardy.
And all because Ressid still couldn’t believe that Kiem could really care for him.
Jainan felt sick and worried and guilty all at the same time. They’d been doing a good thing splitting the link equally. Why was Ressid abusing it?
“You and I both know that’s not possible.”
“No one has invoked a marriage challenge in three hundred years! You’re just doing this because of Taam, and I’ve had enough of him ruining my life!”
Jainan cut himself off before he could continue any further. He looked around at the vidmakers and the reporters, suddenly mortified that his family drama was playing out before the whole of the Empire.
Fuck.
Kiem took his hand and stepped forward.
“It doesn't matter what the terms are. I accept.”
“Kiem!”
“Splendid,” Ressid said, turning. “And it isn’t to the death, Prince Kiem. Only to the last warrior standing.” She examined him up and down. “We’ll see how worthy you are of the title.”
In the gardens, lit with torches of glowing green azaira minerals, a large gathering of clans crowded the circle drawn in sand and salt. The rules, Ressid explained, were very simple.
Don’t smudge the line. If you get knocked down, get back up. Until you can’t anymore.
The last one standing won.
Kiem was as green as the azaira minerals. He shouldn't have eaten so much. Meanwhile, Jainan was racking his brain trying to figure a way out of this.
“I told you, I’m not remarrying anybody who isn’t you. I swore on eclairs!”
“Is that how you say it?” asked Kiem, shimmying off his shoes. “I’m afraid that won’t hold up in a Thean clan trial, darling.”
“To hell with the whole thing!” For once in his life, Kiem was much calmer than Jainan was. “The Emperor will never allow this.”
“It doesn’t matter,” Kiem insisted. “I know I’m not exactly in peak physical shape—”
“She’s a Ranbira warrior, Kiem, which in case your heraldry research didn’t inform you, is the most violent clan we have!”
Kiem pecked him on the cheek like he was worried about nothing and stepped into the ring.
Jainan almost couldn’t bear to look.
“Ressid, call it off now.”
His sister ignored him.
“Kiem had never done anything but be good to me, love me even. He’s even great with your kids. Why are you doing this?”
“A test.”
“I have a Ph.D. Where the shits your teaching license?”
“I run this planet,” she said. “You’re just a guest.”
Yonja came out swinging and clan Ranbira cheered. She connected her fist to Kiem's cheekbone and sent him flying, but he angled his body away from the sand and got back up again.
He rubbed his face.
“Is that the best you’ve got? I thought Ranbira was supposed to be tough.”
Kiem didn’t stand a chance.
Yonja kept pulverizing him, but he kept shooting back up. The only time he really scrapped with her was when she tried to push him into the sand. He slammed his face into her nose then and hooked her heel, throwing her onto the ground.
He must’ve learned that trick from Bel.
Kiem tired quickly, reserving his energy only for staying clear of the line and let Yonja beat him until he was unrecognizable.
“Don’t, Uncle Jainan!” one of his nieces caught him. “He’ll lose if you intervene!”
Jainan hadn’t even realized he’d been pushing for the line.
The longer the fight went on, the more nervous Lan Radain became.
“Lady Ressid,” she said. “We agreed to fight the Prince, not kill him. Dissolving a marriage with the Emperor’s grandson is one thing, but murder would be in direct violation with the treaty. We would bring the Auditors down on Thea, not to mention the whole of the Iskat army. Feria governs, but I wouldn’t put it past you lot to throw Ranbira to the wolves to save your own skins. Call it off already!”
“No,” Ressid said calmly. “He won’t stand much longer.”
“That’s what I’m afraid of.”
Kiem, that fool, out of sheer stubbornness kept rising until a good faction of Theans were rooting for him, Feria in particular. If anything, Ranbira was looking nervous. It wasn’t a question of whether Yonja would win, but rather if she’d have to kill Kiem before he’d stay down.
“Drag him over the line, Yonja! Drag him over the line!” Lan shouted, but Yonja darted her eyes between Jainan and Lady Ressid.
Jainan never registered that he was screaming.
“We’ll figure something out, Kiem! Just stay down, stay down! She’ll kill you. Kiem!”
He hadn’t been this terrified since Taam.
Since he was the one taking the hits.
He saw flashes of Taam’s fists and flinched as if each blow was his own. He remembered them so vividly.
“Kiem, stay down! Please. Please. ”
Jainan had a cardinal rule of never crying in public, but tonight seemed like a night to break a lot of rules.
At least half the Theans were calling to stop the fight. Kiem swayed on his tired legs, his face near unrecognizable. He looked at Jainan and held his fist over his heart, mouthing, “It’s okay. Alright.”
It wasn’t going to be alright. Jainan had had quite enough, but just as he was about to storm the circle and petition the Iskat army to diffuse this ridiculous political upheaval himself, Ressid threw down her scarf and Yonja fell to her knees, formally forfeiting the match.
Jainan rushed the circle and Kiem collapsed into his arms.
“Kiem? I’m sorry. I am so sorry! I’ll get you to a healer.”
Jainan scooped him under the back of the knees. Kiem was heavier than him and he prayed he didn’t drop him.
“S’okay,” Kiem slurred. “Knew what I was doing.”
“You look like you had your face held in a meat grinder.”
“Love you, too.”
Ressid’s healers crowded them along with members of the Thean press, but Jainan wouldn’t surrender the battered body folded in his arms.
“Ressid,” he tried to maintain an air of calm. “What. The. Fuck.”
Ressid snapped her fingers and members of her security detail confiscated cameras and vids left and right, earning a loud protest from the media.
“Is he really that important to you?” she asked.
“Is he—!” With no cameras on him, Jainan was tempted to go full psycho. “How would you like it if someone did this to your wife?”
Ressid smiled at him.
“I wasn’t talking to you.”
Kiem stirred in his arms, muttering some nonsense as he had clearly sustained a concussion.
“I can fancy ‘nother round. Let’s have a go, mate.” He held up his fists limply without closing his eyes. “Jainan doesn’t like fighting.”
With that, his head slumped against Jainan’s neck.
“I was wrong,” Ressid said. “He is a warrior.”
Later the next day, after a healer finally brought Kiem back around, Jainan fussed and fussed until Kiem was quite sure he was going to go into a conniption.
“Darling,” he said, an android stitching his face and knuckles, “I wish you’d sit down.”
Jainan did, but his body was wound so tight Kiem was afraid that any sudden movements would send him jumping through the ceiling. He patted him cautiously.
“Um, it's a good thing your sister needs a crash course on freedom of the press, eh?”
Jainan didn’t find it funny.
“My sister is out of her mind, ” he clipped.
It was clear to Kiem that he hadn’t any intention of saying more.
“Well,” said Kiem, “At least Thea likes me now.”
It was true. Though the media at large hadn’t spread the story to the far reaches of the outer galaxy, news spread like wildfire among the populace, and of course people had taken videos with their wristbands.
Kiem of Clan Feria.
He liked the sound of that.
“I don’t care what they like!” Jainan snapped. “They never gave Taam this kind of shit! You’re a good person. This shouldn’t be happening to you.”
Jainan was trembling.
“Hey,” said Kiem. “I… I’m sorry.”
“Sorry?” said Jainan.
“Well, it seems like I ought to be sorry for… something? And anyway, it’s my fault we’re on Thea. If I hadn’t been such a glutton and annoyed you so badly about heraldry and had just researched it my—”
“Never blame yourself when someone else hits you!”
Jainan’s chest heaved, then quieter, he said, “It isn’t your fault. God, Kiem, it’s never your fault. How could it ever be?”
He moved his hands like he wanted to hug Kiem but couldn’t decide which part of him would cause the least amount of pain. When nowhere looked acceptable, he settled his hands in his lap and curled in on himself.
Kiem said screw it. He pulled Jainan into his arms.
“This… is about what Taam did to you, isn’t it?”
Jainan was too angry and too guilt-ridden and too everything to respond, so he only said, “Some of it.”
Kiem had been hurt. He never wanted Kiem hurt. This wasn’t how their first trip to Thea was supposed to go. He felt useless. He felt like if he’d only been more observant, less inadequate, then—
“I don’t know what you’re thinking,” Kiem cut. “But I know it’s not nice. That’s okay, but as long as it’s not aimed towards yourself.” He kissed him. “What do you think about… about getting married again? To me, I mean?”
Kiem was stammering. Kiem didn’t stammer.
“I mean… I know you’re hurt right now—”
“Me?”
“Yes, you. It was my cousin who did this to you. If I hadn’t had my head shoved so bloody far up my ass I could have helped you! I should have noticed. Someone in the palace should have noticed. Jainan, you must hate us.” Kiem hung his head. “I should have found you sooner. It shouldn’t have taken an arranged marriage.”
Jainan perked his head up, inhaling sharply.
Kiem felt… guilty?
“Taam wasn’t your fault.”
Kiem spoke very quietly.
“He wasn’t yours either.”
After a stunned silence, unsure of what emotion he was feeling only that it was a mix of relief and something like sadness, Jainan settled back into Kiem’s arms.
“My family is crazy.”
“Technically, Yonja isn’t family. I saw to that.” Kiem flexed his muscles and winced when the motion hurt him.
“I was talking about Ressid,” said Jainan. “I’ll make her apologize.”
“Don’t bother,” Kiem replied. “I think she finally respects me. Me! Can you believe it?”
Kiem leaned back looking supremely pleased with himself.
“Besides, she’s trying to do right by you this time. We can’t be the only two nursing a guilt complex because of that son of a bitch. And I met his mother. I can confirm that he was, in fact, a son of a bitch. Pedigree a mile long.”
Despite himself, Jainan smiled.
“I met her too,” he said. “I think she was born in a kennel.”
Then, coming to himself, Jainan sat up and asked, “What did you say about marrying me again?”
Kiem blinked.
Was he… Was he blushing?
“Um, well, you see. I just thought perhaps since our marriage started out as a forced thing, that maybe now that we’re not opposed to it, you might want to go for a redo? Like those love matches normal people have where they stress about flower arrangements and food and photographers, and they argue about cake. The whole shebang. Of course, I’m not sure how Thea does it! We can do it any way you like. I’ve never asked about those sorts of traditions, but of course, if you’d rather not, it’s fine. In fact, I’m already to the good part being married to you! We don’t need a fuss.”
Jainan smiled.
“We do have cake.”
Kiem sighed dramatically, winching only when the motion hurt his ribs.
He soldiered on.
“What a relief! The desserts on this planet are amazing. It would have been a sin.”
“Kiem?” Jainan snuggled into his chest. “I’m really glad you’re here.”
He stilled. How long had it been since Kiem had uttered that same phrase after Jainan had saved him in the wilderness?
It fell somewhere between ages ago and yesterday.
“So…”
“So. How’s tomorrow sound?”
Kiem scoffed. “You and the Emperor. Don’t either of you have any chill?”
Jainan shrugged.
“Not when it comes to you.”
And the two of them settled off to sleep.
Sharing one another's interests indeed.