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It all begins in the last week of summer vacation, when the three of them are spending it at the house in Columbia.
Aaron had gone with Katelyn to her parents’ house, and Nicky was still in German with Erik, consequently Kevin, Andrew and Neil were occupying the house all alone. Besides spending some quality time together - what in the dorms seemed to be almost impossible due to the presence of the other Foxes -, they were also preparing themselves for the next college year and all the responsibilities that will come with it. It would be Neil’s first year as captain and Kevin’s last year with the Foxes, so they were trying to be as close as possible before the whole thing comes for them.
Therefore, one night, they decided to go for dinner outside the house and, for once, they skipped Andrew’s expensive car and went walking.
That’s the reason Kevin is right now beside Andrew on the sidewalk, with Neil on the other side of the blond, waiting to cross the street and listening to them talking about the apocalypse movie they can watch when they get home.
Kevin is content just hearing them talk and when the traffic light appears red, they start walking. But, out of nowhere, a car comes towards them, at high speed. Kevin barely sees Andrew moving, however he definitely feels his left hand being grabbed and pulled back so he can return to the sidewalk, and acting on instinct, he goes several feet away from his boyfriends and puts his hand close to his chest, covering it with the other.
His breathing is fast and uneven, his thoughts are all the way back in the Nest, with Riko laughing above him, someone holding him down and the excruciating pain on his hand after the bones were broken…
“Kevin”
He breaks out of his train of thoughts and looks at Andrew and Neil, both in front of him with a worried expression on their faces.
“Hi” Kevin answers quietly and when met with silence, he kept talking “I just wasn’t expecting it. You know. Just. You grabbed my hand.” He watches as his boyfriends faces change from doubt to anger.
“I am sorry, it was not your fault, I didn’t want you to feel that way.”
“Shut up. Don’t apologize. There is nothing here to apologize for.” Andrew replies while Neil is looking troublesome when he speaks
"Let's go home. It’s already late.”
They start walking again but this time no one is talking.
_
Even with the incident on the night before, their next day passed without bigger events, but at night, when they are sitting on the couch watching some cooking tv show, Neil is the one to speak first:
“Hey Kev”
Kevin, who was laying on the floor in front of Andrew and Neil, lifts his head to look at him.
“Yeah, babe?”
“Could you give me your hand?”
Regardless not knowing exactly where this was going, Kevin gives his hand and at the same time Andrew speaks
“Not the right one, Kevin”
Suddenly, Kevin sits up altering his looks between his boyfriends.
“Why? Is this because of what happened yesterday? I’m fine”
At that, Neil snorts “I thought that was my line. And if I’m prohibited from saying it when it’s not true, you also are.”
“Kev. We want to hold your hands. Yes or no?”
Kevin sighs heavily and watching the floor instead of Andrew, he speaks quietly “I want to. I know you both are not… Him. And obviously you would never hurt me. But every time something comes close to touching my hand like that, the memory comes right back, it's like I'm there again.”
“It’s okay, darling, it’s alright, we understand.”
After Neil answers him, Andrew hovers his hand on Kevin’s face and calls him to lay on the couch with them, ending the topic.
_
Three months later, they are back in Columbia for a peaceful weekend in the middle of the semester, and even if the hand subject had been dropped weeks ago, it just wouldn’t go out of Kevin’s mind. He should be able to hold hands with his boyfriends, the people he trusts the most in the world, the ones that were there for him at any time. After all, it had already been three years since his hand was broken. But, as Bee loves to point out in his therapy sessions, recovery and progress are not linear and have nothing to do with time.
Nonetheless, it was still something he craved. Something he wanted to claim back to himself. He saw how Andrew and Neil cherished this kind of contact and he wished to be a part of it. He thought about all the other times they had treated him kindly, with soft kisses in the morning, gentle embraces and grounding words in those days that appeared to be endless and hopeless. He remembered how trust was something built slowly but surely in their relationship, always with questions and never assumptions. These two people couldn’t hurt him, ever.
With that in mind, and with a lot of baggage and overthinking from the sessions with Bee, he had decided to bring the matter up. So later after they ate dinner and were readying themselves to go to bed, Kevin speaks up tentatively
“I want you to hold my hand.”
Neil, who is drinking a glass of water in the kitchen, stops. Andrew has a less notedly reaction, but looks surprised all the same. A few seconds in completely silence passes until the redhead answers him first
"Kev. You don't have to."
"I know. I know I don't. But I want you to. I don’t want any touch of you being associated with this kind of thing. It's not supposed to be like this.”
Andrew opens his mouth as if to speak, but Kevin raises his hand shortly to stop him and keeps talking
“And before one of you says that it’s not how this type of experience works, how trauma works, I am already answering that I am aware of this too. I thought a lot about asking this and I made my decision several days ago.”
“I am doing this for me, I am the one bothered by the whole situation in the first place. I want to be able to hold your hands in mine and not be afraid. You don’t mean fear or anxiety. You are the completely opposite of it all. You both mean safety, warmth, kindness, love. And I want to feel it that way."
Kevin finishes talking and knows that he probably looks as exhausted as he feels by the pressure of the moment, but still determined to continue with his plan if his boyfriends agree.
Andrew is the first one to move, and when he stops in front of Kevin, he stares at the taller man’s face, searching for any trace of doubt, and when satisfied with what he finds, he finally asks
"Kevin, yes or no?”
With a little smile, Kevin answers "Yes"
Andrew starts moving slowly, as if he is not even moving at all, and gets close to Kevin's hand, giving him the chance of backing away. He doesn't, and Andrew picks his hand gently and lifts until it's right in front of his face.
The blond curls his fingers around Kevin's very lightly, and brings his hand forward, touching the tips of his fingers with his lips carefully, kissing not only his fingers but also the scars there.
Kevin closes his eyes and at last, lets the tension drop off him, his shoulders losing weight visibly and a breath of air coming out of his mouth.
Seconds later, Neil comes around the corner of the kitchen and stops right beside the taller man, with his hand hovering Kevin's right one.
"Kev, can I pick your right hand?"
Still with his eyes closed, he replies "Yes"
So Neil does the same path Andrew did, putting as much tenderness, and also kisses his fingers in a delicate way.
After a moment, Neil and Andrew send a knowing look at each other and Andrew says
"Kev. Neil and I are going to switch your hands, okay?"
Kevin finally opens his eyes and gives them a nod.
They trade places, and this time Kevin doesn't hesitate when the boys take his hands and put it right next to their faces, on their cheeks, with their own hands on top of it.
The three of them look at each other and Kevin just can’t even believe how lucky he feels right now, that he is allowed not only to have, but also appreciate this sort of moment. And, mostly, that he is able to start healing from things he thought would hunt every step for the rest of his life.
And right there, Kevin thought ‘Yes, this is how it should be like. I want to keep this forever, keep them forever’. Without knowing what to say exactly to them that could express the deepness of his feelings, he just says
"Thank you"
At that, Andrew glares at him
"There is nothing to thank us for"
Kevin just nods, knowing better than to argue against him, however still relieved that he said it.
"Do you want to go to bed? I can wake you up tomorrow to go running with me, if you want it”
Andrew snorts, looking at Neil with a raised eyebrow
“Really, junkie?”
“What? He looks tired”
Kevin senses his lips tugging upwards at their bickering and agrees with the redhead’s offer, which makes Andrew rolls his eyes
"Come on, let’s go to sleep before you both decide to go running right now"
And with that, Andrew and Neil pull Kevin by his hands towards the bedroom, still involved in their own little bubble of trust, security and fondness.
_
Next morning, Kevin wakes up with both of his hands being held by his boyfriends next to their chests, exactly above where their heart is, and he smiles softly, going back to sleep knowing he couldn’t be safer.