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“Your friend is here”
Kix nudges me, as the sound of the med bay doors slide open and some distinctive steps walk in, while all my focus is on fixing his medical droid. I turned my head slightly and saw the blue and white armour, along with the five on his forehead. Ugh! I got along great with all of the boys in blue, except for him. Every time he was around, all I wanted to do was punch him in his face, especially when he opened his mouth.
“I don’t care, Kix.” I said loud enough so the annoyance could hear, “Anyways, I think this med droid has had it. I think the only thing left for me to do is to take it apart and replace a few of the components, back at my shop.”
Kix let out a long sigh and his hand went to rub the back of his head, “I was afraid of that.”
I kept my eye focused on Kix, even though I sensed, well more felt and smelt Fives come up beside us. His cologne was always so extra. Not that he wore a lot of it, but that it was just overpowering, good thing droids didn’t have noses otherwise he would’ve led the Separatist fleet right to the cruiser. I could feel his eyes watching my every movement, as I started grabbing various components.
“Do you think you have enough droids, just in case, Kix? I’ll try to get this fixed as soon as I can, but I have to fix a few other things first”.
Ignore him and he’ll go away. I kept reminding myself.
“I think so, thankfully we’re not going to another campaign, just heading back to Coruscant. So we should be okay, unless General Skywalker decides otherwise.”
“Alright, I’m gonna take the droid with me, and see if I can fix it sooner rather than later than.”
“Thank you, my dear” Kix places a hand on my shoulder, “Anything for you, Kix” I offer with a wink.
Fives clears his throat beside me, Kix looks from me to Fives, while I made sure to keep my eye on the droid, replacing all the components I took out, just so it can do a basic function of following me back to my shop close to the hangar of the Resolute.
“Fives, need something vod?” Kix asks, while his hand still rested on my shoulder. Subtly letting me know he had my back. He knew how much I couldn’t stand the man standing next to me. It seemed whenever I was with Kix, whether in the med bay helping him out, having lunch with him in the mess, hanging out at 79s on Coruscant, Fives inevitably showed up.
“I … um …” I could see from my peripheral the uneasiness that came across his face, I couldn’t help but smirk, as he became nervous from Kix’s stare, and my complete lack of interest or recognition. “… Just came to see how you’re doing? You know brother to brother.”
“Is that so?” Kix asked, although not believing it.
“Yeah, you know after the campaign, it seemed like you might be swamped with casualties, wanted to make sure you were taking care of yourself.”
“That’s nice. Isn’t that nice, my dear?” Kix directed the question to me.
“Hmm”, I answered, “especially, since there were absolutely no casualties on the relief mission we just ended. I would imagine an ARC Trooper would be aware of the status of his brothers.” I didn’t even bother looking at either as I answered, just continuing on with my task.
“I agree. Fives? Anything to add?”
“Can’t a guy just come and ask how his brother is doing?”
“Well I’m all done here, I’m going to take this guy” I pat the droid's head, “back to the shop with me, I’ll comm you when it’s done, Kix”.
“Thank you, mesh’la”
“Anytime” I start collecting my tools, and begin moving away from the two men, “Well Fives, if you really want to know how I’m doing, I’m doing quite well. I woke up with a slight soreness to my lower back, but that’s probably because I have to carry the weight of your bull…”
“How are you doing sweetheart?” Fives shouted to me as I was about to exit the med bay. I let out a long exasperating sigh, “Kix, do me a favour”
“Yes, my dear?”
“Tell the irritant in front of you to stop talking to me, unless absolutely necessary.”
“Will do, mesh’la” Kix answered, as I left the med.
“You are hopeless, Fives”
“I don’t get it, everyone else loves me. Plus she gets along with all the other guys.” Fives can’t help but get flustered at the reaction from the Resolute’s mechanic, no matter how hard he tried, she wouldn’t give him the time of day.
“Yeah, but do they really?”
“You love me”
“That’s debatable Fives, there are days where I'm right up against the box of dislike and unbridled rage.”
“See you love me”
“Have you thought that maybe you try too hard?”
“Hmmm … nah, that’s not it. I mean she practically spends all her free time with you. Wait, you guys aren’t … you know…”
“Not that it’s any of your business, but no. We’re just friends. Good friends. But friends, nothing more.”
“You don’t want more from her?”
“No. It’s not like that. Maybe you should try and just be friends, instead of flirting non-stop.”
“I … I don’t know how to be friends without flirting.”
“Well now is your opportunity to practice. I’m sure if you told her how pathetic you truly are, she would be friends with you.”
“Is that what you did?”
“Stars no, see I’m not pathetic, first of all. Secondly, I treat her like an actual person, rather than someone to add to my collection of people I’ve slept with.”
“Vod?”
“Am I wrong?”
“It’s not like that”
“Right. Sure. I believe you.” Kix just shook his head at the man before him.
“Ugh, I just don’t know what it is about her, I see her and I just …”
“Become an idiot”
“Yeah.”
“Then I feel bad for you, cause if you can’t deal with it, you’re missing out on knowing one of the best people this universe has to offer.”
“Yeah, I know.” Fives felt so dejected and forlorn, no matter what at the end of the day, she made him weak in the knees and the brain. As soon as the mechanic would enter his field of vision, as soon as he came up beside her, or even thought of her, his head stopped functioning and the only thing left was cheesy pickup lines, and dumb comments.
I remember the first time I saw her, she had freshly arrived on the Resolute and was getting off the transport ship. She had been talking with another trooper, her radiating smile hit me like a blaster bolt. I knew I needed to meet her, with all the confidence I could muster, I swaggered up to her, putting on my best smile and then I asked if I could carry her butt for her. The trooper beside her, had full on stopped and was shocked by what I had said, her face slowly turned towards me, as her look of disgust was clearly evident. I meant to say bag, but that’s not the word my brain decided to use, and since that day, she couldn’t stand me.
- - - - - - - -
“Alright, little one, let’s see if you work now”
“Beep, beep, boooop”
“Well hello, to you too. Okay, I have a lacerated stomach, blood is freely flowing, what do you do?”
“Bop, beep, boooop, beeeeep”
Ugh! I just shook my head, “No, you don’t offer last rites, you try to save them”
“Beep, booooooop”
“You are supposed to save people, what do you mean, they’re better off dead? Alright, I’m gonna have to turn you off and see if I can fix whatever seems to be wrong.”
“Beep”
“Bye.”
“Are you trying to create a killer droid? Cause I think the Separatists have you beat there.” Fives’ voice echoed through my shop.
“What do you want Fives, I’m busy”
“I … I need to apologize to you.”
“Really?” I laid my tools on the table and turned to face him, “Tell me, what exactly are you apologizing for?”
“Umm… for saying the wrong thing all the time, for accidentally hitting on you when you first arrived, and for basically … Well, for lack of a better word, stalking you the past few months.”
“Sort of like right now, showing up at my shop, unannounced and uninvited”
Fives’ expression was one of pure guilt, “Umm… I … oh crap!” He ran a hand down his face, then proceeded to rub his neck.
“Do you know why I dislike you? I mean everything you said has you hitting the nail on the head, but there’s even one more reason. Let’s see if you can figure it out”
Fives face was morphed into pure fear, he kept thinking over and over, what he could have done that was so horrendous, that was so bad.
“Umm… did I … did we have a date before, and I forgot?”
“No, please nothing so pedestrian”
“Did I sleep with you, and not call the next day?”
“Sweetie, if you slept with me, trust me, you’d call every day. Try again.”
“I … I don’t know.”
“Jaina Avan”
Fives face went blank, who the heck was Jaina Avan?
“You don’t remember her do you?”
Fives furrowed his brow, Jaina … who the heck was Jaina.
“She was a bartend at ’79s”
All of the sudden a face comes to the front of Fives memory, I could see the reconnection in his face as the name along with the occupation came flooding forward.
“I … I had a date with her, once, months ago, before you even arrived on the resolute. It didn’t work out, she knew that.”
“Mmhmm, but what did you tell your brothers? Do you remember?”
“Umm…”
“You told them, she wasn’t what you were expecting, but good enough for one night. Now you and I both know, that is a blatant lie since you never actually slept with her. But that didn’t stop you from being an absolute ass, and giving her a reputation. After you started spreading those oh so glamorous rumours, do you know how many of your brothers came up to her and basically implied you had said, she would sleep with any of them for money.”
Fives' face was mortified, his jaw dropped open, “I … I had …”
“No idea? Of course not, because you’re selfish, thoughtless, and out for all you can get. All you care about is how you’re perceived by your brethren, you don’t care who you hurt as long as you come off looking like the winner. Maybe it’s because you were shiny at the time and thought that was the way to gain points with your brothers, but you hurt her. She is one of the sweetest and kindest people you will ever know, and you treated her like some common street walker. She had to leave her job at ’79s and even move to a different neighbourhood, because men would follow her home, thinking she was an easy mark. You did that. You caused that. Do you care? No. Did you even notice she stopped working there?”
“I …”
“You probably didn’t, did you?”
“I can make it right”
“A little too late, my dear.”
“No, I can. I can talk to people, tell them it’s not true. That I never slept with her.”
“Do me a favour Fives, when you get to Coruscant, I want you to take a feather filled pillow, go out to the open air, cut the pillow open and send the feathers floating all over Coruscant, then I want you to find each one of those feathers and collect them, so you have a full pillow again.”
“That’s impossible”
“So is restoring a reputation you destroyed by one senseless comment. Until you make it right with Jaina, I have no desire to be anywhere near you. To see you. To hear you. Much less smell you. Oh and for stars sake! Please! Get another cologne, the one you have smells like bantha fodder.”
Fives face fell, he didn’t know his words caused such harm, he remembered Jaina as being a sweet loving girl, he remembered when he did ask her out, she was all shy and adorable about it. Had he known what his words had done …
“I’m so sorry”
“Don’t apologize to me, go and apologize to Jaina. She’s the only one whose forgiveness you need. Until then leave me alone.”
Fives nodded, “As you wish.”
- - - - - - - -
“Come in!”
“Captain Rex”
“Fives”
“I need your help, sir”
“Sit down Fives, tell me what’s going on?”
Fives’ face was completely and utterly dejected, the fact he hurt someone, how his brothers and civilians had twisted his words, he doubted he could ever truly forgive himself.
“I made a huge mistake, and I don’t know how to fix it”
“Tell me what happened?”
“A few months back, I made a comment. Reflecting back it was stupid of me to say anything, but it hurt someone, and not just hurt them but ruined their name.”
“Jaina?”
Fives was shocked, “How?”
“I may not be at ‘79s all the time, but I’m there enough to hear some of the rumours, rumours that I’ve tried to quash.”
“Sir, I feel disgusted with myself. To know I caused someone that much pain, it wasn’t intentional. I just didn’t think ... the truth is at the time all I really cared about was my own reputation, and how I would stack against other clones, I never considered hers.”
“That is your first step to becoming a better man”
“Sir?”
“Recognizing how your words, and what you think of yourself can affect not just your brothers but those who give you the privilege of being in their lives.”
“How do I fix this sir?”
“Apologize to her directly. Then own up to your mistake. It’ll take time, but you are the one who put her in a dangerous situation, so it’s only fair that the burden of fixing this relies solely on you.”
“How? I’m lost, I don’t even know where to start?”
“I can’t answer that for you, only you can. Think if it were you, how would you want someone to fix your reputation? Or maybe ask Jaina directly?”
Fives simply nodded, the sheer weight of guilt was pressing down on him, it felt like the Resolute sat squarely on his shoulders.
“Sir, can I make an announcement tomorrow morning, during roll call?”
“I’m sure we can work something out”
- - - - - - - -
I stood in the hangar along with the other men and women, roll call was always the worst, I don’t know where they think we’re going to go, jettison ourselves into open space, so we’re not here anymore.
“Ladies and Gentlemen, we have a special request from one of our own, please pay attention to what he has to say” General Skywalker’s voice boomed through the hangar.
I was shocked to see Fives stand in front of the entire crew.
“As some of you know, I tend to talk a lot, never actually adding weight to any conversation.”
His eyes found mine amongst the crowd, “I was recently made aware that one of my idle conversations has actually caused pain to a fellow being … not just anyone, but a citizen of the Republic. A person who is truly genuine, honest, and has one of the kindest and sweetest souls you will ever meet. However, this person’s good name was ruined, when my thoughtless words were twisted and the implication became that Jaina Avan would sleep with anyone for money. That is far from the truth.”
Fives took a deep breath, his eyes had been roaming the hangar, making his words stick to every man and woman present, when they found mine again.
“In fact, Jaina and I never slept together, because of my insecurity, my pride, my own selfishness, I lied about the true nature of our relationship. I destroyed the reputation of one of the sweetest people I have ever met. I was reminded not that long ago, that words once out there are almost impossible to be captured and returned to the owner. I am asking the help of the 501st to spread the truth of Jaina. She has been harassed by our brothers and civilians alike, forced to relocate to a safer residence and work because of my insensitive and thoughtless comment. I know this will not even begin to fix the damage I caused, but if I could ask you, my brothers, civilians who work with us, Captains, Commanders, General to keep telling people of her innocence, it could at least begin to heal the rift I caused.”
Fives moved away from being front and center, I was speechless, I never thought he …
“Men, women, Fives brings up an important point. Words are more dangerous than a blaster. A blaster has a safety switch” Rex followed, “your mouth doesn’t. Think before you speak, think how your words, your actions could affect not just your brothers but those who allow you the privilege of being in their lives. It only takes a joke, an ill timed sentence to destroy a reputation or corrupt a person's identity. Things happen, but be quick to fix it before it’s too late. Thank you Fives, for being courageous enough to own up to your mistake.”
“Well said Captain Rex” General Skywalker added, “Although Fives requested it, I’m making it an order. From this point forward, if anyone hears anything negative said about Jaina Avan, you are ordered to stop the negative talk and make the truth known. Tell your fellow brothers on other ships. Hopefully, if enough spread the truth about Jaina, the damage caused can be fully repaired. Any questions?”
“NO, SIR!” The hangar echoed with the multitude of voices.
“Dismissed!”
That was … I couldn’t even move, I just stood there speechless, I thought for sure when I spoke to Fives the other day, he wouldn’t even actually do anything about it. That he would just ignore my statement and move on to the next easy target. Maybe I had misjudged him.
I looked over to see Fives, standing by the Captain and General Skywalker both were in a deep discussion, but his eyes were solely locked on mine. I’m not sure how long we stood there, but I felt a hand on my shoulder, pulling me from my eye lock.
“Kix?” I said turning my head
“Hey mesh’la” I quickly turned to look at Fives again, but he was gone, “I think you really struck a chord with him”.
“I had no idea, my words … I was just thinking about Jaina, and all the crap she had gone through because of him. It never occurred to me that he’s just … that he made a mistake. I thought he was trying to get back at her because she ended the date.”
“Fives can sometimes come across like an idiot, but more often than not, it’s because he just doesn’t know how to deal with what he feels. We weren’t exactly raised with the best examples of kindness”
“I know” I shifted my eyes to the ground, “Maybe I should apologize?”
“No. Let him figure himself out first. You have nothing to apologize for, you were protecting your friend and rightly so.”
I nodded, I knew Kix had a point but I couldn’t help but feel this horrible sickening feel in the pit of my stomach.
“Come on, I’ll walk you to your shop”, Kix wrapped his arm around my shoulder and guided me to the shop.
- - - - - - - - - -
Two months later …
“Girl, I don’t even know how to explain it, he was … honestly, I don’t know what you did, but he’s a completely different man from the one I met.”
“I didn’t do anything, Jaina”
“Oh you did something, he never stopped talking about you. About pillows and feathers. About how he never meant to cause me pain. How he recorded a PSA for all the cruisers so they knew the truth. When he came to apologize, I thought for sure he was coming to ask me out for another date. But when I saw his face, my heart dropped. I thought maybe something happened to you. He was dressed in a dress uniform, when I invited him in, he got down on his knees begging for my forgiveness.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, like I said, I have no idea what you did. I told him I forgave him a long time ago, and that the new job was actually a lot better. Working in a bakery was calmer, the treats were better, so was the clientele, and I actually met my fiancé at the cafe. We ended up talking for a couple of hours, but he kept bringing you up.”
“Don’t know why, outside of that one conversation, we never really talked.”
“Listen, it’s not my place to say, but give him a chance. Like I said, the man I met all those months ago is gone. The man that showed up before me the other day, if I had met him that night instead of that shiny, I would gladly be engaged to this new Fives. He clearly thinks very highly of you.”
“When will you give up trying to fix my love life?”
“Until you're happy. So…. Never!”
“Ha, fair enough. I’m glad you’re happy. I’m also relieved that he apologized.”
“I love you, you know that!”
“I do, hence why you’re my best friend”
“For life!”
I chuckled at her sweetness, she was always the better of the two of us, always ready to forgive, always trying to think the best of people.
“I’ll be home in a few rotations, we’re set to leave soon, as soon as I’m back we’re going out for dinner and drinks!”
“You better be staying with me, when you get back and not at the barracks!”
“I don’t want to cramp your style”
“Girl, shut up! I’ll meet you at the docking platform, just tell me the time and day, and what platform, and I’ll be there.”
“Okay, take care love”
“You too, say hi to Fives for me.”
“Ha, I will”
Hmmm, I’ll be … I had no idea about the PSAs, I know Kix said Fives had been busy for a few days after the speech in the hangar, but didn’t go into further details and I didn’t bother asking more either. I saw how quickly everyone was to defend Jaina, pretty soon, it was known throughout the GAR, she was protected not just by the 501st but by every clone. They made it their personal mission to make sure her reputation was restored and to deal with anyone who disrespected her or said anything against her. I was so touched and impressed by their dedication to protect not just the universe but even just one citizen of the GAR.
- - - - - - - -
One month later …
“Excuse me”
I looked up from my data pad, while I sat in the mess hall, to see Fives standing beside my table, this was the first time since he found me in my shop, we had spoken, and the first time since the hangar speech, that we had even seen each other.
“Fives, … um, hi” I was speechless, I don’t know why, but seeing how hard he worked to restore Jaina’s reputation within such a short time, how he did it without regard to his own reputation, was … alright I’ll admit it to myself, it was sweet, and definitely pulled at my heartstrings.
“May I join you?”
I simply nodded, still holding the spoon that had some of the food from my plate, by my lips. I’m sure my face was shocked. It took me a minute before I realized I had the spoon resting on my bottom lip. I laid it on the dish before me.
“How …”
“I didn’t …”
We both started. We both ended up chuckling.
“Please, you go first” Fives offered. He was so polite, a true gentleman and hadn’t even tried to call me those horrible pet names, he always tried to use on me.
“I just wanted to say, I didn’t get a chance to thank you for what you did for Jaina.” I couldn’t look at him, when I said this, “I also didn’t get a chance to apologize, although I was defending my friend, and I don’t regret that, I think I could have handled that better. I was harsh that day, what I said was cruel, and rude. I was just so angry, an anger that had been building up over time, and knowing what my best friend, who’s like my sister, had to go through, I … I’m sorry my words hurt you, and for treating you with such disrespect.”
Fives reached forward to grab my hand, but then stopped himself and pulled back.
“Mesh’la” I looked up at him, when he said that, “There is nothing you have to apologize for, you had every right to be angry on behalf of your sister. The way I treated her, not just her but how I treated women in the past, I was incredibly insensitive, selfish and thoughtless and I deserved to feel every ounce of your anger.
“Honestly, I never knew my words could hurt someone so deeply” Fives looked away from me, “I might never have known or learned what it really meant to be a gentleman, had it not been for you.” Fives look back at me, “We were trained to be soldiers, to be respectful, but the truth is no one really cared. As long as we could hit our targets, that’s all that mattered. I may yet have been the jerk that treated your best friend the way I did, if not for you, dearest, and most beautiful cyar’ika.”
I was shocked, my face felt heated, I had no doubt, my face was bright red, from the blush forming, “I had no idea, my words hit that hard, or that they resonated so deeply.”
“I don’t doubt that, you thought I was a complete jerk with no true feelings. After that day in your shop, I vowed from that day forward I would be the man you deserve, if …” he looked back at his food, “if you’ll have me. If you can’t look at me that way, I understand and I’ll be grateful just to be your friend. I need you in my life cyar’ika, however you will let me be in it.”
I reached forward and held his hand rubbing his knuckles.
“I think I would like to get to know you better, Fives. After all this is the first time I’m meeting you.” He focused on my eyes, “I met this halfwit of a man that kind of looked like you once, a few months ago he had stopped into my shop, stumbling over his own words not realizing the damage he caused. However, that man is nothing compared to the gentleman and soldier before me.”
Fives’ smile grew, “Good, because that ninny of a man died that day in your shop. He’ll never come back. I buried that knucklehead where no one will find him.”
I laughed, “Hopefully you have a good alibi, would hate to see you get carted off to prison”.
“Would you visit if I did?” He asked squeezing my hand
I squeezed back, “As often as I could”
“I guess there’s only one thing left to figure out”
“What’s that?”
“Where do you wanna go on our first date?”
Fives and I sat there in the mess hall, completely lost in each other's eyes, not noticing Kix from a nearby table smiling ear to ear, “What’s got you so happy, Kix?”
“Them” motioned Kix, Rex turned to look and saw us, he let out a chuckle, “She really is something, isn’t she?”
“You’re telling me, Rex. I never thought Fives would get his act together for anyone. I’m glad he did it for her though. She’s the best thing to happen to this universe”
“You got that right, vod”