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Glee club has been going well… all things considered.
Including the fact that Quinn’s crush on Tina only grows, that Rachel Berry still doesn’t seem to warm up to her and Kurt’s presence in the choir room, that the teacher really kind of sucks and apparently only Kurt and Quinn see it, that most of the other members are still wary around them - around Quinn.
But not Tina. Tina, who’s one of the most popular girls in school, not actually head of the Cheerios but probably the most well-liked, and there’s a reason for that. Tina is the first to welcome her and Kurt to the glee club after their audition, the first to make an effort to befriend them. She talks to Kurt about fashion, and Kurt is hesitant to bring down his facade but Quinn can tell how much he loves it, how much he’s missed talking about something that brings him so much joy. Even with his temporary and purposely limited wardrobe situation, he’s talked Quinn’s ear off about the things he wants to do and wear in New York City; she doesn’t understand much of it so she’s glad Tina does.
And she talks to Quinn. Tina actually talks to Quinn like… like she’s a person, just another student at this school, not Quinn Fabray, half of the coldest and most closed-off duo that walks the halls, ex-most popular girl in school; Quinn Fabray with an unspeakable history - unspeakable in that Quinn will have consequences for those who speak about it.
It’s dramatic, she knows. But it’s part of her untouchable image at this piece of shit school with its horrible students.
Not Tina. Tina’s not horrible.
(Get a grip, Fabray.)
It feels like she and Kurt are on the edge of a precipice with glee club. Tina likes them, Blaine is nice enough to them (Kurt seems to like him, too) and so are Mercedes and Sam, Rachel isn’t very welcoming, everyone else mostly ignores them. (Which is fine - preferable, really.)
They sway in the back, they sing, they do their part. And Quinn has missed singing, so it’s not all bad, she supposes.
But Quinn can feel the tension, the others’ hesitation whenever she and Kurt walk in to sit in the back, their unspoken thoughts, loud in their silence, their barely hidden sideways glances.
She feels like she’ll tumble from the edge with one push.
One day, Tina sits beside Quinn and she can’t stop her slight jump of surprise. Tina just shoots her a small smile and moves her chair a bit further away, but Quinn finds herself wishing she would scoot the other way instead.
Tina keeps sitting by Quinn even after that, and Quinn has no idea why.
She ignores the way her heart speeds up a little every time she makes eye contact with Tina, the way Kurt smirks knowingly at her but then returns to staring at the back of Blaine Anderson’s head, the way she can’t stop letting her eyes wander over to Tina every time Mr. Schuester starts talking about something she has no interest in (which she admits is very often).
Kurt had said glee would give her the chance to talk to Tina. And he was right - she’s made conversation with Tina multiple times (mostly initiated by Tina, though), and she would say they’re friends. Tina has said they’re friends and she definitely didn’t freak out to Kurt about it.
Kurt she called me her friend holy shit -
Inside voice, honey. Your gay is showing.
Shut - we’re literally outside. Let’s talk about you and Blaine.
Nope, fuck you, walking away now.
Kurt - wait! She - but she called me her friend - Kurt -
Besides Kurt, Tina is probably the person she’s closest to. Which still doesn’t say much - she’s not close to anyone besides Kurt…
But she wants to be, she thinks as she watches Tina perform an upbeat solo, a song she doesn’t recognize, but she watches her - how alive she looks, how good she sounds. It’s not like Quinn hasn’t heard her sing in the months since she’s joined; if she had it her way, Tina would be the only one singing in this entire group. (Tina would insist on highlighting others, though, so Quinn adds herself and Kurt to that list. Not that they would ever get a solo.)
“All right, guys,” Mr. Schuester says. Kurt nudges Quinn with his elbow to get her to pay attention, and she shoots him a half-hearted glare.
“So that was everyone who signed up to audition for a solo at regionals,” he continues. “I’ll let you know who we’re featuring by tomorrow. See you then!”
“Who do you think is gonna get it?” Kurt asks as they leave, walking out to the parking lot.
“Um…”
“Right, I forgot, you’re too busy staring at Tina to know what’s going on in glee.”
Quinn scoffs. “I know what’s going on in glee.”
Kurt gives her a questioning look.
“I do! Sure, I didn’t know about the auditions, but I know Rachel’s probably getting the solo, even though it should go to Tina.”
“Anyone could tell you that. Ask, even like, Azimio and he'd tell you that.”
Quinn shoves Kurt lightly, a smile spreading across her face as they get into his car. Quinn’s been spending more time at Kurt’s lately - Quinn’s parents don’t give a fuck about her - they did the bare minimum allowing her to stay when she was pregnant and they’ve used up all their good parenting cards, it seems. She’s infinitely grateful for Burt Hummel, because if the kids and some of the teachers at school are going to treat her and Kurt like shit, at least there’s someone in their corner.
Completely unsurprisingly, Mr. Schuester announces Rachel as the soloist for regionals the next day, after years of the exact same thing, from what Quinn has heard.
Surprisingly, Tina isn’t in the room. Although, Quinn thinks, she wouldn’t be either if she knew what the outcome was going to be. And everyone knew what the outcome was going to be.
But Mercedes pushes back against Mr. Schuester's decision anyway, Santana complains, Blaine and Brittany try to placate, Kurt watches Blaine, Rachel jabbers about her destiny as the New Directions soloist or something, Quinn sits and wonders about the empty chair next to her. (She also wonders what would be the easiest way to get Rachel to shut the fuck up.)
She’s not paying attention, letting everyone’s arguing fade into the background. She barely registers as Rachel says shrilly, “We’re supposed to be a family!”
“Not much of a family when you’re the only one who can have anything good!” Mercedes snaps.
“I bet you wouldn’t react like this if Kurt or Quinn got the solo! Like they would even deserve it! At least I belong here, they don’t even - ”
“Would you shut - ” Mercedes starts at the same time Santana yells back tauntingly, “Quinn doesn’t need a family, she’s a mother!”
And she knows - Quinn knows - that Santana just does this, she says shit and hurts people and this is just that and it’s not even about her right now and it's whatever but -
Suddenly Quinn is in sophomore year again, hearing the taunts of her classmates behind her back and to her face. Suddenly she’s in sophomore year again, somehow invisible in the halls but also the only person anyone was looking at, pointing at, laughing at. She’s in sophomore year again and teachers do nothing to help her, no one but Kurt bothers to notice anything but the fact that she’s pregnant. And they laugh, and they taunt, and they stare.
She’s a mother.
There it is. There’s the edge of the cliff that she has been fighting for balance on in this stupid club for months.
Like they would even deserve it.
They don’t belong here.
And Quinn’s falling.
“I need to go, meet you at your car,” she says roughly to Kurt, who it seems hasn’t been paying attention at all, more focused on committing to memory the details of Blaine Anderson from halfway across the room. Quinn runs out and the arguing continues behind her.
Quinn slams the door to the bathroom as she barges in and all at once, sees that Tina is here (Tina is here?), realizes that she herself is crying, trying not to make noise and she just throws her bag on the floor and sinks down against a wall, hands around her knees and head leaned back. It’s too fucking much.
“Quinn?” Tina asks gently, so gently and Quinn watches as Tina kneels down in front of her. “Are you okay?”
Quinn wipes at her face, laughing harshly. “Yeah. Fine.”
Tina looks at her, not moving but just watching her. Quinn thinks it must be uncomfortable for her to kneel on the bathroom floor in her Cheerios outfit. Quinn thinks that Tina shouldn’t care about her, she should just leave, save her knees from the cold tile.
She doesn’t leave.
After a moment, Tina says, “Hey, so, you don’t have to tell me anything… but I’m here if you need to.”
Quinn’s not actively crying anymore, grey smudges on her fingers where her makeup was wiped off. Her face probably looks like a nightmare, but she’s too exhausted to care. She leans her head back again and fixes her gaze just above Tina’s head, at the ceiling, the harsh bathroom lights piercing her vision through the tears in her eyes.
“I just - ” I guess I’m talking, she thinks, “Santana said something dumb about me being a mother and that’s what I heard sneered at me every day for months and even now still… and I’m not…”
Quinn trails off, looking at Tina again who nods, encouraging her to continue. She swallows and averts her gaze again.
“…and Rachel said something dumb about Kurt and I not belonging and not deserving it but she’s Rachel and I don’t care about the shit she says - I usually don’t. But her saying that - ” she scoffs. “Newsflash, Rachel, we don’t fucking belong anywhere.”
That was painfully made obvious sophomore year, with Quinn’s exit from the Cheerios and from popularity. It was obvious when no matter what, she couldn’t get it back, any of it. It was obvious when she and Kurt were the only ones to really notice each other and help each other. It was obvious when the only choice they had, the one they took, was becoming this and isolating themselves. It was obvious when the only chance they had was each other.
As if she needs someone else to tell her that, to rub it in.
It’s been building up, she realizes, this feeling, the hatred, the estrangement and isolation. She wonders if Kurt feels the same, how close he is to the edge, or if he’s even on a precipice like she is at all.
Quinn’s falling, she doesn’t know when or how it will end and she just wants -
“Lie to me,” she says to Tina, teeth clenched and voice tired. “I don’t care what you say, just lie to me. Make me feel okay again.”
Falling, falling, falling -
Quinn thinks bitterly that she should be used to it after her falls from popularity.
Tina nudges her fingers and, meeting no resistance, takes her hands gently and squeezes them in reassurance. “I know this might just seem like words, and I’m not lying - you do belong. Both of you. You belong in glee club. You belong here.”
Quinn just swallows again, letting the words wash over her, and in the back of her mind, the part that’s not thinking about - everything, she marvels at the fact that Tina is holding her hands, and Tina’s skin is soft, and Tina’s words and actions feel genuine.
Falling… slowing.
Lie to me.
“We don’t belong. Everyone hates us,” Quinn mutters.
“I don’t,” Tina says, smiling a little. “I know we can be pretty difficult, the glee club, but we really don’t think that. Rachel might - if I’m being honest, I think she’s the one who doesn’t belong in glee club, for a multitude of reasons - but it really is supposed to be a safe, welcoming space. I’m really sorry we haven’t been able to do that for you.”
Quinn shrugs. “You have,” she admits softly.
Tina looks like she doesn’t know what to say to that and Quinn's heart pounds. She pushes herself up against the wall, a little awkwardly, hands still intertwined with Tina’s, who squeezes again. “I’ll talk to her,” Tina says. “Rachel. I’ve been getting fed up with her shit, anyway. I don't know what's going on with her lately, I’ve been needing to talk to her.”
“Okay,” is all Quinn can think to say, quietly uttered, her voice a little choked. “You don’t have to - ”
“No, I do,” Tina says. “And I want to. Mr. Schue still lets her get away with way too much.”
Quinn huffs a laugh and Tina grins slightly, then withdraws her hands and tightens her ponytail, suddenly looking almost nervous. Quinn drops her hands in her lap and plays with her rings. Now that Quinn’s calmed down, her proximity-to-Tina-Cohen-Chang-induced nerves are back in full force.
And maybe she isn’t falling anymore.
“Why weren’t you there today?” she asks after a moment.
Tina’s lips clench into a flat line. “Knew Rachel was getting the solo. I don’t know, I just - didn’t want to deal with it today, you know? Three years of the same shit, I’m just tired of it.”
Quinn hums in understanding. She can imagine.
“Are you okay? What do you say we… get out of here? Go somewhere?” Tina asks a little awkwardly, wincing slightly as she stands up and extends a hand for Quinn. She takes it and lets Tina pull her up.
“I’m actually… going home with Kurt, ” - but going somewhere with Tina - Kurt will understand - “actually, yeah, sure. I’ll let him know,” Quinn answers, not letting herself doubt the decision, pulling her phone from her pocket and quickly typing out a text and sending it to Kurt, who immediately responds.
omg did u actually talk and get a date with tina cohen chang
Quinn replies, no i didn't fuck you i’m leaving bye
are you okay?
yeah, fine i’ll talk to you later
ok have fun on your date ;)
yeah 🖕
Tina bounces a little and shoots her a smile when she puts her phone away. “Awesome. There’s this coffee shop that I think you’ll love - ”
“It’s not the Lima Bean, is it?”
Tina laughs. “Of course not. Barely anyone knows about this place, at least from school, so I really love going there.”
Tina grabs Quinn’s hand again and they head out of the school, Quinn ignoring how she can feel her pounding heartbeat against Tina’s skin. Hopefully Tina doesn’t notice.