Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

“You’re sparing me?” Sans hadn’t expected that to work. By this point, it was more a respite from the exertion of the fight than a serious attempt to win. The human must know what he was up to. They’d played out this scenario before. Had they forgotten? Did they think it would go differently if they repeated it?

“Wait,” said the human. “Before you spring your trap. I want to talk to you.”

“I’m listening.”

“Let’s make a deal.”

Sans waited for them to elaborate.

“You do what I say, and I won’t hurt Papyrus. I’ll reset, and I’ll never hurt or kill him again.”

Sans tried not to react. “And what do you want me to do?”

“Anything I say.”

“Oh, this is an ongoing type of deal. As soon as I fail to follow an order you’ll go back on your half of the deal too.”

The human poked the tip of their knife into their fingertip, not hard enough to draw blood. “Something like that. But just think of it as an incentive to keep your side of the bargain.”

Sans sighed. “No deal. Even if I could agree to it, you’d just get bored eventually anyway. And who knows what you’d make me do in the mean time?”

“So what? If it’s all going to be reset, what does it matter what you do?”

Sans looked at the child. There was no physical evidence of how twisted and hardened they’d become, except the lingering dust from this round of genocide and some cuts and scuffs they’d acquired in the process. “You and I would know about it.”

“All right, I’ll sweeten the deal. I promise not to ask you to kill anyone, so you can save your brother and keep your hands clean. And this isn’t a sex thing, either, if you were worried about that. I’m just a kid, y’know.” The human grinned.

“But you’ll still kill people.” Sans was concerned that he was ceding ground by trying to argue instead of just declining the offer outright. But even a respite from seeing Papyrus die was tempting at this point.

“I’m not gonna promise that I won’t kill anyone,” the human admitted. “But consider the alternative.”

“Carrot didn’t work so you’re bringing out the stick?”

“Yeah, you could say that.” The human smirked and reset.

***

“I got here as fast as I could.” The human said with the same smirk that Sans hadn’t been able to forget since the reset. There was dust on them, but not as much as last time they’d emerged from the ruins. The fastest way out had probably been to dust Toriel but ignore most of the other monsters…

“What are you gonna do?” Sans had fought the human here before, in other timelines, and it hadn’t achieved anything in the long run. But the human had already broken from the usual script, and in light of their exchange in the judgement hall, he didn’t want to lead them on toward Papyrus.

“Show you what happens when you don’t accept my deal,” the human answered cheerfully.

They had gotten really good at dodging his Gaster Blasters. But they hadn’t had a chance to level up like they had before the judgement hall, so it only took a couple hits. Killing them only prolonged the battle though, as they reset and resumed their attack. Sans’s physical energy was replenished too, but mentally it was draining and he didn’t have a chance to catch his breath.

It caught up with him, and the stick the human wielded tore through him as effectively as the knife.

***

He found himself standing in front of the ruins. Oh—he’d been reset. But to when? Looking around, he reasoned that he was waiting for the human to come out of the ruins. Yes—this was just before he’d fought the human. He tried not to think about what might have happened in that timeline after he was dead.

The door to the ruins scraped open and the human peeked out. “It’s no fun if you’re not there to see it, silly!”

Sans had a good idea what the human was talking about. He just hoped the human had reset immediately and not bothered to actually kill Papyrus just to taunt him about it now.

The human stepped out into the snow, smiling mysteriously. “What does it matter if he dies in one more timeline you weren’t even around to experience?” Apparently they’d guessed his thoughts.

Sans glared at them.

“Shall we continue? This time I bet I’ll last long enough for your brother to hear the commotion and show up.”

Sans had been trying not to think about that. If Papyrus arrived on the scene, he wasn’t at all sure he could protect him. Or even if the human didn’t attack him, they could decide to play innocent. But if he just waited, the human would meet Papyrus anyway, fresh and ready to fight and appearing completely innocuous. If Papyrus had seen them fighting, at least that might give him some doubts about the human. “Fine by me,” he answered, summoning a row of bones to attack the human from behind.

***

“SANS! WHAT’S GOING ON?”

“Papyrus, stay back! They’re dangerous!”

Sans tried to herd the human away from his brother with his attacks.

“WHAT ARE THOSE?”

Papyrus didn’t know about his Gaster Blasters. Sans grimaced as his brother stopped in his tracks.

“Never mind, Paps, just watch out for the human!”

“A HUMAN??”

That got his attention, but not in the way Sans wanted.

“YOU’RE FIGHTING A HUMAN? SANS, THAT SOUNDS TOO DANGEROUS FOR YOU. LET THE GREAT PAPYRUS HANDLE THIS!”

“No, Paps, you don’t realize—”

***

“Shit.” In his desperation to get his brother to understand how much danger he was in, Sans had gotten too distracted to protect himself.

Seeing him dusted must have demonstrated the point nicely.

He had a while to imagine what might have happened after that as he waited for the human to come out of the ruins again.

“Sorry, I got carried away,” the human said brightly as they pushed open the door. “Papyrus was right there! But I killed you first.” They laughed at their mistake. “I guess I just couldn’t resist when I saw you were vulnerable. Force of habit.”

“Yeah, well, you won’t get far enough to repeat it.” Sans wasn’t as confident as he sounded. His only hope was that the human got bored of fighting him, and then where would they be?

He was right, though—at least for that timeline. The human had to reset several more times before they were able to drag the fight out long enough for Papyrus to show up again. It didn’t feel like any kind of victory, though, as the resets when the human died barely provided any respite from the battle.

“SANS! WHAT’S GOING ON?”

Sans tried to herd the human away from his brother using only bone attacks.

“Fighting a human, bro. Don’t worry, I got this.” He had to take a different tack than the last time.

“I HAD NO IDEA YOU COULD SUMMON SO MANY ATTACKS AT ONCE!” Papyrus seemed impressed.

“Yeah, I never knew I had it in me either.” This must be some kind of personal record, as he poured everything into bone attacks, not wanting to distract his brother with the revelation of his blasters.

“FEAR NOT, BROTHER! THE GREAT PAPYRUS WILL HELP YOU CAPTURE THE HUMAN!”

That actually might not be a bad idea. Papyrus wouldn’t finish the human off—he could defeat the human without triggering a reset. And between the two of them, they might survive the battle.

After that—well, the kid could reset or keep looking for a chance to kill Papyrus, so they wouldn’t be any better off than they had been in countless timelines before. But he could think about that if they got that far.

He focused on herding the human and let Papyrus do the actual attacking. It was easy to hit the human when Sans had them trapped between rows of bones. But after a few volleys Sans noticed that the human was managing to dodge most of Papyrus’s attacks.

“Bro? Don’t go easy on ‘em, okay? They may not look it but they’re dangerous.”

“SANS, I DON’T THINK IT SUITS THE GREAT PAPYRUS TO FIGHT A HUMAN TWO-ON-ONE. WHY DON’T YOU LET ME TAKE OVER?”

“Papyrus, listen to me. It’s more important right now to make sure the human gets captured than to fight fair.”

“FIGHTING FAIR IS ALWAYS IMPORTANT!”

Sans grimaced. He would have liked to agree, but keeping both of them alive was a much higher priority for him. Besides, Papyrus didn’t understand the advantages the human had over them…

“Paps, please, just—”

“I surrender!” the human interrupted.

Sans stared. Well, that was convenient—right? The human must have figured they’d be captured eventually at this rate, and might as well skip having their HP whittled down to one. Capturing them had been Sans’s immediate goal, but if the human let it happen so easily, he couldn’t trust that it was a good thing.

“SEE, SANS? THE HUMAN IS NO MATCH FOR THE TWO OF US TOGETHER.” Papyrus smiled at him as if there was nothing to worry about.

“Papyrus, listen, don’t underestimate them. You don’t know what humans are capable of.”

“OH, SANS, WHY ARE YOU WORRYING SO MUCH? WHAT DID A HUMAN EVER DO TO YOU?”

Sans laughed humorlessly as Papyrus walked up to the human, still surrounded by the bone attacks Sans hadn’t dismissed.

“SANS, GET THESE BONES OUT OF THE WAY SO I CAN CAPTURE THEM PROPERLY.”

Sans hesitated, directing a stern glare at the human, who was looking pathetic and innocent. He dismissed the bones.

“GREETINGS, HUMAN. I AM THE GREAT PAPYRUS.”

The human flopped backwards onto the snow.

“YOU MUST BE TIRED FROM OUR BATTLE.” Papyrus gave Sans a sidelong glance. “IT MAY NOT HAVE BEEN VERY FAIR OF US TO TEAM UP AGAINST YOU LIKE THAT.”

Sans was too busy being ready to summon more bones at a moment’s notice to argue.

“CAN YOU WALK?” Papyrus seemed doubtful about the correct procedure for capturing a human, now that it came down to it.

The human didn’t answer but stretched out their arms toward the skeleton.

“OH, SHOULD I CARRY YOU?”

“Paps, wait.” Sans didn’t feel comfortable having his brother in such close contact with the human. “I’ll do it.”

“NONSENSE, BROTHER, THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS EASILY STRONG ENOUGH TO CARRY A HUMAN. YOU CAN’T EVEN CARRY YOUR SOCK INTO YOUR ROOM.”

Sans hurried towards the pair, but before he could get close Papyrus had leaned down and scooped up the human, letting them sit in his arms and hold onto his shoulders and scarf.

“SEE? SUCH A SMALL HUMAN IS NO BURDEN TO THE GREAT PAPYRUS.”

The human turned to smile at Sans, who froze, one hand beginning to reach for his brother.

“NOW WHAT SHOULD—”

The human was still holding the stick.

Sans began to summon a Gaster Blaster positioned very precisely to pick off the human without frying his brother.

The human stabbed the stick into Papyrus’s neck.

It wouldn’t have been enough to kill him under normal circumstances. But the human’s intent to kill was strong and Papyrus’s guard was down. They landed nimbly as Papyrus’s body collapsed, dust spilling across the snow beneath his armor and his still-intact skull.

Sans had heard his brother’s final words in a lot of timelines.

Sometimes he was surprised he’d lost the battle to the human. Other times he used his last breath to plead with the human to make better choices. This time he hadn’t even been in battle.

“WHAT—WAS IT A TRICK? SANS, YOU—”

Sans dropped to his knees and the world reset.

Chapter Text

“Ready to do it again?”

Sans stood there for a moment, not looking at the human. “I guess I don’t have much choice.”

“You’re the one who keeps starting a fight.” The human shook their head in mock disappointment.

“You’re the one who’s determined to kill my brother.”

The human shrugged, smiling as if Sans were pointing out some lovable foible of theirs.

It took a few resets for Papyrus to show up again. This time the human was very persistent in resisting Sans’s efforts to keep them away from Papyrus.

“SANS! WHAT’S GOING ON?”

Sans was concentrating too hard to answer, but the human still slipped between the bones somehow, taking damage but not letting it slow them down.

Papyrus wasn’t helpless. He threw up a wall of his own bone attacks to block the human, but the human barged through those as well.

“Papyrus, it’s a human! And they’re hostile!”

Maybe Papyrus could hold the human at bay long enough for Sans to aim a blaster. The human hadn’t gained much LV—they’d hurried through the ruins to get to Sans, hadn’t they? 

But the human was determined. 

Why did they always go for the neck?

Why wasn’t Sans jaded to his brother’s death by now?

***

“Had enough?”

The human broke the silence between them. They were standing outside the ruins again, the snow once more undisturbed by bones or laser blasts.

Sans let the silence drag out again. There were things he hadn’t tried yet. Something could go differently this time. But would fighting serve any purpose? When he killed the human, it just prolonged the fight. He couldn’t keep it up forever. At the end of the fighting, the best outcome he could hope for was that the human would still be waiting to get close to Papyrus.

“Yeah,” he finally answered. “I’m getting tired of fighting.”

The human laughed. “You’ve fought me longer than that before. Am I wearing you down?”

Sans laughed too, but with less amusement. “Nah, kid, I just don’t see the point of fighting right now.”

“You don’t mind if I go see Papyrus then?”

“Sure, you can see him. Look with your eyes, not with your stick.”

“Why should I listen to you?”

Sans paused. “Well, kid, it seems like you want something from me.”

“You got me there. That’s why I’m showing you what happens when you don’t go along with my ideas. It’s funny; anyone else I would have to try different things until I figured out how to manipulate them into doing what I wanted. But you know what’s going on, so I can just ask.” They punctuated the thought with a bright smile, as if that was a great compliment.

“You got a funny way of asking.”

The human ignored that remark and set off toward the bridge. Sans followed, having second thoughts about letting the human proceed, knowing their intentions.

***

“SANS, IT’S BEEN EIGHT DAYS AND YOU HAVEN’T—IS THAT A HUMAN?”

Sans looked from his brother to the human, who hadn’t bothered to hide behind the lamp. “Yeah, I guess it is.”

“AT LAST! PREPARE TO BE CAPTURED BY ME, THE GREAT PAPYRUS! NYEH HEH HEH HEH HEH! THAT IS, IF YOU CAN MAKE IT PAST MY INGENIOUS TRAPS!”

The taller skeleton turned to beat the human to the first puzzle and make sure it was properly calibrated before they arrived.

The human turned to smile at Sans before following after him.

“I’ll catch up to ya,” Sans assured them as he turned to take a shortcut. But maybe he could keep Papyrus safe by just avoiding him? If the human wanted Sans to see his brother die, they couldn’t kill him if Sans wasn’t there.

It was worth a shot. Sans wandered aimlessly into the snowy forest.

It wasn’t that long before the resets started. The human must have been able to save after they parted ways, and was now looking for him since he hadn’t shown up.

Sans leaned against a convenient tree. He was far enough from the sentry station and the lamp that the human wouldn’t find him right away, and it wasn’t worth the effort to keep going when the human could reset him back here whenever they wanted. At least they were spending their time looking for him rather than tormenting Papyrus. Probably.

“There you are! I knew you couldn’t have gotten far.” The long search didn’t seem to have dampened the human’s enthusiasm, when they finally appeared. It had been only five or ten minutes in linear time but probably at least an hour of subjective time. “It’s no fun if you don’t play along, you know. Did you think that if you weren’t there I wouldn’t hurt him?”

“Maybe I just can’t be bothered to provide you with an audience.” Sans leaned against his chosen tree nonchalantly.

“You think that’ll stop me? You think I can’t come up with a way to make things worse for him, if you insist on making it difficult for me?” The human laughed. “Well, I just wanted to let you know. If you won’t play along, I’ll have to entertain myself with your brother for a while.”

“Knock yourself out, kid. At least I won’t have to see it.”

The human left again. Sans tried not to imagine what the kid was doing to Papyrus as he weighed his options. Would the kid get tired of tormenting Papyrus and move on to tormenting everyone else? They’d still be caught in the cycle but they’d be no worse off than before the kid decided to force Sans to agree to their deal. That would be a small victory, right?

They would probably have killed Papyrus at least a few dozen times before that happened. Sans told himself it didn’t matter, it would just be reset. Papyrus wouldn’t remember. He wouldn’t be affected at all. Sans wouldn’t have seen it, even if he had a good idea it had happened. He might feel bad about letting it happen, but it wasn’t as if there weren’t already plenty of timelines where he had stood by and let Papyrus die.

The next reset didn’t come for a long time. Sans was relieved in a way when it did, because whatever the human had been doing to Papyrus was over. Immediately after the reset, the human would still be on the way to meet him, so he was safe.

The resets continued at less regular intervals than when the human had been looking for Sans. Sans preferred the shorter ones.

This one was a long one. It must have been an hour since the last reset. Sans couldn’t imagine what the kid was doing. Maybe they were just taking their time so that Sans would imagine the worst. Maybe when the reset finally came, he could take a shortcut to get to Papyrus first, and take him away and hide. It would only buy them time—the kid would find them just as sure as they’d found Sans in the forest. But at this point what more could he hope for than buying time?

The kid would reset, he realized. And after every reset he’d have to repeat the process of getting to Papyrus and then getting both of them to a hiding place. It would take a long time for the kid to find them, especially if he varied the hiding places, but it would be exhausting. And the kid wouldn’t have to look for them every time. They could reset as many times as it took until Sans was too tired to keep it up.

A reset interrupted his train of thought. Finally that particular run-through was over with. Sans leaned against the tree again. He wasn’t going to try anything in this run-through either. There would be more resets, more chances if he convinced himself that taking Papyrus into hiding was a good idea after all. He closed his eyes and thought back to happier timelines, when they had spent years on the surface or just had a good time with a friendlier version of the human here in the Underground.

“Hey, lazybones!” The human’s voice was an unwelcome interruption.

“I thought I’d come fill you in on what you’ve been missing,” they continued, all smiles.

Sans summoned a Gaster Blaster.

“Don’t think you can stop me,” the human giggled, dodging expertly. “It might take longer but I can talk and fight at the same time.”

“I’ve rested up a bit since the ruins,” Sans said, even though it had been a long time since he hadn’t felt exhausted down to his marrow.

“Okay, have it your way.” The human didn’t bother with attacking, using the gaps between Sans’s attacks to continue talking instead. “So, you can probably guess I’m not able to do much in terms of physical torture. I can kill, sure, but I haven’t come up with a way to hold him down and take him apart bone by bone while he’s still alive. It’s an idea, though! I’m sure I can come up with something eventually. I do have all the time I need—Ouch. I guess talking and fighting at the same time is a bit distracting, but don’t worry, I’ll still tell you everything.”

Sans escalated his offense. It didn’t seem like he had to worry about defense, and if the human did kill him, they’d just reset immediately to keep torturing him.

“So I’ve been focusing on words a lot. Not exclusively, of course—I still killed him every time in the end. Wow, is it just me or is your aim getting sloppier? Anyway, can you guess what is the most effective thing I’ve found so far? Go on, take a guess.”

Sans answered by caging the human in with blue attacks and firing a blaster.

“Aw, you’re no fun. Well, first I tried showing him the light about how other people see him—you know how desperate he is to be popular and have lots of friends. It’s so pathetic!” The human started laughing and kept on laughing until it interfered with their dodging and a bone attack nicked them. “And I told him about how Undyne is just humoring him. He’s never going to get into the Royal Guard. You know it’s true. Even in the good endings, the Royal Guard is disbanded. Well, I guess I could arrange it by killing all the current members so that they’re desperate for replacements. Do you think he’d like that? Maybe after we’re done with your stubbornness I can do that for him.”

Sans didn’t answer except with two interlacing rows of bone attacks.

“Answer with your words, not with your bones, Sans,” the human scolded. “Anyway, those both got pretty good reactions. And I told him nobody likes his cooking. It’s true, you can’t deny it! That’s what makes it so easy. I don’t have to lie at all to hurt him. But that still wasn’t the best one. Maybe I shouldn’t tell you this part. But I said I’d tell you everything, so it’d be just like you were there yourself!

“The best way to hurt him…is you!” the human revealed with delight, easily sidestepping another wave of bone attacks. “It wasn’t as easy as that, though. I tried telling him you hated him, but he didn’t believe me. I’m starting to think it’s easier to hurt people with the truth than with a lie. So I told him how tired you are of his antics—that’s at least a little true, isn’t it? And it’s believable, since you didn’t show up to help with his puzzles like you said you would.

“But do you know what? That wasn’t what hurt him the most.” The human stood still for a moment, clutching their hands dramatically over their heart. “It’s that you don’t trust him! You haven’t told him what’s going on. Not that I can blame you. It would be super boring to explain this to that simpleton again after every reset. And you have other secrets from him, too, don’t you? He was surprised to see those big laser skulls you use.”

“What, these?” Sans summoned four of them and their beams converged on the human. And the world reset.

Chapter Text

“I think the human has to be holding the orb,” Sans suggested, taking it from Papyrus with an uncharacteristic burst of speed. He tossed it across the electric maze to the human, to prevent Papyrus from inadvertently revealing the maze’s solution.

Though the kid had probably memorized the path through the maze by now anyway.

The human let the orb hit them and bounce into the snow, then fell over with a dramatic “Ouch!”

“HUMAN, ARE YOU ALL RIGHT? SANS, WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST HAND IT TO THEM?”

Papyrus walked to the edge of the maze and traversed the safe path to the other side, leaving clear footprints. Sans would have slapped his hand to his face in frustration if he’d felt up to it. “Bro, you don’t have to follow the path if you’re not holding the orb,” he said mostly to himself.

“HERE YOU GO, HUMAN.” Papyrus lifted the human back onto their feet and placed the orb in their hands.

“Thanks.” The human smiled up at him, sniffling.

“YOU’RE MOST WELCOME, HUMAN! ALLOW ME, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, TO APOLOGIZE FOR MY BROTHER THROWING THINGS AT YOU. IT’S REALLY NOT LIKE HIM TO EXPEND THAT MUCH ENERGY!” He glanced over his shoulder at Sans.

“Bro, was that really worse than getting electrocuted by the maze?”

“YES! THE MAZE HAS A CORRECT SOLUTION TO AVOID GETTING SHOCKED!”

“Which the human is supposed to find by trial and error, getting shocked about a dozen times in the process?”

“YES! THAT’S HOW THE MAZE WORKS.”

Sans might have been enjoying this under different circumstances, but right now the human being in close proximity to his brother was making him really nervous. “Just come back over here and let them try to solve it then.”

“Wait,” said the human, grabbing at Papyrus’s hand.

“WHAT IS IT, HUMAN?”

“Here.” They handed him the orb and then shoved him into the maze. 

“A SNEAK ATTACK! HOW COWARDLY!” Papyrus said when he had managed to step back onto the safe path. The electric shock wasn’t deadly, of course. But the emotional shock might be, in a way.

The human raised their weapon and lunged at him.

Sans hesitated. He’d known this would happen and he should have been prepared. But he wasted valuable milliseconds wondering what the point of fighting was. Papyrus’s body was dust before the Gaster Blaster had formed.

“FOR SOME REASON I THOUGHT HUMANS WOULD FIGHT MORE HONORABLY. NYEH HEH…”

Those were Papyrus’s last words this time.

The human looked up at Sans with the same confident smile they’d worn as they attacked. “Let’s try again,” they said, and reset.

***

Sans was back in the forest by his familiar leaning tree. The human wouldn’t come to collect him unless he didn’t show up at the electricity maze. He had a few minutes to spare, thanks to his shortcuts.

He leaned against the tree and slid down until he was sitting on the ground, face in his hands. Maybe he wouldn’t go. What was the point? The human wanted him to be there, so he wouldn’t. That was all he could do to resist. And if his brother died, at least he wouldn’t be there to see it. It didn’t matter anyway. None of it mattered.

He should use this time to think of a strategy, really, but he’d been thinking in circles the whole time the human had been verbally torturing Papyrus. He couldn’t think anymore. He couldn’t do anything.

“Wow, are you crying? It’s been a while since I’ve seen you cry.”

Sans looked up to the unwelcome sight of the human. And worse, they had Papyrus in tow.

“WOWIE, HUMAN! YOU FOUND HIM RIGHT AWAY! HOW DID YOU KNOW WHERE HE WAS?” The taller skeleton jogged a few steps to catch up with the human. “SANS? WHAT’S WRONG?” He stepped closer, leaning over his brother in concern.

Sans looked from his brother to the human, who was smiling triumphantly. “Papyrus, look out—”

The human attacked before he finished talking. Papyrus’s dust scattered over him, and any parting remarks his skull made were muffled by Sans’s jacket.

***

Sans didn’t move after the next reset. He collapsed to his knees where he was without bothering to move the few steps to the tree he’d leaned against all the previous times.

“You didn’t come,” the human said when they arrived. “So I brought Papyrus to you!”

Sans didn’t look up. The human leaned over him, speaking quietly.

“Is this what we’re doing now? I can keep this up for a long time, you know. It’ll be fun thinking of different excuses to get Papyrus to come with me. Though I think telling him his brother is in trouble is probably the most effective.”

“WOWIE, HUMAN! YOU FOUND HIM RIGHT AWAY! SANS? WHAT’S WRONG?” Papyrus noticed something was wrong slightly faster this time.

Sans suddenly reached out and grabbed the human by the collar of their shirt. He didn’t have any particular plan. Maybe he could hold the human still and blast them. It wouldn’t accomplish anything.

And if his aim wasn’t good enough to hit the human but not himself… it wouldn’t make any difference.

“SANS! WHAT ARE YOU DOING? THE HUMAN IS TRYING TO HELP YOU!”

Sans finally looked up at Papyrus.

“BROTHER, WHAT IS IT? WHAT HAPPENED?” 

He must have looked a mess to provoke this renewed concern.

“Go ahead and kill me,” whispered the human. “You won’t even have to see how disappointed he’ll be. It’ll reset right away.”

Sans’s grip relaxed and his hand fell away limply. He let his gaze wander, not looking at the human or his brother.

“Come on, Sans, you’re going to miss the show.” The human made no move to pull away even after their shirt was free.

“BROTHER, I’M GETTING WORRIED.”

Sans closed his eyes.

“OW! HUMAN, THIS IS NO TIME TO BE FIGHTING! I CAN’T CAPTURE YOU UNTIL I HELP MY BROTHER!”

Sans closed his eyes tighter.

“HUMAN, THERE’S NO NEED TO PUSH ME. DO YOU KNOW WHAT’S WRONG WITH MY BROTHER? WHAT CAN I DO TO—?”

Sans was nearly buried in Papyrus’s dust.

“HUMAN—WHY DID—? SANS—”

Another, smaller poof of dust.

“Well, at least this is interesting. I wish I had a camera.”

Sans refused to open his eyes until the human reset.

Chapter Text

“Are you ready to listen to me now?”

The human had come without Papyrus this time.

Sans looked up at them. He had sat down in the snow where he was again. He was ready to beg—he would have begged if he had any hope that it would make a difference. It wasn’t as if he hadn’t begged already in other timelines. He didn’t have any dignity left to preserve, really.

“If you wanna talk, I’m game,” he said. He would much rather listen to the human talk than any of the other things he’d been doing lately. If the human meant “listen” as in following instructions or agreeing to their deal, that was another story.

“I don’t just want to talk. I want you to reconsider my offer.”

That confirmed his suspicions.

“Look, kid, it’s not really an offer if you’re gonna force me into accepting it by going after my brother like this.”

“It’s an offer you can’t refuse.” The human laughed. Sans didn’t really get the joke.

“No?” the human asked when he didn’t react. “Well, I’ll go get Papyrus again. We can keep doing this as long as you want.” Sans didn’t move as they turned and started to walk away. Just as they were about to leave the little clearing, they stopped and turned back. “I’m surprised, though. I thought you loved your brother. But you’re choosing to continue this, when you could stop it with just a word. You really must not care at all.”

“Heh.” Hadn’t the human just said—a few resets ago—that it was easier to hurt people with the truth? Why did they feel the need to add those barbs that they both knew weren’t true? But one thing cut through him like a knife (or a stick)—he could stop this just by agreeing to the human’s deal.

“Wait,” he said. It slipped out before he could think about it logically, strategically. He’d had good reasons for rejecting the human’s deal. He wouldn’t gain anything in the long term. But in the short term it was looking better and better. He couldn’t say it was for Papyrus’s sake. Papyrus wouldn’t remember any of this. But he needed a respite from watching his brother die. And if it made no difference to his situation in the long term, would the human really benefit that much from it either? They’d get the satisfaction of winning, breaking down his resistance, but they’d broken him before. What did it matter if he gave into them one more time? Had he gone through this—had he put Papyrus through all this just out of stubbornness?

It wouldn’t matter to Papyrus after the reset, he reminded himself.

“Yes?” The human was still standing there waiting for him to continue.

Were they going to make him say it? He wished they’d ask if he’d changed his mind or if he was ready to make a deal, so he could answer with a single syllable.

The human looked down at their stick, turning it over in their hands. “Not that I don’t have all the time in the world, but if you need time to think about what you’re gonna say, I’m going to get some things done while I wait.”

“Ngh—wait. Fine. I agree.” Sans already regretted this. The human had won and they were still being cruel. He could’ve hoped for some kind of honeymoon period where the human was so happy to have extracted his consent that they would be nice for a while.

Well, if this lasted long enough there would probably be periods of kindness. The human’s mood had always vacillated like that, sometimes so slowly that they’d had years of peace on the surface.

“Finally!” the human said brightly, skipping back over to him. “In that case, we should both go meet your brother at the electric maze.”

“Yeah. Give me a minute.”

“Sans, are you going to disobey me already? I meant right now!”

Sans forced himself to stand up. The human wasn’t going to make this easy, were they? But it was better than watching them kill Papyrus.

“Do you wanna take a shortcut?” he asked.

“No, let’s walk. The exercise will do you good.”

Sans rolled his eyes.

“Come on, keep up!” That was probably an order. The human set off at a brisk pace, and Sans had no choice but to follow.

***

“SANS! THERE YOU ARE! I THOUGHT WE WERE PRESENTING A UNITED FRONT TO THE HUMAN!”

“Sorry, bro, I, uh… got captured?” Sans could have laughed at how true that was.

“THIS IS SERIOUS, SANS! ANYWAY! HUMAN! IN ORDER TO STOP YOU, WE HAVE CREATED SOME PUZZLES. I THINK YOU WILL FIND THIS ONE QUITE… SHOCKING!”

Sans tuned out the explanation of the puzzle. He’d heard it hundreds of times by now.

“SANS! WHAT DID YOU DO?”

“I think the human has to hold the orb,” Sans answered without thinking. He knew his lines very well by now.

Papyrus traversed the maze and gave the human the orb—tossed really, despite how he’d admonished Sans for throwing it at them not that many resets ago. The human probably could have navigated the maze without the trail of Papyrus’s footprints, having done it so many times before. (Which meant they’d let Papyrus get zapped on purpose just now. It figured.)

Impressed with the ease with which the human cleared the maze, Papyrus headed to the next puzzle. The human ignored Sans and walked away in the same direction. It looked as if they would stick to the script for a while. Sans gratefully took a shortcut to his next position.

***

Watching the human fight Papyrus was always nerve-wracking even if they hadn’t hurt anyone yet. This time he had the human’s word that Papyrus wouldn’t be harmed, and he had no doubt that the human was not done playing with him yet. Still, he made sure he was elsewhere. He took refuge in his room.

The next thing he knew, he was waking up to the sound of the door slamming open.

“SANS! GUESS WHAT!” The footsteps coming up the stairs obviously belonged to a very excited Papyrus. “SANS? ARE YOU HERE?” He was at Sans’s door now.

Sans dragged himself to the door of his room and cracked it open. “What is it, Paps?”

“I CAPTURED THE HUMAN! I PUT THEM IN THE SHED. I HOPE THEY’RE COMFORTABLE! I GAVE THEM A BED AND SOME FOOD AND…”

Sans had heard this speech before, so he tuned out. So the human had let Papyrus capture them. Should he go check on them in case they wanted something from him? Normally they’d escape on their own and meet Papyrus again on the way to Waterfall. Sans didn’t have to do anything.

But if he wasn’t there when they wanted him, they could easily twist that into disobedience on his part. On the other hand, he was sure they wouldn’t end this new game they were playing so soon. And even if they decided to punish him somehow, he was pretty sure they were going to be cruel regardless of whether or not they had an excuse to blame it on him.

“Wow, Paps, congratulations. I’m—I’m gonna stay in here for a while. All those puzzles really took it out of me.” He considered telling Papyrus to hurry up and call Undyne to collect the human, but he figured there was a good chance it would just get Undyne killed.

Papyrus looked frustrated for a moment but quickly got over it. “ALL RIGHT, BROTHER! THE GREAT PAPYRUS CAN HANDLE CARING FOR A CAPTURED HUMAN! NYEH HEH HEH!”

Sans had to admit that knowing his brother wouldn’t be dead when he woke up was actually a big relief. His body was tired from all the walking and shortcuts, and he couldn’t remember when his mind had last had a proper rest. He fell asleep again quickly.

Chapter Text

“SANS? DO YOU WANT DINNER? ALSO, THE HUMAN IS ASKING FOR YOU.”

What he really wanted was to remain unconscious and not have to face the human again.

“Sure, bro. I’ll be right down.”

He dragged himself out of bed and to the stairs. The human was sitting at the table, and Papyrus was dishing out three portions of spaghetti and setting them down alongside the pet rock, which had been fed its own dinner of sprinkles.

“Hey kid, how ya doin’?” Sans descended the stairs casually.

“SANS, DID YOU KNOW THAT HUMANS DON’T LIKE DOG FOOD? NOT EVEN WITH A HOT DOG CUT UP IN IT!”

“Underground hot dogs are weird.” The human made a face.

Sans wondered if they were insulting his hot dog stand in Hotland. They knew full well that the hot dogs were water sausages.

“DON’T WORRY, HUMAN! THE GREAT PAPYRUS’S MAGNIFICENT SPAGHETTI IS SURE TO PLEASE! NYEH HEH!”

Sans joined them at the table, as far from the human as he felt was polite. The human scooted up close beside him. Papyrus positioned plates in front of both of them and went to get forks. Sans looked down at the human, who smiled back up at him innocently. He wondered what they were planning to do, but he decided he could wait to find out.

“HERE YOU GO.” Papyrus set their forks on the table. 

Sans picked at his spaghetti, not feeling hungry. The human set to work on theirs. Sans knew the human wasn’t terribly fond of his brother’s cooking, but they probably wanted to please Papyrus. 

“WELL, HUMAN, HOW IS THE SPAGHETTI? IS IT GREAT? NYEH HEH HEH!” Papyrus was confident because the human was actually eating it.

The human looked at him for a moment and then turned to Sans. “I bet it would be better with ketchup.”

“Everything’s better with ketchup,” Sans agreed, checking his pockets in case he had a bottle on him. It was hard to remember, what with all the resets. No such luck. The human was watching him expectantly. So this was an order. “I’ll get some,” he volunteered.

“THE CHEF DOES NOT RECOGNIZE SUBSTITUTIONS OR ALTERATIONS!”

Sans retrieved a fresh bottle of ketchup despite his brother’s protests and set it on the table in front of the human. They looked pleased. They took the bottle and added a generous squeeze of the condiment to their dish. Sans hadn’t even tampered with the lid.

When the human was finished, Sans ignored his brother’s grumbling and added a respectable amount of ketchup to his own plate, to keep up appearances. For a few minutes, as he forced himself to eat, he could almost pretend this was one of the good timelines.

“I’m full,” the human declared, pushing away their plate, having made a significant dent in the pasta but not more than that. Papyrus looked disappointed for a second, but only a second—the human was very small, after all. “Sans! Show me around Snowdin?”

Sans hesitated only a second. “Sure thing, kid.”

“NOW, HUMAN, YOU’LL HAVE TO PARDON MY BROTHER FOR BEING SO LAZY. BUT FEAR NOT! I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, WILL…” He trailed off, registering what Sans had said. “BROTHER! THAT’S THE SPIRIT! YOU MUST REALLY LIKE THIS HUMAN. PERHAPS THEY’RE A GOOD INFLUENCE ON YOU! WELL THEN, YOU TWO HAVE FUN WHILE THE GREAT PAPYRUS CLEANS UP THESE DISHES.”

Sans grinned lazily through his brother’s speech. “Thanks, bro. Come on, kid, let’s go.”

The human took his hand and he only shuddered a little before leading them out of the house. “All right, kid. I know you’ve seen this place a million times. Where do you wanna go?”

“I don’t think it’s been a million, Sans.” The human swung his hand back and forth playfully. “Let’s go to the shop. You can buy me some candy to get the taste of that spaghetti out of my mouth.”

“Sure thing, kid.” So far the human seemed to be playing nice. But it wasn’t the same as one of the good timelines. Although it was undeniably the same kid, Sans could almost think of them as a different person from the one who had gone through the Underground without killing anyone. That version of the kid was capable of acting like a jerk in some timelines, sure, but they weren’t nearly as sadistic as the more murdery versions. As much as the timelines tended to blend together, Sans felt like there might be a dividing line between the genocidal and pacifist versions of the human—but he wasn’t sure if there was an actual difference or if sadism was the kid’s true nature and they just hid it really well sometimes. After all, even the nicest version of the human would, after achieving the best possible outcome for the monsters, eventually reset and snatch that future away from them. The first time that had happened had destroyed his trust in the human. Before that it had been plausible that—

“Come on, Sans!” The human interrupted his thoughts, dragging him toward the shop he had almost walked past. The door jingled as they entered.

“Hello, Sans,” the bunny shopkeep greeted him. “Who’s this?”

“This is Frisk,” he answered, not caring to attract attention by identifying them as a human.

“This one!” said Frisk, pointing at a cinnamon bunny.

Sans grinned lazily at the shopkeep and set some gold on the counter, playing the part of an indulgent guardian. The bunny wrapped up the pastry and handed it to the human. They turned to leave the shop, munching happily on it, and Sans followed, hands in his pockets. At least with their hands busy holding the food, they wouldn’t immediately try to hold hands with him again. He really wished he could just go back to sleep.

The human stopped and let Sans catch up outside the shop.

“Where to next, kid?” He hoped they would head back home and he could hide away in his room for a while.

The human thought. “Let’s go to Waterfall. I want to play with the echo flowers.”

“You did say this was a tour of Snowdin,” Sans reminded them.

“Oh, right. Then show me all the puzzles, and then let’s go to the river.”

“I think you saw all the puzzles on the way in.”

“Show me again.”

“Okay, kid. You wanna take a shortcut?”

“Nah, walking is fine,” the kid answered as if they were doing him a favor.

***

“YOU STAYED OUT LATE! YOU DIDN’T JUST GO TO GRILLBY’S, DID YOU? I WAS ABOUT TO COME LOOKING FOR YOU!”

“Nah, Paps, I think Grillby’s is the only place this side of Waterfall that we didn’t visit.”

“WOWIE, SANS. I NEVER WOULD HAVE EXPECTED YOU TO DO SUCH A THOROUGH JOB!”

“Guess I can’t say no to the kid.” Sans’s grin wasn’t terribly sincere. “You’re right, it is late. Probably bedtime for young humans, right?”

“No, I wanna watch TV,” the human said. At least it didn’t involve walking.

“HUMAN, MY BROTHER MAY BE RIGHT THIS TIME. I’VE HEARD THAT THIS ‘SLEEP’ IS IMPORTANT FOR CHILDREN.”

“Eh, it’s fine,” said Sans. “They’ll probably fall asleep on the couch, and you’re not gonna make them sleep in the shed, are you? So they may as well sleep there. I’m not giving ‘em my bed.” He hoped that look didn’t mean the human was going to insist on sleeping in his room.

“VERY WELL.” Papyrus turned on the TV as the human eagerly hopped onto the couch. 

“I’ll turn in early,” Sans said, hoping the human would be content with Papyrus for company.

“No, you watch too.” The human patted the couch next to them.

Sans obediently sat, with a defeated sigh, tensing up as the human leaned against him.

Sans had practically memorized the shows that aired during the days after the human’s arrival, but the human had probably had less chance to watch them. They seemed entertained enough.

Maybe it was a good thing that the TV was boring, as he found himself falling asleep even with the close proximity of the human.

“Sans!” The human’s voice startled him back to alertness.

“What is it, kid?” He didn’t let his irritation show in his voice.

“Get me a glass of water?”

They could have asked Papyrus, who was awake and would be perfectly happy to assist.

“Sure thing, kid.” He slid off the couch and went to the kitchen.

“SANS, ARE YOU FEELING ALL RIGHT?” Papyrus asked as he handed the human a glass of water.

“’m fine.” Sans resumed his place on the couch.

“I’M HAPPY TO SEE YOU SO ENERGETIC, BROTHER, BUT—YOU SEEM SLIGHTLY OFF.”

“You’re just not used to seeing me move around so much, so it seems off.”

“IT MUST BE OUR HUMAN GUEST. I’M PLEASED YOU GET ALONG SO WELL!”

“Yeah, that must be it.”

“BUT PERHAPS YOU SHOULD NOT EXERT YOURSELF TOO MUCH RIGHT AWAY.”

“S’okay, bro. Don’t worry about me. What do you want me to do with that?”

The human had finished their drink and was shoving the empty glass at him.

“Just set it wherever,” Sans suggested.

Papyrus looked annoyed but couldn’t say anything after he’d just warned Sans of the potential dangers of cutting back too suddenly on his laziness.

“Put it back in the kitchen,” said the human.

Sans sighed and accepted the glass, standing up again.

“Did you wash it?” the human asked.

“Nah, left it in the sink.”

“That’s bad manners.”

“Not in my own house.”

“Papyrus washed all the dishes from dinner. You should wash it.”

“You’re the one who drank out of it,” Sans retorted, as he stood up to go back into the kitchen.

“Did you dry it?” the human asked, only after Sans had sat back down on the couch. He wordlessly stood up again.

“Did you put it away?” was the human’s next question, but Sans had predicted it.

“Sure did.” He slouched deeper into the couch.

“SANS, YOU REALLY DON’T NEED TO WORK THIS HARD TO MAKE A GOOD IMPRESSION ON THE HUMAN.”

“’S no problem, bro.” Sans was irritated, but he was also grateful the human was finding such innocuous ways to torment him. He could only pray it would last.

Chapter Text

The next morning Papyrus went on his usual patrol and puzzle calibration duty, leaving Sans in charge of their prisoner/houseguest, with admonishments not to use this as an excuse to neglect his sentry station. The human had been content to sit around the house until Sans had suggested it was time for him to get to his sentry station, earlier than usual, just for something to do. Not that the sentry station would be any improvement if the human was there with him. Maybe he’d actually recalibrate his puzzles today. If the human let him.

“Want to take a shortcut?”

“Nah, walking is fine.”

Sans wondered if he should stop asking. The human trailed after him as he trudged through the snow to his station. Maybe he wouldn’t calibrate those puzzles after all, if it meant walking all the way. He’d gotten in his quota of exercise for his week on the tour of Snowdin yesterday.

Even after they arrived at the station, the human didn’t break the silence between them, and Sans didn’t want to provoke anything that could be put off until later. Maybe if the human stayed quiet he could fall asleep at his post like usual. Then again, he wasn’t looking forward to another evening together with the human and Papyrus, which was all he had to look forward to if he slept through the day.

“This is boring,” the human said, just when he was starting to drift off.

“It’s an occupational hazard.”

“I could do something to liven it up.”

“Really not necessary, kid.”

“Entertain me then.”

“Sure thing. Wanna hear a joke?”

“No, your jokes are terrible.”

“Well now I’m really hurt. You’ve cut me to the bone.”

“I believe I said I didn’t want to hear a joke, Sans.”

“Sorry.” The skeleton shrugged.

“In fact”—the human sounded like they’d had an idea—“I’d say you’re the least funny monster in the whole Underground. Wouldn’t you?”

He shrugged again. “If you say so, kid.” Privately he had to insist that he was funnier than Jerry, at the very least.

“I wanna hear you say it.”

Sans frowned slightly. Was this a step up from yesterday’s torments? Or was it just that they were alone together? In any case, there was no point in resisting. This was not the hill he—or Papyrus—would die on.

“I’m the least funny monster in the whole Underground,” he repeated, keeping it light and casual.

The human smiled. “Your brother, on the other hand, he’s hilarious. What a loser!”

Sans’s eyelights dimmed but he retained his usual skeletal grin.

“You agree, don’t you?” the human asked, their voice teasing. “Say it. Papyrus isn’t cool. Papyrus is a loser.”

This really shouldn’t be so hard compared to fighting and killing and dying and failing to stop others from killing and dying. They were just words. Sans had been living under the weight of his bargain with the human for a day, but this was the first time he really had to remind himself of why he’d made it in the first place. Or at least, the most palatable reason.

Just words. Papyrus wouldn’t hear them.

“P-papyrus isn’t cool.” Well, that was a complete lie. That was okay—Sans was an experienced liar by now. “Papyrus is a loser,” he finished more smoothly.

The human laughed. Sans wondered if he could have escaped this escalation by feigning more discomfort with denigrating himself.

“Explain,” ordered the human. “Tell me how Papyrus is a loser.”

Sans’s eyelights went out for a moment, but he forced them back. He’d been prepared for the human to disparage his brother—they had in plenty of other timelines. And some of the things they said were undeniably true. At least it was easier to parrot back things the human had said about Papyrus than to come up with original criticisms.

“Well. He, uh, doesn’t have many friends.”

“Say his name.”

Sans sighed. “Papyrus doesn’t have many friends. Really just Undyne.” It wasn’t that he was unpopular in Snowdin, but Sans didn’t think he had any close friends among the townspeople, and the dogs were more like friendly co-workers. “And Flowey, who we both know isn’t really his friend. So I guess that makes him…gullible.”

“Sans, you really are terrible at comedy. You can’t be so cautious and polite about it when you’re roasting someone.”

“I’m doin’ my best here, kid.” He wondered if the human would be obliging enough to reset the timeline if Papyrus just happened to show up at the wrong moment and overhear him. Probably not. Almost certainly not.

“Keep going.”

“All right. So, Papyrus. He thinks he’s gonna be head of the Royal Guard someday. That’s…”—what had the human said?—“delusional. Pathetic. He’s never going to make it past sentry—at least not unless the rest of the Guard is killed off. Undyne is never gonna promote him. And he has no clue.”

The human laughed again. “That was a little better. Now I want you to tell him exactly what you just said tonight over dinner.”

“No.”

“No? Sans, going back on your word already? You’d rather kill your brother than hurt his feelings?”

“Our deal was that you don’t hurt Papyrus.”

“Don’t you know the saying? It seems especially relevant to you two. ‘Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never hurt me.’”

“I haven’t had a chance to bone up on bizarrely violent human nursery rhymes.” Who would beat someone with sticks so hard that their bones broke, especially when human’s bones were hidden under all that protective flesh? “Besides, words can hurt. I don’t know how it is with humans, but words have been known to make monsters fall down.”

“You think he’s gonna dust if you say anything bad about him?”

“Nah, he isn’t that fragile.” Sans could come up with some kind of explanation—rehearsing for a play! Opposite day! Something like that—and Papyrus’s boundless optimism would take care of the rest. Otherwise Sans might have been a lot more desperate. “But we agreed he wouldn’t be hurt.”

“I said I wouldn’t hurt him. And it wouldn’t be me, it’d be you!”

“You’d be using me as an instrument to hurt him. You can’t escape responsibility so easily.”

“Next thing you know I’m gonna be held responsible if he trips or hits his head on a door frame. Oh no, I let him get hurt! I broke our deal!”

“Nah, kid, that’s different. I want this deal to last, too, y’know. We can quibble over the minutiae, but the way I see it, you’re not allowed to do anything that is clearly gonna lead to Papyrus getting hurt.”

The human gave a long-suffering sigh. “All right. You don’t have to say those things to him.”

“Thank you,” Sans said wryly.

***

Sans took the human to Grillby’s for lunch, where he was made to forego all condiments for the duration of the meal.

“Sans, are you feeling all right?” Grillby was concerned.

“Yeah, I’m fine, I just—” His mind raced for an excuse. “Just drank like three bottles of ketchup, and you know Papyrus is after me to cut back on the stuff.”

Grillby didn’t look convinced, but he didn’t pursue the topic.

The human doused their fries in a generous amount of ketchup, though still not quite as much as Sans would have. The sadist.

Sans tried combining the tomato slice from his burger with a couple of fries. Tomato and salt, right? It was definitely not the same.

“Don’t play with your food,” the human chided. “You don’t want Grillby to worry, do you?”

Chapter Text

“I could kill you right now,” the human whispered.

Sans was sitting on the floor in front of the couch, as per the human’s gestured directions. He could hear Papyrus humming as he prepared dinner in the kitchen. He stiffened at the human’s words.

“…You can’t. What do you think that would do to Papyrus?”

The human was idly running their fingers along the top of his skull.

“I don’t think you can say it would hurt him. I’ve heard people who saw terrible things happen described as damaged, wounded, destroyed, but not hurt. You’re the one who would be hurt.” Sans didn’t turn to look but he could tell the human was smiling extra wide. “It’s not like I’d be killing you at him. I’ve given up on making him suffer for now.”

“Yes it is, it’s exactly like you’d be killing me at him. You only want to do it for his reaction. If you just wanted to kill me for fun, you had all day to do it at the sentry post.” Sans shuddered a little. It wouldn’t be surprising if the human decided to entertain themself by murdering him at some point. Repeatedly. In fact, he’d be surprised if it didn’t eventually come to that. And if he wanted to keep up their deal, a single word would stop him from fighting back at all. The human could probably come up with a lot of entertaining ways to kill him…

“Well, you have a point, but his reaction still isn’t my end goal. What I really want to see is your reaction to his reaction. I could reset before he even realizes what happened, and you wouldn’t be able to tell the difference.”

“But if you do that, whatever reaction you get out of me is based on the possibility that you broke our deal.”

“Schrodinger’s infraction. You’d never know if he found out or not, so it’s meaningless to ask, right? It’d get reset anyway.”

“That doesn’t matter. Everything’s gonna get reset in the end, so this is…this is all I’ve got. If you’re gonna go back on your end of the deal, then the deal is over.”

“I still don’t think killing someone else counts as hurting him.”

“Kid, please.”

“BROTHER, HUMAN! SOUP IS ON, AS THEY SAY! BUT IT’S NOT SOUP! IT’S SPAGHETTI!”

They were interrupted as Papyrus emerged from the kitchen.

“WHAT’S WRONG, SANS?”

His expression must have given him away.

“Nothing, bro, the kid just—stumped me with a riddle.”

“THAT IS AN IMPRESSIVE FEAT! PERHAPS I CAN HELP. RIDDLES ARE THE MOST PUZZLE-LIKE OF JOKES, AND PUZZLES ARE MY SPECIALTY!”

“Uhh…” Sans had a repertoire of riddles, but he was drawing a blank for one that he was sure Papyrus hadn’t heard and that was suitably difficult. He glanced up at the human, who shrugged, still smiling. “Man, I can’t solve riddles on an empty stomach. That’s the problem.” He tried to buy some time, getting up and walking to the table.

“SANS, AT LEAST TELL ME THE RIDDLE!”

“Sorry, bro, I can’t remember the exact phrasing. Give me a minute here.”

“THAT’S ALL RIGHT, SANS. I’M SURE THE HUMAN WILL BE HAPPY TO TELL IT AGAIN.” Papyrus gave Sans the first serving of spaghetti, since he was apparently so hungry it was affecting his intellect, and looked expectantly at the human. 

The human hopped down from the couch. “Why was six afraid of seven?” they offered.

“SANS! THAT’S AN EASY ONE! ARE YOU SURE YOU’RE FEELING WELL? I’M SURE YOU’VE TOLD ME THAT STRANGE JOKE ABOUT CANNIBALISTIC NUMERALS BEFORE!”

“Really? Sorry, bro, I guess I’m off my game today. Nothing some spaghetti won’t fix.” He wished the human would’ve come up with a better riddle—they must have riddles he wouldn’t have the context for up on the surface, right?—but it was no skin off their nose if Papyrus got suspicious. Not that Sans had either skin or a nose.

Sans was hungry enough to eat in spite of everything—at least spaghetti didn’t normally have ketchup, so it wasn’t a ketchupless monstrosity when it didn’t. He saw Papyrus casting concerned glances at him, but his brother seemed reassured that he was eating properly. The human picked at their food—they’d probably filled up at Grillby’s so as not to have to rely on Papyrus’s cooking as much.

“Call me an egg because I’m beat,” Sans declared as he finished. “Anyone mind if I turn in early?”

“OF COURSE NOT, BROTHER! YOU’VE BEEN WORKING HARD TODAY—WELL, HARD FOR YOU.”

“Show me your room, Sans,” said the human.

“Kid, I—” He started to protest that he valued his privacy, but stopped himself. “I guess that won’t hurt anything.”

“IF YOU’RE INTENDING TO SLEEP IN THERE, HUMAN, I THINK YOU’LL FIND THE COUCH LESS…DISORGANIZED.”

“He’s right, you know. But if you prefer a mattress I can always sleep on the couch,” Sans offered.

“I’ll be fine on the floor with a blanket.” The human smiled brightly up at Papyrus.

“ALL RIGHT, HUMAN. IF YOU DON’T WANT TO BE PARTED FROM MY BROTHER, I’LL BRING YOU UP A BLANKET.”

“Thanks!”

Sans led the human upstairs and into his room, without any time-space shenanigans. The human ran ahead and sat down on the mattress, patting the space beside them. Sans obediently sat too.

“I had another idea.” They kept their voice low, but enthusiastic. “You might be right about killing you in front of him. I’d be doing it to hurt him, even if that is in turn in order to hurt you. So what if, instead, you kill me?”

Sans mostly succeeded at hiding his surprise. “Wait a second, kid. One of the conditions of our agreement is that I don’t have to kill anyone.”

“Oh yeah… I wasn’t really thinking of myself when I said that. I meant other monsters. Oh well, I should have been more specific.” The human thought for a moment. “Well, you could still be an accessory to suicide! Just materialize a bone attack for me and I’ll make it look like you killed me.”

“Why would I wanna do that?”

“Because I told you to, silly.”

“Okay, and why would you wanna do that?”

“After I reset, you can tell me in detail about Papyrus’s reaction. He’ll be so horrified and disappointed in you!”

“Hate to burst your bubble but I’m pretty sure that still violates the ‘no hurting Papyrus’ rule.”

“Aww, come on. He only met me yesterday. I can kinda see how killing his close family member counts as hurting him, but at this rate I won’t be able to kill anyone he’s ever met.”

“That wasn’t what I was thinking of.” Sans wondered if he could actually use that argument to delay, if not prevent, the human from killing any monsters, at least in Snowdin. “You represent his hope of getting into the Royal Guard. If you die, he won’t be able to turn you in and get promoted.”

“No dice. He could just turn in my soul.”

“If I just kinda…absorb your soul, will you still be able to reset?” That was something that hadn’t happened yet in any of the timelines.

“I dunno! But I don’t think you’ll get the chance. The flaw in my plan is that you might not get a long time to observe Papyrus’s reaction. And he might not get long to let it sink in. You’re the one who would know how long a timeline can keep going after I die. I assume it’s not long enough to absorb my soul, or you’d have done it by now. Or else it doesn’t matter if you do. But since you asked, I’m guessing you never have.”

Sans wished he hadn’t said anything. He’d just given the human more information.

“Anyway, I’ll just have to make it a drawn-out death. Maybe I can die in Papyrus’s arms! I bet he’ll cry. Can you make, like, sharp pointy bones?”

“Kid, let’s not do this.”

“Come on, Sans, you can’t say that anything that would make him cry is ‘hurting’ him. Would you rather go back to the killing-you plan? At least then you wouldn’t have to see it.”

“I’m sure you’d tell me all about it afterward.”

“Yeah, I could watch as much of the aftermath as I wanted for that one, and then reset and my leisure.”

Sans was wondering if that might not be a little better, except that he’d already rejected the argument that what happened in timelines where he wasn’t there to see didn’t matter, when there was a knock at the door.

“HUMAN, I HAVE BROUGHT YOU A BLANKET. AND A PILLOW!”

“He’s here. Quick, make a bone attack—make it pointy, like a spear, or—”

“I locked the door. He’s not gonna walk in and see you.”

“Aww. Fine, go open the door then.”

Sans watched the human as he stood, wondering if they would still try anything or if they’d at least postponed their little idea. He opened the door wide so that Papyrus could clearly see the human alive and well. “Thanks, bro. Could you set them on the floor there?”

“Thanks, Papyrus.” The human made themself comfortable. “Goodnight.”

Papyrus looked from the human to Sans, perhaps uncomfortable with making their guest sleep on the floor. Despite the fact that he’d originally confined the human to the shed with a dog bed to sleep on. “GOODNIGHT, HUMAN. GOODNIGHT, BROTHER,” he said, and left them alone, closing the door behind him.

“He didn’t lock the door,” the human observed. “Will he come check on you if you don’t come out of your room in the morning? Or will he just go to work and let you sleep in?”

“You’re planning on doing your little murder/suicide trick in the morning? Hate to disappoint ya but it’s not unusual for me to sleep through breakfast.”

“Well, never mind. We’ve got plenty of time. You’re not gonna remind him to tell Undyne about me, by the way.”

“Wouldn’t dream of it.”

“What d’ya wanna do tomorrow? I was thinking you ought to rob the shop with the cinnamon bunnies. That’d be super interesting, and nobody has to get killed at all.”

A drop of sweat formed on Sans’s skull. “…That’d be sure to attract Undyne’s attention too, kid.”

“Who cares? I can always reset. If I worry about Undyne coming to Snowdin, I’ll never get to do anything fun. Say, who do you think would win in a fight between you and Undyne?”

“I’m not gonna fight Undyne.”

“You don’t have to kill her. Just get her down to 1 HP. Hey, you could hold her down while I kill her. That wouldn’t violate the terms of our deal.”

“You sure about that? I dunno if that would hold up in a court of law.”

“Sure I’m sure. Besides, there is no court here—my judgment is what counts now.” They seemed pretty delighted to use “judgment” against Sans after all those times in the judgment hall—even if it wasn’t exactly the same usage of the word. “Well, don’t worry about it for now. I’m enjoying having a regular sleeping schedule again.” They rolled over, wrapping themself in the blanket and hiding their face from Sans.

Sans sat staring at the back of the human’s head for a few minutes before reluctantly kicking off his slippers and getting into bed too. He wasn’t sure he’d be able to sleep.

Chapter Text

“…haven’t even done anything yet, Frisk…s’boring…”

Sans was pretty sure he hadn’t slept, but he’d lost track of how long he’d been lying there awake before he heard the human mumbling.

“Chara, you always…

“…gonna be finished playing house with…

“…okay, okay, but you have to admit it was worth it…”

Some of it was unintelligible, but it sounded like the kid was having a conversation with themself. Sans stopped breathing and listened, but the human seemed to be finished.

That was new. It wasn’t that they’d never slept in the same room before—in the best timelines, there had been camping trips and sleepovers on the surface. But come to think of it, never in one of the more murdery timelines.

He went over what the human had said, committing each word to memory. It wasn’t unheard-of for people to address themselves by name, but they’d said another name—Chara? He recognized that name…

***

The human woke to see Sans leaning on his elbows watching them from the edge of the mattress.

“Morning, kid. How much do you know about the other humans who’ve fallen down here? Know who was the first one?”

“Is your skull hollow or is there a brain in there?”

“What are you implying?”

“Nothing, I’m just curious.

“Yeah, it’s hollow. I’m literally brainless.”

“Weird.” The human sat up to peer into his eye socket.

“That’s magic for ya. About my question—”

“Hold still.”

The human reached up and hooked a finger into Sans’s left eye socket, forcing the light in that eye to extinguish. They pulled Sans’s skull closer and then stuck the finger in deeper, feeling around.

“Kid, that’s…really uncomfortable.”

“I figured. But when have I ever had the chance before?”

“All right, fine. Knock yourself out. But can we talk about the other fallen humans?”

“No. Do you have a tongue?” The human tilted his skull up to get a better look at his jaw.

“Nope,” said Sans, which was true for the moment. The kid wasn’t interested in talking about Chara, it seemed. Chara had died long before Sans’s time, but everyone knew the basics of what had happened. It wasn’t strange that the human knew the name. Had they just been dreaming about Chara? Their refusal to talk about it at all struck him as suspicious though. They weren’t even demanding to know why he was asking.

“Can you still see if I do this?” The human stuck fingers in both of his eyes.

“Nope,” he admitted.

“GOOD MORNING, HUMAN! GOOD MORNING, BROTHER! I—SANS, DOESN’T THAT HURT?”

Papyrus had walked in to see Sans letting the human stick things in his eyes. Well, that was a better scene than the human dying impaled on a bone attack.

“Yeah, I don’t recommend it.” Sans didn’t want Papyrus to imitate that if he could help it.

The human finally removed their fingers and Sans blinked his eyelights back into existence.

“WELL…BREAKFAST IS READY…” Papyrus seemed thrown off by their strange behavior, but he recovered his usual enthusiasm after a moment. “COME DOWN BEFORE IT GETS COLD!” He turned and left.

“We’re going to do something interesting today,” the human said. “I’ve been letting you rest, since you’ve behaved so well, but it’s starting to get really boring.”

Sans dreaded to think what the human would find interesting. He could only hope that no one would get killed, for the time being at least. Maybe he should suggest going through with that robbing-the-store thing. They might not even get caught.

“I think you should run a few laps around the house before breakfast.”

“What?” He thought he’d almost rather rob the store. At least with that, he could teleport in and out.

“You heard me. Get going. Five laps, that should be easy.”

They looked at each other for a moment before Sans relented and stepped into his slippers. “I really don’t have the shoes for this, ya know. Papyrus is gonna think I’ve snapped.”

The human sighed. “You can’t argue that freaking him out a little counts as ‘hurting’ him, Sans. No shortcuts, now.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Sans shuffled out of the room and down the stairs.

***

“BROTHER! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”

“Just—getting in shape—for my sentry job.”

“BUT YOU SAID SKELETONS DON’T EVEN HAVE MUSCLES!”

Sans didn’t slow down enough to answer, worried that the human was watching from one of the windows. When he went past the door again Papyrus had gone back inside.

“BROTHER, YOU SHOULDN’T PUSH YOURSELF TOO HARD,” the taller skeleton admonished as Sans finally came back inside and staggered to the couch before collapsing. “FOR ONE THING, YOU’LL NEVER STAY AWAKE THROUGH YOUR SHIFT IF YOU WEAR YOURSELF OUT LIKE THIS.”

“Yeah, I think I overdid it,” Sans agreed, not moving.

“IF YOU’RE TRYING TO IMPRESS THE HUMAN, I THINK YOU’RE GOING ABOUT IT THE WRONG WAY. I KNOW THE GREAT PAPYRUS IS VERY IMPRESSIVE, BUT YOU SHOULDN’T NECESSARILY IMITATE ME.” 

“Yeah, I don’t think I’m gonna beat you in a footrace any time soon.” Unless he teleported, but that would be cheating.

“EXACTLY. SO WHY NOT PLAY TO YOUR STRENGTHS?”

“I’m a champion at being lazy.”

“HMM…” Obviously that wouldn’t impress the human, and Papyrus didn’t know about the blasters—though the human was as impressed as they were going to get by those. “WELL, I’M SURE YOU’LL THINK OF SOMETHING. AND THERE ARE ALWAYS PUZZLES!” Somehow it didn’t occur to Papyrus to be impressed with, say, his self-sustaining tornado—probably because it was a force of untidiness. “IT’S TIME FOR MY MORNING PATROL. BREAKFAST IS ON THE TABLE. DON’T BE LATE FOR YOUR SHIFT!”

“Want to reset and do it again?” the human asked after Papyrus had closed the door behind him.

“You’re evil.”

The human laughed. “I bet you wish you couldn’t remember resets.”

“Sometimes, yeah.” There were some timelines that actually sucked less knowing that everything would be reset, but a lot of the time he would have to agree he’d be happier not knowing.

“It’s like we’re the only people who are real.” The human leaned thoughtfully on the table with their elbows on either side of their barely-touched spaghetti.

“You think we’re the only ones who matter because everyone else will just be reset?”

“Well, yeah. Even your desire to keep your brother safe is really just about you. You don’t like watching him die, but what does he care after he’s been reset?”

The same thoughts had occurred to Sans, though he’d rejected for the time being the idea that it didn’t matter what happened before a reset.

“You’ve watched time travel movies, right, kid?”

“Sure, a few.”

“The hero goes back in time and changes something to make a better future—or maybe screws up the future and then has to go back and fix it.”

“Yeah, and?”

“It’s a paradox though, isn’t it? If the original timeline didn’t exist, the hero wouldn’t be able to go back in time and change things. On the new timeline where everything’s hunky-dory, the hero has no reason to go back in time. So the new timeline can’t trigger its own existence.”

The human thought about it. “That’s why in some stories they try to change the past but find out that they can’t really change anything.”

“Yeah, but those are just stories. I don’t think you’ve had any problem making big changes in our timelines.”

“So what’s your point?”

“That those other timelines still exist. The time traveler isn’t experiencing them, but they have to exist in order for the current timeline to exist.”

The human sat up straight. “I see what you’re after. Everything that happens matters even if I reset afterward, because those timelines still ‘exist’ even if I don’t experience them. But how would you know? You’re here with me, not in some other timeline.”

“Of course I’m here, same as Papyrus and Toriel and all the others. But maybe there are other instances of me in those other timelines—the ones where you left me alive, anyway. You remember all the resets, and this instance of me has, of course, gone through all the same resets as you. But it’s just chance for me that I’m the Sans that ended up in this timeline and not the timeline you left a few resets ago.”

“I dunno, Sans, that sounds weird. What would happen to me in the timelines that got reset?”

“Well, a lot of the resets were because you died, so the timeline would just go on as normal. And the others? Maybe you’d just disappear from that timeline, because you went back in time and went down a different one instead. Or maybe your consciousness moved to the next timeline but there’s a copy of you in the old timeline that suddenly lost their ability to reset. Heh.” He pictured the human’s reset power failing them at a vital juncture.

“That’s a disturbing idea.”

“More disturbing than the idea that the hundreds, maybe thousands of monsters you’ve killed are dead for good?”

The human froze.

“Kid…?” A couple minutes had passed and the human still hadn’t moved. Sans pushed himself into a sitting position.

The human turned to meet his eyes and grimaced. “Yeah, I’m more worried about ending up in one of those alternate timelines where I can’t reset. That would be bad news for me. But not that worried, because if that was gonna happen, odds are good that it would have already, since there would be a ton of versions of me that were stranded in dead-end timelines and only one that could still reset. More likely that I can just reset as much as I want.”

“Frisk?”

“Don’t call—” The human stopped and looked down at the carpet. “Come eat your spaghetti. It’s going to be a busy day.”

Sans reluctantly joined them at the table. If the human was angry enough to punish him, he must be onto something. Maybe they could cause enough trouble to get Undyne to come investigate. If the human actually asked him to fight her, she could turn his soul green and dust him in a second.

In actuality, they spent the day decorating Gyftrots and violating Moldsmals’ personal space.

“I KNOW YOU ENJOY PRANKS,” said Papyrus at dinner, “BUT YOU SHOULDN’T TORMENT THE GYFTROTS. I HAD A COMPLAINT TODAY.”

“Sorry, Paps.” Sans wanted to promise it wouldn’t happen again, but it wasn’t up to him.

“OH, I UNDERSTAND! YOU’RE TRYING TO IMPRESS THE HUMAN WITH YOUR AMAZING PRANKING ABILITIES! BUT PLEASE PRANK RESPONSIBLY. YOU KNOW, THE BEST WAY TO IMPRESS THE HUMAN MIGHT BE TO PLAY PRANKS ON THEM.”

“You’re probably right, bro.” Sans glanced at the human. They were a good sport in the less-murdery timelines and he’d pranked them a lot, actually.

“BESIDES, PUTTING TINSEL ON A GYFTROT’S ANTLERS ISN’T EVEN ONE OF YOUR BETTER PRANKS.”

Papyrus continued his critical analysis—Sans had to agree that it wasn’t much of a prank and more just being a pest.

The human slept in his room again.

“Frisk?” he said as they came in, wearing some too-big pajamas borrowed from Papyrus.

“Yes, Sans?” From their overly cheerful tone, Sans judged them to be in full murder mode.

“Never mind. Sweet dreams.”

“Good night, Sans. Rest up for tomorrow because I’ve got some fun ideas.”

Chapter Text

“I was thinking of just dusting monsters until Undyne came to investigate. You could help by distracting them or luring them to me! But lucky for you, I don’t feel like being that patient.”

“Huh.” That might be true, but Sans felt like the human was also still building up to actually killing anyone. But why? Was the less murdery version more dominant, or were they just savoring tormenting him in smaller ways? He was leaning toward the latter. He wouldn’t be much affected by the petty torments and awkwardness he’d experienced so far if it was interspersed with something much worse.

“So today we’re going to go visit Undyne. And fight her!”

“You’ve fought her before, kid. Why bother?”

“Oh, not me. You’re going to fight her.”

“Sure, pal. What’s one more death to me?”

“It’s okay if you die. I’ll save first. We’ll try again until you win.” The human smiled brightly.

“Hang on. I don’t have to kill anybody, remember?”

“You don’t think you can beat her without killing her?

“She’s pretty determined.”

“Hmm, that’s true. Well, don’t worry. If it comes down to it, I can deal the killing blow myself. Or we can just see what happens if you blast her to within an inch of her life and then give up. If she doesn’t dust you, maybe you’ll get arrested. I’ll write to you in prison!”

“Prison doesn’t sound that bad right now.”

The human crossed their arms thoughtfully. “I wonder how you’d do against Mettaton. Hey, why don’t we go through and you can fight all the people I had to fight! See how you like it. I kinda want to see how you’d do.”

“I’m pretty good at dodging.” It might not be so bad playing the part of Frisk, but the monsters wouldn’t react to him the same way. Probably better not to get the human any more interested in this idea than they already were.

***

It must have been a strange day for Undyne. She’d been taking a break after a training session in her front yard when she heard the blaster charging and had the reflexes to dodge, even though she’d presumably never seen anything like a Gaster Blaster before. Well, they did look threatening. Then she’d noticed Sans.

“Sans? Look out!” She placed herself between him and the giant skull, spear in hand.

This was awkward.

He summoned another blaster, dismissing the spent one. Undyne dodged away from him, apparently surmising that it was her they were after.

“Sans, what are you doing here? What are these things?”

He sighed and summoned a bone attack. The point of this exercise was to fight Undyne, and that meant a fair fight—right? Well, if the human wanted to see him stab Undyne in the back, they’d just have him do it over, he was sure.

“Sans, what are you doing?” Undyne turned to face him after a bone bounced off her for one damage. “Normally I’d be happy to spar with you anytime you decided you finally want to do some training, but—”

She broke off as both his gaze and the sound cued her into the blaster charging behind her, dodging easily. “Sans, are those yours?” Incredulity gave way to anger, and with a ping he was frozen in place as she turned his soul green. 

Maybe this was it. He’d have to fight less fair next time.

“I’m impressed! I had no idea you could summon giant laser skulls. But I’m not impressed with the sneak attack!” She punctuated this by jabbing her spear in his direction, and he flinched, trying to recall if she knew in this timeline that he only had one HP.

It looked like she hadn’t lost her sense of good sportsmanship, but he wouldn’t put it past her to hit him once as revenge for the sneak attack. If she killed him by accident, would the human stick around to see what happened afterward? What would Papyrus—no, they’d have to reset before Papyrus found out, right? That was part of the deal. He could reasonably expect that. But he readied a blaster to drive her back if she attacked—or try to intercept a spear if she threw one, though he didn’t really believe that would work.

“Well, we’ll talk about your methods later, but if you want a fight I’ll give you one!” She tossed him a spear to defend himself with, as he’d seen her do when fighting the human in other timelines. He fumbled slightly but caught it, opting to unleash a sequence of blasters before she could throw her first attack.

He could only keep her off-balance for so long before she counter-attacked. He intercepted the first spear with a wall of bones, knocking the next aside with his own spear. This wasn’t going so badly—she was going easy on him. He could still pass it off as a surprise sparring match.

That would never satisfy the human.

He had to get Undyne to fight in earnest. He started summoning blasters in pairs. It took more of his concentration, but kept her too busy to attack.

Well, he had expected it to.

Undyne’s look of pride in her skillful segue from dodge to attack gave way to shock as the skeleton crumbled to dust.

***

“I’ll be honest. That was pretty good for a first try.”

“Thanks.” Sans wasn’t even remotely pleased by the human’s compliment.

“You’re welcome. Besides, it was entertaining. She was so upset that she killed you! She—don’t look like that; of course I reset before she told Papyrus. I know you would count that as ‘letting him get hurt’. Even though you’re the one who would have ‘hurt’ him by dying like that. It wasn’t my fault.”

Sans didn’t answer. He wished he was napping at his sentry station.

“Welp. Let’s try again.” The human led the way toward Undyne’s house, stopping just out of sight as Sans continued into the fish monster’s front yard.

“Hey, Undyne.” He made no attempt at a sneak attack this time. Before she could answer, he raised his hand and summoned two blasters. He wouldn’t ease her into it this time, but he wouldn’t let her be deceived like last time either.

She narrowly dodged both beams and he summoned another pair. And another. Undyne didn’t have the leeway to summon a spear at all until Sans was forced to slow down and recover.

“Sans, what are you—”

She couldn’t finish the question and dodge two rows of bones at the same time.

Sans kept up his attacks with as much intensity as he could manage. It wasn’t quite like fighting the human. He wasn’t fueled by desperation. There was no dread of what his opponent would do if she won. But he could keep Undyne busy enough that her counterattacks were few and far between, so that he could dodge them. And when she turned his soul green, he redoubled his efforts—though even if she wanted to give him a courtesy spear, he didn’t give her a chance. But bones worked well enough as shields.

Eventually Sans started to tire. Undyne was good. She’d taken damage a few times, but not enough to slow her down. As his attacks faltered, she had more opportunity to counterattack, but he could tell she was going easy on him. It looked like she was enjoying the challenge. Maybe she wanted to see if she could keep dodging until he was too tired to continue.

The human probably wouldn’t be impressed.

He summoned a ring of blasters, but it fizzled out after only four or five shots. He just didn’t hate or fear Undyne.

He would have fallen over if she hadn’t turned his soul green again. He reached for a bone attack as she walked over to him, but couldn’t muster the energy. She pointed her spear at his throat, grinning victoriously.

“That was awesome, Sans!” She rested the butt of the spear on the ground and put her other arm around his shoulders. “I never knew you had it in you. But please, next time you want to spar, just ask!”

“I’m…serious…” he panted, eye blazing momentarily as he turned her soul blue and pulled her off of himself.

“What are you talking about? Pretty sure I’m the winner. This time, at least! You shouldn’t give up, though! If I’d been wearing my armor, you might have had a chance. It does kinda slow me down a lot.”

She released his soul and he dropped to the ground. “F…fight me.”

A single bone flew in her general direction, the effort so great that his eye glowed again.

She laughed. “Sans, relax. Is there some reason you suddenly want to start training? You’re already way better than I expected. We can work on your stamina though!” She seemed to be really looking forward to it.

“I’m serious,” he said, not moving.

Undyne looked down at him with concern. “Do you need some tea or something?”

“Yes.”

The world reset and he was standing with the human a short walk from Undyne’s house again.

“I can’t believe she beat you. I had so much trouble the first time.” The human turned from amused to accusing. “You went easy on her, didn’t you?”

“No,” Sans denied.

“Yes, you did. What was that excuse for a circle of blasters at the end? There weren’t more than four or five!”

Sans returned their gaze uncomfortably.

“Maybe you need more motivation. Since I can’t threaten your brother right now… Maybe it would be enough if Undyne was really trying to kill you.” They shrugged. “Well, it’s worth trying. Frankly, I expected her to react worse to being ambushed, but I guess I should have known better.”

“What are you gonna do, kid?”

“Well, I know she’ll try to kill me. So I’ll start the fight, and then you can come to my rescue. Maybe she’ll fight you more seriously this way.”

***

Sans wasn’t sure if Undyne would even recognize a human. Papyrus hadn’t been able to bring himself to report the human’s presence to her when it seemed Sans was getting along with them so well. But it only took her a few seconds of staring to react.

“A human?! How did you get past all the sentries? Never mind, prepare for battle!”

She tossed a spear, but the human didn’t even react, relying on Sans to shield them with bones. Which he did, wondering resentfully why he had to protect someone who actually had a few HP to spare.

Undyne registered his presence. “Sans? What are you doing here?” Consternation gave way to anger. “Why are you with them?” 

Sans shrugged and summoned a blaster. He wasn’t the best at defense, so he had to go with a good offense. Beyond that, the kid could take care of themselves. Under the circumstances, he didn’t care if they took a few hits.

“Sans, what’s going on? Did you let that human in—did you help them get past the guards?”

Sans summoned a second blaster.

Undyne turned his soul green even as she dodged. “Traitor!”

He tried to keep her busy dodging, but she was faster than before. And she had no compunctions about spearing him while he was held immobile.

She was still surprised when he dusted on the first hit, but not so dismayed as the last time.

***

“Well, that didn’t work. Maybe you’re just not good enough to beat Undyne.”

“Probably not,” Sans agreed.

“You’re not gonna ask what she said after she killed you?”

“Nope.”

“Suit yourself. She was pretty busy going after me, anyway, so I just reset.”

Sans didn’t answer, conserving energy.

“Don’t think you’re getting out of it this easily. You just need a strategy. What if you, like, knock her down with a bone attack before she knows you’re there, and then blast her?”

“I dunno, kid, sounds pretty cowardly.”

“It’s already not a fair fight since I’m resetting and letting you try again. And we’re going to keep doing this until you win.”

Sans sighed. “All right. I’ll give it a shot.”

Chapter Text

“Try to walk quietly this time,” the human scolded. “Your heart may not be in this but if you don’t give your best effort, you’re breaking our deal.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know.” Sans was careful not to make any noise as they crept up on Undyne this time. It wasn’t that he couldn’t be quiet when he wanted to, but he was more accustomed to snow.

It felt like a much worse betrayal than what he’d done to the human when they’d shown him mercy in the judgment hall. He waited until Undyne stood to walk, and summoned a row of bones directly in front of her foot to trip her. Then he summoned three blasters, so that whichever direction she chose to dodge would be futile. 

It was a fairly direct hit, but Undyne got back to her feet instantly. “Who’s there?” she demanded, glancing around for the source of the attacks. She hadn’t seen what she had tripped over, so she had no real clue to the identity of her opponent.

Sans ducked back behind the rock wall. “I think that just made her mad.”

“Go fight.” The human shoved him out from behind his cover.

Undyne had probably noticed the motion when he hid, because she was staring right at him, gripping a spear.

“Sans? What are you doing here?” Her eye narrowed in suspicion.

“I don’t really—what’s that?” He pointed behind her, summoning a blaster to fire from the front while she was distracted. It was cowardly, but it worked.

“Sans, what are you—”

“There’s another one!” He pointed off to the side and actually summoned a blaster there this time, using it to distract her from the second blaster he summoned at the same time on the other side.

Another hit.

Undyne dropped to one knee. Sans jogged over as she stood up again.

“Sans, shut up. They make a noise but I can’t hear it over your chatter.”

“You gotta help me. I don’t know where they came from.”

“All right. Stay close to me.”

“I don’t have a lot of HP, you know.”

Undyne glared at him. Her spears were good for defense, but they couldn’t block a blaster beam.

He didn’t give her any more time to think about it. He summoned a blaster pointed at himself. And another aimed at where he expected Undyne to land when pulling him out of the way.

Sans didn’t have to fake his distress. This must be one of the worst things he’d ever done.

He menaced himself with another blaster, and Undyne was barely able to push him out of the way and take the hit herself. She had taken significant damage by now. How far would the human make him take this?

Undyne got to her feet again, leaning on a spear. “Sans, I’m sorry. You had better run.” She didn’t look at him, watching the air for the next blaster.

“No, I’m sorry.” He summoned a wall of bones all around her, looking over at his erstwhile hiding place to see if the human was satisfied yet. 

Undyne was so startled her spear dissolved. “Sans, what are you doing?”

The human revealed themself and gave the skeleton a thumbs-up before walking closer. “Good job, Sans. I’ll just finish up, so you don’t have to get dust on your hands.”

“Hang on, kid.” Sans was careful not to turn his back completely on Undyne, as he expected to be skewered by a spear at any second. “That’s kinda keeping to the letter of the law but not the spirit, isn’t it?”

“Come on, Sans, I think I’ve been very generous with your definition of ‘hurting’ Papyrus.”

“Okay, but did you think of this? How is Alphys gonna react to all this? You know she’s watching us right now. If you kill Undyne, she’s just gonna hate your guts, and/or fall into despair. If you don’t do that to her, I wonder what she’ll say about this? I just beat her girlfriend in the most cowardly, despicable way possible. Don’t you wanna see what she does when she sees me?” Well, girlfriend might have been an overstatement at this point in this timeline, but the human knew that as well as he did.

“That’s a human, isn’t it?! Why are you talking to them, Sans?” Undyne shouted, her voice ragged from exertion.

The human poked their hand with their stick thoughtfully. “You make a good argument, Sans. But don’t you think Undyne is just gonna hunt you to the ends of the earth if we leave her alive?”

“The ends of the earth isn’t really that far down here.”

The human ignored his objection. Undyne threw a spear at him but he sidestepped it easily.

“I dunno, just lock her in her house or somethin’?” he suggested. “That oughta hold her for all of five minutes. You finally gonna let me take a shortcut?”

“Hmm, okay. I guess that’ll do it. Let’s get out of here.”

Chapter Text

Sans took them directly in front of the Hotland laboratory.

“It’s too bad you can’t fight Asriel,” the human said amicably as they walked the last few feet to the lab. “Maybe if I—but he always absorbs your soul, so that wouldn’t work. We can do Muffet and Asgore, though.”

Sans particularly didn’t relish the prospect of fighting Muffet. Getting skewered by Asgore’s trident wouldn’t be as bad as getting eaten by Muffet’s pet.

The human led the way into the lab. Sans turned on the lights, but there was no sign of Alphys.

The human scowled. “Where is she? I only let Undyne live because you promised me she’d have a more entertaining reaction.”

“I didn’t promise anything, kid, I suggested.” You’d think the human would remember how he felt about promises by now. “Maybe she’s in—”

They both jumped as the wall exploded outward, dust settling to reveal Mettaton.

“HELLO, BEAUTIES! TIME FOR A QUIZ SHOW!”

His enthusiasm reminded Sans a little bit of his brother.

“Ahh, I don’t want to do the quiz show,” the human whined. “Let’s just fight.”

Mettaton ignored them, continuing: “FIRST TIME ON A QUIZ SHOW?”

The human turned to Sans. “You know he’s invincible until you hit the switch to make him transform, right?” 

Sans narrowed his eye sockets. “Let’s come at him from opposite sides.”

“No way, I’m not getting myself electrocuted. I haven’t saved since you fought Undyne, remember.”

Sans didn’t relish the idea of fighting Undyne again to get back to this point. And with Alphys a no-show, the human might not be talked out of killing her this time. Then again…

“We don’t really have to fight Undyne again, do we? I figure your curiosity about that is sated for the time being.”

“That isn’t up to you.”

“EXCUSE ME.” Mettaton had crossed his arms and was tapping a finger in lieu of toes, since he only had a wheel at the moment. “IF YOU’RE NOT GOING TO LISTEN TO THE RULES, I’M GOING TO JUMP RIGHT INTO THE QUESTIONS.”

Sans grimaced. “Kid, you’ll survive more shocks than I will. You’d better—”

“QUESTION ONE! What’s the prize for answering correctly? Is it A) Money—”

“Mettaton, look!” The human pointed behind the robot with an expression of shock.

“DARLING, I WASN’T BUILT YESTERDAY. DO YOU SERIOUSLY THINK—”

Sans summoned a blaster where the human was pointing. It whirred as it charged its beam.

Mettaton turned to look.

Sans and the human both reached for the switch at the same time.

It wasn’t like it was unusual for the human to touch him. They’d amused themselves in the evenings stroking his skull affectionately in front of the TV, enjoying how uncomfortable it made him and the lengths he went to to hide his discomfort from Papyrus. But with the heightened tension of the situation, he was so shocked he drew back and let the blaster dissipate. The collision between their hands also knocked the human off-course and they missed the switch, instead giving Mettaton a little shove from the back.

“What was that? And what do you think you’re doing?” The robot turned back around.

The human shrugged, smiling. It wasn’t their problem if this turned out badly and they had to reset. It was Sans’s.

He teleported behind Mettaton and flipped the switch. He should have just done that in the first place, he thought.

“DID YOU. JUST FLIP. MY SWITCH?”

“Now, Mettaton—no need to flip out…”

“If you flipped my switch, that can only mean one thing.”

“Uh… I wouldn’t read too much into it.”

“You’re desperate for the premiere of my new body!” The smoke faded away and Mettaton, now humanoid, dropped his dramatic pose for a more thoughtful one. “Alphys had a lot more planned out, but I don’t think she’s in the mood for it right now anyway, poor dear. She saw what you did to Undyne, you know? So we can skip directly to the killer robot segment of the show.”

Sans took a step back, edging around toward the human.

“Frankly I’m not sure who to kill first.” Mettaton put a dainty finger to his mouth in consideration.

Sans took another step. There’d been times he’d managed to irritate Mettaton in ways both big and small—flaking out on Alphys when she was dealing with the monsters’ relocation to the surface, criticizing her favorite anime, failing to match his brother’s enthusiasm for Mettaton’s entertainment products—but none of those had earned him a serious threat against his life.

“I suppose I should stick closer to the original plan and kill the human.”

“This isn’t fair,” the human protested. “Alphys hasn’t fixed my cell phone.”

“A fair fight wouldn’t be as exciting, would it?”

The human took a step back. “Sans, do something.”

“Maybe the human armed only with a stick holding their ground would make for better TV,” Sans said, summoning fresh blasters, “but you gotta prioritize. I think I’m the greater threat right now.” He wasn’t sure he would stand by that statement, but it probably sounded convincing when you were staring down a pair of giant laser skulls.

Mettaton lashed out with a kick and a shower of bombs which Sans vaporized with his blasters. The bombs could be trouble—if he dodged them too narrowly, he could easily still take one damage. If the human had saved more recently, he might almost be curious as to how effective the bombs were against him; but he didn’t relish the idea of fighting Undyne again, which was precisely why he was pretty sure the human would insist on it if he died here and forced them to reset.

He tried to keep Mettaton busy dodging blasters, but the robot could apparently summon other, smaller robots, and Sans was pretty busy himself avoiding them all.

“Give it up, Sans.” Mettaton danced around his bone attacks. “It looks like you’re the one whose batteries are getting drained.”

He had a point. Sans teleported away from another handful of bombs, ending up near the human, and dropped to one knee, panting from the effort even as he summoned blasters to keep the android at bay. He gathered himself for a ring of blasters—it would leave him exhausted but he’d barely done any damage with singles and pairs.

He looked up to take aim and found himself staring into a bomb—he’d thought he was out of range, or he would never have let his gaze drop for a split second like that. There was a mini-robot nearby—maybe it had carried the bomb somehow. Not that it mattered now. He winced involuntarily.

Something hit him in the face, but it was a lot softer than he’d expected an explosion to be. The sound of the bomb exploding was familiar by now—but the pained grunt he hadn’t heard in a long time.

“Frisk?” He looked up at the human, unbelieving.

They returned his gaze, tears in their eyes. Was it just the pain, or—?

“Now that’s what I call drama!” Mettaton gushed. “The warrior shielded from a deadly blow by the very person he was trying to protect! It’s too bad it wasn’t enough to mortally wound you—that would be simply delicious!”

“I just don’t want to have to fight Undyne again,” the human explained, flustered.

“Right,” Sans agreed, getting to his feet. He wasn’t sure he believed them.

“Now f-fight seriously,” the human ordered, but without their usual authority.

“Once more unto the breach!” Mettaton called.

Sans turned his soul blue and flung him at the ceiling, which sprouted rows of bones. Mettaton landed between them and tossed another volley of bombs. His cell phone rang. It distracted him enough that Sans was able to land a blaster hit. After that he ignored it, trying to herd Sans into another bomb attack with his mini-bots. Sans teleported into an emptier part of the room.

It was a trap. Mettaton had predicted where he would go, or lured him there by not filling it with mini-bots, and showered it with bombs even as he was teleporting.

He prepared a second teleport. The door opened and a yellow face appeared—Alphys.

“Mettaton, wait!”

She must have had second thoughts about letting Mettaton kill him. Or she’d just discovered what was happening. Even if she hated him after what he’d done to Undyne, in the end she didn’t want him dead.

She was too late, though.

So this was what explosions felt like.