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Kira had settled into the O’Briens’ quarters in a way that felt natural, like home, within a matter of days. Miles could already see that even after the baby was born, Kira would remain a part of their family, and he knew Kira, Keiko, and Molly all felt the same. How had he and Keiko ever managed by themselves? Now, if Keiko was busy, Kira could lend a sympathetic ear. If Miles was away on a mission, Kira could be there for Keiko. And having three parents to raise the children, taking turns getting up when they cried at night, making dinner, dressing them for school… that would be wonderful. Three: the sides of a pyramid, the legs of a stool. A strong number. He was getting ahead of himself, he knew. But after all, she was having his baby. They were ahead of themselves before they even started.
And then there was the sex. Barring a threesome or two on trips to Risa, Miles had never known Keiko to be attracted to women, but there he was, reading stories to Molly so Kira and Keiko could have some time alone together in bed. That was another thing they took turns with: other times Keiko played with Molly while he and Kira made love down the hall, or else Kira sang Bajoran songs to Molly while he and Keiko did it (and if Molly fell asleep in time, tiptoed out to join the other two). Sure, they were in a honeymoon phase, but they were old enough, and well-versed enough in suffering, not to question bliss when it came along. And Miles had never seen Keiko so happy. “Being with both of you feels so right,” she’d said the other night as they all lay together in a tangle in the dark. “It’s like finding something I never knew I’d always been missing.”
Miles agreed with everything Keiko had said about rightness and missing pieces, but somehow, finding this missing piece made him suspect there was still another piece he was missing. Kira and Keiko had something undefinable with each other that he didn’t have with either of them, that he realized he wanted. But who did he think he was? He could hardly believe one smart, strong, beautiful woman could love him, let alone two—and it still wasn’t enough for him? You’re pushing your luck, O’Brien, he thought. Even so, he suspected he already knew where to find the other missing piece, and he couldn’t stop his wandering mind from imagining how perfectly Julian might fit in his heart, in his life, in his bed.
*
Miles tried to explain this to Keiko one night in their quarters when Kira was away visiting Shakaar.
“You’re not happy?” Keiko touched his face gently, concerned.
“It’s not that I’m not happy!” He had to make sure she knew he wasn’t jealous of her relationship with Kira. Not exactly, anyway. “You make me happy, and Kira makes me happy, and seeing you so happy makes me happy too… but I s’pose what I’m saying is, seeing how well you get along with Kira and I each in our own ways, how we bring out different sides of you, makes me think there’s another side of me that could be… even happier.”
Keiko nodded. “How?”
Bless her. It took several more minutes of blushing and stammering, but when Miles finally managed to tell Keiko his idea, she had to stop herself from rolling her eyes. “I’ve been trying to tell you that for months. Maybe even years!”
Miles looked startled. How had she seen it before he had? How was she still such a mystery to him, while she saw straight through his bluster?
She took his hand and gave it a squeeze. “But we have to run it past Nerys.”
Miles agreed, though thinking about it still made his stomach clench. He considered Kira’s reaction to the concept a trial run for the real test. And as much as he liked—even loved—Kira, and wanted her in his life, he wasn’t accustomed to sharing the most intimate and personal desires of his heart with her. Miles O’Brien was a brave man, but his heart was a deep and buried thing, well-protected even from himself.
*
Kira returned from Bajor a few days later, and it might have been cliché, Miles thought, but when she stepped out of the airlock, he could have sworn she was glowing. Strange how he’d never realized how cute she looked in her civilian tunics until she was pregnant. Or maybe not so strange. Kira hugged Molly, and then Keiko, and then Miles. He threw one arm around her and set the other hand softly on the bump where his tiny son nestled. It was wonderful to have the whole family back together. Miles hoisted Kira’s bags and they all made their way back to their quarters; Keiko replicated dinner and they spent a happy hour chatting about Kira’s trip to Bajor before they put Molly to bed. Miles still hadn’t brought up Julian. He was sitting on the couch, holding Keiko’s hand as Kira rested her head on Keiko’s other shoulder, when finally Keiko shot him a pointed look and said, “Miles, don’t you have something you want to ask Nerys?”
Kira craned her neck back to blink at him.
“Erm…” Miles fidgeted helplessly. “Can I give you a neck massage?”
“Oh, yes! I was hoping you would,” Kira sighed happily, closing her eyes and straightening up. Miles caught Keiko shaking her head at him.
He gathered his wits as he rose and rounded the back of the couch. He slipped the straps of Kira’s tunic down around her lovely shoulders and kneaded his practiced thumbs into the knotted muscles of her neck. Her skin was so soft, his so callused, but she didn’t seem to mind. She carried so much tension in her neck and shoulders, and it pleased Miles to feel her soften and moan at his touch. It was so much simpler than speech. But he knew he had to ask. He fixed his gaze on the top of Kira’s head and forced the words out in a rush:
“Kira, how would you feel about me—asking out Julian?”
Miles winced as Kira twisted around to meet his gaze, but her eyes were kind and smiling. She grabbed one of his hands. “I think that’s a great idea.”
And that was it. He kissed Kira and then Keiko and then continued his work on Kira’s shoulders. He really was the luckiest man on the station.
*
Kira and Keiko grinned at Miles on his way out the door to meet up with Julian. “Go get him, Chief,” said Kira, slapping his ass. Miles was not amused. Either she was trying to lighten his mood, or she didn’t understand just how daunting he found the prospect of propositioning Julian Bashir. As good of friends as the two men had become, it wasn’t in Miles’s nature to lead a conversation down a vulnerable path. But then, as they settled into their favorite table in a nook of Quark’s bar, Julian offered him an opening:
“So, how’s it going, living with Major Kira?”
It was an innocuous enough question, but Miles’s heart leapt and he felt so grateful he could’ve kissed Julian. With that thought, his eyes caught on Julian’s graceful lips and he felt his cheeks burn.
“Are you blushing?”
“No!” said Miles, blushing harder. Damn Irish complexion.
“You are blushing. Miles”—Julian dropped his voice to just above a whisper—”are you attracted to her? Has something happened?”
“No!” said Miles quickly, reflexively, and had to backtrack. “I mean—yes—”
Julian’s jaw dropped. “Yes, you’re attracted to her, or yes, something’s happened?”
“Keep your voice down!” Julian leaned in closer and Miles shifted his chair toward him. Miles glanced around. No one paid them any mind amid the bustle of the bar, the clinking of the glasses and the spinning of the dabo wheels. “Both, but it’s all right. It… it goes all three ways.”
“Three-ways?” Julian half-laughed.
“Well”—Miles blushed even harder, somehow, he was really bungling this, but there was no way out but through—“a few times, but usually in… pairs.”
Julian looked slightly overwhelmed. “Pairs.”
Miles nodded.
“You and Keiko.”
“Obviously.”
“You and Major Kira.”
“Yes.”
“Keiko and Major Kira?”
“Yes.”
Julian sat back in his chair, absorbing this.
“You’re picturing it, aren’t you?” Miles accused him.
“Sorry.”
Miles rolled his eyes.
“So… what is it like?” Julian leaned back in eagerly.
“The sex, or the living together?”
“Both?”
“I’m not telling you about the sex,” said Miles automatically, then immediately regretted it. He’d have to get comfortable talking to Julian about sex if he ever wanted to… “I mean, it’s lovely. Can’t see what either of them sees in me, honestly, but—”
“Nonsense,” cut in Julian. “You’re brilliant and loyal and fun to be around. And you have the most wonderful smile.”
“Erm, thanks.” Panicking at the unexpected opportunity, he added, “Erm, you too. Brilliant. Fun. Smile. And... eyes.” Dear god.
“Eyes?”
“Eyes, eyes, you’ve got nice eyes.”
“Oh! Thank you.”
“Right.”
Quark appeared. “Two pints of ale,” he announced, and they sat in silence as he set their pints in front of them. Quark glanced suspiciously between the two embarrassed faces and opened his mouth to inquire, but just then, a Bajoran man at another table flagged him down and he hurried off with a shrug to make another sale.
“Anyway...” Miles had completely lost the thread of the conversation.
“Keiko and Kira?” Julian supplied.
“Yes. They’re terrific. And Keiko is so happy.”
“What about Miles?”
Miles chose his words carefully, staring into the depths of his ale and rotating the glass back and forth between his palms. He could be more forthcoming with Julian about this aspect of the situation than he’d been with Keiko. “The thing is… if our relationship is a triangle, it’s an isosceles triangle. Kira and I are both close to Keiko, but we’re further apart from each other. I mean, there’s... attraction, and affection, but Kira and I don’t quite connect as fully. Or in the same way.”
Julian considered this. “Maybe you two just need to spend some more time together.”
“But Kira has Shakaar.”
“Oh.” Julian had forgotten about Shakaar. “She’s still seeing him?”
“Yeah.”
“Does that mean he and she… and you and Keiko…”
“No! Neither Keiko nor I is interested in him.”
“Sorry! I don’t know how any of this works.”
“That’s all right. It works however we want it to work. Keiko thinks…” Miles took a deep breath and grabbed hold of his pint, suddenly remembering it. “Keiko thinks maybe I should see someone else. Too.” There. He took a long draught of his ale so he wouldn’t have to look Julian in the eye, but when he finally set it down, his friend was still gazing at him, whisper-distance away.
“Did you have anyone in mind?” Was it Miles’s eager imagination, or did Julian’s voice slant… hopeful?
Miles opened his mouth, then closed it. An agonizing second passed. “It wouldn’t have to be a sex thing…” he whispered.
But then Julian’s hand was on Miles’s knee and then Miles’s hand was on Julian’s elbow, and then their foreheads were touching and then—the only sound in Quark’s bar was Miles’s heartbeat in his ears—their lips. Miles forgot to breathe. Another piece of the puzzle that was his heart snapped into place.
Julian drew his face back, keeping his hand on Miles’s inner thigh. “But it can be a sex thing?”
Miles no longer cared about the crowded bar. He grabbed the front of Julian’s uniform and pulled him in for another kiss.