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“You look like a dream, Inej,” Nina whispered, the words a wisp of smoke carried in by the wind. She stood before her best friend and debated on whether or not she should bow her head in reverence.
A crown of geraniums wreathed Inej’s raven hair, and the bouquet she clutched between tight fingers smelled sweet and fragrant as she surveyed herself in the smudged mirror. Inej claimed that she wasn’t a Saint, but Nina was fairly sure that both she and Kaz disagreed on that count. “Thank you, Nina…” Inej’s voice wavered slightly as she ghosted her fingers along the skin of her wrists and calves, checking to make sure that her beloved knives were still there.
“I’m happy for you,” Nina said, hoping beyond hope that the Wraith hadn’t noticed the way her voice cracked as she spoke. “Kaz is lucky as hell to have you.” Even still, the red silk she wore quivered with each breath she took, and her hair fell, losing some of its curl as she tried desperately to hold herself together.
Inej cleared an end table close by, placing her bouquet on top of the stained wood. Her small satin slipper clad feet took a few paces forward so that she could reach up and cup Nina’s cheeks. “It means a lot to hear you say that, Nina.” She glanced down at the bouquet held in Nina’s shaking hands. “Are you… Are you sure you’re alright with carrying those?”
Yellow tulips.
For a moment, Nina’s breath caught at the back of her throat as she glanced down at her bouquet. The soft yellow petals opened upward, curving around each other delicately, and the green stems were lush and freshly cut, bound by a thick red ribbon.
“Of course,” Nina whispered in reply, running a finger along one of the dainty petals.
Inej sought her gaze, standing on her tip toes as she commanded, “Nina.”
Instantly, Nina pulled away from her friend’s touch as though she’d been burned. “I’m fine.” Though her features remained blank, her mind betrayed her, and she was reminded of better times, better days, better nights.
Times when Matthias Helvar was still alive and well, not buried six feet beneath the cold, hard earth. Times when he could hold Nina close against his chest, caressing her skin, whispering into her hair, and gazing into green eyes as though they held all the secrets to the universe. Times when he would remind her of how much he believed in her. Times when he’d complain about Kaz being a demjin or beg Inej for advice on how to deal with Nina or tease Wylan during mealtimes or narrow his brows at Jesper while frequenting a gambling hall.
With a sigh, Inej placed a comforting hand on her friend’s arm. “You look beautiful, Nina.”
For a moment, Nina paused, unable to think of a proper response. “I wonder what Matthias would think of this outfit.” The words left her mouth before she could stop them, an echo of something Inej had said many years ago, on a night quite unlike this one. “He wouldn’t approve.” She answered her own question, clutching her tulips so tightly that her knuckles nearly turned white.
Inej’s dark eyes filled with recognition as she continued, “He doesn’t approve of anything about you… But when you laugh, he –”
“Perks up like a tulip in fresh water,” Nina finished, nearly crushing the stems of her bouquet between her tightly clenched fists. Her eyes bore into the soft blossoms as she held back any tears that might have otherwise been spilled.
“The big, brooding yellow tulip,” they finished together. Misty-eyed, Nina knew that she wasn’t imagining the tears that were sparkling in Inej’s eyes too, nearly slipping down her cheeks and ruining her smokey makeup.
Nina dropped the bouquet onto the end table beside Inej’s before pulling her friend into a close hug. It was a wonder how Inej’s small frame fit close to perfectly against hers, and from within the safety of each others’ arms, they allowed themselves to be vulnerable, even if only for a moment. Somehow, they managed to tilt their heads away slightly so that they wouldn’t muss their hair or streak their makeup, even while in such a tight embrace.
A knock resounded against the door shortly later, and they stepped apart, fixing themselves quietly as Inej padded across the floor to open it.
“Are you two almost ready?” Jesper asked from the other side of the door. He whistled low at the sight of them. “I guess so.” A fond smile crossed his features as he grinned, “You both look lovely. Kaz will lose it as soon as he lays eyes on you, Inej.” There was no longer any sadness hidden in his gaze at the mention of Kaz, and for that, Nina was grateful. She hated seeing him hurt.
Looping an arm around Inej’s slim waist, Nina smiled, praying to all the Saints that Jesper hadn’t noticed her tears. “He’s right, you know. You make the prettiest bride.”
A light blush dusted Inej’s cheeks as she beamed at them both. “Thank you, Jesper, Nina. Don’t tell Kaz, but… I’m actually quite nervous about this.”
With a mischievous grin, Jesper waved a hand, “Don’t worry about it, Inej. It’ll all go perfectly, I promise.” Then, he paused, lingering with a hand on the doorknob. “And, don’t tell Kaz, but… He’s actually quite nervous about this too.” With that token of knowledge, he allowed the door to swing shut behind him as he headed back down the hallway and left them alone.
“Are you ready?” Nina asked, though tinges of jealousy threatened to swallow her whole.
Inej shook her head. “No… For so long, marriage seemed like a long chasm that Kaz and I would never be able to cross, but… I’m going to put one foot in front of the other until I reach the other side.”
Eyes drifting toward their temporarily abandoned bouquets, Nina found herself asking, “How will you know that you’ve arrived?”
“Because Kaz will be there waiting for me,” Inej whispered. “He’s crossing a chasm for me, and I’m doing the same for him, and somehow… we’ll bridge the gap between us and find each other.” She reached for her bouquet as another knock was head on the door. Her father and mother stood together in the doorway. Her father kissed both her cheeks and then the top of her head before engulfing her in his arms. “I love you, Papa.” When her mother wrapped thin arms around her, she continued, “And I love you, Mama.” Her eyes sought out Nina once more. “And I love you, Nina. Thank you for being here for me.”
Inej had been through hell and back for this. She’d survived being taken from her family at such a young age. She’d escaped the pleasure houses of Ketterdem. Not even Kaz Brekker had been able to break her or her beautiful smile. Who could’ve known that someday he’d win the Wraith’s heart anyways.
“Of course, Inej.” Nina’s lips curved upward as she handed over Inej’s bouquet. “I wouldn’t have missed this for the world.” And so, she shoved thoughts of Matthias and her own happiness to the side, for now, choosing instead to celebrate Inej and Kaz’s new beginnings.
It was a beautiful ceremony.
In all of her wildest dreams, Nina never imagined anything could be so divine. First an orphan, then a soldier, she had always been taught to place others before herself, to use her powers for the good of Ravka, and to defend her nation, no matter the cost.
Even if it meant taking parem and using her powers to protect the ones she loved… Even if it meant losing her powers and her sense of self and all the little things that made her who she was… Even if it meant saying goodbye to Matthias, leaving his lifeless body cold and alone and…
She didn’t dare finish that thought. Not on Kaz and Inej’s special day.
One day, Nina would do it… She’d cross the chasm, putting one foot in front of the other until she reached the other side… And she’d know she arrived once she saw Matthias there, waiting for her. She’d bridge the gap between them, even if he couldn’t anymore.
As Inej and Kaz vowed to never leave each other, to cross chasms to be together, and to protect each other, no matter the cost… Nina stood alone, clad in red silk, death calling to her fingertips, lost souls clinging desperately to her own.
And, in her arms rested a bouquet of yellow tulips.