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“Pops!”
Beth’s whispered voice wakes you from a rather comfortable slumber. She moves to shake you awake.
“Beth, honey,” you yawn as you blink the sleep from your eyes, “it’s 4:30 am. Unless you found Bigfoot in the backyard, why are you waking me up?”
“Pops,” she pauses for dramatic effect, “It’s Christmas Day.”
That sends you bolting out of bed. You shoo Beth out of your bedroom quietly and look back at you wonderful husband, who is still out like a light. He always was a heavy sleeper. A meteor could crash into the neighbor’s house and he’d still be sleeping. Just to be safe, you arrange a few pillows where you had previously been laying. Never know when Karkat might shift and try to use you as a teddy bear.
You go downstairs to see Beth and Tobias already starting preparations.
“Good morning, pops!” Tobias says, much too cheerful for 4:30 am. Where he got that trait, you aren’t sure.
“Morning, sport,” you say, ruffling his dark hair. “So, what have you two accomplished so far?”
“50% of the radios have been loaded with the CD,” Beth responds matter-of-factly. You realize that she probably did the math.
“Perfect. I’ve already marked where they all go.”
“I still don’t understand why you insist on CDs when bluetooth exists,” Tobias asks, loading more CDs into radios. (You have been borrowing radios from family members and friends for weeks and have managed to keep them all hidden.)
“Because, Toby, your dad asked that the song stay between us, and if I upload it to my phone or any sort of electronic, anyone can hear it. Therefore, the agreement would be broken. And I really don’t feel like getting a scythe up my ass over a prank.”
“Okay, fair,” Tobias responds. He slides the last CD into the last radio.
“Red x’s indicate where the radios go. Beth, Tobias, you two take care of downstairs, and I’ll double check upstairs. I’ll text you when all the radios are ready on my end.”
“Text me or Beth?” Tobias asks.
“Beth. Toby, you don’t have a phone yet.”
“Got me there.”
You crouch down to eye level of your kids and you all make a very serious face before nodding. Then you break into giggles. Then it’s time to get serious again. “Operation Ruin Your Pop’s Marriage is a go,” you say. You each race off.
turntechGodhead began pestering ghostlyClementine at 5:00 am!
TG: radios all set up here
TG: how are things down there
GC: tobias just put down the last one
GC: where should we be
TG: you in the living room and tobias in the kitchen
TG: as soon as it hits 5:10, hit play
GC: okay
GC: luv u
TG: love you too
turntechGodhead began pestering ghostlyClementine at 5:05 am!
You wait. Once it hits 5:07, you take a radio and slip back into your shared bedroom. You wait some more. 5:10. Perfect.
You crank the volume and press play.
“FOUR THREE TWO FUCK YOU” explodes from every speaker in the small suburban house. The sudden sound shocks Karkat so much that he jumps right out of bed and falls onto the floor.
He may be shorter than you, but he is hella fast. After he finally realizes what’s going on, you abscond from the bedroom, practically busting a gut (or several) laughing.
“DAVE!” you hear as you run down the hallway. Joke’s on him because now your downstairs and-
Holy shit. The kids did it. The prank- it’s glorious. Egbert level shit. You have never been more proud.
By the time Karkat reaches the three of you (each of you properly laughing your asses off), there are 20 radios, each blaring the chorus to Karkat’s biggest high school regret.
Once the “karkalicious” part comes on, you, Beth, and Tobias are almost laughing too hard to sing along, but manage it anyway. The look on Karkat’s face makes it all worth it. He looks like he might actually shove a scythe up your ass. You’ll be tasting metal for weeks.
“Strider,” he says. You can hear the anger and laughter behind his facade of calm. “I thought we agreed that this would stay between us.”
“What?”
“I said-”
“I can’t hear you!”
“TURN DOWN THE FUCKING RADIOS!”
It’s Beth’s turn to be a little shit. “What?” she shouts. Tobias concurs with a “I can’t hear you!”
“GOD DAMMIT, now even the kids are doing it!”
You wave to the kids to start turning off the radios and you move to turn yours off as well. You can still vaguely hear a few going from somewhere, but you aren’t sure where.
“Merry Christmas, babe,” you set down your own radio and plant a kiss on Karkat’s forehead.
“Yeah, Merry Christmas to you too, you fucking asshole,” he grabs your collar to bring you down for a proper kiss.
“Blech! Pops and Dad are showing affection!” Tobias fakes dry heaving.
“That’s disgusting. Who would do such a thing?” Beth says, equally as fake-disturbed.
Karkat rolls his eyes, “At least we know they got the sarcastic gene.”
You wrap your arms around Karkat’s shoulders and rest your chin on his head. “Wonder where they got that one?”
You can feel the retort coming at this point, but before Karkat can even open his mouth, you clap a hand over it. “Before you start ranting, let’s move to the kitchen. We’ve got breakfast and travel plans to discuss.”
“And presents!” Tobias leaps off the couch. With that, you all make your way to the kitchen, ready to kick off another world-famous Strider-Vantas Christmas.