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1. He takes the longest showers known to man
Anyone who has ever met Adam knows that he’s, well, energetic. He’s not just outwardly mobile, his brain is going 90 miles an hour every moment he’s awake - mulling over designs and new ideas, connecting apparently disparate topics. Jamie would never say so to Adam, but the ex-wife’s “super ball” analogy was apt.
What not everyone realizes is that having a mind like Adam’s is both a blessing and a curse. He can’t slow it down, even if he wants to; he never gets a reprieve from the endless scheming and chatter. The closest he can come to getting a break is in the shower, where the physical sensation of white noise and limited visual input at least slow down his thoughts enough for him to keep track and pursue one vein at a time.
Or at least that’s what he told Jamie when he confronted Adam after the third time he attempted to shower after work only to find all the hot water had run out.
They had agreed that Jamie would shower first and Adam would shower later at night. Jamie remained fairly convinced that he was just jerking off the whole time but at least it gave him plausible deniability.
Their arrangement was working well until one day when Jamie got caught late at the shop and then stuck in gridlock to two hours behind a major accident. When he hit the front door there was nothing on his mind but getting to pee and he didn’t hear the water running until he was already inside their single bathroom.
Jamie froze at the sight of Adam in the shower behind the clear glass door and he knew he was blushing. Adam was leaning against one wall, staring into space. He seemed to not even notice Jamie, who quickly made his way to the toilet and out of sight of the shower. So, apparently I can quit surreptitiously rinsing out the shower every time I goes to use it, Jamie thought. Good to know.
2. He loves his family
At least two or three times a week Jamie found Adam in the living room, TV off, talking animatedly on the phone to one of his family members.
He told his sister the dirty jokes he learned from the camera guys, he discussed the weather with his dad, he argued with his mom about the best way to remove grease stains from his favorite t-shirt, and he told them all detailed stories about what went one day-to-day at M5. They rarely seemed to talk about anything of actual relevance, like holiday plans or significant life events.
Jamie remembered the last time he’d talked to his parents. He’d sent his mother an email letting her know about the divorce. Her reply was simply “I’ll let your father know” and that was that. It had never occurred to Jamie to call up his parents just to chat. He had a feeling they wouldn’t believe him if he tried. He hadn’t made small talk with his parents when he’d lived at home; his mother discouraged that sort of frivolous chatter. After leaving home the only times he heard from his parents were when they called to inform him of a relative passing away or when he called to give them his new address.
Adam’s family seemed alien by comparison.
Jamie got home one afternoon and found Adam in his usual place on the futon. He was talking to his sister, to judge by his slightly teasing tone.
“...and then Jamie said that he had run out of lard in the basement and gone looking for substitutes and that’s why we didn’t have any butter,” he was saying. Jamie heard tinny laughter filter through the telephone.
Jamie froze. After all the lengths they’d gone to to conceal their living arrangement, Adam had just given it away. He started to storm off his shop, but caught himself and went into the living room instead. He sat opposite Adam and glowered.
“Hey, I gotta go. I think Jamie needs my attention for some reason... Uh-huh, love you too. Talk to you later.” He hung up.
“What the hell were you thinking, telling your sister we live together?” Jamie exploded. “Do you have any idea how fast that will be on the internet?”
“Jamie, Jamie!” Adam waved his arms. “My family has known we’re roommates since I moved in. Maybe even before that. They’re not telling anyone who doesn’t need to know. Geez, what is with you?”
Jamie seethed. “You can’t just go spreading information around like that. This is my secret, too.”
“It’s not a secret, Jamie. I mean, we don’t have to tell the whole world just so they don’t get the wrong idea, but you can’t expect me to keep this from my family. They were worried about me after my divorce; they were worried about you after yours, too-”
“-you told your family about my divorce?!”
“-they understand that’s it completely platonic, and they’re happy that neither of us is alone.” Jamie scowled. “Haven’t you told your parents?” Adam asked.
“Why would I?”
“Because!” Adam began, but then just shook his head. “Just, it’s alright, ok? My family’s cool, they won’t tell the internet.”
Jamie chewed on his lip. “Okay,” he said reluctantly.
3. He doesn’t wake up like that
If Adam’s normal speed is super-ball then his morning speed is molasses. He stumbles out of his room after snoozing the alarm for at least half an hour with his glasses crooked, hair sticking up, and eyes only open a sliver.
“Hey Adam, I had this great idea last night for the rocket sled controls,” Jamie had said on Adam’s first morning at his house.
“Huh?” Adam had said. There was an extended pause. “I mean, yeah... tell me later.” In what Jamie would come to know as his morning routine, he shuffled into the kitchen and poured himself some coffee, then planted himself at the kitchen table, staring out the patio doors, where he would remain for about 20 minutes until his brain got up to speed.
Coffee alone couldn’t snap Adam out of his zombie stupor; only time would shake off the remnants of sleep. All told it took about 40 minutes for him to be himself, which was usually right about the time he arrived at the shop.
With Jamie used to seeing Adam only at work, going full-tilt on the project of the day, he made the mistake several more times of trying to engage him in some early morning problem solving. Jamie often found his thoughts at their clearest right after a night of sleep. Adam would look at him and blink like he hadn’t understood, but after several minutes - usually when Jamie was least expecting it – he would reply with something approaching his normal brilliance. It just took him about 10 times longer to be brilliant in the mornings.
4. He can cook
“What smells so good,” Jamie had asked, coming into the house on week two of their cohabitation experiment.
Adam appeared at the kitchen door with oven mitts, “I made crème brûlée, you’re just in time to try some. The second batch just came out of the oven but the first batch should be set up,” he explained as Jamie came into the kitchen.
“You cook?” Jamie asked. “Damn, that smells delicious.”
“I can cook. Mostly I bake, though. Desserts are really the only thing that taste good enough to be worth the effort of making. Here, try this.”
Jamie found himself seated at the table with a ramekin of restaurant quality crème brûlée. “If I bribe you will you cook us real food, too?” He tried a bite, “Oh my god, Adam.”
Adam grinned. “Good?”
“Mmph.”
“If you want something besides takeout why don’t you cook?”
“I only sort of know how. And, well...” Jamie knew how this part was going to sound, but there was no way around it. “My dad never cooked, and they never taught me to cook because it was supposed to be woman’s work. The only times I’ve cooked was when I did it with my wife, together.”
“So you’re saying that you’re too macho to make your own dinner and you want me to be the woman in this relationship?”
“No! Adam-”
Adam chuckled. “It’s okay Hynie-man. I’ll be your housewife. But I expect you to do the dishes.”
“Deal,” Jamie said. “Hey Honey, can I get some more of this?” He held out his empty plate.
Adam threw an oven mitt at him.
5. He needs Ambien to sleep
Despite Adam’s talent for catnapping on set, it was no surprise to Jamie when he learned that Adam requires alcohol or prescription drugs to get some sleep at night; Ambien being the lesser of the two evils. What he did find odd was the cautionary speech Adam gave him his first night at Jamie’s house.
“I’m supposed to take my medicine 30 minutes before bed. You have to make sure I actually go to bed, because if I don’t go fall asleep I get a little loopy,” Adam said. He sounded almost nervous. Jamie gave him a look that said, ‘You? Loopy? How will I tell the difference?” Proving that ESP does exist - at least between the two of them - Adam said, “I’m told it’s pretty obvious. I might do things I normally wouldn’t, and I don’t remember any of it in the morning, so just, you know, don’t encourage me to stay up past my bed time.”
“Okay.” Jamie said. Not like he was a real night owl anyway. He’d never had any problems with sleeping. He got tired at dark and woke up with the sun. The habits of life on the farm die hard.
He continued reading his book and didn’t think any more of it until an hour later when Adam wandered through the living room and into his bedroom, fresh from the shower, and muttered a sleepy “Night, Jamie.” Jamie didn’t hear a sound out of his room for the rest of the night. Well, I guess that’s that, he thought.
A week and a half later Jamie had all but forgotten Adam’s warning about his medicine. He was parked in the living room watching late night TV when Adam appeared, still damp from his nightly shower.
“Hey, you should hang out for a few minutes. They’re going to have this guy on later in the show to talk about NASA’s new mission to the moon,” he told Adam.
“I should go on to bed,” Adam said, but he hesitated in the doorway.
“Come on. I think it’ll be right after this commercial break. He’s bringing a moon rock,” Adam couldn’t resist the moon rock.
It turned out to be more like 20 minutes before the segment aired. Five minutes after he sat down Adam was up again.
“I have to pee, can I go pee? Do you think I’ll miss it?”
“Uh, can you wait? It really shouldn’t be too much longer.”
“No, I really have to go, Jamie!” he whined.
“So go. You won’t miss much, anyway.” Adam ran down the hallway to the bathroom. That was weird, Jamie thought, but he didn’t make the connection.
“I’m back, did I miss it?” he raced into the room still tugging up his sleep pants.
“No, it’s still that pop band.”
“Hey, that one in the middle’s kind of cute. He has a mustache, do you think he looks like you?” Adam was talking a mile and minute and twitching like a chihuahua on speed.
“What? No I don’t think he looks like me. What is with you dude?”
“What? Nothing. Hey, will you watch a movie with me? I want to watch a movie but it’s scary and you could protect me.” Now he sounded like a whiney three-year-old, and Jamie finally remembered Adam’s warning about the medicine.
“Hey Adam, why don’t we go to bed?” he tried.
“I don’t want to go to bed,” Adam replied in a definite impression of a whiney child.
“Yeah, it’s time. Come on.” Jamie had never put a child to bed before. He had no experience here.
“I don’t wanna,” Adam whined again even as he followed Jamie into his room and yawned.
“Get in,” Jamie gestured at the bed, and Adam did.
“Night, Adam,” Jamie said and turned out the light.
“Jamie,” Adam sounded upset. “Will you stay with me? It’s scary in the dark.”
“Adam, quit screwing around,” he replied, which probably isn’t in any parenting handbook.
Adam snuffled. “But I’m scared of the dark, Jamie. Stay with me.”
“Oh for fuck’s sake,” Jamie said, which definitely isn’t in the parenting books. And that was how he came to spend several minutes in bed with Adam, staring at the ceiling and waiting for Adam’s breathing to even out. This was not what he signed up for with the whole roommate thing.
He was on the verge of deciding to ask Adam to move back out tomorrow morning, because, really, it was all just too much to deal with, when Adam rolled over and snuggled into Jamie’s chest and, Huh, actually, that’s kind of nice and completely adorable.
After a while he was able to sneak out. He definitely wouldn’t be keeping Adam up again but he wasn’t going to ask him to move out either. It was worth the added clutter and chaos to have Adam cuddle up against him and say with all the innocence of a sleepy child, “Love you, Jamie.”