Chapter Text
Mummy_man created a chat!
Mummy_man added 10+ users!
Mummy_man: I see one of you going to press the leave button
Mummy_man: Don't you dare
Gunsgobang: How
Mummy_man: instincts!
Genderfluidbastard: Who gave Dazai my number
Mummy_man: It's on our classes website do you not remember
Genderfluidbastard: Oh shit ur right
FutureTeacher: I'm not mad because you added me here
FutureTeacher: I'm mad because it's 3 IN THE MORNING.
Ginger no. 1: I can hear Kunikida screaming from my dorm room
Ginger no. 1: what the fuck is happening
I diagnose you with dead: Natural selection my friend,
Ginger no. 1: Don't call me your friend ever again
Gunsgobang: Im genuinely concerned with this class
FutureTeacher: Dazai you have the next 5 minutes to say why you made this chat otherwise I'm coming to your dorm to strangle you
Sherlock homes but better: Kinky
FutureTeacher: Ranpo PLEASE not now
Sherlock homes but better: saw the oppurtinity
Ginger no. 2: Whats this
Ginger no. 1: I dont know bro
Mummy_man: Did Chuuya just call someone else bro
Ginger no. 2: we're ACTUALLY brothers what did you expect him to say??
I diagnose you with dead: Ah, adds up
Genderfluidbastard: Did Dazai not know
Ginger no. 1: We literally have the same parents
Ginger no. 2: Yeah
Ginger no. 1: Fuck off Michi
Mummy_man: your last names are Chuya and Tachihara though-
Ginger no. 1: Michi has our mom's last name
Ginger no. 2: And Naka has our dad's last name
Emo tumblr kid: Are we just going to ignore Kunikida's threat to strangle Dazai or
Batman: I mean the world would be better without him
I diagnose you with dead: agreed
Gunsgobang: Who's Batman
Gunsgobang: I was convinced Akutagawa was Emo tumblr kid but I'm not sure if Batman is him or not
Genderfluidbastard: Ryu's Emo tumblr kid
Emo tumblr kid: And I don't want to be Emo tumblr kid anymore
Genderfluidbastard: Sucks to be you then
Batman: I'm the one that you threw the empty can of 7up at
Gunsgobang: WAIT THAT WAS YOU??
Batman: Yeah motherfucker
The third ginger: whats with the notifs from here?
FutureTeacher: Five minutes is up Dazai I'm coming to kill you
Mummy_man: You can't kill me if you can't find me
Sherlock homes but better: Dazai just flipped off his blanket and ran out of our dorm wheres he going
FutureTeacher: YOU CANT RUN FOREVER DAZAI
Mummy_man: I'M PRETTY SURE I CAN!
The third ginger: I regret opening my phone.
Ginger no. 2: Go back to sleep Tanizaki it's late and you have school tomorrow
The third ginger: Don't you have school too though?
Ginger no. 1: Well technically both me and Michi have school tomorrow but we're skipping
Emo tumblr kid: Chuya please domnt skip class
Emo tumblr kid: I cant deal with everybody all alone
Ginger no. 1: And I dont wanna suffer
Ginger no. 1: Your point here?
The third ginger: We all have school tomorrow
The third ginger: NONE OF US SHOULD BE AWAKE
Batman: YEAH WELL WE ALL ARE SO NOW WE'VE GOTTA DEAL WITH IT!
Farm boy: Why can I hear screaming from the other room?
Ginger no. 2: Jono shut the FUCK up your gonna wake everybody up with your stupid text to speech and speech to text bot
Farm boy: hey be nice!
Ginger no. 1: That's a tall order
Batman: Oh well I'm sorry that I can't fucking see and it's 3 AM and you all decided to add me to a groupchat
Sherlock homes but better: Apology accepted
Batman: That wasn't an actual apology
Farm boy: Apology accepted!
Batman: THAT WASN'T AN ACTUAL APOLOGY
Emo tumblr kid: Somebody get someone else to type for Jono I keep hearing him screaming
I diagnose you with dead: By the way where's Kunikida and Dazai
Sherlock homes but better: Murdering each other probably
Farm boy: Oh no! Should we help them?
Ginger no. 1: don't. I wanna see who wins this
Ginger no. 2: Are you watching them
Ginger no. 1: Yes but no
Ginger no. 1: I see the two outside the dorm windows
KIttyman: Akutagawa just rammed his face head first into the window what happened
I diagnose you with dead: Read up I'm too tired to explain
Kittyman: Oh
Sherlock homes but better: Did Akutagawa jump out the window I need to know did he
Kittyman: Yes he did and now he's trying to break up Dazai and Kunikida's fight
Genderfluidbastard: Wait
Genderfluidbastard: Ryu's dorm is on the 5th floor isn't it
Kittyman: Yes but he fell like a cat so he's fine
Gunsgobang: Does that make it better-
I diagnose you with dead: No human should be fine after doing that
Ginger no. 1: Someone look for them and take him to the nurse's office
Farm boy: On it!
Batman: What is wrong with this school
Kittyman: everything I'm pretty sure
I diagnose you with dead: Update Kenji dragged me out my room and asked me to help take Akutagawa to the nurse's office
I diagnose you with dead: We've discovered that Kunikida and Dazai are not fighting, but instead are aggressively attempting to hit each other with sticks.
FutureTeacher: I want to kill you.
Mummy_man: Well get in line cause there's a lot of people who do!
Genderfluidbastard: Is Ryu okay
Farm boy: Me and Yosano are still trying to find that out!
The third ginger: I think I'd feel better if Akutagawa wasn't okay
Ginger no. 1: He's gonna have your head by tomorrow
The third ginger: Exciting, I'm ready for my death
Farm boy: Please don't die
The third ginger: Only for you Kenji
Ginger no. 2: do you really think Akutagawa has the mental strength to kill someone
The third ginger: I'm not entirely convinced but he likely does.