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A voice came from the air, while Levi stared at his desk, "Look at you, you were already short and now you spend your time in that chair."
Levi snapped his head to look around him, finding no one there. Just an empty bedroom, like it had been since he had moved here. With his brows knit, he turned a weary expression back toward his desk only to widen his eyes in an instant instant. Cream yellow, stark white, and the tan of leather. It wasn't real, it wasn't her, but he deserved to be able to look at her again, didn't he? Cross-legged, hands planted on her knees, Hanji sat atop Levi's desk with a grin entirely too impish for such a cheap trick.
"I got you." she said, snickering as the light caught on the lenses of her glasses briefly.
Levi knit his brows, slowly letting his eyes look over her, daring to indulge himself. "I guess you did."
Hanji rolled her honey-brown eye and and leaned forward until she nearly risked teetering off of the desk "That's a really warm welcome for you, Levi."
"Only the warmest for you." he said, entirely too aware that he was talking to himself.
"You healed up pretty nicely, looks like we're twins, though." she spoke, tapping the left side of her cheek.
Levi deadpanned, "If we were twins mine would be on the left, too, Four-Eyes."
"You know what I mean! Don't be difficult- even if it's what you're best at."
"Maybe you can't see as well since I'm the one always cleaning your glasses... Was."
"That was one of the little things I loved about our time together. People never saw it for what it was."
"Trying to keep you from walking into another door?"
"Levi. I'm serious- it was one of the ways you showed your love for me."
"Maybe, but... This isn't even happening. I'm either asleep or losing my mind."
"Those aren't mutually exclusive." Hanji chimed in with a cheery note.
"You're not wrong." Levi muttered as he sank back in his chair.
"I thought I'd see you smile, honestly. When was the last time you smiled for anyone?" Hanji asked, transitioning one hand up to rest on her chin inquisitively.
Levi's brows furrowed, "I can't remember but it had to be one of the last times we got to spend together, alone."
"There were never enough of those."
"No. Watching for the first sign of dawn so you could get back to your room before reveille was always depressing."
"Watching you walk around even more tired-looking than usual those days was pretty funny, though."
"You were worse, at least I have experience on functioning without sleep."
"I was really bad, wasn't I? If it weren't for being able to lay there with you, to see you actually sleep? I wouldn't have made it through the day. Thinking about you getting some rest, look on your face as you slept, that kept me going through the day."
"Either way, one of us was left waiting for the sun to rise and hating the fact it always did."
"'This is the only time I can relax'." Hanji said, tilting her head a few degrees.
"Don't start-" Levi began but, much like always, was interrupted.
Hanji grinned, "Levi, the first time you said that I felt like- Like I would always be important to you."
"Shut up, you were always important."
"You walked around constantly tense, I could feel the knots in your shoulders and back while I held on to you."
"Don't tease me over it."
"I'm not! I'm just saying that I could feel how your muscles actually relaxed when you would fall asleep there with me to watch. You always walked around on your guard, like someone was waiting to attack you." Hanji declared emphatically.
Levi shrugged a bit, "Old habits... "
"There was nothing more important to me than those nights. Now I get to see you sleep every night." Hanji said , looking into Levi's eye.
Levi looked away, "Hanji, don't..."
She let out an exasperated sigh, "You're doing so well, Levi. I'm so proud of you, everything you've done for Gabi. You actually sleep in a bed now instead of a chair..."
"Please." he muttered, feeling the pain of their division being driven home.
Hanji persisted, "Gabi really seemed to connect to you, I thought I was the only one who would ever care enough about you to take care of you."
"Why are you telling me this? You're not here." :Levi grumbled.
Hanji's tone sharpened, became stern for just a moment, "I've been here every moment since I realized I loved you."
Levi couldn't help but confess, "Hanji, stop... I- I can't deal with this."
"Levi, if I don't tell you how well you're doing then who will you actually listen to? So obstinate. I missed that, even though it frustrated me."
"I'm not doing well at all, I can't go a day without reliving that moment. It never gets easier."
"It should... Your words were in my head the whole time. Not what you said, what you meant."
"It never gets easier."
"But it should. I've been with you ever since. You can't feel it but every night I am right there next to you, every morning I'm waiting to watch you brew tea. I watch you talk to Gabi and you actually talk to her. And not in the the 'Heichou-speak' you always used that left me translating for you. You talk to her." Hanji emphasized.
Levi took a few seconds to think about it, "She was too much like me when I was her age. I don't want to see her doing something stupid. I don't want her to grow up like I did."
"And I get to be right there to listen, Levi. Maybe we can't have the family we wanted whenever the world found peace but... This is the family we have." Hanji spoke, her words genuine.
Levi contemplated and then sighed, "I wish you were there to talk to her. I don't know anything about a girl her age. About being a girl at all."
"You're doing the best you can and the fact she has changed so much is proof that you have impacted her life."
"She's a good kid, she just... Was taught to believe in a world that wasn't entirely true."
"A lot like you."
"Yeah. A lot like the bullshit Kenny fed me about how the world worked and how I had to change to survive it."
"As much as it broke my heart to hear you talk about those days you still became your own person. Your mother's influence carried through."
"I wish I could remember more of her. It gets harder to remember the details as I get older. It's just feelings instead of words. I'm... I barely remember her face. I don't want to forget that."
"Trust me, she just wants you to be happy. To smile more. To let yourself be happy."
"I suppose you talk to her or something?"
"I don't need to talk to her to know what she would want for you. Levi, she had a choice and she made it for your sake."
"Yeah, well, I still wonder if she might have recovered if we actually had the money to eat better instead of her constantly lying to me about not being hungry."
"You can't change it, you can just recognize it for what it was. She loved you more than anything, she wants you to live a life you can be happy with."
"It's hard, it's really hard to be happy without you, without her..."
Almost accusatory, Hanji spoke up, "You don't show it but we both know you feel happy when you see Gabi succeed."
"She deserved a chance to live without the indoctrination telling her how to look at herself." Levi uttered, shaking his head.
"And I've been there, Levi, for every awkward talk you've given her about the guilt, about how to atone for it."
"I see where this is going."
"Because you already know it's true, all of us that you lost? We also lost you. Everyone wants to see you live to be an old man, a happy old man."
"Do you talk to them?"
"That's not how this works, I'm here to remind you that you have to let yourself be happy instead of feeling like you don't deserve it."
"So this is all in my head then, like I thought."
"It's in your heart. You kept it so closely guarded and I somehow managed to get to it. We all did. Gabi is in there, too."
"You don't know how much I would give to have one more stupid argument with you about organizing your office or taking a shower without me having to drag you away from your research. To look through the window and wait for sunrise while spiting it. To feel- To feel the weight of your body laying on top of me or next to me."
"I know, Levi, trust me. I know everything you deal with. You are the strongest person I have ever known, you have lost so much and you still kept going. You're still going now and-"
"I lost you."
"Only part of me, stop being so stubborn, Levi. For once."
"You understand who you're talking to, don't you?" came a plain statement from Levi.
Hanji smirked, "Yeah, and that's why I know you have it in you to just let yourself have this life. It's not the life we dreamed of but nothing works out the way we think it will."
A thump resounded somewhere in the home.
"Ah, there she is. I don't have very long, huh?" Hanji murmured.
Levi's head sank forward slightly, "I wish you could stay."
"Me too, Grumpy."
"So what happens when you leave?"
"Just remember that you don't have to see me to have me right there with you."
"I want you to come back to see me."
"I don't know if I can but I can always see you and I want you to be happy. For me, for Kuchel, for everyone? Let yourself be happy, Levi."
"I don't know exactly how to do that..."
"You're learning, just stop resisting it and-"
The door to Levi's room opened and the slim, auburn-haired young woman grinned, holding out a slip of parchment like it were a badge of honor. Levi blinked, finding himself alone with Gabi, looking her over and raising one brow. He cleared his throat and looked at her expectantly.
"Come on, look at it." Gabi insisted.
Levi took the momentary effort to stand, using his desk to support himself, "Well, bring it over here."
Gabi held a look of concern for a moment but closed the gap, presenting the paper. "Right here!"
Levi used his free hand to take it and review it, a progress report on Gabi's studies and all of them exceptional, "Huh, guess they mixed you up with someone else."
"Wha- Hey! Don't do that! You know those are my scores, there's not exactly more than one 'Gabi Braun' in the school- or the city." Gabi grumped, crossing her arms.
Levi felt the corners of his mouth turn up just a bit, "Yeah, I do. I'm glad to see you're doing so well."
Gabi preened for a moment before looking at Levi in full, "Doesn't it hurt to stand?"
"Not as much as you think, I've had much worse."
"I believe it- Hey, why are you all misty-eyed?"
Levi realized there were tears lingering in his eyes and brought his brows down for a moment, thinking. "Maybe I'm just that proud of you, kid."
Gabi laughed, shaking her head. "You'll start scaring me if you say stuff like that, old man. You've been in here all day just thinking about the past, haven't you?"
"I think I nodded off for a bit, actually- and I'm not that old."
"I dunno, compared to me you kind of are."
"I will make you sleep on the doorstep if you keep this up."
"Yeah, I've heard that one before- though you did seem a bit more convincing back then."
Levi found himself starting to grin, "I'm going to have to come up with some new threats."
"You are getting pretty predictable.' Gabi said before snatching the paper from Levi's hand.
Levi thought on those words, on Hanji's words, "I'm proud of you, Gabi."
The young woman froze, almost in alarm, "Okay, you got me on that one, old man."
Levi reached out and placed his scarred hand on Gabi's head, looking into her eyes, "I'm being honest. I'm proud of you and we should do something to celebrate."
"Okay, now you're scaring me." Gabi spoke, scrunching her nose a bit with the unfamiliar gesture from Levi being displayed.
"I mean it. We'll go by the market before the vendors close up and get something nice."
"You're acting weird."
"A little bit but are you going to let me get away with taking back what I just said?"
"No! Sit down, old man, we're going to the market!"
Levi smiled just slightly and moved to take his seat as Gabi hurried around behind him to begin wheeling him toward his bedroom door, "That's what I thought."
"You made a good point." Gabi said, a grin on her face.
"I don't say it enough but... I'm honestly proud of everything you've done."
Gabi guided the chair into the hallway, "Even when I-"
"Okay, everything but that." Levi shut her down just as soon as she brought it up.
"So whats with the tears, anyway?"
"Just listening to my heart, I guess."
"That might be the least Levi-sounding thing I've heard you say." Gabi muttered, her expression somewhat awkward.
Levi felt just as awkward as that expression looked but moved past it, "It probably is but it's getting you free reign at the market, kid."
"Right, you're going senile and I'm not letting myself lose the advantage of you going crazy."
"Adopting you was what drove me crazy."
"Shut up, you just said you were proud of me."
"I am. Also, go slow for once? People think you're going to hit them."
"That's what makes sure we get to where we're going without any traffic."
"Listen to me for once?"
"I listen all the time!"
"More than I expect you to, for damn sure."
"Are you sure you're not crazy?"
"Mostly sure."
Gabi stopped at the front door, moving to gather up a few things "Da-... Levi?"
Levi blinked with surprise for a moment, feeling strange sensation come over him with that utterance, "Yeah, Gabi?"
"If we're doing the 'Hey let's say crazy things' stuff... Thank you for- Well, everything." Gabi spoke, forcing the words out.
Levi had as much issue, the words feeling hard to fit on his tongue, "You're a good kid, Gabi. You don't have to thank me for what I've done."
"No, I do. Everyone wanted me dead not that many years ago."
"You don't deserve to die because you were forced to believe lies."
"Do you think she- That she hates me?"
"We've had this discussion, her father already forgave you. Sasha would just want you to be happy and to help others where they need it."
"I am happy I... It's just hard sometimes."
"Yeah, it's hard for me sometimes, too. I just know that the people who cared about me would want me to be happy and I care about you so... Be happy."
"It's not that easy."
"It's the hardest thing I've ever done and I'm still not there yet."
"Does it get easier?"
"It's getting there. Having a brat like you around helps a lot."
Gabi shook her head, "H-... You're usually really weird about giving compliments."
"It's because I'm not really good at taking them but you're stuck with me, kid." Levi leveled with her.
"That's not as bad as you think, Levi."
"Yeah? Maybe I'm figuring this out."
"You're definitely not the same as you used to be."
"In a good way, I take it?"
"Yeah, You're a lot less scary now that I know how soft you are."
"Keep that a secret between us."
"If it means more trips to the market I'll keep my mouth shut."
"Don't get ahead of yourself, you never stop talking."
"I have a lot of important things to say."
"What you think is important and what other people find important are very different."
"You're lucky I figured out how to know what you mean while saying something else."
"Yeah? You're not the first person to say that."
Gabi opened the door, dropping a cloth sack in Levi's lap and, to her credit, slowly guiding him out of the door before pausing to lock the door behind her. She rolled him forward onto the pavers of the street and toward the main thoroughfare toward the center of town as people passed by them, not seeming to bat an eye. Levi clasped his hands in silence, remembering Hanji's words- his own words? If his expression to her on those docks carried all the meaning he intended, if it said all the things he could not force out, then his heart was her own. By that, her heart was his and he didn't mind entertaining the idea that perhaps, even if it was just something he wanted to believe... She was forever a part of him and maybe, somehow, she was there. Maybe she would be there until there might be some chance to see her once more. Until then, he resolved, he would do his best to live in a fashion he always envisioned with Hanji and how Kuchel surely would have preferred over his days in his room constantly reliving the past. It wasn't easy, not a bit of it, but nothing worth doing truly was. Maybe he could bring himself to pretend that Hanji was there with him through every discussion or lecture with Gabi, that she perpetually stood authoritatively to his side. Perhaps, in its own way, it could be the family he wanted with her.