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"Don't do this Ben. Please don't go this way."
Ever since she had blocked their force bond, Kylo couldn't seem to get warm. No matter what he did, the air always seemed frigid and his entire body was just so numb . Nothing helped-sparring; showers with water so hot it should have scorched the skin; ordering the heat to blast through the vents of every ship he happened to be on- nothing was working.
And it was all her fault. The scavenger-the last Jedi- Rey . Every time Kylo would close his eyes at night, she haunted him. Those soulful hazel eyes, glistening with tears as she begged him; pleaded with him to abandon everything he had come to know and save the last pitiful remains of his mother's band of traitors.
Why couldn't Rey understand? Everything that Leia Organa-Solo was attempting to accomplish was utterly futile. In the end, nothing his mother did would matter-another tyrant would rise and continue what had been started by Palpatine years ago. Kylo swore to himself he would put an end to it all-no more chaos, no more savagery. The galaxy needed order, and he was finally in a position to make it happen.
But no matter what Kylo did, every thought inevitably turned back to Rey. All she had to do was take his hand, and he would have given her the galaxy. Anything she would have desired, Kylo would gladly give and more. They could have explored the force and their bond further, together, yet she rejected him. And for what? For what?
Skywalker was dead, his loss reverberated throughout the force and gave Kylo extremely complicated feelings. He was glad that man was gone, he was . Skywalker had failed Ben Solo and Kylo Ren was happy to know that the old man would be unable to spread his hypocrisy across the galaxy.
Kylo could admit that the death of Han Solo plagued him. Snoke was right; killing his father had broken him. But Rey, with those judging eyes and vicious tongue; she did more damage than any Kylo could. For a moment; a brief infinitesimal moment, Ben Solo had surfaced from the pit Kylo had tossed him in years before...and all because some girl from Jakku had believed in him.
Why couldn't she see ? Ben Solo was weak ! He was a part of the past that Kylo wanted to abandon, just like his parents and Skywalker. And no, it didn't matter that it fucking ached to think of Han Solo. No, it didn't matter that every time Kylo let his guard waver the memories would pour in, crashing over him and threatening to drown him beneath their deluge.
None of it mattered . It didn't matter when Han and Leia would spend every waking moment of their son's childhood fighting or ignoring him. It didn't matter when they sent their only child away because neither could bear to take the time to help him themselves. It didn't matter when Luke, a man who was supposed to protect and support his only nephew, tried to murder Ben in his sleep.
But….but damn her ….it mattered when Rey rejected him. Kylo could live in denial about how badly his family had ruined him; but when it came to the scavenger, all his sins were laid bare before her. And losing her, after only having just found her-everything hurt .
Kylo was no fool-he understood that the reason he was so fucking cold all the time was because every ounce of warmth in the whole kriffing galaxy was wherever she was. Rey was the light that he desperately sought, the warmth he yearned to cling to. He could be Supreme Leader of the galaxy, but without Rey by his side, it was all meaningless. Worthless. Useless.
And now, because of the damn First Order, there would be a target on Rey's back for the rest of her life….and it was All. His. Fucking. Fault. If anything happened to her, he would never forgive himself; and the whole galaxy could burn for all he cared.
A decision had to be made; or rather...reevaluated: Rey or the galaxy. He had already made that choice once, and it had brought him to this. The part of Kylo that was Ben Solo railed inside; desperate to reclaim what had been lost so long ago. A family...a home.
"You'll turn. I'll help you."
When was the last time someone had offered to help him? When was the last time he had wanted; no, needed , help? And the way Rey had offered, eyes full of trust and hope radiating from her body as she appealed to Ben Solo, it plagued him.
In the end, there really was no choice to make.
~~~
Asking her to meet him on neutral ground seemed best; although Kylo was not naive enough to believe that the General would allow the last Jedi to go alone, he hoped that the others were not fool enough to cross him before...before…
The planet he suggested was one that was lush with life, and strong with the Force. It soothed him, and helped steady his nerves for what he had to do. Kylo Ren watched in silence from his shuttle as the Millennium Falcon touched down across the clearing he had chosen. It was time.
He disembarked, a splash of black comically striding across the sea of green weeds that swayed with a gentle breeze. Stretching his senses out, he detected that Rey was indeed alone on board...although there was another ship nearby with multiple life forms aboard. Sent by Leia, no doubt.
But it didn't matter. None of it did. Because as he drew closer to Han Solo's ship, she appeared from inside. Rey.
Kriff, she was beautiful. Her hair hung loose ( like that day , his traitorous mind whispered) and was tucked back behind her ears. Rey wore simple clothes, probably some standard issue uniform the rebellion gave her. Her face was like stone except for her eyes and emotions through the Force.
Pain, confusion, anger...all twisting together in a maelstrom that radiated from her in waves. Yet she came closer-as drawn to him as he to her, even if the young woman was loathe to admit it now.
"I'm here. What do you want?" A blaster was held in her hand, fingers secure on the device. Ready to aim and fire without a moment's hesitation, no doubt. And really, who could blame her?
His saber hung from his belt. It would be so easy to call it to his hand and ignite it. So easy to wield, so easy to destroy. But Ben Solo was tired of destruction. And Kylo Ren...Kylo Ren agreed.
Before this girl, the lowly scavenger who should have had no place in his story , in his life, he knelt before her and bowed his head. Taking his lightsaber out, he placed it on the ground as an offering before her feet.
"W-what is this?" Rey whispered shakily.
Ben's lips quirked in a deprecating smile. "You know what this is." He said in a calm voice, lifting his head to meet her penetrating gaze.
She swallowed. "And why would the great, all powerful Supreme Leader be on his knees for a nobody ?" He flinched at the hollow pain that echoed from her words. A pain that was still fresh-it was for him too, Rey.
Ben reached out and gently grasped her hand that did not have the blaster. He was glad he had forgone gloves-their skin touching sent shivers down his spine.
"Words...words have never come easily to me." He told her, voice raw with regret. "I have spent every second since that day regretting the choices I made that led to that moment-the moment you turned away from the monster I allowed myself to become."
Rey's hand fell from the blaster as she took an involuntary step forward; their bodies inches apart now. " Ben ." She murmured. Ben shook his head, a silent plea to allow him to continue.
"I don't want to be that monster anymore." He confessed in a whisper. A tear slid down his cheek as Ben stared into her eyes. "Whatever you ask of me, I will do. I trust you, Rey of Jakku."
A nudge against his mental walls came, and he dropped them willingly, allowing her to feel his sincerity ripple through their connection as he laced their fingers together and squeezed her hand. No more doubts. No more misunderstandings. Only the truth.
"I am not the Supreme Leader kneeling for a nobody." His voice cracked and he laughed wetly. "I'm just a man; a broken, foolish man, on his knees for the woman he loves."
They were both crying now-silent tears that ran smoothly down their cheeks and seemed to contain every old pain, every old regret. A weight lifted from both as Rey sank to her knees and allowed Ben to pull her into an embrace.
"Oh, Ben ." She whispered into his neck. The bond told him what she could not-forgiveness and hope danced as the Force sang around them.
Ben Solo had no idea what they would do next. No true plans beyond offering himself up in devotion to this girl.
But he did know one thing.
He had never felt so warm.