Telcontarian
Fandoms
Recent works
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Summary
Sir Didymus hasn't given up on his forbidden romance and mornings of gold with the Goblin King. So he composed a song based on the Aboveground song 'Truly, Madly, Deeply' by Savage Garden. He hopes to convey his love and his horniness to his Royal Majesty, Jareth, King of the Goblins and Sir Didymus' fluffy posterior.
Series
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Waking Gods by Telcontarian for Lixxle
Fandoms: Labyrinth (1986), The Chronicles of Between - L.L. Starling
24 Sep 2023
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Summary
When Sarah Williams’ beloved cousin Sasha goes missing, she sets off on a journey to the whimsical and charming little village of Old Middleton, not realising that she is about to be plunged headfirst into a world of fairy tale fuckery once more.
As the mortal realm, Otherworld, and the Underground begin to collide, Sarah must work closely with Sasha’s best friend, Lyla, and the Witches of Old Middleton, and risk reawakening events from her past that ought to have been better left forgotten.
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Sympathy for the Abyss by Telcontarian
Fandoms: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy, Ancient Greek Religion & Lore
19 Sep 2021
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Summary
Inspired by the prompt:
Tired: Hades/Persephone retellings where he kidnaps her and is all sorts of creepy.
WIRED: Hades/Persephone retellings where Persephone broke into the Underworld and won't leave. Hades is begging her to go because she's eaten all his snacks and Cerberus likes her more than him.
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Summary
After breaking her leg and having surgery, Sarah comes face-to-face with the Goblin King once more in the most unlikely way imaginable.
Recent series
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It's All Truly, Madly, Deeply Fisting Me in the Dark by bowie_queen, Telcontarian
Fandom: Labyrinth (1986)
24 Feb 2024
Summary
A trilogy of crack song-fics about the Labyrinth pairing of Sir Didymus and King Jareth.
Written by Telcontarian and bowie_queen
- Words:
- 1,175
- Works:
- 3
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- Words:
- 3,712
- Works:
- 4
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Goblin King! Goblin King! Wherever you may be take this politician of mine far away from me! by Telcontarian
Fandom: Labyrinth (1986)
04 Mar 2020
- Words:
- 4,282
- Works:
- 2
- Bookmarks:
- 9
Recent bookmarks
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I'm Never Lonely When I'm With You by PacificRimbaud
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
02 Dec 2021
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Summary
"I won’t take the room." She shakes her head emphatically. "Living with you is totally out of the question."
"Obviously."
“But if I did—"
His brow furrows. "Would you?"- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 5,015
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 25
- Comments:
- 468
- Kudos:
- 8,620
- Bookmarks:
- 2,082
- Hits:
- 110,024
Bookmarked by Telcontarian
23 Jul 2025
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Summary
As she looked around her living room - at the green velvet ottoman she didn't remember purchasing, the 14th century Wizarding texts on her bookshelf, the hideous and obnoxiously ostentatious grandfather clock that could only belong to a Malfoy - she pictured the toothbrush next to hers on her bathroom counter, the old Slytherin quidditch jersey she regularly tripped over in her bedroom, and the mint chocolate chip ice cream in her freezer - a flavour she abhorred, but that a particular, pale, pointy faced aristocrat sat across from her had a tragic fondness for.
Her chest burning, as if she drank a barrel of bubotuber pus, Hermione turned to him with narrowed, accusing eyes. "Malfoy...are we dating?"
If there's one thing Hermione Granger knows, it's that she simply doesn't have time to date. Draco decides to date her, anyway.
Series
- Part 1 of Grandfather Clocks and Ginger Biscuits
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 106,117
- Chapters:
- 12/12
- Collections:
- 58
- Comments:
- 1,854
- Kudos:
- 13,030
- Bookmarks:
- 5,831
- Hits:
- 544,921
Bookmarked by Telcontarian
13 Jul 2025
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Draco Malfoy and the Mortifying Ordeal of Being in Love by isthisselfcare
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
08 Apr 2022
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Summary
Hermione straddles the Muggle and Magical worlds as a medical researcher and Healer about to make a big discovery. Draco is an Auror assigned to protect her from forces unknown – to both of their displeasure.
Features hyper-competent, fiery Hermione and lazy, yet dangerous, Draco. Slow burn.
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 199,548
- Chapters:
- 36/36
- Collections:
- 208
- Comments:
- 13,087
- Kudos:
- 95,126
- Bookmarks:
- 29,696
- Hits:
- 5,134,429
Bookmarked by Telcontarian
09 Jul 2025
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Tea Towels and Other Weapons of Courtship by sportfucker (SportFucker)
Fandoms: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
25 Apr 2025
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Summary
Draco Malfoy thinks he's courting Hermione Granger.
Hermione Granger thinks Draco Malfoy is experiencing a very slow, very polite breakdown.
Nothing about this is graceful.
They're both doing it anyway.Expect:
-missed signals
-disaster courtship rituals
-deeply amused Slytherins
-Ginny Weasley gives dating advice
-a tea towel that counts as an act of war
-"this is fine" energy
-Hermione Granger, missing every signal
-Draco Malfoy, sending them like distress signals from a sinking ship
-nothing, absolutely nothing, remotely gracefulChallenge: April Showers Bring May Flowers
Aster:
Patience, elegance
Required Tag: Cultural Misunderstandings or Slow Burn- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 21,000
- Chapters:
- 1/1
- Collections:
- 1
- Comments:
- 101
- Kudos:
- 1,130
- Bookmarks:
- 320
- Hits:
- 13,525
Bookmarked by Telcontarian
09 Jul 2025
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Summary
“Hermione, I don’t think Malfoy has been teasing or insulting you. I think…” Ginny rolled her tongue in her mouth, struggling to speak the next words: “I think he was trying to court you.”
“What? No!"
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Hermione is determined to smile through Malfoy’s blatant taunting without biting his head off.
Draco is delighted that Hermione responds well to his courtship instead of biting his head off.
Series
- Part 1 of A Study in Devotion
- Language:
- English
- Words:
- 161,447
- Chapters:
- 14/15
- Collections:
- 4
- Comments:
- 2,191
- Kudos:
- 4,719
- Bookmarks:
- 2,215
- Hits:
- 217,096
Bookmarked by Telcontarian
08 Jul 2025