Chapter Text
"What the hell kinda plan is that!?" Jigen nearly choked on his scotch, staring incredulously at an impeccably groomed gentlemen.
"Hey I've gotten myself out of tighter spots than this, and I am handsome." Lupin sat on the edge of walnut vanity, combing his hair with a generous amount of gel. A green merino wool waistcoat was tied tightly over a crisp white dress shirt.
"Don't be a sour sport Jigen, and help me with my tie, pretty please?" His pleading expression was countered with a flick of a cigarette.
"A Balthus, if you may." He turned on the spot, puffing his chest.
"Whatever you say ... drama queen." Depositing his vice in an ashtray he got to work.
"You stocked up on sake, right? And the patties? Oh, and did you get the flowers in the front? How's my hair? You think these slacks make my ass loo-"
"For Pete's sake shut up and quit moving!" Navy fabric twisted and flipped in his hands. Lupin settled for mentally reviewing his evening plans.
Call him, keep him, kiss him, he thought dreamily. A sigh rumbled in his throat.
"And before you ask again, yes, yes, yes, yes, and ..." Jigen let go of the tie for a minute and glanced over its owner's shoulder "Like a lumpy balloon."
"Ah jeez should I have gotten balloons?"
"Don't even start with that."
"Yeah you're right, the static might ruin my hair."
"Oh sure that's what you're worried about." Releasing the tie now, he patted it reassuringly.
His outfit complete, he smoothed his waistcoat further. Striding toward the landline, he picked up the phone and began twirling the cord around his fingers.
"You're like a damn schoolgirl."
"So you think I'm pretty?"
"Pretty stupid."
"I think you're just jealous."
"Of what? Calling Zenigata directly to our hideout so you can try to put the moves on him?"
"You're massacring my words, it's an invitation and I'm gonna make him feel welcome."
"If you say so, but if things go south I hope you don't mind if I "invite" myself in."
"I forbid it, your job is to just pop his tires."
"It would be easier if I shot them."
"It would be easier if you got lost, and you too Fujiko I can see you back there."
Tossing her hair behind her shoulder Fujiko sashayed into the room. In her arms were three bundles of feathery silk fabric.
"Wasn't sure which one you wanted so here's all three, and if you rip even one you're paying for them all."
"Wouldn't dream of it!" He replied, eyeing the pile with anticipation.
He unfolded the first piece, a pink silk robe with feathery cuffs, and laid it gently on the bed behind him.
"It's gorgeous Fujicakes truly!" He planted a quick kiss on her cheek, beaming with joy.
"Good grief." Scowled Jigen, shaking his head.
Downstairs, Goemon busied himself with a selection of sake. Eying the bottles with vigor he passed his hand over their dates. At last, finding one he liked, he placed it front and center on the counter next to a platter of freshly prepared sushi. While he didn't understand why Lupin had been so insistent on his help with dinner preparations, he was honored to have been assigned such a task. Holding his head up high, he sighed contentedly to himself. Simmering with pride he didn't notice energetic footsteps coming down the stairs.
"Goe-Goe! "Thank you so much this means the world to me!" Sneaking up behind him Lupin wrapped the samurai in a tight embrace.
"N-not a problem Lupin." He replied, arms pinned by the lovesick thief. He was spun several times before being set down. Tucking inky black locks away from his brow he noticed the shine of the former's hair and raised an eyebrow.
"Are we expecting someone?"
"Oh only the man who's been after me and my heart for years." He sighed yet again. "This looks lovely Goemon, and you made it all yourself?"
"I-I, yes." He wanted to speak more on the matter, but praise and appreciation for his cooking were hard to pass up.
"Oh I'm the luckiest man alive!" Grabbing the samurai's hands now, he danced merrily in a circle around the kitchen. Goemon flushed as he was steered around the room in a semi-waltz fashion. The jig ended with Lupin lunging onto a chair to reach the warrior's face. He planted a hearty kiss on both sides.
"Lupin!" Burning crimson now, he pried the thief's roaming hands from his cheeks, then his chest. One look in his eyes told him all he needed to know.
"Zenigata? Are you certain that's wise?"
"Interpol's heartthrob is such a fitting title don't you agree?"
"Lupin, I cannot say I agree with your methods. And you should have made me aware of your intentions." Frowning slightly, he crossed his arms. His disapproval went unnoticed by the bouncing Casanova.
"We can't all find love by crashing into the fruit stand of a pretty little country student y'know." He was off the chair now and admiring the rolls of sushi on the counter.
"That has nothing to do with this." His blush deepened as he cast a glance sideways. "And while I understand it's a custom of yours don't do that again."
"You're right, I should save it for that absolute stud." Popping a roll into his mouth he chewed thoughtfully and swallowed. Holding twin thumbs up he beamed much to Goemon's pleasure.
"I'm glad they're to your liking."
"Oh I more than like them, that sweetheart of yours sure is lucky. Say, what do they call you anyway? I gotta get my lineup ready for Zeni."
"T-that's none of your business!" Red crept into his neck.
"Awww don't be like that, help a guy out!" The thief crept closer, hands folded pleadingly.
A clang of metal echoed and he stopped, his nose inches away from a fine-tipped blade.
"It does not concern you." Though his face was beet red, his eyes told another story.
"They call him 'sweet-pea' according to this." Jigen sauntered down the stairs, a mobile phone in his hand. He tossed it to the samurai before he could blink.
"Jigen." He said darkly, pocketing the device and along with his blade.
"Only joking, but your reaction proved my point eh?" Despite the high-ground advantage, his smirk was as visible as ever.
"Tch." He muttered to himself as he left the room, typing methodically on the screen.
"You'd think he'd be more careful. Hell, he treats that sword like a fifth limb."
"The same could be said about your magnum, Jigen." Fujiko entered the fray.
Lupin giggled daintily at the bickering pair, easily amused. He ran a nervous hand past his temple, rubbing his sideburn. Then, his eyes widened. "HE DIDN'T CUT IT DID HE?!" He sprinted toward the bathroom, hands over his hair.
Jigen shook his head. "You ever think about how we ended up with such strange friends?"
"Says the guy whose hat is practically glued to his head."
"So you're saying that you got this idea from Johnny Bravo!? And you expect it to work?!" Jigen tapped his foot angrily on the hardwood, his broad back leaning against the wall.
The gang stood gathered in the living room. Goemon sat cross-legged on an armchair near the door, his usual meditative pose swapped for an intense gaze at his phone. A faint smile lay on his lips. Fujiko sat on its arm filing her nails.
"Well, it's not the craziest thing I've heard him say."
"Since when were you an optimist?"
"Since when were you a doubter? This is Lupin we're talking about."
"It's like I'm the only one with some sense here!" Rubbing his temples the gunman groaned. "A 90's American tv show, you've got to be frigging kidding me.."
"You can learn a lot from cartoons Jigen, just watch!" Lupin pawed at the receiver nearly ripping it off the wall. Punching the buttons quickly he put it to his ear and grinned.
"Hello?! ICPO? Emergency, there's a handsome guy in my house, oh wait a second cancel that, it's only me." Smiling ludicrously to himself, smugness practically dripping off his face, he waited for a response.
There was dead silence.
"What's that, your plan was so stupid they hung up on you? Shocker." Jigen said acidly, lighting another cigarette.
"I said no smoking downstairs! You'll ruin Goemon's sushi!" He swung the phone at Jigen knocking the embers off the tip of the roll.
"Forget this! Can't smoke, can't drink anything in the fridge, can't have one of the burgers, you're on your own with this I'm out!" The door slammed behind him with such force that it sprung open again. The setting sun soaked the living room in an golden glow.
"Your job is just to pop a tire so go ahead and leave!" Removing his hand from the bottom piece of the phone he brought it closer to his ear. He cleared his throat nervously.
"Still nothing Lupin? Did you remember to pay the phone bill?" Fujiko spoke with concern, but she was starting to look rather interested in the front door.
"Of course I did! What am I, an idiot!?"
Before anyone could agree, Goemon snapped his fingers triumphantly.
"Did you remember to hit the dial switch? Fujiko explained to me that after entering the combination, one must then select dial to perform a call." He was beaming with pride, like a schoolboy returning home with a good grade.
Amusement blooming on their faces, especially Lupin's, he looked apprehensively at the receiver face.
"CRAP!"