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As she sits there, just staring at her screen, Maya can’t help but let out the sigh that she was holding in. She was dressed in her blues, all ready to go, but for some reason, she just couldn’t bring herself to get up and actually go. They were all meant to be going to the annual firefighter ball where she was supposed to be being honoured with a medal of bravery, but for some reason, the blonde just didn’t think she deserved it. She did what any other fire captain would have done. In her mind, she didn’t go above and beyond. She just did what she thought was right.
Pushing herself away from her desk, the blonde slouched in her chair as she placed her hands in her lap and tilted her head to look up at the ceiling. It had started off like any other fire, nothing out of the ordinary. Just a house that was burning with the family stuck inside. So she had of course sent her team in, and everything had been going great. The family members had come out fine and her team had gone back inside to finish clearing the scene. Everything was great. Until it wasn’t. The house had flashed over. The captain didn’t even think twice before placing on her oxygen mask and running in to pull her team members out. One by one. Literally dragging them as fast as her body could possibly take them and leaving them safely on the grass before going back in.
The only person who wasn’t on the bottom level was Andy. So she had gone up the next level to find her best friend but coming back was the hard part, they couldn’t cut back through the fire. So Maya gave the brunette her mask to get the oxygen flowing inside of her before clipping them together and jumping through the window with her. Just like they had done a few years prior. Thankful that another fire house had arrived just at the right time to put the airbag there to catch them. They’d all been knocked to the ground by the flash over, some out of it completely but she had to do what she had to do. Get her family out.
She didn’t deserve a medal for that. She was just doing her job. She was the one that had sent her station into the house. She wasn’t about to lose every single one of her team just because of a fire. They were her family. She’d do it all over again in a heartbeat if they needed her. But she still didn’t deserve a medal for it. They’d all turned out perfectly fine, only a little bit of smoke inhalation but they were fine. It still didn’t make her feel any better.
Maya loosened the tie that she’d put on moments earlier, just needing a little bit of breathing room. Standing up from her chair, Maya pulled her hair out of her bun as she ran her fingers through it. It was moments later when she’d discovered her feet had taken over her body and she had instead started to pace. This wasn’t good. She needed to do something.
Moving into her bunk, Maya pulled off her dress shirt, singlet and tie, placing them on the bed leaving the blonde clad only in her sports bra and dress pants. Kneeling on the ground, Maya began her push ups. Taking in deep breaths and pushing herself faster and harder. Not doing it for the need to count them. No. Moving faster and harder to get her mind onto something else. Something other than what was only a few hours away. Something other than Carina arriving very soon to accompany the blonde.
Taking in a few deep breaths and letting it go, Maya kept going. Pushing through the pain. She was used to the pain. This pain was nothing compared to what her father had put her through. Hearing movement outside of her door, it was moments later when the door to her bunk opened to reveal the brunette of her thoughts.
“Bambina, what are you doing? You’re only half dressed. As much as I am enjoying this half nakedness, we need to leave otherwise you’re going to be later.” Carina spoke as she came hustling into the room, fixing the dress that she wore. Maya didn’t look up. She knew if she did it would break her concentration and she’d stop the push ups that she were doing so instead, she kept her eyes forward.
“I’m fine here thanks. You go on ahead without me.” Maya spoke as she continued her push ups. Up and down. That was the only mantra that was going through her mind right now. Up. Down. Up. Down. She heard Carina about to speak but was cut off with someone else walking through the door.
“Maya we need to leave. Like now otherwise you’re going to do something very un-Bishop like and be late.” Andy spoke as she stopped at the sight of her best friend, and captain, doing push ups on the ground sans her two top shirts. “Maya what are you doing, you need to put that shirt on otherwise we will be late, because you know full well, I won’t be leaving here without you. Do not be late to somewhere that will have all of the big bosses. You need to impress them if you’re going to become Battalion Chief soon.”
At Andy’s words, Maya continued to push through as her mind thought about what her best friend had said. If she didn’t go there today, it would look bad on her rapport. And that’s something the blonde could definitely not have, especially if she was looking to being Battalion Chief. And it would look bad on Station 19, something of which they did not deserve. Taking in one deep breath, Maya let out a groan “Fine, if both of you could just wait outside please and I’ll be there in a bit.” Maya remarked, her eyes not once leaving the floor. Andy and Carina exchanged glances before doing as they were told and left the blonde to her push ups. Maya did a few more before doing as she was told and stopped. Quick to stand up and to get re-dressed and ready to go.
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“What is going on with her lately?”. Andy asked the doctor the moment they were out of ear shot from the blonde’s quarters. Carina couldn’t help but bite her lip as she looked towards the room where she had just left her girlfriend in her own thoughts. Licking her lips, Carina turned towards the brunette before speaking.
“Ever since the house fire where you all got knocked out, she has just...been kind always in her own thoughts. Every time I asked if she’s okay, she always gets defensive and says she’s okay. But I know her. She’s not okay. She’s in a funk that I just can’t seem to get her out of it. She’s fine when she’s not left to her own thoughts, like when we are together and spending time then she’s okay. But like right now, when she’s by herself? She’s not.”
Carina was worried. She was always worried about her love when she couldn’t be there with her, but even more especially now because she hated her being in her own thoughts. Especially thoughts that weren’t good. All she wanted to do was take Maya away from all of this and hold her tight and to never let go, but she couldn’t.
Andy nodded her head as she listened to Carina speak. She’d known Maya for years, but they knew each other’s lifetimes that would make their friendship really last forever. Maya didn’t need to tell her what was wrong, she could tell. “It’d seen that look before. After my father died and she was standing there after letting him up and onto the roof, I could see the pain then and it was exactly the same then as to what it is now. It’s regret for doing it but not regret because she did it. And with the medal ceremony...She doesn’t want the medal. She doesn’t want the medal because it’s a reminder to her of the decision that she’d made that almost cost her, her whole teams life. She doesn’t believe she deserves it because to her, she did what any other firefighter would have done. Risked their own lives to save their team. For me, I wouldn’t be here without her.”
As Andy spoke, Carina looked towards the door where her bambina was getting ready. She was accurate. Maya didn’t think she deserved the medal. Because in her mind, she had done what any other firefighter would have done in her position, but that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s something that they would’ve done if given the chance. Shaking her head, Carina spoke “ But she does deserve it. She has told me about some of the Captains, who, when they’re on a scene, would hesitate about going in. Would hesitate about getting dirty. Where as with Maya..she’s the first one in there.”
Andy cleared her throat before continuing “When I go into a fire, I don’t go in second guessing that I’ll make it out alive because I know, that I have Maya as our back up. I know that she’d much rather not come out of a fire if it meant the rest of her team would. And that’s exactly what it was like in that fire. I woke up alive and thankful because I knew, Maya had come in for me.” Smoothing back her wisps of her, Andy knew that was something without a doubt. She also knew that today at the presentation when Maya was receiving her medal, she’d be the one telling the speech and that’s exactly what she’d say. Every time. Before Carina has a chance to respond, they look up as the blonde in question exits, straightening out her jacket.
“Okay, I’m ready.” the duo nodded as they headed towards the main entrance of the station where they could see the rest of the house standing together, just waiting for their Captain. They all knew something had happened, but that’s purely because they were late. Never in Maya’s entire life was she late. But they didn’t question it. They knew it would’ve been for a reason.
“Captain.” Vic spoke with a nod and smile in her best friends direction. Maya returned the smile but it didn’t quite meet the corners of her eyes. The Captain moved towards Andy’s car, the brunette offering to drive. She felt stares on her back but she didn’t want to think about that right now. The rest of 19 followed their captains lead, with Robert walking over to join Andy, Carina and Maya in one car and Jack, Vic, Dean, Travis and Ben moving towards the other.
Sliding in the back next to her girlfriend, Carina took Maya’s hand in the back, almost expecting the blonde to pull away but when she squeezed the hand and kept it where it was on her thigh, Carina knew her girlfriend was there.
The car ride to the venue was quiet, the blonde staring out the window lost in her own thoughts where as the rest of the occupants were keeping their thoughts focused on her. When they came to a stop, Maya’s trance was broken and her mind was brought back to reality. Blinking to regain her sight, Maya looked up as she let out a deep breath.
“Here we go.”
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As Maya made her way around the room, greeting each Captain and Chief one by one, she couldn’t help but take in the surrounds. For these types of events, they really do go out. Everyone who was anyone was there, even the fire Commissioner of Seattle was there, that in itself meant the night was going to be big.
But no matter where she was walking around the room, no matter who she was talking to, whenever she lifted her gaze, she always caught sight of Carina watching her. Watching her with just love. Standing with the rest of 19, but all Maya could think about was just how lucky she was.
Carina was amazing, and she was incredibly lucky to have her in her life, and she’d really almost screwed it all up. All because she just couldn’t seem to shake the thought that kept building up in her mind. But she needed to. Carina was the one good thing in her life right now and that was something she couldn’t afford to screw up.
“Captain Bishop, what’s your thoughts?”. The Commissioner questioned, posing the question to the blonde’s direction. Although she had been completely caught up in her own thoughts, Maya could always seem to multitask and would partially listen to what they were saying.
“I would say it’d agree, with the need for more officers, but it’d also have to disagree at the same time as what we need more is more equipment in general. Do you know how nice it would be to go into a fire, knowing that you’ve got the best equipment to get through the fire? I mean, how can you possibly think that more officers would be enough when we need to take care of the ones that we have now?”. Maya couldn’t help but pose the question straight back.
She might be a Captain now, where she was supposed to go by the rules and respect those with power, but Maya still had the fire in her that wasn’t going to go anywhere. She had to go with her instincts, what good is having instincts if you don’t actually use them? The blonde turned her attention back to the Commissioner, waiting to see if she got a reaction and all she got was a little twitch of the eyebrow. She’d been told to expect that as a good thing. So to the blonde, she’d either answered correctly or he was just screwing with her.
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With Carina’s hand in her own, the blonde tried to not ring her fingers nervously. They’d been told to take a seat, with the ceremony moments to begin and all Maya could think about, was how she was supposed to say thank you for receiving a medal that she still wasn’t convinced she deserved. No matter how many times Carina or Andy said she did, she didn’t exactly believe it.
Letting out the breath that she was holding in, Maya looked around the table. At her own table, was the rest of Station 19 along with Carina, it was her family. It seemed as though each table only had the stations and their plus ones, if they were bringing in. Maya didn’t even want to bring her girlfriend a first, just the fact of not wanting the medal, but she also knew if she didn’t her girlfriend certainly would not be happy with her.
Feeling a squeeze on her hand, Maya was brought back to reality from Carina’s touch. She turned her head to smile at her girlfriend, enjoying the view that in her eye sight. Glorious. Remarkable. One of a kind. She really was beautiful. Carina leaned forward to press a soft kiss to the blonde’s cheek, knowing she needed a little bit of soothing to go through her body and Carina was going to try and do that. “I love you bambina.” Carina mouthed towards her girlfriend as the ceremony began “I love you too.” She mouthed back.
No matter how up and down her emotions were, she wouldn’t tell her girlfriend that she loved her. Because she did. With her everything. Giving Carina’s hand one last squeeze, the blonde turned her attention back to the stage, watching as the speeches started and other firefighters went up to collect their medal of bravery.
She knew she’d be up soon, they were going by station and although there wasn’t every number of houses, there were still at least ten before her. It still didn’t quench the nerves that she was still feeling though. She had been so caught up in her thoughts that she hadn’t even realized that Andy had stood up and was standing up on that stage, next to the commissioner.
“The next recipient for the medal of bravery is Captain Maya Bishop from Station 19. The person presenting this medal is her Lieutenant Andy Herrera of Station 19 as well.”
Maya had no idea the brunette would be making a speech, she just thought it would be a you did it congratulations sort of thing, nothing like this. Swallowing the lump in her throat, Maya let go of Carina’s hand and turned to the front, she’d have to go up once the speech was finished.
“Thank you Sir. Today I am here to present the medal of bravery to someone that I personally have known since being in the academy but back then, she wasn’t Captain Maya Bishop, she was just Maya Bishop, the girl who had aspirations and goals to reach. The same girl who wouldn’t stop until she did. And she didn’t. Today, that girl I met on the first day of the academy is Captain Maya Bishop. Who has gone through heaven and hell, just to get where she is now.” Andy spoke, turning her attention to meet her best friend’s gaze, smiling faintly at her before continuing.
“But we aren’t here today because of Cadet Maya Bishop. Instead we are here because of Captain Bishop, I personally am here and alive because of her. A few weeks ago, we responded to a typical house fire. My fellow firefighters and myself went into the house whilst Captain Bishop stayed outside and ran the scene. We’d gotten the family out and had gone back inside to finish up. Everything was going perfectly fine. Until a rare flash over happened and we were all knocked out. I was one of the unlucky ones as I was on the first level. But you know what, I didn’t worry. The moment I got knocked out, all I could think about was how lucky I was to have such an amazing Captain on the outside because I knew, no matter what happened, she’d be on her way in to take us outside. And I wasn’t wrong.” Andy swallowed the lump in her throat before continuing.
“Captain Maya Bishop had thrown on her oxygen mask and ran into that fire, carrying everyone out and placing them on the grass before running back inside one last time to find me. And she did find me. But it was too late as the fire had taken over our exit and the only way out was through the window. Maya did the one thing she knew she had to do. She gave me her oxygen mask to get my breathing flowing properly, strapped me to her body and then jumped out that window with me attached to her. I wouldn’t be here alive today without her. I wouldn’t be where I am today if it weren’t for my Captain. Every time I go into a fire, I don’t second think it. I go in, knowing if something were to ever happen, it’d make it out alive. Because of her.”
Maya felt a few emotions going through her body. She felt like she didn’t deserve the medal, didn’t deserve her team. But, she wouldn’t have done anything other than what she did, she needed her family in her life. Swallowing the lump in her throat, Maya pushed her chair back and stood up, making her way to the stage and up the stairs before coming to a stop in front of her best friend, watching as the medal was pinned to her chest and the box was handed to the blonde. Andy then threw her arms around her best friend, squeezing her gently. Maya smiled at the touch, she really did need that.
Stepping out of the touch, the blonde moved to the podium that Andy had left from and turned her attention to the mass in front of her. Looking over the attendees to see who was there but her gaze went to her girlfriend, if it weren’t because of her, she wouldn’t be here either.
“So, I’m standing up here today, accepting a medal that I personally don’t even think I deserve it. I’m doing something that any other firefighter would do for their own team, and it’d do it all over again just for my team, because as you know, your team is your family. And you do whatever you can for your family.” Maya spoke softly, licking her lips slightly as she continued “But I’m glad I did what I did. I get to be able to have my family with me. I get to have a team that really would run into the fire all because I ask them to. It’s because of them that I’m even here. So, this medal is for them as well.” With a nod in their direction, Maya smiles at her team. “So uhm, yeah. Thank you.”
And with that, the blonde is quick to leave the stage, to leave the spotlight that is thrown her way, and makes her way quickly out the back of the venue. She needed the air. She needed to get outside. She rounds the corner and finds a water fountain with an edge. The blonde takes a seat as she takes in a few deep breaths, letting them in and out. Definitely not what she was expecting.
Taking notice of someone coming up to her side, the blonde is brought out of her thoughts by a hand touching her cheeks and wiping at the tears that were rolling down her cheeks. The hand then went to cradle her cheek. Maya tore her gaze away from the ground as she looked up tearfully into the brown eyes of Carina.
“I know you don’t think you deserve this medal bambina but you do. You really do deserve it. Your team is alive because of you. They don’t blame you for sending them in there, they were doing their jobs. They did it because it’s who they are, Not from what they’re told.” Carina murmured softly as she rubbed Maya’s cheek softly with the base of her thumb.
Maya licked her lips, swallowing thickly. She knew she definitely did not deserve that medal. Not in the slightest. But if the members of her team and Carina did, well, that was something she’d have to deal with. Taking in a deep breath, Maya nodded her head as she looked at Carina tearfully.
“You’re incredible Maya. So definitely incredible and feisty. And I love you. I love everything about you. You’re remarkable bambina.” Carina spoke softly as she leaned forward to press a soft kiss on familiar lips. Standing up from where she was seated, Maya wipes at the dust that had made its way onto her dress pants. Even at her full height on a good day, she was shorter than Carina. But with her girlfriend currently wearing heels, well she was extra short today.
Cupping Carina’s cheek, Maya leaned up to press another kiss to her lips, pulling away with a soft smile. She really was in love with the brunette. She was thankful for the never ending support that she was giving her and had always given her. She’d be lost with out her. Pulling away from Carina, Maya straightened out her jacket and tie before wiping under her eyes, making sure to get rid of the mascara stain underneath her eyes.
Holding her hand out to her girlfriend, Maya smiled “Okay babe. Let’s go back inside. We’ve got some celebrating to do with the team.”