Archive of Our Own ^beta

Chapter Text

sav1our has created a new chat

sav1our has added grangerrr, r0nny,

and 7 others

sav1our has changed their name to 

mr worldwide

mr worldwide has changed 9 other names

mr worldwide renamed the chat to 

the wallows irl?!

mr worldwide : so. i made this. because. Y’know.

cock magic : harry what the FUCK is my name!!!

mr worldwide : art.

ariana called : i don’t get the joke

cock magic : singing

ariana called : is this homophobia?

cock magic : yes. yes it is.

doja cat : You both make me homophobic.

mr worldwide : i’m so glad that i don’t make you homophobic hermione <3

doja cat : No, you make me suicidal <3

ariana called : ABSOLUTELY UNCALLED FOR HAHAA

mr worldwide : i’m homophobic too now!

george : harry hates lesbians canon?

no, i’m george! : so canon

doja cat : I always knew it…

doja cat : Also, can everyone say their names and pronouns please? I don’t think I can guess who everyone is based on these… wonderful names :)

mr worldwide : you hate me. you want me dead. you call me slurs in my own home.

mr worldwide : also everyone knows this but. i’m harry, i go by he/him, and a few neos!

ariana called : i’m ron i go by he/they

doja cat : Hermione, she/her!

cock magic : blaise, he/they (strong preference for they tho…)

george : fred! he/him or honk/honks please!

no, i’m george : george! he/they/nya

big tiddy goth gf : oh my god my name…

big tiddy goth gf : pansy, she/they

scarecrow : HANSBENW OH MY GOD???

big tiddy goth gf : name and pronouns bitch.

scarecrow : ugh :( draco, he/him and moon/moons

baby gorl : Luna! She/they/fae please!

gru : ginny, they/them

doja cat : Okay, is that everyone?

mr worldwide : oui oui

doja cat : we are no longer on speaking terms.

ariana called : OOOO no capital letters…

cock magic : gonna get your ass beat!

scarecrow : it’s okay potter. i’ll soothe your pain with some…

scarecrow : SMOOTH JAZZ ;)

gru : draco if you don’t take that back right now…

scarecrow : whatcha gonna do weasel?

gru : haha. 

gru has added severussnape to the chat

gru has changed severussnape ’s name to Father Figure

gru : suck my fat hairy balls malfoy!

scarecrow : oh fuck me

Father Figure : language, draco.

mr worldwide : FATHER FIGURE HI!!!

Father Figure : harry why would you ever make this chat

mr worldwide : i’m lonely <3

Father Figure : hmm…

Father Figure : fat L to you!

gru : HAHAHAHAH

george : he really fucked you over harry boy!

mr worldwide : i feel so betrayed.

Chat between sav1our and dr4c0_

sav1our : hey babe can. can you come up here for a bit

dr4c0_ : i was just coming to see you, love

dr4c0_ : is something wrong?

sav1our : no, i just miss you

sav1our : and my dysphoria is kinda. mmm.

dr4c0_ : i get that,, want me to bring severus? or blaise and ron?

sav1our : maybe not bring… but can you ask severus if he can make me some stew? i know we have the house elves but. i just. prefer his stew.

dr4c0_ : of course darling. be there in a bit.

Chat between dr4c0_ and severussnape

dr4c0_ : hey

severussnape : yes, Draco?

dr4c0_ : can you make some stew

severussnape : you know. that we have house elves for that reason…

dr4c0_ : but nobody makes the stew like you do!

severussnape : is harry feeling dysphoric again?

dr4c0_ : how did you know?

severussnape : he’s the only one who ever wants me to make stew specifically. and usually when he’s dysphoric. you all like to ask for different things.

dr4c0_ : trans dad feeds his trans children?! not clickbait?!

severussnape : go see your boyfriend now, i’ll be there with stew soon.

dr4c0_ : severus snape gone soft?! not clickbait?!

severussnape : blocked and reported

the wallows irl?!

Father Figure : does anyone have any food requests? i’m making stew for harry, so now is your chance to ask.

baby gorl : wendys pussy drink

Father Figure : suddenly i cannot read

baby gorl : SORRY mr dad! I think I would like a sandwich… Ginny doesn’t need anything

cock magic : can i have juice

Father Figure : yes, what kind

cock magic : wendys pussy drink kind!

Father Figure has left the chat

Chapter Text

mr worldwide has added severussnape to the chat

mr worldwide has changed severussnape ’s name to Father Figure

Father Figure : it took you long enough to add me back, potter.

mr worldwide : i literally call you dad and this is the thanks i get? just “potter”??

ariana called : severus betrayed you…

Father Figure : never call me that again

ariana called : hm. i think i’ll keep calling you that!

Father Figure : heart brocken?

cock magic : oh my god he knows memes

Father Figure : i don’t live under a rock??

cock magic : you have that hermit vibe…

scarecrow : don’t insult my dad like this

ariana called : lucius malfoy cancelled!

scarecrow : so true

doja cat : Fuck that bitch

cock magic : ON GOD!!!

ariana called : mione!!!! language!!

doja cat : What

scarecrow : wifey i can’t believe you said fuck

ariana called : AND BITCH!!!

doja cat : I’m. Not a child.

mr worldwide : let hermione cuss!!

george : yeah!! let the lady curse!

Father Figure : ms granger… the audacity to say such words in front of moi, king of politeness

doja cat : Hop off my dick old man!!

george : AHSBWNAHHH!!!!

Harry hated the idea of even getting out of bed right now. He wished so deeply that he could sleep forever, hidden beneath his blankets without the pressure to face the whole school. Maybe he was being a bit dramatic, but he couldn’t care less. People wanted too much from him lately, and he wanted sleep .

Draco was a bit… distracting as well. His arms were wrapped tightly around Harry’s waist, and a small stream of drool dripped down his chin. Harry personally believed he was absolutely adorable, and was quite enamoured by the fact that he managed to text and almost instantly fall asleep afterwards. 

Fingers reached down into Draco’s platinum hair, and Harry gently began to pet him, eliciting a reaction similar to that of a sleeping cat. 

Yeah, Harry was definitely not getting up for class today.

the wallows irl

mr worldwide : not going to class today… neither is draco

Father Figure : bad day?

mr worldwide : not bad but. not good. don’t have the energy to get up.

Father Figure : i’ll let the teachers know. you don’t have my class today, so no need to worry about that.

mr worldwide : mm thanks dad

Father Figure : of course

doja cat : I’ll make sure to keep track of what happens today for you, Harry

mr worldwide : ily hermione

doja cat : you too, harry

doja cat : Ron says he is coming to stay with you guys?

mr worldwide : of course he is.

ariana called : of course i am!