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a thud echoed over the wide living room of their place. a huge place for three teenagers with a father who’s barely home. beautiful but so, so cold.
“from now on, you’re taking hits for two, yuzuha.” someone said.
yuzuha didn’t speak. she c an’t speak.
and the remaining hope for a happy family slips away.
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memories of last night’s event remain in hakkai’s mind and body. he can still feel taiju’s heavy punch in his cheek. he can still see yuzuha’s beaten-up face as she kneels before their brother. he can still hear himself crying, desperately pleading for him to stop.
that bastard. that heartless bastard.
hakkai can’t bring himself to get up and start another day. despite the sun shining so bright outside the window, all he feels are pain, disappointment, and emptiness.
‘how come i let him do that to my sister?’
‘why did yuzuha do that? for my sake?’
‘when did i become so useless ?’
he didn’t even feel his eyes tearing up or his hands that were shaking the whole time. he didn’t care about the tears soaking his pillow or the creases he made on the blanket as he gripped. gripped so hard, hoping it was the demon’s neck instead of some cloth. but then he had no choice, no power, and no guts.
‘pathetic.’, hakkai whispered to himself as he got up for school.
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he felt so numb. he didn’t even notice that school ended, not until one of his classmates nudged him and said that it’s time to go. he fixed his things, he didn’t have that much anyway, and went outside of the school.
hakkai hated walking back to that place. usually, he would take the farthest road and take his time walking. but now, all he can feel is guilt. he wonders how many hits have that demon landed on his sister with each second he spends while walking. how many hurtful words did she hear as he takes another turn away from that house. how can yuzuha still smile at him and say ‘welcome home’ every time he arrives.
hakkai went past a playground and decided to take a sit on one of the swings.
‘this is so awful.’ hakkai thought. ‘but i can’t do anything.’ he badly wants to break down in the middle of the street.
why did the world decide to pour all of its bad luck into his sister?
if he could just…
he grabbed the closest thing near him.
unfortunately, it’s a person.
punch.
if only he could punch that demon over, and over, and over again. maybe yuzuha wouldn’t be in so much pain.
“p—please! i didn’t do any—”
if only he could shove him on the ground and hit him until he bleeds. if he could only grab him by the neck and smack his face until it swells so much he couldn’t live without ice for days.
“s- s- stop! help... h- help! i—”
if only he could put an end to all of this, yuzuha would not suffer anymore.
if only he could—
someone grabbed his arm. “you’re going too far.”
‘huh? what am i doing?’ he looked underneath him and saw a boy, face all beaten up with tears pooling up his eyes.
‘did i… do this?’ hakkai thought.
the boy pushed him and run away. hakkai could only look at him go while still feeling so numb. he beat someone up. now, he’s no different from that demon. dread came up to his throat. pupils shaking, hands bleeding, oh god, he can’t breathe.
“violence should be used to protect.” his thoughts were interrupted when someone spoke behind him. he finally turned to the person who saved him from wrecking someone else’s face and was shocked to see a boy, probably a year older than him, and two little kids with him. then, the baby started to cry.
“there, there, he’s big and scawy, huh?” with a gentle tone, the guy hushed the crying baby in his arms. hakkai looked at the other girl standing behind a tree and back to the wailing child.
‘what a weird guy.’ hakkai thought as he stared at the boy standing before him. ‘well, i guess it’s time to go back there.’ he shrugged and picked up his bag but was stopped by another grab by his arm.
“why don’t you come to hang out with me at our home? sounds great, huh?” the guy asked and smiled at him.
for a moment, hakkai thought that the setting sun went closer to the earth because he felt his cheeks burn up. this man is dazzling, shining, and glowing. hakkai is burning, but he can’t look away. not when he’s smiling at him like he didn’t see hakkai beating some innocent person up. not when the grasp in his arm is so gentle, unlike the usual harsh tug that demon gives him. not when the look in his eyes provided more warmth than that place could ever give.
‘fuck, i could cry right now. this feels like a dream.’ he thought.
hakkai looked at the hand in his arm then to the eyes of the man who’s holding him. he opened his mouth to reply, hoping his voice won’t fail him.
“hm. it wouldn’t hurt, right?” as if trying to convince himself. this warmth, this comfort, this man… this wouldn’t hurt , right?
“pfft. of course, it won’t!”, and there it goes. the sun smiled, illuminating him.