Archive of Our Own

talesfromtheburgerbarn y'know how something ALWAYS happens when all three of the mods are on shift? yeah. holy SHIT. okay I gotta set the scene properly but I am currently losing my mind and I’m not the only one. the time: the lunch rush at its peak. as in, if you don’t work here and can’t make your food yourself, it’s gonna be an hour at best. come early or late if you don't want to have to wait unreasonably long, trust me. the place: my local burger barn. you know the drill, speculation about which burger barn we work at will result in an immediate block. might lighten those restrictions once none of us are working there anymore but that ain't happening anytime soon I can tell ya that. the scene: line is starting to form through the doors and outside because we’re perpetually understaffed and underpaid, I get sent out to give menus to the people standing outside and there’s. there’s this fucking… how do I even describe them. I’m pretty sure I’d get in trouble if I took a picture and also they might just disappear like one of the fae or someshit if I did and I like not being cursed!! anyway! this person is just… so pretty it should be illegal, they’ve got this really long Elsa-style braid but I think it’s like… light purple? idk I’m posting this from the bathroom. they were wearing really really light clothes which, considering how often shit gets spilled by customers or by employees here, either is a power move or means that they have absolutely no idea what they’re getting themself into. but!! most importantly?? they’ve got this fucking scarf that’s fucking. levitating I swear to fuck they’re some kind of deity or magical creature disguised as human or something. anyway my coworkers didn’t believe me so CP went to go look. she came back right when I was heading to the bathroom with a look on her face like she’d had some kind of religious experience so apparently I DIDN’T hallucinate the gnc af minor(?) god outside??? updates to come as they happen and as often as we can feasibly give them without fucking everyone else on staff here over or getting in massive trouble from the Manager. stay tuned. —Mod Mountain Dew (MD) #mod md#tales from the burger barn #we'll come up with a proper tag later#just managerial things 87352 notes

talesfromtheburgerbarn AND I FEEL GOD IN THIS BURGER BARN TONIGHT Mod CP here, what the FUCK actually. the… what are we calling them??? Religious experience incarnate??? Has entered the building. They are getting many similar looks from other customers but unfortunately having a gnc af religious experience incarnate visit our burger barn is not enough to get them to go eat elsewhere. or AHEM of course I don’t want them to eat elsewhere, it’s not like we’re perpetually understaffed and overworked here! …we are so fired if any of the managers ever figure out who it is behind this blog. MD had a good idea to hide behind initials of Pepsi products. Although ngl I would have preferred Cherry Coke to Cherry Pepsi… ENOUGH ABOUT ME THEY ARE STILL HERE AND I SWEAR THEY SMILED AT ME THE LAST TIME I LOOKED OVER THERE. MY LITTLE QUEER HEART CANNOT HANDLE THIS,, anyway now they’re chanting… something under their breath with their eyes closed. no one has any idea what language it is and at this point we’re all afraid to ask —Mod Cherry Pepsi (CP) #mod cp#tales from the burger barn #and I feel god in this burger barn tonight#just managerial things 118902 notes

talesfromtheburgerbarn aaaaaaaaaaa they have ORDERED, let’s fuckin GOOO! From RB, specifically, mainly because CP had a gay CRISIS when they got up to the counter and quickly grabbed the nearest other person to operate the register. Local god(?) seemed unoffended. Honestly from where I totally wasn’t listening in on the other register, they seemed incredibly polite. probably a bit more polite than RB deserved tbh given that he will flirt with anything remotely female-presenting but like… they didn’t?? seem offended??? when addressed with she/her pronouns as opposed to the they/them everyone else has been using to their face?? fuck did we misgender a god —Mod Mountain Dew (MD) #mod md#tales from the burger barn #and I feel god in this burger barn tonight 19739 notes

talesfromtheburgerbarn gods apparently eat burgers??? 1) she asked what I thought was good, I told her the ol’ southwestern with jalapeño jack cheese, she nodded and changed her order to that on the spot 2) iF SHE HAD AN ISSUE WITH SHE/HER PRONOUNS SHE DIDN’T TELL ME THAT AND I CANT READ MINDS YALL HAVE TO TELL ME THESE THINGS MY BEST FRIENDS HAVE BEEN FLIRTING WITH EACH OTHER FOR AS LONG AS I'VE KNOWN THEM AND I DIDN'T EVEN NOTICE UNTIL ANOTHER FRIEND POINTED IT OUT I HAVE KNOWN THESE TWO FOR D E C A D E S! MULTIPLE! 3) fuck you I can too keep it in my pants —Mod Root Beer (RB) #mod rb#tales from the burger barn #and I feel god in this burger barn tonight 23033 notes

talesfromtheburgerbarn we did NOT misgender a god ignoring any unhelpful comments from RB (we do not need to air our interpersonal drama on this blog thank you very much) I got to deliver him his food and asked to clarify. they hummed for a bit, then smiled (I see CP’s point, WOW) and said that while they appreciated the concern, they made a habit of seeing just what pronouns different people would assign to them, and generally find it quite amusing. so, uh, good news we didn’t misgender a god, mainly because she uses literally all the pronouns. also she claims not to be a god but isn’t that exactly what a god would say? —Mod Mountain Dew (MD) #mod md#tales from the burger barn #and I feel god in this burger barn tonight 395387 notes

talesfromtheburgerbarn crises of sexuality aside, holy shit he tipped REALLY well —Mod Root Beer (RB) #mod rb#tales from the burger barn #and I feel god in this burger barn tonight 608981 notes

talesfromtheburgerbarn we did not misgender a god but did we hallucinate a god? well damn I knew things Happened every time all three of us were on shift but I wasn’t expecting THIS wow did. did any of you get her name. because otherwise we have no proof that this wasn’t just a mass hallucination. —Mod Mountain Dew (MD) #mod md#tales from the burger barn #and I feel god in this burger barn tonight 10190 notes

talesfromtheburgerbarn we might have hallucinated a god its probs my fault things go wrong when were all here im sorry :( also i didnt get it but what are the odds that we completely hallucinated the whole thing —Mod Cherry Pepsi (CP) #mod cp#tales from the burger barn #and I feel god in this burger barn tonight 12103 notes

talesfromtheburgerbarn wow these posts are suddenly doing numbers, pretty high actually… also y’know I’m kind of surprised our manager hasn’t figured us out by now, on an unrelated note, it’s been months and the blog is fairly big… (also shut it, Pepsi, you have done literally nothing wrong in your life ever, also how the hell does this constitute things going wrong??) —Mod Mountain Dew (MD) #mod md#tales from the burger barn #just managerial things 1003 notes

talesfromtheburgerbarn for all of y'all new followers: we do have a ko-fi so we can quit our jobs at the burger barn someday maybe! DONT JINX US but also do you really think he knows how to use tungle (you underestimate how terrible my luck is, somethings going to go wrong I know it) —Mod Cherry Pepsi (CP) #mod cp#tales from the burger barn #just managerial things 976 notes

talesfromtheburgerbarn a very VERY important update update: we did not hallucinate this entire encounter they’re on TV. apparently they’re a prosecutor from Khura’in. and holy shit am I glad we didn’t piss them off??? I ASPIRE to that level of creative insultery WOW. somewhat related, uh, in case you’re wondering why we haven’t posted in a while, turns out our manager can in fact use the Blr and is trying to find us. good fucking luck you money-grubbing bastard <3 eat my ENTIRE ass. anyway we’ll be playing it a bit safer from here on out. on the clock, anyway. off the clock… >:) —Mod Mountain Dew (MD) #mod md#tales from the burger barn#and i feel god in this burger barn tonight#just managerial things 928288 notes

talesfromtheburgerbarn the odds just perpetually hate me huh cant fucking believe it was THIS that gave us away lmaooo what are the odds. what are the fucking odds. —Mod Cherry Pepsi (CP) #mod cp#tales from the burger barn#and i feel god in this burger barn tonight#just managerial things 3039 notes

talesfromtheburgerbarn we don't have time to unpack all this, but y’know I would guess that it’s something to do with the fact that our rambling about the UNREASONABLY pretty god that apparently visited our burger barn and made me question my heterosexuality went kinda viral. just a thought. —Mod Root Beer (RB) #mod rb#tales from the burger barn#and i feel god in this burger barn tonight#just managerial things 789362 notes