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Agatha
I didn’t expect to see Simon and Baz again. Not at Watford, anyway. (I still leave the grounds sometimes. Now that I'm back on this side of the planet my mum makes me visit.)
I probably should have expected it though. They're attracted to danger like moths to light. Like goats to lesbians.
"What are you two doing here? Is the world in danger again?" I'm leaning onto my walking stick and my dress flows in the wind.
They both stare at me like I grew a second head. "What are you doing here?" Simon asks. He's holding Baz's hand (they always seem to hold hands) and he's rubbing circles over his thumb.
I huff. "I'm the goatherd now." They both look like they've taken a slap to the face. (Fair. It's not like I bothered to tell them.) "So," I brush my hair out of my face, "what are you doing here?"
Simon squeezes Baz's hand. "I needed to look something up in The Magickal Record."
I move my walking stick in my other hand. "For dangerous things?"
Simon shakes his head. "No. Just...things. I wanted to make sure."
I furrow my brows. I have no idea what he's talking about. I turn over to Baz hoping he can have some sort of answer for me but he just looks at Simon like he hang the moon. (Typical.) (Is this how I look at Niamh? How she looks at me? I hope it is.)
I look back at Simon. "Make sure of what?"
Simon smiles. "I think I've found my family."
Simon
It feels weird to say it. Found my family. They were never lost. I was the lost one. The one who got taken away. I thought they didn't exist. I thought they were Normals. (I thought I was Normal. I guess I sorta am. Now. But I'm a lot more fine with it than I used to be.)
Agatha looks at me. Gaping. "Family?" She mutters. She looks back at Watford. "Does that mean that you're-"
"We think my parents were mages, yeah."
Baz turns to me and frowns. He's giving me one of those faces like They weren’t just mages Simon. Your father was The Mage.
I don't think I'm ready to tell this part to people. That I was always The Mage's heir. That he was my dad. (That he abandoned me. Lied to me. Used me, even though he knew I was his son.)
Baz pinches my bicep. "We don't just 'think'. We know."
Agatha looks at us like she can't decide if she should leave or stay. Then she asks. "Did you find anything useful?"
Simon shrugs. "Not really. I don’t know."
Baz pinches me again. "We did."
We're still holding hands. None of us want to let go. Baz is moving his free hand around as he speaks even as his other one shakes a little by his side, still holding onto me.
"We already knew everything we needed to know. You lifted that Excalibur sword. The Salisbury heirloom."
Agatha
Salisbury?
"Simon, are you a Salisbury?"
Simon shrugs at me and smiles with the corner of his mouth. Baz squeezes his hand. "Yeah, I guess."
Baz looks like he wants to pinch Simon again. (If you ask me, he just wants to keep touching Simon. I think they're glued to each other now.) (I wonder if me and Niamh are gonna be like this one day.)
I turn back to look at Simon. If I look at him more closely, if I know what to look for… he looks like my picture of Lucy.
"Simon, do you know the name of your mother?"
Simon looks up at me, surprised. He's been looking down at his and Baz's hands, the two of them still smiling like a pair of bloody idiots. (Surely, Niamh and I aren't like this? Right?) (Would it be bad if we were?)
"Lucy," Simon says.
"Oh…" I don't know if I should tell Simon I have a picture of his mom. That I named my dog after her. That she's the reason I had the courage to leave, to get away. Does that mean Lucy is dead? Does that mean she never got out?
Maybe I'll tell him all of this some day. Maybe I'll give him the picture. But I don't think that's what he needs right now.
I smile at him. "That's nice Simon. That's good."
He shrugs. " S'pose."
Baz frowns again and tags at Simon’s sleeve. He sways in his direction. "It is good."
Baz
I want him to know that it's alright to be happy. That it's okay. That no one is going to take this away from him. Not anymore.
He still acts like if he allows himself to be happy about something it will go away. But it wouldn't. It's not going to.
Lady Salisbury loves him. So does his uncle. So do I.
I know it's a lot for him. I know it's not easy. It's never easy for him, for us. But we're all here for him. To give him support. To give him love.
Everyone loves him. (I love him.)
I squeeze his hand. "It’s good."
He squeezes back.
Agatha
I think they're having a moment. (They always have moments.)
I think of silently going past them, but as soon as I take a step Simon turns back to me.
"Are you tending the goats?" He asks.
I nod. "Yeah."
He looks sheepish, embarrassed. "Can we come?"
Baz looks mortified.
Baz
Nevermind.
I hate him.
Agatha
I don't know if I want Simon here. But he looks hopeful, and he's giving me that kicked puppy expression of his and I don't think I can refuse him.
"Sure," I say.
Simon beams.
Baz groans.
Baz
This is a new suit. Now it's going to get grass stained. Now it's going to smell like goats.
I turn to Simon, but he's gloating. He's beaming down at me. His wings twitch under his shirt, the material stretching but not ripping.
He kisses me on the cheek. He takes my other hand and drags me up the hill after Wellbelove. "Come on!"
I love him. "I hate you."
He laughs. "Come on!"
I go. I'd follow him anywhere.
Agatha
Niamh finds us on the hill. I'm sitting on my favourite stone, watching the herd and Simon. He's flying, rising high in the sky, then dipping down with speed and changing direction at the last minute. Baz is looking at him too, under a tree. Simon took off his shirt, and Baz spelled it into a blanket. He looks positively whipped.
Niamh comes from behind me. "Hi," she says. She brought lemonade. Two glasses. She looks at Baz and then up into the sky at Simon. She stares back at her lemonades, frowning. "I didn’t know they were here."
I laugh. "They weren’t supposed to." I grab her by the hips, dragging her closer. She lets me. I kiss her. "Hi," I say, and I think I'm beaming. (I wonder if I look like Baz right now. Probably.)
Somewhere in the sky we hear a shout. "You're gay too?"
Simon
I was flying over the hills when I saw Niamh park her car outside the gates. I didn't realise it was her car at first. She came up the hills to Agatha. At first I thought they were talking really low but then I saw Niamh cup Agatha's face. They were kissing.
I didn’t mean to shout.
Agatha
Simon comes back down next to us. Baz is looking at us too, like he's confused. (Like he's impressed.) He gets up from Simon’s shirt and spells it back, coming towards us.
Simon ignores him. "I didn’t know you were gay, Aggie."
I stare at him. "It’s a recent discovery."
He smiles. "It’s great! I'm happy for you!" His tail is wiggling behind him. Baz catches it in his hand and swirles it on his hands.
Baz looks up at us. First at me, then at Niamh. His eyebrow arches. I wanna punch him. He smirks. "Not bad, Wellbelove."
I shrug. I turn back to Niamh, but she's not saying anything. She's staring at the lemonades in her hands. She frowns. "I'll bring more," she says, and she goes down the hill leaving me alone with my ex-boyfriend and his boyfriend whom I thought I used to have feelings for. (I didn't. I didn’t have feelings for either of them.)
Simon plops on the ground. His tails tugs at Baz and he bends down a bit. Simon drags Baz's arm, and he falls into Simon's lap. ("Falls".)
I'm still sitting on my stone, and Simon has to raise his chin to look at me. He smiles. "When did it happen?"
I look at him. That's a good question. When did it happen?
"I don't know." I'm brushing my palms over my knees, shooting out my dress. "I didn’t like her and then I did."
Baz turns to Simon. His nose is touching his cheek. "That sounds familiar."
Simon shoves at him. "That's great Agatha."
I nod. "It is."
Baz is hiding his smirk in Simon's neck.
"What are you laughing at?" Simon says, frowning. He looks at him like he expects him to be a dick and he's warning him not to be. (Accurate.)
"Nothing," he says, but he's still smirking. He looks at me. "Have you ever actually liked Simon?" (He's enjoying this. Fucking bastard.) (I know he used to be jealous of me. I know he must be livid.)
"I- I liked Simon." Baz's face falls. I keep going. I think Simon deserves to know. I don’t think he'd be mad. "As a friend. Always as a friend."
Baz lifts his eyebrow. I turn to Simon, but he doesn't look upset. He shakes his head, like he gets it. (I don’t know if he actually gets it.) Baz keeps going. "Have you liked me?"
I gag. "No."
Simon laughs loudly, and Baz slaps him on the shoulder. His wing twitches.
I look at both of them. I inhale and I hold the air deep in my lungs. I exhale. "I'm a lesbian."
Simon beams. "That's awesome, Agatha."
"Congratulations, Wellbelove."
I don't say anything. There isn't really anything to say. Simon is still smiling, though. It's similar to Baz's smirk. (They spend too much time together.)
"It’s kinda funny isn't it?" He asks.
"What?" "What's funny?" Baz and I ask at the same time.
“That you're a lesbian and you thought you had a crush on Baz. And he's ...you know."
"Hopelessly in love with you?" I supply.
Baz frowns at me. Simon smiles. "Gay."
I smile with the corner of my mouth. "I suppose it is a little funny. Especially since he looks as straight as a circle."
Baz looks at me like I've personally offended him. Simon shrugs. "She's right."
"I lived at the top of a tower with you for seven years and you didn't figure it out."
Simon shrugs again. "Yeah, but that's ‘cause I'm thick. Agatha was just repressing."
I stare at him. I don’t know if I should feel offended or not. Baz smirks. He looks at me and shrugs in the way Simon does. "He's right."
I try to kick him with my foot, but they're a little further than me.
Baz tuts. "Not nice, Wellbelove."
Simon
I think if things were different, Baz and Agatha could have been good friends.
They still can be. (I think. I don’t know if Agatha wants to be our friend anymore.) (But she'll always be mine.)
She looks good now. Better than we were dating. She looks more bright. I think she looks better than California too, even though I can't be sure. (She was in danger when we were there.)
She looks happy. I hope she's happy.
Agatha
"Are you happy?" Simon asks, looking up at me. It takes me off-guard. It takes Baz off-guard too.
I don't know. Am I happy? I look back down the hill. Niamh is coming up again with four lemonades in hand. She's moving slowly. Very slowly. I think of our first kiss. I think of all our kisses after that. I think of her frowns. How I'm learning to read her more every day. I think of her sleeping with me in the loft. I think of her arms.
And I think of the goats. I think of taking care of them. I think of taking care of them with Niamh.
I think I'm smiling. My cheeks hurt. I turn back to Simon. He's still looking up at me, eyes big and questioning, smiling just as big. Baz has his hands over his neck. He's basically nuzzling at his cheek. (Niamh and I sit like that too.)
"Yeah," I say finally, when Niamh is almost up. I look at her over my shoulder. "I am."