Archive of Our Own

“Hey! Kaka-sensei!!! How’s it going? Yamato-taicho out yet?”

“Naruto, you really shouldn’t yell in a hospital. It’s disrespectful. People are dying here.”

Kakashi pinched the bridge of his nose, exhaling an agitated sigh. He shook his head as Naruto and Sai approached, and turned his attention back onto the well-worn pages of his favorite Icha Icha to feign reading, and avoid any further, probing dialogue. Unfortunately, the pair before him never were ones to respect, or even notice, social cues. 

Naruto threw himself into the chair next to Kakashi, groaning loudly. 

“I wish they’d give an update or something!”

“They’re probably very busy,” Sai replied matter-of-factly. “Would you rather a nurse step away to tell us what’s going on, or continue their job?”

“Stay in there! But, come on, I heard Yamato-taicho practically got himself blown up! They should tell us one way or another how it’s looking, datte-bayo!”

Inwardly, Kakashi flinched, though he did not look up from the pages of his book. 

‘She took his hand, and he smiled deviously.’

‘She took his hand, and he smiled deviously.'

He read the sentence over and over, the words sounding like a foreign language in his head. 

As much as he could appreciate the kids coming in concern for their former Captain, Kakashi really wished they would just go. 

“You should have more faith in Sakura, and her medical staff,” Sai concluded, taking his own seat on the other side of Kakashi and settling in with his sketch pad.

Naruto groaned again, fussing uncomfortably in his chair. 

“This waiting is the worst, and hasn’t even been five minutes! I’m going to go in and peek.”

“Nope,” Kakashi finally interjected. 

“Oh, come on!” Naruto protested. “Don’t you want to know what’s going on in there?”

“I do not want one second of attention taken from Tenzo’s critical care because you have barged in, and need to be thrown out.”

Kakashi meaninglessly turned a page in his book as Naruto started to pouted. 

“Plus, I already tried...” 

“What?!” Naruto gaped, snapping erect and enraged.

Sai chuckled softly, shaking his head. 

“Sakura’s such a brute, she even has the Rokudaime on a leash,” he laughed to himself. 

Frowning beneath his mask, Kakashi resigned from any further debate. Sai was right of course, Sakura had grown into a brute of incredible strength that demanded respect, but, more than that, it had been the overwhelming smell of Tenzo’s blood through his keen nostrils that had forced him to wait down the hall. 

“How long have you been waiting, then?” Sai asked, recovering from his own amusement. 

“Since they brought him in. I’d received word, and was able to meet the shinobi bringing him back at the village gate.”

“Hokage-sama, that was nearly twenty-four hours ago,” Sai noted.

“I suppose so...” Kakashi trailed off. It all blended together, a terrible blend of reality flying in out of body flashes before him, and the impossibly slow drag of time as he waited. 

“Please,” he added in a grumble. “Enough with the ‘sama.’”

Naruto sat forward, opening his loud mouth, only to be interrupted by the doors of the operating room opening up. A nurse crossed toward them, haggard and heavy, blood-shot eyes darting to the floor as soon as he caught sight of the Rokudaime on his feet and locked in on his every step. 

“Lord Sixth,” he said, reaching them and offering a nervous bow. “Naruto. Sai-Taicho. Thank you for your patience. Yamato-Taicho is stable. His reconstructive surgeries were a success, and he’s expected to eventually make a full recovery.”

Kakashi’s breath left his lungs, his heartbeat losing its rhythm as the words echoed through his ears.  Beside him, Sai’s shoulders relaxed, and a tiny, quivering smile broke over his lips, while Naruto punched a fist in the air with a joyous whoop. 

“Can we see him?” 

“He’s resting now,” the nurse explained. “Sakura-sama said he would be ready for visitors tomorrow afternoon, at the earliest.”

“I’d like to see him now,” Kakashi insisted, summoning up a sprinkling of his charm  to coat his demand. “I promise I won’t be any disturbance.”

“I-uh... Sakura-sama was quite adamant...”

Kakashi’s eyes narrowed, charm gone as quickly as he’d forced it to come. 

“I’m asking as your Hokage.”

“I can- uh,” the poor nurse stammered, fidgeting nervous hands by his side. “I can ask Sakura-sama about you specifically, Lord Sixth...”

“Please.”

“Y-yes sir. Right away, sir.”

A quick bow and he’d gone, Naruto blowing a surprised sigh from puffy cheeks as they watched the nurse practically run back down the hall. 

“Geez, Kaka-Senpai, you nearly made that poor guy shit himself... And what, you’re not going to bring us with you if you get to go back?”

“No.”

“Ugh- why not!?”

“Naruto,” Sai cautioned gently. “It’s different for Kakashi-sama. Just let him have the first visit alone.”

“Different?!” Naruto carried on, thoughtlessly. “No it isn’t - I care about Yamato-taicho, too!”

“It’s different,” Sai insisted once more, this time leaning in with wide eyes and serious implicit inflection. “Show some respect.”

Naruto opened his mouth as if a light bulb lit over his head, and a mischievous grin overtook his face with no degree of subtly. 

“I guess...” 

Frowning slightly, Kakashi fully tuned back in to the conversation around him, trying to shake off the shock of the good news that’d come down the hall. 

“Different?” He asked. 

“Yes,” Sai smiled, setting what was supposed to be a reassuring hand on Kakashi’s arm. “It’s okay. We know. We’ve known for a while.”

The lines of Kakashi’s frown deepened.

“Known what? Different how? What are you talking about?”

“Kaka-Senpai, you don’t have to pretend with us anymore, datte-bayo.”

A flustered flush started to warm Kakashi’s cheeks beneath his mask. He hated social antics like these - being the odd man out of some kind of inside joke about himself. This was supposed to be a happy moment. It was an emotionally overwhelming moment enough of its own - to have waited so long for a report, and to receive one of good news. It wasn't ever good news. And now, he couldn’t even process it with the kids carrying on some kind of secret, seemingly at his expense. 

“Pretend what?” he demanded. 

Naruto and Sai shared a tentative grin. 

“That-that you’re not in love with Yamato-taicho,” Sai finally clarified. 

Kakashi recoiled, face contorting. 

“It’s okay,” Sai went on. “There’s nothing to be ashamed of, sexuality and gender are a spectrum, and that’s beautiful. Naruto likes men, too.”

“Hey!” Naruto protested, feigning objection before relaxing his pointed finger in defeat and sighing. “Yah, okay...”

“You think...” Kakashi finally managed in a tiny, hollow voice. “You think I’m...”

“Are you going to tell him? When he wakes up, I mean?” Sai asked. “I’ve read it’s very endearing to make romantic proclamations after near-death experiences.”

“I-no. No... I’m not going to - I don’t - Why would you think that...? Is this a joke? This is a joke...”

“Come on! Kaka-sensei, cut the act!” Naruto demanded. “Everybody knows!”

“Everybody?” Kakashi gasped. “This is something everybody thinks?”

The pair agreed in unimpressed synchronized nods. 

“It’s written all over your face all the time,” Sai elaborated plainly. 

Sheepish and shrinking, Kakashi murmured in confused defense, “I wear a mask...”

“That’s how obvious it is, datte-bayo!” Naruto shouted, arms flailing emphatically. 

“In reality,” Sai continued, almost as an observation for himself. “For being the Hokage, you’re pretty bad at being secretive.”

Steam nearly exploded out of Kakashi’s ears, and he launched himself immediately into a messy line of thought that spewed from his mouth faster than his frenzied mind could process. 

“I- you two - you can’t honestly think... I mean, sure, Tenzo and I have worked together a long time, and I guess you could say that we’ve grown pretty close through the years, but, I don’t know where you’re getting...” 

He trailed off, still unable to say the actual words. 

“Anything else...”

Sai rolled his eyes, pursing his lips, as Naruto thrust an accusatory finger towards his former-sensei’s face. 

“So, we’re just supposed to think all that staring is just platonic? Every time you bring him snacks or water out on the training fields? You never bring me snacks!”

“He’s also the only person I’ve seen you initiate physical affection with,” Sai added. “You put your hand on his shoulder, lean in close to whisper something directly in his ear. You don’t push Gai off if he gets close, but Yamato-taicho is the only person you engage with on your own.”

“You always put your sleeping bag right next to his when we went on missions together,” Naruto said quickly, he and Sai starting to gain steam, closing in on Kakashi with the fastening momentum of damning evidence.

“You tease him at a constant, which is typically an immature approach to flirting practiced by preteens, I’ve read.”

“Yah, you seem to like watching him get riled up, datte-bayo.”

“It’s one of the few times we’ll see you smile, or even hear you laugh.”

He tuned them out, losing himself in his own sudden succession of revelation. Hardly had he ever look inward, and certainly not for emotional evaluation. Things were smoother that way - deal with what needs to be done in the present; analyze a situation for action. Emotion inevitably wound its way through his life, and it wasn’t as though he shunned it, but he certainly wasn’t actively engaging with it. It wasn’t until that moment, standing in the hospital waiting room, that he ever allowed himself to acknowledge the “why” with Tenzo. Why had he spared his life when they were children and Tenzo had attempted assassination of the Hokage? Why did he trust the conflicted Foundation boy, or refuse to strike him down when he’d come for Kakashi’s own eye? Why did he defy the Hokage, Lord Danzo, and risk his life, breaking into the Foundation, to rescue and rename him? Why did Tenzo bring warmth through his body, comfort and ease into his mind? Why was it so completely satisfying to watch the man get all worked into a frenzy over the most ridiculous thing? Why did he often visit in dreams? Why was it that he could share his meals with Tenzo, causally, mask down, often leaning his head back, eyes closed with a smile spread effortless, and wide? Why did it feel like the crackling sting of sparks over his skin when they’d touch, even in the briefest of brushes? Why did he crave the feeling over his every last inch? 

“Not to mention, You’re the only one that calls him ‘Tenzo.’”

The sound of Tenzo’s name from Naruto’s lips was enough to barely snap Kakashi back into the conversation. 

“That’s his name...” Kakashi said soft, and firm. 

“But, it hasn’t been for years, datte-bayo! You’re the only one that uses it.”

“And you will with this little playful inflection,” Sai tacked on. 

“I do not!”

“Yah, you do,” Naruto laughed, realizing it for the first time himself. “Now that I’m thinking about it - you do say it funny. ‘Tenz-o.’”

“No, it’s not like that at all,” Sai corrected, turning to the blonde. “It’s more sing-song-y. There’s a cadence to it. ‘Tenn-zo’”

“That’s what I did, datte-bayo! ‘Tenz-o.’”

Sai shook his head, repeating as he deemed the correct way, “Tenn-zo.’”

“Ten-zo.’”

“Tenn-zo!’”

“Ten-zo!’”

“Ten-zo!’” Sai frowned. “No wait, now I’ve lost it. Hokage-sama, you say it.”

The boys finally looked again to Kakashi, who didn’t speak, and instead stood, pale, and trembling.

“Kaka-sensei, are you okay?” Naruto asked. “Are you crying?”

Kakashi made no effort to answer, himself shocked to find, that when he did reach a hand up to the top of his cheek, a tear had in fact managed to slip out. He examined the droplet on his finger in disbelief, and chuckled briefly beneath his breath. 

Sai and Naruto shared a glance. 

“I think we broke him...”

Just then, the door to the operating room swung open, and Sakura, beyond exhausted, came charging down the hallway to meet them.

“Kakashi-sensei,” she scolded, heavy steps thudding closer. “How dare you try and use your position to weasel your way in sooner. Yamato-taicho needs rest - sleep! We all know, if you went in there, he’d wake up, and you’d find some way to bully him, or get him all worked up! Let the man sleep for at least-"

She stopped short, finally drawing close enough and out of her own head enough to notice the strange airs in front of her. Her eyes popped to see the glassy wet of her former sensei’s. 

“Listen, I realize you’re probably in shock...” she started again, a bit softer this time. “He is going to recover, but if he had been brought in any later... It is a lot to process... Maybe you could just peek in from the doorway, see that he’s okay? Would that be enough to hold you over?”

“I have to go.”

A puff of smoke and he was gone, leaving the kids rather stunned. 

“I’ve never seen him like that...” Sakura said quietly after a beat. 

“For the record,” Sai blurted. “I blame you, Naruto.”

“What?!” Naruto roared in response. “How is it my fault? You’re the one that started it!”

“Started what?” Sakura asked, grabbing a threatening fistful of Naruto’s shirt. “You upset Kaka-sensei?”

“I didn’t do anything, datte-bayo! Sai was the one that asked him if he was going to confess love for Yamato-taicho!”

“You what?!”

“Sakura,” Sai scolded, tactlessly. “Get ahold of yourself. We’re in a hospital.” 

Rage lit behind the kunoichi's eyes, green irises practically burning red. She lifted Naruto by his shirt, effortlessly flinging his body up, through the air and slamming him into Sai as a weapon of her fury. Both men cowered on the floor beneath her looming presence. 

“Talk,” She commanded between ground teeth. “Before you need to be admitted.”

“Okay, okay!” Sai conceded, hands raised in surrender. “But, Sakura, come on - everyone knows Lord Sixth has feelings for Yamato-taicho. And we all know that the feeling is very much mutual from Taicho’s end as well.”

The kunoichi shook her head. 

“We don’t all know that!”

“Sakura-Chan, even I caught on,” Naruto confessed. “Who doesn’t know at this point?”

“He doesn’t! Kakashi-Sensei doesn’t.”

“Oh...” 

For a brief moment, Sai and Naruto shared a flick of the lights on in their respective minds, their eyes growing wide as the understood.

“Well,” Sai started again, looking back to Sakura, and explaining as innocently as possible. “He does now.”

Kakashi tore across the village rooftops, no idea or awareness of where he was headed. He wished, more than anything, to run right out of his skin. His body felt clammy, coated in a cold, clingy sweat as his stomach churned and mind reeled. Though his throat blazed in efforts to keep emotion down, the man’s cheeks still wet with an unstoppable silent stream of tear after tear. 

He found his vision blurring - partially from the desperate restraint of his crying, and partially from the flood of memories playing over and over and over in his head. 

When he found his body had stopped running, and reality reformed around him, Kakashi realized he had run to the edge of a training field, under the branches of an epic, towering tree. This is where he and Tenzo had trained Naruto together, where they started work again on the same team, where Tenzo had found the patience and kindness to grow for Kakashi a shady place to read porn while he and Naruto exhausted themselves to no end. 

Kakashi reared an arm back, slamming it, hard as he could, into the trunk of his shade tree. Splinters sprayed out from the massive, new injury to the wood, and instantaneously, Kakashi gasped in regret. 

“No...” he whimpered. 

Pathetically, he scooped up handfuls of the broken tree bits and shoved them against the damage he’d done, willing the tree to mend itself. 

“No.”

His hands hung, wood chips falling to the ground, and his forehead met with the trunk, his knees to the grass. He sunk there, losing the battle against his rising emotion, arms wrapping tight as they could around his body to try and stuff the feeling back in, to just keep it inside, force it back down and lock it away. 

“No!” 

A sob escaped, shaking him briefly and demanding a sharp inhale. He growled against the release of any more, his head pounding now, throat on fire and lungs about to burst. 

“Kakashi?”

“Gai,” he blurted, turning to see his lifelong best friend, pulled up in his wheelchair just behind him. “Fight me."

Gai’s face didn’t change, the sharp focus of his most intense gaze fixed intently on the man he declared his eternal rival, unwavering against Kakashi’s challenge. 

“I went to the hospital to check on things,” he said instead, an unmistakable gentleness reaching out through his every word. “The kids told me you left in a hurry.”

“I don’t want to talk about it. I want you to fight me.”

“You need to talk about it.”

“I challenge you,” Kakashi insisted, bouncing up, on his toes a bit, and loosening his arms. 

“Not now, Kakashi.”

“Seriously?” He nearly roared. “You never have denied a challenge! You’re relentless with me all the time! Fight me!”

The Rokudaime swung, a lazy, sloppy mess of moves easily blocked and redirected by Gai from the seat of his wheelchair. 

“You’re crying,” Gai said simply. 

“I am not. I’m sparring you.”

“Rival, you can’t go on like this.”

“Shut up.”

Catching his leg mid-kick, Gai tossed Kakashi into the dirt. 

“You can’t run from this any longer.”

“I can, and I will.”

Kakashi charged back in, this time allowing muscle memory to take over, and bringing Gai up out of his wheelchair to defend.  

“I’ll run as far as I need to. I’ll leave the village, become a rogue. I’ll-"

“Do you hear yourself?” Gai caught him by the collar slamming their foreheads together and bellowing directly into Kakashi’s face. “You are the Hokage. You are not the boy wishing for death any longer.” 

Kakashi struggled against the hold, slipping free and raising an arm. Gai’s fist made it first, slamming full force into his rival’s cheek and sending him back to the ground. 

Finally, Kakashi paused, his head spinning, throbbing, and vision spotted with stars. His chest heaved. 

“You are the man that has established an era of peace in this shinobi world. You are the man who has faced his demons and put them to rest. It’s time for you to face and embrace a future, a life, youth...”

Gai brought himself to the ground, searching for Kakashi’s eyes to meet the tenderness in his. 

“Why are you crying?” 

Kakashi bit hard again against the pressure mounted through his chest, desperate to burst free. He shook his head against it. He refused Gai’s gaze. 

“If you can’t admit it to me, then you won’t be able to admit it to him.”

“No,” Kakashi choked, shaking his head again. 

“At the very least then, admit it to yourself.”

It was slow, painfully so, but the shake of the Hokage’s head stilled, his tear-blurred vision finding the horizon, and he allowed his lips to come unclenched from the clamp of his jaw, shallow breaths panting out from between them. 

He looked at last to Gai, the tears spilling out, glittering down his cheeks in the sunlight. 

“I love him.”

A sob sucked his breath away, and a near hysterical grin took his lips. How absurd, he thought, to hear such a confession from himself. 

The next sob came out pierced through a laugh, and he wiped at his eyes as the real tears came in, no longer being restrained. 

“I love him.” 

Gai beamed. More than he’d ever wanted to out-skill his rival, had been Gai’s desire to see Kakashi finally engage in the pursuit of living his own life - and there it was before him, after all the dark years gone by - sobbing and smiling in the sunshine. 

He rested a hand to Kakashi’s shoulder. 

“Go.”

“Thank you, Gai.”

In a puff of smoke, Kakashi was gone. He brought himself back home for the time being, to release, to process. Besides, Tenzo needed time, too. And he gave it to the both of them, mostly out of his own state of emotional impairment, but, nonetheless honoring Sakura’s original request, and making a first appearance to the hospital not a second past noon the next day. 

He looked frustrated there, laid out on his bed in a deep sleep, his brow furrowed and jaw clenched. Even with the softening of his face that came with the removal of his happuri, his Tenzo managed to look particularly agitated.

“Having a bad dream, hm, Tenzo?” Kakashi mused quietly to himself, floored then, when the tiniest of grumpy growls answered him through Tenzo’s teeth. 

“I have an itch, and I can’t scratch it.”

“Tenzo... you’re awake...”

Though his eyes remained closed, Tenzo gave a slight nod. 

“I-uh, it’s me, Kakashi...”

Tenzo exhaled a chortle. 

“I knew that before you came in the room, Senpai... Thank you for coming.”

“Of course.”

A quiet hung between the pair for a moment, and Kakashi felt rather like he was hanging with it. On the edge of his seat. On the edge of confession. Wondering if Yamato might have simply fallen back asleep. 

“Sakura told me that you were here and waiting from the time I arrived back at the village, through my surgeries,” Tenzo said, the hint of a grin between his lips. 

“I would have come in earlier, but she made me wait so you could rest.”

“I know you’re busy, Hokage-sama.”

“Tenzo, please...” Kakashi stood, shaking his head, and crossing a bit closer to Tenzo’s bedside. “Are you in pain?”

“They have a lot running through my IV. I’m fine enough.”

“Well…” The Rokudaime started again, awkwardly drawing the word out, as he was desperate to offer some kind of help. “Where do you itch?”

Yamato finally peeped one of his eyes open, just barely. 

“You’ve been crying. You’re crying.”

“Ah, yah,” Kakashi admitted, rubbing a hand through the back of his hair. “Once it started, I haven’t really been able to figure out how to make it stop...” 

He offered one of his sweet “everything’s fine,” smiles, eyes closing to show that his cheeks were turning up beneath his mask. 

“Your itch?” He pressed. 

“My right leg. Just above the knee.” 

Hearing where, the nin was grateful to see Tenzo’s eyes close once more, as his shot open to fix on the spot. Carefully, he pulled back Yamato’s bed sheet and stared onto the bare skin at the edge of his medical gown. 

“Here?” He asked, a slight break in his voice betraying any smooth airs he’d been trying to put on as he touched a finger against a muscly thigh.

“Left a little. There.” 

Kakashi scratched, and watched as Tenzo’s frown faded, tension melting with a soft, pleased sigh. 

“Thank you.”

“Better?” Kakashi asked with a grin. 

“Much.” 

The quiet found its way back in the room again, this time feeling more like a tension growing between the pair. Tenzo’s eyes opened again, a curious amusement in them. He glanced down to his leg, and as Kakashi followed his gaze, the nin was stunned to find his hand simply resting, holding onto Tenzo’s thigh. A blush sprang over his cheeks as he whipped his touch away. 

“Sorry.”

“No, don’t be,” Tenzo assured, his voice somehow growing softer with his own shyness. “Leave it... If you’d like…”

Holding Tenzo’s eyes, Kakashi swiped away at a fresh stream of tears over his cheeks, and replaced his hand. 

“Can I get you anything else?”

Tenzo shook his head slightly. Before the quiet could come again, his hand feeling like it might as well be on fire, Kakashi could contain himself no longer. There was no more edge left to stand on, and he allowed himself to careen, head first into his feelings. 

“Tenzo, I’m-" he started through a sob. “I’m so glad you’re okay...”

“Senpai…”

Down, over his own hand, Kakashi felt the tiny brush of Tenzo’s fingers.

“Why are you crying?”

“Because...” he choked. “The kids told me something…”

“What’s that?”

The Rokudaime shifted on his feet, eyes pulling to the door, and throat burning at the repression of the words. Tenzo’s hand only wriggled further to fully reach his, squeezing, and holding it in place. 

“They told me that I -" Kakashi started again, throwing the last of his reservation away, never-mind if the hysteria he felt jeering internally, or the overflow of his tears. The nin opened his mouth, and let the words finally come out. 

“They told me that I love you.”

“Were they right?”

“Yes,” Kakashi admitted, turning his eyes back to look straight into Tenzo’s. “They’re right, that I’ve loved you, that I love you… I love you, Tenzo...”

Wordlessly, Tenzo melted into bliss, his broken chest swelling, almond eyes closing with a spring of his own tears, and cheeks glowing of a rosy joy. 

“You just realize it, hm?”

A confounded chuckle broke from Kakashi.

“You knew too?” 

“I’d hoped...” Tenzo confessed in a whisper. He looked back onto the shinobi before him, beaming with delight through a wry smile on his lips. 

 “Did they tell you the whole truth of it?” he asked. “That I love you, too?”

“Um, no. No, they left that part out.... In fairness, I ran out of the building pretty fast...”

“Well, I do. I love you too, Kakashi.”

“Oh...” 

For a moment, Kakashi felt as though he was supposed to pinch himself. That’s what people did in his novels, wasn’t it? When it was too good to be true, too unbelievably wonderful, when the impossible overcame all odds and circumstances, and character flaws and this thing, love, had been found? He nearly laughed, a pinch was hardly enough to try and accept this to be real.

“What do we do about it?” he asked, swiping more tears from his eyes, and then leaning to swipe gently at Tenzo’s. 

“I don’t know. I’ve never been able to figure it out.”

“Well, would you like to try and figure it out together?”

His hand moved, up from Tenzo’s leg, to tug the black spandex of his mask down, exposing the fullness of his face and a smile brighter than the sun. 

“Please.”

With the greatest tenderness he could demand of his body, The Rokudaime pressed a kiss onto the forehead of his beloved. Electricity crackled through him, and with it, more disbelief that such a beautiful intimacy could be born of his life. But, there, finally looking it in the eye, Kakashi refused to run any longer, to deny any more - and simply to accept it, spending every second overwhelmed in his gratitude for such a joy. 

“I’m sorry I kept us waiting so long...” he whispered, petting a thumb over Tenzo’s cheek. 

“It’s alright,” Tenzo answered. He craned his neck upward for another kiss. “I’m sure it’ll be more than worth the wait…”