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It has been about a full day since Jake had seen his boyfriend in person; twenty-three hours and eleven minutes, to be exact.
But it was okay because just hours ago, he’d been talking to Sunghoon over text, just how they always did given their busy schedules. Talking about who knows what without ceasing as they wait for each of their next engagements that were all more than often physically and mentally draining.
At this rate, he’s proud to say that he’s used to it, this set-up. He knew this was for the best. This way, they could both attain their ambitious goals while still remembering to keep up with each other. This way, neither will be jealous of the other’s success anymore since they were both aiming for different things. Jake wouldn’t be left alone in a relationship anymore for being too busy and not having enough time to spend with his partner. Leaving everything to text was fine. It was all fine, all except for one thing.
Sunghoon still hasn't replied. And it has already been more than six hours; six hours and fifteen minutes, to be exact.
It is now nearing one in the morning and up until now, Jake still hadn’t heard from the other. But it should be fine, Sunghoon’s phone must’ve just drained out of battery—he did mention that he forgot his charger at home. True, it was hard to believe, but that was exactly what Jake’s phone still read to his face even after rereading their earlier conversation eleven times—probably fifteen? Seventeen? He’s not really sure anymore.
He felt something wet drop to his cheek, which he mindlessly wiped with the back of his hand. A streak of black stained the skin, but he wasn’t really surprised. He chuckled bitterly. What goddamn cheap makeup there was for an agency earning too much from his labor.
Jake shut his phone off to keep himself from seeing negative comments about his performance again, then finally brought himself to stand up from his place on the floor, bones cracking as he did. He removed the hand from his head that was now littered with several hair strands after continuously pulling at his hair in frustration. He sat down instead on the couch perpendicular to the mirror, and from there saw just how he looked.
His eyes were bloodshot. His crappy mascara ran down his face. His hair was messy and his stage clothes rumpled. No amount of euphemism can hide the fact that indeed, he looked like shit.
He should have known to change into more comfortable clothes before making the trip back home. But no, because Sunghoon didn’t reply, who knows if he had already gone home before him, right? And so, after finishing everything for the day, Jake ran straight to his car and started driving home, without any care about whether or not he’d beat a couple of red lights on the way. All only to be met with no Sunghoon at home.
But it was okay, it’s his own fault, not Sunghoon’s. It was him who got too excited at the notion of seeing Sunghoon as soon as possible. He could do nothing now but wait. For all he knew, the younger could’ve gone with his workmates to party all night the moment they finished for the day. From what he remembers, it was the wrap-up of the younger’s third upcoming film and today was supposedly the last day they would shoot the scenes.
And of fucking course, it had to be today.
But it was okay . If it were him, Sunghoon would have allowed him to go. Jake had to allow the other a few simple celebrations for his efforts, at least, and that couldn’t be possible if he were to stay right beside him all the time. Maybe he needed some time to loosen up, drink a few beers, or get wasted; whichever he preferred. Perhaps he may converse with a few women here and there, share a kiss or two, nothing harmless. Else, he might even find the person of his dreams from wherever club he currently was, someone much more relevant and significant than unhinged and fleeting Jake will ever be.
The sound of keys shuffling from the front door broke his reverie. He sat up immediately and flattened his hair as quickly as he could manage. He pulled on the hem of his shirt to wipe at his face, ridding it of the dark stains. As soon as Sunghoon entered, Jake put on a smile on his face. Forced, but who knows, it might work this time.
“Sorry I couldn’t reply, my phone went dead,” Sunghoon spoke with a sigh. Jake replied.
“It’s okay.” Because it really was. His previous relationships went like this actually, started with busy schedules, then drained phones, then a new person in the picture. It’s not like Sunghoon would do that to him though; Jake knows he wouldn’t, no. But if he did, it was okay. It had to be something in Jake if it still were to happen all over again.
He felt Sunghoon sit down flush beside him. He wrapped an arm around his waist and brought him closer to lean his head on his shoulder.
“You were crying again, weren’t you? I’m really sorry I couldn’t reply, can you forgive me?”
The statement alone was enough to set the waterworks again. Yes, hell yes. Damn right, he will forgive him over and over again. Thinking about it, it wasn’t even Sunghoon’s fault. It was just Jake whose thoughts went to an endless spiral and came to his own exaggerated conclusion. It’s just because he was selfish to think he had to know every single thing that Sunghoon did; that’s it, nothing else.
“No, no, you’re not.” Sunghoon shushes him, all while he places a kiss on his forehead and wipes a tear from his face. Just then did he realize that he said those words out loud, and now he couldn’t look at the other’s eyes in his shame. Couldn’t even speak, so the taller took it upon himself to speak despite being tired himself.
“I think I know what this is about. Yunie, you aren’t selfish for worrying that I’ll suddenly leave. I tell you, I understand. But I wouldn’t do that to you.” He rubbed the expanse of Jake’s back as he whispered in his ear.
“I know, it’s just me, I’m sorry–”
“Shh.” A finger was placed over his chapped lips. “Stop apologizing for the things you can’t control. I understand why you feel like that, you have been through a lot. You didn’t want those things to happen to you.”
Sunghoon removed his hands from his sides to hold him by his face.
“Yunie, listen to me. I know it’s hard for you, but you can trust in me. You’ll be safe with me for as long as I’m here. You don’t have to be scared, you will never be left behind anymore. You may want to leave, but you can’t make me leave. I’m not going anywhere.”
Maybe, just maybe, it’s because of the tiredness from the demands of today and crying too much that Jake just let himself drop into his lover’s arms, never wanting to leave. And lucky for him, he had someone now who won’t let him fall all by himself ever again.