Work Text:
Marinette and Alya were in the privacy of Marinette’s room, discussing the previous akuma attack from earlier in the day. Her room was still a mess, papers strewn everywhere, the kwamis causing mischief, and unfinished projects that came with bursts of inspiration only for her to crash from her exhaustion were also present. The only part of her room that wasn’t a complete mess was her bed loft and nightstand. On her nightstand was a plate with cookies that the girls and Tikki nibbled away at.
“And then Chat Noir called, and asked me about you,” Alya was saying, “Sentibubbler was counting down for the mirage of myself that was supposed to come out of the bathroom in thirty seconds and was almost done counting. I wasn’t sure what to say when he asked about what he should do. I didn’t want him to mess anything up and didn’t have enough time to explain.” She sighed, “I ended up telling him he wasn’t needed at the moment and ended the call quickly.”
Marinette’s eyes widened, “You did what?”
Alya seemed taken aback by her outburst. She supposed she’d been a little loud. But Marinette knew how much Chat Noir doubted his importance to the team. And it didn’t get better after New York, despite her saying that she couldn’t possibly be Ladybug without him. She thought everything was fine when he’d smiled and reassured after the akuma attack that her not getting Shadow Moth was ok, because the sentimonster was taken care of. But what if they weren’t?
“I’m sorry, I kinda panicked,” Alya apologized, though she looked a bit confused. “But what’s wrong with that? You’d be happy to sit out of an attack and take a break, so why wouldn’t he?”
“Ever since New York, Chat had been doubting his role as a superhero,” she explained, “He wasn’t really in the best place for a few days, but after that he’d seemed fine. But what if he wasn’t?”
And what if now he was feeling terrible? Oh no, was this her fault? She’d been so busy with being Ladybug, the Guardian, taking care of all the mischievous kwamis, school, designing — and she’d kind of forgotten about her partner. But why hadn’t he ever said anything? How would she know how he felt if he didn’t speak up? He hadn’t ever been afraid to call her out on things before. What changed?
“Hey, girl, are you alright?” Alya asked gently, snapping her out of her thoughts.
Marinette realized she’d been quiet and staring off into space for a while. “Alya, I think I need to see him. I need to make sure he’s alright.”
Her friend nodded, hugging her and saying goodbye. “Go check on your partner. I’ll go home. It’s getting late, anyway.”
Marinette was about to transform when she heard a thump on her balcony. While Tikki hid, Marinette opened her trapdoor and looked out side, only to see Chat Noir leaning against the railing of her balcony. His shoulders were drooping, his cat ears flat on his head, his tail limp, the very end of it swishing every now and then. His whole being was deflated, not like the joking partner that she’d seen earlier that day. Had he really been putting on an act the entire time? How long had he been putting on an act around her?
She stepped out into the late summer air, walking until she was beside him. He barely acknowledged her, his green eyes briefly glancing at her before staring unseeingly at the city. It hurt her heart to see him like that, and she wanted to fix it. But how much of it could she even fix?
She gently place a hand on his forearm, “Chat Noir, what’s wrong?”
His gaze moved down to the ground, and his lower lip trembled. He wiped at his eyes, but didn’t respond or look at her. His mouth opened and closed, once, twice, and he still didn’t say anything. A frustrated hand ran through his messy, windswept hair, and he sighed.
His voice trembled as he spoke, “Rena Rouge said their operation was a two person job, meaning just her and Ladybug.” He paused, closing his eyes, “They didn’t need me. She didn’t need me.” Finally, he looked at her, eyes watery and broken, “I feel like she won’t need me anymore and I can’t stop it.”
A sob escaped him, and he pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes. Seeing her Kitty like that broke Marinette’s heart, but she couldn’t do anything other than wrap her arms around him and hold him as he cried. After all, Marinette didn’t know that Ladybug couldn’t possibly do her superhero duties with Chat Noir. Marinette didn’t know how much his puns and jokes put Ladybug’s mind at ease because at least there was one constant in her hectic superhero life, and that was him. Marinette didn’t know how much Ladybug appreciated it when Chat would reassure her, build her up, and keep her from spiraling. She wasn’t supposed to know any of that, so she stayed silent, running a hand through his hair and hoping that it would somehow comfort him.
When he’d calmed down a bit, he’d pushed himself away from her. “I’m sorry,” he told her. “I shouldn’t bother you with this.”
But why was he apologizing for getting help? She didn’t mind. It was better than him holding it in. Before she could voice her opinion, however, he’d gotten his baton out and prepared to leave.
“Wait!” He paused, waiting for her to continue. “Can you promise me you’ll talk to Ladybug about this? I’m sure if you voice your concerns she could do something about it.” Marinette hoped he’d promise her, at least to put her mind at ease.
Instead, he shook his head, “Ladybug has a lot on her plate. I don’t want to add to that.” Then he vaulted away.
Chat Noir sighed, slowly walking from rooftop to rooftop. He was too tired to run, and he didn’t want to go back home, either. Eventually, he stopped, sinking down to his knees and leaning against a chimney behind him. He didn’t know what had led him to go to Marinette’s. He didn’t think she’d come outside, and he didn’t think he’d break down so quickly. But Marinette had a way of breaking down his defenses.
Maybe it was because the Dupain-Cheng bakery was so warm. Maybe it was because the family was so kind and welcoming. Maybe it was the heavenly scent of pastries that lingered, even after closing hours. Maybe because Marinette always managed to make him feel better. He wasn’t sure.
He rearranged himself to sit more comfortably and closed his eyes. They abruptly opened when he heard something, and suddenly Ladybug was crouched in front of him, concern in her blue eyes. He tried for a smile, searched his mind for a pun to crack. His smile felt weak, and it seemed as though his brain decided to forget all the puns he’d ever thought up.
Ladybug must’ve seen something in his eyes or in his body language because she immediately wrapped her arms around him. There, in her warm embrace, Chat Noir broke for the second time that night. This time, his sobs weren’t as held back, he clung to Ladybug tightly, and the tears didn’t seem to stop.
He was scared — terrified, even — that she was going to replace him. Everything was changing, just like everything always did when he felt like he had a constant in his life. His mother used to be that constant, but then she got sick and everything changed. Now, she was dead. She’d left him, and with her, his father left him, too.
Ladybug was his constant now, but she became the Guardian and everything was changing. Rena Rouge was there more often than not, and the two of them always seemed to have everything under control. He was needed less and less. He had a sinking feeling that one day she’d demand for him to give her his miraculous, and he couldn’t do anything about it. He knew he’d give to her because she had the right to the miraculous now. He’d lose Ladybug, and with her, he’d lose Plagg, too.
He didn’t want to lose her or Plagg. He didn’t want his freedom taken away, he didn’t want to lose one of his best friends, and he didn’t know what he’d do without Ladybug. He loved her, loved the banter they shared, the races during patrols, the way her eyes brightened when she figured out a lucky charm, and the way she smiled when they’d defeat the latest akuma. He couldn’t lose that. He couldn’t lose her.
He eventually managed to bring his bawling down to a few sniffles and stray tears. Once he did, Ladybug pulled away enough to look at him, her eyes searching his for something. “Kitty, talk to me,” she pleaded softly, “What’s wrong?”
He wanted to tell her it was nothing. That it was just something in his civilian life that he couldn’t tell her about. But then again, maybe the things that happened in his civilian life made him feel that way about things changing for them. But with her being so close, he wasn’t sure if he lie would be believable. From a distance he could shrug it off, crack a pun, then run away, but now he couldn’t.
So, he sighed, “I feel like I’m not needed. I’m scared you won’t need me and then you’ll take away my miraculous and then I’ll never see you again and I’ll never see Plagg again and you’ll find someone new — someone better — to take my place as the black cat miraculous holder.” It felt good to get it off his chest, but he almost instantly regretted saying anything.
“I’ve told you before and I’ll tell you again,” she said, “no one can replace you, Chat Noir.” With the way she looked at him, earnest wide, pleading eyes, he wanted to believe. But the things she said and did were so contradicting that it was hard to do so.
“It would be easier to believe you if what you said and did matched,” he muttered quietly. It was frustrating.
Ladybug sighed, “Chat, I didn’t know what I was doing was hurting you. I just wish you’d told me. I’m a little busy right now, so I didn’t notice—“
“That’s exactly why I didn’t say anything!” She stared him, startled, and he realized he’d raised his voice. He hadn’t meant to. He made sure to be quieter as he said, “I’m sorry. I just didn’t want to add to your plate.”
He didn’t want to burden her because being a burden made it more likely for someone to leave. After his mother passed, Adrien wasn’t in the best place and it was around then that his father stopped coming around so often. It might’ve been his own grieving, but it couldn’t possibly have helped that Adrien was bringing him down with his mood. He didn’t want to bring Ladybug down with his mood, too, and he definitely didn’t want to burden her.
Ladybug placed a hand on his cheek, and he couldn’t help but lean into her touch. It wasn’t very often that he’d get soft, gentle touches like that. “Chat,” she murmured, “you’re my partner, these are things you should talk to me about. Promise me you’ll talk to me next time?”
“I…” How could he say no to her? And if she wanted to know, then maybe it wasn’t a burden to her? “Ok, I promise.”
She gave him a small smile, and even in that state he couldn’t help it when his heart stuttered. “And remember, we still have our devices from New York. If you need to talk, I’m only a button away. I’ll try my best to get to you, I promise.” Her hand dropped to his and she gave it a little squeeze. He smiled as he squeezed her hand back. “I’d better get going now. Bye, Kitty!”
As he watched her leave, he decided that maybe talking things out wouldn’t be so bad. After all, if she wanted him to talk to her about things, then she was willing to add that to her plate. He still felt a little bad about it, but maybe during their talks she’d open up to him too. Maybe she still wanted him as her partner, after all. Yes, things were changing, but hopefully they’d still be a duo, like always.