Chapter Text
He dreamt of this ever since he learned about the beauty of intimacy. Of course, rough and intense sex has always been accepted with open arms by him. Yet, laying down on his man’s chest; hearing only their heartbeats slow down as the adrenaline of sex faded away. It was gentle, caring, and loving - everything he has ever wanted.
Even if it was temporary, he wouldn’t change it for a thing. He wants to lay his cheeks on Enji’s chest as the older man embraces him. They were rough and huge arms, yet Enji hugs Keigo carefully, as if afraid he would crumble away with the slightest touch. Enji always knew how to touch him; how to care for him.
Of course he would know - he’s had experience.
It started with gentle touches and bright smiles, which soon turned into intense kissing sessions. Enji, or Endeavor at that time, kept a hidden boundary between them in public - but in the privacy of a hotel room, he engulfs Keigo with flames of passion that left the shorter man breathless. Every touch felt desperate, necessary - Keigo never wanted it to end. It is almost like an addiction to be with this man. One that he knew wasn’t set in stone.
It has been eight months since they started...whatever it was that they had. Keigo is content with it, even if his heart ached to release those three dreaded words. No, he thought, it’s too soon for him.
Keigo understands why Enji wanted to keep this as discreet as possible. The man is still under a lot of pressure to prove himself as the hero society needs right now.
Keigo chuckles. Yes, the one we need, but not the one we deserve.
Enji is also starting to mend his damaged relationship with his children. Whenever Keigo would ask him about them, his eyes would light up with joy and pride about the success of his children. Shouto was still working hard to become the hero he admired on TV; and Fuyumi always visited him and kept him company by eating dinner or watching a movie with him. Keigo would always boom with laughter as Enji recaps the movie he watched. He figures Enji isn't a huge fan of romantic tropes.
Fitting , considering their relationship strayed far away from those tropes. Enji hasn’t always been quite an expert on... feelings .
Enji has great things to say about Natsuo as well, surprisingly, given that their relationship is still strained after all that had happened. Natsuo gives him an update on Touya’s wellbeing, who is currently in prison for his crimes but receiving the best care in the world.
Enji made sure of that.
Every time Enji mentions Touya, he would hesitate for a split second. Keigo will notice, but always encourages him to continue. Whatever resentment he has of Touya, he has already explained to Enji that it wasn’t his fault and that he has a right to speak about his son.
It has taken months for Enji to stop apologizing for the actions of Touya. Keigo would assure him that everything was fine - that he was fine. Enji would smile weakly, and tenderly touch the scars on Keigo’s skin. Eventually resorting to kissing them with the softest and gentle lips.
Those were the days Keigo’s heart exploded with that feeling he doesn’t even want to think about.
Today marks their eight month anniversary of their affair, as Keigo likes to deem it. After hours of doing perhaps the most burning rough sex they ever had, they lay down with their legs entangled and their arms around each other. Keigo just wants to close his eyes and hopes he dreams of them together - just as they are in real life right now.
“She’s recovering.”
Keigo’s eyes fly open, and he looks up to stare at Enji in confusion. “Hm?”
“Rei. She is...recovering.”
Keigo immediately lets go of Enji and proceeds to sit upright on the bed. Rei , a name he hasn’t heard ever since he began this with Enji. A name he hates to even think about.
A name he defines as the reason why they couldn’t be more .
“Okay,” Keigo simply says.
“Okay?”
“Yeah, okay. What do you want me to say?” Keigo answers, “I’m...happy for her.”
Enji sits down next to him, but for some reason, he doesn't dare look at Keigo.
“Yeah...I’m happy for her too.”
An awkward silence follows, with both men staring down at the bed. The room feels thicker, almost a bit suffocating as both don't know how to continue.
“Is that all you wanted to say?” Keigo asks, dreading the man’s next words.
“Keigo, I-” Enji starts, but he couldn’t find the right words.
“Just spit it out,” Keigo orders, though he feels his voice betraying him as it grows weaker. “Please... just say what you want to say.”
Enji turns to look at Keigo, who is already staring back. He instantly looks away in what he can only describe as shame and guilt. He never wants to see those eyes of Keigo filled with anything other than happiness.
Those eyes are dimming because of him .
All he ever does is hurt the ones that love him. This is why I must do this.
“We both talked,” Enji begins, stopping to think clearly about his next words.
“Rei and I believe we should give it another try.”
Keigo closes his eyes slowly, feeling a tight knot in his throat. He tries to control his breathing, but feels himself slipping further into a panicked state. For once, he is grateful that his years of training in espionage has helped him keep everything bottled up.
“What does that mean?” Keigo whispers, not trusting his voice enough to stay calm.
Enji sighs deeply beside, but he still doesn't look at him. Classic Enji, avoiding any type of emotional confrontations. Keigo would chuckle if his heart wasn’t currently shattering in a million pieces.
“We both didn’t have the best...marriage. Of course, it was all my fault,” Enji explains.He glances towards the younger man, but quickly turns away.
“She told me she was willing to try,” he continues, “try to become a family again.”
A single tear betrays Keigo, but he quickly wipes it off. He doesn't even know how he went from despair to pure rage in a split second.
“Enji, look at me,” Keigo orders with trembling lips. “I need you to look at me.”
It takes a couple of seconds for Enji to oblige, but for Keigo it felt like hours. He hates how much Enji was avoiding him like he was some fragile vase on the verge of breaking.
Enji has to be honest with him, whether it broke his heart. He loves that man enough to accept any outcome.
Fuck. He admitted it to himself.
I love Enji. The universe must really fucking hate him, Keigo thinks. He falls in love with a man he could never have. What a fucking joke - a cruel fucking joke that’s tearing him apart.
“Is that what you want?” Keigo asks, implementing his neutral expression he learned from years of training.
Enji’s breath hitches as he faces Keigo. Those eyes are void of any feeling or thought. The last time he saw those eyes was when Keigo was giving him that coded book. He hated it then, and he most certainly hates it now.
“Yes.” He’s lying. Fuck, he’s lying and he knows it.
This isn’t about him anymore. It never was. He is selfish to even think he could have something with Keigo.
Keigo, who has been so good to him.
Keigo, who supported him through everything. His Keigo. His one and only.
Keigo, who deserves better than him.
“I want to become a better man,” Enji continues, “and I want to become a better father and husband .”
And what about me? Keigo wants to ask. You’re already a perfect lover. My perfect lover. Did it mean nothing to you?
Instead, Keigo remains quiet as he stares at the window which overlooked the city. For someone who has spent so much time in the skies looking at the city lights, it now all seems distant and cold.
Cold - like that woman’s quirk.
“Keigo?” Enji says, breaking the hefty silence. He says his name so sweet, so soft, so loving. But that love does not belong to him.
“If that’s what you want, then go. ”
“What?” Enji replies, not expecting that from Keigo.
“Go, and be the man you want to be,” Keigo states, “I’ll always support you in the best way I can.”
Keigo smiles, but he knew it didn’t reach his eyes. He wonders if Enji noticed it. If he is paying attention to him as much as he did all this time.
Enji did notice, but it is as if he is frozen in time. He doesn't know what to think, say, or do . He wants to comfort the man beside him, but he knows it would only make it worse.
So he does what he has always known to do - he leave the ones he loves behind.
In the empty room, the only sound that is heard were the un-patterned sobs of Keigo’s. He is strong, but when the man he has always loved tells you it’s over, he can only handle so much.
He wants to cry, break things, and run all the way down the hotel to embrace Enji and tell him to not go. To stay within his arms and never let go.
Maybe their relationship was a typical romance trope. A very heartbreaking trope, with perhaps the worst ending in fucking existence.
But he loves Enji too much to follow behind and beg for his return. He loves Enji enough to respect his decision on what he wants in his life. Even if that didn’t include him.
Love means comforting, supporting, and caring.
Love means going through hard times together.
Love, for Keigo, means and will forever continue to mean Enji .
And, sometimes-
Love means letting go.