Archive of Our Own ^beta

“What do you mean you broke your ankle? Fucking unbreak it then!”

Renjun fumes, phone tucked between his cheek and his shoulder as he storms around the apartment. One hand tugs in distress at the roots of his hair, the other shuffling through scattered papers on the table and nearly knocking over long-discarded coffee cups in a fruitless search for his third planning binder. The first two, bursting at the seams, lay piled on the counter.

“Listen, Yukhei challenged me to do some of his show acrobatics on the trampoline and I couldn’t just let him show me up! How was I supposed to know a double back-layout isn’t a beginner move? Honest mistake, really. Anyways, the doctors said I’ll be good to skate again in a few months.” The voice filtering through the line continues to talk in a slow, soft tone clearly meant to placate him, but Renjun’s shoulders just hike up further, fingers coming to pinch at the bridge of his nose.

“A few m一No you listen, Donghyuck, we have a show in less than FOUR WEEKS and you just go and! You! You一” Renjun throws his hands in the air in frustration. He can barely see through the red clouding his vision, so it isn’t much of a surprise when the forgotten phone slips to the floor, Donghyuck’s sheepish voice still struggling to break through Renjun’s haze of fury.

“Call back when you’ve found a new goddamn skater to fill in as this show’s love interest or I swear to God I will hang you by your fucking cast!” Renjun seethes, jamming the button to end the call and kicking his phone away from him. It skitters a few feet away on the tile, and Renjun just stares at it as he buries his face in his hands.

“Renjun, you’re being unreasonable again. Call back and ask if he’s okay,” Jaemin shouts from where he’s sprawled across Renjun’s couch.

Jaemin isn’t even sparing Renjun’s meltdown the dignity of a second glance, too preoccupied with the bag of old arcade prizes he dug out of his attic from back when they were in elementary school. He currently has his tongue poking out of the side of his mouth, utterly fixated on the circle of rubber pressed into the coffee table.

“Fuck you too, Jaemin!” Renjun bites, but he knows Jaemin is right. Reluctantly, he crawls over to his phone and lays flat on his back on the ground, muttering profanities as he punches in the numbers to call Donghyuck back. It doesn’t even take a full ring for the boy to pick up, clearly expecting Renjun’s apology call after so many years working together.

“Missed me already?” Donghyuck chuckles warmly.

“I’m sorry, Hyuck, holy shit. Are you okay?” Renjun closes his eyes and lets himself melt into the cool tile underneath him, head knocking gently against the floor. The ceiling fan above him spins round and round, almost like it’s taunting him.

“I’m okay in the sense that it doesn’t hurt much, but damn, not being able to properly skate or do shows for God knows how long...that hurts like a bitch.” Donghyuck sounds like he’s trying to mask his own frustration with a smile. “I know my gorgeous, hilarious, and charming self is irreplaceable, but I’m sure you can find someone to fill in.”

“The show must go on,” Renjun sighs, and Donghyuck echoes the sentiment.

Renjun hangs up feeling utterly drained. They can’t skip this stop on their tour, not when the marketing teams have been working for weeks to put up ads and their set pieces are already in the process of being transported to the local ice rink. Renjun could try to pull some strings and get the show delayed by a week or two, but the distant higher-ups of their touring company probably won’t allow them to get too behind their schedule.

Fuck.

A loud popping noise rings out from the other side of the couch. Renjun’s eyes fly open just in time to see the rubber popper rocketing towards the ceiling, smacking against one of his light fixtures before careening back towards the couch. Jaemin whoops loudly, clapping his hands in delight.

“Jaemin, do you know how bad this is? We don’t train a lot of understudies because it’s too expensive to bring additional bodies around on tours, and any extra help we had have already been assigned to some of the other parts left open after last stop’s unfortunate skateboarding incident. How the fuck am I going to find a replacement?”

Jaemin hums noncommittally, which is fine because Renjun mostly needs to talk out loud to work through his frustrations whether someone is listening or not. Jaemin, who has known Renjun since they were tiny snot-nosed kids on the playground, knows this all too well, and is content to let him simmer until he’s calmed down. He paws through the bag of cheap toys again.

“I need to bring in someone totally new because any shifts I make in the current cast will just open more holes,” Renjun muses, peeling himself up from the floor and settling back on his table. He sifts through the mounds of paperwork detailing the agreements with the city’s local rink, the schedule for the movers to deliver their set pieces, the binders full of costume and makeup designs, and countless calendars and abandoned to-do lists.

With a huff, he flips through the document where all of the cast’s information is kept. He fumbles for a pen underneath the mess, striking Donghyuck’s name out next to Jihun - Second Lead, Love Interest.

He’s screwed. He’s so utterly screwed. This show is going to fail without a second lead, the touring company is going to terminate their contract with Renjun’s show, and Renjun’s career一his whole life一is going to be over. Gone. Finished, just like that.

“A fucking trampoline,” Renjun whimpers, finally turning to Jaemin to express the full force of his devastation. His entire world has just ended with one phone call, one sneakily dangerous piece of fabric and one reckless cast member. Surely his best friend must have some comforting words for him?

“What an idiot,” Jaemin says weakly, both index fingers caught in a dusty braided finger trap toy from fifth grade.

Renjun takes a deep breath. And then another.

“I’m going to cut up that goddamn trampoline with your favorite eyebrow scissors Na Jaemin, and when I’m done I’m coming for you next.”

“Whoa, there,” Jaemin grins, waggling his nicely sculpted eyebrows at Renjun, “You sound like you need a hug. Which I would totally give you, but, you know.” He lifts his trapped hands with a shrug of his shoulders. “Stuck.”

Renjun’s scream rattles the window frames.

❅

It becomes clear very early on that this is not going to work without some kind of miracle.

“It’s official. I’ve called every skater I know in a hundred mile radius, and even some of those further out that I know could afford the plane trip. I need someone with the right build because not a lot of skaters are strong enough to do the pair lifts we choreographed. The part is too hard for most of the skaters in our cast even if I went to all the trouble of moving around the parts and retraining people. Nobody even wants to switch parts. No one can fill in on such short notice!”

Jaemin pushes a third cup of coffee into Renjun’s line of sight, following it up with a plate of fresh food. Renjun blinks at it a few times.

“I’m not letting you skip lunch and dinner, Renjun. You’ve been working all day, you need a break.” Jaemin rolls his eyes at Renjun’s questioning look.

With a start, Renjun checks the clock. It’s well past nine. When did it get so late?

Renjun splutters when Jaemins fingers start to prod underneath his eyes. “Unhand me, you filthy gremlin!”

“Injunnie darling,” Jaemin croons, “I know we stock really good quality stage makeup for the ice shows, but if you keep going like this even our best concealer is not going to save those eye bags. Do you really want to put on a show with no love interest and the main character looking like he’s undergone some sort of government conspiracy sleep deprivation experiment?”

“I hate your guts, did you know that?” Renjun mumbles, reluctantly setting aside his list of potential backup skaters and letting Jaemin peel his phone away from his cheek.

“You wish you hated me,” Jaemin cackles, “but I have way too much blackmail from sophomore year of high school to let you escape now, so you have no choice.”

“Yeah, yeah,” Renjun brushes him off as he digs into his dinner. Jaemin leaves a little later but only after getting Renjun to agree to take the next morning off, in the name of “getting a little life pumped back that zombie face”, or whatever.

Renjun doesn’t have to check the table to realize that sneaky little bastard Jaemin has escaped with the majority of his planning binders and contact lists, so he really doesn’t have a choice.

Maybe a walk will clear his mind.

Renjun rolls out of bed early the next morning, body too accustomed to waking up at ungodly hours for skating practice. He pointedly ignores the calendar tacked onto the apartment wall, a big red circle scribbled around the date of opening night.

Still fed up with the world, Renjun throws on the first outfit he lays eyes on in his closet, half heartedly running a comb through his long hair and grabbing one of the sugary breakfast bars Jaemin has tried to purge from his cabinets more than once.

He would normally go to the rink to blow off some steam, especially since he has constant access to the rink housing their show as their main point of contact, but he’s fairly certain Jaemin has nabbed his skates on top of everything else. He hasn’t gotten a chance to explore this city much, so he decides to just wander the streets until his feet take him somewhere interesting.

A lady in the lobby of the apartment does a double take at the sight of him. Renjun flushes, running his fingers self consciously through his hair and tucking his face further into his coat. Damn, he must look even worse than he feels.

He would never admit it to Jaemin’s face, but it does help to be away from the stress of the show for a little bit. The city streets are bustling and bright with life. Couples sit hand in hand on some nearby benches, while a pair of dog owners further down the street are frantically trying to untangle themselves as their dogs romp and play.

The late autumn wind traces leaves across the sky, and Renjun can’t stop himself from jumping on a few extra crunchy looking leaves. A little giggle bubbles up in the back of his throat, but it isn’t long until the chilly air just redirects his thoughts back to the crisis at hand.

Renjun resists the urge to smack himself in the forehead, instead taking several deep breaths and ducking into the first storefront he sees. Maybe some retail therapy is what he needs to lower his goddamn blood pressure a bit.

He seems to have stumbled into a large, rather strange department store, and wanders aimlessly through the aisles for a little. There’s a whole section dedicated to different types of garden gnomes. Renjun finds himself in a staring contest with a pensive looking frog statue, imagining it on a pair of skates and singing to the show’s opening number.

Renjun is losing his goddamn mind.

The eyes on all the statues are starting to freak him out. It’s a contest he just can’t win. Head spinning, Renjun turns to make his exit, and that’s when he sees him一his Jihun.

A young man is bent over a rack of rooster themed scarves, a very serious look on his face as he examines the pattern on each one. Long, dark hair curls over one eye, and his remarkably strong arms peek out tastefully from a short sleeved shirt that hugs him just right. His features are sharp and strong, but elegant in the way his long eyelashes frame kind looking eyes. He looks like he could bench press Renjun with one arm, and best of all, there’s a little pin of an ice skate attached to the pocket of the coat slung over his arm.

Questionable fashion taste aside一mystery skater boy doesn’t have to be in charge of costume design, anyways一Renjun knows he’s found his miracle.

Perhaps the delirium really is catching up to him, because Renjun doesn’t hesitate for a single second before marching right up to the boy.

“Please tell me you can skate and are free for the next month!” Renjun blurts out, probably a little too loudly judging on how the poor boy jumps three feet in the air like a startled cat.

Rooster boy’s eyes are comically round, gaze scraping gently over Renjun’s frazzled features. He tilts his head with a cute questioning sound, then points to himself with raised eyebrows.

Renjun nods furiously. “Yes, you! Perfect build, perfect age range, perfect skating pin on your coat, please, please, tell me you can join my show!”

Clearly flustered, the boy hesitates before nodding. “Um, sure? I’m on break from my job right now for the holidays, and yeah I’ve, uh, skated before, I guess…”

“Good enough for me!” Renjun laughs, near hysterics. He’s trying really hard to mask the fact that he could cry in relief right now. He’s probably not doing a great job at it, since the boy’s hands twitch awkwardly like he wants to reach out and comfort Renjun from whatever psychotic break he must be having.

Renjun tears a piece of pen-testing paper from the nearby stationary aisle and scribbles onto it. “My name is Renjun. Meet me at this address first thing tomorrow morning and we can get started. You’re a lifesaver!”

Renjun presses the scrap of paper into the stunned boy’s hand, then takes off towards Jaemin’s apartment.

PERMAFROST is opening in a few weeks, come hell or high water. Renjun has some calls to make.

“What the fuck happened to you? Didn’t I prescribe you a rest day?” Jaemin raises an eyebrow when Renjun nearly kicks down his door. Renjun barging in unannounced isn’t that unusual一Jaemin is woefully inadequate at hiding his spare keys一but Renjun’s eyes are just a tad wilder than normal, and he barely stops to take a breath.

“Rooster boy,” Renjun wheezes, “Now give me that fucking binder.”

Later that night, buried in a sea of scattered paperwork and last minute rearrangements, he receives a text from one Lee Jeno.

What time are we meeting?

❅

Renjun arrives at the Rainbow Forum just before six the next morning. He’s booked out the early morning hours of the rink up until opening night for rehearsals and set construction, but the rest of the cast won’t be coming in until much later to give the new leading pair some time to settle in.

Renjun is fully expecting Jeno to be late, or to not show up at all. Surprisingly, he finds the boy already shuffling around the front door, wrapped head to toe in a fluffy jacket and gripping a warm thermos. He lights up when he meets Renjun’s eye, nearly flinging his drink out of his hand to wave hello.

“Good morning,” Renjun rasps, eyes round with shock, “You actually came? Early?”

Jeno scuffs his foot against the ground shyly. “Didn’t have much else to do, and I wanted to be sure I was at the right place…”

A skater like him shouldn’t be worried about getting lost on his way to the main rink in the city, but Renjun brushes it off. Maybe he’s new here, like Renjun.

Jeno’s hair is rumpled, slight smudges of exhaustion underneath his eyes, but he still seems eager to get going. It’s quite endearing, actually, and Renjun can’t help the tiny smile that breaks through his own stress and fatigue.

“I appreciate punctuality in a man, you know,” Renjun says to lighten the air, and the tips of Jeno’s ears flush red.

He digs through his pocket to unlock the front door, beckoning Jeno in after him. It takes him a moment of fumbling to switch on the lights in the lobby, still a little awkward in the new space since he hadn’t gotten many chances to visit in the handful of days since his arrival. When he finally shoves open the main door to the rink, he takes in a lungful of frosty air, the familiarity of the sight settling comfortably over his muscles.

Renjun has been to many, many ice rinks in his time with the traveling ice show. All of them have had slightly different setups: different styles of bleachers, different patterns painted on the ice, different advertisements and colors streaked across the baseboards, different lobbies and flags and scoreboards and hidden nooks and crannies that give each place life, but they all carry the same feeling for Renjun.

Home.

That single thread hums through each rink and connects to a place hidden somewhere deep in Renjun’s chest. It soothes the ache in his muscles and makes his heart sing with promises of a new day of creation.

Renjun stretches his arms above his head, grinning at the clean, fresh ice in front of him. He already feels invigorated by the chill, bounding over to the closest step to deposit his bag and pull on his skates.

Jeno tails him like a lost puppy, still bundled up in his thick layers and playing anxiously with his fingers. Renjun is halfway through lacing up his first skate when he cocks his head at Jeno, suddenly noticing the lack of skates thrown over the boy’s shoulder.

“Where’s your equipment?”

Jeno’s eyes slide to the left. “I...don’t have it.”

Renjun blinks. “Oh, okay. Um, I’m sure the rink won’t mind if you borrow skates for today. You can grab a pair from the rental booth in the front lobby. I’ll meet you on the ice!”

Jeno gives him a tiny nod and darts for the main door.

“He’s quite shy,” Renjun mumbles to himself, cinching his second skate tight around the ankles, “Hope he doesn’t have stage fright.”

Renjun deftly waddles across the thick flooring and steps out onto the ice, shoulders instantly relaxing at the feeling of his blades carving tracks through the freshly resurfaced ice. His mind wanders far away as he relinquishes control to his legs, shifting his weight delicately back and forth to allow his momentum to carry him in large loops across the rink. His skates are like an extension of his legs, and it feels so natural to glide upon the ice, like he was born for this.

Jeno is taking quite a while, so Renjun decides to warm up. He kicks off a little harder, building up a fair amount of speed before turning and striking the ice with his left toe pick to rocket himself into the air. Pulling his arms close into his chest and spotting the baseboard so he doesn’t get caught up in the world blurring around him, Renjun cleanly executes the double toe loop and sticks the landing on his right leg. He lets the energy from the jump carry him into a glide for a few seconds before he plants both skates on the ice again and pushes off.

Renjun mentally maps out their opening routine, mostly marking the dance moves and practicing the more difficult jumps and spins. The rush of wind through his hair, the adrenaline brushing against his skin, the thrill of the ice feels exhilarating no matter how many times he’s performed a triple Lutz jump or a back-bending pearl spin.

Renjun lives for this.

He vaguely registers the sound of the heavy main door opening again, clunking shut after an oddly long pause. Jeno must be ready.

Renjun finishes the spin he was practicing, digging his skates into the ice to bring him down to a more manageable pace. “Okay, Jeno, we’ll start with Overtime since that’s our opening number, and it’s a group choreography so you’ll have to work on synchronizing with the other skaters. Or, we can start on one of our duet songs? Avalanche has more pair lifts than Open Spaces so it might be better to get working as soon as possible on that, but一Jeno?!”

Renjun’s mouth snaps closed at the dull thud of a body hitting the ice.

He screeches to a halt, immediately taking off towards the entrance to the ice. By the time he’s crossed the rink, Jeno is already clutching at the front gate and halfway to standing again, legs trembling as he tries to get his skates back under him.

Renjun doesn’t think twice before looping his arms under Jeno’s and heaving him upwards. The boy squeaks as Renjun steadies him on the ice, one hand coming to rest on his shoulder and the other skating over his waist. It might be an intimate position off the ice, but it’s the only way Renjun can keep Jeno’s feet from sliding out from under him. As it is, Renjun can see Jeno’s control over his center of gravity waning again.

“You?!” Renjun splutters, “Have you even skated before?”

Jeno’s face is bright red, and he’s chewing on his lower lip so hard he looks one word away from biting clean through the skin. “I took lessons when I was, like, five?”

Renjun nearly drops him right there.

“You what?!”

Jeno yelps, clinging onto the wall again. His shaggy hair falls into his eyes to mask his embarrassment, but his feelings are painted all over his body. His shoulders hunch forward, and he lifts one hand up to scratch anxiously at his earlobe. “You asked if I’d ever skated before, and I said yes! Plus, I used to go to the Boy Scouts’ glow-in-the-dark rollerblading events in middle school, so I thought it would be close enough…”

“But, the skating pin on your coat? Why would you have that if you aren’t an ice skater?” Renjun’s voice is reedy, inching dangerously close to hysteria. He would rather not have another total meltdown in front of pretty rooster boy, but he can only teeter on the edge for so long before he goes batshit wild.

“Oh, is that what you meant by that?” Realization dawns on Jeno’s face. “The department store had a thrifting section, so I picked out an old coat for my sister. I didn’t realize it still had a pin on it. Didn’t you see the tag?”

No, Renjun did not see the goddamn tag. He buries his face in his hands, skating in panicked circles. “Oh my God, what am I going to do...What am I going to do! I’m never going to find someone to fill this role, and if I have to cancel this stop the whole tour is going to be thrown off, I’m going to lose the company so much money, fuck一”

“Renjun, calm down!” Jeno’s words cut through Renjun’s frenzy, his voice the strongest and clearest Renjun’s ever heard. The unexpected snappiness startles Renjun from his spiraling thoughts, and he slowly pivots to face him.

Jeno takes a deep breath, straightening himself up against the wall. There’s an odd twinkle of determination in his eyes, mixed with the bright lights reflecting off the glare of the ice. “I want to help.”

“Huh?”

“I want to help,” he repeats slowly, “I might not be a professional skater, but I pick up skills fast. I don’t want your show to get cancelled. If you’re willing to teach me the part, I’m willing to learn.”

There’s a certain resolve in the way Jeno’s fingers grip around the railing behind him. He holds Renjun’s gaze steadily, eyes sharp.

“You’re serious?” Renjun croaks. He doesn’t know if it’s possible to shape Jeno into a show-ready skater by opening night, but at least he’ll have something to work with. If Jeno genuinely wants to put in the grueling hours to save his show, Renjun is more than happy to have a body to work with.

It’s better than nothing.

“I told you, I don’t have much else to do right now. Besides,” Jeno grins up at him, taking a wobbling step off the wall and shakily coasting across the few feet separating them. His left skate nearly catches in a groove carved by Renjun’s warm up routine, and Renjun’s hands instantly shoot out to steady him. “I like a challenge.”

“So do I, Lee Jeno,” the corners of Renjun’s lips quirk up. “Your training starts now. Welcome to PERMAFROST.”

❅

The first lesson is painful for them both.

Renjun takes one look at the skates sloppily tied to Jeno’s feet and is caught between laughing and crying. What ultimately escapes him is some kind of pained squeal.

“Oh, Jeno, please go get some skates at least two sizes up before you permanently cut off blood circulation to your feet,” Renjun wheezes, muffling his giggles behind his hand. Jeno flushes, but obediently hobbles to the edge of the rink.

Renjun simmers in his thoughts for a few minutes while waiting for Jeno’s return. The road ahead is far from easy. It might even be impossible to turn Jeno from a shivering baby deer on the ice to the confident, elegant second lead he needs, but Renjun has to make the most of what he has.

And right now, Jeno is the best he’s got.

Renjun suppresses another amused smile as Jeno steps back onto the ice, this time much more smooth as he glides a few feet towards Renjun. His old skates were biting red marks into his ankles, skin bulging around the tops. Renjun hasn’t got the faintest clue how Jeno had even crammed his feet in them, or why he thought they were the right size.

“Feel better?” Renjun asks as he starts guiding Jeno around the ice, getting him accustomed to the way the blades shift underneath him.

Jeno must not be used to the frigid air of the rink, because there’s a slight smattering of pink on his cheeks as he squeaks out an affirmative.

Renjun nibbles on his bottom lip, trying to create a plan for the day. He has no idea how far he can push Jeno at once, but they don’t have much time before the show. It’s probably best to pick out the most difficult moves across all the different numbers they’ll have to work up to and start from there.

“Right now, the most important choreographies for you to learn are the duets you have with me. You have one solo, but we can work on that when some of the other cast members are here to help.” Renjun demonstrates a few basic moves for Jeno to copy, deftly allowing his legs to spread before pulling his skates back in, carving a line of curves into the ice below. Jeno follows with violently trembling knees, but at least he’s trying.

“Our first duet is really upbeat and fun, since our characters are meeting for the first time and exploring the world together. It’s quite playful, so you should loosen up a bit.”

Renjun coasts closer to Jeno. He performs a few seconds of the beginning choreography, arms gracefully flowing through the air and skates twirling in even circles. Pausing with his back bent beautifully and delicate fingers stretching towards the ice, Renjun catches Jeno’s eye.

“You’re, um, supposed to put your hand on my back at this part. And then spin me up.”

Jeno blinks at him uncertainly, but he can clearly tell when Renjun’s legs start to shake from the effort of holding the pose. He wobbles forward, one hesitant hand hovering near Renjun’s back. “Are you sure…”

“Jeno!” Renjun snaps, “Quickly, before I fall!”

Jeno’s hand presses against the small of Renjun’s back, and suddenly the sight of the man looming over Renjun is a bit overwhelming. Though rigid, his grip offers a promise of support, but his form is stiff and awkward as if he feels like he’s crossing a line. He’s making every effort to avoid eye contact with Renjun.

Maybe this was a little too far.

Renjun clenches his core, folding himself back up with little help from Jeno’s end. They’re both a little too flushed for the intensity of the activity in question, but at least Renjun can blame the blood rushing to his cheeks on the backbend.

“O-On second thought, let’s just go over spins for now. We can work on the pair pieces later.” Renjun composes himself, tucking his hair behind his ears.

Jeno just offers a small smile and dutifully follows.

If nothing else, their first practice builds Jeno’s confidence. Renjun can see those basic lessons from when Jeno was younger start to resurface in his muscle memory, because it doesn’t take too long for him to stabilize on the ice. The figure skating tricks and the dance element are both different stories, but they’ll work on it.

It takes a little while before Jeno truly gets into the groove of learning, but once Renjun teaches him a few core moves of the opening number and guides him through the beginner steps of jumps and spins, he practices until it’s all second nature.

It’s far from progress that could calm Renjun’s nerves about the looming show, but it’s promising.

Jeno is promising.

Shaky with exhaustion from a grueling morning he isn’t used to, Jeno nearly takes both of them down when he tries to skate towards the exit. His eyes immediately snap to Renjun as if anticipating being scolded, but Renjun only laughs and offers him a hand.

The feeling of unlacing ice skates after a long practice is second to none. Renjun sighs with relief as he peels off the laces biting deep into his feet, leaning back on the bleachers with eyes closed in contentment. Jeno is struggling a few feet away from him, eyebrows furrowed as he squints down at where the laces hook into the skate.

“Renjun?” Jeno ventures after a few moments of fragile silence, “What’s my character like?”

Renjun’s eyes fly open. “Huh? I didn’t tell you?”

Jeno pouts a little, shaking his head. The movement sends his shaggy hair flying into his eyes, and he blows at a few wayward strands with little success. His eyes are round, sparkling, and Renjun finds himself lost for a second before he remembers to respond.

Had he really not told Jeno the details of the part he was to play? How was he supposed to take up the role if he knew nothing about how he should be acting?

“I’m sorry, I should’ve led with that,” Renjun frowns, “You’re Jihun, an elven-type creature who lives underneath the frozen lake. You’re the love interest for my character Minseok, but you’ll probably get a better feel for the character’s personality and the dynamics between the two the further along we get in the choreography. For now, as I teach you, just imagine you’re skating as a bright-eyed, wonderstruck adventurer with a heart of gold.”

There’s a few beats of quiet from Jeno as Renjun busies himself with packing up his bag. When Renjun turns around, there’s a faint look of surprise on Jeno’s face.

“I’m your love interest?” he repeats slowly, pointing at himself, “Me? Really?”

Something cold curls up in Renjun’s gut, little fingers of dread scraping against his chest. He didn’t take the gentle, eager boy for the prejudiced type at first glance, but backwards beliefs can hide among anyone. “Yes, it’s a progressive show,” he bites, eyes narrowed, “Is that a problem? Tell me now, and I can start looking for a different replacement.”

“No, no! Not at all, I didn’t mean it like that!” Jeno says a little too hastily, red burning at the tips of his ears, “I’m. Yeah. I’m more than fine with that. If you know what I mean. Do you know what I mean?”

Renjun’s frosty exterior melts as quickly as it had set in, instantly softening at the flustered boy. He allows a tiny smile to play on his lips, and Jeno’s shoulders visibly slump at the sign that Renjun isn’t about to kick his ass onto the street. “Sure, Jeno, I get what you mean.”

They’re quiet until they reach the front doors of the rink, but the silence is a little warmer than before. Renjun hesitates before they part ways.

“Thank you, Jeno, really. I don’t exactly know why you want to be part of this show if you’re not interested in skating...You’re something else, I’ll give you that. But I really owe you. If there’s anything I can do for you, you know where to find me.” Renjun runs a self conscious hand through his hair, focusing on the way his breath fogs in front of his face in the cold air.

Jeno lets out a shaky laugh. “Actually, there is something you could do for me...”

Renjun raises a judgemental eyebrow, prompting Jeno to frantically wave his hands in front of himself, trying to backtrack. “Hey, not like that! Who do you take me for? Jeez,” he mumbles, pulling his scarf up over his mouth. “I just mean...I, uh...Ugh! Okay, I kind of told my family that the reason I moved back home was to be closer to my boyfriend. But I don’t have a boyfriend, and I can’t just tell them I lied to them because...that just won’t go over well, but now they’re all expecting me to bring this imaginary guy to our holiday family reunion, and I’m screwed.”

Jeno blinks up at Renjun, his eyes wide and sparkling with hope. “I don’t have anyone else I could possibly ask, since they’ll never believe I started dating one of my old hometown friends. Would you...be willing to play the part of my boyfriend? Just for my family’s dinner, that’s all, I promise! But if you’re uncomfortable, that’s totally fine, I’m sure I can go on a dating app and find someone who won’t kill me in my slee一”

“Jeno!” Renjun shakes him out of his fear-stricken spiral, “Hey, calm down. I’ll help you.”

Jeno’s mouth drops open a little, and then his whole expression brightens. He bounces on the balls of his probably aching feet, smiling with a brilliance that could rival the sun. It feels like something Renjun shouldn’t be looking directly at, but he also can’t tear his gaze away.

“Yeah, I’ll help. If you’re going to be part of my show, I can be part of yours. It’s just acting. We can think of it as an eye for an eye, a love interest for a love interest, or whatever.” Renjun smiles easily and sticks his hand out in offering. “Deal?”

Jeno leaps at the opportunity, shaking Renjun’s hand with the enthusiasm of an overexcited puppy. Renjun tries to ignore the way Jeno’s larger hand feels nice against his own, how they stay linked for just a breath of a second longer than necessary.

“Deal.”

❅

Jeno pitches the idea over text.

Renjun has just finished his meticulous nighttime routine: his favorite black cherry scented candle is lit on his dresser, he’s just taken off his facemask, and his hands are soft with lotion. He’s tucked underneath his soft silk sheets, ready to let his muscles recover from a long day of skating.

But instead of sleeping, he’s staring at the little black words smeared over his screen. He blinks, watching the text blur and come back into focus, but the message doesn’t change.

Heads up, my family is pretty nosy. If this is going to work, we’re going to need to come up with a good story and stick by it. Might help to do some practice runs before the big night一what do you say to grabbing coffee tomorrow before practice? :]

Renjun clicks his phone off and presses it to his heart for a moment, letting the words sink in. He almost mistakes the thumping in his chest for discomfort, and is seconds away from typing up a polite refusal before it dawns on him that there’s something warm glimmering between his ribcage.

Renjun has been in love with the ice since he was young. His ambition drove him to soar higher than he could’ve ever imagined, but it also left little room for others in his life. Jaemin and some of his other friends are like little pests that he could never weed out no matter how hard he tried, but he’s always been too busy for any sort of proper romance.

Maybe this isn’t a date, exactly, but fake or not, what Jeno is asking for is the closest Renjun has been to romance in years.

Perhaps it’ll be nice一perhaps it’ll be an utter failure.

Renjun’s thumbs hesitate over the keyboard for a second. When he sends the text, he throws his phone onto his bedside table and buries his head underneath his pillow, letting sleep wash away any embarrassment that dares to creep over him before the night’s end.

Like I always say, practice makes perfect! See you then. :)

❅

“You came!” Jeno greets with a brilliant smile. A few other patrons in the coffee shop turn an evil eye at the noise disrupting the grumpy stillness of early morning, and Renjun shrinks in on himself.

He crosses quickly to the table Jeno saved them, a quaint little spot by the window. Renjun quite likes to people-watch on the busy streets, so hopefully he won’t be a complete statue if he starts feeling awkward.

“I thought I was going to be early,” Renjun mumbles, “How were you early to being early?”

There are already drinks sitting on their table. Renjun groans internally when he sees the cup of black coffee waiting on his placemat. It’s an innocent enough move, as there’s plenty of cream and sugar around the cafe to customize it to his liking...but Renjun cannot stand coffee at all.

Jeno’s eyes curve up into pleasant little crescents, and Renjun forgets all about the unfortunate drink choice. “I like being early, and I didn’t want you to think you came to the wrong place or something. I assume you travel with the ice show, so you’re probably new to the city, right?”

It’s a clear conversation starter, but the intimacy of the moment starts to choke Renjun up. Jeno’s large hands wrap around his cup, and he takes a long drink to give Renjun space. The watery morning sunlight casts him in a subtle glow, and Renjun wonders if he’s always had that little mole by his eye.

The Renjun he becomes while performing feels so out of reach right now. With thousands of audience members waiting with bated breath, the stage lights beating down from above the rafters, his coworkers hidden away behind the curtains, and nothing but his blades on the ice and the wind over his skin to distract him, Renjun is invincible. He channels the courage, the fear, the fire of the character whose skin he’s wearing.

He’s not sure why a singular pair of eyes on him makes his throat dry up when millions fuel him, but it’s all different when it’s Jeno.

This was a mistake. A date is nothing like a performance.

But then again, none of this is real. It’s not meant to be. Renjun is learning how to play the part of Boyfriend Renjun in Jeno’s life, just as much as Jeno is learning how to become Jihun in Renjun’s show. Maybe he needs to start treating this like the performance it is.

Renjun chuckles a little too loudly even though Jeno didn’t make a joke. He sips at his coffee, choking back a wince at the bitter taste, and leans forward with his chin propped on his hand. Blinking long and slow, he smiles gently, giving Jeno his best adoring eyes. “Enough about me, what about you?”

Jeno laughs awkwardly. “What are you talking about? Renjun, you didn’t even answer my first question.”

What? Renjun is trying to play this up like he would for a crowd, which is exactly what they’ll be faced with at Jeno’s reunion. Why isn’t Jeno following his lead?

Renjun clears his throat and tries again. “Haha babe, you’re so funny! I meant, uh, since you moved back here to be with me, you already knew I’ve been living here for…” Renjun glances towards the ceiling, struggling to come up with a reasonable time frame for their supposed long distance relationship, “...two years? How’s that?”

Jeno stares at him for so long Renjun is ready to dump his cup of coffee over his own head just to have an excuse to leave. Just when Renjun has the cup lifted a few inches off the table, Jeno bursts out into unapologetically loud laughter. He snorts a few times, catching another few disgruntled glances from nearby customers, and is clutching his sides when he catches Renjun standing up to leave.

“No, no! I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have laughed,” Jeno wheezes, still trying to tamp down the grin on his face. “I know you’re trying your best, but it’s just一Renjun, you don’t have to try so hard. It’ll be so much more natural if we just get to know each other as each other, not with some boyfriend persona on. We’ll work out the story later, okay?”

Renjun’s sure he’s flushed bright red when he sits back down. When he buries his head in his hands, his cheeks burn hot against his skin. “This is a nightmare,” he groans, “I’m sorry, Jeno, I’m going to ruin this for you. It’s so fucking obvious I haven’t been on a date in years. I have no clue what I’m doing...”

“A date?” Jeno echoes, “Well then, I’m honored. But if we’re going to go on practice dates, I’ll have to take you to a nicer place next time.”

Renjun sinks even lower in his seat, if that’s possible. He eyes his cup of coffee again. Maybe if he chugs it all in one go, the abnormal amount of potent caffeine in his system will strike him dead on the spot.

“What are the odds of an alien invasion happening in the next ten minutes where both of our memories of this morning are completely wiped and I never have to think about this ever again?” Renjun says blankly, watching Jeno’s kind face out of the corner of his eye.

“Probably pretty low,” Jeno says, “But I’m amazed you even came up with that. I want to know more about you, the real you. I know you’re under there somewhere! Where’s the boy that marched up to me in the middle of the department store to cajole me into joining his traveling ice show?”

“Hey, that’s uncalled for! I was not in my right mind, and you know that!” Renjun defends himself, but there’s no heat behind the words.

“Do I?” Jeno widens his eyes in faux innocence, “Enlighten me. Tell me more about the show in general!”

Renjun swallows. Skating is one thing he could talk about for hours. No one is ever interested in his rambles besides his friends, who are there for every step of the process and therefore don’t need his long-winded explanations. He almost tries to brush it off in favor of asking Jeno more about his own life, but Jeno levels him with a serious glare, leaning back as if he could wait all day for Renjun’s response.

“Okay, well...The show follows my character, Minseok, an office worker who feels like he’s hit a dead end in life. He feels trapped by the passive lifestyle he ended up in, so he runs一skates, rather一away and falls through the ice of a frozen pond,” Renjun pauses, checking to see if Jeno has tuned him out yet. He wouldn’t blame the boy.

To Renjun’s surprise, Jeno is hanging on every word.

“Well? Does he drown?” Jeno prompts, and Renjun feels his shoulders relax. He can’t get the grin off his face as he spins the story he’s been working on for years for Jeno, hands waving enthusiastically through the air.

“No, how morbid! He wakes up in another world on the other side of the ice, and at first he’s surrounded by hostile creatures一first song in the second act, Newcomer一who surround him, but they’re chased off by an unlikely savior!” Renjun points triumphantly at Jeno, who mirrors the movement with endearingly large eyes. “Yes, you! Fantastical creature-boy Jihun takes Minseok in and shows him around his little world under the ice. They have adventures together and start to fall in love, but moreover Jihun shows Minseok how to be in love with life itself. They have to part ways at the end of course because Minseok can’t stay forever, but Jihun finds a way to be with him on the other side.”

Renjun feels so heard. It’s a nice feeling, warm and soft, and it settles over his skin like a well-loved blanket.

“Oh? How so?”

Renjun snorts. “You’ll find out when I teach you that part of the script. I can’t spoil it now, I need you to keep coming back!”

Jeno smiles a little too widely, a little too genuinely. “What a shame. I think I’d keep coming back no matter what.”

“Smooth,” Renjun rolls his eyes. “But not enough to sway me. Now, your turn. Who are you, Lee Jeno?”

“Well. It all started when I was born,” Jeno opens dramatically, and Renjun giggles.

It’s easy to get lost in Jeno’s voice. Renjun is so swept up in the surprisingly easy conversation that he forgets why they’re here. A little bit of research to get to know his character better can’t hurt, but he has to remind himself that none of this is built to last.

Fleeting or not, Renjun enjoys Jeno’s company. The pressure is gone, and all that’s left is Jeno’s toothy grin and the sounds of the coffee shop illuminating the atmosphere. In what feels like the blink of an eye, it’s already time for practice.

Jeno downs his coffee so he won’t have to juggle it along with the pair of skates he loaned from Renjun. Renjun, with most of his brain cells melted, chugs down his own drink before the rational side of his brain kicks in. Oops.

The cafe isn’t too far from the rink, so they choose to continue their light conversation as they walk. Renjun can tell that it’s all surface level, like Jeno’s unique talent for card tricks and other circus arts, but that’s enough for now. If Jeno wants to talk about his sudden move back home, he will do it on his own terms.

It’s still incredible early in training, but Renjun decides Jeno is ready to tackle some tougher moves. During one of their breaks, Renjun tugs off his skates and sits cross-legged on the bleachers with a few binders spread in front of him. He paws through the different pages of messy scribbles to find the numbers Jeno will be in.

Tapping at his lip, Renjun tries to ignore the nausea that sweeps over him from this morning’s coffee and selects a song to start with. He would be absolutely crucified by any skating coach if they found him teaching a newbie jumps this early in their skating career, but it’ll cut down on time if he only trains Jeno on the specific moves he needs to perform.

Without the slow build up to advanced moves, he should be able to get Jeno show ready before opening night. His form might not be the best, but they can fine tune that later if there’s time.

Renjun selects Avalanche and hops back onto the ice. He had told Jeno to take a break, but the boy is practicing dutifully in the corner, scowling when his blades catch on a groove in the ice and send him off balance.

“Easy there!” Renjun laughs, steadying him with one hand. Jeno peers curiously at the paper in Renjun’s hand, but Renjun grins and snatches it away. “We’re going to work on one of the longer pieces you’re in so we get that ready as soon as possible. Don’t worry, we can work on the lifting and throwing later. Right now, let’s get you used to your skates leaving the ice!”

Renjun skates over to where his laptop is plugged into the rink’s sound system, loading up the music for Avalanche. A soft, somber tune fills the air. The song is lyricless, relying entirely on sweet strings and soft drums.

Jeno’s eyes bug out a little. “Back up. Lifting and throwing?”

Renjun is already pulling him to the center of the rink before he can voice any more protests. “This is the first song that follows after our characters meet. Since Jihun is showing Minseok around this strange new world, you’re going to do the moves first, and I’ll follow. When the music picks up into something more confident, we’ll be dancing in sync. By the end of the song, we’re exploring and having fun and bonding, so we’ll move into a more advanced choreographed piece.”

Jeno audibly gulps. Renjun skates around him with a laugh. “You don’t have to look so scared. For this first part, I’ll follow whatever you do. If you fall, I’ll fall too. No pressure.”

He takes Jeno through the beginning moves of the song, demonstrating the flowing arm movements and elegant curves that his ballet training ingrained in his body. They’re skating along the outer edge of the rink, building up speed to transition into the first jump of the piece.

“Turn here, then shift your weight onto your right leg,” Renjun calls over his shoulder. “Your left leg should be free to swing behind you, then just stab at the ice with the front of your skate and一jump!”

Renjun twists himself into an impressive toe loop and lands solidly on his right blade. The momentum rocks his stomach, sending another wave of nausea over him as his system re-recognizes the traitorous coffee behind enemy lines.

Skating backwards, Renjun claps weakly at Jeno’s cute little hop. The boy’s eyes widen comically when he feels his skates leave the ice, but he listens well and maintains good momentum going into the jump. The ending is a little rough, with his right knee nearly buckling and his arms flailing wildly, but he makes it.

It’s good progress. Renjun gives him a few pointers, then moves on to teach the next jump in the sequence. This time, when he kicks off the ice, arms pulled in to rotate through the jump, his stomach turns.

Losing focus, Renjun finds himself plummeting towards the ice faster than he expected. His legs tremble and his blade lands at too extreme of an angle to the ice, sweeping his feet out from under him and sending him down hard.

“Renjun!”

Jeno immediately skates over and offers him a hand up. Renjun’s strong一he’s been through thousands of falls, and he knows this one isn’t any different than the rest. There’s a dull ache in his shoulder and he’ll definitely be bruised where his skates cinch around his ankles, but it’s not a big deal. Though his muscles will be just fine, the queasiness in his stomach hasn’t eased.

Suddenly, the back of Jeno’s hand is pressed to Renjun’s forehead.

“You look terrible! Are you feeling okay?” Jeno frowns, dabbing around Renjun’s forehead for signs of a fever. After a few seconds of stunned silence from Renjun, he drapes one arm around his shoulders and guides him to the bleachers.

“I hate coffee,” Renjun mumbles, wrapping both arms around his stomach as he chugs the water bottle from his bag.

Jeno makes a questioning noise, and a blush burns on Renjun’s face as he repeats himself. “I...I don’t drink coffee, okay? It makes me ill.”

Jeno blinks, then shakes his head. “But, this morning…? I would have ordered you something else if you told me. Why did you drink it?”

Because you were there, and I couldn’t think about anything else, Renjun wants to say. But that’s embarrassing, so he settles on, “I thought it would be different this time.”

Less embarrassing. Maybe.

Jeno clicks his tongue, instructing Renjun to rest before taking to the ice himself. “Right. Well, I won’t make that mistake again next time.”

Renjun’s head snaps up. “Next time?”

Jeno just smiles, rewinds the music, and begins to skate.

❅

“So, let me get this straight,” Jaemin snickers, “Or should I say, gay一”

“Nice one, Jaemin,” Jisung grits out with a roll of his eyes. Jaemin has the younger boy trapped in his lap, and has absolutely no qualms about tickling him to death in the name of hyping up his lame jokes. Threats go a long way, as Jaemin would say, and he relishes in the praises whether genuine or elicited by fear.

Renjun’s friends are strange.

“You, Huang Renjun, hopeless romantic yet utterly lost in regards to romance, one-track mind and married to the ice, have wound up in an elaborate fake dating plot in order to save your show?” Jaemin throws his head back in laughter. Mark takes the opportunity to toss a chip in Jaemin’s open mouth, which he catches, but not without choking first.

“If Jaemin dies on my property, would I一hypothetically, of course一be legally liable?” Renjun growls. “An accident could come out of nowhere. He would never see it coming. It would be so easy.”

“Oh, please. Your life would be boring without me,” Jaemin pouts, suddenly losing energy and sinking back into the couch. Jisung takes the opening to flee Jaemin’s clutches, and Mark eagerly fills in the empty space by pulling his boyfriend into his chest.

“Whatever. The point is, we have someone to fill in for Hyuckie’s part, so the show will be fine. And Jeno is...nice.” Renjun avoids eye contact, busying himself with the remote as they pick a movie to watch. His fingers twitch by his sides, wanting to review the songs and perhaps make a few more calls to the moving company, but Jaemin and Mark have confiscated all of his working materials in the name of ‘chillling the fuck out for once, man, come on’.

“He’d better be nice to you. You’re dating, after all.” Mark says innocently.

Renjun drops the remote. “We are not!”

“Aren’t you, though?” Jisung says, also innocently. At least Renjun knows he’s actually being genuine. Jisung is sweet like that.

“Well! Not really! I mean, we’ve gone on a few dates, but it’s just to practice. It doesn’t mean anything.”

So what if Jeno brought him a warm cup of tea to their next practice, remembering Renjun’s picky habits? It means nothing that they’ve expanded their practice dates into a tour of the city, with Jeno jotting down all the places he thinks Renjun would like to see. Jeno is a sweet guy and Renjun has never felt so comfortable around a stranger this fast, but none of it is built to last.

“Don’t your characters have a kiss at the end of the show?” Jaemin waggles an eyebrow. “Sure hope that doesn’t awaken anything in you, huh?”

“You’re being ridiculous. We always fake that kiss, it’s not a big deal. Don’t make it weird!” Renjun scowls, crossing his arms over his chest. “This is all strictly professional, and might I remind you, temporary.”

“You don’t have to think of the long run right now, Junnie. Take it for what it is and enjoy what it’s offering you in the moment. Just because something won’t last forever doesn’t mean it doesn’t matter in the here and now.” Mark’s heavy hand falls onto Renjun’s shoulder, squeezing it gently before falling off.

“That’s my Markieboo, the best lyricist and poet of our time,” Jaemin crows proudly, looping his arms around Mark’s neck and tugging him into a loving chokehold.

Renjun nibbles at his lower lip. “Live in the moment, stop and smell the roses, live laugh love, yeah I get it. No use in worrying about it right now, even if this whole fake dating scam is bound to blow up in my face. I’m sure you guys will be introduced to him soon, once he’s ready for the group choreographies.”

“Can’t wait to meet him.” There’s something devious about Jaemin’s sharp smile, and Renjun shivers.

He watches Mark lace his fingers together, giving Jisung a boost to test if his head would go through this ceiling if they were to throw him into the air.

On second thought, maybe Renjun should keep Jeno away from his friends at all costs.

❅

“Two, three, jump!” Renjun calls from the side of the rink, clapping his hands to keep the beat of the music. “Keep your leg behind you, and一that’s it! Steady, steady, stick the landing. Camel spin. Now the twist, glide, and turn left. Your other left, Jeno. Arms up! Soften the elbows, gently bring them down. Right foot hooked behind the left. Hold the pose. Good!”

Renjun can’t keep the grin off his face as he skates toward the center of the rink. Jeno is bent over with his hands planted on his knees, chest heaving and skin flushed red with exertion. When he picks his head up to meet Renjun’s gaze, though, he looks just as elated.

“That was great, Jeno! You’re picking this up so fast, it’s incredible.” Renjun shakes his head in awe. He’s never seen a skater progress this fast, likely because Jeno has the time and energy to dedicate hours upon hours every single day to practicing. No matter how many, many, many times he falls, he gets right back up every time.

There are still rough patches to polish and rhythms to iron out, and they’ve certainly had their fair share of arguing and tears, but the routine is coming along well.

Renjun runs a self-conscious hand through his hair, fingers lingering on his sideburns in a nervous habit he hopes Jeno hasn’t picked up on yet. “So. We should probably work on the pair part of the pair dances now, huh?”

“You know me. I’m game for anything, coach,” Jeno salutes him with a teasing grin. Renjun scoffs, swatting his arm before getting in position.

Renjun takes a deep breath. He searches for the pair skate move in their routine that will involve the least contact between them. The selection isn’t great.

He settles on upright dance spins. Standing at the center of the rink, they hesitantly link hands. Both of them push off with their right skate, building up the momentum as they start to spin.

“We want to rotate around a common axis in the middle here, so don’t reach too far.”

Renjun’s mouth is moving, but the instructions in his mouth feel like rubber. He’s not sure how he’s still talking right when all he can think about is Jeno’s hand clasped in his.

With a sharp shake of his head, Renjun dislodges himself from the fluttering in his chest. Now is not the time. This is supposed to be professional.

They bend the elbows of their joined arms after a few rotations, letting the momentum carry them as they grab onto each other. Renjun’s hands grip Jeno’s upper arms, while the other boy’s hands end up clasped together on the small of Renjun’s back.

It’s hard not to look Jeno in the eye when they’re in this position, but Renjun thinks he really will lose his mind if he sees Jeno’s adorable eye smile up this close.

Swallowing, Renjun strikes that last thought from his mind and pretends to observe the way their skates are carving into the ice.

After three spins, Renjun initiates the exit. Their hands remain linked until they stray far enough away where they must dramatically let go. Jeno folds in on himself as he releases Renjun’s hand, gracefully gliding away with his hands clutched to his heart like letting go was the hardest thing he’s ever done. The gesture is probably meant to be somewhat comedic, but it’s...really good. Jeno looks really good.

Clearing his throat, Renjun flashes a quick thumbs up. “That was a great start. Let’s try going into it from the leading and following section, then coming out of it into our own individual sequences. Remember to keep your balance.”

Pair dances were never awkward with Donghyuck. Maybe it’s just because Donghyuck always pretended like he was going to throw Renjun into the baseboards if Renjun critiqued his form one more time.

Or, maybe it’s the fact that Jeno’s bright laughter and gentle hands makes Renjun’s chest feel like it’s collapsing in on itself. Whatever that means.

Either way, Renjun swears the pounding in his chest is audible when he guides Jeno through a beginners lift. As gently as he can, he balances one foot atop Jeno’s, relying on the other boy to keep up their momentum as they coast. Renjun leans backwards, arm curving into the air to hold an elegant pose.

Jeno stutters a little bit with the weight change, so they try again. They build up better momentum this time, but Renjun falters when he steps up and nearly slips off of Jeno’s skate.

Large hands settle on his waist to keep him in place. Renjun’s breath hitches as Jeno pulls him in close, their chests nearly connecting as Renjun tries to find his balance.

Was Jeno always this broad?

“Easy there,” Jeno mumbles into Renjun’s ear, taking them into a small spin while maintaining the lift. Renjun fights the blush rising to his face.

Jeno’s hair is rumpled and there’s a slight sheen of sweat shimmering across his forehead from a long day that’s only growing longer. His arms are strong where they’re secured around Renjun, and the muscles in his upper arms flex as he gently squeezes Renjun’s waist to lift him off.

Renjun’s original department store assessment is holding up well. Jeno could definitely bench press him with one arm.

“We make a good team,” Jeno says, aiming that goddamn heart melting smile at Renjun again.

Renjun resists the urge to cover his eyes because a smile like that should be classified as a weapon. Instead, he squeaks out a, “Sure do!” and starts the music over again.

❅

Jeno wants to take Renjun to the city center tonight. Apparently, it’s a great place for bonding.

Renjun isn’t sure if any of these practice dates are really helping. Sure, they’re learning more about each other, and Renjun is noting down fun facts about Jeno and their encounters to fondly reminisce on at the reunion, and maybe he’s enjoying Jeno’s presence more than he should, but it’s all starting to feel a little overboard. Maybe.

Not that Renjun is complaining. He’ll bask in whatever this is for as long as it lasts.

Their shoulders nearly bump as Jeno leads him through the crowded city streets. A wonderful dinner at a hole-in-the-wall restaurant Jeno picked out is now behind them, and Renjun’s stomach is stuffed and happy. His heart might be, too.

Wiry little trees dot the sidewalks in an effort to bring some green to the concrete jungle of the city landscape. Fairy lights are wrapped around the trunks and even sneak around some lampposts and benches. The city is twinkling with the promise of the upcoming holiday season, and Renjun burrows contentedly into his fluffy coat.

Despite the chilly weather, plenty of life and activity fills the streets. Sunset wasn’t long ago, so there are still children screaming and giggling as they chase each other around under the watchful gaze of parents. Jeno and Renjun window shop for a while, snickering at some truly unfortunate mannequins in the storefront displays.

Renjun presses himself against one of the windows and tries his best to imitate the cramped pose the mannequin has been contorted into. When Jeno raises an eyebrow, Renjun sticks out his tongue.

“It’s high fashion. You wouldn’t understand.”

“You’re right, I don’t.” Jeno laughs, but he’s already heading over to copy the neighboring mannequin so Renjun isn’t making a fool of himself all alone.

Renjun buys them some snacks from street vendors as they wander leisurely through the city center. Aside from shops and restaurants, there are numerous public artworks and statues to admire. Small artists create and sell their work on the side, filling the night with the sounds of spray paint cans and pencil scratching against parchment. Renjun has half a mind to get caricatures done of him and Jeno, but Jeno already has something else in mind.

There’s a large plaza in front of a hall at the end of the street. Wide steps lead into what is likely a building filled with more shops, but the real fun is what’s happening in front of it.

A crowd has gathered to watch the street performers in the plaza. A few women are sitting on the steps of the building with overturned buckets between their knees, drumming in a flashy and impressive way as they effortlessly pass drumsticks between each other. There’s a man on a keyboard close by, and in front of him a young woman sings soulfully into a portable microphone.

The band’s tune is lively and fun, and Jeno is already grooving to the music as he pulls Renjun through the crowd. Some members of the audience are clapping along with shy smiles on their faces, others swaying to the beat.

As Renjun and Jeno melt into the scene, an older couple peel away from the audience and skirt along the edges of the circle, hands clasped together in a cute little jig. The grandmother lifts her arm, twirling her husband underneath with a laugh. He has to crouch quite a bit to make it work, but they continue shimmying to the music.

It’s quite the sweet sight. Renjun is content to sit aside and coo over the old couple for a little longer, but it seems Jeno has other plans.

Strong fingers encircle Renjun’s wrist. Jeno’s low voice rumbles in his ear. “Shall we?”

Renjun doesn’t get a chance to respond before Jeno is pulling them into the center of the circle.

Jeno turns back to face him with a blinding grin on his face, looking utterly delighted at the whoops and cheers of the crowd egging him on. Renjun wonders where the shy, timid boy from that first day of practice went. He’s glad Jeno has relaxed around him, even if it leads to situations like the one they’re in right now.

“Jeno, I don’t一” Renjun hisses. He cuts himself off when Jeno’s hands settle on his waist, drawing him into their beginning position for Open Spaces. His thumbs stroke gently against the lean planes of Renjun’s torso, and his grin nearly brushes Renjun’s forehead before he spins him away.

“Nonsense! You’re an ice dancer, it’s close enough!”

If there’s one thing Renjun knows, it’s how to give a damn good performance.

It’s a bit awkward translating the choreography to solid earth and the music doesn’t quite line up with the rhythms they’ve been pounding into their bodies, but they make it work. Renjun immediately falls into the role of Minseok, reaching out to connect with the first friendly face he’s found in this strange new world.

They mirror each other’s movements, motion flowing from the tips of their fingers and curving along the vertebrae of their spines. Renjun leans into a daring lunge, arms floating above his head. At his side in an instant, Jeno wraps his arms around Renjun’s middle to support his weight as he switches legs, suspended gracefully in the air.

The crowd is whistling their praises, captivated by the performance. Even when Renjun and Jeno falter during their routine一there’s really no way to replicate the dizzying scratchspins without the aid of a frictionless surface一the audience loves them.

Renjun takes a few steps back as the music starts to wind down, preparing for their daring final move. It’s one they’re still practicing, but Jeno has dragged them out here and gotten Renjun drunk on performance adrenaline and praise, so he’s going to have to deal with the consequences.

Taking a running start, Renjun leaps into Jeno’s arms. Jeno catches him squarely by the hips, spinning to raise Renjun at an angle above his head. Renjun’s back bends as he grabs for his foot, contorting himself into an impressive pose.

“Don’t drop me,” Renjun says out of the corner of his mouth, smiling widely at the audience’s applause.

“Wouldn’t dream of it,” comes Jeno’s breathless reply, and he gently brings Renjun back to earth again.

A few other willing participants have grooved their way into the middle of the circle, setting off a party that will surely last all night一or however long the buskers will stick around. Renjun and Jeno drop a few generous bills into the musicians’ donation box and slip away to a quieter street.

“That was fun,” Renjun admits, giggling as Jeno twirls him under the warm glow of a decorated streetlamp. “I didn’t think you had it in you. You’re a natural born performer, you know?”

Jeno chokes on his laugh, pulling a surprised face. “I think I’m supposed to take that as a compliment?”

“Up to interpretation,” Renjun quips. Even though they’ve calmed down, walking normally through the empty street, their hands remain linked. Renjun is grateful for his gloves, because he doesn’t know what he’d do if Jeno found out how clammy his palms are right now at the display of affection.

They end up settling down on a nearby bench. Renjun swings his legs, falling into a sort of silence as they observe the city life thriving around them.

Jeno squeezes his hand. When Renjun looks over at him, he’s staring resolutely at the remnants of frozen leaves pressed into the pavement.

“The show is coming up, huh?” Jeno comments softly. “I suppose I’ll be joining group practices soon?”

Renjun groans. “Ugh, don’t remind me. Whatever my friends tell you, just ignore them. They’re menaces and not to be trusted under any circumstances.”

Jeno laughs, but it sounds a little thin to Renjun’s sharp ears. The dramatic grimace drops from his expression, and he shuffles just a fraction closer to assess Jeno’s face. “Hey, are you okay?”

Jeno hums, pulling his knees up into his chest on the bench. A few snowflakes drift from the sky. One lands on the tip of his nose, which scrunches at the sudden shock of cold.

“It’s just insane to think about how, in a few weeks, this will all be over.”

There’s a freckle on the side of Jeno’s nose. Renjun wonders how he’s never noticed it before.

“Yeah, I’ll be out of your hair soon enough,” Renjun tries to lighten the mood. “I bet you can’t wait, huh?”

Jeno pouts. “Are you saying you won’t miss me?”

“You’re setting me up!” Renjun rolls his eyes, and Jeno laughs. “It’ll definitely be weird, that’s for sure. But the show itself is going to be amazing. There’s really nothing quite like performing. It’s addictive.”

Jeno is quiet for another few moments. Whatever is weighing on his mind, Renjun will wait. The fingers of Jeno’s free hand tap restlessly on his jaw. Renjun watches his fingertips drum closer and closer to his lips, and swallows hard.

“Not gonna lie, I’m nervous. It all feels very real suddenly, and I’m just一I’m a little worried? I’m afraid I’m going to ruin your show, Jun. Misfortune seems to follow me...” Jeno’s mouth twists, and he ducks his head with a frustrated shake. “Ah, sorry to put a damper on our date! I just want you to know I’m trying my best. I know how much this means to you.”

Something in Renjun’s chest flickers at Jeno not including the word practice or fake while referencing the date, but it’s all drowned out by a wave of concern. Renjun almost drops their hands in surprise, but instead holds on harder and angles his whole body towards Jeno.

“Hey, hey, don’t talk like that! You’ve been like a dream to teach. I know you came in with no experience or background, but you’ve made up for that a thousand times over in work ethic. I’ve never seen someone dedicate so much of themselves to practicing, and it really shows. Honestly, I can’t believe I didn’t write the part for you specifically. You’re a natural.” Renjun places a firm hand on Jeno’s shoulder, but finds he can’t bear to make eye contact when Jeno looks his way. “I’m really proud of you. You’re going to be amazing in the show, and even if you mess up the entire thing it’ll be better than me trying to do all those crazy throws and lifts by myself.”

Renjun trails off, unable to piece words together any longer with the way Jeno is looking at him. The boy’s eyes are round, sparkling at the praise like he’d never heard those words before. His chin is tilted up earnestly at Renjun, and his eyebrows are drawn together as if moved by the impromptu speech. He wouldn’t seem like the self conscious type on the outside, but Renjun has learned that Jeno’s heart is much softer, much more delicate than it might appear.

Not for the first time, Renjun wonders what brought Jeno back to his hometown.

Renjun can only handle the vulnerability for a moment before dropping his gaze to his hands. “I’m serious. And I don’t give out compliments easily, Lee Jeno, especially when it comes to skating, so you better accept it quick before I get any more embarrassed.”

Jeno’s whole face breaks into that gentle smile Renjun has gotten so accustomed to. He likes this look much better on Jeno, especially when it’s genuine like this.

“Thank you, Renjun,” Jeno bumps their shoulders together. “Really, thank you. I won’t let you down. Though I have to say, the mental image of you trying to hurl yourself across the ice without me is kind of funny.”

“This can still turn into a one-lead show, don’t test me!” Renjun threatens, but they both know the words are empty.

Jeno derails the conversation by talking about the next place he wants to take Renjun to, and Renjun lets the topic go. They talk and laugh until the moon is high in the sky and both of them are shivering.

Renjun, who naturally prefers colder environments as a lifelong ice skater, drapes his jacket over Jeno’s shaking shoulders before his brain catches up to his hands. Jeno stares at him for a second before raising one teasing eyebrow. Renjun just sticks out his tongue.

Before he can retract the affectionate gesture, Jeno pulls the jacket snug around his shoulders. It looks comically tiny on him.

“Now we really look like we’re dating. Nice touch!” Jeno can’t stop himself from adding with a grin. Renjun just huffs and starts walking several feet ahead of him, ignoring his dramatic pleas for forgiveness.

Jeno tries to give it back when they arrive at the place Renjun is staying. Renjun just scuffs his foot against the curb. “Um, you have to walk to your place, right? You get cold easily. Just return it to me during practice or something.”

A slow smile spreads across Jeno’s lips. This one isn’t teasing; it’s just sweet. “I’ll treat it well.”

“You better.” Renjun’s hand is halfway to the doorknob when he pauses. “Listen, Jeno...it’s nice to know what’s on your mind, so don’t apologize about bringing up your worries. You aren’t a burden. A distracted skater is bad news, okay? I nearly chipped a tooth smashing into a baseboard when I was fifteen because I was upset over failing an exam. So. Come talk to me, yeah?”

Jeno’s smile seems to freeze on his face as he processes the words. Renjun is ready to plunge himself into his apartment and hibernate for the rest of his life, but Jeno catches his wrist before he can make his grand escape.

“Thank you.”

Jeno is much closer than Renjun had expected. Like this, Renjun could count each one of his eyelashes, trace the mole under his eye, admire the sharp cut of his cheekbones.

The hug catches him off guard, Jeno’s strong arms looping around Renjun’s body for just a quick squeeze.

And then he’s gone. With a hasty goodbye thrown over his shoulder, Jeno disappears into the frigid winter night.

Maybe he’s also afraid of whatever line they’re hovering on with this fake-dating thing.

Hours later, Renjun finds he can’t sleep. He stares at the pasty white ceiling, watching the tiles swirl together. He can’t get Jeno’s words off his mind.

Are you saying you won’t miss me?

Renjun rolls onto his side. He pulls his hands to his heart, frowning at the steady pulsing under his skin. There’s an ache somewhere there, deep within.

“I will,” he realizes. The night is tranquil, listening, but the moon has no words of comfort for him.

I really will.

❅

“So! Have you banged mister hottie emergency hire yet, yes or no? And if no, when can I?”

Oh, Renjun is going to kill Donghyuck for so many reasons.

Renjun lets the door slam shut behind him with fists clenched by his sides. The rink is filled with chatter and the sounds of swishing blades, but Renjun’s vision narrows to the first bleacher on the left side, where a certain figure with a bright yellow cast waits with open arms.

“Miss me?” Donghyuck grins.

“You demon!” Renjun shrieks, throwing his bag to the side and lunging at the boy. He has half a mind to strangle him right then and there, but the violence drains from him mid-leap and he ends up tackling Donghyuck into a tight hug, mindful of his injured ankle. He squeezes probably a little harder than necessary, whispering sweetly into his ear, “If you so much as breathe near Jeno I will feed you to the zamboni and have you encased in the ice forever. So watch your step.”

“Ah, so nice to be back. You always give me the warmest welcomes.” Donghyuck pats Renjun’s back.

Yangyang, who is stretching a few feet away, ambles closer to them to give Donghyuck a fist bump. “Hey, man! Good to see you. I’m surprised they let you back in here.”

“They can’t keep me bedridden for long!” Donghyuck thumps at his chest. “Don’t tell the tour company I’m still hanging around. They thought I went home already, but no way in hell was anyone going to keep me away from cheering you guys on. And maybe criticizing you. I missed that.”

“Good to have you back, I think.” Renjun catches the Sharpie marker Donghyuck chucks at his head. He crouches to scrawl a message on Donghyuck’s cast, passing it to Yangyang when he’s done. When the other skater is distracted, Renjun looms over Donghyuck with a warning glare. “I’m serious, don’t you dare scare off my emergency hire. I need him alive for opening night.”

The grin widens on Donghyuck’s face. He brings his hand to his heart, nodding solemnly. When Renjun is just about to depart for the ice, he pulls a handkerchief out of nowhere and starts dabbing at his eyes. “Oh, they grow up so fast! It feels like just yesterday you had sworn off romance in the name of your career and now you’ve found someone to make out with under the bleachers一”

“Afternoon, Renjun!” Jeno skates over to the side, waving enthusiastically. “I didn’t forget your jacket. It’s with my bag!”

Renjun squeaks out a pleasant greeting before turning a stone cold face back to Donghyuck. He hopes Donghyuck knows his safety rides on Jeno not having overheard a word of their conversation. “Not a sound.”

Donghyuck raises both hands in mock surrender, but he’s still grinning.

Renjun marches over to where Jeno’s bag rests. His jacket is folded neatly on top to keep it away from the dirty wood of the bleachers. When he picks it up, he’s surprised by how soft it feels. After a moment of hesitation, he presses his nose to the neckline.

Jeno washed it. It smells like him now.

“My bad. What I meant was, now you’ve found someone to fuck under the bleachers!”

“Murder is wrong, Renjun, murder is wrong,” Renjun chants to himself as he breezes past Donghyuck, tossing his jacket with the rest of his equipment. “Murder is illegal and you don’t want to go to jail before opening night, Renjun.”

Renjun schools his features into something pleasant before assessing the rink. It’s their first practice with all of the cast members instead of smaller rehearsals focusing on one song at a time. It’s also Jeno’s first time meeting the rest of the crew, but it already seems to be going well. Mark has roped Jeno into a conversation about God knows what, and he smoothly returns the wave Johnny throws as he skates by.

Renjun feels oddly proud. He squashes it before he can get too distracted, and sets off to talk to Jaemin about how the lighting is coming along.

Before they start working through the first song, Renjun spies his opening. Jeno is sitting in the rink’s penalty box to readjust his laces. Renjun skates over and folds his arms on the wall. Jeno perks up when he notices him, and Renjun tries to not let that go to his head.

“Nothing to worry about, see?”

Jeno chuckles, stretching his skates out in front of him. “We haven’t really started. You never know what could happen.”

“Isn’t that half the fun?” Renjun offers a hand, and Jeno takes it. He tugs him out onto the ice, squeezing his hand once before dropping it. “Come on. Let’s show off all the progress we’ve been making.”

They run Overtime, the first group number. It’s extraordinarily fun with the office desks and chairs for props, and Renjun can feel himself settle into the role of Minseok more and more as they go. He steals glances at Jeno as often as he can.

It’s just to make sure he’s getting the hang of it, of course.

Jeno looks like a natural. He picks up the intricate arm choreography and jumps up on the desk with his skates as if it’s nothing. He looks in his element, like he’s taken this unfamiliar world and bent it to suit himself, worn this skater persona so long it became real.

Renjun almost misses his next cue. He hopes no one else has noticed his staring, but the soft snicker Jaemin lets out when he skates past him is all he needs to know that he’ll be getting the interrogation of a lifetime on their lunch break.

The first few runs go smoothly. There are some minor synchronization problems to iron out and everyone needs time to adjust to the set pieces, but they’re already in good shape. Most of the cast rest while Renjun and Jeno step up for one of their duets.

“You were right. Nothing to worry about,” Jeno smiles as he settles into their beginning pose, Renjun’s hand clasped in his own.

“My favorite words,” Renjun quips before the music starts, and then they’re off.

Skating with Jeno feels so natural. Whenever he turns, he knows Jeno is right by his side. Their bodies ebb and flow around each other, responding to the push and pull of the music threading through the rink. Renjun’s legs wrap around the side of Jeno’s body as he’s lifted into the air, and Jeno’s knees bend to further dramatize the move. Their spins feel like breathing and Jeno’s hands trailing along Renjun’s arms leave goosebumps in their wake.

There are a few mistakes, of course. That’s why they practice. The song is supposed to be angsty and full of yearning, but Renjun can barely bite back the smile rising to his lips because this just feels good.

It’s on one of their last throw jumps that they really screw up. Their form feels off and Renjun doesn’t quite get the speed needed to make the double rotation in the air. He’s not prepared to land, so when he does, he takes Jeno down with him.

Renjun yelps as their limbs tangle. He’s already slammed his elbow into Jeno’s shoulder, and they’re falling hard. There’s nothing he can do to prevent his skull from meeting the ice below.

The arena is silent.

Renjun is flat on his back on the cold rink, but his head definitely doesn’t feel like it’s cracked open with all his brain matter seeping into the ice, or anything. In fact, his head isn’t even throbbing. Maybe the cold has already numbed the pain?

There’s something warm underneath him, though. A certain pair of broad shoulders looming over him blocks out the harsh fluorescent lights that are scattered above them.

“One thing to worry about,” Jeno wheezes, “Are you okay?”

Somehow, mid-fall, Jeno was able to cushion Renjun’s head with his hand. He had landed on top of Renjun, taking the brunt of the impact with his forearm instead of crushing Renjun. When Renjun fails to respond, Jeno’s thumb starts stroking the skin where his fingers are curled around the back of his neck. The touch is gentle, worried.

They’re so close their noses could brush. Jeno’s arm trembles where he’s holding himself up, like at any second his muscles could give out and send his lips crashing into Renjun’s.

Why does that sound so...nice?

Someone wolf-whistles from the bleachers, and Renjun’s heart leaps in his chest. He nearly slams their foreheads together in an attempt to scramble up, almost giving them both the concussions they had just narrowly avoided.

“I-I’m great!” Renjun laughs awkwardly. He brushes himself off to avoid Jeno’s concerned puppy dog eyes. “Uh, nice catch. Thanks.”

“I’m so sorry!” Jeno’s frown presses deep lines of sadness into his face. He’s still crowding so close, and it’s like all the moisture has evaporated from Renjun’s mouth.

Jeno’s hand hovers in the air for a second before he finds his confidence. Biting his lip with worry, he runs a hand through Renjun’s hair to brush out the clumps of snow the skaters had scraped up over the day. His fingers pause, massaging gently at the base of Renjun’s neck to look for a lump or any sign of injury. Renjun shivers.

He licks his lips a few times in hopes of banishing the dryness in his mouth long enough to form a coherent sentence. It must be his imagination that Jeno’s gaze flickers down for a moment to track the movement.

Sick, sick imagination.

“You seem fine,” Jeno’s shoulders slump in relief. “You didn’t hit your head, right?”

“I don’t think so, thanks to you. I knew I could trust you.” Renjun mumbles. He tucks a lock of his long hair behind his ear, unsure what to do with himself. Suddenly remembering that they aren’t the only people in the entire world, a jolt runs up his spine. His head snaps to the side, looking for whoever he put in charge of the music.

He finds Jisung staring at him with wide eyes. A blush burns bright on his cheeks as he signals to Jisung to rewind the music, but Jaemin steps into his line of vision and motions for him to get off the ice.

“Let’s, uh, take a break. Other than this part, I think the rest of the song is going well! Good job,” Renjun says weakly, shaking Jeno’s hand for some idiotic fucking reason. Jeno’s fingers are still a little tense when Renjun pulls away, as if he hadn’t wanted to let go.

Renjun’s legs feel unsteady under him as he hobbles off the ice. It feels like the whole rink can hear his pulse slamming under his skin, read the messages spelled out in the rhythm of his heartbeat. Before he can stop himself, one finger skims across his cold-chapped lower lip.

Jeno was that close.

Jaemin tsks as he checks Renjun over for injuries, threatening to clobber Renjun with his ice pack if he tries any more risky maneuvers before they’re ready to do them safely. Renjun just nods along to whatever lecture Jaemin is giving him. It’s better to let Jaemin exhaust himself when he gets like this.

“I can’t believe you didn’t tell me you had a boyfriend for real, Injunnie. Did spending our formative years together mean nothing to you? Seriously, you throw up on your best friend during junior prom one time and he never tells you about his love life again!” Jaemin throws his arms up in frustration. Renjun chokes on his water, nearly upending the contents of his bottle onto the bleachers around them as he lunges to muffle Jaemin with his hand.

“What the fuck are you talking about!”

Silenced, Jaemin is only able to protest by biting Renjun’s hand and flailing in Jeno’s general direction. Renjun had gotten used to the feeling of Jaemin’s sharp teeth embedded in his skin all the way back in elementary school, so he doesn’t even flinch.

“There is nothing going on between us!” Renjun insists. He only removes his hands after enough time has gone by to make sure Jaemin doesn’t have enough breath to scream without actually strangling him.

“For real?” Taeil’s eyes nearly bug out of his head. “I thought you guys were just trying to be secretive about it. Poorly trying to be secretive about it, I might add.”

Renjun groans when he remembers that other people are in earshot. He truly cannot win ever. Before he can blink, there is a small group of cast members clustered around him, all jumping on the opportunity to tease Renjun or at least come away with some juicy gossip.

Jaemin glares when he releases him. “You can’t lie to me, Injunnie, you know that. I knew you were fake-dating or whatever excuse that was, but when did that turn into something real?”

“It’s not! What the fuck! We had a deal, and that’s it. Why don’t you people believe me?!” Renjun huffs. He’s at least grateful Jeno is on the other side of the arena. He deserves to be spared from the interrogation.

“Renjun,” Jisung says gently, and goddamnit Renjun can’t ignore Jisung, “You do realize you’ve never smiled like that at Donghyuck when you two performed, right? I’ve never seen you look so...free?”

“Hey!” Donghyuck protests from the side. He scoots in close enough for Renjun to spot the black scribbles on his sunny cast. Renjun had written Take care, idiot! on the side, which Jaemin had taken the liberty of drawing a heart around and adding love, Renjun.

“It’s true, it’s true! And he looks at you the same way!” Chenle crows as he pokes Renjun in the side, and oh god he’s really cornered now.

Renjun hadn’t noticed if Jeno started looking at him any differently. The thought of Jeno stealing fond glances or experiencing the same rush of adrenaline whenever Renjun looks his way, the same thing Renjun always feels when Jeno looks at him, is dizzying. But his overzealous teammates tend to exaggerate, so Renjun decides not to get his hopes up.

Besides. It’s all temporary, anyways.

“Whatever! Listen,” Renjun enunciates carefully. “Not long from now, this stop of the tour will close, Jeno’s family reunion will be over, and we’ll go our separate ways. I’ll never see him again. So none of this even matters, okay? It doesn’t matter.”

This time, his rowdy friends are quiet when he pulls his skates back on and shoves his way back onto the ice.

It doesn’t matter.

Jeno’s gentle hands wrap around his waist again. Poised to move when the music starts back up, Renjun stares at the glimmering ice below and tries to convince himself he believes his own words.

❅

Renjun wonders if they’ll ever acknowledge how they definitely don’t need this many practice dates to pull off the ruse.

He flops onto his bed with a sigh, one arm draping over his eyes to block out the light. His phone is still lit up next to him. A message from Jeno is open on the screen, a promise to pick him up soon.

At this point, Renjun could rattle off a number of anecdotes about their fake-relationship to Jeno’s family. The strange thing is that all those anecdotes are real. From the time Jeno snorted Sprite out of his nose at a nice restaurant to when they both slipped on the same patch of ice and knocked down half of the people on the sidewalk in the process, it’s all so...real.

The only thing fake about them is the label. That sits a little strangely in Renjun’s chest.

Renjun’s phone buzzes. Before he can stew in his overthinking for any longer, he shrugs on a coat and is out the door.

Jeno has his hands shoved in his pockets, rocking back and forth on the balls of his feet as he waits for Renjun.

“Hello, not-boyfriend!”

Renjun swats his shoulder. “Careful, you’ll blow our cover in front of your family if that becomes a habit.”

“Right, right. What should I call you in front of them, then? Darling? Honey? Pumpkin?” Jeno teases, linking their arms together and pulling Renjun down the street.

“On second thought…” Renjun pretends to gag at the cheesy pet names. If his ears happen to be tinged a little red at the tips from hearing such terms of endearment come out of Jeno’s mouth...well, that’s just the cold air.

His mouth runs dry at Jeno’s shoulder pressed close to his own. Definitely the cold air.

“Where are you taking me?”

They’ve been walking for quite a long time. Renjun doesn’t mind, as the scenery is nice and the night isn’t miserably frigid. The streets are getting quieter and calmer the further away from the heart of the city they get. It’s comfortable. Jeno hasn’t let go of his arm.

“One of my favorite places,” Jeno says cryptically. “I think you’ll like it.”

He seems a little nervous. So far, Jeno has been pretty good at picking out spots around the city that Renjun might like to see, so Renjun isn’t sure why he’s wavering now.

It isn’t even a real date, after all.

Not long after, with the city fading behind them, Jeno pulls Renjun off the narrow street. They’re in a more wooded area now, and there’s a faint path leading between the trees.

Renjun raises an eyebrow. “If you murder me before opening night I will haunt you so bad, Lee Jeno, you have no idea. I’ll bend all your favorite forks and, like, turn on the faucet at night so your water bill is unmanageably high.”

Jeno snickers. “What, you don’t trust me? Aren’t you the one who sat me down for a whole lecture about how important trusting your partner is in skating?”

Renjun scowls. He did say that. He drops his hand in Jeno’s offered one with a sigh. “Lead the way, not-boyfriend, not-murderer.”

Jeno takes them through the winding path. Though winter is advancing on them, the leaf-covered forest floor is thankfully not slippery. Renjun still trips on overgrown tree roots a few times because of the darkness.

Good thing Jeno is still holding his hand. To steady him when he stumbles, of course.

They soon come to a break in the trees. Beyond the area lies a great rock outcropping leading to a cliffside. The flat slabs of rock near the mouth of the forest are covered in graffiti and spray paint, the residue of once high school sweethearts and rowdy groups of friends.

“Is this, like, a popular makeout spot or something?” Renjun says bluntly. Jeno chokes, hands frantically waving the suggestion away.

“No! I mean, kinda. For some people, maybe? Definitely for some people. But not us. Unless, uh.” Jeno clears his throat, and then does it again. Renjun has to bite his lip to muffle his giggles. “Anyways. I took you here because the light pollution isn’t as bad away from the city. Thought you might like to see the stars.”

Sprawled out beyond the edge of the cliff lies the city. Bright lights twinkle beneath them, some taller buildings framed elegantly against the skyline. Above them, Renjun can see more stars than he’s seen in a long time, since he’s spent the last year or so touring major cities with the show company. It’s not often that he gets to steal such quiet moments away from the hustle and bustle of show preparation, and even then he’s still immersed in the fast-paced life of the surrounding city.

Out here, with nothing but Jeno and the stars by his side, Renjun feels content. Happy, even, despite knowing that none of this is truly his to relish in.

“How romantic.” The words come out a little more genuine than Renjun had intended. “Or, not-romantic, I guess,” he amends weakly, “Um. This is really thoughtful of you. It’s beautiful out here.”

Jeno’s shoulders slump with relief. “Then let’s grab our seats, shall we?”

Jeno scouts out his favorite stargazing spot, a little niche eroded into the rock with the best view of the constellations overhead. They watch the city thrive beneath them. Their lookout point is still close enough to pick out the cars zipping through the streets, so they make a game of making up stories about where each car is heading off to at this hour.

When they grow tired of watching the flashing lights of a passing police car bathe entire city blocks in bright swatches red and blue, they turn their gazes upwards. Renjun points out all the constellations he can remember.

“And that one is, um...the Great Rotten Apple constellation!” Jeno confidently points towards a faint cluster of stars. It looks nothing like an apple, much less a rotten one. Renjun still squints and tilts his head to give it his best effort.

“I don’t know a whole lot about astronomy, but I’m pretty sure that isn’t a NASA recognized constellation.”

“Prove me wrong,” Jeno challenges, which, yeah, he’s got Renjun there.

“Well, you’ve clearly mixed it up, because that’s the,” Renjun searches around in his head, “the uh, Rabid Reindeer constellation. Look, that bright star in the center is zombie Rudolph’s nose, and the other stars are his sharp, sharp teeth.”

Jeno snorts, eyes widening in mock seriousness. “Oh, of course! My mistake!”

They continue to make up stupid little constellations and weave elaborate tales around the pattern of stars in the sky. It all feels so natural, so comfortable, so real.

They’re going to ace this fake date, that’s for sure.

The moon rises higher in the sky. While the view is captivatingly gorgeous, Renjun still has to swallow back a few yawns. He doesn’t want the night to end, though, even when he and Jeno fall into a comfortable sort of silence. Renjun watches the sparse clouds by the horizon drift. He could stay forever like this, in this little private pocket of the universe.

This whole time, Jeno hasn’t let go of his hand.

Renjun has nearly nodded off onto Jeno’s shoulder when he feels the boy tense up next to him. Jeno swallows a few times as if he’s working up the courage for something. One foot taps restlessly against the rock, sending a smattering of loose pebbles down the side of the cliff.

“You okay?” Renjun ventures. The amount of nervous energy radiating from the boy could knock Renjun down the side of the cliff.

“I don’t know how to say this exactly, but I, um, wanted you to know. I’m really grateful you found me, Renjun. I’m glad to be part of the show. Minseok’s burned-out character struck a little too close to home for me, and it’s just...nice, to explore these feelings in a creative, constructive way.” Jeno bites his lip, and Renjun can tell there’s more words lingering on the back of his tongue, hesitant to scrape the frigid night air. His fingers tighten around Jeno’s in a silent show of support, that Renjun is here whenever he’s ready to continue.

“I never really knew what I wanted to do with my life. When I graduated high school, it felt like I had severed the rope keeping me safely docked, and with no wind in my sails I was just left to drift on this wide open sea. I ended up in a dead end job all the way across the country, and I was so, so miserable.” Jeno’s voice thickens, and he tilts his chin up to stare at the spot where the clear sky of the forest meets the smog smudged space hanging above the city. Renjun follows his gaze, never letting go of his hand.

“I felt like I was losing myself. I had no energy to make life feel worth living, so...it didn’t. I couldn’t cook myself a decent meal or call home or go on dates or anything. Every day was the same, and I knew I couldn’t live like that anymore. One way or another.”

Worry rises in the back of Renjun’s throat, and he unconsciously squeezes Jeno’s hand harder than intended. “Jeno…”

Jeno finally meets Renjun’s gaze, countering his concern with the sweet eye smile Renjun has grown to love. “Don’t worry about me, Jun, I’m fine now. I quit my job and hopped on the first flight home. I was hoping to rest and find myself again before venturing out for a fresh start in the world. I love my family, but...I knew they wouldn’t understand what I was going through. I told them I was in a long distance relationship with a boy who had recently moved close to here, and that I uprooted my life because I couldn’t stand the separation any longer.”

“There’s no shame in what you went through,” Renjun pipes up once Jeno quiets down, “You certainly aren’t the first to feel lost in life, and you won’t be the last. In fact, I helped to conceptualize and write the show. I poured a lot of my own frustrations with the traditional life my family expected of me into Minseok’s character. I never lived the routine he struggles to break free from, but I knew what was waiting for me if I tried to shed my dreams of pursuing a career as flimsy, yet immensely freeing as this one. I mean, it’s literally like running away to join the circus, just on ice. The story is cathartic for me, too. You aren’t alone.”

“Thanks, Jun,” Jeno smiles warmly at him, and something in Renjun’s chest sings. “And I know this whole fake-dating thing is kind of a lot to ask of you, but I’m really grateful you’re helping me out.”

Dating Jeno, even if just for show, feels like an honor in itself. Renjun swallows back an embarrassingly honest response. “Who were you going to ask to be your date if I didn’t find you?”

Jeno sighs. “I don’t know, I’d probably have begged on the street for someone?”

It’s clearly a joke, but there’s nothing funny about the fondness in his eyes as he peers at Renjun. “But I’m glad it was you.”

The weather had gotten colder as nightfall sunk into the city. That must be how Renjun ended up sitting so close to Jeno, close enough to rest his head on his shoulder. Jeno stretches his neck out of the way, almost like an invitation, and after a moment’s hesitation, Renjun accepts the offer.

“I’m glad it was me, too.”

❅

A few nights later, they end group practice a little early. Everyone’s homework is to go home and practice the makeup they’ll be doing for the upcoming dress rehearsals.

Renjun groans, popping his joints as he stretches his arms to the sky. His whole body hurts, but with that delicious type of ache that signals a productive day behind him and a restful night ahead. It means opening night is coming closer, and it also means the little fantasy life he’s been living will soon meet its expiration date.

Jeno’s words still swirl in the crevices of Renjun’s brain. Every time he tries to shake them off, they bury deeper and deeper. They’ll reach his heart soon enough, and then Renjun really doesn’t know what he’ll do.

I’m glad it was you.

Life is so cruel sometimes. Renjun scuffs his foot along the ground as he trudges home. He has a tendency to see things that aren’t there and blow situations out of proportion. Jeno probably doesn’t even realize the effect he’s having on Renjun. How embarrassing, for Renjun to get attached when they’re both just keeping up their end of the deal.

Nothing more, nothing less.

Reaching for his phone, it suddenly registers how stiff his fingers feel. It’s almost painful to pull his device out of his pocket, and Renjun winces as he brings his hands up to his mouth to warm them up. With a start, he realizes he must’ve left his gloves back at the rink.

He pats around his coat and even digs around in his bag, to no avail. Cursing, Renjun swiftly turns on his heel and starts back the way he came. There’s still quite a ways back to where he’s staying, and he’d rather not arrive home with frostbitten fingers.

He’s lucky he has the keys to the rink on him at all times. It’s only when he stops in front of the main door to root around in his pocket for them that he hears it.

There’s a faint thrum of muffled music coming from inside the building. Frowning, Renjun places the keys back in his pocket and tries the handle. The door is open.

He slips inside the lobby soundlessly, and the music only grows louder. It takes a second for the tune to settle in Renjun’s brain, but his jaw drops open the second he recognizes it.

Uprising. It’s Jeno’s solo song, the number littered with elaborately choreographed fight scenes and topped off with a dramatic reunion with Renjun’s character at the end.

Gloves forgotten, Renjun inches closer to the main door to the rink. The lobby is dark, so it’s not hard to assess the situation through the window in the door.

Skates scrape against the ice in a familiar pattern. Twizzle, duck down, spiral, left hook.

Renjun holds his breath as he peers through the window. The music cuts out suddenly, accompanied by winded breathing and a familiar voice.

“Cut the spiral a little earlier next time. With your current pacing, Ningning is going to end up socking you in the face! And don’t forget that Hendery is on your left at this point, so watch out for him when you exit.”

Donghyuck’s voice echoes through the rink. Wiping the sweat off his face, right there in the center of the ice, is Jeno.

Donghyuck is sitting in the penalty box, watching with a critical eye as Jeno drills various parts of the show. The benched skater knows Jihun’s character inside out, backwards, and upside down, more intimate with the part than even Renjun himself. He’s able to point out common places he struggled with when training, and offers Jeno a unique perspective even from his position on the sidelines.

Jeno takes it all in stride, eagerly repeating the choreography as many times as he needs to get it down correctly. He pauses after moves he feels unsure about, checking with Donghyuck on how he could improve. His artistry has grown immeasurably since he had started training with Renjun.

It certainly doesn’t seem like this is Jeno’s first time staying late at the rink. Renjun wonders how many nights Jeno has spent on the ice long after everyone else has gone home, if he picked up the habit even before meeting Donghyuck at group practices.

When Renjun steps back from the door, he realizes he’s smiling widely.

Jeno may feel lost, but he looks right at home amongst the swirling lines painted into the ice, his silhouette framed by the set pieces and lit aglow by the fluorescent scoreboard.

Pride washes over Renjun. Jeno has worked even harder than Renjun gave him credit for, and it truly shows.

“You have so much worth,” Renjun murmurs. “I wish you could see yourself the way I do.”

Renjun heads home with his hands in his pockets. His gloves can wait until tomorrow.

❅

Renjun is panicking.

“I can’t find my foundation!” he whimpers, hands gripping at the roots of his hair. He frantically paws through the bottles on the counter, but comes up empty handed. “Fuck, fuck!”

Renjun is seconds away from tearing up the back room floorboard by floorboard. Opening night stress manifests in everyone in different ways. For Renjun, it’s loud.

A cool ceramic bottle is pressed into Renjun’s open hand. Renjun picks up his head in surprise, but Donghyuck just shoots him a knowing look.

Renjun runs an embarrassed hand through his hair. “...Where?”

“Second drawer. Like it always is.” Donghyuck squeezes his shoulder in empathy. Even though he can’t perform, he’s been attending as many practices as possible, and Renjun couldn’t be more grateful for his support. None of them are strangers to first night nerves.

“Ugh, I could kiss you right now. Thanks, Hyuck!” Renjun settles down in front of the mirror to cake on his makeup again.

Donghyuck wrinkles his nose. “No, thank you. There’s a reason we always fake that ending kiss.”

Renjun snorts. Donghyuck crutches himself over to bother Johnny while Renjun focuses on getting his eyeliner steady. When he’s done with his Act 1 makeup, he steps back to assess the various states of disarray the team is in.

Jaemin has his tongue poking out of the corner of his mouth as he delicately applies rhinestones to the inner corners of Jisung’s eyes. Mark and Yuta are adjusting the office worker costumes they’re wearing for the first act. Various other cast members nimbly dodge elbows and duck into small gaps in the crowded room as they all transform themselves into their characters.

Somehow, even in all the pandemonium, Renjun’s eyes find Jeno with ease.

Jeno looks quite natural among the cast these days, but there’s a certain first-time nervous energy pouring off him in waves that sets him apart right now. Renjun wades through the crowd.

He crouches next to where Jeno is sitting, knees drawn into his chest as he concentrates on getting his makeup right. The boy is so far in the zone that it takes a few seconds for Renjun’s presence to register. When he does notice, though, his eyes grow round and a smile breaks out on his face. “Renjun! How are you feeling?”

“Do I look that bad, not-boyfriend?” Renjun jokes, playfully pushing at Jeno’s shoulder.

“Never. You always look amazing.”

It sounds a little too genuine. Jeno’s smile doesn’t fade, but he doesn’t laugh, either. Renjun swallows hard.

“A-Anyway, I should be asking you that. How are you feeling? I know you’re going to do great. Just remember, I’ll adjust to whatever you need out there. Promise.” Renjun doesn’t know when his hand had started rubbing slow circles into Jeno’s back. It’s worth it, though, because Renjun hadn’t truly seen how well Jeno was concealing his anxiety until it all came trickling out of his shoulders.

Jeno turns to face him, the sloped tip of his lipstick lingering on his flushed bottom lip. Renjun tries his best not to stare. He really does.

“I trust you,” Jeno says simply.

And that’s enough.

Renjun heads off to touch base with the lighting and sound crews. Earlier in the afternoon, he had run safety checks for the props, set pieces, and the aerial silks rigged up in the rafters of the rink. He takes the opportunity to peek around the thick curtain blocking off the back part of the rink, watching the audience slowly fill. The sight of occupied seats fills him with a heady sort of adrenaline, liquid fire burning in his veins.

After ensuring that all parts of the show are running smoothly so far, Renjun wrangles up the rest of the Permafrost crew for a quick pre-show meeting.

It’s a little overwhelming to see so many faces staring back at him, expectant. Sometimes Renjun forgets just how many people are depending on him until they’ve all got their skates laced up and their cheeks bright red with stage makeup blush.

This is real.

“You all know I’m not the, uh, best with pep talks,” Renjun bites down on his lower lip, and the cast giggles. At least morale seems to be high. The feeling of pressure from high expectations and the fear of failure mixed with the thrill from getting to do something they love and show off the fruits of their labor is a weird one, but none of them would have it any other way. “I’m proud of you all. I really am. We’ve worked hard, so let’s show them what we’ve got and make this show the best it can be!”

Everyone cheers, which quickly devolves into feral-sounding whoops and shrieks as they flood out of the backstage area. Renjun can’t put his face in his hands in fear of smudging his makeup, but he wants to. There’s no way the chaos isn’t audible to the audience.

Jeno is one of the last to filter out. He pauses for just a moment, one hand falling to Renjun’s forearm. The touch is electric.

“I’m proud of you, too. Good luck!”

The words brush across Renjun’s skin and sink in deep, traveling through his bloodstream and curling around his heart. And then Jeno is gone.

Renjun takes an extra second to compose himself in the now empty room. He sucks in a deep breath before squaring his shoulders and marching out to take his beginning position.

The spark from where Jeno had touched him spreads throughout his entire body. As he sits behind his desk prop, waiting for the spotlight to turn on and the music to kick in, Renjun feels electric.

The audience is hushed. The ice twinkles in the dim light. Renjun’s heart pounds against his ribcage. Utter silence coats the rink. Renjun’s gaze slides the slightest bit to the left, where he finds Jeno already looking his way. Jeno offers a tiny nod.

Renjun returns it, and then the entire arena comes alive.

The music starts with a bold burst of energy and personality. Cast members pop up from behind their desks, melting easily into the beginning choreography. They all perform the same rhythmic movements for a while, passing papers down the line of desks in elaborate pieces of gesture-based dance.

Right on cue, Renjun starts to fall behind the other performers, setting himself apart from the monotonous crowd to establish himself as the main lead. A look of frustration twists his features as he settles into the life of disillusioned office worker Minseok. It feels like slipping into a second skin, and Minseok welcomes him home with open arms.

Renjun leaps onto the desk with arms flung wide, releasing a roar of frustration. The music cuts out. The audience holds their breath. The other actors level him with judgemental stares. The lights of the rink are blinding as the narrow to shine on him, highlighting his anguish as he slowly puts his head into his hands.

Renjun lives for this.

He kicks off the desk, comfortable in the knowledge that the legs are sneakily being held steady by his nearby co-stars. After executing an impressive jump off the prop to get the audiences excited for the upcoming show, Renjun loses himself in the performance.

The energy thrumming through the rink is unimaginable. There’s nothing quite like performing in front of an audience, and yet it’s so easy for all those eyes to fade into the background. It’s just Renjun and the sweat dripping down his back, his blades sweeping and striking and kissing the ice. He weaves through the other actors, just mindful enough of his surroundings to perform their choreography correctly without letting himself get too caught up in the logistics of it all.

He’s spent the entire month thinking and agonizing over every last detail. Now it’s time to trust that all of that work will pay off and just let himself move.

Before he knows it, he’s taking Minseok through his angst-ridden solo song, arms pulled in close to his heart as he flees the stifling office. While he captivates the audience with his skating, the lighting and crew teams disguise the props shifting to change the scene.

Suddenly Renjun is darting through trees, a dense forest floor being projected onto the ice beneath him. He skates out over what the special effects team has rigged to be an enticing frozen pond, hints of purples and blues shimmering over the surface. He stomps once, still lost in Minseok’s breakdown, and the pond below appears to shatter. A loud cracking sound accompanies the visual of ice splintering under his skates. The audience gasps as Renjun’s figure crumples to the ground, the lights cutting out to leave the rink steeped in an ominous darkness.

Intermission.

Renjun is hurried off the ice with little time to spare. He’s got a dramatic costume and makeup change ahead of him, but the cramped back space shouldn’t be much of an issue. Most of the crew don’t need to change as there is little overlap between the office workers and the fantastical creatures under the ice.

In fact, it’s just Renjun and…

“Hi,” Jeno breathes, half-leaning against the counter with a compact of blue face paint in hand. “Fancy seeing you here, not-boyfriend.”

“Likewise,” Renjun manages a tiny smile. Even though his brain seems to be frozen in a large hunk of zamboni-groomed ice, muscle memory luckily kicks in and directs his body over to the mirror.

He starts to dust blue powder over the slopes of his cheeks to give himself a magical, frostbitten look. After dabbing some blue lipstick on the inner parts of his lips, he digs out the liquid latex adhesive to attach rhinestones and snowflakes to the outer edges of his face.

Renjun only has a few more minutes before he needs to get hooked up to the aerial silks. The rush makes it easier for him to focus, even when Jeno is pressed close to his side, reaching across him for the makeup.

Faint traces of blue line Renjun’s eyes. White mascara coats his eyelashes, making him hauntingly lovely. He takes a quick step back from the mirror, turning his face to and fro in the harsh lights and watching the accessories on his face twinkle. After a pause, he swipes some body glitter down his neck to further the illusion that he’s fallen into some mystical frozen world.

“You were amazing out there.”

The rhinestone in Renjun’s hand clatters to the floor. Jeno has his gaze firmly trained on the mirror as he dots blue paint above his eyebrow, but there’s a warm smile on his face. “I mean it. You looked...stunning. Ethereal. Graceful. Like you were born for this.”

Renjun drops his gaze to find the rhinestone. He scowls when he tries to reapply it to his face. His heart is thudding so hard in his chest he’s afraid it might escape its shackles and spill his secrets to Jeno’s waiting ear. “Cut it out, you’re going to make me nervous before the second half.”

From the corner of his eye, Renjun can just glimpse a movement reflected in the mirror. His head snaps to the side, only to be met with Jeno’s broad chest far closer to him than he was a heartbeat ago. Jeno is staring down at him with an oddly mesmerized look in his eyes, softened by the gentle smile playing on his lips.

“Oh? Do I make you nervous?”

Renjun chokes, which quickly devolves into a coughing fit. Jeno’s expression melts into one of worry, wide eyes sparkling as he bites his lip. Renjun has half a mind to shove him right in that goddamn built chest, but he’s preoccupied by the way he’s turning bright red underneath the frosty white and blue makeup.

Jeno raises a hand as if to pat Renjun’s back. The moment Jeno’s rough hand touches the open back of Renjun’s sparkly uniform, all systems shut down, including his lungs. And brain, apparently, because Renjun only stumbles further into Jenos hold.

They both freeze. Jeno, who had looked so confident just a few teasing words ago, gulps audibly. A beam of light from the mirror beside them cuts across Jeno’s face, casting his features in a magical glow.

There’s a twinkle that snags on Renjun’s attention, and he’s lifting a hand to Jeno’s face before he realizes it. Careful not to smudge anything, he lays a gentle palm to Jeno’s cheek, thumbing gingerly over the rhinestones scattered across the expanse of his sharp features. He pretends not to notice how Jeno’s breath hitches and his eyes flutter half-closed.

Renjun’s entire body feels like lead. His feet are rooted to the floor, a dizziness clouding his limbs, and yet it occurs to him that he wouldn’t want to move out of Jeno’s grip even if he could.

There’s an opportunity here. It’s just Renjun, Jeno, and...the increasing pressure of a half-finished show to attend to.

“You used the wrong adhesive,” Renjun breathes, pressing a wayward rhinestone back into place.

The breath rushes out of Jeno’s body. Disappointment tugs at Renjun’s lower lip, but he knows they can’t get distracted here. When he moves to pull away, Jeno’s free hand flies up to cup his own.

Renjun stares, but Jeno’s eyes have already slipped shut into a sort of bliss. He nuzzles into Renjun’s hand. “Care to fix it for me?”

They’re running out of time. Renjun’s throat drains dry, unable to tear his eyes from Jeno’s face as he reaches blindly for the tube of adhesive. His fingers shake when he squeezes out a dollop of the glue onto a brush, but his touch is as steady as ever when he begins gently tapping the decorations into Jeno’s tacky skin.

Jeno sits perfectly still, placing his full trust in Renjun’s skills. Gripping Jeno’s chin, Renjun tenderly turns the boy’s head as needed. Jeno relaxes into the hold.

It doesn’t take too long to fix up Jeno’s makeup, especially not when Renjun has so many years of experience in this field. And yet, he still finds himself wanting to extend the moment, to steal a few heartbeats for himself and stuff them into a pocket in his brain so he’ll never forget how Jeno’s lower lip feels under his traveling thumb.

Renjun doesn’t want to let go. Even when he steps back, of course to check his work as any respected professional would do, he leaves his fingertips resting underneath Jeno’s jaw.

Jeno has always been gorgeous. But like this, long eyelashes brushing his cheeks, chiseled features highlighted with glitter and further carved by deep swirls of paint, dark hair carefully styled away from his forehead, it’s all just...overwhelming.

Irresistible.

Puzzled by the lack of movement, Jeno’s eyes begin to blink open. Renjun’s heart stutters at the fondness he sees reflected back at him, and he steps away before he loses control and does something they’d both regret.

“All done,” Renjun croaks. He sets the adhesive down on the counter probably harder than necessary. His tongue darts out to wet his lips nervously, and he has to swallow a few times before steeling himself in the mirror.

It’s only then that he can bear to look back at Jeno, who is admiring Renjun’s handiwork in a small hand mirror. “Thanks for helping, Jun! How do I look?”

Renjun busies himself by pointlessly stacking and unstacking makeup palettes. “Well, I can certainly see why Minseok falls in love with you. Who wouldn’t?”

It’s meant to be a joke. He just doesn’t deliver it well, that’s all. He didn’t intend to make Jeno’s eyebrows raise like that, jaw dropping.

It just...slipped out.

“Will you look at that!” Renjun fakes a laugh, gesturing to the nonexistent watch on his wrist before Jeno gets a chance to open his mouth. “It’s showtime, a-and stuff! See you out there, not-boyfriend. Remember to use your left toe pick for your third jump in the second number. Bye!”

Renjun nearly knocks over half of the makeup on the table as he bolts from the room. When he hears Jeno’s faint laughter through the freshly slammed door, he groans. Sparing himself only half a second to marinate in his humiliation, he straightens up and marches himself towards the stairs.

The show must go on.

Minjeong takes one look at Renjun’s ruffled appearance and sighs. She catches him before he can sprint up to the catwalk, straightening out his costume. “Let’s leave the boy drama to Minseok, okay? We need Renjun to have his head in the game. Show. Whatever.”

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Renjun smiles innocently. The grin falls from his face as Minjeong shoves him up the stairs. “Okay, okay, I hear you!”

Not long after, Renjun is delicately wrapped in the silk ribbons and ready to make his glorious descent down into the fantastical world under the ice.

The waiting audience below him is hushed, unaware of what is transpiring above their heads. Renjun tips his head back and closes his eyes after flashing a quick thumbs up to the safety operators.

Showtime.

Soft piano notes trickle into the arena like gentle water droplets. Renjun clutches tightly to the navy blue silk threading around his limbs, slowing his breathing until his chest barely moves. As a shimmer of strings color the music filling the air, Renjun begins to guide Minseok through his descent under the ice.

There’s a single blue-washed spotlight highlighting his delicate form. All eyes are glued to Renjun as he’s suspended in the air amongst glimmering snowflakes and the sound of rushing water.

Even with his eyes closed, Renjun can feel the moment the light catches his pale blue lips and the snowflakes pressed into his cheeks. It’s such a sharp change from the fiery office worker who the audience saw breaking down not long ago.

Imperceptibly, Renjun shifts as he approaches the ice. When he is softly laid to the ground, the ribbons melt away from his body and retreat back to the ceiling.

He lays limp in the center of the rink for the next song, wherein devilish creatures from under the ice circle him like vultures, cackling at the fresh blood. Renjun doesn’t dare open his eyes even as he feels the rush of skates flying past him grow closer and closer, high pitched voices mixing in a haunting chant.

“Begone, beasts!” A strong voice booms, sending shivers down Renjun’s spine. The bloodthirsty creatures shriek at the intrusion, skating off in disappointment. Renjun has to suppress a smile at a particularly chilling howl一how does Jaemin manage to sound so feral?

“Are you alright? You don’t look like you belong here.”

Gentle hands brush Renjun’s damp hair away from his forehead. This is his cue to slowly awaken. When his eyes crack open, his breath stutters.

No amount of training could prepare him for the sight of this Jeno looming over him. The frosty blue makeup swept across his cheekbones makes him look unreal. There are a few fake earrings glittering in his ears, and prosthetics shape his ears into dainty points at the tips.

At least the rhinestones are staying on well.

Renjun almost forgets his next line with the way Jeno’s eyes are traveling across his body. It’s dizzying, even when none of it is real.

They aren’t far away from their first duet song. Jeno holds a hand to Renjun after offering to show him around the world he’d stumbled into. Renjun takes it after a moment of hesitation, and then they’re off.

Pair spin, release. Toe loop, duck down, arms out, twist. Hide behind the big icicle prop and giggle. Dance closer, then drift away.

They both loosen up as they lose themselves to the performance. It’s almost too easy for the world beyond the two of them to fade away completely. It’s just like any other practice, just without the suggestive comments Donghyuck throws to them from the sidelines. At least, if he’s hollering at them now, they’re too far gone to hear it.

Jeno brings his arms in tight to enter a graceful spin. Renjun watches with a look of admiration that isn’t as artificial as it should be. When Jeno ends with a flourish, arms held out, it’s a clear invitation to follow.

Renjun mimics the move to the delight of the audience, feigning surprise at himself for being able to have such fun. Jeno continues to lead him on this path of exploration and self expression.

There are a few parts in the choreography that are still a little rough to a professional skater’s eye. Though Jeno has learned remarkably fast, there’s a way to carry oneself that only time and experience can develop. He’s a little shaky on some landings, but the boldness and brilliance with which he plays his character overshadows any missteps in his technical performance.

Until he falls.

Jeno’s skate hits a groove in the ice right as he builds up high momentum to twist into a jump. It frightens him, and he wavers kicking off from the ice. A little disoriented, it’s not hard for the looseness of his limbs to trip him up and cut his rotations short. Not expecting to land so soon, Jeno’s unprepared leg buckles underneath him, sending him to the ground.

It’s not a hard fall. Renjun’s body freezes when he sees Jeno go down, but the boy is up again before Renjun can call off the show and rush to his side. He doesn’t appear to be injured, but there’s a paralyzing fear in his glossy eyes as he frantically snaps his head in Renjun’s direction, breathing heavy.

I’m afraid I’m going to ruin your show, Jun.

The audience grows quiet, unsure if this was supposed to happen. Jeno looks like he wants the ice to crack under him and swallow him whole. Renjun can practically see the dark clouds swirling above his head, sending him spiraling into self-depreciation.

But the upbeat music is still going, Jeno is still standing, and Renjun made a promise he intends to uphold.

A tiny smile quirks at Renjun’s mouth. He backs up a few paces before throwing himself forward into a vigorous build-up.

This won’t be pretty by a long shot, but it’ll be worth it.

He deliberately flubs the kickoff, mangling his rotations and prematurely sending himself back down onto a similarly unsteady leg. Letting out a comical shriek, Renjun crumples to the ice, grinning.

The audience giggles with the break in tension, assuming the blunder to be a charming part of the two characters bonding.

Jeno catches on as well, laughing as he pulls Renjun up with one hand. There’s a hint of concern for Renjun’s well-being in the smile he only knows is strained because he’s seen Jeno’s genuine one too many times to count. Above all, though, Jeno looks grateful.

“I trust you,” Renjun breathes, soft enough to avoid being picked up by their microphones. “I told you I’d follow your lead.”

Jeno raises their still linked hands to the audience, making his intentions clear before lifting Renjun’s hand to his mouth. Renjun doesn’t remember writing a hand kiss into this scene, but as Jeno’s soft lips leave the back of his skin, he finds he can’t really remember anything at all.

“And I will follow yours.”

Brushing the scraped up snow from each other’s shoulders isn’t in the script, either. But a little improv一and traveling hands一never hurt anyone, right?

As their characters jump and play and flirt through the scenes, Renjun wonders if Minseok and Jihun are the only ones falling in love.

Or perhaps Jeno is a better actor than Renjun could have ever imagined.

Renjun is breathing hard by the end of it. His head rests in the crook of Jeno’s neck, pulled close as they glide across the rink. Jeno’s thumbs rub soothing circles where he’s braced against Renjun’s waist. When he heaves him up for their final throw jump, Renjun is caught right on cue by a different pair of arms.

Renjun’s character is wrestled away from Jeno, stolen by the beasts who had cornered him earlier. As he hides away behind one of the set pieces and watches Jeno work through his intricately choreographed fight scene, he finds his heart lodged up in his throat.

“Be careful, be careful,” he mumbles under his breath, wincing every time Jeno narrowly dodges a well-trained attack. He trusts Jeno, he does.

He just never wants to see him lose confidence in himself like that again.

Jeno glows. Renjun can’t help but get utterly entranced in his performance, the strength with which he conducts himself. He’s almost disappointed when Jeno’s character rescues him away from his prison, because he can no longer openly indulge in Jeno’s addicting aura under the gaze of the audience.

Renjun is so invested in the show that a strange feeling of shock bubbles up in the pit of his stomach as he senses it growing to a close. He doesn’t want it to end一doesn’t want Jeno’s loving gaze to fade away, doesn’t want to lose whatever they’ve cultivated out here on the ice, even if it’s all just for show.

Renjun wants to be selfish and hang onto this moment, him and Jeno wrapped up in the beautiful art they’ve created together, forever.

“Please, you have to go! It’s not safe down here, Minseok. You aren’t meant to last so long under the ice.”

The lights are dim around them, the set chillingly quiet. Jeno’s voice is thick with emotion as he begs. The sound of billowing fabric disturbs the tense silence, the dark tendrils of the silks from earlier once again unfurling around them.

Renjun can only cry out in protest as Jeno begins securing the ribbons around him. “I don’t want to go! I don’t want to leave, Jihun, I don’t want to go back to that life! C-Can’t I just stay here?”

“You aren’t suited for this life. You can be happy up there, I know you can.” Jeno frowns, fingertips skimming regretfully down the expanse of Renjun’s arm.

“Not without you,” Renjun croaks. It’s the first time his character is admitting the real reason tying him to the hostile frozen realm. The words feel sticky on his tongue. “Jihun, I can’t lose you. Can’t you come with me? I could survive anything with you by my side, even my numb life above the surface.”

Sorrow shines in Jeno’s eyes. He wraps the final silk around Renjun, careful to give it an extra tug to make sure his weight is properly supported. “Minseok...don’t lose sight of the beautiful things in life, okay?”

The ribbons pull taut. Slowly, Renjun is being stolen away into the air. Jeno’s hand falls into his. “Please, join me. This doesn’t have to be the end. We can explore the world together.”

“That sounds lovely.” Jeno’s grip slackens as Renjun is pulled out of reach, and Renjun instantly misses his warmth. “I’m so grateful to have met you. Won’t you find me again? I’m already by your side...just close your eyes, and open them on the other side.”

Choked up, Renjun can only manage a tiny nod as he lets Jeno slip away. Cheeks wet with stage tears, he allows his eyes to slip closed, head tilted back. He’s at the perfect angle for their final move.

Hovering above the ice, ensnarled in the ribbons, Jihun is supposed to leave Minseok with a final gift to remember him by. Renjun is expecting to taste the base of Jeno’s thumb against his mouth as he fakes the ending kiss.

The steps are all there; it should be easy. The aerial silks lifting him pause. Jeno’s hand cups Renjun’s cheek. The audience holds their breath. His thumb is perfectly positioned on Renjun’s skin. He’s so close that Renjun can feel warm breath ghost against his skin. There’s no way this can go wrong.

So, how is it possible that Renjun finds himself with a soft pair of lips pressed to his own?

The kiss lasts for a heartbeat, maybe half. It’s nothing more than a gentle brush, a quick hello, a bittersweet goodbye. It’s so fleeting Renjun thinks he may have dreamed it entirely, if it weren’t for the ghostly impression of Jeno’s lips forever lingering on his skin. It’s a phantom feeling he doesn’t think he’ll ever shake off一and he doesn’t want to.

Renjun tries to keep the surprise from coloring his face and ruining their final moment. He has to keep his eyes closed, though he wants nothing more than to witness the look on Jeno’s face, to grab him by the collar and shake him and yell did you mean it because I wish you did.

Instead, he has to leave it all behind. The silks raise him far up in the air, and Renjun knows Jeno has already left the ice for a quick costume change under the protection of the dark lighting.

Trapped near the ceiling of the rink, unable to differentiate the boundaries between character and actor, real and fake, Renjun is forced to box away his utter shock for the sake of the show.

Jeno probably just missed. Or something. It was his first performance. Mistakes happen to everyone.

Renjun’s hand is curled over his heart. He can feel it beating hard, shaken up. And yet, all it wants is to rewind time, to grab Jeno’s wrist and keep him there for a little longer. Renjun squashes the thought, but he can’t stop his stupid pulse from fluttering.

Mistakes happen to everyone.

Renjun is slowly lowered back to the ice. It feels like he’d left his brain back there in the rafters, because he’s still caught in a dizzy fog of soft lips and fleeting touches when the lights come back on.

As promised, office worker Jihun is there to give Minseok a hand up when he opens his eyes on the other side.

The audience loves it. Jeno and Renjun bow to thunderous applause, soaking in the praise and cheers and whistles. The rest of the cast soon flood to the ice to share in the ending festivities, profusely thanking each other, the set designers and production crew, and the crowd.

It’s amazing. Jeno’s arm is lingering around Renjun’s waist and Renjun is desperately avoiding Jaemin’s narrowed eyes, but whatever. Renjun doesn’t want to think about all the confusion and what-ifs and blurred lines right now. He just wants to revel in the glory of a job well done, so goddamn it he’s going to enjoy this for as long as he can.

The back room is filled with high energy chatter. Cast members hug and hi-five and smear funny shapes into each other’s caked on makeup. The atmosphere is bright, everyone on a post-show high that will last for hours.

Renjun groans with euphoria as he finally pulls his skates off his feet, massaging his ankles to get the blood flowing again. He definitely feels the afterglow from the performance, but beyond that he just feels tired. Tired body, tired mind, tired heart. He doesn’t want to think anymore.

A familiar pair of shoes appears in Renjun’s vision. He pretends not to notice for a split second just to recollect himself, but he can’t run away forever.

Jeno is standing before him, wringing his hands nervously. He’s wiped most of his makeup off, but there’s a stray streak of blue by his ear and a few flakes of stubborn adhesive still stuck to his cheek. His hair is matted with sweat and he looks exhausted, but there’s a tiny smile on his face.

It’s endearing. Goddamnit.

“Congrats on opening night, Jun! You were breathtaking, I’m...it’s an honor. Thank you again, for letting me be part of this.”

Jeno is fidgeting. Renjun doesn’t have the heart to keep him at arms length any longer, all of the professionalism drained from his chest. He stands up on worn out legs and fumbles his way into Jeno’s chest, wrapping his arms around him. After a few brief pats to Jeno’s back, he pulls away.

“I’m proud of you, Jeno. That was a great first show! You were a natural out there. I knew you’d be.”

Jeno glows at the praise, but Renjun doesn’t stick around for too long. If he does, he’ll truly get addicted to the adorable curve of Jeno’s pleased eyes.

God.

He fiddles with the makeup on the counter, bustling about the room to collect his things. Jeno stands quietly and watches him pack up, his own bag already slung over his shoulder.

Jeno trails after him as he checks in with the cleaning crew and closes out the rink for the night. They chat about the show and about how good it felt to perform, finally getting to display the results of their hard work. The conversation flows easily, so calm that the prior events of the night have nearly washed away from the front of Renjun’s tumultuous mind.

Before they part ways at Renjun’s door, Jeno lingers. He’s got his hands shoved deep into his pockets, nibbling on the bottom lip in a way that’s hard for Renjun to tear his eyes away from.

“I hope I didn’t mess anything up, Jun.”

Distracted, Renjun roots around in his bag for his key. His breath fogs in front of him, his calves are aching, and he just wants to collapse into bed.

“What, the fall? No, I told you I’d follow your lead, and I meant what I said. It all turned out fine. I think the audience even thought it was charming.” Renjun finally succeeds in getting his key into his frozen lock, turning it with a sigh of relief.

“I-I meant一”

“Hey, you’re picking me up at six on Sunday for the reunion, right?” Renjun loops his arms around Jeno’s shoulders in a quick farewell hug.

The smile on Jeno’s face is a little dampened at the corner after he seemingly swallows the lump in his throat.

“Yeah. Of course. See you then, not-boyfriend.”

The normally playful words sit a little heavy all coiled up in Renjun’s stomach.

He’s used to feeling untouchable after a show. Of course, he’s still elated with how well the night went, but there’s a shiver of regret underscoring it all, a missed opportunity slipping through the spaces between his fingertips like grains of sand he just can’t catch.

Mistakes happen to everyone.

❅

“I told you, he probably just missed!” Renjun throws his hands up in frustration as he storms around his room. “I don’t care how deep in a crisis I am, I’m literally never confiding in you again. I could be uh, uh一” he waves a hand, “fuckin’ drowning in a puddle, or something, and still not ask you to come flip me over.”

“My, my, so dramatic! And oblivious! Did I really raise him to be this way?” Jaemin snickers to Donghyuck.

“Where does he come up with these things?” Donghyuck agrees, one hand cupped over his mouth conspiratorially.

Renjun lets out a sound that’s caught between the screech of an injured owl and the oh-so-menacing cry of a baby lion. It’s not his finest moment. “Can you please just help me pick out an outfit before I toss Jaemin out the window and Donghyuck down the stairs?”

“Hey! You can’t touch me, I’m already vulnerable and injured.” Donghyuck gasps with fake hurt.

“I know. That’s why you’re the one going down the stairwell. You have the better chance of survival, trust me.”

“All this over a glorified brush of the lips, my goodness!” Jaemin slouches further against the couch, crunching on an apple he definitely stole from Renjun’s counter. Renjun can’t remember if the fruit is fake or not, and he doesn’t really want to investigate. Jaemin is too far gone at this point anyways. “And wear the black jeans you wore to last year’s cast Christmas party. The pair that makes your ass pop.”

Donghyuck snaps his fingers. “Oh! Also, you look super hot in that emerald green v-neck. That’s a must.”

“With the star necklace? The one that draws attention to his collarbones?”

“Fuck yeah with the star necklace that draws attention to his collarbones!” Donghyuck hi-fives Jaemin with glee. “Might be a little bold for a family reunion, but better to make a strong first impression than no impression at all! What are Jeno’s family’s thoughts on ear piercings?”

“I’m literally doomed,” Renjun buries his head in his hands.

He ends up taking his friends’ advice, though. No matter how many narrowly-dodged arrests and near heart attacks Donghyuck and Jaemin in particular have given him over the years, they can still rub their remaining brain cells together and have a coherent thought every once in a while.

Begrudgingly, Renjun has to admit that they’ve done a hell of a job fixing him up. He’s buttoned up the plunging neckline of his shirt into something a little more tasteful, but Donghyuck has helped artfully sweep his long hair over one eye, and Jaemin’s addition of just a hint of color to the center of his lips really pulls it all together.

He tells himself the reason why he’s putting so much effort into his appearance is because he doesn’t want to let Jeno down. Jeno’s end of the bargain has been undoubtedly more taxing and demanding, so it’s only fair for Renjun to make this night as flawless as can be.

As he fidgets with his necklace in the mirror, though, it’s hard to ignore the yearning in his chest at the thought of Jeno finding him attractive.

Renjun shakes his head sharply. Jaemin is right, he shouldn’t be letting a mistaken brush of the lips affect him so deeply. It’s not that serious.

If Jeno wanted to kiss him for real, Renjun is pretty sure he would’ve known by now.

Definitely.

“Good luck on your date, darling! Oh, Jaeminie I’m so proud of our boy,” Donghyuck croons from the other room.

Jaemin giggles from where he’s helping Donghyuck back onto his crutches. “Hush, you have to call it a fake date or else he gets all huffy!” Raising his voice as if Renjun wasn’t able to hear him before, he shouts, “Have fun! Don’t do anything Donghyuck or I would do! Be safe! And I mean that in both the ‘don’t get run over on your way there’ way and the, you know, the一”

“And that’s enough from you!” Renjun cuts him off with a furious blush, half-shoving Jaemin the remaining way out the door. “Thanks for your help, I think? I’ll call you two later!”

He barely has a second to lean against the door and catch his breath before his phone lights up with a text. Jeno is outside.

There’s a nonzero chance of Jaemin and Donghyuck running into Jeno on their way out, which is a fear Renjun didn’t know he had until just now.

Renjun steals a last nervous look at himself in the mirror, tucking a strand of hair behind his ear and straightening his shirt for the umpteenth time. Grabbing something from the counter, he takes a deep breath.

Showtime. Again.

He strides out of the apartment before he has a chance to back out. Jeno is waiting with his hands in his pockets, looking about as nervous as Renjun feels.

“You could’ve waited in the car,” Renjun says in greeting. Jeno’s head snaps up at the sound of Renjun’s voice, and Renjun’s heart beats just a little bit faster.

“I guess, but I wanted to, you know. To do this properly, and all,” Jeno swallows, formally offering an arm to Renjun. Rolling his eyes a bit, Renjun accepts the offer.

“Whatever, not-boyfriend-but-boyfriend-for-the-night. Just know if you open my car door or pull my chair out for me, I might bite your hands off.”

Jeno widens his eyes in mock fear. “Point taken!”

Gaze trained firmly on the ground from his nerves, it’s only when they get into the car that Renjun gets a decent look at Jeno’s appearance for the night. Busy adjusting his mirrors, Jeno has no idea the crisis Renjun is spiralling into from the way his side profile highlights his stupidly perfect nose and goddamn jawline that could cut diamonds.

Jeno looks good. Really, really good.

His dark hair is elegantly swept away from his forehead, complexion smooth save for the cute mole dotted under his eye. A black turtleneck hugs his torso in a way that should be illegal for the family-friendly gathering they’re heading to, and dear God since when has Jeno owned a leather jacket?

Renjun swallows hard when passing headlights illuminate the single silver hoop dangling from Jeno’s ear.

Guess Jeno’s family doesn’t mind ear piercings after all.

“Are those flowers?” Jeno’s eyes finally land on the small bouquet clutched in Renjun’s white-knuckled hands.

There’s something really, really hot about the way Jeno has one hand on the steering wheel and the other on the gear stick. What the fuck. What the fuck. Renjun is absolutely losing it. The fumes from the cologne Jaemin doused him in must be fucking with his head.

He wills his voice not to waver. “Thought I’d bring your mom a gift. I’d have baked something, but I don’t have all the necessary materials in my temporary apartment. Hopefully a little bribery will make her overlook any holes in our story.”

Jeno stares at him. After a few beats of silence, Renjun drops his gaze, unable to handle the intensity of Jeno’s attention.

“God, you’re perfect,” Jeno says at last. One arm snakes around Renjun’s shoulders in a quick squeeze. “Thank you, Jun! She’s going to love you. They all will.”

Renjun sinks a little lower into his seat, hoping the foundation Donghyuck packed into his skin will hide the blush rising to his cheeks. “Yeah, yeah.”

God, you’re perfect.

Maybe if Renjun clenches his abdomen hard enough, he can suffocate all the idiot fucking butterflies making a fool out of him. It’s worth a shot.

Jeno puts the radio on low as they drive. Renjun hums along occasionally when he recognizes the song. It’s a comfortable flavor of silence, low-pressure enough to siphon some of the stress out of his bloodstream.

Being around Jeno is just nice like that.

It doesn’t take too long before they’re pulling up to a quaint little house on the outskirts of the city. Jeno kills the engine, but neither of them make a move to get out of the car, to forfeit their little safe bubble, just yet.

Eventually, Jeno reaches over to place his hand on top of Renjun’s tightly clasped ones. “Don’t be nervous,” he murmurs, “I’ve got you. My family likes to talk, so if you just nod and smile you’ll be fine. I’ll adjust to whatever you need out there.”

Jeno’s touch is equal parts soothing and electrifying. Renjun hopes his voice isn’t too tight when he manages to respond, “Will you, now? That sounds familiar.”

“A little pep talk I learned from someone very admirable and wise,” Jeno grins. In a flash, he’s out of the car and making his way to Renjun’s side. Before Renjun can really process the words, Jeno is helping him out of the car, the hopefully uncrushed flowers still in hand.

When Renjun finally steps out onto the frostbitten path, Jeno seems to freeze.

They linger by the parked car. Jeno’s gaze first catches on the brilliant color of Renjun’s shirt, eventually trailing over the sharp cut of his exposed collarbones and the elegantly simple chain that rests around his neck. Renjun can feel the moment Jeno’s eyes fall to his mouth, barely resisting the impulse to self consciously nibble on his already bitten lower lip.

“You, uh,” Jeno runs a frazzled hand through his hair. “Oh. Wow, yeah. You look really. Um, really incredible. Really.”

“Really?” Renjun parrots back, unable to hold back his smile as the tension between them softens. “You have such a way with words, Romeo.”

“Hey, I’m doing my best here! And please don’t call me Romeo, I’m doing everything I can to make sure this night ends with both of us nice and alive.”

“You have such high hopes for us,” Renjun sighs dreamily, patting Jeno’s arm with a giggle.

Inclining his head towards the front door, Jeno squares his shoulders. “Shall we?”

Without saying a word, Renjun takes Jeno by the hand and drags him up to the front porch. It’s now or never.

Jeno is the one who knocks, never letting go of Renjun’s hand. The door swings open almost instantly.

“Oh, my darling!”

A pair of roughened hands squish up at Jeno’s cheeks. The boy doesn’t even bother to protest as he’s cooed over, cheeks getting pinched and hair ruffled every which way. It’s cute, actually, how Jeno just leans into the doting touch.

“Are you going to let us in, Mom, or are you going to keep me and Renjun out here in the cold?” he says with a soft smile, gently removing the hands on his face.

The woman steps back with a gasp. Eyes snapping immediately to the tiny boy hunkered by Jeno’s side, she only has to get one glimpse of their linked hands before she absolutely lights up.

“You must be Renjun!” she claps her hands in delight, surging forward to wrap Renjun up in a hug.

“Mom, don’t一”

“It’s fine, I don’t mind,” Renjun dismisses Jeno’s concern, easily returning the embrace. When Jeno’s mother pulls back, he shyly presents her with the flowers. “It’s nice to meet you! I hope you don’t mind that I brought you something.”

Mrs. Lee’s eyes curve up in familiar little moons. Her smile has Jeno written all over it, and the resemblance puts him at ease. She gratefully accepts the gift, beaming into the delicate blooms as she sniffs them. “They’ll look perfect on the dinner table. Thank you, Renjun! What a sweetheart.” Grin sharpening a little, she shifts her eyes to Jeno. Teasingly, she tugs at his earlobe. “How did my son manage such a catch, hm?”

Jeno pretends to protest, but they’re all laughing. Mrs. Lee runs off to get a vase after beckoning them inside. As Renjun toes off his shoes on the doormat, Jeno catches his wrist.

The touch shouldn’t still send electricity tingling up Renjun’s veins, not after all this time, but it does. He doesn’t know what to make of that一of any of this.

“She already likes you more than me,” Jeno giggles. “You have nothing to worry about.”

Renjun shrugs noncommittally. Without a second thought, he peels Jeno’s jacket off him and hangs it next to his own on the coat rack. It’s an oddly domestic move, yet Jeno doesn’t bat an eye.

Subtly, Renjun peeks around to see if anyone saw them, but there’s no one around. Damn. Waste of a perfect boyfriend move. “Yeah, yeah. The night is still young, and all that.”

Renjun moves two steps into the house and freezes.

On the outside, Jeno’s aunt’s house is perfectly normal. A modest yard, a beat up fence, a cute little house with shutters that complement the paint and a bird feeder mounted on the front porch.

The inside, however…Everywhere he looks, there’s a rooster.

From the dozens of figurines and statues littering cabinets and shelves, to the patterned towels hanging over the side of the counter, to the paintings on the wall and even the knob at the end of the bannister.

Roosters. Everywhere.

Jeno’s hand lands on Renjun’s shoulder. “You’re not hallucinating. My aunt really, really likes roosters. Why do you think I was buying this hideous scarf when you accosted me in the department store? I hope you didn’t think my taste was that bad.” He jostles the small gift bag on his arm to prove his point.

Renjun blushes, avoiding eye contact. Rooster boy with the questionable fashion taste. Perhaps he had judged too soon.

“I can, uh. Appreciate dedication to a theme,” Renjun says weakly. Jeno’s boisterous laugh echoes in his ears, and Renjun finds his knees only growing weaker.

Renjun might not survive this night, but it won’t be Jeno’s family that does him in. It might just be the silly lump of muscle throbbing annoyingly loud in his chest whenever Jeno introduces him as my boyfriend, Renjun.

The house is brimming with activity, bodies bustling to and from the kitchen as the finishing touches are put on their meal for the night. Renjun can’t count how many hands he shakes or polite greetings he exchanges. Jeno’s family is warm and lively, and the constant presence of the boy himself by Renjun’s shoulder keeps him calm.

The real show starts once dinner is served.

Renjun and Jeno end up seated across from his parents. Jeno spoons some food onto Renjun’s plate before serving himself. Renjun would have barely noticed the gesture, as it’s a habit Jeno has picked up from ordering their food at the various cafes they’ve been to, but Mr. Lee’s eyes sharply track the movement.

“So, Renjun.” Mrs. Lee folds her hands under her chin. “Tell us about yourself!”

Renjun swallows hard, grip tightening on his fork. He suddenly feels like he’s under a microscope. Any semblance of a lie vaporizes in the back of his mouth, his pre-prepared backstory crumbling to dust under his teeth.

Bright arena lights beat down on him, hawk-like eyes of an audience he desperately wants to please waiting for him to falter in his performance. He’s hopelessly ensnarled in silk ribbon lies, strung up and stranded in front of the one person he’d rather die than let down.

I’m afraid I’m going to ruin this for you, Jen.

Jeno’s hand comes to rest on his knee. The touch grounds him. Leaning forward, Jeno fills the empty air. “Jun is an ice skater! It’s like he floats out there on the ice. He’s unbelievably talented, you won’t believe it until you see it. You have videos, right baby?”

The term of endearment jolts Renjun back to reality. He mechanically reaches for his phone and scrolls through until he finds an old practice recording without Jeno in it.

Mentally, however, the word baby skitters around the base of his skull. He wonders why it feels so comfortable on the back of his tongue, why he wants Jeno to say it again and again until it’s all he can hear.

Weird.

Jeno’s parents watch the video with wide eyes. Feeling a little bashful and quite nervous telling the truth amidst their major lie, Renjun quickly pockets his phone again and prepares to change the subject.

“That’s amazing! How did you start something like that?” Jeno’s father prompts.

Renjun slides uncertain eyes towards Jeno, who enthusiastically nods him on.

Right. Not a performance. Renjun isn’t trying to be someone else, he’s just putting different labels on the relationship he and Jeno already have.

Finally letting himself relax a little, Renjun grins. “Well, after my second concussion, I decided hockey might not be my thing.”

The conversation flows easily from there. Jeno’s hand doesn’t leave his knee, and Renjun’s own hand ends up hooked over Jeno’s elbow.

They avoid touching on timelines wherever possible, and neglect to mention how Renjun is a newcomer to the city. Aside from a few improvised lines about how tough their long distance relationship was and a slightly tweaked version of how they met, Renjun finds he almost never feels like he’s acting.

“I’m not surprised Jeno was a clumsy kid!” Renjun giggles, poking Jeno in the side. “The last time we went to the arcade, I swear he broke half the machines trying to get enough tickets to win me a stuffed cow at the prize counter.”

“But I managed it! Eventually! And with the longing look you kept giving that thing, you cannot convince me you weren’t hoping I’d get it for you.” Jeno protests.

“My hero,” Renjun deadpans, waving a hand to distract from the slight blush staining his cheeks. Jeno’s mom coos in delight as she watches them banter back and forth.

So, what if the cute plushie Jeno won just for him now resides on Renjun’s bed? The temporary apartment is sterile and devoid of life and the little cow makes it feel like home, okay?

There are still lingering jitters from meeting the family of someone important to you, but Renjun wants to impress them beyond his obligation to his deal with Jeno. He genuinely wants them to like him even knowing they’ll never meet again after this night. It’s silly.

Renjun chats with Jeno’s extended family, even complimenting his aunt on the rooster-themed plates and silverware set out for the night, and entertains his little cousins with whatever fantastical stories his creative brain can churn out.

At one point, Renjun realizes he’s in a thicket of Lee family members without a particular Lee hovering by his side. He scans the room, eventually landing on Jeno’s form leaning against a far wall. Politely excusing himself from the riveting conversation he was having with Jeno’s uncle about the dangers of caffeine, he heads over to Jeno.

Renjun nudges him. “Why are you away from all the fun?”

“Just observing.” Jeno rubs at his arm. “You look really comfortable out there. I knew they’d love you like one of their own, you fit right in.”

“It helps that they’re such lovely people. They seem really happy that you’ve got someone looking out for you out here.” Renjun casts his gaze towards the boisterous crowd. They were truly so eager to accept him, absolutely over the moon to meet the boy Jeno deemed special enough to give up the world for. “Honestly, you probably could’ve asked that random person off the street and your family would be just as delighted.”

“I am lucky, aren’t I?” Jeno grins. “But I must disagree. I couldn’t imagine having anyone else with me. Only you.”

Renjun gulps down the fluttery feeling that rises in his chest. He plays it off by shoving gently at Jeno’s chest. “Gross. You’re just saying that so we don’t blow our cover.”

“You think so little of me, baby!” Jeno clutches at his heart like he’d been shot.

“We’re out of earshot, no need for the cheesy pet names.” Renjun huffs. Jeno is way too good at this fake-boyfriend thing, even more so than during their practice dates. It would be unnerving if it wasn’t so...comfortable.

Dessert is soon served, which everyone eagerly digs into. Renjun entertains a few more family members with tales of their in-person dates and long distance woes. Disregarding a few questions he floundered on一like if they were planning on moving in together soon, what一he feels he’s doing a pretty damn good job at pretending to be madly in love with Jeno.

Pretending. Definitely.

Jeno is caught up mediating a heated debate about the number of holes in a straw. Renjun hadn’t been staring, of course, but once his eyes catch on the stain of chocolate at the corner of Jeno’s mouth, it won’t stop bothering him.

With a sigh, he leans over and thumbs the chocolate off Jeno’s skin. He doesn’t even think twice until his finger is brushing Jeno’s lower lip. Jaw snapping shut in surprise, Jeno reflexively catches Renjun’s hand before it can retract from his face in horror. One of Jeno’s cousins, Yeeun, snickers in the background.

“You’re a really messy eater, did you know that?” Renjun says feebly.

Jeno snaps out of his reverie, a devious smile blooming on his face. Quick as lightning, he dots a kiss on the pad of Renjun’s thumb before releasing his hand. “You love me anyway.”

Renjun hopes the way he’s vigorously rubbing his hand on the napkin isn’t setting off any alarm bells for the family. There was no need to exhibit that much PDA, right? It’s overkill, and they were doing fine.

Silly Jeno.

When the night begins to wind down, Renjun actually feels a little sad. He’s been genuinely having a good time getting to know the people in Jeno’s life, and having them accept him so graciously makes him feel oddly proud. It’s reassuring to know Jeno has so much support around him, even if he feels like he’s alone.

“You’re quite the charmer, Renjun!” Mr. Lee hugs him as they pack up their things. “I’ll look forward to seeing you next time. Jeno’s mom has so many scrapbooks I’m sure she’d love to show you.”

Next time.

Renjun laughs weakly and makes a vague gesture of agreement, but a stone drops into his stomach.

He hadn’t at all considered the long term implications of this ruse. They’d have to stage a break-up or some other excuse for why Renjun won’t be Jeno’s plus one for Yeeun’s spring wedding.

Logically, Renjun will be long gone by the next Lee family gathering and it will be up to Jeno to explain his absence. But there’s a wriggling feeling in the space between Renjun’s ribs, a little voice in the back of his head that says he can’t possibly leave Jeno to deal with the fallout by himself.

Fake-dating Jeno for a night seemed like a harmless enough idea, but fake-breaking his heart? Actually breaking the hearts of his family? Renjun didn’t sign up for that.

“Jeno, be a dear and go fetch the car for your boy, hm?” Mrs. Lee says warmly. Jeno furrows his eyebrows because they had parked right in the driveway, but his mother waves him away.

Shrugging, Jeno directs his gaze to Renjun. “I’ll be in the car, then.”

When the door closes behind him, Jeno’s mother wraps Renjun up in a tight hug. She hangs on a little longer than necessary, and her eyes are slightly glossy when she pulls back.

“You know, we were so worried when Jeno suddenly quit his job. It was such a promising position and he’s a hardworking young man, so we had no idea why he seemed so miserable before he flew back here.” Chuckling softly, she wipes at her eye. “I was so relieved when he told us about you. I knew you’d have to be quite special for him to give all that up, and it seems I was spot on. The long distance must have taken such a toll on you both. I’m just glad he’s happier now. Take care of him, okay?”

Renjun bites his lip. His heart squeezes as he meets Mrs. Lee’s hopeful gaze. “Of course. I’ll take good care of him.”

“Thank you, Renjun,” Jeno’s mother pats his arm one last time. “Thank you for making him look alive again. It was truly a pleasure to meet you.”

Renjun bows as he steps out of the house, stomach churning with unease. He gets into the car on shaky legs. Jeno seems quite triumphant about the success of the night, excitedly recalling some funny stories and thanking Renjun for filling in for his imaginary boyfriend.

“That was great! It wasn’t awkward at all, and you did such an amazing job. I can’t believe just a few weeks ago you were stressing out in the coffee shop. It really felt so natural out there, didn’t it? I almost couldn’t believe it.”

Jeno’s words eventually slow at the lack of enthusiastic responses from Renjun. When they stop at a red light, he quickly assesses Renjun’s face, expression falling. “Is everything okay, Jun? Did I make you uncomfortable out there? I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to一”

Renjun resists the urge to draw his knees into his chest, not wanting to plant his shoes on the seat of Jeno’s car. He fidgets with his necklaces before heaving a heavy sigh. “No, Jeno, it’s nothing like that. I’m sorry if this is overstepping, but...I think you should tell your parents why you really came back home.”

Jeno goes quiet.

“You don’t need to tell them you lied about moving back for your boyfriend, or anything. I told you I’d have your back in this crazy plot and I meant that. But一But they were so happy to see you happy now, regardless of the reason behind it. They really love you. They might not understand why you were struggling out there, but I think they’d accept that there were other factors to your decision. You have more support than you think you do.” Renjun swallows, unsure how Jeno will take any of this. “Including me. I’ll be here for you no matter what happens.”

Renjun bites back the always that rises up in his throat. As much as he’d like to promise that, their time is already running out.

Jeno remains deep in thought as they drive the rest of the way back to Renjun’s place. Picking anxiously at some loose thread at the end of his sleeve, he prepares himself to blabber out one last apology and book it out of the car as soon as it stops.

“Renjun,” Jeno starts softly, and Renjun’s heart seizes up in his chest.

“I’m sorry, Jeno,” Renjun cuts him off before he can presumably scold Renjun for getting involved in things he has no business meddling in. “I know it’s your personal life and I have no right telling you what to do.”

“That’s not what I was going to say!” Jeno’s voice echoes through the car. “Look. I know you were just playing a part back there, but I-I wasn’t lying. I feel so lucky to have you, Renjun. I wouldn’t want to have anyone else by my side. I value your opinion, and if you think it’s a healthy step for me to take...I trust you.”

The words are everything Renjun wants to hear. But at the same time, he knows Jeno doesn’t mean it the way he wishes he does.

“I’m proud of you, Jeno. I really am. You’ve come a long way, and it’s only up from here.” Renjun smiles, surging forward to hug him. He breathes deeply, enjoying the scent of Jeno’s cologne, wishing he could live in this moment forever.

There’s nothing binding them together after this night.

Renjun doesn’t want to let go, but all good things must come to an end eventually. He releases Jeno with a heavy sigh to steel himself, inching towards the door. His fingertips linger on the handle.

“Drive safe, Jen.”

When Renjun gets into his apartment, he flops face first on the couch. There’s a cacophony of emotions muddying up his head and heart.

Relief and residual exhilaration from a lie well-executed. Tenderness at the prospect of Jeno learning to accept a part of himself he thought no one would bother to understand. A gentle glow of warmth from a home cooked meal and a bright family. Hollowness at the thought of losing Jeno forever.

And...something else he can’t quite place.

That last emotion fills up all the empty space between his organs and settles into the wrinkles of his brain. It makes him want to run after Jeno’s car, to scream out that always lodged in the back of his throat.

Renjun picks up Jaemin’s discarded apple from the counter. He squints at it for a minute before pulling a horrified face.

Definitely wax. He’d feel sorry for Jaemin if he could feel anything other than the throbbing of his heart in his chest.

Whatever. Renjun crashes into bed, resolving to put the whole ordeal behind him. He always knew they were meant to go their separate ways, so he has no right being upset now that he’s faced with that reality.

All good things must come to an end.

❅

“And then my doctor was like, well wax isn’t technically edible and blah blah blah, but the amount I consumed was pretty minimal so it shouldn’t clog my intestines, but that I shouldn’t go out of my way to eat it again beca一”

“You’re here?!” Renjun’s strangled voice draws quite a lot of attention in the heart of the bustling pre-show rink.

At first, Jaemin seems annoyed at being cut off, but he immediately settles in for a show once he spots the newcomer.

Jeno nearly loses his grip on his bag. He tilts his head like a puzzled puppy, eyes glimmering underneath the arena lights. “Why wouldn’t I be? We have a show tonight, right?” He scans the rink, gesturing to the prop crews and cast members scurrying around. “Did I mess up the schedule?”

“I just一I mean that your family reunion is over now, and so is opening night. You could’ve skipped town if you really wanted and you wouldn’t have lost anything from it. There’s nothing keeping you here.” Renjun scuffs his foot against the ground. “I wasn’t sure you’d come back.”

“Oh, but Junnie that’s where you’re wrong! There are plenty of reasons to stick around. Besides, I’m part of this show now. Hyuck won’t be healed for a while still, and I can’t leave Minseok all Jihun-less, can I?”

Jeno pokes Renjun’s nose, making him go cross-eyed before he runs off to get his costume on. Renjun blinks, stunned. What’s gotten into him today?

“Aw, and he can’t leave our Injunnie all Jeno-less!” Mark teases, booping Renjun’s nose as well. Renjun takes the opportunity to dart forward and bite down on Mark’s finger.

“So only Jeno gets Renjun nose-booping privileges. I see how it is. Friendship means nothing these days,” Mark sulks, cradling his chomped hand close to his chest.

“You’ve corrupted him,” Renjun jabs his own unbitten finger in Jaemins face, but the devil only cackles.

Jaemin has his chin hooked over his boyfriend’s shoulder, arms snaked around his waist in a disgustingly domestic display. Sickening, absolutely sickening.

Renjun suddenly misses Jeno and his strong arms. For some reason.

Renjun shakes his head at the thought so hard Jaemin asks him if he’s having a medical emergency. Grumbling out an excuse about pre-show muscle warm ups, Renjun grabs his own costume and heads off to get ready for the big night.

There’s enough hustle and bustle around to take Renjun’s mind off the weird energy radiating off his co-star in the corner. No show is exactly the same, but the cast and crew have settled into the routine enough that most of the preparations run smoothly.

Renjun is helping Yerim adjust her sleeves when he feels a presence hovering by his shoulder. Yerim notices before he does. Hiding a smile behind her other hand, she pulls away. “On second thought, I think Sana has more safety pins. Bye, Renjun!”

“You’re chasing away my cast,” Renjun lightly scolds Jeno, but it’s hard to keep a stern expression when Jeno is looking at him like一like that.

Like he’s in love with him, or something.

“Is it so bad to want you all to myself?” Jeno says sweetly, resting his elbow on Renjun’s shoulder and leaning in close to croon into his ear. Unceremoniously, Renjun jerks himself to the side, Jeno stumbling forward at the loss of support.

“Donghyuck is rubbing off on you,” Renjun groans even though he feels lightheaded at the implications of Jeno’s words. “You’re getting greasy.”

This was a mistake, all of it. After that goddamn dinner Renjun can’t shake the feeling of Jeno’s arm around his waist, the words my boyfriend, Renjun echoing in his ears nonstop. Everytime he looks at Jeno, all he can think about is calling him baby.

This is a disaster.

It was never real in the first place, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t difficult to go back to acting normal when they were all cozied up to each other not too long ago. Renjun had allowed flimsy little fantasies to get too deeply embedded in his brain, and now they’ve poisoned all of his thoughts.

Renjun chucks a notepad at Jeno’s face, who of course catches it easily with one hand. God damn it Renjun is never going to get a break.

“If you’re going to hang around and pester me, at least help with prop check.”

Jeno salutes him. They work in a smooth silence, making sure everything is in place and all the props and set pieces are up to code. Time ticks on, the show looming closer and closer.

Running inventory is far from the most riveting job out there, but Jeno seems content just to spend time in the same room with Renjun. It would be sweet, if Renjun’s pulse didn’t pick up at their proximity every time Jeno had to squeeze behind him to reach another prop.

When everything is checked over and in their proper places, Renjun dusts his hands off. “Well, that about does it. I’ll gather the crew and we can get into our beginning spots.”

He turns to leave, but a sudden voice startles him.

“Wait, Renjun!”

Spinning on his heel, he finds Jeno’s outstretched hand lingering by his own. After a beat of hesitation, Jeno retracts the hand, running it nervously through his carefully styled hair.

Somehow, Renjun yearns for the touch that never landed.

Jeno steps forward, almost crowding Renjun against the closed door. He bites his lip, seemingly searching for the right words.

For what, Renjun has no idea.

This close, their height difference is hard to ignore. It might not seem dramatic when they’re both boosted on skates and weaving circles around each other, but here, when Jeno’s eyes flicker down to meet his own and stray just a little too far, when Renjun’s line of sight lands directly on the strong veins that curve along Jeno’s neck...oh, Renjun notices.

Jeno’s mouth opens and closes soundlessly. A little frustrated whine escaping from the back of his throat, he shuffles forward again. Renjun’s head bumps the surface behind him, but he doesn’t feel trapped. In fact, all he wants is for Jeno to keep going, to chase his lips and press him against the door until he can’t feel anything else, but Jeno just swallows hard.

“Listen, I一”

“Three minute warning!” Someone knocks sharply on the door, directly behind Renjun’s skull.

He spooks, hand slipping on the doorknob in his grasp and almost sending them both spilling into the hallway. Jeno’s shoulders slump when the moment slips away from them.

“It can wait until after the show, right?” Renjun ventures. As long as it’s not a sudden injury or illness that will affect their performance, they can just talk later. Whatever Jeno has to say that’s making him so nervous, Renjun can handle it.

After they fake falling in love in front of an audience for the nth time this week.

No big deal.

“I guess,” Jeno sulks. His lower lip pokes out in an adorable pout, and the worst part is Renjun would bet he isn’t even doing it intentionally. He’s just that cute, naturally. God.

“Great.”

Giving Jeno an awkward pat on the shoulder, Renjun slips away into the hallway. He allows himself one breath to recollect himself, brushing the weird tension between them off his skin. As long as they aren’t awkward on the ice about whatever that was back there, he has nothing to worry about.

As expected, Jeno doesn’t let him down.

The show goes off without a hitch. Jeno skates with a certain level of determination that Renjun hasn’t seen before, like he’s throwing his entire being into the performance. It’s such a stark difference from the shy boy who couldn’t even stand straight on his skates on their first day of practice.

There’s an air of confidence about him now. Rather than solely focusing on landing the jumps and remembering the right steps, he’s putting personality and flair into his character.

It’s fun. Jeno grins as he picks Renjun up and twirls him around. Renjun lets himself fall into Jeno’s arms before he darts away, teasing him in a game of push and pull that feels all their own, separate from an entertained audience.

The ice under their skates bows for them. The lights shine on them, the roaring crowd at their backs. Even the air around them is malleable to the touch, molecules shifting as they please. This stage was built for the two of them, and they soak up the spotlight like it’s their last moment on Earth.

The show rushes by in a blur of scraped ice and fleeting touches and Jeno, Jeno, Jeno. Renjun desperately wants to hold onto these easy moments, these times where he can trick himself into thinking whatever sizzles between them is real because when he is Minseok and Jeno is Jihun, they’re in love, and isn’t that close enough?

It’s selfish, but Renjun wants to stay like this forever, to never let go of this excuse to hold Jeno close and profess his love to him. It might be cowardly to hide behind a character’s motivations, but there’s no other way for Renjun to indulge in the beating of his aching heart.

Renjun wonders if Jeno can tell. Maybe he’s being too open, too enthusiastic when he envelopes Jeno in a tight hug after being saved from his captors. Perhaps Jeno already knows how much the lines of reality have blurred for Renjun, unable to tell where Minseok ends and he begins.

Maybe Renjun’s icy mask has already melted away, and Jeno can see right through to Renjun’s waterlogged heart.

Before he knows it, the final scene is upon them. Renjun clutches at the silks wrapped around his body, reaching out for Jeno.

“I...I don’t want to go back. What will I do without you, Jihun?” Renjun chokes up halfway through his line. He tries to stick to the script, but there’s a screaming in his chest that makes the words spill out all too honest.

“You will make me proud. You already have.” Jeno says gently, brushing Renjun’s hair away from his forehead.

The context of their lines should make it clearly feel fake. Renjun’s character is about to be whisked away from the magical realm he stumbled into underneath the ice, and Jeno’s character is a powerful creature-boy that’s dealing with letting his love go.

Perhaps Renjun is just too absorbed in his role, but it all feels so absurdly real. The tears welling up in his eyes as he begs Jeno not to leave him aren’t forced. The desperation lining his words and the devastation wracking his face一Renjun is an actor, of course, but he isn’t that good.

What will I do without you, Jeno?

“I’m so grateful to have met you.” Jeno murmurs, slackening his grip on Renjun’s hand. The words burn in the air between them, spoken so genuinely it makes Renjun’s head spin.

Jeno delivers his lines more firmly than he ever has, as if he’s trying to break through their characters and reach Renjun himself. He’s fired up in a way he never has been during practices, or even during any other show.

It’s electric. Renjun wants to pretend like the words are actually for him.

“No, this can’t be the end! Je一Jihun!” Renjun stumbles over his words. The slip-up makes his cheeks flush, but Jeno seems to be too caught up in the scene to notice.

Hopefully.

They cry out their last goodbyes, struggling to make peace with their diverging fates. Jeno whispers his promise to see Renjun on the other side, and the silks pull taught, ready to lift Renjun away.

Eyes squeezed shut, Renjun tries not to hold his breath. He doesn’t know what to expect. Will Jeno fake the kiss like they should’ve done the first time, or will he mess it up again?

A few beats pass. Renjun can’t sense any movement, but no matter how badly he wants to crack open his eyes and figure out what the hell is going on, he can’t break character.

He certainly didn’t expect Jeno to do nothing at all. Did he forget? Does he want to eliminate the kiss scene entirely? Why would he throw the ending scene when the show was going so well?

The crew operating the aerial silks should have been pulling him up by now, but they hold back for some reason. Renjun is about to make the smallest movement possible to tug on the ribbons and signal them to go ahead when a soft voice commands all the attention in the room.

“I don’t know if you’ll believe me and I don’t know how you feel, but I can’t let you go without telling you how much I care about you. To me, it was always real.”

Jeno is going completely off script, but Renjun has hardly any time for confusion before a pair of strong hands cup his cheeks. Two gentle thumbs stroke reverently over his rhinestone-spotted cheeks.

And then, Jeno is kissing him. Hard.

One hand rests by Renjun’s jaw, the other curling around to support his neck. Jeno slots their lips together firmly, blind desperation masked as confidence. There’s nothing ambiguous about the gentle press of their lips, even though Jeno kisses him as if expecting nothing in return. It feels like a last chance, a final word, a parting gift.

Mistakes happen to everyone, but this is not one of those times.

Renjun resists the urge to open his eyes in shock, not wanting to ruin the atmosphere. The audience roars with cheers behind them.

Jeno sighs, but before he can pull away, Renjun makes his move.

Subtly enough to not break the immersion of the onlookers, Renjun kisses back. It’s a small movement, just enough to tell Jeno it was real to me, too.

Jeno gasps against him. The ribbons around Renjun go taught again, reminding them that they have a show to finish off without their personal emotions getting in the way. Regretfully, Renjun shrinks back from the kiss, and then Jeno’s touch is gone.

Normally, Renjun relishes in every single second spent out on the ice. It’s his home, but for the first time, the performance can’t end fast enough.

The final scene passes in a haze of tingling lips and stolen glances that don’t quite connect. Renjun takes Jeno’s clammy hand to bow, and he hangs on just a little tighter than necessary.

The post-show elation should be contagious. But the swarm of people wanting to talk to him about putting the show together, the cast members congratulating and thanking him, the rush of crew members cleaning up the ice, and all the other noise demanding his attention make it far too easy for Jeno to be swallowed up by the crowd.

Renjun finds an escape soon enough, mumbling out something about being needed backstage and deftly ducking through a hole in the crowd. He peels off his costume and makeup in record time, eyes continuously roving around the area to no avail.

With how easily Jeno evaporated from the scene, Renjun could almost believe it was all an elaborate hallucination.

He strikes the thought down as quickly as it rises. Renjun prides himself on his creativity, but even he could never dream up the incredible sensation of Jeno’s lips against his own.

Slinging his bag over his shoulder, Renjun elbows his way through the blurred faces around him. His world feels fuzzy at the edges, and the one person that can bring it back into focus is nowhere to be found.

He spies Jaemin hanging onto Mark一literally, since Jaemin has his arms looped around Mark’s neck and is hanging like a dead weight一and accosts the couple with wild eyes.

“Have either of you stopped making out long enough to see where Jeno went?”

Mark winces, trying to support Jaemin’s weight before the strain on his neck knocks them both over. “He slipped out before the crowd got too bad, so he’s probably heading home by now? Check the一ow一check the lobby!”

Renjun leaves Mark to deal with his sleepy boyfriend troubles, darting towards the front of the rink. Guests don’t usually leave through this entrance, and somewhere in his scrambled brain he remembers that Jeno likes to park on this side.

Bursting through the doors to the lobby, Renjun takes a moment to catch his breath. The lights are dim, the benches vacant, and the skate rental closed down. A figure-like lump of darkness freezes by the outer door.

Renjun’s vision sharpens, and Jeno is all he can see.

He storms forward, ignoring the yelp Jeno makes when he grabs his sleeve and drags him into the abandoned skate rental area. He presses his back against the door, arms splayed out on both sides to prevent Jeno from making a run for it.

“Did you mean it?” Renjun wheezes, chest heaving. “Out there, on the ice. The words, the kiss一I need to know, Jeno. No more lies. Did you mean it?”

Jeno steps back, one hand rubbing nervously up and down his arm. He’s not making eye contact. “I...I’m sorry, Renjun. That was out of line for me. I’m sorry if I made you uncomfortable.”

“That doesn’t answer my question!” Renjun bites back, unable to suppress the frantic edge in his voice. He moves forward once he’s sure Jeno won’t try to duck past him. Jeno keeps shuffling back even as Renjun advances, until he hits the rack of rental skates behind him. “Jeno一”

“Fine!” Jeno explodes. “Yes, I meant it! I meant every word. I like you Renjun, so much it makes me dizzy to think about. I really fucked myself over with the fake dating thing because all I could think about was making you mine for real, but it’s not fair to you that I let my emotions get out of control. You’re just一I didn’t mean to make this arrangement so messy, but how could I resist when you’re you? Dedicated to everything you do, so stunning I feel like I’m going to drop dead when you look my way, impossibly gentle and patient with me whenever I was struggling...God, Renjun, what was I supposed to do?”

The world stops turning.

“Make me yours,” Renjun breathes.

Jeno visibly shuts down and reboots. His voice comes out strangled, eyes wide as he croaks, “What?!”

Renjun takes another step forward, so close their noses could brush. He isn’t sure where this burst of boldness is coming from. It could be the tantalizing phantom feeling of Jeno’s lips on his, a sensation he wants nothing more than to live in forever, coupled with the post-show exhilaration and an instinct to not let this slip through his fingers, to hold tight and fight for who he loves and never let go.

Whatever it is, be it total delirium or a moment of brief sanity, it loosens his tongue and sends the words he’s been holding back for so long bubbling up from the space between his ribs.

“I said, make me yours, Jeno. I like you too, dear God I thought I was being way too obvious! I like the way you’re so much stronger than you think, the way you committed yourself to this show just to help me even when I was a stranger to you and you didn’t know the first thing about skating. I like all the ways you’ve taken care of me, picking out all those activities you thought I’d like, making me slow down for a second when I’m terrible at giving myself a break. And,” Renjun allows a small grin to ease his serious expression as he squeezes at Jeno’s bicep, “if we’re talking about appearances, you aren’t too bad yourself.”

The shock in Jeno’s eyes slowly melts into relief. His hands hover an inch away from Renjun’s waist, as if he still isn’t sure what’s okay and what isn’t. With a groan of frustration, Renjun grabs his hands and secures them on his skin. Jeno smiles, leaning forward and rubbing slow circles into Renjun’s hip bones. “Not too bad? Is that all?”

“You want me to go on? Forgive me, but the skate rental shop is not the ideal setting for that.” Rolling his eyes, Renjun pokes a finger into Jeno’s chest. This backfires, considering Jeno apparently has switched out his chest muscles for solid fucking rock, so it only makes the blush on Renjun’s face deepen.

Gingerly, Renjun brings a hand up to trace Jeno’s jaw. His breath hitches when Renjun tilts his head back to stare him in the eyes.

“By the way, I’ve never kissed anyone like that, on or off the ice,” Renjun says softly, thumb lingering over Jeno’s lower lip, “But I’m glad it was you.”

Jeno whimpers low in his throat. The Jun, please is only half formed on his lips when Renjun cuts him off, surging up to seal their mouths in a kiss that sends his head spinning.

All of the nerves instantly melt out of Jeno’s body as he holds Renjun close. They move against each other slowly, languidly, like they have all the time in the world. In the middle of this dimly lit skate rental shop, Renjun feels like he’s on top of the world.

It’s a kiss he can actually reciprocate this time, and by God does he make the most of it. Jeno tips his head back against the shelf and Renjun rises on his tiptoes to chase the high. The hand on Jeno’s jaw snakes up to curl in his hair, tugging gently to hear the sighs it elicits from the boy. Jeno’s fingertips skim along the ridges of Renjun’s spine, sending shivers all down his back in the best way.

When they finally break apart, neither of them can keep the smiles off their faces.

“You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that,” Renjun admits, letting his face fall into Jeno’s shoulder as he gently rocks them back and forth.

“If it’s anywhere near as long as I’ve been waiting, I pity you,” Jeno huffs into Renjun’s hair. They rest for a moment, hearts still beating fast with adrenaline.

Jeno starts to stroke his fingers through Renjun’s long hair, giggling whenever he catches on a stubborn clump of hairspray. It’s getting late and they’re both exhausted after the show, but neither of them want to surrender their little stolen moment.

“Jun,” Jeno starts hesitantly, “I don’t want to ruin the mood, but…”

“My favorite way to start a sentence,” Renjun mumbles.

“What happens now?”

Renjun finally pulls his head out of the crook of Jeno’s neck, pouting at the sudden lack of warmth. “What do you mean?”

“I mean, what happens to us?” A sudden look of horror dawns on Jeno’s face. “Oh shit, I’m sorry, I totally jumped to the conclusion that you’d want, like. An actual relationship. Like I do. With you.”

“Oh, Jeno,” Renjun’s frown presses deep lines into his skin. “Please stop doubting yourself. I definitely want something一something real this time一with you.”

“But your show will be moving out of the city soon, and...where does that leave me? Us?” Jeno’s voice wobbles. “I’m still just floating out here, no job, no direction, nothing. Would you really want to do long distance with me?”

“Jeno, I would want to date you even if you were moving to the goddamn moon tomorrow morning. Stop trying to talk me out of it, I’m way more stubborn than you.” Renjun sighs. “About the show...Donghyuck will still be out of commission for a while. You could travel with us, if you’d like?”

Jeno’s eyes grow wide. “Jun, that’s a big decision. Are you sure? I don’t think I could handle that.”

“It doesn’t have to be anything permanent, you can just join to finish out this tour and reassess how you feel when the show goes on break. And I think一I think it would suit you well. We do a lot of traveling, performing at amusement parks and on cruise ships and places all over the world. If a sense of purpose and adventure was what you were missing in your old life, maybe this could be good for you.” Renjun nibbles on his lower lip, not oblivious to Jeno’s prolonged stare. “And I want you there. I don’t want this to end. It’s hard to imagine moving on without you by my side.”

Jeno’s mouth opens and closes, but no words come out. When he finally does squeak something out, his voice is thin and reedy. “I don’t know what to say…”

“Think about it, okay?” Renjun smiles softly, finding Jeno’s hands and squeezing them. “It’s been a long day and there’s no need to make any major decisions right now. I’m in no rush. Just know I’m not giving up on you, Lee Jeno, not after everything we’ve been through.” He pecks the tip of Jeno’s nose. “Besides, I haven’t gotten that cheesecake recipe from your mom yet.”

The tension in Jeno’s face breaks. “Good luck with that, it’s a family secret.”

“Lucky for me! I’m part of the family now, baby,” Renjun bats his eyelashes innocently. Rolling his eyes with a fond smile, Jeno dives in for another kiss. Renjun is more than happy to oblige.

He could spend forever like this, caught up in Jeno’s arms. And with the way Jeno lingers when he drops Renjun off at his door later that night, it seems the feeling is mutual.

Renjun falls asleep with giddiness in his heart and hints of blue makeup smudged on his lips.

❅

“If you pull, it only gets worse,” Donghyuck giggles.

Jaemin has ensnared Mark in one of his finger trap toys, getting his own finger stuck in the process. To his credit, he doesn’t seem particularly distressed by virtually being handcuffed to his boyfriend, but it is making it quite difficult for them to help Renjun with their paperwork.

“You just had to get our dominant hands stuck, Nana,” Mark groans. He’s struggling quite hard, switching between trying to pinch his pen between non-trapped fingers and writing shakily with his other hand.

“Not my fault you’re left handed,” Jaemin sulks. “Who even does that anymore. Seriously! Left handed, in this economy? If this was the eighteenth century you’d be executed for practicing Satanism. I think.”

Jaemin is deflecting because he isn’t faring much better, which makes Renjun laugh. “I knew you were lying when you said you were ambidextrous in middle school, you bitch.”

Jaemin winds up like he’s going to send his useless pen flying into Renjun’s eye, but a knock on the door distracts them all from any potential murder charges.

Renjun gets up to take the door because he simply doesn’t trust any of his friends to behave. He’s glad he did, because as soon as he opens it, he gets an armful of sweaty Jeno.

“Jun! Baby!” Jeno wheezes between gasps for breath, bracing his hands against his knees. He’s flushed red and panting, unable to piece words together.

“Jeno? What are you一where are your keys? Did you run here?” Renjun’s voice pitches up with worry. “What’s wrong?!”

Jeno waves him off frantically. “No, no, nothing is wrong. Promise. Just一whew一just wanted to tell you as soon as possible. Jun,” he straightens up, smiling as he cups Renjun’s cheeks and plants a kiss on his forehead. “I talked to my parents.”

“You did? Oh, Jeno, that’s amazing! I’m so proud of you!” Renjun launches himself forward, arms looping around Jeno’s neck. Jeno swings him in a happy circle before placing him back on his feet.

“It went so much better than I could have ever hoped. You were right. They didn’t understand, exactly, because they’ve never felt the same way, but they accepted that how I was feeling was real nonetheless, and it was just. It was so nice, baby. It feels like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders, and they’re supporting whatever I choose to do from here. Thank you.”

Sniffling, Jeno brushes a stray tear from the corner of his eye. Renjun leans forward and kisses away the rest.

“One more thing,” Jeno composes himself. He grabs Renjun’s hands, thumbs stroking gently over his knuckles. “I ran all the way here because I told my mom about what you really do for work, about your traveling ice show. And...about what you said after the performance. She smacked me upside the head and told me I was a complete fucking idiot and would regret it for the rest of my life if I let this opportunity一and you一go. So.” Jeno sucks in a deep breath, tightening his grip on Renjun. “Does your offer still stand?”

Renjun blinks at him once, twice, before tackling Jeno so hard he nearly sends them both crashing to the floor. He’s glad Jeno is so strong. For more reasons than one.

“Yes!” he cries, peppering kisses over Jeno’s cheeks. “Yes, yes, yes!”

“What the fuck, did my bestie just get proposed to? Without me?!” Jaemin’s insulted voice whines in the background.

“Jaemin, Mark, book an extra plane ticket,” Renjun grins breathlessly. “Jeno is joining us on the rest of the PERMAFROST tour.”

Loud whoops and cheers echo from the living room behind them, and he giggles as he leans his head against the doorframe.

“And an extra housing accommodation, I’m assuming?” Mark calls, already shuffling through their forms. Mark is such a good friend.

Renjun blushes, gaze wandering. He scratches sheepishly at his earlobe. “Um, I’m not sure that will be necessary…”

“Renjun are you firing me? You’re the worst一” Donghyuck’s shrill voice rises above the chaos.

“Oh lord. I should, um, handle them,” Renjun laughs, gesturing behind him. It sounds like Donghyuck has resorted to cutting Mark and Jaemin out of their bonds with a knife, which absolutely no one asked him to do.

Jeno sweeps him up into a tight hug again. “I’m so happy,” he sighs into Renjun’s shoulder. “I can’t wait to travel the world with you, and take you out on proper dates, and introduce you to everyone I know as my boyfriend, Renjun and have it all be real.”

“We’re going to make so many new memories together, puppy.” Renjun kisses the pad of Jeno’s thumb as they pull away. There’s nothing but fondness in Jeno’s pretty eyes as he gazes down at him, and Renjun doesn’t think he’s ever been more in love. “This is just our beginning.”

Later that night, he sends Jeno the flight details and a picture of a rooster shaped teacup. He’s already preparing a gift for when he sees Jeno’s aunt at Yeeun’s lovely spring wedding.

Grinning like the lovesick idiot he is, he sends one more text before turning in for the night.

See you soon, real-boyfriend.