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The sun hasn’t even risen yet, and Xiaoge already finds himself fully awake.
Not that surprising, since Xiaoge generally doesn't need much sleep to be fully functional. Previously, he just needed lots of rest and proper food to recuperate from the blood loss he suffered the day before. Now that he has fully recovered, sleeping for a few more hours until dawn seems pointless. Surely, there are some things he could do right now. He could go out and practice in preparation for today. He could wash off and freshen himself up as he was too busy sleeping to do that yesterday.
Yet, the first thing Xiaoge does after waking up is not any of those.
Instead, his full attention is given to the man sleeping just a few feet away from him.
Before, Xiaoge was first pulled from the realm of sleep by the rustling of sheets and a few sleepy snuffles from the direction of his feet. He was instantly awake in a few seconds and already reached for his sword, ready to strike at whoever it is threatening him. When realized there’s no one there and the sounds came from Wu Xie, Xiaoge put his sword away and relaxed. He considered lying back down and rested a little more, but the sight of a sleeping Wu Xie intrigued him.
Thus, he scooted over to Wu Xie’s side to get a better view. That’s how it comes to this, with him staring intently at Wu Xie, examining the latter from top to bottom and back to the top again.
Wu Xie is still asleep on his back, face turned to the other side, but Xiaoge can still hear him muttering unintelligible things under his breath. Xiaoge has been staring at him for a few minutes, sitting in parallel with Wu Xie’s sleeping position. The only thing that separates them is the wooden table, and even it can’t shield Wu Xie from his line of sight.
The man next to him is peculiar, oddly different. Wu Xie is obviously bewildered and unsettled by Xiaoge’s presence and his reticent, aloof demeanor. Not the first time, of course. Xiaoge tends to ignore other unnecessary questions (or people), only speaking when needed, and generally shows no emotions. Most people don't perceive his indifference in a good way, and they learn to left him alone to his own accord. Xiaoge is used to that, and honestly, he doesn't care too much.
It’s no doubt that Wu Xie belonged to those people. Xiaoge did ignore him several times and treated him with the same coldness. He did save Wu Xie several times—out of an incomprehensible pull to protect Wu Xie—but other than that, he is as detached to Wu Xie as to the rest of the world.
And yet… Wu Xie still took care of him. Wu Xie carried him to the bed, took off his boots, and tucked him in. Xiaoge might not be conscious when he did all that, but he knows there was no way he did all that on his own. Wu Xie brought him dinner, supported him to sit, and helped him with the water. He did all that without any complaints, without any frown or scowl on his face. Just an overall calm expression on his face with an occasional mild smile.
Wu Xie did leave him alone when Xiaoge more or less dismissed him flatly with his brief answer, but he let Xiaoge know where he was going and even offered to help him bathe. Xiaoge did respond to him, even though he didn’t trust Wu Xie enough to help him with the bath. It’s already a wonder for a person like Xiaoge to eat food served by others or to drink water poured by someone else.
What a strange person, Xiaoge thinks.
The strangest thing came after that. Wu Xie offered to help him change his bandages, even though he must have known that Xiaoge could do it on his own. He had lived for a long time, changing bandages with only one hand is as easy as breathing. Wu Xie, on the other hand, probably didn’t have much experience with it. Xiaoge shouldn’t entrust the delicate task to him, no matter how sturdy Xiaoge is. Besides, he didn’t trust Wu Xie yet. If he ignored Wu Xie, the latter perhaps would leave him alone.
Except Wu Xie was staring at him, wide-eyed, a patient smile on his lips. Xiaoge scrutinized him, thinking about multiple ways to escape if Wu Xie made any suspicious movements. He tried to find little signs that could indicate the dangers Wu Xie posed and found none.
In the end, Xiaoge deemed Wu Xie posed no threat to him and relented.
Wu Xie’s hands were warm and extremely gentle as he changed Xiaoge’s bandages as if Xiaoge was a delicate flower that would scatter along with the wind if treated roughly. He even apologized to Xiaoge before cleaning his wound. Xiaoge is a warrior, a fighter. He’s used to pain and roughness, he’s used to pushing himself through his limit and surviving with bare necessities. He doesn’t need to be touched and treated so gently.
Xiaoge’s eyes fall to his wound, clumsily wrapped in a bandage. In some way, he still can feel the residual warmth from Wu Xie’s touches. He brushes the edges of the bandages with his two elongated fingers, trying to figure out the hidden trap. Surely there is some kind of mechanism behind it, since a human’s warmth won’t be able to stay this long.
After convincing himself that it’s just a simple bandage and nothing else, Xiaoge curls his left hand to a loose fist and puts it against his chest.
Warm.
Warmth spreads from his hand to his chest, worming itself through all the crevices in his body.
It’s so warm.
The morning air is cold, but Xiaoge feels warm.
The bandage is warm—no, it’s not the bandage that is warm.
It’s Wu Xie.
Wu Xie is warm.
Xiaoge treated him with coldness and indifference, but Wu Xie returned them with warmth and tenderness. Xiaoge pushed him away and detached himself from him, but Wu Xie somehow managed to get close to him.
He has had fair experience with the darkness of a human’s heart. He had seen people leaving him and whispering bad things behind his back. In their eyes, he is merely an emotionless machine. A killing machine, perhaps. They touched him roughly and hurt him, treated him as something less than a human, used him for their own needs. Xiaoge let them, as he himself doesn’t exactly know the ‘right’ or the proper way to be treated.
He’s used to be treated badly, to feel pain, to be hurt, to be forced. He could take it, his body could withstand the torture. As long as he could survive, he doesn’t care about how they viewed or regarded him.
But this… no one ever did this to him. No one ever treated him like this. No one ever made an effort to take care of him or make him feel comfortable when he’s vulnerable. No one ever touched him so tenderly, so gently, so warmly. Xiaoge could be wrong, as his memories of his past are hazy and blurry. Nevertheless, as he racks his brain for other recollections of the same gentleness and warmth as the ones Wu Xie had given him, he finds nothing.
Only barren, desolate field of snow, cold and empty and harsh.
Perhaps as he slowly uncovers the veil hiding his memories, he’d find another person with the same warmth and gentleness as Wu Xie. For now, Wu Xie was the first one to try and reach out to him, despite Xiaoge’s instinctive effort to detach himself from forming any connection to the world. Xiaoge doesn't know, or doesn't remember, what his true purpose is in this world. That’s why he was searching for his memories. If he recovered his memories, possibly he’d understand more about his existence.
Not even he knows how long he had been sitting there, leaning against the window and pondering about this unusual man called Wu Xie. But he assumes it’s been a while, judging from the brightening sky.
It’s already morning, and Wu Xie should wake up soon.
As expected, not long after that Wu Xie is showing signs of waking up. Xiaoge can hear the sharp inhale of breath, can see the flutters of his eyelids and the movements of his brows just right before those eyes blink open slowly. Wu Xie turns his head to the other side, and their eyes meet briefly before Wu Xie blinks them again sleepily, not fully conscious.
However, he seems to be aware of Xiaoge’s presence beside him, as he turns to his left side, both hands curl loosely on the pillow. Wu Xie smiles sleepily at him, and Xiaoge feels the throbbing warmth again.
“Good morning, Poker Face.”
The old Xiaoge would never respond to simple, unnecessary greetings like this. But an indescribable itch inside him urges him to answer.
“Morning.”
“Is it time already?” Wu Xie turns to his back to rub his eyes, yawns widely, and stretches until his joints crack. “…still sleepy…”
The sight before him reminds Xiaoge of an alley cat he sometimes sees. It’d yawn and stretch all of its limbs after waking up from a long nap, taking its sweet time to fully wake up. The cat then would stare at Xiaoge with its huge, beady eyes and approaches him, demanding either food or a good scritch from him. Most of the time, Xiaoge would not be able to refuse its demands.
Wu Xie does take his time like the cat, during which he yawns and scratches his nape, looking a bit disgruntled. Once he seems to have gained full consciousness, Wu Xie’s bleary eyes stray to Xiaoge again, the same contented smile still plastered on his face. If Wu Xie were a cat, Xiaoge would have suspected that Wu Xie is asking for scritches.
“How are you feeling today, Poker Face? Well enough?” Wu Xie rises and sits cross-legged next to Xiaoge, his hair sticking up in various directions.
"I'm fine," Xiaoge repeats the same answer as last night. Wu Xie beams at him, nodding in relief.
“It’s good to know you already recovered. You gave me quite a scare yesterday, looking all pale and limp like that.”
There. The warmth is back, except now it appears to have come from his chest, not his bandage.
And it’s spreading all around him again, as if he’s being wrapped in a thick blanket after being soaked in ice-cold water.
Very comfortable. Xiaoge can get used to it.
“Oh, right.” Wu Xie turns to face him. “May I check on your wound?”
This time, Xiaoge doesn’t hesitate before giving his left hand to Wu Xie, who holds it as gently as he did last night. Wu Xie unwraps the bandage, tilting Xiaoge’s hand to both sides as he examines the wound.
“Your wound already healed nicely last night, so I assumed you won’t need any bandage this morning. Looks like I’m right. I can put an adhesive bandage on it, though. To prevent your wound rubbing against your gloves.”
Xiaoge doesn't need it, the wound doesn’t hurt anymore. Even if it hurt from being rubbed against his gloves, he can handle it. He can handle worse injuries, a simple slash wound like this is nothing. Yet, he nods wordlessly at Wu Xie. Xiaoge himself doesn't know why he agreed to such a thing.
“Alright, then. I think I saw the waterproof ones last night.” Wu Xie starts digging on the first-aid kit left on the wooden table. “In case you wanted to take a bath later.”
Wu Xie takes his current condition into consideration. As if he already knew how much Xiaoge wants a very thorough bath right now.
As Wu Xie cleaned his wound, he started running through the general plan for today. Xiaoge listens intently, not making any comment, merely nodding several times to show Wu Xie that he’s paying attention. Wu Xie is being talkative with him, unlike last night. He already knows Xiaoge won’t say anything and he still does it. He’s a very strange person.
However, Xiaoge doesn’t dislike it. He doesn’t dislike Wu Xie’s chattering. If any, his voice somehow radiated the same comfortable warmth spreading throughout his body.
Soon enough, his wound is properly covered with the adhesive bandage. Wu Xie makes sure the bandage is tight enough by smoothing it with both thumbs, smiling proudly at his work. Xiaoge slightly regrets the sudden coldness when Wu Xie lets his hand go.
“Done. Now you can take a bath without any concern about getting it wet.” Then he adds, a bit sheepishly. “Speaking of bath, can I go first? It’s, uh… nature’s call.”
Xiaoge nods. He’s not in a hurry to bathe, after all. There’s still plenty of time for him to bathe and prepare before the scheduled time.
“Thank you.” Xiaoge thanks him again, locking his eyes with Wu Xie’s and watching a beaming smile break across the latter's face.
“You’re welcome.”
With that, Wu Xie disappears from the room, leaving Xiaoge alone with his thoughts. Xiaoge protectively cradles his hand to his body, wanting to keep Wu Xie’s warmth on his hand a little bit longer.
Wu Xie is warm. His hands are warm. His fingers are warm. His touches are warm. His voice is warm. His smile is warm.
Every being of Wu Xie seems to ooze with strange, comfortable warmth.
Wu Xie is like the sun, radiating warmth to Xiaoge no matter what he does or what he says. And Xiaoge is soaking up on that warmth like a frosted plant.
Xiaoge likes the warmth spreading throughout his body, he doesn’t want the warmth to go away. He never felt this warmth before, and he’s desperately grabbing to it like a starving man. The warmth fulfills him in a way he never knows. A foreign, alien fulfillment, yet he still craves for it nonetheless. Xiaoge doesn’t know he can long for something this much.
He wants to protect it, keeping it close and steady to him.
He wants to protect the stream of warmth, and he will protect it.
Xiaoge has made up his mind.
He will protect Wu Xie.
No matter what, where, when, or how. As long as Xiaoge is around, there will be no harm coming to Wu Xie. And if he’s too far away, he’ll come to Wu Xie’s side to aid him, to protect him.
Xiaoge will protect Wu Xie and the warmth he has given him.
“In the middle of the barren snow, a single frosted plant stands. It is capable of withstanding the cruelty of endless winter. It always stands tall, protecting itself using the ice around it as a shield. It has existed alone for a long time, devoid of any contacts except for bitter coldness. Until one day, the sun comes and slowly melts the ice around the plant. At first, the plant shies away from the sun, not wanting the sun to destroy its shield. But the sun doesn’t relent, it keeps feeding the plant with its warmth. As the ice melts, a bud emerges from the inside. The bud someday would grow into a beautiful, eternal ice blossom strong enough to withstand any kind of hardships. With the help of the sun, the plant eventually finds a newfound strength, stronger than anything it ever knew.”