Chapter Text
Wu Xie is perfectly fine. There is nothing wrong with him.
Pangzi said he looked like a girl who just got rejected by her first love. Wu Sanxing said he’s a heartbroken damsel in distress after being abandoned by his prince charming without being taken to a castle to live happily ever after with said prince charming. Pan Zi didn’t seem to fully understand what both Pangzi and Wu Sanxing said. Nevertheless, he consoled the spoiled Xiao San Ye from the Wu Family to the best of his capability. That is, by reassuring Wu Xie that Xiaoge was fine, he was strong and surely would visit Wu Xie soon. And by constantly bringing Wu Xie a mug of hot chocolate.
They were all wrong.
He is not brooding over Xiaoge leaving without any notice whatsoever. Nor he is sulking over the fact that he doesn't know how to contact the latter, his residence, or even his full name (Wu Sanxing said Xiaoge’s family name is Zhang, but Wu Xie needs more than that). Oh, and he certainly doesn’t mope over Xiaoge switching the real silk manuscript with a fake one.
Regarding that, Wu Xie still has doubts whether it was Xiaoge who did that, but since Wu Sanxing supported the idea, Wu Xie decided to trust his uncle. After all, he had known Wu Sanxing longer than he knew Xiaoge. Of course, he'd trust his uncle more than Xiaoge, no matter how much Wu Xie admires him. Besides, Wu Sanxing’s logic is sound. Xiaoge had all the abilities and skills to switch the real silk manuscript with a counterfeit.
It’s hard when you can’t fully trust the man you adore, despite everything he had done to you. It’s even harder when said man just disappeared without any trace and you can’t prove that he’s innocent even though you wanted to. The hardest? You don’t know anything about him except a nickname and a family name.
Maybe he is a bit annoyed at Xiaoge. Just a little bit.
He’s just a little annoyed at Xiaoge, enough to give him reasons to squeeze Xiaoge’s cheeks or give him a hit or a slap.
Okay, he admits he’s quite annoyed at Xiaoge.
But he’s not heartbroken or depressed over being rejected by Xiaoge like Wu Sanxing and Pangzi said. Also, he is not a damsel in distress and Xiaoge is not his prince charming.
Still, here he is, already crashing at his uncle’s place for about a week already, sulking like a little brat he is (Wu Sanxing’s words) while searching for detailed information about Xiaoge. Wu Xie claimed he’s not only looking for information about Xiaoge but for the silk manuscript and the copper fish with snake brows too. At that, Wu Sanxing can only roll his eyes in a combination of fond exasperation.
“Here, Xiao San Ye.” Pan Zi places (another) mug of hot chocolate with his dinner on the space not far from him. “Eat something first so you don’t get sick.”
“Thank you, Pan Zi.” Wu Xie gives him a grateful smile (if not for Pan Zi, he’d already turn into a lump of dried-up meat) and starts digging into his dinner.
As Wu Xie sips on his hot chocolate, he overhears the conversation between Wu Sanxing and Pan Zi.
“Why are you spoiling that boy? He’s old enough to know how to take care of himself. You don’t need to serve him or anything. If he got sick because he neglected himself then it's his fault.” Wu Sanxing huffs, but there’s no real bite in his words, so Wu Xie knows his uncle doesn't mean it.
Pan Zi, bless his kind heart, defends Wu Xie.
“Xiao San Ye is still young, it’s normal for him to feel brokenhearted after Xiaoge left him like that without any announcement. You understand the most about Xiao San Ye's feelings towards Xiaoge. I’m sure Xiao San Ye will feel better once he meets Xiaoge again.”
Wu Xie chokes on his hot chocolate. Turns out Pan Zi does understand what Pangzi and Wu Sanxing had been saying.
“I gave that boy a chance to bond with Xiaoge and he didn’t make use of that chance well enough. He was already smitten with Xiaoge ever since that night when Xiaoge helped him with the robber. Pan Zi, I’m sure you can see the little stars in Wu Xie's eyes every time he glances at Xiaoge.”
“San Ye, you do know Xiaoge is a mysterious man. It’d take longer than one night for Xiao San Ye to get close with him.”
Wu Sanxing sighs. “You’re right. At the very least, Xiaoge didn’t think twice about saving Wu Xie. I can count that as a success.”
How many times Wu Xie has to tell them that his feelings for Xiaoge are not like what they had been thinking? Wu Xie admires Xiaoge for his skills and abilities. He’s also grateful for the latter who repeatedly saved his life. And if he thought Xiaoge is extremely beautiful, doesn’t mean he likes Xiaoge in that way.
Deciding that paying any other attention to the other two is not worth his energy, Wu Xie tunes them out, focusing more on his dinner and the book he had been reading.
.
.
.
Approaching two weeks, Wu Xie is ready to admit he might have to agree with what his uncle had been saying. Not all of them, since Wu Xie isn't sure about how he feels towards Xiaoge. Wu Xie only decides that it’s worth mulling over what his uncle said because he can't stop thinking about Xiaoge.
Right, not Xiaoge.
Zhang Qiling. Zhang Qiling is Xiaoge's real name. It’s a good name, Wu Xie thinks, befitting the cool mysteriousness of Xiaoge. Still, Wu Xie prefers calling him either Xiaoge or Poker Face. It seems more… intimate? Friendlier? Calling him Zhang Qiling feels too formal.
Back to the topic. Yes, Wu Xie can’t stop thinking about Xiaoge, mostly about those instances when Xiaoge saved and helped him. Some he can’t remember, but Wu Sanxing and Pangzi’s accounts on them were accurate (and detailed) enough.
Xiaoge saved him from A-Ning’s group in Inner Mongolia. Xiaoge saved him from being robbed. Xiaoge killed the corpse-eater attached to his neck. Then Xiaoge fainted from blood loss and had to be carried and taken care of by him. Wu Xie replays that time in his mind over and over again, marveling at the hidden adorableness of Xiaoge. It was after that day when Wu Xie realizes the small, subtle changes in Xiaoge’s gestures towards him.
Wu Xie can remember the way Xiaoge caught and steadied him by wrapping an arm around his upper arm when A-Ning bit him. That time, everything happened too fast for Wu Xie to process. But now, he has a lot of time to remember the small details he missed. Like how Xiaoge’s arm slid down to his lower back and didn’t move until Wu Xie could stand properly again. Or how he curled in the cradle of that arm. That was… embarrassing. Yet Wu Xie can’t help but regretting why he didn’t stay there a little while longer.
From Pangzi he knew that when he fainted, Xiaoge didn’t hesitate to cut the tip of his finger to smear his blood on Wu Xie’s lips. No, not smear, Pangzi quickly corrected. Xiaoge slipped his finger just slightly between his lips. The blood smear on his lips was just the leftover. Unfortunately, Xiaoge took his finger away as soon as Wu Xie gained consciousness. Pangzi said, and he quoted: he (Xiaoge) could’ve let his finger there, see if you (Wu Xie) would happily suck on it.
Too bad hitting Pangzi with a throw pillow wasn’t satisfying enough.
The next instance was told from Wu Sanxing’s account, with Pan Zi adding a little detail on his own. According to Wu Sanxing, as soon as Wu Xie passed out, Xiaoge jumped down and grabbed a firm hold of him and they both safely landed on the ground. Xiaoge carried him to a more comfortable place and held Wu Xie against his body, letting Wu Xie lean his head on Xiaoge’s shoulder. Wu Sanxing explained, with glee in his voice, how Xiaoge’s hand stroke Wu Xie’s left arm, or the way Xiaoge’s thumb rubbing small circles on it.
Pan Zi claimed he saw a sliver of panic on Xiaoge’s face upon seeing Wu Xie fell. Quite surprising, since Xiaoge is not the type of person who would make other expressions on his face. Wu Xie didn’t 100% believe him but still considered Pan Zi's words.
Wu Xie was awake soon after Wu Sanxing patted his cheek, so he still can remember Xiaoge’s nod as Wu Xie thanked him. He also believes what Wu Sanxing said about Xiaoge stroking his arm because Wu Xie remembers Xiaoge’s hand moving up and down his arm in a slow, deliberate touch. Xiaoge supported him as he stood, and didn’t move away until Wu Xie told him he’s fine.
The next time he fainted (Wu Xie truly is embarrassed at his physical weakness), Xiaoge cradled his head so gently as if he was afraid of injuring Wu Xie even further. Xiaoge even went as far as promising A-Ning to search for her other companion just so he could feed Wu Xie with the dragon’s blood.
The last time Xiaoge saved him (and also the last time Wu Xie saw him before he disappeared), was when he fell and knocked the breath out of his lungs. Xiaoge jumped down and slashed another wound on the same palm Wu Xie had (lovingly) cared for the night before, spraying his blood to get rid of the corpse-eater. He then placed the same hand beside Wu Xie’s head, and for the first time since they met, Xiaoge called his name.
Never once did Wu Xie ever imagine how his name would sound like in Xiaoge’s voice. Sadly, the first time he heard it, he was too focused on the pain in his back to enjoy it. Nor he could fully enjoy the closeness of their faces, or the Xiaoge’s warm breath washing over his face. Now Wu Xie can only lament the loss of chances and hopes there would be another time
If there was another memorable thing that would never leave Wu Xie’s mind no matter how hard he tried to forget it, it was the sight of a sweaty, slightly bloodied and bruised, shirtless Xiaoge, exposing the large Qilin Tattoo spreading over the left side of his chest, to his shoulder, around his arm, and around his rib cage. Wu Xie’s mouth went dry the first time he lands his eyes on Xiaoge’s body.
As he finishes remembering every single detail of everything that had happened between him and Xiaoge, Wu Xie can understand why Wu Sanxing said he didn’t make use of the chance given to him. Now that Xiaoge is nowhere to be seen, Wu Xie can only keep and cherish those memories.
Planting his cheek on the cold desk, Wu Xie draws random things on the surface with the tip of his finger.
“I guess… I do like him… a little.”
Wu Xie closes his eyes and puffs out a tired breath.
“Where are you now, Xiaoge? Come back soon, I want to see you…”