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minho hates liars.
facades pissed him off, they were too easy to pick apart. white lies were unnecessary. fake feelings were nothing but pain.
he never experienced much of it himself but learned to hate them through second hand experience. his hatred developed slowly, quietly, something flooding his insides and brewing in the depths of his heart whenever he saw his friends get hurt.
he was there for it all, the tears and heartbreaks, the fights and anger, the awkward silences and disappointment. minho remembers the night with felix when the boy found out about chan cheating on him. he remembers the red stains against the blue on jeongin's favorite shirt and the same red seeping into hyunjin's bandaged hands. the memories of jisung and changbin's faces each time they looked at each other - if at all - were blurry but still very much present.
minho also was a bit of a hypocrite.
he didn't lie per say, never put on his metaphorical mask but didn't wear his heart on his sleeve either. he would never admit how much he actually cares, how painfully straining it is whenever he feels his heart swell up at more tears and sobs and shaky breaths in his arms as they spill .
he doesn't admit his tear stained cheeks at night.
he doesn't deny abusing whatever it is that makes others confess (nothing too deep, just exploiting a couple 'loopholes' in silly bets and whatnot), says it might be his golden tongue and excellent ability in reading faces and the room.
(he doesn't deny his belief in magic.)
he does deny his feelings towards seungmin.
time and time again he's seen how both truth and dishonesty seem to wreak havoc upon relationships, there's no rule to whatever would have been the better option. all of it just seems to end in pain. it's like a trap and minho is scared of it. scared of lies and truths, scared of his heart and the inevitable pain that will come either sooner or later but never not at all. scared of seungmin and his wonderful golden smiles that make him wonder if they're genuine and really, it's the unknown answer that he's fearing most.
"did you even listen to me, minho?"
(speak of the devil.)
"no. sorry."
a warm sigh escapes seungmin's lips. he's smiling and minho's heart is trying so hard to keep its steady rhythm.
"what i was saying - i'm quitting the baseball team. it's not the same without felix, changbin and jisung. i can't blame them for leaving after what happened but…"
minho watches the corners of seungmin's mouth twitch before they fall and feels a sting the next time he breathes. he gets distracted again and only catches the last few words.
"...also i just- i guess i have something- someone else that's- actually, forget about that."
minho chews on his lip and moves his hand from where it's been right in front of him on the table, fumbling with a lighter only millimeters away from seungmin's hand. he takes the plastic case between finger and thumb, nudging it against the other's hand, slips it between the calloused fingers and helps him grab it. dainty fingers cage in seungmin's hand and his palm gently pushes against his knuckles to make them form a fist.
if the lighter digs into seungmin's hand weirdly, he doesn't say it, doesn't move it around in his hand either and minho isn't really keen on finding out about that. it's something else entirely, so he asks
"who is it, seungmin?"
minho can almost feel seungmin holding his breath, sees it when he stares at his chest and can tell it doesn't move.
seungmin stays silent and stares. right into minho's eyes. there's something in seungmin's eyes minho doesn't dare try to decipher. it makes his hand flinch and there's now an infinite space of nothingness between where their skin touched only seconds ago.
he pulls his hand away even further and clears his throat. seungmin starts breathing again.
"you didn't listen?"
"no, what was it?"
"...forget about it."
they finish their coffee in silence and seungmin lights a cigarette.
the next time they meet each other is in the changing roms to clean out seungmin's locker. minho leans against the ugly battered metal door two numbers next to seungmin's and kicks the other's bag around mindlessly. there's some small talk, some seungmin reminiscing in memories and nostalgia and minho doesn't get it so he just listens to the other's little giggles. he likes happy seungmin, he admits to himself
"minho can you help me with the clothes up there? i can't reach."
he takes a step closer and is now right up in seungmin's personal space. he can smell the faint hint of weird milk-and-honey bodywash he used this morning, minho hates the smell, but there's also a hint of dog and the mental picture of seungmin cuddling with his huge labrador makes it a bit better.
seungmin doesn't move.
their breaths are out of sync minho notices.
he reaches toward the top shelf that even he can barely reach while seungmin still tries, struggles and minho manages to grab a hold of the old hoodie on top. "it's a shame," he begins and shoves lump of fabric into seungmin's arms. their arms are pressed against each other, so minho continues "you have to leave now. you're good."
"no, i'm glad. i finally get to leave this place and it gives me a good enough reason to leave all of this behind."
his cold stare picks away at minho's face, minho tries to dodge it but his body still freezes. he pulls away again and watches how the hoodie unravels in seungmin’s arms, sleeves hanging limply and minho can see the patch haphazardly sown in the thick cotton to close a rip on the elbow.
this time it's seungmin who freezes and awkwardly stares at the wall behind minho.
they finish in silence.
the awkward tension melts into the thick, humid summer air when they all spend their first day of summer together. chan and felix are talking again, their laughter isn't nearly as bright as before but it's getting there. minho understands felix’ bitter face whenever changbin gets a little closer to chan. the two of them never really exchanged words that day. he talks a bit more with jisung though, seemingly bonding over the awkward relationship they have with changbin although for vastly different reasons. still, they end up in each other's arms. he sees hyunjin and jeongin holding hands a lot and their touches are careful buy firm. he sees jeongin brushing his thumb over hyunjin’s knuckles. hyunjin is sticking to the boy’s arm.
and then there’s seungmin. he lets felix cling to his side and blows the smoke of his cigarette in minos direction. seungmin looks away but minho stares.
“didn't you want to quit?”
he nods a bit reluctantly and kills off the glowing cigarette in the dirt between dry patches of grass. minho moves to sit next to him and shoots a gentle smile towards felix as he greets him out of his sleepy trance. “sorry for waking you up lix. i need to steal this guy for a second.” he grabs seungmin’s wrist and lifts his body off the floor, feels the others hesitate and resist for a moment but ultimately follows him.
minho separates them from the rest of their group, back turned so he doesn't see some of their questioning looks, felix looking worried and seungmin's small grin - though he does feel something scorching his neck. he blames it on the sun.
“i’m not a quitter.”
minho stops when the words escape seungmin’s mouth rather suddenly. both of them are a bit confused.
“what do you mean?”
“i don’t quit shit if i don’t have a reason.”
seungmin tries to get his hand out of minho’s firm grip but fails. minho looks pissed and raises an eyebrow.
“i’m gonna ask again. why didn’t you quit smoking like i- like we told you to do?”
seungmin bites his lip so hard it pierces the skin. eventually, he can’t hold it back anymore.
“because it pisses you off.”
minho feels dizzy.
“because i want to piss you off.”
seungmin grins like a bastard when his hand slips out of minho’s grasp finally.
“you don’t get it, do you?” no, minho wants to say, but his lips are sealed. he can’t bring himself to lie, he knows why seungmin is doing this but he wants to dodge the truth as he usually does. “we don’t fit together, minho, get that in your pretty little head will you?” he steps closer, pushing minho back against the tree. he pins him to the rough bark, lifting his hands and pressing their palms against each other. minho didn’t notice the other getting the lighter from his pocket that is now resting in between seungmin’s left and minho’s right hand.
“i do care about you,” he says and leans closer.
“i want you to be happy, really,” minho intertwines their fingers and seungmin lets him.
“but it doesn’t work like this.”
seungmin leans in even further, breathing right onto minho’s lips.
“i just don’t love you.”
minho leans in and steals a short kiss. he cringes at the coppery taste and the bitterness of it.
“i’m sorry minho, i really am.”