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You continued to stare at your ceiling fan. The blades going round and round as you laid in your bed. Craning your neck to look at the clock. The numbers 3:45pm displayed in bright white letters. Turning your head back you continued to watch the blades spin. You hadn’t moved from your bed all day. Your phone kept lighting up from notifications but you had no energy to check them. Taking in a deep breath you held the covers over your neck before turning on your side to shield your eyes from the light slipping through. The sound of someone opening your door unphased you. Just thinking it was one of your siblings you sit up,
“Can you please close my do-” Shock filled your body as you saw Kuroo standing in the door’s entrance.
“Y/N? Are you ok?” It was a simple question. One that you had heard so many times and said the same answer to. But for some reason you couldn’t form the words to reply back. You looked at him and tried to pull off the same smile you always did. Nodding you turned your head away from him. Not wanting to let him see how terrible you looked. “I don’t believe you. What’s wrong?” he insisted, sitting on your bed next beside you, taking your chin in his hand as he turned your head to stare into his eyes.
What were you supposed to tell him? That you felt like you weren’t enough? That you felt like you were nothing to no one? Or that you were a disappointment? A failure? That you were weak because you can’t even get through this slump you were in? That too many thoughts were racing through your head all the time. Telling you that everyone was better off with you being gone?
He wrapped his arms around you and pulled you into a tight hug. Before you knew it your eyes overfilled with tears. Your head buried into his shirt as sobs escaped from your mouth for the first time in days. He ran his fingers through your hair as he quietly shushed, allowing you to cry. “It’s ok. I’m right here. Let it all out.” he cooed, resting his head on yours. Finally the tears dried up as he pulled you away from him, looking you in the eyes. “Do you wanna tell me what’s wrong now?”
You nodded, wiping your nose with your sleeve. Your voice still shaky from crying.
“I haven’t been doing really well…” you replied, his amber eyes filled with concern as you continued to speak. “It’s getting harder for me to go to sleep. I feel like I’m not good enough. That I’m not worthy of anything. That everything I do is just going to nothing. That I’ll just fail in the end like I usually do.” The words seemed to flow out of you like a river as your voice started to shake more. Tears tried to fill your eyes once more but nothing came out. He looked at you nodding his head until you finished venting.
“I don’t know personally what you're feeling. But I know that you are more than good enough. You don’t need to prove that to anyone. You’ve done so much and you’ve helped so many people. And You’re not a failure, You're the exact opposite of it. Just because you think that you’re not like this certain person, or that you feel like you have no talent whatsoever, doesn’t mean that you don’t have stuff that makes you well, you. You are not like everyone else. You have so many talents that everyone can tell you have but you. You’re kind, smart, beautiful, hard working. You are so important and special. You have no idea how much of an impact you have on me.” you looked at him, your eyes filled with disbelief as he continued. “ You take so much time and energy to make sure that I’m ok, that everyone else is happy. When is someone going to help you? hmm?” you looked at him then looked away again in shame.
“I-”
“You can’t make everyone happy and you’ve got to accept that ok? And I know you try your hardest in school. It takes an idiot not to notice that. You can’t let someone’s words just bring you down. Only you know who you are and how hard you are trying. Know that I love you so much, and that I’m not going anywhere.” he responded. Those final words tipped you over the edge. Holding him close again you managed to speak again.
“Thank you so much for this. What did I do to deserve such a good boyfriend like you?” he kissed your forehead then rested his chin on the top of your head.
“I should be saying the same thing about you kitten.” he replied before getting up and walking towards his bag that he brought. “I bought mint chocolate ice cream, your favorite.” he replied, reaching into his bag and pulling out the ice cream carton. Shaking it in his hands as a lopsided grin appeared on his face.
“Kuroo you know I can’t eat that!” you pout, trying not to let a smile creep on your face. He snickered, pulling out two bottles of coke a cola.
“You’ll be fine! Unless you just want me to eat this all by myself….” he teased. Opening the carton before placing a spoon inside and scooping some out. Snatching the ice cream away from him, you stole the spoon from his hand just before he was about to eat it. Placing it in your mouth and relishing the flavor.
“Hey! I was about to eat that!” he whined before grabbing the other spoon he brought, and trying to take another scoop.
“Uh-uh, it’s mine now your loss.” you taunted moving the carton away from him.
“I was the one who bought it! So let me have some!” he growled before taking the ice cream forcefully and quickly scooping some out. You two continued to fight over the ice cream until you both were laughing hard, trying to catch your breath. Looking into his eyes as your breathing steadied again.
“Hey can you promise me one thing?” you asked, he looked at you with a glint of amusement still in his eyes.
“Mhm, what is it?”
“Promise me that we’ll stay this close forever.” He looked at you, a smile stretching across his face.
“Of course! You know how hard it is to get rid of someone as stubborn as me.” he teased. You nodded, opening your coke bottle. Not even realizing that a genuine smile had appeared on your face for the first time in what felt like forever.