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"I have no idea what to expect. That makes me twelve times as nervous."
"What thoughts make you nervous?"
Peggy sighed. "It's more of a feeling. I haven't exactly had the best experience with other uncles… And I know it's probably going to be fine because he's been through the same thing! But I don't know… What if he hates me?"
"Why would he hate you?"
__
Peggy was reading on her bed when Natasha peeked her head in.
"Hey Pegs, your mom's calling you downstairs."
Her mom was sitting on the couch, looking intently at her phone.
"Come look at this." she called.
Peggy sat next to her, leaning her head on her shoulder. Her mom's phone was opened to a Facebook profile that read "Boris Hawkstar", showing a man with dark blond hair and light eyes next to another man, with darker skin. They both looked middle-aged.
"Who's that?"
"Your uncle. My oldest brother. The other man in the picture is his husband. I haven't seen him since I was three."
Peggy's eyes went wide with the implications. "Oh. You found him?"
She nodded. "Last week at the crafts fair, I thought I recognized him. I got his husband's business card, he had a booth at the fair."
"Did you talk to him?"
"Through Facebook only. He's been very open about the whole thing." she frowned. "But I don't think he appreciates being reminded of the family."
"Don't blame him." Peggy muttered.
"He's offered a visit. He wants to meet you."
" Me ?"
__
"You might feel like he's going to hate you, but you're reading it from your perspective. Wouldn't you feel standoffish around the family members that cut you off?"
Peggy considered. "Yeah."
"And he got cut off a long time before you. When not only the church's opinion on gay people was worse, but the public opinion as well. Can you see how he would be more cautious?"
She hadn't thought about that. "Yeah."
"So think about that when you think he's being mean. He's had to go through a lot. It's not your fault that he did, but you might remind him of it."
"Okay. Yeah. Perspective."
Her therapist smiled. "Perspective. That's what we always say, isn't it?"
__
Perspective.
She could do this. And if she couldn't, her mom and Newt could help her.
They lived in a regular townhouse in the city. The gay diversity flag hanging on the side of the house gave Peggy a little jolt of happiness in her heart.
Her mom squeezed her shoulder. "Are you okay?"
She took a deep breath and nodded. "Yes. Yeah."
"Well, ring the bell."
She did, and began fidgeting with Newt's leash. She had attached a small toy to it specifically for that reason.
The darker skinned man Peggy recognized from the photos opened the door. He had on a simple polo shirt and jeans, and he wore a thick pair of glasses. He opened a friendly smile.
"Hi! I'm so glad you could make it. I'm Mark, you must be Alexandra and you're Margareth, right?"
"That's right. Just call me Peggy, though." she smiled.
"Peggy, then. Well, come in, take your shoes off, Boris is just finishing up in the kitchen, he's gonna come here soon." Mark seemed to suddenly notice the fluffy mass that was Newt. "And who's this good boy?"
Peggy let out a nervous laugh. "That's Newt, my therapy dog. He's a very good boy."
"Oh my gosh, he's beautiful. Can I pet him, or is he working?"
"Oh, you can pet him! He's very friendly. Newt, release." she commanded, so the dog would stop working.
Mark scratched behind Newt's ears, and the Samoyed put his tongue out and wagged his tail, like the big doofus he was.
"What a good boy! Does he have a problem with cats?"
"No, not at all, he's very well trained." Peggy assured.
They sat down in the living room, Newt laying down on Peggy's feet as he was trained to. The room was very well-decorated, with colorful furniture and matching paintings on the walls. Mark noticed Peggy looking at them.
"Aren't the paintings gorgeous? A friend of ours sells them, and she's so good at it. Oh, look who came to greet you!"
A round orange cat with the most beautiful amber eyes crept around the corner of the couch, sniffing the air and looking carefully at the visitors.
"That's Apollo, his sister is somewhere around the house. She's not as much of an extrovert, but she'll come around eventually."
Apollo approached Newt carefully, and they sniffed each other for a moment before Apollo jumped to Mark's lap.
"Aw, he's beautiful." Alexandra smiled. "How's your craft business?"
"It's been going great!" Mark exclaimed, clearly very proud of his work. "I made a good amount of sales last week at the fair, and it's baby season, so you know, lots of boxes and stuff being ordered." He looked at Peggy. "Baby season is the best for crafts people, let me tell you."
"Everyone loves a cute handmade gift for babies." Alexandra agreed. "The sheer amount of pink and blue yarn I go through-"
"Right? I think they could all be more creative. Gendered baby gifts are so outdated."
Peggy just laughed and nodded. Her anxiety seemed to have subdued - at least until a tall man with wary green eyes turned the corner, analyzing the situation. Mark noticed his husband immediately, and gestured for him to sit down.
"Ah, there he is. Say hi to the guests, honey."
"Hi. Uh, it's good to meet you." Boris shook hands with both of them and sat down next to Mark. "Meet you again, I suppose."
Alexandra smiled, a little bashful. "It's good to see you again, Boris. Really. I may not have many memories, but… well, we had a similar experience, I suppose."
He huffed a laugh. "Yeah. Last I saw you, you were barely tall enough to reach the dining table. Imagine my surprise when I found out you had a kid."
She laughed. "Ah, well. Time passes so quick - it seems to me that Peggy was at that age just a day ago."
"They let you stick around as a single mom, huh? Didn't marry you off to the first willing bastard."
"Well, Mo- Vera did try. But I had so much on my hands already, and Mary had just had Natasha as well, it was easier to take care of the girls together. And by the point I wasn't so busy anymore… I was 'too old'." she scoffed. "You know how it is."
"Oh, do I. So, Peggy." he turned his gaze to her, and she was alarmed for a second. "Tell me about you. I want to know Vera Hawkstar's other gay descendant." He said, bitterly, but his eyes had something genuine behind them.
"Oh. Well, I'm 22, I study Public Relations at Rose University… um, I want to go into diplomatic work. Newt here is my therapy dog, he helps me with my anxiety." Boris seemed interested in that. "We've been going to therapy since we left. It's helped a lot, but… you know. There's so much I don't know compared to my friends."
He nodded, understandingly. "Did you get found out?"
"No? Uh, it's complicated. After Nat got engaged, they started telling me I would be next. And they started, you know, introducing me to boys, bringing them over, and none of it felt good. Then, uh…"
__
"Nat? Are you busy?"
"No, not at all!" Natasha wiped her hands and turned to face Peggy. She had always been better at the whole… woman thing. Cooking and cleaning and all that. "I've just put the casserole in the oven. What do you need?"
"Um… I…" She had a plan for what she wanted to say, but the actual situation was much harder. "I don't feel good about the whole… suitors thing."
"Oh, Pegs." Her cousin hugged her gently. "You're gonna find a guy for you, I just know it! There's a lot of people at the church, or maybe you can meet someone if you really do go to college!"
Peggy appreciated her sympathy, but it was essentially meaningless for what she actually felt. "Well, I… I think that's gonna be hard. I have never liked a boy like that , you know?" She looked expectantly at Natasha, hoping she'd get it. "And… I don't really want to be a mom either."
"But you're great with kids! Wait. Never liked a boy… Pegs, just because you haven't ever found one you liked, it doesn't mean you don't like any boys!" She was exasperated now. Somehow, Natasha understood… and yet, she didn't.
"Nat. I don't think… I don't think that's the case." Peggy started to get choked up. "I mean, Neville was just so much like me, I- I thought he was it, but it was just… nothing! And… girls. I have… felt things before. For… for girls." It was as much of an admission to herself as it was for Natasha. The tears were coming out uncontrollably now.
"Oh, Pegs…" Natasha hugged her tightly. "It's okay, it's okay… I don't hate you. But… that doesn't mean you can't get married to a guy, right? I mean, you may not like him, but… just so you won't get kicked out? You know, how they talked about at the temple, if you still fulfill your duty and all, Heavenly Father isn't… You don't need to be punished."
She was looking for endless solutions… but Peggy had already thought about them all. She shook her head.
"Natasha… I would rather die. I just, I can't… I can't just get married to the first guy that shows up. I know that you think it's fine, but… I don't want that to be my life. I'm not like you." She sobbed. "I can't be like you…"
"Have you… have you told Aunt Alex? Maybe she can… figure something out. You know, single moms aren't supposed to be in the church either, and…"
"I don't know. Nat, what if she hates me? I don't know what to do…"
"She's your mom, she's not going to hate you. And hey." She cradled her face in her hand. "If everything ends up badly, I'll stick with you. Okay? You can come live with me and Andrey, and… and you won't even need to get married."
"R-really? You would do that… for me?"
"Peggy, you're my best friend. I would even give up the church if that's how I can keep you in my life." She whispered conspiratorially. "But I don't think it's gonna come to that."
Peggy nodded, knowing she was wrong. "Okay. Thank you, Nat. I-I love you."
"I love you too." Natasha hugged her again, swaying with her in the middle of the kitchen. "Forever and ever."
After she had stopped crying, Peggy pulled away from the hug. "Don't tell anyone else about this. Really. Not even Andrey." She pleaded, sternly.
"Alright. I promise."
__
"...and then I told Mom, and she was… so nice about it." Peggy gently leaned her head against her mom's shoulder. "And she told me she was already thinking about leaving, because she was so frustrated with the church." She looked at her, expecting her mom to elaborate.
"All I wanted was for her to be safe. And at that point I could already sustain us both with my salary, so it was just a matter of doing the dang thing." She nudged Peggy. "And then? It's your story."
The people in the room laughed. "Yeah. So then after Natasha got married, we left and found a place. Then I found out I got accepted into Rose. I even ran into a friend I made in the church. Well. Not the Church, just at church. She's also gay."
"Are you two…?" Her uncle asked, raising his eyebrows.
"Oh! No, gosh no. Marge's nice, but she has her own girlfriend, and they're so cute together. Somehow she managed to find the queerest group- oh, does that offend you?" She interrupted herself, remembering her uncles' history.
"No, not that much. We don't really use the word, but it's fine." Mark reassured her.
"Okay. Um, yeah, so Marge has the queerest friend group and I'm in there, somehow. They're all so crazy. The school has a lot of clubs and stuff, so I'm doing everything I possibly can. It's nice. Learning how to be… a person, and not a ' servant of Heavenly Father '."
"That's nice. What have you been doing? What clubs did you join?"
"Oh, gosh. I joined a tabletop RPG group. It's so fun."
"What, like Dungeons and Dragons?" Boris asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah! It's really in these days. Did you ever play it?"
"I never played, but this one did." He nudged Mark. "I wasn't that nerdy."
"Hey! Don't mind him. It's fun, isn't it? I always liked to play a bard."
"Yeah! I'm playing a ranger right now. My group just loves to get into these completely pointless sidequests, our DM is so annoyed with us."
"Okay, now back to the people talk-" Boris teased, and his husband playfully slapped his shoulder. "You're not dating that friend of yours, but are you seeing anyone else?"
Peggy got bright red, and the adults laughed.
"Peggy, you don't need to tell us anything. Your uncle just loves to get his nose into other people's business." Mark said, with a pointed glance.
"No, no, it's fine, it's just… It's all very new to me, that's all. We met at school, her name's Woe. We're not… dating dating, but… yeah. We went to the botanic gardens the other day. She's also from a church, but it's another denomination. Not nearly as… restrictive. She's incredible."
"Aww, that's sweet. When I came out, we didn't get to have those cute experiences, it was leather bars and dingy clubs." Boris joked. "I'm glad you kids get to have a good experience now."
"Yeah, it's nice. What was it like for you? I mean, I've talked to some older gay people at the school, but none of them were in the church. If you don't mind telling me, that is."
Boris sighed. "Yeah, I can tell you. Just not into too much detail, because I'm getting old and creaky."
"He's not even sixty yet." his husband stage-whispered to the women.
"But I'm close . Anyway, I did get found out. Me and another boy decided to get touchy after helping out at the temple, but… an elder found us. He ratted us out to our parents, and like you, I wasn't content with just marrying a random lady and having a bunch of kids just to hide myself. Vera… wasn't happy about that. She kicked me out the moment I protested anything to her." he shrugged. "Out here, people needed help, and I was taken in by the community. I lived with a drag queen for almost five years after being kicked out."
Peggy let out a surprised "Oh!" at that, prompting a few chuckles.
"Lady Zahara. She passed a few years back, and I think you could find half of the older gay population in the UK at her funeral. It was beautiful. Back in the day, we all helped each other out, you know? That's how everyone got to meet her. Well, when I lived with her I worked at a shop, and after that I managed to get a job at a clinic. That's where I met this one."
"I was interning with a physical therapist at the time." Mark amended. "But some clients didn't want me to help, so I sat in the waiting room. For a looong time." He smiled. "Lucky for me, her receptionist was really cute. Who would've known I would be stuck with this huge grump thirty years later?"
Peggy laughed. "Oh, that's really adorable. Did you get married in 2014?"
"Oh, as soon as we could. Picked him up from work, ran to the register's office, got married and then went to a pub to celebrate. So romantic."
The oven beeped in the kitchen, surprising the guests. "Oh, it seems like it's ready." Mark commented, nudging his husband to get up. "We made a vegetable soufflé for you, if you don't mind."
"Oh, you didn't have to! That's so nice." Alexandra commented, smiling.
"Mark, can you hold this for me?" Boris came back from the kitchen, holding a three-legged black and white cat.
Mark got up, making the cat that was already on his lap jump down. "Artemis! You cannot be baked! I've told you this!" He gently scolded the animal, scooping her up in his arms like a baby. "This is Apollo's sister. She got hit by a car right in front of our house, can you believe? He helped take care of her after that. She was six months old at the time."
"Oh wow! Can I pet her?" Peggy asked.
"Go for it! Our babies love people, they just gotta get used to them."
Peggy let the cat smell her hand before stroking her forehead, after which she closed her eyes.
"How old are they?" Alexandra asked, petting Apollo - who had taken it upon himself to sit on her lap after being evicted from his dad's.
"Apollo is eight and Artemis is five. They're the only children we'll ever have." He joked, and Peggy nodded in understanding.
"I can understand that, yeah."
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Dinner went by nicely. Mark and Boris talked about their work - Mark was a physical therapist who worked with children, and after he opened his own clinic he took up crafts on the side. Boris never went to college, but he had been managing a local gay coffee shop for twenty years now. They chatted more, talking about their pets and avoiding family talk. It went by much more nicely than Peggy had expected, but eventually they had to go.
"It was good meeting you, uncle. I'm happy to know we have family out here."
"I'm glad to meet you as well, Peggy. Come by whenever you want, okay? I want to get to know my niece."
Peggy blushed. "Oh, that's awfully nice of you. Maybe I can bring Natasha next time."
"Oh, please do! The more the merrier in this house." Mark smiled, hugging her one last time. "Next time, I guarantee the cats will be all over you."
"Oh, I hope so. They're adorable."
They said their goodbyes, and Alexandra looked at Peggy once they were in the car.
"What?"
"I'm very proud of you, do you know that?"
"Moom, what's that for?"
"I'm serious! This visit was for you , not for me. I can tell you're less nervous." She said, starting the car.
"I'm just as nervous." Peggy commented. "But I'm getting better at it."
"And that's why I'm proud of you."
_______
"Mom, do you have time?"
Alexandra looked up from her knitting. "Of course, dear. Sit here."
Peggy went and snuggled by her on the bed, looking at the methodic movements of the needle.
"Is anything wrong?" Her mom asked after a few moments of silence.
"I… I talked to Nat earlier. And I wanna tell you this." She breathed in deeply. "I'm not sure I can do it."
"Sweetheart, you know you can tell me anything. I'm always by your side. Is it about the boys?"
"How did you know?"
"I know my daughter well." She winked. "They're not much to look at, are they?"
"Well… yes." They chuckled for a moment. "But that's not… the whole story."
"What is it, then?"
Peggy sighed, again. "I don't think I like… boys."
Alexandra's hands paused, and she enveloped her daughter in a hug.
"Oh dear. I was afraid that was the case." She kissed the top of her head. "Don't worry about it, okay? I'm your mom, I'll love you forever."
"Thanks… thank you." And there went the waterworks again. "But what about… the Church?"
She looked at her conspiratorially. "Don't you think they're all a bunch of lame old hags, too?"
Peggy laughed at the insult. "What?"
"I'm serious! I can't deal with what they say anymore. It's all just a bunch of contradictions. I've been wanting to just… grab you and go, you know? But I'm scared for you."
"Why?"
"As much as I dislike the whole institution… I want to keep you safe most of all. And if leaving the Church is going to put a target on your back, I don't want to do it."
"But mom… don't you want to do it for you?"
"Peggy, I've wanted to leave for me since you were a baby. But it was better for you to be raised here, where I know we can be supported, you know? So you were not, you know, locked inside by yourself all day while I worked."
"Well… but I'm an adult now."
"Yeah. And if you're… If you're gay, then that settles it. It's your call, honey."
Peggy thought about Natasha first. If she didn't want to leave… Peggy didn't want to leave her behind. But her wedding would be in a few weeks, and she desperately wanted to be there.
Natasha did say she would leave with her, if it came to that. Too many variables to consider.
"After Nat's wedding?" She asked.
"Alright. We can start the process after the ceremony." Her mom looked at her nervously. "Are you ready to be hated by your grandmother?"
"I… don't think I'll really mind, honestly." Peggy said, nonchalant. They broke out into quiet laughter.
It was only the first step to the rest of their lives.