Work Text:
hi mari
i hope youve been well if youre out there. ive been okay in the city. it hasnt been very easy for me but im adjusting. its very different to faraway. not that i saw a lot of faraway before we moved but yeah
its my birthday today. im typing this on a new laptop that aubrey got me. it was amazing, she said she worked really hard to earn the money. she said basil and kel and hero all chipped in a little bit too. it was very kind of them. its a good one, too. technology can do so much these days
im sorry its been a while since i last wrote to you. its hard sometimes. but i think i let you know in my last letter that me and aubrey got together. i dont know if you ever figured out i had a crush on her while you were around, but basil managed to, and you were even more perceptive than him. anyway she moved in with me and mom last month! i told her about it on her birthday and we had it ready for her in a few weeks. mom took some convincing, but luckily hero was able to use some of his charm on her. i swear hess only gotten better at it with age. you wouldve loved to see it.
mom still leaves me on my own a lot, but shes a little bit less distant than she used to be. and i have aubrey to keep me company now. shes been helping me keep to my sleep schedule when i drift into old habits and stick to my meal plans. im very lucky to have her. its better than dreaming about her cos shes still here when i wake up
im 17 now i guess. its kinda weird. i dont feel any different to when i was 12, though i guess i missed a lot of that time growing up so it makes sense.
you were never 17
it hurts to think about that
i dont like being older than you mari
its not right. its not the way things should be. you should be here and you should be 20 like hero. i took that from you though
i took that from all of us. from our friends, from your true love, from mom and dad, from myself even. i took you from everyone you wouldve made happy in the future. i took it from the kids whose uncle i couldve been. i dont know what you thought about having kids, it was a long way away for you, but ill never find out now. ill never meet the kids you couldve had.
i think i wouldve been a cool uncle
you wouldve been a cool mom
and kel and sally wouldve been a great uncle and auntie too
im still so sorry, mari. im sorry that i killed you and im sorry that i went along with basil and hid it all from everyone for so long. i know basils sorry too. our friends keep telling us that we were kids and we panicked and we dont deserve what happened to us afterwards and it shouldnt have to follow us forever and it gets a little easier to believe that every day but its still hard. it really hurts not having you here. i miss you.
i know everyone else does too
i hope you can still love me and forgive me
i hope that youre out there somewhere watching over me and that this letter gets to you somehow. i hope you can read it. and it feels a little self-centered to ask but i hope youre proud of me
when i stayed at home and dreamed about everyone, you were there. and you helped me in my dreams to get through where i was back then. i dont know if that was just my imagination or if that was your spirit helping me along, but i hope it was you. i like to think it was you. either way, whether it was you or it was just in my head, thank you. i couldnt have done it without you.
ill try to write to you again soon, mari. thanks for everything. i love you
with lots and lots and lots of love,
s—
"Oh, there you are." Aubrey steps out onto the balcony. "You good?"
"I'm writing a letter to Mari."
"Oh, right... I'm sorry if I distur-"
"No, it's fine."
"OK.
"...
"Do you mind if I sit with you?"
"...Sure."
Sunny budges his chair up and Aubrey sits on the one beside him.
"You OK?"
"Yeah. It's just hard."
"...I know, Sun... but you're doing well. Don't ever forget that. And I'm here with you. Don't you go forgettin' that either, OK?"
"I could never forget you, Aubrey."
"Awww-haw-hawww. You sweetie."
Sunny and Aubrey share a peck on the lips.
"...It's OK to say no, but is it alright if I read your letter?"
"...Yeah."
Aubrey rests her elbow on the table next to the laptop and props her head on her hand. She takes a few minutes to read the letter. By the time she's done, her eyes are wetter than they were before. She sniffs once, then turns to Sunny with a soft, bittersweet smile on her face.
"...You know? I think it was Mari in your dreams. And I'm sure she can see this letter and that she's watching, and I just know that she's very, very proud of you."
Sunny's eye quivers. "...Thank you."
"And hey, I'm proud of you, too." Aubrey strokes her boyfriend's hair.
...
Sunny takes a deep breath and sighs, out of energy. Aubrey kisses him gently on his forehead, and Sunny rests his head on her lap and closes his eye.