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So when some guy shows up on Joe’s - his dad’s - doorstep, and:
- one, looks super surprised to find someone else there, and -
- two, immediately wants to get out of there when he realizes someone else is there -
- he can pretty much figure there’s been a scheduling mishap with date night, not a friend stopping by for an unexpected chat.
And it’s not like he minds bailing on hanging out with his dad early, it’s the polite thing to do - okay, he minds a little, but he doesn’t need to be a killjoy and he really doesn’t need to third wheel his dad’s date night.
But he doesn’t realize it might be serious until he runs into the dude doing laundry at his dad’s place.
Yeah, yeah, college student going home to do laundry, whatever, at least he’s doing it himself. And the laundry machines at his apartment really are busted.
But there must have been another scheduling error, because when he gets into the laundry room, there’s tall-pale-and-lanky with his own laundry bag, looking at Wally like a deer in headlights.
“So, uh,” Wally says, holding up his own laundry bag, “how are we going to do this?”
“Oh, you should -” he says, waving Wally towards the laundry machine.
“No, man, you were here first,” Wally says. “I’m in no rush. I’ve just got one load.”
He holds up his laundry bag, which now that Wally looks at it, probably has all of three jumpers and a pair of jeans in it. Now that he looks, the guy is wearing a pair of STAR labs sweat pants and a hoodie that looks like an old one of Joe’s, which, okay, serious.
“Maybe we can fit them into the same load?” Wally suggests.
They do manage to fit them in the same load - there really is only one pair of jeans in the other bag, along with some shirts and a couple of jumpers.
“So,” Wally starts as he shoves a pair of his socks into the washer. “I’m Wally, Joe’s son.”
“...Harry,” tall-pale-and-lanky says, with no elaboration.
“Nice to meet you, Harry.” Wally says, holding out a hand. Harry shakes it.
As the laundry bin starts to fill with water, Wally asks, “So, how long have you and Joe been dating?”
“What?” Harry says. “What? No - no - we’re not - no,” he continues spluttering. “Uh.” He gestures vaguely at the door, and makes a hasty exit.
Well, either this dude was the most awkward human to ever exist, or this was a very bad cover-up.
The laundry cycle eventually ended, and Harry wasn’t back. He transfers everything to the dryer, because he wasn’t raised in a barn, and goes to grab some leftovers from his dad’s fridge.
When Harry isn’t back when the dryer’s done, Wally sighs and unloads his own laundry, separating out Harry’s.
He gives him a good quarter of an hour leeway before calling Joe.
“Hey, dad? Your friend left his laundry at your place…”
--
See, it’s the bad cover-up denial that sticks with him.
If tall-pale-and-lanky had just said they’d been dating for a few months - like, fine, he’d just wait until Joe was ready to tell him about it. He didn’t need to be nosy.
But presumably the cover up had been for a reason, and it wouldn’t get out of his head - why? Was it just an awkward default? Did Harry think he wouldn’t approve of him - okay, yeah, starting off with how he looked like the guy who had run STAR labs and also apparently killed Barry’s mom might not have been the best first impression, but clearly the guy was used to it, with that quick response.
Did Harry think that he wouldn’t like his dad dating someone else? Did his dad think he wouldn’t like him dating someone else, so soon after… well. Did he tell Harry not to tell him?
Wait.
Did his dad think he wouldn’t like him dating a guy?
He knew he and Joe hadn’t had a lot of time to get to know each other but - he can’t imagine he’s given off the impression of being some shitty homophobe, right? Or biphobe, he is bi, for crying out loud - not that Joe knows that, he realizes.
Alright. He’s an engineer. He’ll engineer a solution to this.
--
Trial 1:
“So my friend Kaldur was telling me about his new boyfriend -”
“Uh-huh.” Joe says, watching the race on the screen and taking another slice of pizza. “That’s nice.”
--
Trial 2:
“So Kaldur was saying he and his boyfriend might be in town next month,” Wally says. “Would it be cool if they came over for dinner?”
“Yeah, of course. Your friends are always welcome. I’ll make one of your grandma’s recipes.”
--
Trial 3:
“ - it was this project back in high school, actually, I was working on it with this guy - we were dating at the time, but that only lasted a couple months -”
Joe blinks. “Oh. Uhuh. Okay.” He nods. “So this project?”
Wally grins.
--
He’s so, so sure he knows how this is going to go, the next day, when he swings by Joe’s for dinner and Joe is standing in the kitchen in this awkward, forced casual pose.
“Listen, Wally,” Joe starts, and he is ready. ‘Yeah dad, I figured you were dating. It was pretty obvious when I ran into him doing his laundry in the house. It’s totally cool,’ ready.
“I’m really - glad you’re comfortable being honest with me.” Joe says. Wait, what? “And I hope you know I’ll love you no matter who you love.”
Wally blinks. Okay, not what he expected. Good to hear, not what he expected. “Yeah, of course dad,” he says. “Thanks.”
Joe smiles, immediately looking less awkward. “Let’s eat.”
--
So Joe asks him if he wants to come and live at his place, which is - nice. It’s really nice, actually. In addition to not having to haul his laundry over from his old apartment building, it’s - nice.
Plus, he figures if Joe’s okay with him living there and being around the house all the time, he knows he’s cool with everything. He still hasn’t told him about Harry, yet, but still.
It’s nice, living with family again.
Then, of course, he finds out about the evil speedster. And the parallel universes. And the Flash. And, incidentally, why Harry looks like that guy, who was apparently not actually that guy.
So. You could say he had other things on his mind.
---
“Hey,” Wally sits down next to Jesse on the steps in the formerly-the-breach-room.
“Hey,” she says, gently knocking her shoulder against his.
“Can we talk?”
“Well, I think we’re talking right now, soooo…” she says with a grin.
He grins, gently knocking his shoulder against hers in return. “So… this thing. This is a thing, right?”
She blushes, and nods. “Yeah, I think this thing is a thing.”
“I know we’re from two different earths, but I mean, it seems like our dads are making it work - which I mean, is kinda weird all on its own, but -”
She blinks. “Wait, what.”
“They’re dating.” Wally looks at her. “They are dating, right?”
She laughs, a little nervously. “No? I mean, where did you -”
“I mean, I’ve seen him around my dad’s house, and he’s been weird when I was there, so I assumed there was a - y’know, a scheduling shuffle. And then he was over there doing laundry -”
“Oh, I mean, that’s a simple explanation - we’re just staying in STAR labs, and there aren’t laundry machines here. At least not ones you want to use for regular clothes.”
“Oh, yeah.”
“And I mean, dad might have wanted to talk to Joe about - y’know, this stuff,” she waves around at STAR labs, “before you were in the loop. Plus,” she adds, “he’s pretty awkward.”
“I’m getting that sense,” he says with a grin.
“I’m sure he’s not dating Joe. Nothing against Joe!” she adds. She doesn’t know Joe very well, but he seems nice. “But he just - he doesn’t date. He hasn’t dated anyone since my mom. And not while he was here, with all the...”
Right?
“Okay.” Wally says, holding up his hands. “You know your dad better than I know mine, for sure.”
“I mean, I don’t know…” she says, biting her lip. There’s a lot she doesn’t know about her dad, these days.
“I mean…” Wally says, “Still, that doesn’t mean we can’t make it work. Right?”
“Yeah,” she says. “Even if our dads aren’t - dating.”
Right?
Wally grins at her, and reaches out. She takes his hand.
--
Listen. Her dad’s not dating Joe. Her dad’s not dating anyone. She’d know.
Right? Right.
Clearly - clearly - there are things she doesn’t know about her dad. Like, significantly scarier and more important things than him dating again.
But like - she’d know about this, right?
It’s not like the deeply, deeply terrifying guy on the watch recording had sounded like he had romance or anything else on the brain.
She shakes her head. The recording is not something she wants to think about anymore.
She should just. Talk to her dad, right?
Right. Right.
He definitely wasn’t dating anyone, like, definitely, 99% sure. 97%, at least.
But just on the off chance, he should know that it would be okay to tell her about it if he was? In the future. Because he’s definitely not now.
Right?
… Yeah, okay, she really needs to talk to her dad.
--
“So, dad,” she says, sitting down on the cot across from him.
“Mhm.” He’s looking at something on a tablet, and fidgeting with something in his off hand.
“You know how you haven’t dated anyone since mom, right?”
He looks up at her. “... yes?”
“You know it’s okay if you do, right? You need to live your life too,” she says. “And I don’t care who you date as long as they make you happy,” she adds, reaching over and patting him on the shoulder.
He blinks. “...thanks, sweetheart.” he says, so confused it almost sounds like a question. “But you don’t have to worry about me. There isn’t really anyone I’m interested in dating. It’s not really important to me -”
“Right, of course, you’re married to your work.” Jesse teases. “You know, mom always said it took you forever to realize dating was a thing.”
He smiles, just a little, looking over at the drawing on the cabinet.
“But I swear it’s okay. And it’s not like I’m going to be mad about you dating, or anything.”
He looks back at her, considering. “Is this about - Wally?”
“What? No. Wally didn’t tell me anything.”
“What?”
“What?”
They stare at each other in mutual confusion.
“It really is okay, though,” Jesse says, getting up.
“Okay?” He says, looking at her and then back at his tablet. “You don’t have to worry about me.”
“Right, right.” She says, heading for the door.
So Wally was wrong, right? That was conclusive.
Mostly conclusive. Maybe a little inconclusive.
… Dammit.
But there were other people to ask, right? Other people who had been on this earth with her dad for a while?
She’d just. Have to ask them.
---
Cisco can’t stop laughing.
“I mean… I don’t think they are?” Barry starts. Cisco is still laughing. “I mean, it would be fine if they were dating, I just don’t think they are because - I mean, neither of them has mentioned it. But it would be fine if they did!”
Cisco is still laughing.
“You want to tell us what you’re laughing about?”
Cisco finally hiccups himself back to being able to speak words. “Joe and Harry are definitely not dating.”
“Why? How do you know?” Jesse asks. “Because Joe is straight?”
“Look, I don’t know if Joe is straight or not, I do know he’s punched Harry in the face like, weeks ago,” he says between laughter. “and I’m also very sure Joe could do better. So - so - Joe and Harry -” he bursts out laughing again.
“Who told you that they were dating?” Caitlin asks.
“Well, Wally thinks they are.” Jesse says. “I mean, I told him that with all the weirdness going on, and STAR labs not having laundry machines, it’s just an incorrect inference, but, I mean -”
“And what did your dad say?”
“Just that he’s not really interested in dating anyone, like always. But - I don’t know! It’s weird!”
“That’s our lives for you.” Cisco says.
“What do you think?” Jesse asks Caitlin.
“Me? I don’t know. I don’t think they are, but… I don’t know anymore. Everything here is already so weird. If Joe’s dating Harry -” she shrugs, a bitter twist to her mouth. “At least we already know Harry’s dark secrets, so,” she swivels in her chair and stands up. “Godspeed to them.” she adds, heading for the door.
The three of them stand in almost-silence for a moment, interrupted by Cisco’s hiccups of laughter.
“I should -” Cisco finally starts. “I should probably go check on her.”
Barry stares into the distance. Jesse looks between the two of them. “Yeah, sure.”
---
“Joe.”
“Hmm?” Joe turns and looks at him. “What do you need, Barr?”
“You know how you’ve always been there for me? After my dad went to jail - and after I got my powers - and with everything with Iris, and when I’ve dated and it’s been weird -”
“What happened?” Joe says. “Did you try to talk to Iris again?”
“No - no, I mean -” Barry stutters, “I just want you to know I’ll always be there for you. No matter what, right?”
“Right,” Joe says, “of course, Barr. Thanks.”
“Yeah.” Barry hovers awkwardly for a moment. “Is there anything else… you might wanna… talk about?”
“Noooo,” Joe says. “Unless it’s those case files for Singh -”
“Right! Right. Thanks dad!”
---
Iris looks up from her work to find a flustered Barry. Must be Tuesday.
“Hey Barry. What’s -”
“So -” he starts before she even finishes her sentence. “Jesse asked us about this thing, and at first I thought it was just like - there was no way, right? But then I thought about it and - I wasn’t sure, and I mean, it’s okay if it is but -”
“Barry.” Iris starts. “Barry, slow down.”
Barry blinks and looks at her. Finally, he asks. “Do you think Joe is dating Harry?”
“Do I think what?”
“Do you think -”
“No. No. Obviously not. That’s crazy. I mean, first of all, we’d know, right? And I mean - after everything that’s happened with Harry, and I mean -” she blinks, then looks at Barry. “That’s crazy, right?”
“I don’t know!”
Iris stares at him. Clearly, this is crazy.
But what if it’s not?
“You said - Jesse asked you about this?”
“Yeah - I mean, me, Cisco, and Caitlin - but -”
“Did Caitlin and Cisco think they were -”
“No - no, I mean, Cisco’s sure they’re not, and Caitlin didn’t really - but I mean, Jesse said she heard it from Wally - something about Harry being at the house doing laundry, and some other time?”
“Well - does STAR labs have washing machines?”
“No - and I mean, Jesse knows that, she said -”
“Wait, you said she heard it from Wally?”
“Yeah,” Barry says. “Why?”
Iris considers. She’s an investigative journalist, so maybe it’s time to go to the source.
---
“So.” Iris sits down across from Wally, pencil and notebook in hand.
He looks up, slightly alarmed. “Yeah…?”
“Joe and Harry.”
“Look, I really didn’t mean for this to turn into a big deal -”
“Wally -”
“And if they want to be private about it they can -”
“Wally.” Iris holds up a hand. “Chill. I just wanted to know if Barry got Jesse’s story straight. He said something about laundry?”
“Yeah, I mean, there was the first time when he showed up and looked super spooked to see me there, like scheduling date night had gone wrong. And like, then he was doing some super tiny load of laundry at Joe’s, which I thought was weird but now I know he like, came from another universe with a backpack and shit so that makes sense, and Jesse told me there aren’t any laundry machines at STAR labs, so that makes sense, but … I don’t know. He was super weird when I asked him how long he and Joe had been dating.” Wally shrugs. “Wait, so Jesse told Barry?”
“Yeah, she wanted to see what Barry and the others thought. And then Barry wanted to know what I thought…”
“So I guess we’ve come full circle, huh?”
“I guess.”
“What do you think?”
“I don’t know either.”
“He hasn’t told you anything?”
“No.”
“Me neither. And I mean, he knows I’m cool.”
“Right…”
“So like… you’ve been around,” Wally starts, slowly. “Does dad usually date … tall people? I mean, Harry’s pretty tall.”
“I don’t know. I don’t think he’s dated any… tall people, that I know of.”
“Right. Right right right.” Wally says. “Not that there’s anything wrong with him dating tall people!”
“Of course not.” Iris says, then blinks. “... wait, are we talking about Harry being a guy, or Harry being white?”
“I don’t know!”
“What do you mean you don’t know?! You were the one who started the Fresh Prince bit like we time warped back to the nineties!”
Wally looks at Iris. Iris looks at Wally.
They both burst out laughing.
“This is ridiculous, isn’t it?” Iris says, waving her pencil in the air.
“Yeah, kinda.”
“Look,” Iris says. “I don’t know if dad’s dating Harry or not. I don’t think he is, but…”
“But?”
“Like, you know Harry’s deal, right?” she says, and Wally nods. “He’s pulled some shit.”
“Right…”
“Right.” Iris says. “So I think we should have a talk with him.”
---
“Harry.”
Harry looks up to see Iris and Wally, both standing with their arms crossed.
“What?”
That may not be the wisest opener. He’s mostly running on coffee at this point, so wisdom can’t be expected to be his strong suit. Nothing could be expected to be his strong suit, taking points of exhaustion gave you disadvantage on all your skill checks.
He is thinking about DnD. He needs more coffee.
“We wanted to have a talk.” Iris says, in tones that would have criminals quaking in their boots on his Earth.
Probably on this earth too, honestly. Iris West is at the right intersection of highly capable and relatively sensible - though around here ‘relatively’ bears a lot of weight - to be both worthy of respect and also potentially terrifying.
He nods, unsure what he’s about to hear.
“We know you’ve made some bad decisions in the past,” Iris starts.
“But you’ve owned up to them,” Wally, who is apparently the good cop in this scenario, whatever ‘this scenario’ is, says.
Right. Yes. This was about the murder. And the lying. And the sabotaging-the-superhero-and-landing-Iris-in-the-hospital-ing.
That.
Fortunately, there wasn’t really anything they could say to him about that that he hadn’t already said to himself.
“You’ve been helping the team,” Wally says.
“And we appreciate that.” Iris says, grudgingly.
“It’s cool.” Wally says.
“But when it comes to our dad…”
Harry blinks. Any inkling he might have had as to what this situation was goes out the window.
“... you understand why that’s especially important to us, don’t you?”
“... yes?”
“Joe’s a good guy,” Wally says. “I know I haven’t known him for that long, but he’s really important to me.”
“And as long as you understand how important he is,” Iris says, “everything will be fine.”
Harry nods, utterly confused. Had he said something rude to Joe? It would make sense, ‘rude’ is his default mode, but he thought they all knew that by now.
Had he said something especially rude to Joe? Was there something he’d said that was normal to him that was some horribly offensive term on this earth?
Iris does not look like she would be inclined to answer any such questions, and Harry is not inclined to ask them.
“Good!” Iris says, with forced cheer. She must be a terrifying reporter on this earth. “Then there’s nothing to worry about.”
“Of course not.” Wally claps Harry on the shoulder, hard, before the two of them exit the cortex.
What just happened?
---
When Henry walks into the Cortex, Barry immediately swivels around in his chair. “Dad if you were dating someone you’d tell me, right?”
Henry blinks. “Well - if I thought it was getting serious, yes, of course, son.” He looks around the cortex, where apparently all of Barry’s friends have gathered. He recognizes Caitlin and Cisco, and of course Iris, as well as Joe’s new son Wally and Harry’s daughter Jesse. “Can I ask what brought this up?”
“Well …” Barry starts.
Between the alternate earths and the laundry incidents, Henry doesn’t claim to understand all of the story. But there does seem to be one glaring absence.
“So,” he starts, “none of you have asked them? Not hinted at it,” he adds preemptively, “or asked indirectly, asked them, straight out.”
Cisco snorts, covering his face with a fist.
“I mean, I asked Harry how long he and Joe had been dating when we were doing laundry…” Wally says.
“But not since then?”
“I mean, we can’t just ask them.” Barry says, sounding horrified.
“Why not?”
“Because -”
Conveniently, Joe takes that moment to walk into the Cortex. He takes one look at the room and starts, “Okay, what’s going on here?”
“Joe,” Henry asks. “Are you and Harry dating?”
For a moment Joe stares at him, his face utterly blank. Then he bursts out into a fit of giggles.
“See!” Cisco throws up his arms. “See! What did I tell you!”
“To be fair,” Caitlin says, “you didn’t really tell us anything, you just laughed for fifteen minutes straight.”
“What on earth is happening?”
Everyone turns to look at Harry.
Harry turns and looks at Joe. “What are you - what - what is so funny?”
Joe is still giggling. Henry opens his mouth, still not quite sure what to say, but Joe manages to speak between giggles. “The kids think we’re dating.”
Harry stares at him, looking gobsmacked. “What.”
“Wait,” Iris starts, “how did you not know this. Wally and I gave you a - a shovel talk!”
Harry blinks. “That’s what that was?”
“Oh my god…” Iris - well, he’s pretty sure the kids would call it a ‘facepalm’.
Harry stares around at the room. “You all really thought we were dating?”
Cisco waves a hand in the air. “No! No! I did not! I knew it was nonsense! Joe has taste!”
Harry stares at him, open mouthed but without a retort.
Joe bursts into a fit of giggles again.
“So you’re not dating?” Barry asks.
Joe only laughs harder. “I don’t know,” he turns to look at Harry. “Are we dating, sweetheart?”
Henry witnesses the face of a man regretting every choice he has made in his life to lead him to his point, before Harry jabs a finger at Joe, splutters incoherently, turns and jabs a finger at Cisco, and then at Iris, opens his mouth as if to say something, and then turns and walks out of the Cortex.
Cisco starts laughing again.
---
Here’s the thing about starting to do something as a joke: if you aren’t careful, eventually you’ll just keep doing it.
Teasing Harry with pet names starts as a joke. And it wasn’t like he could stop when Harry started doing it back - what, like he can dish out a joke and can’t take it?
This wouldn’t be a problem if it just stays within the STAR labs circle. But it doesn’t.
And, unfortunately, he has no one to blame but himself.
He hadn’t even realized it had become just part of their back and forth until - well.
“Who was that?” Captain Singh asks, eyebrow raised, as he hangs up his cell phone.
“Oh, just - Harry,” Joe says, hoping David doesn’t ask for further details.
David’s eyebrows go up a little more, and Joe suddenly realizes he’d signed off the call with ‘you too, sweetheart.’
“Anyone I’d know?”
He doesn’t know what scenario is worse: trying to explain he’s not actually dating Harry, or trying to explain that Harry’s from an alternate universe and that’s why he shares a face with the guy who died in the wormhole and confessed to Nora Allen’s murder (and wasn’t even the real guy with that face in the first place, which was a whole other layer of crazy bullshit he never thought he’d have to have explained to him, much less explain to anyone else.)
“Uh,” Joe says, busying himself with the coffee pot. “No, I don’t think so.”
“Well, I’m sure I’d love to meet him,” David says. “You know, Rob and I have brunch with AJ, down in accounting, and their partner every couple months, it would be nice to have you and Harry join sometime.”
“Uh,” Right, yes, more people to explain to that the guy he’s not dating is the doppelganger of a murderer who was not really the guy you thought he was, that is the real doppelganger of the guy he is, again, not dating.
He takes a sip of coffee. It does not miraculously solve his problems.
“Well, I’d have to look at my schedule - I’m pretty busy with the kids, and Harry’s always busy with work, so -”
David claps him on the shoulder. “I know how that is. We’ll see if we can make it work sometime.”
“Right, right.” And then he’ll have to generate an excuse. Or - or a fake break-up.
He muffles his giggles behind his hand as David heads back to his office. A fake break-up would somehow be the least absurd part of this.
How had he ended up calling Harry pet names again?
---
Coda
They’re on Joe’s couch, two bags of Big Belly Burger open in front of them, mostly finished. There’s a lull in the conversation, after he had finally managed to make Harry chuckle at one of his old stories about his kids, and the late evening sunlight is filtering through the window.
Harry turns to him, staring at him for a moment, and then asks, apropos of nothing, “ are we dating?’”
Joe looks at him, taking a note of how his shoulders have gone stiff, from where they had previously been relaxed against the cushions of the couch, inches from Joe’s, close enough that they bumped against each other when Harry laughs. He looks over the room, the detritus of a comfortable evening meal - and not their first one. He considers the question, and then sighs. “Look, I don’t know man.” He looks at Harry, and has to keep himself from chuckling. After all they’ve been through, that they’re sitting here on the couch with fast food, having this conversation - well, the most important consideration is settled, isn’t it? “I trust you with my kids. Anything else isn’t that important, is it?”
Harry blinks. “... No. No, it’s not,” he says, nodding, with a small smile.
Joe chuckles. “Let the kids have their fun, it’ll all work itself out.”
“Yeah,” Harry says, and then adds, “...honeybear.”